In No Way Funny 1/2
Zachariah’s a complete and total dick. Dean had decided this a long time ago and every time he ran into the douchebag he was reminded of just how much he hated angels.
“Dean,” the bald fucker smarmed. “And Sam too. We’re going to explore more of your family tree. You’ve seen what wonderful stock your loving, lying mother came from. Now let’s see what skeletons are in your late, unlamented father’s closet.”
Sam grabbed Dean’s arm, holding him in place as his brother started forward with a growl. They wouldn’t get anywhere if Zachariah incapacitated Dean before his little fucked up trip to whenever got started. Dean pulled his arm out of Sam’s grasp with a muttered “Get off me, bitch,” but didn’t rush Zachariah and get his stomach turned to hamburger, so it was a win in Sam’s book.
“Why are you doing this?” Sam demanded. “You know it’s not going to change anything. He’s not going to say yes.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Sam. We haven’t tried everything. There are many ways to break a man and I’m sure Dean’s already familiar with most of them. I’ve heard Alastair was very thorough.”
“You son of a bitch..,” now it was Sam that was moving forward and Dean who was grabbing on tight.
“Easy, Sam. You’re just giving him what he wants. Or part of what he wants.” Dean turned his attention to the angel. “Why don’t you just stop running your fat mouth and get on with it already.”
“So eager, Dean. I’d heard that about you. I guess we’ll see.“ The leer in the angel’s voice was clear and Dean flushed. “Okay then, since you’re so anxious to get started.” Zachariah reached out and tapped each of them on the forehead and all three were gone.
It was just like the last time, Dean thought, but instead of waking up on a brightly lit street in Lawrence, he was in a dark cell with his hands cuffed behind his back. Alone. Fuck. Where was Sam?
“Sam! Sammy! Zachariah! Where’s my brother, you fuck!” Dean pulled on his bound wrists, but the cuffs were solid. He looked quickly around the cell, but it was totally empty as were his pockets when he checked them, Zachariah hadn’t left him a damned thing to pick the lock with. He turned toward the door, opening his mouth to bellow again, and Zachariah was there, right in his face.
“So noisy, Dean. Now he knows you’re awake,” Zachariah smirked. “Of course he knew anyway because I told him. I just didn’t want to waste any more time getting this show on the road. He should be here in three, two, one…” As the angel’s last word died away a key turned in the lock and Dean looked to the door, careful to position himself so Zachariah wasn’t at his back. He could see Zachariah’s face from the corner of his eye and the gleeful look the angel was sporting had Dean’s stomach in knots. If Zachariah was this happy about something, Dean was sure he wasn’t going to like it at all.
The door opened and when Dean got a look at the man who walked through it, he felt like he’d been punched in the gut. It could have been his father. Could have been. But it wasn’t. This man was heavier. He had a mustache and an insane gleam in his eye that John Winchester at his most obsessed hadn’t even come close to matching. The resemblance was uncanny and Dean found himself unable to do anything but stare.
“Uncle Eddie.” Zachariah murmured in Dean’s ear.
“What?”
“Your father’s Uncle Eddie Blake. He does some, oh, I guess you’d call it covert work for the government. They call him the Comedian, though from what I’ve seen he’s in no way funny. I’ve told him you and your brother are Communist sympathizers who have stolen secrets from the U.S. government and sold them to the highest bidder. That we already have all the evidence we need against you but we need you to confess. To say yes, as it were, to being the scum of the earth in his eyes. But we know what you’ll be really saying yes to, don’t we Dean?”
“Oh, fuck this,” Dean muttered. “Look, Uncle Eddie, or whoever the hell you are, where is my brother?”
The man gave Dean an amused look and in two quick steps was in front of him. “Uncle Eddie? I’m nothing to you, boy and if you think different, you better get it out of your head right now.”
Dean shot a quick look at Zachariah. “Does he know what you are? Who we are”
“No and no.” Zachariah’s smile showed way too many teeth. “His reality is….somewhat different than what you and I see.”
“Well my reality is where the fuck is my brother, you prick.”
A fist crashed into Dean’s jaw, overbalancing him and sending him crashing to the ground. The Comedian wrapped a fist in Dean’s jacket and dragged him back to his feet. “Watch your mouth, boy. Do you know who that is you’re talking to?”
