After the Parting 5/9
Yeah, yeah, I said morphing... ;)
Story: After the Parting
Author: WMR
Characters: Ten, Rose, Jack
Rating: PG
Summary: The Doctor and Rose are back together. Jack has a new job. But what happens when the Doctor finds out about Torchwood? A story in the same universe as the Earth to Ashes series.
With thanks to my lovely and much-valued BRs,
dark_aegis and
nnwest.
Chapter 1: Betrayal
Chapter 2: Confrontation
Chapter 3: Interfering
Chapter 4: Divided Loyalties
Chapter 5: Persuasion
A sound catches her attention, and she pulls back from Jack.
Someone’s outside. It can only be the Doctor. She jumps to her feet and hurries to the door, looking outside just in time to catch sight of the end of his coat flapping as he turns the corner.
How much did he hear? Or see?
Obviously something, or he wouldn’t be walking away. Because the only reason he would’ve been here would be to find her. Or Jack.
Torn between the two of them, she bites her lip.
“What’s wrong?” Concern on his face, Jack comes to join her. His hand comes to her shoulder.
“The Doctor was here.” She turns troubled eyes to his.
“Ah.” Understanding dawns in his gaze. “You think he saw us?”
“Maybe.”
He pulls a face. “Go on. I know you want to go to him.” She hesitates. Doesn’t want to hurt Jack more than he already is.
“I’ll be fine,” he assures her. “I guess he and I will talk some more later - not that I know why the hell he wants to go over the same ground again. But I won’t leave without saying goodbye.”
“You better not.” And she leans into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Missed you so much, Jack.”
Then a question occurs to her. “How long’s it been for you?”
His eyes are shadowed. “Eighteen months, give or take a few weeks.”
God. That long? For her, about a month, and that was long enough. “I’m sorry.”
He smiles, and it’s the Jack-smile she remembers. “Wasn’t your fault.”
Maybe it is. Maybe she should have insisted that he go back for Jack. On the other hand, she knows the Doctor. He obviously had a reason. She’s just furious and hurt now that he never told her.
“Better go,” she tells him. “See you in a bit.”
He nods, and she hurries out. Goes to the console room first, finds it empty. Then checks the kitchen, and finds him making tea, his long coat now discarded.
He turns as she enters, giving her a smile. But it’s forced, and she can see it. “Tea?” he asks, his tone cheerful, but it’s not genuine either. And her anger’s forgotten in her concern for him.
It’s not fair. She loves Jack. And she loves the Doctor too. The way they’re both behaving, it’s as if they’re forcing her to choose between them, and she won’t do that.
“Yeah. Thanks.” She moves to his side, slides her hand into his. “You all right, Doctor? Saw you walking away from Jack’s room.”
And that’s another difference between him now and him then. He is far more transparent. She can see that he’s a little hurt, a little chagrined. And she can ask him directly about it. Before, he’d have hidden his feelings behind a veil of sarcasm, or closed himself off from her. Denied that there was anything wrong at all, if she asked.
Now, she can ask. And he might even tell her.
“Went to finish our conversation. But you two looked busy, so I left you to it.” That’s said with just a little lift of an eyebrow, and his mouth turns down at the corners.
She’s not going to apologise for kissing Jack. “I missed him,” she says pointedly. “D’you know I thought he was dead?”
“Oh.” He frowns. “Never meant you to think that. Should’ve asked me.” He releases her hand and continues making tea.
Not as if she didn’t try. And he could’ve explained. Just as he could have gone back for Jack. Still, if he didn’t know that’s what she thought... “Any time I ask you about anything that happened back there, you won’t answer.”
She might not want to hurt him, but she’s not going to let him get away with stuff either.
He nods. “It’s not easy to explain, Rose. And I know you don’t like it, but I thought it’d be best if you didn’t know.”
She shakes her head. “Like I said, this time you’re going to tell me. Right?”
He holds her gaze for a moment, then nods again. “Later. All right?”
That makes sense. There’s enough going on right now as it is. “Okay. And don’t ever make decisions for me again, Doctor. ‘Bout this or some stupid emergency programme.”
He sighs a little. “Should’ve known you’d find a way of getting around that.” But then he smiles. “Told you you’re the best, didn’t I?”
“We were the best,” she counters. “The three of us.”
He winces and looks away.
She swallows, anger and hurt coursing through her. “I hate this, Doctor! Really hate it. You two - you used to trust each other. You used to care about each other! Now you think he’s a traitor an’ he... He wants me to leave here with him because he thinks you might turn on me too.”
“You don’t think that, do you?” He sounds alarmed. Looks worried.
She catches at his hand again. “Course not!” But he’s not going to ignore her point. “Doctor, I know you’re angry because he’s with Torchwood. But you know him! Why can’t you give him a chance to explain?”
His lips thin. “There’s nothing he can say that’ll change anything, Rose. They were retreating. You know that. He fired on an army that’d surrendered.”
