You Are Cordially Invited (Mythklok, Chapter 20) (Part 2 of 2)
Title: You Are Cordially Invited (Mythklok, Chapter 20)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The wedding.
Warnings: Slash, AU, OCs, swearing, smoking.
Notes: Notes are on Part 1. Also, as usual, most of the characters belong to Brendon et al., and Rigyn belongs to wikdsushi (as well as Charles & Toki).
You Are Cordially Invited
Part 2 of 2
Ganesh and Raziel were dancing to an oddly sedate waltz. Wotan and Ofdensen sat off to the side, watching them, and puffing on Cubans.
“What did you think of my little ceremony?”
“Well, I must say, I usually don’t care for this type of thing, but this was pretty interesting. Did, uh, you have a good time?”
“Smashing!”
“So, you gonna tell me what’s up with Raziel?”
“Do you mind?” the god asked in High Angelic. “I’d like to work on my accent a bit?”
“Uh. Sure.”
Wotan slid a chair over and propped up his feet. “Well, a lot of the credit for this goes to young Ganesh actually,” he said, motioning a cigar at the dancing god. “He thought to keep the remains of one of those snakes that bit Raziel, back in the cave going in Hell?” Ofdensen nodded. “He surmised that the venom was mild, as you recall, she received multiple bites? As it turned out, that breed is actually quite venomous. Only takes one bite to stop a man’s heart. And angel could probably take more than that, but….”
“She should have died?”
Wotan nodded. “And there were some other puzzling things. Taking you up from Hell like that - jumping through a mile of solid rock - my Raziel is strong, but not that strong. And, that new Form she discovered?”
“We thought she’d been poisoned by the snake bites.”
“And there have been some other things of course. I’ve studied your language for centuries. I have all of your books as well, or at least most of them. But I could never quite master the speech. I suspected there might be a bit of magic to it. Then, and this occurred quite suddenly, I could make out whole sentences. And speak. And the commonality is, this all occurred after our engagement, after I asked for Raziel's hand, and gave her the ring.”
Ofdensen nodded.
“You no doubt observed Lucifer’s false Seraphim the other day, correct? We don’t fully understand it - I’ve been talking with Lord Shiva quite a bit about this - but I think your kind, when you stay here long enough, can tap into earth magic. Somehow, Lady Raziel is particularly sensitive, and marrying me seems to have accelerated the process. And caused a bit of the reverse in me, it seems. I suspect Michael has figured out at least some of this. That's why he wanted to stop the ceremony. It wasn't the blasphemy. He's just frightened of us. All of us."
“So, Raziel is an earth goddess now?”
Ganesh had chatted with the DJ, and now he and Raziel were dancing to a much more frenetic number.
"No, she's an angel who also uses earth powers. Like that ridiculous sword from my cousin: both sets of magic combined. You can use them both as well, I take it? It might have been what Lucifer intended, in his own twisted way, back when he had his followers breed the Nephilim, the half angel monsters."
"That would explain why they kicked him out!"
“We must talk later, as I would truly value your insight. Perhaps when we're back from the Pleiades? But I must chasten you now, it is a great responsibility,” Wotan told him, “and one I don’t expect you to take lightly.”
“Uh, pardon me?”
“We are brothers. As of today. That gives you a connection to me as well, Sariel.”
“Wotan? Uh, you do remember the whole brother thing is part of Raziel’s elaborate fantasy life?”
Wotan reached over and fingered Ofdensen’s lapel. “Tell me, why are you dressed in this monkey suit?”
“Because I was in the ceremony….” He stopped, realizing.
“I’m not a lawyer like you or our Ganesh, but it would seem to me that signals some kind of acknowledgment. And you participated in a magical ceremony….”
“You tricked me.”
“Well, yes. I have been known to do that. I am a trickster god, which I think is something most people don’t tend to remember about me, for whatever reason. Kind of like your friend Lucifer. Only in a much more benign sense. At least, that’s what I believe. Unlike you angels, we aren’t just out for ourselves. We are of the earth. We have as our duty defending her.”
Ofdensen looked at his hands. He remembered pushing Michael back.
“Well, as I said, we need to give this time to sink into that hard head of yours, eh? We’ll talk later. You owe me an invitation to that misshapen dragon boat of yours.”
“Your evil queen commands you to DANCE!” It was Raziel, motioning towards Wotan.
“You expect me to dance? To that racket?”