Dean looked at Blake with anger in his eyes. “I know exactly who it is I’m talking to. The question is do you know who he is.”
The Comedian just grinned. “He facilitates my work here and he never interferes. He provides me with everything I need and really, that’s all I need to know about him. Now, you want to see your brother?” He gestured toward the door, “After you.”
Dean eyed the door, then eyed the Comedian, trying to gauge the odds of a successful escape attempt. His eye then caught Zachariah, who raised his eyebrows as if to say go ahead, Dean. Try it. Dean sighed and walked into the hallway. Zachariah led him down a twisting corridor lined with doors before halting and opening one. Dean walked through it and stopped dead in his tracks for a millisecond before starting forward again, cursing Zachariah and Blake and every other being he could think of. He’d only taken two steps, and then he was on his knees, sliding across the floor. He picked up speed as he neared the wall and tried to raise his hands to avoid colliding face first with it, but just as he reached it he was spun around hard.
Dean took a deep breath and tried to rise to his feet but found he couldn’t. His ankles had thick cuffs locked around them that were attached to bolts on the floor, spreading his legs wide. His hands were also cuffed and hooked to rings on yet another pair of cuffs buckled around his thighs. The outfit was completed by a collar so tight around his neck he could barely breathe, with a leather leash hanging down his chest to pool between his knees. Dean shifted as much as he could and gasped as the leash brushed against his cock. His hard enough to pound nails cock. His naked cock. Matching his naked body. Fucking angels. He glared at Zachariah. “Really, Zachariah? Seriously? What the fuck?”
“Dean.” Sam’s voice brought Dean back and he twisted his head to look at his brother. Sam was in no better position than he was. He was also naked, hard, cuffed and collared, but spread out over a heavy table, ankles cuffed to the legs on one side, wrists cuffed to the legs on the other. “Are you okay?”
Dean growled and, after a brief and unsuccessful struggle, relaxed as much as possible. “I’m fine Sammy. Did these fuckers hurt you?”
The Comedian moved to Sam, pulling his head back and cutting off his reply. “Not yet. We were waiting for you. No point in using our leverage before you got here. But now that you’re here…. Zach says we need a yes from you. Want to just give it to us?” He moved behind Sam, slapping a hand down hard on Sam’s bare ass, making him gasp and jerk forward against his bindings. The Comedian locked eyes with Dean and ran his hands up Sam’s thighs to his balls and squeezed hard. Sam groaned but couldn’t move and his captor grinned and undid his belt, then his jeans. “You can see where this is going, Dean. Don’t you want to keep your brother from having to know what a cock rammed into his ass feels like?”
“Well….” Zachariah started and Dean jerked his head toward him in fury.
“Shut the fuck up, Zachariah. Don’t you fucking say a word.”
Zachariah waved his hand and Dean’s mouth was stretched wide around a ball gag. “As I was saying, Sammy here already knows what it’s like to have… “ Zachariah’s mouth tightened in distaste. “To have what you just described happen to him.”
The Comedian just stared at him for a moment, then grinned at Dean. “He’s a fag? Your brother’s a fag? Did you know about this?”
Dean just glared and Zachariah smiled at him and continued. “Of course Dean knew about it. Who do you think was sodomizing our Sammy, here?”
The Comedian froze, his gaze hard on Dean. “He was fucking his own brother?”
Zachariah smiled again. “Well…it’s only happened that way a couple of times. Usually Dean here was the one, how shall I put this, taking one for the Winchester Team?”
“Oh, this is too good. I get to rape your brother and your boyfriend at the same time! Just say yes and Sammy’s ass is safe from me. Come on. What’s more important? Not going to prison, or your brother’s virtue? ”
Zachariah’s hand twitched again and the gag was gone from Dean’s mouth. Dean just stared at Sam for a moment then whispered “I’m sorry, Sammy. I can’t.”
Sam’s lip twisted. “Dean. You didn’t say yes when he removed my lungs and I fucking died. He’s going to fuck me. Not the way I was planning on spending my evening, but I’ll live. You say yes and I will too, I swear.”
“Nos all around then. Got it.”
“Okay, then.” The Comedian grabbed Sam’s hips and pushed into him. “Truthfully, I was kind of hoping you’d say that.”