“Because Harriet Jones told him to!” she retorts. “Besides, did he even know they’d surrendered?”
He frowns, giving her an arrested look. “He said that?”
“No. He didn’t say anything ‘bout it. We didn’t talk about it.” She shrugs. “But what if he didn’t know?”
He sucks air in through his teeth, a mannerism that’s arrived with the new body. “Dunno. Have to see if he did or not.”
He pours the tea, adding milk and sugar for each of them, and leads the way to the table. As he sits, he looks at her and his expression grows sad. “So, you’re talking about leaving me.”
“No!” she exclaims. “Well... I mean, not now. Not yet. Some day. It’s gonna happen, isn’t it? Like you’ve said, all your companions left.”
“Parting is inevitable,” he murmurs. “But you don’t wanna leave, do you?” And he actually sounds anxious.
“Course not,” she says quickly. “Told you, Doctor. But...” And she pulls a face. “Some day, yeah. I might want to. Or you might want me to. Or something might happen an’ I can’t stay.”
His expression is sober. “Yeah. That’s the way it usually happens. But...” His face brightens suddenly. “Not for ages yet, I hope.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“You know he’s wrong, don’t you?” His gaze on her is earnest again. She gives him a questioning glance. “I wouldn’t... turn on you, as he put it.” He almost sneers the words.
“Course I know you wouldn’t! I told you.” She sighs. “Told him that, too. God, Doctor, I just want to knock your heads together!”
He smiles at that, and covers his head with his hands in an exaggerated protective gesture. “But that’s not the only reason he wants you to leave, y’know,” he adds. “He wants you.”
And she can’t deny that, though she’s still surprised at it. That, even though it’s been eighteen months for him, Jack still cares about her - loves her - and wants her. They’ve been apart, in his timeline, far longer than they knew each other. Yet that kiss showed her that, for him, nothing’s changed about his feelings for her.
The saddest thing is that he still cares about the Doctor, too - but the Doctor he knew. That’s so obvious from some of the things he said.
The three of them together - they were such a close-knit team. They loved each other. She knows that. Even the Doctor, with his continual asides and barbs about humans and their tiny little brains, loved the two of them.
That’s why this rift between the two of them is so painful.
But she understands, too. For the Doctor, this is a kind of betrayal. He was close to Jack. Trusted him. Depended on him for his life sometimes. Jack was important to him. And the position Jack holds now is one the Doctor sees as fundamentally wrong. Jack occupying that job, and being involved in firing that weapon, feels like a very personal betrayal. Because it goes against what he stands for, and Jack should have known that.
She saw how he reacted in the instant he saw the Sycorax ship blow up, after all, and realised what Harriet Jones had done. He’d seen that as a betrayal, too, and, she suspects, also took it personally. Because he’d liked Harriet. Respected her. Believed that she liked and respected him. And then she did that, going against everything he believed in. He’d expected better from her.
Just as he expected better from Jack.
She grimaces. “You won’t think I’m betraying you, too, if I want to go back to Jack when I leave you?”
He sighs, meeting her gaze with a sad but resigned expression. “No. Jack’s essentially a good man. I know that - that’s why I’m so angry with him. He has it in him to be so much better than this. He has been so much better. That’s what pains me most about what he’s become. I don’t know if we can resolve this thing, but even if we can’t I know you care about him an’ I respect that. And, to be honest, if you have to leave me I’d rather take you to Jack than Mickey. I know I’ve not always been fair to Mickey in the past, but you wouldn’t be happy with him. I think you could be with Jack.”
That’s generous of him, considering the way he feels about Jack now. It gives her hope that not all is lost. If she can only get them talking properly, without trying to score points off each other or attack each other’s point of view...
“Thanks, Doctor.” And she smiles at him.
He meets her gaze and smiles back. “ ‘S long as you know that’s not gonna be for a very long time.”
And that makes her smile more.
*******
He’s always loved her smile. Loves it more now that he can smile back at her more often. He always wanted to return her smile more before, but too many things got in the way. Gallifrey, always Gallifrey; but also the desperate need not to fall. Not to feel.
Not to let himself be vulnerable, because she would leave. They all leave.
Now, he’s still vulnerable, but he’s willing to be.
Her smile is as bright and shining as the most brilliant star. And he can’t help himself.
He leans over and captures it with his lips.
Her instant reaction is shock; he can feel it in the way she tenses under his kiss. But then she moves. Her lips press against his as she returns the kiss. There’s the faintest of sighs against his mouth, and her lips part.
She moves closer. Her arms wind themselves around his neck. He catches her about her waist, drawing her nearer still. And all the time he’s kissing her, tasting her, learning her.
It’s different from their previous kiss. He is different, and it’s surprising just what a change that makes. But it’s good. Still good. Still fantastic.
So much for never kissing her again. But he can’t regret this.
