Rosebud (Mythklok Interstitial)
Title: Rosebud (Mythklok Interstitial)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Dethklok gets a lesson in cinema history
Warnings: AU, swearing, OCs
Notes: Notes after the jump
Edited to include DethScrabble Afterward.
This is one of the weird little pieces that pop into my brain in my Metalocalypse AU and that don’t fit into the already Russian novel-length chapters of the main story. The Mythklok thing has gotten quite complicated, but here is all you need to know for this little bit: Charles is a Fallen angel who used to go by the name of Sariel. Raziel is a snarky angel buddy from the Bad Old Days, and Ganesh is a Hindu elephant god who has also started hanging out with the Dethklok crew. In this AU, Charles and Raziel, who agree on practically nothing else, share a fondness for old movies. Except, evidently, for one particular old movie….
Also, in case y'all are too young to remember....
Rosebud
“Why are you forcing me watch this movie, again? It’s soooo boring!” Raziel pouted.
“This is a cinematic classic!” Ofdensen declared, waving the Netflix box at her.
“But the characters are always in a grumpy mood, and it’s confusing and the story is all backwards…”
“It has an innovative narrative structure!”
“…and he really let himself go in later life!” Ofdensen glared at her. “Plus, you know, those stupid wine commercials.”
“This is arguably the greatest film in history! You cannot call yourself a cineaste if you’ve never seen it all the way through.”
“I don’t call myself Cindy-whatever!” Raziel protested as Ofdensen slapped the DVD into the tray and clicked on an oddly dusty remote control.
“Hey, dood, I was watchin’ dat!” Pickles said irritably from the couch.
“You watch it later! This is important. I am trying to impart on Raziel some basic cinema history.”
“But dood! Dat was Cries an’ Whispers!”
“Oh, late period Bergman!” Raziel gushed.
“It’s one o’ Sven Nyqvist’s crownin’ achievements!”
“As well as a searing meditation on mortality!”
“You two! Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and experience this LANDMARK FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMA!”
Pickles and Raziel sat stock still on the couch. For a minute or two.
“Oh, gawd, is dis da one wit’ dat fat wine-selling dood?” Pickles grumbled.
“Seeeeee?” taunted Raziel.
“SHHHH!”
“News on the March?” Raziel grumbled. “Did humans really take any of this seriously?”
“Hey!” Pickles suddenly looked from the screen to his manager. “Wait! Dood! Did yoo name yerself after….”
“It’s a classic film!” Ofdensen protested.
“Oh my god, you took your human name from the fat wine guy?” Raziel asked.
“He wasn’t fat yet in this movie!” Ofdensen muttered.
“Heh. Dood. Yoo woulda bin better off namin’ yerself Sven Nyqvist.”
“Dudes! WHAT’S GOING ON?” Nathan Explosion rumbled.
“Charles named himself after da fat guy in dis movie!”
“Oh, that weird wine-selling dude? You know, he really let himself go, later in life.”
“It’s arguably the greatest film of the Twentieth Century!”
“Yeah, but, dude.” Nathan asked, “why didn’t you name yourself after a good character? Like, Han Solo?”
“Who would fucking believe I’m named Han Fucking Solo?”
“An’ you t’ink people believe yer name?”
“What ams happenings, dudes?” asked Skwisgaar, ambling in with Toki not far behind.
“Charles interrupted Cries an’ Whispers!”
“Oh. Dat ams goods late periods Bergmans,” Skwisgaar attested.
“I ams likes his earlier funny stuffs.”
“Ja, you woulds say dats, Tokis.”
“Hey, dudes,” Nathan said. “Charles took his name from the fat wine guy.”
“HE WASN’T FAT IN THIS MOVIE.”
“Dats fats wine dudes?” Skwisgaar sneered. “Why ams you not takes da goods character names? Like ams Gordons Gekkos?”
“Or Rogers Thornhills?” added Toki.
“Or Denys Finch Hatton!” added Raziel. “Oh, namaste Ganesha!”