“Aw, what fun is it being evil queen if I can’t make arbitrary demands?” She had her hands on her hips.
“I’m not exactly your subject, m’dear.”
“You are my subject number one!”
Wotan laughed. “Well, I’m sorry, but it looks like the burdens of the married man are many.” He suddenly gripped Ofdsensen’s knee, which startled the angel enough to look into his eye. “You’ll promise me one thing? If you go playing around with your powers, which I suspect is what you’re off to do, once you come to your senses, promise you’ll go out a mile or so in to the countryside? It tends to upset my laying hens. I expect you’ll be wanting our scrambled eggs tomorrow morn, correct?” And with that, woman swept off to the dance floor.
Ganesh had taken a seat beside Ofdensen. “Did you know anything about this?” Ofdensen asked him. He looked over, and to his surprise, the elephant god actually looked flustered.
“No. Nothing. Just my father, Wotan, and Raziel. They wouldn’t tell me, as they thought I would feel obligated to tell you. Which was probably true. I apologize. It has been a long time since my father excluded me from such an important matter.”
Ofdensen looked at his hands. “Wotan speaks fluent Angelic now.”
“What?”
“And…. And I can do stuff!” He pushed out a hand, and several drinking glasses on the opposite side of the table, well beyond his reach, toppled over.
“SARIEL!” Wotan was calling from the dance floor. “What did I just tell you?”
“Oh yeah. SORRY!” He looked over at Ganesh.
“Er. I believe that is fucked up. Dude,” said the Hindu god.
"I can do this," Ganesh averred, some time, and many drinks, later.
"Uh, OK," Ofdensen told him. The Hindu god was flat on his back.
King Wotan had decided to dance a reel. And, as it turned out, he was phenomenally good. Despite rather loud protests to the contrary, to the effect that the reel was not a proper dance but simply manic hopping about, Queen Raziel was persuaded to join him on the dance floor, and, to everyone's surprise except perhaps Ofdensen, she managed to match the king move for move, to no little applause. She then retired the dance floor to the men. Ganesh of course, despite his rather liberal attempts at draining wine bottles, insisted that, as the first son of the Lord of Dance, he could match the king, and thus had ended up flat on his back for, by Ofdensen's count, the third or fourth time.
"I CAN DO THIS!" Ganesh continued, as if increased emphasis would lead to greater agility.
“Ya know, not to contradict you,” Ofdensen said, offering him a hand up, “but, have you ever considered that pride of yours can get you into trouble?”
“WHAT PRIDE? I CAN DANCE JUST AS WELL AS THE KING!” Ganesh slurred, leaping up to the dance floor.
“What’s up?” asked Raziel.
“Ganesh is evidently trying to break his own leg.”
“No one dances the reel like Wotan. OUCH!” She cringed in sympathy at an especially spectacular fall. “You want me to distract him?”
“Please?” Ofdensen pleaded.
“Lord Ganesh!” Raziel shouted, offering the Hindu god assistance at achieving verticality.
“I CAN DO THIS!” Ganesh insisted, coming up and nearly falling into Raziel’s arms.
“We have an emergency. Lady Rigyn has taken the bouncy castle!”
“WHAT?”
“I said, Lady Rigyn has….”
“NO CHILDREN MUST ENTER OUR BOUNCY CASTLE!” Ganesh thundered.
“I warned Wotan not to invite that branch of the family,” Raziel cheerfully agreed.
“WE MUST AWAY!” Ganesh insisted, lurching somewhat in the direction of the bouncy castle. Raziel winked at Ofdensen and departed with Ganesh more or less in tow.
"Dood."
Ofdensen looked around. He nodded his head for Pickles to sit. The drummer regarded him for a moment. "You expectin' me to act like a douche?"
Ofdensen took a sip of his wine. "Yeah, actually."
"I'll try not to."
"OK."
"Tell me somethin', and no lawyer bullshit. I'll pretend yer drunk. Even though you ain't."
"All right."
"How much o' dis, yoo an' me, is because I ain't a god and shit? I mean, 'cause I'm gonna die?"
"Maybe a little. But probably, a lot."
"Dat's honest."
Ofdensen cast his eyes around the reception tables. "A lot of these beings, they see humans as pets. Or prizes. Or possessions. You're not, you know. You're not. And, I just never got the hang of you guys dying on me."
"It ain't personal."