Finally, he draws back, just a little. But doesn’t let her go. One hand moves from her waist to touch her face with his fingertips. Another thing that feels different with this new body - the sensation of Rose’s skin under his. But good different. Not better than before. Just different.
“Doctor.” Her voice sounds almost dazed. Has he done that to her?
“Rose.” He allows his amusement to show, but there’s fondness there too. And sheer joy in the smile he gives her.
“Never thought you’d do that.”
He never had either. But he’s just a more impulsive sort of man now, he thinks.
Besides, if Jack can kiss her, so can he.
She surprises him by leaning up to kiss him again. And he slides his hand around and into her hair, tugging her closer so that he can deepen the kiss more easily.
Now, he has one answer, and one question.
He wondered if she thought he was sexy; he knows the answer to that now.
But he has no idea why he decided he was never going to do this again.
“Blimey,” he murmurs as they draw apart this time. “So that’s what I was missing all this time.”
Her eyes widen. “All what time? You don’t mean all your life, do you?”
He laughs. “Now, come on, Rose. You do remember me telling you that I’ve danced, don’t you?” And he winks at her. “Nah. I mean with you.”
And that actually makes her blush. “Always wished you would, y’know. Before.”
“Me, too. No, really,” he adds as she starts shaking her head, suggesting she doesn’t believe him. “I always wanted to. It just... didn’t seem right. You know?”
“S’pose so,” she agrees. “I mean, I always knew you never would. Even though I hoped.” She runs her hand down his arm. “So, what’s changed? Why now?”
He smiles again. Actually, he just can’t seem to stop smiling. “Maybe I’m just not scared any more.”
“Scared? Of what?”
“Oh, you know.” And he shrugs faintly. “This crazy little thing called love. Oh, wait.” He hesitates, frowning. “That’s a song, isn’t it? But you know what I mean.” He stares into the middle distance for a moment. “Time Lords. Humans. My people forbade this, you know, Rose. Though I suppose you don’t know. They’re gone now, so I suppose that doesn’t matter any more. But still, lifespans and all that... an’ you were just talking about your plans for leaving me.”
He’s not making a lot of sense, but the way she nods tells him that she seems to understand.
She catches his face between her hands, making him focus on her. “That why you did it? So that I won’t leave?”
“That’d be unfair of me, wouldn’t it? But did it work?” He smiles, relieved, as she breaks out into a grin, laughing at his audacity. “But, no, it wasn’t anything like that. Pure impulse. I’ve noticed that, have you? I seem to be much more impulsive now. That’s not a bad thing, is it?”
“No, ‘s not.”
“Good.” And he wraps his arms around her, holding her close.
“You’re not going to distract me, you know, Doctor,” she says, though she’s distracting him effectively enough as her hands explore his back, his neck, his hair.
“Distract you?” he mumbles.
“Jack.” She pulls back and meets his gaze, her expression steady but determined. “You gotta sort this. I don’t want him leaving with you two still at each other’s throats. I won’t let you do that. Not with the way things used to be. Doctor, the last time we saw him he went off to die to help us!”
He sighs. No point telling her that she doesn’t understand; he knows Rose well enough to know how she’ll react to that. “It’s not that straightforward. Yes, I haven’t forgotten that. But a lot’s changed since then. It may only have been a few weeks for us, but it’s been a lot longer than that for him. He’s a different man.”
“Yeah, an’ he says you are too. And he doesn’t just mean the regeneration. You’re not letting him see what you’re really like, Doctor. Especially with that thing with the doors. I still can’t believe you did that. That was jus’ cruel.”
He winces. She’s right, actually. Angry as he was - is - and disappointed as he is in Jack, it wasn’t a nice thing to do. Is this new him really such a bastard? It’s not a comfortable feeling. Avoiding her penetrating gaze - she knows him too well, even though this is a new him - he mutters, “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”
“Should be tellin’ him that,” she retorts. “Anyway, the other thing is: how do you know he’s not lettin’ you see the real him, either?”
Disguises. Facades. She’s right; he’s only shown Jack one facet of himself. But then he’s had a good reason for it. And it isn’t as if he’s been trying to win the other man over. As if he even wants to. Does he?
“So, he runs Torchwood,” she continues. “An’ he had something to do with that weapon. Right?”
He nods. “They’d never have been able to use it without him.”
“But did he know what they’d use it for when he told them what it was? Doctor, you know Jack. He’s never been the type to shrug ‘is shoulders and jus’ let people die if he can avoid it. I dunno what he did this time, but maybe he had no choice? You thought of that?”
His fingers comb through her hair, but he’s not focusing on her. He’s staring abstractedly at the wall behind them. Rose is right: should he be judging the man who used to be one of his dearest friends on the basis of one act, an act he probably didn’t even have a choice in?
Of course, there’s also the matter of his job. Yet he’s been through Jack’s desk, the paperwork, much of the contents of his hard drive. From what he can see, Torchwood isn’t entirely the dial-an-alien-murder organisation he’s been suspecting. Much of the work appears to be painstaking searches for alien presence on Earth. A perfectly understandable activity, even he has to admit, even if he himself is sometimes an alien presence on Earth, one who would prefer to go undetected.