“I’m sorry, I’m not interrupting anything am I?” the god asked.
“PLEASE interrupt us!” Ofdensen sighed.
“We ams pickings better movies names for Charles’,” Toki told him.
“I’ve always been partial to Rufus T. Firefly myself,” Ganesh commented.
“Would everyone PLEASE shut up and watch-” Ofdensen pleaded.
“What’sch happenin’, dudesch?” Murderface asked amiably.
“OK, OK,” said Ofdensen, head in hands. “Just, out with it.”
“Out with what?” asked Murderface.
“Dood! We’re findin’ Charles a better movie character name.”
Murderface grinned. “That’sch easchy! DURANGO!”
There was a silence.
“Oh, god,” said Nathan. “THAT’S AWESOME!”
“Dat ams da best ones yet!”
“Dat gets my vote, dood!”
“That sounds like … the worst douche bag in the history of civilization,” Ofdensen sighed.
“Aw, can’t we call you Durango?” Raziel protested.
“NO!”
“Please?”
“NO!”
“Seriously, why da fuck dat name?” Pickles asked.
Ofdensen sighed miserably and clicked the PAUSE button on the DVD remote control. “All right! ALL RIGHT! If you’ll let me watch the FUCKING FILM! I was sitting alone in a hotel room, watching an old movie. And….”
“You ams drunks, dude?” Skwisgaar laughed.
“No! Of course not!” He frowned. “It was the Eighties….”
“Dood!” laughed Pickles. “You were totally coked up.”
Ofdensen glared. And then shrugged. “OK. Maybe.”
“Ha! I knoo it. And how did yoo get da last name?”
“Well, there was a Scrabble board….”
“Whoo were yoo playin’ Scrabble wit’? I t’ought yoo said yoo wuz alone?”
“I was.”
“Yoo wuz playin’ Scrabble by yerself?”
“IT WAS THE EIGHTIES!”
“That’s understandable,” Raziel commented. “I’ve seen your music videos from that time period on your YouTube. The shoulder pads alone would have driven me to Scrabble abuse.”
“Yeh, I guess I mighta overdid da mascara in dose days,” Pickles allowed.
“So. Can we go back to the fucking film now?”
“I dunno, dude, it seems like rough going with that wine-drinking fat dude,” Nathan rumbled.
“Perhaps a bottle or two of wine would make this event more conducive?” Ganesh suggested.
“Oh, yeah, cool idea, Ganesh,” noted Nathan. “And ice cream.”
“Ands candies?” suggested Toki.
“And schingle malt Schotsch!” added Murderface.
“And coke?” said Pickles
“Does Jean-Pierre have any of those little cakes?” Raziel wondered.
“OK! OK! OK! Cake and ice cream and candy and booze and drugs! And then can I watch MY FUCKING MOVIE?”
“Can we call you Durango?” Murderface asked.
“NO!”
“Well, I guessch it will be OK if we get the other schtuff.”
Ofdensen grabbed his Dethphone and stalked out of the room, muttering to himself.
“So, doods, what da fuck us up wit’ dis movie?” Pickles whispered. “I could never figure it out.”
“Some rich dudes who ams always grumpies,” Skwisgaar sneered.
“And all his friends are douche bags,” Nathan grumbled.
“And nobody looks cute,” pouted Raziel.
“Roschebud isch the key!” Murderface insisted.
“Yeah?”
“He hit himschelf on the head while schledding. The remainder of the film conschischts of his halluschination.”
“Ah! Such complex hallucinations are consistent with injury to the right temporal lobe!” Ganesh mused.
“Whoa. So dat’s what it’s all about?”
“It’s about a lonely crazy guy who has lots of money and lives in an ugly castle and has a bunch of douche bag narcissistic friends?” Nathan asked.
“I ams finallys understands dis!” Skwisgaar grinned.
“Though, it ams nots as goods as his early funnies stuffs,” Toki averred.
“You understand what?” Ofdensen asked, wandering back into the room, Dethphone in hand.