"You'll put it off, as long as you can?"
"Yeh. I'll try to."
Ofdensen wrapped the bathrobe tighter around himself against the morning chill at Asgard. He sat down on Valhalla's back porch, yawning and clutching a large coffee mug to his chest. "Only one suitcase?" he asked.
Raziel grinned, holding her bag. "Two swimsuits! That's all you need for the Pleiades. Unless we decide to wear nothing at all!"
"Raziel, it's too goddam early for that information."
"Hurry up, my pet!" Wotan was calling.
"You guys be good. But not too good!" Raziel giggled, giving Ganesh, who had just strolled out to the porch looking pressed and ready in a fine suit, a kiss on both cheeks.
"Have a good time, Your Serene Highness," he laughed.
"Don't touch the hair!" Ofdensen grumbled, as she tousled his hair. "Aargh."
Ganesh smiled and waved as Raziel blew a kiss goodbye and departed.
"If you got drunk, why am I the one who's hung over?" Ofdensen ill-naturally asked Ganesh.
"I probably burned it off retaking the bouncy castle," Ganesh laughed. "Now I really need to depart as well." He gave Ofdensen a quick kiss and walked a few steps before disappearing.
Ofdensen found himself suddenly surrounded by a large number of curious, furry noses.
"Sorry guys," he told Geri, Freki and Bagheera. "Your mom is gone. You can't have my coffee. And I'm not even wearing a suit for you to shed on. So, too fucking bad." He heard a growl from behind him. But it wasn't another hulking pet, it was just Skwisgaar.
"Please tell me you're at least hung over?" he demanded of the guitarist.
Skwisgaar emitted a sound that was something like, "Warrrrughg."
"Cool," said Ofdensen. "And, uh." He glanced back again at the yawning guitarist. "I don't suppose you could possibly find a pair of pants?" Skwisgaar muttered again in something that sounded partway between Swedish, English and Martian, and ambled back in to the castle. When he reemerged, he featured not only pants, but a carafe of coffee.
He sat down next to a grateful Ofdensen, who was still being mobbed by curious beasts, and filled up his coffee mug.
"Not coffee for you, don't be so fucking pushy," Skwisgaar grumbled in Swedish, and the animals backed off. "You know," he told Ofdensen, "You only have to yell at them in Swedish?"
"Swedish mine bad is very," Ofdensen explained.
Skwisgaar roared with laughter. "You cannot talk, like Lady Raziel?"
"Talk. Cannot. Gypped I was."
Skwisgaar slurped at his own coffee. "So, we are related by marriage now?"
"What? Uh. No. No. I don't think that's the case."
"Because my dad ams married your sister?"
"She's not really my.... I don't think.... Just.... Promise not to call me uncle, OK?"
"I am of wonder because this I canst do now."
Ofdensen nearly choked on his coffee. "You speak High Angelic?"
"Know as thou doest I do not. Of phrases, I may ken."
"Holy shit."
Skwisgaar smiled. "So, now I ams yells at Dick Knubbler ins Angelskics?"
"Uh, no, actually, unless you can understand Common Angelic too."
"Wait! There ams more dan ones Angelskics?"
"Uh, yeah. I wouldn't feel bad. I don't really speak Common either."
"You don't speaks Angel?" Ofdensen shook his head. "You ams nots da very good angels, dudes."
"No. No, I'm not." He grabbed the carafe and poured in a bit more coffee. "So, did everybody else get home all right last night?"
"Nat'ans couldn't waits! He ams crazy to finished dis albums! He ams says he ams inspired."
"Well, OK, nothing wrong with that I suppose.” He tried to look casually into his coffee mug. “And, uh, Toki and the two girls...."
"Pfft! I ams tells hims, Toki, you gots two girls, but they ams dressed for da Renasconce Faires! I ams tells hims, it takes till next Junes to undressed dem and gets down to da business!"
Ofdensen couldn't stop himself from chuckling. "Personally, I hate bodices."
"Oh, ja, you knows it! When you gets a girls, you wants to see some tits, and nots ams fucksing with da dildos laces."
Ofdensen nodded. “Yeah. Tits.”
“Ja! TITS!” repeated Skwisgaar. And they glanced at each other and clinked coffee mugs. “But, Tokis ams not listens to me. Pffft.”
“Well, have you considered, maybe, he wants, uh, a relationship…?”
“I ams has da relationships!”