Of course, some of it involves advising on dealing with alien threats. Pre-empting them. Anticipating or repelling invasion. Using weapons of mass destruction against them. Is it part of their credo that all aliens are to be considered a threat until proven otherwise? That’s unclear. But, again, Jack should know better. He knows aliens. Knows that there are as many friendly varieties as dangerous. He should be getting that message across. Not focusing his talents on building weapons to wipe them out of the sky.
“Doctor? Promise me you’ll listen to him, okay? An’ be reasonable.”
His expression softens and he smiles at her again. It’s rare that he can refuse Rose anything. Even now, even though he doesn’t especially want to be reasonable with Jack. Odd, that. He’s not an unreasonable man normally, is he? So why is this different?
“Promise.”
*******
Okay. He’s had enough of this.
Being here, back in this room - it just brings back too many memories. It would’ve been easier if the room had been stripped bare, but with everything he owned still here...
The Doctor has no right to keep him here. No right, either, to decide that the discussion is over until he is ready to resume it.
One thing hasn’t changed about the Time Lord. He’s still as arrogant as ever, still as fixed in his belief that the entire universe has the right to his opinion and that their duty is to shut up and listen to it.
He never stood for that before. He won’t now, either.
The only reason the Doctor’s got away with it so far is that he was caught on the defensive. Wasn’t expecting this encounter at all. And, while normally he’s damn good at reacting to the unexpected, quick on his feet, able to hold his own in any situation, no matter how dangerous, there’s always been something about the Doctor that makes him less confident of his abilities. Makes him less sure of himself, of what he’s doing, what he’s saying.
Probably dates from their very first meeting, when the Doctor immediately accused him of causing the gas-mask plague. Kept accusing him of it, insisting that what he thought was a harmless piece of space junk was actually responsible for this virus that was spreading like wildfire all around them. And then finally made him feel like a total heel, an idiot, a stupid, thoughtless moron who didn’t know the first thing about alien technology, instead of a trained Time Agent who’d been living on his wits, his intelligence, his knowledge and abilities for years.
The way the Doctor had looked at him as he’d pointed out what had been inside the Chula ambulance had made him feel about two inches tall.
Yes, the Doctor has always been able to get him on the defensive. To make him conscious of his shortcomings. It’s no wonder that this new Doctor was able to intimidate him so easily.
Not again. He’s used to the new face now, the different style of know-it-all arrogance. And he’s not anybody’s assistant any more. He helped to rebuild the Earth without any help from the Time Lord. And he’s now the director of an important agency. He’s a very different man from the one the Doctor thinks he knows.
There’s no way that he’s going to cool his heels here any longer, waiting for the Doctor to decide that he’s ready to bestow on him a few more minutes of his precious time. And yet more of his conviction that he knows better than anyone else what’s good for the planet. For the universe.
He stalks to the door. The Doctor needs to hear a few home truths. Several of them, in fact. And, since no-one else is likely to be in a position to make him listen...
On the other hand, what does he care about making the Doctor listen? Since when has the Time Lord ever deigned to accept that anyone else’s opinion has validity?
Once, he would have cared what the Doctor thought. Would have wanted to make him see his point of view. Now, he just wants to get out of here.
And just asking got him nowhere. More forceful measures are obviously called for. He slides one hand into his pocket.
The decision made, he leaves the room and heads out to find the Doctor. Not in the console room. Well, he and Rose might still be talking. But where?
He turns on his heel and heads for the kitchen. Remembers many mornings, sometimes evenings, sometimes other times of day spent there drinking tea and just talking. They even made him come to like tea, the two of them.
They’re there. Sitting close together, holding hands, smiling at each other, clearly even closer than they ever were before. And, though his heart twists at the sight, part of him is relieved. The Doctor still does care about Rose. She is safe here with him. He doesn’t need to worry about her if she won’t leave the TARDIS. Which she won’t - he knows she won’t.
She loves him, but she loves the Doctor more. As he’s always known. Regeneration clearly hasn’t changed her feelings for him, either. As for the Doctor, from present appearances it seems regeneration has wiped away at least some of his reticence where Rose is concerned.
He’s taken aback at the stab of jealousy that attacks him at the sight. The two of them, the two people he’d once have said he loved most in the world. Together, entirely wrapped up in each other. And himself, out in the cold. Regarded as the enemy, at least by the Doctor.
And then they see him, and the Doctor’s expression changes. The smile disappears. His expression becomes wary and resigned.
Rose gets up, comes towards him. “Jack. Now, he’s promised - ”
Good. She’s out of the way. He doesn’t want her caught in the middle of this.
He interrupts her, drawing his hand out of his pocket to reveal the gun he almost pulled earlier. Aiming it at the Doctor, he says coldly, “Take me back. Now.”