“We figured out the movie! We figured it all out! Now we’re going to explain it to you!” Raziel told him.
“Uh. Can I pay you not to?”
Raziel pulled him down on the couch and Pickles kicked a foot pedal to restart the DVD. “So, there’s a crazy fat wine guy named Durango, and one day he’s walking through his ugly castle and gets hit in the temporal lobe with a Scrabble board….”
*****
This is a postscript I wrote just because nugatorytm (who gets credit for the roolz to DethScrabble) demanded it....
“Scrabble,” Ganesh read, squinting a bit drunkenly at the game box.
“Uh, you don’t have this game in India?”
“Perhaps.” Ganesh attempted to pour himself another glass of wine. He peered with interest at the wine bottle, which seemed to be no longer dispensing the same, as it was sadly empty. “I was not aware of it before.”
“Oh, that’s cool, I’ll just explain the rules. So. We both spell out words. And, whoever spells out the better word, the other guy has to remove an article of clothing.”
“The BETTER word?”
“Uh, one that gets more points, or, uh, whatever.”
“Or whatever?” asked Ganesh, tossing away the empty bottle. “Odd rules. But, it is an American game. All right.”
“So, here’s my word, BENZOXYCAMPHORS, for 1593 points.” Charles grinned.
“All right, and here is mine, for 5,643 points.”
“Wait, what is that word?”
“It is in Hindi.”
Charles picked up Ganesh's tiles and gawped at them. “Wait! How the fuck did you get tiles printed in Hindi letters?”
Ganesh grinned. “I am terribly sorry, I need your shirt.”
“All right, all right.”
“And you need to finish your drink.”
“What?”
“It’s right here in the rules!” The Hindu god handed over the pamphlet included with the game.
“WHY ARE THESE WRITTEN IN HINDI?”
Ganesh grinned again. “And also, I will need your pants.”
“Wait. What?”
“And I need you to lay back here, right along the triple word score.”
“Ganesh. Do you really wanna play Scrabble.”
“Oh, definitely. I feel I should play this game all night.”
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Dethklok gets a lesson in cinema history
Warnings: AU, swearing, OCs
Notes: Notes after the jump
Edited to include DethScrabble Afterward.
This is one of the weird little pieces that pop into my brain in my Metalocalypse AU and that don’t fit into the already Russian novel-length chapters of the main story. The Mythklok thing has gotten quite complicated, but here is all you need to know for this little bit: Charles is a Fallen angel who used to go by the name of Sariel. Raziel is a snarky angel buddy from the Bad Old Days, and Ganesh is a Hindu elephant god who has also started hanging out with the Dethklok crew. In this AU, Charles and Raziel, who agree on practically nothing else, share a fondness for old movies. Except, evidently, for one particular old movie….
Also, in case y'all are too young to remember....
Click to viewRosebud
“Why are you forcing me watch this movie, again? It’s soooo boring!” Raziel pouted.
“This is a cinematic classic!” Ofdensen declared, waving the Netflix box at her.
“But the characters are always in a grumpy mood, and it’s confusing and the story is all backwards…”
“It has an innovative narrative structure!”
“…and he really let himself go in later life!” Ofdensen glared at her. “Plus, you know, those stupid wine commercials.”
“This is arguably the greatest film in history! You cannot call yourself a cineaste if you’ve never seen it all the way through.”
“I don’t call myself Cindy-whatever!” Raziel protested as Ofdensen slapped the DVD into the tray and clicked on an oddly dusty remote control.
“Hey, dood, I was watchin’ dat!” Pickles said irritably from the couch.
“You watch it later! This is important. I am trying to impart on Raziel some basic cinema history.”
“But dood! Dat was Cries an’ Whispers!”
“Oh, late period Bergman!” Raziel gushed.
“It’s one o’ Sven Nyqvist’s crownin’ achievements!”
“As well as a searing meditation on mortality!”
“You two! Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and experience this LANDMARK FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMA!”
Pickles and Raziel sat stock still on the couch. For a minute or two.
