for eilonwy
Title: You’ll never know how much I love you
Fandom: Supernatural
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Mona Van Duyn.
Warnings: spoilers for season 5; future!fic AU
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 400
Point of view: third
Notes: for eilonwy’s birthday, to the prompt of Author's choice. But not slash, and with Sam
The world is on fire, everything that is good and right smoldering to ash.
Everything is in his grasp.
It shouldn’t be like this. Dean wouldn’t like it, would call him foolish and kid and say, We can fix this, Sammy. Sure we can.
But Dean’s not here anymore. He let Michael ride him to kill Lucifer and Sam watched as Michael burned Dean up from the inside until there was nothing left. No Dean anymore.
Dean’s gone. For good. Castiel actually cried when he told Sam.
Sam’s eyes are dry. Smoke blinds him, but he doesn’t have any tears left to cry. Not since Lucifer first approached him
Everything in his grasp. Castiel stands next to him, wings soot-stained and eyes weary. He would not like this, the fallen angel murmurs.
No, Sam agrees. He wouldn’t.
The angels killed Dean. Michael killed Dean. Dean decided to go on the offensive, to kill Lucifer before he set up shop in Sam, and he succeeded at that. Michael attacked Lucifer while he still wore whoever that poor bastard was, Plan B. and Michael’s glory scorched Dean into nothingness.
He’s not even in Heaven. He’s nowhere. He did what the angels wanted, what God wanted, and his reward is nonexistence.
Sam was born for Lucifer. To join with him, to become him, to house his glory and power. Sam was born for Lucifer but Lucifer died before ever touching him except in a dream.
Lucifer is dead.
Sam isn’t. Sam is still Azazel’s chosen, the boy born to be the LightBringer, and he is beyond fury, beyond despair-he is empty. Everything is in his grasp, clutched between his bloodstained fingers, and there is no one who can stop him.
Michael is dead. He killed himself when he killed Lucifer and Dean.
God is dead. No one can find him, and Sam would just destroy him if they did, anyway.
Sam, Castiel murmurs.
Sam is dead. He died with his brother. Now he’s just an empty vessel and he wants the world to join them in nothingness.
Sam, Castiel repeats. This does not honor his memory.
He’s not here, Sam says, and whether he means himself or Dean is anyone’s guess. The world is on fire and Dean’s not here to put it out. The world is on fire and Sam hopes he’ll burn himself away.
He takes a breath. It burns.