Sam’s breath came in harsh gasps as the Comedian shoved himself inside. Dean was keeping up a running commentary of threats and curses, but Sam was silent, eyes locked on Dean’s as he was slammed forward into the table. Dean’s words were violent, threatening, but his eyes were devastated as the angels took yet another thing from him and Sam.
The Comedian kept up a running commentary in counterpoint to Dean’s. He told Dean how tight Sam’s ass was, how good it felt to fuck it, how Dean didn’t know what he’d been missing. He didn’t miss the desperation in Dean’s eyes and it egged him on to fuck Sam harder. “Just say yes, Dean and all this can stop.”
“No.”
“Your choice, then. What happens to your brother is on your head.”
“No,” Sam grated, taking his eyes off Dean’s long enough to glare at Zachariah. “I know exactly who to blame for this and so does Dean.”
The Comedian shifted his angle and began slamming into Sam’s prostate and Sam began to groan with every punishing thrust. He kept one hand planted on Sam’s hip and the other removed his cigar from his mouth and began touching it down on Sam’s back. Sam gasped and tried to jerk away from the pain but he was tied too tightly to move an inch. The Comedian stilled and let out a long growl as he came, then draped himself along Sam’s back, grinning at Dean.
“Oh, man. That was amazing. Was it that good when you fucked him, Dean? Did you fuck him hard, ‘cause I think he really likes it that way. Or did you do the sweet and gentle thing? Boy I’m glad you didn’t say yes right away. In fact I hope it takes you a really long time to come around to our way of thinking. ‘Cause I think I’m going to love the two of you.”
“Isn’t family wonderful,” Zachariah murmured to Dean. “Bet you wish you could meet all the skeletons in the Winchester/Campbell closet.”
“Every family has it’s black sheep.” Dean replied evenly, refusing to be baited. “My mom’s parents were good people and this asshole can’t be representative of my dad’s side of the family. So both of you can go straight to hell and I hope you have as good a time there as I had.”
“Dean, Dean, Dean.” The angel shook his head sadly. “That’s not the attitude we need from you. Okay, Eddie, I think Dean’s ready for his turn, now.”
Part 2
“Dean,” the bald fucker smarmed. “And Sam too. We’re going to explore more of your family tree. You’ve seen what wonderful stock your loving, lying mother came from. Now let’s see what skeletons are in your late, unlamented father’s closet.”
Sam grabbed Dean’s arm, holding him in place as his brother started forward with a growl. They wouldn’t get anywhere if Zachariah incapacitated Dean before his little fucked up trip to whenever got started. Dean pulled his arm out of Sam’s grasp with a muttered “Get off me, bitch,” but didn’t rush Zachariah and get his stomach turned to hamburger, so it was a win in Sam’s book.
“Why are you doing this?” Sam demanded. “You know it’s not going to change anything. He’s not going to say yes.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Sam. We haven’t tried everything. There are many ways to break a man and I’m sure Dean’s already familiar with most of them. I’ve heard Alastair was very thorough.”
“You son of a bitch..,” now it was Sam that was moving forward and Dean who was grabbing on tight.
“Easy, Sam. You’re just giving him what he wants. Or part of what he wants.” Dean turned his attention to the angel. “Why don’t you just stop running your fat mouth and get on with it already.”
“So eager, Dean. I’d heard that about you. I guess we’ll see.“ The leer in the angel’s voice was clear and Dean flushed. “Okay then, since you’re so anxious to get started.” Zachariah reached out and tapped each of them on the forehead and all three were gone.
It was just like the last time, Dean thought, but instead of waking up on a brightly lit street in Lawrence, he was in a dark cell with his hands cuffed behind his back. Alone. Fuck. Where was Sam?
“Sam! Sammy! Zachariah! Where’s my brother, you fuck!” Dean pulled on his bound wrists, but the cuffs were solid. He looked quickly around the cell, but it was totally empty as were his pockets when he checked them, Zachariah hadn’t left him a damned thing to pick the lock with. He turned toward the door, opening his mouth to bellow again, and Zachariah was there, right in his face.