“Oh, gawd, is dis da one wit’ dat fat wine-selling dood?” Pickles grumbled.
“Seeeeee?” taunted Raziel.
“SHHHH!”
“News on the March?” Raziel grumbled. “Did humans really take any of this seriously?”
“Hey!” Pickles suddenly looked from the screen to his manager. “Wait! Dood! Did yoo name yerself after….”
“It’s a classic film!” Ofdensen protested.
“Oh my god, you took your human name from the fat wine guy?” Raziel asked.
“He wasn’t fat yet in this movie!” Ofdensen muttered.
“Heh. Dood. Yoo woulda bin better off namin’ yerself Sven Nyqvist.”
“Dudes! WHAT’S GOING ON?” Nathan Explosion rumbled.
“Charles named himself after da fat guy in dis movie!”
“Oh, that weird wine-selling dude? You know, he really let himself go, later in life.”
“It’s arguably the greatest film of the Twentieth Century!”
“Yeah, but, dude.” Nathan asked, “why didn’t you name yourself after a good character? Like, Han Solo?”
“Who would fucking believe I’m named Han Fucking Solo?”
“An’ you t’ink people believe yer name?”
“What ams happenings, dudes?” asked Skwisgaar, ambling in with Toki not far behind.
“Charles interrupted Cries an’ Whispers!”
“Oh. Dat ams goods late periods Bergmans,” Skwisgaar attested.
“I ams likes his earlier funny stuffs.”
“Ja, you woulds say dats, Tokis.”
“Hey, dudes,” Nathan said. “Charles took his name from the fat wine guy.”
“HE WASN’T FAT IN THIS MOVIE.”
“Dats fats wine dudes?” Skwisgaar sneered. “Why ams you not takes da goods character names? Like ams Gordons Gekkos?”
“Or Rogers Thornhills?” added Toki.
“Or Denys Finch Hatton!” added Raziel. “Oh, namaste Ganesha!”
“I’m sorry, I’m not interrupting anything am I?” the god asked.
“PLEASE interrupt us!” Ofdensen sighed.
“We ams pickings better movies names for Charles’,” Toki told him.
“I’ve always been partial to Rufus T. Firefly myself,” Ganesh commented.
“Would everyone PLEASE shut up and watch-” Ofdensen pleaded.
“What’sch happenin’, dudesch?” Murderface asked amiably.
“OK, OK,” said Ofdensen, head in hands. “Just, out with it.”
“Out with what?” asked Murderface.
“Dood! We’re findin’ Charles a better movie character name.”
Murderface grinned. “That’sch easchy! DURANGO!”
There was a silence.
“Oh, god,” said Nathan. “THAT’S AWESOME!”
“Dat ams da best ones yet!”
“Dat gets my vote, dood!”
“That sounds like … the worst douche bag in the history of civilization,” Ofdensen sighed.
“Aw, can’t we call you Durango?” Raziel protested.
“NO!”
“Please?”
“NO!”
“Seriously, why da fuck dat name?” Pickles asked.
Ofdensen sighed miserably and clicked the PAUSE button on the DVD remote control. “All right! ALL RIGHT! If you’ll let me watch the FUCKING FILM! I was sitting alone in a hotel room, watching an old movie. And….”
“You ams drunks, dude?” Skwisgaar laughed.
“No! Of course not!” He frowned. “It was the Eighties….”
“Dood!” laughed Pickles. “You were totally coked up.”
Ofdensen glared. And then shrugged. “OK. Maybe.”
“Ha! I knoo it. And how did yoo get da last name?”
“Well, there was a Scrabble board….”
“Whoo were yoo playin’ Scrabble wit’? I t’ought yoo said yoo wuz alone?”
“I was.”
“Yoo wuz playin’ Scrabble by yerself?”
“IT WAS THE EIGHTIES!”
“That’s understandable,” Raziel commented. “I’ve seen your music videos from that time period on your YouTube. The shoulder pads alone would have driven me to Scrabble abuse.”