“Well. They’re sort of…. You know…. Short relationships.”
“No! It ams onlies ones!” Ofdensen couldn’t help frowning. Skwisgaar freshened his coffee and continued. “It ams relationships betweens me an’ da womans! ‘Cause, dere ams only one womans!”
“Uh. I think maybe a lot of women would disagree?”
“No! It ams da goddess! Ams da maidens, mothers an’ croneses. And dey ams all aspechts of dats!”
“OK,” said Ofdensen. Abso-fucking-lutely barking mad, he thought.
“An’ Pickles am actings like da completes dildoes,” Skwisgaar continued.
“Oh,” said Ofdensen, put off by the sudden lurch in the conversation. He searched his memory, and couldn’t recall ever having spoken so many complete sentences with Skwisgaar. And, in three languages! “Uh. That might be partly my fault.”
“No! Ams somethings else!”
“Something else?”
“Ja, since he ams comes back froms da Southwest. I t’ink maybes he ams upsets over dat boys Aarons?”
“That was…. No, he didn’t deal very well with that. Maybe. Huh.”
“No, you cannot have my fucking coffee, idiot!” Skwisgaar yelled at Bagheera, who backed off.
“Uh. The tiger understands Swedish too?”
“Ja, he ams bijangual!” Skwisgaar explained. “I ams understands dey ams kicks you off to da drumses in da wolf band! I ams tells you you needs to ams works on your guitars techknocks.”
“It’s not a demotion!” Ofdensen insisted irritably. “Besides I’m the only one in the band with an opposable fucking thumb.”
“Pfft,” opined Skwisgaar.
"Sarry baby, you gotta hear this new demo track, yeah! I've never heard anything so heavy, yeah! It's the most brutal thing ever!"
Ofdensen sat back in his office chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I didn't think Skwisgaar was back from house-sitting Valhalla yet. Don't they usually write together...?"
"Baby! That's what I'm telling you! Yeah! It's just Nathan singing! Yeah!"
Ofdensen usually didn't trouble himself over much with the recordings. Honestly, it usually took care of itself. And it was always good - Nathan Explosion, once he actually got started with the whole business, was simply not physically capable of issuing something of less than spectacular quality.
On the other hand, Dick seemed quite agitated, and the only thing worse than spending a good hour being called Sarry Baby was having to confront Samael babbling in prophetic Common Angelic. Ofdensen nodded therefore, and Knubbler started the tape machine. He sat back in his chair, off-handedly flicking a finger at the pack of cigarettes lying on the edge of the desk. The pack fell to the floor. He wondered how good a power could be if he couldn't figure out how to use it to grab a fucking cigarette.
Nathan's unmistakable voice rumbled out of Dick's tape deck. "Four of the Host. And One of the Words. Revelation." And then the lyrics were repeated in another language. A terrifying but musical language.
“Can’t tell what Nate baby is saying but it’s brutal, yeah?” Dick Knubbler asked. But Ofdensen wasn’t in the office any more.
Ofdensen wasn’t exactly certain how he had arrived in Nathan’s room. He assumed he had run, as his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. It was possible too that he just appeared there. Nathan was sprawled on top of his bed, jabbing unenthusiastically at a Gameboy. He looked up, disinterestedly. “Yeah?”
“Nathan, the new song?”
“What?” Nathan rumbled suspiciously.
Ofdensen forced his breathing to slow down. “You sometimes get your lyrics from old books, right?”
“Yeah?”
“The new lyrics…?”
“So? It’s fucking old. It’s out of copyright, or whatever lawyer shit. Don’t worry, I’m not FUCKING STUPID.”
“What book, Nathan?”
Nathan had bothered to sit up in bed. “Some book," he said.
“It’s OK. I’d just like to know, what book?”
“JUST A BOOK."
“Does it have a title?”
Nathan glowered. “Yeah. Maybe. I dunno.”
“You don’t know whether it has a title?”
“Some fucked up gay language.”
“You can’t read the title?”
Glower. “No.”
“But, you can read the book?”
“YES OF COURSE I CAN FUCKING READ THE BOOK.”
“OK. OK. All right. Can you please show me the book?”
Nathan spent another moment looking threatening, and then slid off the bed. He pulled up the covers, and reached underneath his mattress. He grabbed something, and extracted it.
Ofdensen leaned over to look, barely able to breathe. It was an old book. The oldest, in fact.