*******
tbc
x-posted to
better_with_3
Story: After the Parting
Author: WMR
Characters: Ten, Rose, Jack
Rating: PG
Summary: The Doctor and Rose are back together. Jack has a new job. But what happens when the Doctor finds out about Torchwood? A story in the same universe as the Earth to Ashes series.
With thanks to my lovely and much-valued BRs,
dark_aegis and
nnwest.
Chapter 1: Betrayal
Chapter 2: Confrontation
Chapter 3: Interfering
Chapter 4: Divided Loyalties
Chapter 5: Persuasion
A sound catches her attention, and she pulls back from Jack.
Someone’s outside. It can only be the Doctor. She jumps to her feet and hurries to the door, looking outside just in time to catch sight of the end of his coat flapping as he turns the corner.
How much did he hear? Or see?
Obviously something, or he wouldn’t be walking away. Because the only reason he would’ve been here would be to find her. Or Jack.
Torn between the two of them, she bites her lip.
“What’s wrong?” Concern on his face, Jack comes to join her. His hand comes to her shoulder.
“The Doctor was here.” She turns troubled eyes to his.
“Ah.” Understanding dawns in his gaze. “You think he saw us?”
“Maybe.”
He pulls a face. “Go on. I know you want to go to him.” She hesitates. Doesn’t want to hurt Jack more than he already is.
“I’ll be fine,” he assures her. “I guess he and I will talk some more later - not that I know why the hell he wants to go over the same ground again. But I won’t leave without saying goodbye.”
“You better not.” And she leans into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Missed you so much, Jack.”
Then a question occurs to her. “How long’s it been for you?”
His eyes are shadowed. “Eighteen months, give or take a few weeks.”
God. That long? For her, about a month, and that was long enough. “I’m sorry.”
He smiles, and it’s the Jack-smile she remembers. “Wasn’t your fault.”
Maybe it is. Maybe she should have insisted that he go back for Jack. On the other hand, she knows the Doctor. He obviously had a reason. She’s just furious and hurt now that he never told her.
“Better go,” she tells him. “See you in a bit.”
He nods, and she hurries out. Goes to the console room first, finds it empty. Then checks the kitchen, and finds him making tea, his long coat now discarded.
He turns as she enters, giving her a smile. But it’s forced, and she can see it. “Tea?” he asks, his tone cheerful, but it’s not genuine either. And her anger’s forgotten in her concern for him.
It’s not fair. She loves Jack. And she loves the Doctor too. The way they’re both behaving, it’s as if they’re forcing her to choose between them, and she won’t do that.
“Yeah. Thanks.” She moves to his side, slides her hand into his. “You all right, Doctor? Saw you walking away from Jack’s room.”
And that’s another difference between him now and him then. He is far more transparent. She can see that he’s a little hurt, a little chagrined. And she can ask him directly about it. Before, he’d have hidden his feelings behind a veil of sarcasm, or closed himself off from her. Denied that there was anything wrong at all, if she asked.
Now, she can ask. And he might even tell her.
“Went to finish our conversation. But you two looked busy, so I left you to it.” That’s said with just a little lift of an eyebrow, and his mouth turns down at the corners.
She’s not going to apologise for kissing Jack. “I missed him,” she says pointedly. “D’you know I thought he was dead?”
“Oh.” He frowns. “Never meant you to think that. Should’ve asked me.” He releases her hand and continues making tea.
Not as if she didn’t try. And he could’ve explained. Just as he could have gone back for Jack. Still, if he didn’t know that’s what she thought... “Any time I ask you about anything that happened back there, you won’t answer.”
She might not want to hurt him, but she’s not going to let him get away with stuff either.
He nods. “It’s not easy to explain, Rose. And I know you don’t like it, but I thought it’d be best if you didn’t know.”
She shakes her head. “Like I said, this time you’re going to tell me. Right?”
He holds her gaze for a moment, then nods again. “Later. All right?”
That makes sense. There’s enough going on right now as it is. “Okay. And don’t ever make decisions for me again, Doctor. ‘Bout this or some stupid emergency programme.”
He sighs a little. “Should’ve known you’d find a way of getting around that.” But then he smiles. “Told you you’re the best, didn’t I?”
“We were the best,” she counters. “The three of us.”
He winces and looks away.
She swallows, anger and hurt coursing through her. “I hate this, Doctor! Really hate it. You two - you used to trust each other. You used to care about each other! Now you think he’s a traitor an’ he... He wants me to leave here with him because he thinks you might turn on me too.”
“You don’t think that, do you?” He sounds alarmed. Looks worried.
She catches at his hand again. “Course not!” But he’s not going to ignore her point. “Doctor, I know you’re angry because he’s with Torchwood. But you know him! Why can’t you give him a chance to explain?”
His lips thin. “There’s nothing he can say that’ll change anything, Rose. They were retreating. You know that. He fired on an army that’d surrendered.”
