Tender (Chapter 15)
Title: Tender (Chapter 15)
Author: naughtybunny23
Character/Pairing: Ten/Rose, TenII/Rose, Jackie Tyler, Pete Tyler, OC, Torchwood
Beta: carly21 Stay sane, sweets!
Rating: Adult content, explicit material, yada yada yada.
Summary: Disturbing visions torture John and Rose, but where do they come from and are they even real? John makes a decision in his personal life that could change his relationship with Rose forever.
Disclaimer: The Doctor, all versions of him and all related characters are the property of the BBC but I sneak them out the toy box every now and then to play.
Notes: This fic started out on the 20 chapter plan, but looks like it may stretch out to 25 chapters. Let’s see where it goes from here.
The smell of a proper English fry-up slowly permeated his senses, pulling him from the dark depths of sleep with a deep rumble from his empty stomach. He floated in that space between dark and light, the place where dreams fade softly to reality. Oh, Jackie, bless your breakfasts, sausages and potatoes and eggs…. He smiled as he rolled over, eyes still closed as he licked his parched lips and stretched out his arm across the bed. He was surprised at how thirsty he was and hoped that Jackie had put out a pitcher of that wonderfully fresh pulpy o.j.
Then flesh met cold linen and an empty space, and his body was wrenched away from the soft embrace of a world that now only existed in his dreams. He buried his face in the pillow, eyes clenched against the welling tears and the faint smell of citrus reminding him of what he had done the night before.
# # #
He had walked in the rain to Danny’s house, determined to go anywhere to escape the images still burning through his brain. The bond with Rose still trembled through him like a taut wire being pulled too tightly, and every reverberation heralded another flash of her in the throes of passion with someone who was not him. He walked faster, pressing his hands to his temples as if to squeeze the images out of his head by force. He felt the nausea rising from deep inside, the burn of the bile in his throat adding to his distress. He began to wretch uncontrollably and stopped to vomit on the sidewalk, oblivious to the few passersby who looked at him uncomfortably and assumed that at this time of night he was just some bloke headed home from a bender.
The nausea subsided long enough for him to wipe his mouth and begin running to Danny’s house, but at midnight when he was hammering on the door with his fists, the flashes returned. Danny threw open the door just in time to see John vomit on his doorstep then collapse sobbing in the doorway, trembling and soaked to the skin.
Danny slid his hands under John’s arms, pulled him to his feet then heaved him up under arms and legs to get him over to the couch. Danny was a burly guy capable of easily picking up a grown man, but he marvelled briefly at how very thin John was, possibly even thinner than he had been when he first entered the shop four months ago. Long hours at work and a diet of fast food usually meant gaining weight (as Danny could prove with his own physique), but John’s hyperactivity and manic mood swings obviously negated the effects of his high caloric intake.
Danny dropped John on the couch, jumping back just as John rolled over on his side and began heaving again. Iris was barely able to get the wastebasket over to him in time as he vomited, and she winced at the strain on John’s face as he struggled to disgorge an already depleted stomach.
After a few minutes, the nausea subsided and John rolled over on his back, his arm across his eyes. He was pale and shaky and as she dabbed at his face with a moist flannel, she was shocked at how cold his skin was. He reached for a glass of water she handed him, rinsing out his mouth several times and leaning over to spit into the basket before he then drank the rest of the water. She looked to her brother in silent command and he left the room to return a moment later with several blankets. They stripped him of his wet clothes and wrapped him tightly in the blankets.
He stopped shivering finally and pulling his arm from his face, cracked his eyes. Iris reached up to turn off the side lamp as Danny moved over to shut off the ceiling light. Danny leaned against the door jamb and Iris settled on the floor next to the couch, still dabbing John’s face with the soft, cool flannel. He moved his arm down to his side and smiled weakly at the two. Still unable to focus fully, John could at least detect the worry on both Danny’s and Iris’s faces, even in the room now lit only by the light of the full moon outside the windows.
He smiled weakly. “Well, some house guest I turned out to be. Invite me over to your house and I end up chucking all over and then collapsing on your couch.” He managed a laugh. “What a party, yeah?”
Danny moved over to stand at the end of the couch, massaging his neck and still looking worried. “What happened to you, mate? Are you off your head?”
“No, no, I’ve had nothing to drink. I was working late then I called you, but I started to feel a little woozy when I left the shop. By the time I got here, I was…well…” He grimaced painfully when he shifted on the couch. “Must have been something I ate,” he lied as he looked up at Danny.
“Do we need to call 999 or get you to the AE?” Iris moved her hand away from his face, placing the flannel on the floor beside her.
“No, no…I’m fine. I’ll just get up and…” He started to sit up but the dizziness returned and he flopped back.
“I think maybe you should stay here for the night, see how you feel in the morning.” John opened his mouth to disagree with Danny, but the look on Danny’s face and the remaining dizziness in his head made John reassess his situation in favour of remaining as he was on Danny’s couch.