It was Raziel’s Book of Secrets and Mysteries.
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The wedding.
Warnings: Slash, AU, OCs, swearing, smoking.
Notes: Notes are on Part 1. Also, as usual, most of the characters belong to Brendon et al., and Rigyn belongs to wikdsushi (as well as Charles & Toki).
You Are Cordially Invited
Part 2 of 2
Ganesh and Raziel were dancing to an oddly sedate waltz. Wotan and Ofdensen sat off to the side, watching them, and puffing on Cubans.
“What did you think of my little ceremony?”
“Well, I must say, I usually don’t care for this type of thing, but this was pretty interesting. Did, uh, you have a good time?”
“Smashing!”
“So, you gonna tell me what’s up with Raziel?”
“Do you mind?” the god asked in High Angelic. “I’d like to work on my accent a bit?”
“Uh. Sure.”
Wotan slid a chair over and propped up his feet. “Well, a lot of the credit for this goes to young Ganesh actually,” he said, motioning a cigar at the dancing god. “He thought to keep the remains of one of those snakes that bit Raziel, back in the cave going in Hell?” Ofdensen nodded. “He surmised that the venom was mild, as you recall, she received multiple bites? As it turned out, that breed is actually quite venomous. Only takes one bite to stop a man’s heart. And angel could probably take more than that, but….”
“She should have died?”
Wotan nodded. “And there were some other puzzling things. Taking you up from Hell like that - jumping through a mile of solid rock - my Raziel is strong, but not that strong. And, that new Form she discovered?”
“We thought she’d been poisoned by the snake bites.”
“And there have been some other things of course. I’ve studied your language for centuries. I have all of your books as well, or at least most of them. But I could never quite master the speech. I suspected there might be a bit of magic to it. Then, and this occurred quite suddenly, I could make out whole sentences. And speak. And the commonality is, this all occurred after our engagement, after I asked for Raziel's hand, and gave her the ring.”
Ofdensen nodded.
“You no doubt observed Lucifer’s false Seraphim the other day, correct? We don’t fully understand it - I’ve been talking with Lord Shiva quite a bit about this - but I think your kind, when you stay here long enough, can tap into earth magic. Somehow, Lady Raziel is particularly sensitive, and marrying me seems to have accelerated the process. And caused a bit of the reverse in me, it seems. I suspect Michael has figured out at least some of this. That's why he wanted to stop the ceremony. It wasn't the blasphemy. He's just frightened of us. All of us."
“So, Raziel is an earth goddess now?”
Ganesh had chatted with the DJ, and now he and Raziel were dancing to a much more frenetic number.
"No, she's an angel who also uses earth powers. Like that ridiculous sword from my cousin: both sets of magic combined. You can use them both as well, I take it? It might have been what Lucifer intended, in his own twisted way, back when he had his followers breed the Nephilim, the half angel monsters."
"That would explain why they kicked him out!"
“We must talk later, as I would truly value your insight. Perhaps when we're back from the Pleiades? But I must chasten you now, it is a great responsibility,” Wotan told him, “and one I don’t expect you to take lightly.”
“Uh, pardon me?”
“We are brothers. As of today. That gives you a connection to me as well, Sariel.”
“Wotan? Uh, you do remember the whole brother thing is part of Raziel’s elaborate fantasy life?”
Wotan reached over and fingered Ofdensen’s lapel. “Tell me, why are you dressed in this monkey suit?”
“Because I was in the ceremony….” He stopped, realizing.
“I’m not a lawyer like you or our Ganesh, but it would seem to me that signals some kind of acknowledgment. And you participated in a magical ceremony….”
“You tricked me.”
“Well, yes. I have been known to do that. I am a trickster god, which I think is something most people don’t tend to remember about me, for whatever reason. Kind of like your friend Lucifer. Only in a much more benign sense. At least, that’s what I believe. Unlike you angels, we aren’t just out for ourselves. We are of the earth. We have as our duty defending her.”
Ofdensen looked at his hands. He remembered pushing Michael back.
“Well, as I said, we need to give this time to sink into that hard head of yours, eh? We’ll talk later. You owe me an invitation to that misshapen dragon boat of yours.”
“Your evil queen commands you to DANCE!” It was Raziel, motioning towards Wotan.
“You expect me to dance? To that racket?”
“Aw, what fun is it being evil queen if I can’t make arbitrary demands?” She had her hands on her hips.