“Because Harriet Jones told him to!” she retorts. “Besides, did he even know they’d surrendered?”
He frowns, giving her an arrested look. “He said that?”
“No. He didn’t say anything ‘bout it. We didn’t talk about it.” She shrugs. “But what if he didn’t know?”
He sucks air in through his teeth, a mannerism that’s arrived with the new body. “Dunno. Have to see if he did or not.”
He pours the tea, adding milk and sugar for each of them, and leads the way to the table. As he sits, he looks at her and his expression grows sad. “So, you’re talking about leaving me.”
“No!” she exclaims. “Well... I mean, not now. Not yet. Some day. It’s gonna happen, isn’t it? Like you’ve said, all your companions left.”
“Parting is inevitable,” he murmurs. “But you don’t wanna leave, do you?” And he actually sounds anxious.
“Course not,” she says quickly. “Told you, Doctor. But...” And she pulls a face. “Some day, yeah. I might want to. Or you might want me to. Or something might happen an’ I can’t stay.”
His expression is sober. “Yeah. That’s the way it usually happens. But...” His face brightens suddenly. “Not for ages yet, I hope.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“You know he’s wrong, don’t you?” His gaze on her is earnest again. She gives him a questioning glance. “I wouldn’t... turn on you, as he put it.” He almost sneers the words.
“Course I know you wouldn’t! I told you.” She sighs. “Told him that, too. God, Doctor, I just want to knock your heads together!”
He smiles at that, and covers his head with his hands in an exaggerated protective gesture. “But that’s not the only reason he wants you to leave, y’know,” he adds. “He wants you.”
And she can’t deny that, though she’s still surprised at it. That, even though it’s been eighteen months for him, Jack still cares about her - loves her - and wants her. They’ve been apart, in his timeline, far longer than they knew each other. Yet that kiss showed her that, for him, nothing’s changed about his feelings for her.
The saddest thing is that he still cares about the Doctor, too - but the Doctor he knew. That’s so obvious from some of the things he said.
The three of them together - they were such a close-knit team. They loved each other. She knows that. Even the Doctor, with his continual asides and barbs about humans and their tiny little brains, loved the two of them.
That’s why this rift between the two of them is so painful.
But she understands, too. For the Doctor, this is a kind of betrayal. He was close to Jack. Trusted him. Depended on him for his life sometimes. Jack was important to him. And the position Jack holds now is one the Doctor sees as fundamentally wrong. Jack occupying that job, and being involved in firing that weapon, feels like a very personal betrayal. Because it goes against what he stands for, and Jack should have known that.
She saw how he reacted in the instant he saw the Sycorax ship blow up, after all, and realised what Harriet Jones had done. He’d seen that as a betrayal, too, and, she suspects, also took it personally. Because he’d liked Harriet. Respected her. Believed that she liked and respected him. And then she did that, going against everything he believed in. He’d expected better from her.
Just as he expected better from Jack.
She grimaces. “You won’t think I’m betraying you, too, if I want to go back to Jack when I leave you?”
He sighs, meeting her gaze with a sad but resigned expression. “No. Jack’s essentially a good man. I know that - that’s why I’m so angry with him. He has it in him to be so much better than this. He has been so much better. That’s what pains me most about what he’s become. I don’t know if we can resolve this thing, but even if we can’t I know you care about him an’ I respect that. And, to be honest, if you have to leave me I’d rather take you to Jack than Mickey. I know I’ve not always been fair to Mickey in the past, but you wouldn’t be happy with him. I think you could be with Jack.”
That’s generous of him, considering the way he feels about Jack now. It gives her hope that not all is lost. If she can only get them talking properly, without trying to score points off each other or attack each other’s point of view...
“Thanks, Doctor.” And she smiles at him.
He meets her gaze and smiles back. “ ‘S long as you know that’s not gonna be for a very long time.”
And that makes her smile more.
*******
He’s always loved her smile. Loves it more now that he can smile back at her more often. He always wanted to return her smile more before, but too many things got in the way. Gallifrey, always Gallifrey; but also the desperate need not to fall. Not to feel.
Not to let himself be vulnerable, because she would leave. They all leave.
Now, he’s still vulnerable, but he’s willing to be.
Her smile is as bright and shining as the most brilliant star. And he can’t help himself.
He leans over and captures it with his lips.
Her instant reaction is shock; he can feel it in the way she tenses under his kiss. But then she moves. Her lips press against his as she returns the kiss. There’s the faintest of sighs against his mouth, and her lips part.
She moves closer. Her arms wind themselves around his neck. He catches her about her waist, drawing her nearer still. And all the time he’s kissing her, tasting her, learning her.
It’s different from their previous kiss. He is different, and it’s surprising just what a change that makes. But it’s good. Still good. Still fantastic.
So much for never kissing her again. But he can’t regret this.
Finally, he draws back, just a little. But doesn’t let her go. One hand moves from her waist to touch her face with his fingertips. Another thing that feels different with this new body - the sensation of Rose’s skin under his. But good different. Not better than before. Just different.