Iris smiled grimly at John and patted his hand as she stood to leave, a clear look of disappointment on her face. Danny watched her go back to her room after kissing him goodnight and, when he heard her bedroom door close, turned his attention back to John still lying on the couch. The colour had returned to his face, but his eyes still held that deep look of longing and loss Danny had seen when he collapsed on his knees at his door.
“What really happened out there, John?” Danny spoke softly with no accusation, just a deep sense of concern. When John remained silent, just staring at the wall opposite the couch, Danny continued. “When you called tonight, you sounded like you had just gotten the worst news of your life and needed to be anywhere but alone.” He craned his neck to catch John’s gaze and met his eyes as John turned to face him.
“Was it her?” Danny asked.
John swallowed and bit his lip. How could he explain to Danny what had happened, that the life bond that was forever between Rose and him was being torn by the roots from the core of his soul? That the mental anguish of what she was doing to him was manifesting in actual physical illness? He looked up at Danny and nodded silently.
Danny knew that John wasn’t going to talk about whatever had happened tonight, and he merely nodded back, silently communicating that he understood.
“Well, then, try to get some sleep and let’s see how you’re doing in the morning. Don’t worry about opening up, I’ll cover it until we see how you do.” He turned then and left, the creaking of the hardwood floors signalling his trek down the hall and to the back of the house where John assumed his bedroom to be. He heard the door click into place and then the house was silent.
He settled back onto the couch and closed his eyes, afraid of what images might pop into his mind but so desperately lonely for her. There was nothing there - no images of her and another, no images at all. His head was empty and as silent as the house as he drifted off to sleep, one lone tear trailing down his cheek.
# # #
“John.” The voice sounded in his head from a million miles away, and he thought that he must be falling out of his bed. “John!”
His eyes popped open then settled on an oval face framed by a fringe of blonde air. He smiled and started to reach towards her in the darkness, but dropped his hand as he saw blue eyes instead of the brown he was looking for. He closed his eyes and turned away, reaching inside his mind to hear her but meeting only lonely silence.
“John?” She reached under his chin and pulled his face back towards her. “What’s wrong? Please won’t you tell me what happened?”
He pushed Iris’s hand away gently and kept his eyes closed as he spoke. “Why are you up? What time is it?”
“It’s around 3.30.”
“I’m fine…go back to bed and please just let me be.” He started to rise from the couch, but then stopped when she placed her hand against his chest. The feel of her warmth against his bare flesh reminded him that he was still naked from the night before, and he opened his eyes to look at the blankets that still covered his dignity.
She smiled sheepishly. “Uh, you might want to rethink getting up right now.” He flopped back onto the couch and she removed her hand to place it curled in her lap. “One, you are still woozy from last night and whatever you got into on the way here. Two…” Her eyes moved down his torso and back to his face. “You are still quite naked under there.”
He ached at the memory of another time a beautiful blonde had cared for him in sickness and undressed him for bed - a time filled with robot Santas, killer Christmas trees and satsumas hidden in dressing gown pockets. He tapped again into the bond, feeling it vibrate as if he had plucked a piano string - but to no avail.
“I woke up and heard you crying out in your sleep.” She looked down at her lap as her other hand joined the one already curled there. “I’m sorry, I was worried something was wrong.”
He looked at Iris then, really looked, and was touched by the very genuine look of concern on her face coloured by just a hint of embarrassment. He reached out and patted her hand and she looked up at him and smiled.
“Thank you,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry. I guess I’m not much of a late night guest. Sorry about that.”
“It’s her, isn’t it?” John looked startled into her face, willing her to stop but she continued nervously. “Danny told me you had a girlfriend or wife or something and that you recently had broken up.” She looked away. “I’m sorry if something happened tonight. You sounded so lonely on the phone, that’s why I asked you over.” The tempo of her delivery speeded up. “ Danny didn’t want me to, he says I need to steer clear of you, but I-“
Iris was cut off abruptly when John pulled her down to kiss her, crushing her to his chest hard enough to stifle her breathing. She struggled against him but he only held her harder against him, his fingers digging into her arms almost painfully. When she finally began to whimper, he released her, pushing her away from him almost hard enough to land her on the floor. He raked his hand through his hair and he looked so anguished that she had a brief image of him howling and pulling it out by the roots.
She looked at him, not knowing what to say, desirous of what he wanted to do but afraid of why he wanted to do it. He in turn closed his eyes and tried to access the bond but all he could raise were the last images he had of her, wrapped around her obvious new lover and enjoying every minute of what they were doing. You never even gave me a chance. I would have waited forever for you. I would have come back for you.
He turned to look at Iris. He didn’t love her, he knew this and he also knew he wasn’t going to love her. But she was willing and able, and what he needed more than anything was to wipe Rose from his mind and from his heart. If she had found someone else, so be it. Time to move on.
He pushed the blankets from him, suddenly feeling stifled from their heat. He was already semi-erect when he stood and folded her against him, pushing himself against her as he covered her mouth with his. She pushed away from him and looked into his face, seeing arousal and need but nothing else. For an instance she pondered whether this was how she wanted him, knowing that he was still so deeply and painfully in love with someone else. But maybe, just maybe, she would overcome this and he would learn to love her. She took John’s hand and led him back to her bed.