“I’m not exactly your subject, m’dear.”
“You are my subject number one!”
Wotan laughed. “Well, I’m sorry, but it looks like the burdens of the married man are many.” He suddenly gripped Ofdsensen’s knee, which startled the angel enough to look into his eye. “You’ll promise me one thing? If you go playing around with your powers, which I suspect is what you’re off to do, once you come to your senses, promise you’ll go out a mile or so in to the countryside? It tends to upset my laying hens. I expect you’ll be wanting our scrambled eggs tomorrow morn, correct?” And with that, woman swept off to the dance floor.
Ganesh had taken a seat beside Ofdensen. “Did you know anything about this?” Ofdensen asked him. He looked over, and to his surprise, the elephant god actually looked flustered.
“No. Nothing. Just my father, Wotan, and Raziel. They wouldn’t tell me, as they thought I would feel obligated to tell you. Which was probably true. I apologize. It has been a long time since my father excluded me from such an important matter.”
Ofdensen looked at his hands. “Wotan speaks fluent Angelic now.”
“What?”
“And…. And I can do stuff!” He pushed out a hand, and several drinking glasses on the opposite side of the table, well beyond his reach, toppled over.
“SARIEL!” Wotan was calling from the dance floor. “What did I just tell you?”
“Oh yeah. SORRY!” He looked over at Ganesh.
“Er. I believe that is fucked up. Dude,” said the Hindu god.
"I can do this," Ganesh averred, some time, and many drinks, later.
"Uh, OK," Ofdensen told him. The Hindu god was flat on his back.
King Wotan had decided to dance a reel. And, as it turned out, he was phenomenally good. Despite rather loud protests to the contrary, to the effect that the reel was not a proper dance but simply manic hopping about, Queen Raziel was persuaded to join him on the dance floor, and, to everyone's surprise except perhaps Ofdensen, she managed to match the king move for move, to no little applause. She then retired the dance floor to the men. Ganesh of course, despite his rather liberal attempts at draining wine bottles, insisted that, as the first son of the Lord of Dance, he could match the king, and thus had ended up flat on his back for, by Ofdensen's count, the third or fourth time.
"I CAN DO THIS!" Ganesh continued, as if increased emphasis would lead to greater agility.
“Ya know, not to contradict you,” Ofdensen said, offering him a hand up, “but, have you ever considered that pride of yours can get you into trouble?”
“WHAT PRIDE? I CAN DANCE JUST AS WELL AS THE KING!” Ganesh slurred, leaping up to the dance floor.
“What’s up?” asked Raziel.
“Ganesh is evidently trying to break his own leg.”
“No one dances the reel like Wotan. OUCH!” She cringed in sympathy at an especially spectacular fall. “You want me to distract him?”
“Please?” Ofdensen pleaded.
“Lord Ganesh!” Raziel shouted, offering the Hindu god assistance at achieving verticality.
“I CAN DO THIS!” Ganesh insisted, coming up and nearly falling into Raziel’s arms.
“We have an emergency. Lady Rigyn has taken the bouncy castle!”
“WHAT?”
“I said, Lady Rigyn has….”
“NO CHILDREN MUST ENTER OUR BOUNCY CASTLE!” Ganesh thundered.
“I warned Wotan not to invite that branch of the family,” Raziel cheerfully agreed.
“WE MUST AWAY!” Ganesh insisted, lurching somewhat in the direction of the bouncy castle. Raziel winked at Ofdensen and departed with Ganesh more or less in tow.
"Dood."
Ofdensen looked around. He nodded his head for Pickles to sit. The drummer regarded him for a moment. "You expectin' me to act like a douche?"
Ofdensen took a sip of his wine. "Yeah, actually."
"I'll try not to."
"OK."
"Tell me somethin', and no lawyer bullshit. I'll pretend yer drunk. Even though you ain't."
"All right."
"How much o' dis, yoo an' me, is because I ain't a god and shit? I mean, 'cause I'm gonna die?"
"Maybe a little. But probably, a lot."
"Dat's honest."
Ofdensen cast his eyes around the reception tables. "A lot of these beings, they see humans as pets. Or prizes. Or possessions. You're not, you know. You're not. And, I just never got the hang of you guys dying on me."
"It ain't personal."
"You'll put it off, as long as you can?"
"Yeh. I'll try to."