“Doctor.” Her voice sounds almost dazed. Has he done that to her?
“Rose.” He allows his amusement to show, but there’s fondness there too. And sheer joy in the smile he gives her.
“Never thought you’d do that.”
He never had either. But he’s just a more impulsive sort of man now, he thinks.
Besides, if Jack can kiss her, so can he.
She surprises him by leaning up to kiss him again. And he slides his hand around and into her hair, tugging her closer so that he can deepen the kiss more easily.
Now, he has one answer, and one question.
He wondered if she thought he was sexy; he knows the answer to that now.
But he has no idea why he decided he was never going to do this again.
“Blimey,” he murmurs as they draw apart this time. “So that’s what I was missing all this time.”
Her eyes widen. “All what time? You don’t mean all your life, do you?”
He laughs. “Now, come on, Rose. You do remember me telling you that I’ve danced, don’t you?” And he winks at her. “Nah. I mean with you.”
And that actually makes her blush. “Always wished you would, y’know. Before.”
“Me, too. No, really,” he adds as she starts shaking her head, suggesting she doesn’t believe him. “I always wanted to. It just... didn’t seem right. You know?”
“S’pose so,” she agrees. “I mean, I always knew you never would. Even though I hoped.” She runs her hand down his arm. “So, what’s changed? Why now?”
He smiles again. Actually, he just can’t seem to stop smiling. “Maybe I’m just not scared any more.”
“Scared? Of what?”
“Oh, you know.” And he shrugs faintly. “This crazy little thing called love. Oh, wait.” He hesitates, frowning. “That’s a song, isn’t it? But you know what I mean.” He stares into the middle distance for a moment. “Time Lords. Humans. My people forbade this, you know, Rose. Though I suppose you don’t know. They’re gone now, so I suppose that doesn’t matter any more. But still, lifespans and all that... an’ you were just talking about your plans for leaving me.”
He’s not making a lot of sense, but the way she nods tells him that she seems to understand.
She catches his face between her hands, making him focus on her. “That why you did it? So that I won’t leave?”
“That’d be unfair of me, wouldn’t it? But did it work?” He smiles, relieved, as she breaks out into a grin, laughing at his audacity. “But, no, it wasn’t anything like that. Pure impulse. I’ve noticed that, have you? I seem to be much more impulsive now. That’s not a bad thing, is it?”
“No, ‘s not.”
“Good.” And he wraps his arms around her, holding her close.
“You’re not going to distract me, you know, Doctor,” she says, though she’s distracting him effectively enough as her hands explore his back, his neck, his hair.
“Distract you?” he mumbles.
“Jack.” She pulls back and meets his gaze, her expression steady but determined. “You gotta sort this. I don’t want him leaving with you two still at each other’s throats. I won’t let you do that. Not with the way things used to be. Doctor, the last time we saw him he went off to die to help us!”
He sighs. No point telling her that she doesn’t understand; he knows Rose well enough to know how she’ll react to that. “It’s not that straightforward. Yes, I haven’t forgotten that. But a lot’s changed since then. It may only have been a few weeks for us, but it’s been a lot longer than that for him. He’s a different man.”
“Yeah, an’ he says you are too. And he doesn’t just mean the regeneration. You’re not letting him see what you’re really like, Doctor. Especially with that thing with the doors. I still can’t believe you did that. That was jus’ cruel.”
He winces. She’s right, actually. Angry as he was - is - and disappointed as he is in Jack, it wasn’t a nice thing to do. Is this new him really such a bastard? It’s not a comfortable feeling. Avoiding her penetrating gaze - she knows him too well, even though this is a new him - he mutters, “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”
“Should be tellin’ him that,” she retorts. “Anyway, the other thing is: how do you know he’s not lettin’ you see the real him, either?”
Disguises. Facades. She’s right; he’s only shown Jack one facet of himself. But then he’s had a good reason for it. And it isn’t as if he’s been trying to win the other man over. As if he even wants to. Does he?
“So, he runs Torchwood,” she continues. “An’ he had something to do with that weapon. Right?”
He nods. “They’d never have been able to use it without him.”
“But did he know what they’d use it for when he told them what it was? Doctor, you know Jack. He’s never been the type to shrug ‘is shoulders and jus’ let people die if he can avoid it. I dunno what he did this time, but maybe he had no choice? You thought of that?”
His fingers comb through her hair, but he’s not focusing on her. He’s staring abstractedly at the wall behind them. Rose is right: should he be judging the man who used to be one of his dearest friends on the basis of one act, an act he probably didn’t even have a choice in?
Of course, there’s also the matter of his job. Yet he’s been through Jack’s desk, the paperwork, much of the contents of his hard drive. From what he can see, Torchwood isn’t entirely the dial-an-alien-murder organisation he’s been suspecting. Much of the work appears to be painstaking searches for alien presence on Earth. A perfectly understandable activity, even he has to admit, even if he himself is sometimes an alien presence on Earth, one who would prefer to go undetected.