He thought as he lowered his face between her thighs that at least for the moments he was with Iris he could forget about Rose. But as he pushed his tongue inside her, all he could think about was Rose - how she tasted, how she squirmed when he circled her with his tongue. He just wanted this to be over and he pushed her thighs violently apart, flicking his tongue against the little bundle of nerves until she cried out her release. With that done, he climbed up her torso, not even kissing her as he quickly sheathed himself inside her. I used to love to let her taste herself on my lips as I pushed slowly inside her, loved the way she moaned as I stretched her open. He immediately began to thrust inside her, burying his face into her shoulder so as to avoid her attempts to kiss him. In just a few minutes it was over as he grunted and came, making as little noise as possible to avoid waking Danny and because the only thing he wanted to yell was her name. He pulled out of her, the sudden feel of dampness on his thighs an immediate reminder that he should have worn a condom. He rose from the bed and padded to her ensuite, finding a flannel to clean himself, then climbed back into the bed where he handed it to her to do the same.
He said nothing; she had remained quiet other than a few non-verbal groans and cries throughout. There was nothing to say. She quietly pulled the sheet and blanket up to cover them and rolled away from him, her back to him so he wouldn’t see the tears. He could feel the sadness in her silence, and suddenly feeling for her, rolled over and pulled her over to him, resting her head against his shoulder. He reached under the blanket and pulled her thigh over his and then wrapped his arm around her to pull her even closer. He kissed the top of her head. “Sshhhh…it’s alright,” he said soothingly. “I’ve got you.” As soon as the words were out, he felt as if the night sky had collapsed on him. You used to say that to me when I had nightmares.
He lay with her there in the dark, holding her close so she couldn’t move and possibly see the tears welling in his eyes. She never spoke and he felt her breathing slowly even out until it was the shallow cadence of sleep. As he drifted off, he whispered “I’m sorry” against her hair, not knowing if his guilt was for what he had done to Iris tonight or for all he had ever done to Rose.
# # #
She was gone from the bed when he awoke the next morning. For a brief moment he thought he was back at the mansion and Jackie was down in the kitchen making breakfast. It was when he rolled over to reach for Rose that the memories of last night crashed down on him. The bedside clock read 8.30; that meant Danny had already left for the morning to open the store so he was at least granted a reprieve on facing the wrath of an older brother whose sister he had just fucked.
But the sounds from the kitchen meant that sister was still here and awake and up, and he would have to face her, better now than to put it off. He sat up, the dizziness of the night before gone but still weak from the empty stomach. He realized he was naked and looked around to see if there was something he could wear to make it out into the kitchen. He realized there was nothing available except a very small flowered robe, but before he could put too much thought into how he would look in it and if it would cover his manliness, he heard footsteps and the clink of dishes coming down the hall. He lay back in the bed and pulled the covers back over him just as Iris appeared in the doorway, a tray with two glasses of orange juice and a large plate of sausage, bacon, toast and potatoes balanced in her hands. She smiled nervously at him and he just started babbling.
“Oh, look at you! Now there’s a breakfast. You know-“ He stopped momentarily to take the tray as she settled on the edge of the bed. “-there’s no breakfast like an English breakfast. Just fills you up, gets the day started off right, hardens the arteries but, well, certainly fills the stomach.” He grinned his manic smile as he took a piece of buttered toast from the plate and began slathering it with gooseberry jam.
“Oh, and look, jam! I love jam,” he said as he pushed a large portion of it into his mouth, hoping to have an excuse not to continue gobbing.
He watched her smile as she lowered her eyes to the plate, lifting a fork but then just pushing some potatoes around on the plate. He knew what he had done was wrong, not only abusing her trust but that of her brother. He chewed his toast quickly and swallowed, anxious to say what he needed to say and, he was sure, what she needed to hear.
“Look, about last night, I…” He trailed off, uncertain as to what to say to her.
She looked up at him and he was caught by the almost defiant look in her eyes.
“No.”
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, completely at a loss as to what she was going to say next and just a little afraid that she was going to yell at him or worse, hit him.
Instead, she reached out and took his hand.
“You didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. You needed that last night. I don’t know what happened to you, or what happened with her, but you needed that.” She turned his hand over and traced her fingertip around his open palm. “I’m not looking for a long term relationship.” She looked up at him and laughed. “I’ve got school and I’m not even around here much when I’m in classes. You ‘re still sorting things out and so I’m guessing you aren’t much looking either.” She picked up the tray and placed it over to the side of the bed. She leaned over, and he could see the swell of her bare breasts under the terry robe belted loosely about her waist. “Let’s just take this as it is and see what happens.”
“Iris, I can’t do this. You deserve so much better, and besides, I don’t need your brother pummeling me every time he sees me.”
She smiled and reached over to rest her hand on his lap, causing his cock to twitch and in turn causing his cheeks to colour. She noticed and smiled.