Ofdensen wrapped the bathrobe tighter around himself against the morning chill at Asgard. He sat down on Valhalla's back porch, yawning and clutching a large coffee mug to his chest. "Only one suitcase?" he asked.
Raziel grinned, holding her bag. "Two swimsuits! That's all you need for the Pleiades. Unless we decide to wear nothing at all!"
"Raziel, it's too goddam early for that information."
"Hurry up, my pet!" Wotan was calling.
"You guys be good. But not too good!" Raziel giggled, giving Ganesh, who had just strolled out to the porch looking pressed and ready in a fine suit, a kiss on both cheeks.
"Have a good time, Your Serene Highness," he laughed.
"Don't touch the hair!" Ofdensen grumbled, as she tousled his hair. "Aargh."
Ganesh smiled and waved as Raziel blew a kiss goodbye and departed.
"If you got drunk, why am I the one who's hung over?" Ofdensen ill-naturally asked Ganesh.
"I probably burned it off retaking the bouncy castle," Ganesh laughed. "Now I really need to depart as well." He gave Ofdensen a quick kiss and walked a few steps before disappearing.
Ofdensen found himself suddenly surrounded by a large number of curious, furry noses.
"Sorry guys," he told Geri, Freki and Bagheera. "Your mom is gone. You can't have my coffee. And I'm not even wearing a suit for you to shed on. So, too fucking bad." He heard a growl from behind him. But it wasn't another hulking pet, it was just Skwisgaar.
"Please tell me you're at least hung over?" he demanded of the guitarist.
Skwisgaar emitted a sound that was something like, "Warrrrughg."
"Cool," said Ofdensen. "And, uh." He glanced back again at the yawning guitarist. "I don't suppose you could possibly find a pair of pants?" Skwisgaar muttered again in something that sounded partway between Swedish, English and Martian, and ambled back in to the castle. When he reemerged, he featured not only pants, but a carafe of coffee.
He sat down next to a grateful Ofdensen, who was still being mobbed by curious beasts, and filled up his coffee mug.
"Not coffee for you, don't be so fucking pushy," Skwisgaar grumbled in Swedish, and the animals backed off. "You know," he told Ofdensen, "You only have to yell at them in Swedish?"
"Swedish mine bad is very," Ofdensen explained.
Skwisgaar roared with laughter. "You cannot talk, like Lady Raziel?"
"Talk. Cannot. Gypped I was."
Skwisgaar slurped at his own coffee. "So, we are related by marriage now?"
"What? Uh. No. No. I don't think that's the case."
"Because my dad ams married your sister?"
"She's not really my.... I don't think.... Just.... Promise not to call me uncle, OK?"
"I am of wonder because this I canst do now."
Ofdensen nearly choked on his coffee. "You speak High Angelic?"
"Know as thou doest I do not. Of phrases, I may ken."
"Holy shit."
Skwisgaar smiled. "So, now I ams yells at Dick Knubbler ins Angelskics?"
"Uh, no, actually, unless you can understand Common Angelic too."
"Wait! There ams more dan ones Angelskics?"
"Uh, yeah. I wouldn't feel bad. I don't really speak Common either."
"You don't speaks Angel?" Ofdensen shook his head. "You ams nots da very good angels, dudes."
"No. No, I'm not." He grabbed the carafe and poured in a bit more coffee. "So, did everybody else get home all right last night?"
"Nat'ans couldn't waits! He ams crazy to finished dis albums! He ams says he ams inspired."
"Well, OK, nothing wrong with that I suppose.” He tried to look casually into his coffee mug. “And, uh, Toki and the two girls...."
"Pfft! I ams tells hims, Toki, you gots two girls, but they ams dressed for da Renasconce Faires! I ams tells hims, it takes till next Junes to undressed dem and gets down to da business!"
Ofdensen couldn't stop himself from chuckling. "Personally, I hate bodices."
"Oh, ja, you knows it! When you gets a girls, you wants to see some tits, and nots ams fucksing with da dildos laces."
Ofdensen nodded. “Yeah. Tits.”
“Ja! TITS!” repeated Skwisgaar. And they glanced at each other and clinked coffee mugs. “But, Tokis ams not listens to me. Pffft.”
“Well, have you considered, maybe, he wants, uh, a relationship…?”
“I ams has da relationships!”
“Well. They’re sort of…. You know…. Short relationships.”