Of course, some of it involves advising on dealing with alien threats. Pre-empting them. Anticipating or repelling invasion. Using weapons of mass destruction against them. Is it part of their credo that all aliens are to be considered a threat until proven otherwise? That’s unclear. But, again, Jack should know better. He knows aliens. Knows that there are as many friendly varieties as dangerous. He should be getting that message across. Not focusing his talents on building weapons to wipe them out of the sky.
“Doctor? Promise me you’ll listen to him, okay? An’ be reasonable.”
His expression softens and he smiles at her again. It’s rare that he can refuse Rose anything. Even now, even though he doesn’t especially want to be reasonable with Jack. Odd, that. He’s not an unreasonable man normally, is he? So why is this different?
“Promise.”
*******
Okay. He’s had enough of this.
Being here, back in this room - it just brings back too many memories. It would’ve been easier if the room had been stripped bare, but with everything he owned still here...
The Doctor has no right to keep him here. No right, either, to decide that the discussion is over until he is ready to resume it.
One thing hasn’t changed about the Time Lord. He’s still as arrogant as ever, still as fixed in his belief that the entire universe has the right to his opinion and that their duty is to shut up and listen to it.
He never stood for that before. He won’t now, either.
The only reason the Doctor’s got away with it so far is that he was caught on the defensive. Wasn’t expecting this encounter at all. And, while normally he’s damn good at reacting to the unexpected, quick on his feet, able to hold his own in any situation, no matter how dangerous, there’s always been something about the Doctor that makes him less confident of his abilities. Makes him less sure of himself, of what he’s doing, what he’s saying.
Probably dates from their very first meeting, when the Doctor immediately accused him of causing the gas-mask plague. Kept accusing him of it, insisting that what he thought was a harmless piece of space junk was actually responsible for this virus that was spreading like wildfire all around them. And then finally made him feel like a total heel, an idiot, a stupid, thoughtless moron who didn’t know the first thing about alien technology, instead of a trained Time Agent who’d been living on his wits, his intelligence, his knowledge and abilities for years.
The way the Doctor had looked at him as he’d pointed out what had been inside the Chula ambulance had made him feel about two inches tall.
Yes, the Doctor has always been able to get him on the defensive. To make him conscious of his shortcomings. It’s no wonder that this new Doctor was able to intimidate him so easily.
Not again. He’s used to the new face now, the different style of know-it-all arrogance. And he’s not anybody’s assistant any more. He helped to rebuild the Earth without any help from the Time Lord. And he’s now the director of an important agency. He’s a very different man from the one the Doctor thinks he knows.
There’s no way that he’s going to cool his heels here any longer, waiting for the Doctor to decide that he’s ready to bestow on him a few more minutes of his precious time. And yet more of his conviction that he knows better than anyone else what’s good for the planet. For the universe.
He stalks to the door. The Doctor needs to hear a few home truths. Several of them, in fact. And, since no-one else is likely to be in a position to make him listen...
On the other hand, what does he care about making the Doctor listen? Since when has the Time Lord ever deigned to accept that anyone else’s opinion has validity?
Once, he would have cared what the Doctor thought. Would have wanted to make him see his point of view. Now, he just wants to get out of here.
And just asking got him nowhere. More forceful measures are obviously called for. He slides one hand into his pocket.
The decision made, he leaves the room and heads out to find the Doctor. Not in the console room. Well, he and Rose might still be talking. But where?
He turns on his heel and heads for the kitchen. Remembers many mornings, sometimes evenings, sometimes other times of day spent there drinking tea and just talking. They even made him come to like tea, the two of them.
They’re there. Sitting close together, holding hands, smiling at each other, clearly even closer than they ever were before. And, though his heart twists at the sight, part of him is relieved. The Doctor still does care about Rose. She is safe here with him. He doesn’t need to worry about her if she won’t leave the TARDIS. Which she won’t - he knows she won’t.
She loves him, but she loves the Doctor more. As he’s always known. Regeneration clearly hasn’t changed her feelings for him, either. As for the Doctor, from present appearances it seems regeneration has wiped away at least some of his reticence where Rose is concerned.
He’s taken aback at the stab of jealousy that attacks him at the sight. The two of them, the two people he’d once have said he loved most in the world. Together, entirely wrapped up in each other. And himself, out in the cold. Regarded as the enemy, at least by the Doctor.
And then they see him, and the Doctor’s expression changes. The smile disappears. His expression becomes wary and resigned.
Rose gets up, comes towards him. “Jack. Now, he’s promised - ”
Good. She’s out of the way. He doesn’t want her caught in the middle of this.
He interrupts her, drawing his hand out of his pocket to reveal the gun he almost pulled earlier. Aiming it at the Doctor, he says coldly, “Take me back. Now.”
*******
tbc
x-posted to
better_with_3