“I’m a grown up, no matter what Danny says. I know about your Torchwood connection. Yeah, he’ll be a little stiff about this but he pretty much let’s me be when it comes to relationships.” She moved her hand around in a circle and he felt himself harden, even as much as he thought he shouldn’t . But why the hell not? Rose is gone, she’s found someone else.
His anger and hurt from the night before at what Rose had done now seemed to have softened somewhat to concern for her future. The wound of her loss would be a long time healing, but a part of him was beginning to hope that she had found some happiness, that whoever this other bloke was would be someone who would love her and give her the life neither he nor the Proper Doctor could.
He reached out to Iris and cupped her cheek. “I am so lost right now,” he said quietly. “I can’t promise you anything other than the moment. I truly don’t want to hurt you.”
She rose on her knees and leaned over to press her lips against his. “Then don’t,” she whispered as she pulled the covers from him and grasped his hardness, stroking him languidly.
Whether she was a good liar or he just chose not to see what was in her eyes didn’t matter to either of them. This time he took her gently and slowly, bringing her to climax twice before he moaned his own release. But although he tried to focus solely on her, thoughts of Rose kept creeping into his head, and for a moment he felt she was there, watching him with Iris for just a second before she pulled away in sadness. What am I doing, he wondered, but then Iris twisted under him and he turned his attentions back to the flesh pressed against him, trying so hard not to see the ghost watching from the corner.
# # #
She had sat in the dark office for hours, the acute despair paralysing her. Her phone lay broken and unusable on the floor in the corner, shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. She looked at the clock on her wall. 1.00 a.m. Mum will be worrying if I don’t get home soon.
She stood up from the office chair, still feeling a little woozy on her feet. She looked at the phone on the floor again, and wondered how she was going to explain the damage done to it when she applied for a replacement.
As she gathered her purse and backpack, she thought again about the images she had seen of the Doctor. Are you happy with her? Does she love you? Or are you just trying to forget me?
Her body felt leaden and weighted, and her feet literally felt like she couldn’t lift them from the ground as she walked out of her office headed to her car and to home. Her mind kept turning over each day, almost hour by hour, of her brief time with the Doctor since her second return to Bad Wolf Bay. What did I do wrong? She laughed out loudly, thinking how anyone who heard her along the Torchwood halls would think her mad. “What didn’t I do wrong?” she muttered out loud.
But the one thing she had held onto until that night was the belief he would eventually come home to her. There was no one else for her, would never be anyone else for her. In the four months they had been apart, she hadn’t even looked at another person. Why couldn’t he do the same?
When the images had first come crashing into her head that night of him with the other woman (Woman? She was younger than me.), she couldn’t grasp that it was really him. Instead, she had this crazy notion that somehow she was getting wires crossed and that somehow she was receiving images of someone else having sex. She laughed as she exited the building into the parking deck. Yep, that was it. The irreversible life bond with your soul mate just must have gotten crossed with someone else’s irreversible bond with their soul mate.
As she unlocked the door of her car and climbed in, she tried to turn her mind to the bond, imagining it like a wire stretched from her mind (my heart) to his. She had never been able to touch him voluntarily; the touches they had shared had always come from his side of the bond, and she wasn’t even sure how much he could control it. Surely, she thought as she backed the car out of the space, he couldn’t have intended to send her those images.
But as she drove home to the Tyler mansion, the tension began to build in her as she wondered if he had meant to hurt her, to let her know in no uncertain terms that it was over and he had moved on. No, he would never purposely hurt me. She bit her lip and felt tears begin to well in her eyes. Would he?
As she pulled into the driveway, she noticed that the light in the kitchen was still on, and a quick glance at the clock on her dashboard showed 1.40 a.m. She wasn’t anxious to share this latest development with her mum, but she knew if Jackie was waiting in the kitchen for her, she would be unable to hide the look of utter hopelessness on her face.
She put the car in gear and shut off the ignition. She grabbed her belongings and swung open the door. It was when she stood up from the car, that she was hit with a barrage of images - these even more graphic than before. She could actually feel him thrusting and pounding, could hear her moaning out his name. John? The whole exchange happened in just a few seconds, but then she felt as if her brain had cracked and a searing pain shot through the left temple.
She stumbled from the car, dropping her purse and backpack to the ground. Unable to bend down and pick them up, she left them where they lay as she blindly made her way to the kitchen door. The pain subsided long enough for her to put the key in the lock, but as she pushed open the door, just as she saw her mother look up to her and cry out her name, another bolt of pain seared behind her ear and she collapsed to her knees. She began to heave violently, spewing the contents of her stomach across the white tiled floor. The last thing she remembered before fading into the darkness was hearing Jackie screaming for Pete as she ran across the room to catch her daughter.
Tender Chapter 1
Tender Chapter 2
Tender Chapter 3
Tender Chapter 4
Tender Chapter 5
Tender Chapter 6
Tender Chapter 7
Tender Chapter 8
Tender Chapter 9
Tender Chapter 10
Tender Chapter 11
Tender Chapter 12
Tender Chapter 13
Tender Chapter 14
Author: naughtybunny23
Character/Pairing: Ten/Rose, TenII/Rose, Jackie Tyler, Pete Tyler, OC, Torchwood
Beta: carly21 Stay sane, sweets!