“No! It ams onlies ones!” Ofdensen couldn’t help frowning. Skwisgaar freshened his coffee and continued. “It ams relationships betweens me an’ da womans! ‘Cause, dere ams only one womans!”
“Uh. I think maybe a lot of women would disagree?”
“No! It ams da goddess! Ams da maidens, mothers an’ croneses. And dey ams all aspechts of dats!”
“OK,” said Ofdensen. Abso-fucking-lutely barking mad, he thought.
“An’ Pickles am actings like da completes dildoes,” Skwisgaar continued.
“Oh,” said Ofdensen, put off by the sudden lurch in the conversation. He searched his memory, and couldn’t recall ever having spoken so many complete sentences with Skwisgaar. And, in three languages! “Uh. That might be partly my fault.”
“No! Ams somethings else!”
“Something else?”
“Ja, since he ams comes back froms da Southwest. I t’ink maybes he ams upsets over dat boys Aarons?”
“That was…. No, he didn’t deal very well with that. Maybe. Huh.”
“No, you cannot have my fucking coffee, idiot!” Skwisgaar yelled at Bagheera, who backed off.
“Uh. The tiger understands Swedish too?”
“Ja, he ams bijangual!” Skwisgaar explained. “I ams understands dey ams kicks you off to da drumses in da wolf band! I ams tells you you needs to ams works on your guitars techknocks.”
“It’s not a demotion!” Ofdensen insisted irritably. “Besides I’m the only one in the band with an opposable fucking thumb.”
“Pfft,” opined Skwisgaar.
"Sarry baby, you gotta hear this new demo track, yeah! I've never heard anything so heavy, yeah! It's the most brutal thing ever!"
Ofdensen sat back in his office chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I didn't think Skwisgaar was back from house-sitting Valhalla yet. Don't they usually write together...?"
"Baby! That's what I'm telling you! Yeah! It's just Nathan singing! Yeah!"
Ofdensen usually didn't trouble himself over much with the recordings. Honestly, it usually took care of itself. And it was always good - Nathan Explosion, once he actually got started with the whole business, was simply not physically capable of issuing something of less than spectacular quality.
On the other hand, Dick seemed quite agitated, and the only thing worse than spending a good hour being called Sarry Baby was having to confront Samael babbling in prophetic Common Angelic. Ofdensen nodded therefore, and Knubbler started the tape machine. He sat back in his chair, off-handedly flicking a finger at the pack of cigarettes lying on the edge of the desk. The pack fell to the floor. He wondered how good a power could be if he couldn't figure out how to use it to grab a fucking cigarette.
Nathan's unmistakable voice rumbled out of Dick's tape deck. "Four of the Host. And One of the Words. Revelation." And then the lyrics were repeated in another language. A terrifying but musical language.
“Can’t tell what Nate baby is saying but it’s brutal, yeah?” Dick Knubbler asked. But Ofdensen wasn’t in the office any more.
Ofdensen wasn’t exactly certain how he had arrived in Nathan’s room. He assumed he had run, as his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. It was possible too that he just appeared there. Nathan was sprawled on top of his bed, jabbing unenthusiastically at a Gameboy. He looked up, disinterestedly. “Yeah?”
“Nathan, the new song?”
“What?” Nathan rumbled suspiciously.
Ofdensen forced his breathing to slow down. “You sometimes get your lyrics from old books, right?”
“Yeah?”
“The new lyrics…?”
“So? It’s fucking old. It’s out of copyright, or whatever lawyer shit. Don’t worry, I’m not FUCKING STUPID.”
“What book, Nathan?”
Nathan had bothered to sit up in bed. “Some book," he said.
“It’s OK. I’d just like to know, what book?”
“JUST A BOOK."
“Does it have a title?”
Nathan glowered. “Yeah. Maybe. I dunno.”
“You don’t know whether it has a title?”
“Some fucked up gay language.”
“You can’t read the title?”
Glower. “No.”
“But, you can read the book?”
“YES OF COURSE I CAN FUCKING READ THE BOOK.”
“OK. OK. All right. Can you please show me the book?”
Nathan spent another moment looking threatening, and then slid off the bed. He pulled up the covers, and reached underneath his mattress. He grabbed something, and extracted it.
Ofdensen leaned over to look, barely able to breathe. It was an old book. The oldest, in fact.
It was Raziel’s Book of Secrets and Mysteries.