“Yeh, I guess I mighta overdid da mascara in dose days,” Pickles allowed.
“So. Can we go back to the fucking film now?”
“I dunno, dude, it seems like rough going with that wine-drinking fat dude,” Nathan rumbled.
“Perhaps a bottle or two of wine would make this event more conducive?” Ganesh suggested.
“Oh, yeah, cool idea, Ganesh,” noted Nathan. “And ice cream.”
“Ands candies?” suggested Toki.
“And schingle malt Schotsch!” added Murderface.
“And coke?” said Pickles
“Does Jean-Pierre have any of those little cakes?” Raziel wondered.
“OK! OK! OK! Cake and ice cream and candy and booze and drugs! And then can I watch MY FUCKING MOVIE?”
“Can we call you Durango?” Murderface asked.
“NO!”
“Well, I guessch it will be OK if we get the other schtuff.”
Ofdensen grabbed his Dethphone and stalked out of the room, muttering to himself.
“So, doods, what da fuck us up wit’ dis movie?” Pickles whispered. “I could never figure it out.”
“Some rich dudes who ams always grumpies,” Skwisgaar sneered.
“And all his friends are douche bags,” Nathan grumbled.
“And nobody looks cute,” pouted Raziel.
“Roschebud isch the key!” Murderface insisted.
“Yeah?”
“He hit himschelf on the head while schledding. The remainder of the film conschischts of his halluschination.”
“Ah! Such complex hallucinations are consistent with injury to the right temporal lobe!” Ganesh mused.
“Whoa. So dat’s what it’s all about?”
“It’s about a lonely crazy guy who has lots of money and lives in an ugly castle and has a bunch of douche bag narcissistic friends?” Nathan asked.
“I ams finallys understands dis!” Skwisgaar grinned.
“Though, it ams nots as goods as his early funnies stuffs,” Toki averred.
“You understand what?” Ofdensen asked, wandering back into the room, Dethphone in hand.
“We figured out the movie! We figured it all out! Now we’re going to explain it to you!” Raziel told him.
“Uh. Can I pay you not to?”
Raziel pulled him down on the couch and Pickles kicked a foot pedal to restart the DVD. “So, there’s a crazy fat wine guy named Durango, and one day he’s walking through his ugly castle and gets hit in the temporal lobe with a Scrabble board….”
*****
This is a postscript I wrote just because nugatorytm (who gets credit for the roolz to DethScrabble) demanded it....
“Scrabble,” Ganesh read, squinting a bit drunkenly at the game box.
“Uh, you don’t have this game in India?”
“Perhaps.” Ganesh attempted to pour himself another glass of wine. He peered with interest at the wine bottle, which seemed to be no longer dispensing the same, as it was sadly empty. “I was not aware of it before.”
“Oh, that’s cool, I’ll just explain the rules. So. We both spell out words. And, whoever spells out the better word, the other guy has to remove an article of clothing.”
“The BETTER word?”
“Uh, one that gets more points, or, uh, whatever.”
“Or whatever?” asked Ganesh, tossing away the empty bottle. “Odd rules. But, it is an American game. All right.”
“So, here’s my word, BENZOXYCAMPHORS, for 1593 points.” Charles grinned.
“All right, and here is mine, for 5,643 points.”
“Wait, what is that word?”
“It is in Hindi.”
Charles picked up Ganesh's tiles and gawped at them. “Wait! How the fuck did you get tiles printed in Hindi letters?”
Ganesh grinned. “I am terribly sorry, I need your shirt.”
“All right, all right.”
“And you need to finish your drink.”
“What?”
“It’s right here in the rules!” The Hindu god handed over the pamphlet included with the game.
“WHY ARE THESE WRITTEN IN HINDI?”
Ganesh grinned again. “And also, I will need your pants.”
“Wait. What?”
“And I need you to lay back here, right along the triple word score.”
“Ganesh. Do you really wanna play Scrabble.”
“Oh, definitely. I feel I should play this game all night.”