Rating: Adult content, explicit material, yada yada yada.
Summary: Disturbing visions torture John and Rose, but where do they come from and are they even real? John makes a decision in his personal life that could change his relationship with Rose forever.
Disclaimer: The Doctor, all versions of him and all related characters are the property of the BBC but I sneak them out the toy box every now and then to play.
Notes: This fic started out on the 20 chapter plan, but looks like it may stretch out to 25 chapters. Let’s see where it goes from here.
The smell of a proper English fry-up slowly permeated his senses, pulling him from the dark depths of sleep with a deep rumble from his empty stomach. He floated in that space between dark and light, the place where dreams fade softly to reality. Oh, Jackie, bless your breakfasts, sausages and potatoes and eggs…. He smiled as he rolled over, eyes still closed as he licked his parched lips and stretched out his arm across the bed. He was surprised at how thirsty he was and hoped that Jackie had put out a pitcher of that wonderfully fresh pulpy o.j.
Then flesh met cold linen and an empty space, and his body was wrenched away from the soft embrace of a world that now only existed in his dreams. He buried his face in the pillow, eyes clenched against the welling tears and the faint smell of citrus reminding him of what he had done the night before.
# # #
He had walked in the rain to Danny’s house, determined to go anywhere to escape the images still burning through his brain. The bond with Rose still trembled through him like a taut wire being pulled too tightly, and every reverberation heralded another flash of her in the throes of passion with someone who was not him. He walked faster, pressing his hands to his temples as if to squeeze the images out of his head by force. He felt the nausea rising from deep inside, the burn of the bile in his throat adding to his distress. He began to wretch uncontrollably and stopped to vomit on the sidewalk, oblivious to the few passersby who looked at him uncomfortably and assumed that at this time of night he was just some bloke headed home from a bender.
The nausea subsided long enough for him to wipe his mouth and begin running to Danny’s house, but at midnight when he was hammering on the door with his fists, the flashes returned. Danny threw open the door just in time to see John vomit on his doorstep then collapse sobbing in the doorway, trembling and soaked to the skin.
Danny slid his hands under John’s arms, pulled him to his feet then heaved him up under arms and legs to get him over to the couch. Danny was a burly guy capable of easily picking up a grown man, but he marvelled briefly at how very thin John was, possibly even thinner than he had been when he first entered the shop four months ago. Long hours at work and a diet of fast food usually meant gaining weight (as Danny could prove with his own physique), but John’s hyperactivity and manic mood swings obviously negated the effects of his high caloric intake.
Danny dropped John on the couch, jumping back just as John rolled over on his side and began heaving again. Iris was barely able to get the wastebasket over to him in time as he vomited, and she winced at the strain on John’s face as he struggled to disgorge an already depleted stomach.
After a few minutes, the nausea subsided and John rolled over on his back, his arm across his eyes. He was pale and shaky and as she dabbed at his face with a moist flannel, she was shocked at how cold his skin was. He reached for a glass of water she handed him, rinsing out his mouth several times and leaning over to spit into the basket before he then drank the rest of the water. She looked to her brother in silent command and he left the room to return a moment later with several blankets. They stripped him of his wet clothes and wrapped him tightly in the blankets.
He stopped shivering finally and pulling his arm from his face, cracked his eyes. Iris reached up to turn off the side lamp as Danny moved over to shut off the ceiling light. Danny leaned against the door jamb and Iris settled on the floor next to the couch, still dabbing John’s face with the soft, cool flannel. He moved his arm down to his side and smiled weakly at the two. Still unable to focus fully, John could at least detect the worry on both Danny’s and Iris’s faces, even in the room now lit only by the light of the full moon outside the windows.
He smiled weakly. “Well, some house guest I turned out to be. Invite me over to your house and I end up chucking all over and then collapsing on your couch.” He managed a laugh. “What a party, yeah?”
Danny moved over to stand at the end of the couch, massaging his neck and still looking worried. “What happened to you, mate? Are you off your head?”
“No, no, I’ve had nothing to drink. I was working late then I called you, but I started to feel a little woozy when I left the shop. By the time I got here, I was…well…” He grimaced painfully when he shifted on the couch. “Must have been something I ate,” he lied as he looked up at Danny.
“Do we need to call 999 or get you to the AE?” Iris moved her hand away from his face, placing the flannel on the floor beside her.
“No, no…I’m fine. I’ll just get up and…” He started to sit up but the dizziness returned and he flopped back.
“I think maybe you should stay here for the night, see how you feel in the morning.” John opened his mouth to disagree with Danny, but the look on Danny’s face and the remaining dizziness in his head made John reassess his situation in favour of remaining as he was on Danny’s couch.