“So noisy, Dean. Now he knows you’re awake,” Zachariah smirked. “Of course he knew anyway because I told him. I just didn’t want to waste any more time getting this show on the road. He should be here in three, two, one…” As the angel’s last word died away a key turned in the lock and Dean looked to the door, careful to position himself so Zachariah wasn’t at his back. He could see Zachariah’s face from the corner of his eye and the gleeful look the angel was sporting had Dean’s stomach in knots. If Zachariah was this happy about something, Dean was sure he wasn’t going to like it at all.
The door opened and when Dean got a look at the man who walked through it, he felt like he’d been punched in the gut. It could have been his father. Could have been. But it wasn’t. This man was heavier. He had a mustache and an insane gleam in his eye that John Winchester at his most obsessed hadn’t even come close to matching. The resemblance was uncanny and Dean found himself unable to do anything but stare.
“Uncle Eddie.” Zachariah murmured in Dean’s ear.
“What?”
“Your father’s Uncle Eddie Blake. He does some, oh, I guess you’d call it covert work for the government. They call him the Comedian, though from what I’ve seen he’s in no way funny. I’ve told him you and your brother are Communist sympathizers who have stolen secrets from the U.S. government and sold them to the highest bidder. That we already have all the evidence we need against you but we need you to confess. To say yes, as it were, to being the scum of the earth in his eyes. But we know what you’ll be really saying yes to, don’t we Dean?”
“Oh, fuck this,” Dean muttered. “Look, Uncle Eddie, or whoever the hell you are, where is my brother?”
The man gave Dean an amused look and in two quick steps was in front of him. “Uncle Eddie? I’m nothing to you, boy and if you think different, you better get it out of your head right now.”
Dean shot a quick look at Zachariah. “Does he know what you are? Who we are”
“No and no.” Zachariah’s smile showed way too many teeth. “His reality is….somewhat different than what you and I see.”
“Well my reality is where the fuck is my brother, you prick.”
A fist crashed into Dean’s jaw, overbalancing him and sending him crashing to the ground. The Comedian wrapped a fist in Dean’s jacket and dragged him back to his feet. “Watch your mouth, boy. Do you know who that is you’re talking to?”
Dean looked at Blake with anger in his eyes. “I know exactly who it is I’m talking to. The question is do you know who he is.”
The Comedian just grinned. “He facilitates my work here and he never interferes. He provides me with everything I need and really, that’s all I need to know about him. Now, you want to see your brother?” He gestured toward the door, “After you.”
Dean eyed the door, then eyed the Comedian, trying to gauge the odds of a successful escape attempt. His eye then caught Zachariah, who raised his eyebrows as if to say go ahead, Dean. Try it. Dean sighed and walked into the hallway. Zachariah led him down a twisting corridor lined with doors before halting and opening one. Dean walked through it and stopped dead in his tracks for a millisecond before starting forward again, cursing Zachariah and Blake and every other being he could think of. He’d only taken two steps, and then he was on his knees, sliding across the floor. He picked up speed as he neared the wall and tried to raise his hands to avoid colliding face first with it, but just as he reached it he was spun around hard.
Dean took a deep breath and tried to rise to his feet but found he couldn’t. His ankles had thick cuffs locked around them that were attached to bolts on the floor, spreading his legs wide. His hands were also cuffed and hooked to rings on yet another pair of cuffs buckled around his thighs. The outfit was completed by a collar so tight around his neck he could barely breathe, with a leather leash hanging down his chest to pool between his knees. Dean shifted as much as he could and gasped as the leash brushed against his cock. His hard enough to pound nails cock. His naked cock. Matching his naked body. Fucking angels. He glared at Zachariah. “Really, Zachariah? Seriously? What the fuck?”
“Dean.” Sam’s voice brought Dean back and he twisted his head to look at his brother. Sam was in no better position than he was. He was also naked, hard, cuffed and collared, but spread out over a heavy table, ankles cuffed to the legs on one side, wrists cuffed to the legs on the other. “Are you okay?”
Dean growled and, after a brief and unsuccessful struggle, relaxed as much as possible. “I’m fine Sammy. Did these fuckers hurt you?”