Iris smiled grimly at John and patted his hand as she stood to leave, a clear look of disappointment on her face. Danny watched her go back to her room after kissing him goodnight and, when he heard her bedroom door close, turned his attention back to John still lying on the couch. The colour had returned to his face, but his eyes still held that deep look of longing and loss Danny had seen when he collapsed on his knees at his door.
“What really happened out there, John?” Danny spoke softly with no accusation, just a deep sense of concern. When John remained silent, just staring at the wall opposite the couch, Danny continued. “When you called tonight, you sounded like you had just gotten the worst news of your life and needed to be anywhere but alone.” He craned his neck to catch John’s gaze and met his eyes as John turned to face him.
“Was it her?” Danny asked.
John swallowed and bit his lip. How could he explain to Danny what had happened, that the life bond that was forever between Rose and him was being torn by the roots from the core of his soul? That the mental anguish of what she was doing to him was manifesting in actual physical illness? He looked up at Danny and nodded silently.
Danny knew that John wasn’t going to talk about whatever had happened tonight, and he merely nodded back, silently communicating that he understood.
“Well, then, try to get some sleep and let’s see how you’re doing in the morning. Don’t worry about opening up, I’ll cover it until we see how you do.” He turned then and left, the creaking of the hardwood floors signalling his trek down the hall and to the back of the house where John assumed his bedroom to be. He heard the door click into place and then the house was silent.
He settled back onto the couch and closed his eyes, afraid of what images might pop into his mind but so desperately lonely for her. There was nothing there - no images of her and another, no images at all. His head was empty and as silent as the house as he drifted off to sleep, one lone tear trailing down his cheek.
# # #
“John.” The voice sounded in his head from a million miles away, and he thought that he must be falling out of his bed. “John!”
His eyes popped open then settled on an oval face framed by a fringe of blonde air. He smiled and started to reach towards her in the darkness, but dropped his hand as he saw blue eyes instead of the brown he was looking for. He closed his eyes and turned away, reaching inside his mind to hear her but meeting only lonely silence.
“John?” She reached under his chin and pulled his face back towards her. “What’s wrong? Please won’t you tell me what happened?”
He pushed Iris’s hand away gently and kept his eyes closed as he spoke. “Why are you up? What time is it?”
“It’s around 3.30.”
“I’m fine…go back to bed and please just let me be.” He started to rise from the couch, but then stopped when she placed her hand against his chest. The feel of her warmth against his bare flesh reminded him that he was still naked from the night before, and he opened his eyes to look at the blankets that still covered his dignity.
She smiled sheepishly. “Uh, you might want to rethink getting up right now.” He flopped back onto the couch and she removed her hand to place it curled in her lap. “One, you are still woozy from last night and whatever you got into on the way here. Two…” Her eyes moved down his torso and back to his face. “You are still quite naked under there.”
He ached at the memory of another time a beautiful blonde had cared for him in sickness and undressed him for bed - a time filled with robot Santas, killer Christmas trees and satsumas hidden in dressing gown pockets. He tapped again into the bond, feeling it vibrate as if he had plucked a piano string - but to no avail.
“I woke up and heard you crying out in your sleep.” She looked down at her lap as her other hand joined the one already curled there. “I’m sorry, I was worried something was wrong.”
He looked at Iris then, really looked, and was touched by the very genuine look of concern on her face coloured by just a hint of embarrassment. He reached out and patted her hand and she looked up at him and smiled.
“Thank you,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry. I guess I’m not much of a late night guest. Sorry about that.”
“It’s her, isn’t it?” John looked startled into her face, willing her to stop but she continued nervously. “Danny told me you had a girlfriend or wife or something and that you recently had broken up.” She looked away. “I’m sorry if something happened tonight. You sounded so lonely on the phone, that’s why I asked you over.” The tempo of her delivery speeded up. “ Danny didn’t want me to, he says I need to steer clear of you, but I-“
Iris was cut off abruptly when John pulled her down to kiss her, crushing her to his chest hard enough to stifle her breathing. She struggled against him but he only held her harder against him, his fingers digging into her arms almost painfully. When she finally began to whimper, he released her, pushing her away from him almost hard enough to land her on the floor. He raked his hand through his hair and he looked so anguished that she had a brief image of him howling and pulling it out by the roots.
She looked at him, not knowing what to say, desirous of what he wanted to do but afraid of why he wanted to do it. He in turn closed his eyes and tried to access the bond but all he could raise were the last images he had of her, wrapped around her obvious new lover and enjoying every minute of what they were doing. You never even gave me a chance. I would have waited forever for you. I would have come back for you.
He turned to look at Iris. He didn’t love her, he knew this and he also knew he wasn’t going to love her. But she was willing and able, and what he needed more than anything was to wipe Rose from his mind and from his heart. If she had found someone else, so be it. Time to move on.
He pushed the blankets from him, suddenly feeling stifled from their heat. He was already semi-erect when he stood and folded her against him, pushing himself against her as he covered her mouth with his. She pushed away from him and looked into his face, seeing arousal and need but nothing else. For an instance she pondered whether this was how she wanted him, knowing that he was still so deeply and painfully in love with someone else. But maybe, just maybe, she would overcome this and he would learn to love her. She took John’s hand and led him back to her bed.
He thought as he lowered his face between her thighs that at least for the moments he was with Iris he could forget about Rose. But as he pushed his tongue inside her, all he could think about was Rose - how she tasted, how she squirmed when he circled her with his tongue. He just wanted this to be over and he pushed her thighs violently apart, flicking his tongue against the little bundle of nerves until she cried out her release. With that done, he climbed up her torso, not even kissing her as he quickly sheathed himself inside her. I used to love to let her taste herself on my lips as I pushed slowly inside her, loved the way she moaned as I stretched her open. He immediately began to thrust inside her, burying his face into her shoulder so as to avoid her attempts to kiss him. In just a few minutes it was over as he grunted and came, making as little noise as possible to avoid waking Danny and because the only thing he wanted to yell was her name. He pulled out of her, the sudden feel of dampness on his thighs an immediate reminder that he should have worn a condom. He rose from the bed and padded to her ensuite, finding a flannel to clean himself, then climbed back into the bed where he handed it to her to do the same.
He said nothing; she had remained quiet other than a few non-verbal groans and cries throughout. There was nothing to say. She quietly pulled the sheet and blanket up to cover them and rolled away from him, her back to him so he wouldn’t see the tears. He could feel the sadness in her silence, and suddenly feeling for her, rolled over and pulled her over to him, resting her head against his shoulder. He reached under the blanket and pulled her thigh over his and then wrapped his arm around her to pull her even closer. He kissed the top of her head. “Sshhhh…it’s alright,” he said soothingly. “I’ve got you.” As soon as the words were out, he felt as if the night sky had collapsed on him. You used to say that to me when I had nightmares.
He lay with her there in the dark, holding her close so she couldn’t move and possibly see the tears welling in his eyes. She never spoke and he felt her breathing slowly even out until it was the shallow cadence of sleep. As he drifted off, he whispered “I’m sorry” against her hair, not knowing if his guilt was for what he had done to Iris tonight or for all he had ever done to Rose.
# # #
She was gone from the bed when he awoke the next morning. For a brief moment he thought he was back at the mansion and Jackie was down in the kitchen making breakfast. It was when he rolled over to reach for Rose that the memories of last night crashed down on him. The bedside clock read 8.30; that meant Danny had already left for the morning to open the store so he was at least granted a reprieve on facing the wrath of an older brother whose sister he had just fucked.
But the sounds from the kitchen meant that sister was still here and awake and up, and he would have to face her, better now than to put it off. He sat up, the dizziness of the night before gone but still weak from the empty stomach. He realized he was naked and looked around to see if there was something he could wear to make it out into the kitchen. He realized there was nothing available except a very small flowered robe, but before he could put too much thought into how he would look in it and if it would cover his manliness, he heard footsteps and the clink of dishes coming down the hall. He lay back in the bed and pulled the covers back over him just as Iris appeared in the doorway, a tray with two glasses of orange juice and a large plate of sausage, bacon, toast and potatoes balanced in her hands. She smiled nervously at him and he just started babbling.
“Oh, look at you! Now there’s a breakfast. You know-“ He stopped momentarily to take the tray as she settled on the edge of the bed. “-there’s no breakfast like an English breakfast. Just fills you up, gets the day started off right, hardens the arteries but, well, certainly fills the stomach.” He grinned his manic smile as he took a piece of buttered toast from the plate and began slathering it with gooseberry jam.
“Oh, and look, jam! I love jam,” he said as he pushed a large portion of it into his mouth, hoping to have an excuse not to continue gobbing.
He watched her smile as she lowered her eyes to the plate, lifting a fork but then just pushing some potatoes around on the plate. He knew what he had done was wrong, not only abusing her trust but that of her brother. He chewed his toast quickly and swallowed, anxious to say what he needed to say and, he was sure, what she needed to hear.
“Look, about last night, I…” He trailed off, uncertain as to what to say to her.
She looked up at him and he was caught by the almost defiant look in her eyes.
“No.”
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, completely at a loss as to what she was going to say next and just a little afraid that she was going to yell at him or worse, hit him.
Instead, she reached out and took his hand.
“You didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. You needed that last night. I don’t know what happened to you, or what happened with her, but you needed that.” She turned his hand over and traced her fingertip around his open palm. “I’m not looking for a long term relationship.” She looked up at him and laughed. “I’ve got school and I’m not even around here much when I’m in classes. You ‘re still sorting things out and so I’m guessing you aren’t much looking either.” She picked up the tray and placed it over to the side of the bed. She leaned over, and he could see the swell of her bare breasts under the terry robe belted loosely about her waist. “Let’s just take this as it is and see what happens.”
“Iris, I can’t do this. You deserve so much better, and besides, I don’t need your brother pummeling me every time he sees me.”
She smiled and reached over to rest her hand on his lap, causing his cock to twitch and in turn causing his cheeks to colour. She noticed and smiled.