The Comedian moved to Sam, pulling his head back and cutting off his reply. “Not yet. We were waiting for you. No point in using our leverage before you got here. But now that you’re here…. Zach says we need a yes from you. Want to just give it to us?” He moved behind Sam, slapping a hand down hard on Sam’s bare ass, making him gasp and jerk forward against his bindings. The Comedian locked eyes with Dean and ran his hands up Sam’s thighs to his balls and squeezed hard. Sam groaned but couldn’t move and his captor grinned and undid his belt, then his jeans. “You can see where this is going, Dean. Don’t you want to keep your brother from having to know what a cock rammed into his ass feels like?”
“Well….” Zachariah started and Dean jerked his head toward him in fury.
“Shut the fuck up, Zachariah. Don’t you fucking say a word.”
Zachariah waved his hand and Dean’s mouth was stretched wide around a ball gag. “As I was saying, Sammy here already knows what it’s like to have… “ Zachariah’s mouth tightened in distaste. “To have what you just described happen to him.”
The Comedian just stared at him for a moment, then grinned at Dean. “He’s a fag? Your brother’s a fag? Did you know about this?”
Dean just glared and Zachariah smiled at him and continued. “Of course Dean knew about it. Who do you think was sodomizing our Sammy, here?”
The Comedian froze, his gaze hard on Dean. “He was fucking his own brother?”
Zachariah smiled again. “Well…it’s only happened that way a couple of times. Usually Dean here was the one, how shall I put this, taking one for the Winchester Team?”
“Oh, this is too good. I get to rape your brother and your boyfriend at the same time! Just say yes and Sammy’s ass is safe from me. Come on. What’s more important? Not going to prison, or your brother’s virtue? ”
Zachariah’s hand twitched again and the gag was gone from Dean’s mouth. Dean just stared at Sam for a moment then whispered “I’m sorry, Sammy. I can’t.”
Sam’s lip twisted. “Dean. You didn’t say yes when he removed my lungs and I fucking died. He’s going to fuck me. Not the way I was planning on spending my evening, but I’ll live. You say yes and I will too, I swear.”
“Nos all around then. Got it.”
“Okay, then.” The Comedian grabbed Sam’s hips and pushed into him. “Truthfully, I was kind of hoping you’d say that.”
Sam’s breath came in harsh gasps as the Comedian shoved himself inside. Dean was keeping up a running commentary of threats and curses, but Sam was silent, eyes locked on Dean’s as he was slammed forward into the table. Dean’s words were violent, threatening, but his eyes were devastated as the angels took yet another thing from him and Sam.
The Comedian kept up a running commentary in counterpoint to Dean’s. He told Dean how tight Sam’s ass was, how good it felt to fuck it, how Dean didn’t know what he’d been missing. He didn’t miss the desperation in Dean’s eyes and it egged him on to fuck Sam harder. “Just say yes, Dean and all this can stop.”
“No.”
“Your choice, then. What happens to your brother is on your head.”
“No,” Sam grated, taking his eyes off Dean’s long enough to glare at Zachariah. “I know exactly who to blame for this and so does Dean.”
The Comedian shifted his angle and began slamming into Sam’s prostate and Sam began to groan with every punishing thrust. He kept one hand planted on Sam’s hip and the other removed his cigar from his mouth and began touching it down on Sam’s back. Sam gasped and tried to jerk away from the pain but he was tied too tightly to move an inch. The Comedian stilled and let out a long growl as he came, then draped himself along Sam’s back, grinning at Dean.
“Oh, man. That was amazing. Was it that good when you fucked him, Dean? Did you fuck him hard, ‘cause I think he really likes it that way. Or did you do the sweet and gentle thing? Boy I’m glad you didn’t say yes right away. In fact I hope it takes you a really long time to come around to our way of thinking. ‘Cause I think I’m going to love the two of you.”
“Isn’t family wonderful,” Zachariah murmured to Dean. “Bet you wish you could meet all the skeletons in the Winchester/Campbell closet.”
“Every family has it’s black sheep.” Dean replied evenly, refusing to be baited. “My mom’s parents were good people and this asshole can’t be representative of my dad’s side of the family. So both of you can go straight to hell and I hope you have as good a time there as I had.”
“Dean, Dean, Dean.” The angel shook his head sadly. “That’s not the attitude we need from you. Okay, Eddie, I think Dean’s ready for his turn, now.”
Part 2