“I’m a grown up, no matter what Danny says. I know about your Torchwood connection. Yeah, he’ll be a little stiff about this but he pretty much let’s me be when it comes to relationships.” She moved her hand around in a circle and he felt himself harden, even as much as he thought he shouldn’t . But why the hell not? Rose is gone, she’s found someone else.
His anger and hurt from the night before at what Rose had done now seemed to have softened somewhat to concern for her future. The wound of her loss would be a long time healing, but a part of him was beginning to hope that she had found some happiness, that whoever this other bloke was would be someone who would love her and give her the life neither he nor the Proper Doctor could.
He reached out to Iris and cupped her cheek. “I am so lost right now,” he said quietly. “I can’t promise you anything other than the moment. I truly don’t want to hurt you.”
She rose on her knees and leaned over to press her lips against his. “Then don’t,” she whispered as she pulled the covers from him and grasped his hardness, stroking him languidly.
Whether she was a good liar or he just chose not to see what was in her eyes didn’t matter to either of them. This time he took her gently and slowly, bringing her to climax twice before he moaned his own release. But although he tried to focus solely on her, thoughts of Rose kept creeping into his head, and for a moment he felt she was there, watching him with Iris for just a second before she pulled away in sadness. What am I doing, he wondered, but then Iris twisted under him and he turned his attentions back to the flesh pressed against him, trying so hard not to see the ghost watching from the corner.
# # #
She had sat in the dark office for hours, the acute despair paralysing her. Her phone lay broken and unusable on the floor in the corner, shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. She looked at the clock on her wall. 1.00 a.m. Mum will be worrying if I don’t get home soon.
She stood up from the office chair, still feeling a little woozy on her feet. She looked at the phone on the floor again, and wondered how she was going to explain the damage done to it when she applied for a replacement.
As she gathered her purse and backpack, she thought again about the images she had seen of the Doctor. Are you happy with her? Does she love you? Or are you just trying to forget me?
Her body felt leaden and weighted, and her feet literally felt like she couldn’t lift them from the ground as she walked out of her office headed to her car and to home. Her mind kept turning over each day, almost hour by hour, of her brief time with the Doctor since her second return to Bad Wolf Bay. What did I do wrong? She laughed out loudly, thinking how anyone who heard her along the Torchwood halls would think her mad. “What didn’t I do wrong?” she muttered out loud.
But the one thing she had held onto until that night was the belief he would eventually come home to her. There was no one else for her, would never be anyone else for her. In the four months they had been apart, she hadn’t even looked at another person. Why couldn’t he do the same?
When the images had first come crashing into her head that night of him with the other woman (Woman? She was younger than me.), she couldn’t grasp that it was really him. Instead, she had this crazy notion that somehow she was getting wires crossed and that somehow she was receiving images of someone else having sex. She laughed as she exited the building into the parking deck. Yep, that was it. The irreversible life bond with your soul mate just must have gotten crossed with someone else’s irreversible bond with their soul mate.
As she unlocked the door of her car and climbed in, she tried to turn her mind to the bond, imagining it like a wire stretched from her mind (my heart) to his. She had never been able to touch him voluntarily; the touches they had shared had always come from his side of the bond, and she wasn’t even sure how much he could control it. Surely, she thought as she backed the car out of the space, he couldn’t have intended to send her those images.
But as she drove home to the Tyler mansion, the tension began to build in her as she wondered if he had meant to hurt her, to let her know in no uncertain terms that it was over and he had moved on. No, he would never purposely hurt me. She bit her lip and felt tears begin to well in her eyes. Would he?
As she pulled into the driveway, she noticed that the light in the kitchen was still on, and a quick glance at the clock on her dashboard showed 1.40 a.m. She wasn’t anxious to share this latest development with her mum, but she knew if Jackie was waiting in the kitchen for her, she would be unable to hide the look of utter hopelessness on her face.
She put the car in gear and shut off the ignition. She grabbed her belongings and swung open the door. It was when she stood up from the car, that she was hit with a barrage of images - these even more graphic than before. She could actually feel him thrusting and pounding, could hear her moaning out his name. John? The whole exchange happened in just a few seconds, but then she felt as if her brain had cracked and a searing pain shot through the left temple.
She stumbled from the car, dropping her purse and backpack to the ground. Unable to bend down and pick them up, she left them where they lay as she blindly made her way to the kitchen door. The pain subsided long enough for her to put the key in the lock, but as she pushed open the door, just as she saw her mother look up to her and cry out her name, another bolt of pain seared behind her ear and she collapsed to her knees. She began to heave violently, spewing the contents of her stomach across the white tiled floor. The last thing she remembered before fading into the darkness was hearing Jackie screaming for Pete as she ran across the room to catch her daughter.
Tender Chapter 1
Tender Chapter 2
Tender Chapter 3
Tender Chapter 4
Tender Chapter 5
Tender Chapter 6
Tender Chapter 7
Tender Chapter 8
Tender Chapter 9
Tender Chapter 10
Tender Chapter 11
Tender Chapter 12
Tender Chapter 13
Tender Chapter 14