Darkfic, part 3
Again, I'm not friends-locking this. It's a hard-R rating for language and implied m/m relations. This one is from Snape's POV, and is the last of the trio. If someone would care to beta it, I may think of putting these over at skyehawke, though I'm afraid that Sirius's is the weakest of the three, and his is first ( Read more... )
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Anyway, this (of course) will not be as articulate, but let me try to recreat the squee I lost to the electron void.
As I was saying, I adored your descriptive imagery from the first paragraphs. phrases that sing, like his Leviathan-equal wake, becoming unintentional flotsam, the door to his private quarters ricocheting into the doorframe, useful until proven dead..
I think you did an exquisite job with your theme - not a common one I've read, at least. And this: “Everyone is addicted to something. I’m sure death will cure it, though.” , just really set it off to perfection.
And the way Lupin asks for the potion from the first part - the one that hooked Sirius - just closes the circle perfectly.
You did yourself proud! And excellent trio of fics.
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Aargh! I was nearly done with my feedback when the window did its blue-screen-of-death dance.
Yikes. That's about as awful as the evil red "x" for pictures. :P
I adored your descriptive imagery from the first paragraphs. phrases that sing
Oh, thank you very, very much. I'm not always sure when the imagery!muse will show up, but evidently she's been around a lot. I'm gratified that you enjoyed those images. The Leviathan one I'm especially fond of, as I really do see Snape as a self-contained force of nature.
not a common one I've read, at least.
I'm always trying to *not* write what's already been done. Quite a habit. Glad that it was a new concept for you!
You did yourself proud! And excellent trio of fics.Thank you again. These really did come out of nowhere, so I'm glad that they are hitting a nerve with people. I'm afraid now that I'm going to have to insert a bit into the George/Remus series which addresses when Snape was killed, and George will be there. It's frighteningly easy for me to get in ( ... )
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I liked "severus" the best, but that's prolly cos I have a penchant for villains..."treat'em mean," etc. partic liked the ending, it's guaranteed not to 'obliviate' from one's mind.
remember not to pack knitting-needles in your carry-on luggage... ;)
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Of course! These stories were short, lol.
I like Severus the best as well, probably because I found it easiest to get into his head. I should probably be very disturbed about that, but then again, I also found it easy to get into Grima's head, too. Ah, those misunderstood villans. Or maybe they aren't misunderstood, they really are bastards. Just complicated.
And I called American Airlines, and they said I could pack my knitting needles. Perhaps I need to doublecheck with British Airways, though, so I don't get to Gatwick with Julia's baby blanket only to find out I can't pack it from London to Edinburgh.
*adds to to-do list*
p.s. Am sending you a letter/package/CD today. If you haven't read the third in the George/Remus set, don't. I'm sending you a hard copy.
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I suspect this is because these characters are much more interesting. Heroism or villainy carries a whole lotta baggage on their own and heroes themselves are drawn rather simplistically as only "good". Smudging the black and white with lovely, nuanced greys is a good thing. There's always squirmy weird stuff going on in ppl's heads...or maybe that's just the ppl I know...? :P
they said I could pack my knitting needles
Wow, that's pretty liberal of them. My mother was almost pilloried at the x-ray scanning queue for having something _looked like_ a nail-file in her hand-bag. It wasn't actually a nail-file and they couldn't find anything resembling a nail-file but they wouldn't let her through anyway. And this was to get through to an airport departure lounge to say goodbye to someone - she wasn't even getting on a plane!
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In fact, this is a really great character vignette for Severus, even without the rest of the story attached (not to say I don't love the dark, edgy little tapestry you've woven, because I really do--it feels like those old Neo-Romantic music videos from the 80's of guys in long coats walking forlornly through foggy London streets with lots of eyeliner and doves flying about and stuff).
Severus walked over and, surprising himself, ran his fingers through Lupin’s greying hair, from temple to neck. “Everyone is addicted to something. I’m sure death will cure it, though.”
*dies* That is my favorite. Every word of that is hardcore poignancy. You're the wizard. :-D
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*bows in gratitude*
but I don't want to drown you with repetition.
Yeah, because you know I'd really hate that. [not] I don't know that I've ever had this much feedback at once, aside from "Essence of Black." It must resonate with a lot of folk- scary to think that by getting in Snape's head I'm writing something that sucks people in. ;)
this is a really great character vignette for Severus, even without the rest of the story attached
Many thanks for that. I do think it's the strongest one, but I think I'll post them all together at skyehawke so the effect of their intertwining needs/lives are all there.
Severus walked over and, surprising himself, ran his fingers through Lupin’s greying hair, from temple to neck. “Everyone is addicted to something. I’m sure death will cure it, though.”
*dies* That is my favorite. Every word of that is hardcore poignancy. You're the wizard.
*blush* I guess I thought everybody thought that way.
And I guess I'm your wizard, since you proposed! Oh, whoops, I forgot to ( ... )
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you do great angst, grrl. lovely descriptions liked
Two second years in his House suffered the misfortune of becoming unintentional flotsam, one eking out a question before the Potions Master cast back such an acerbic reply that even the foliage in a nearby portrait wilted.
and
The glass shattered, a combination of accidental wandless magic and Severus’s now uncontrolled fury and loss. He watched his blood drip on the floor, making an intricate pattern with the glass shards and small stain of liquor.
oh, and too many more - the bit about being useful until proven dead breaks my heart, and i laughed outloud at the bit about behavior of Potter/Lupin/Fudge/Voldemort/insert-hysterically-irritating-or-deadly-personage here
and....oh...i have to stop...
it is really wonderfully written, you should be so proud...
((((hugs))))
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Thank you so much, dear!! I'd love Snape to have happiness, too, but it just doesn't seem as though it would ring as true as sheer bitter determination. And now that I've had coffee with Amy again, I'm going to be writing more darkfic- this one with Snape and George (not together, but during the war). While I'm still in the darkfic mood. *grins evilly*
I'm so glad that the images worked for you! They were flowing fast and furious.
the bit about being useful until proven dead breaks my heart,
Me too. And I can just see the spittle flying as he says it, one degree beyond furious, you know?!
it is really wonderfully written, you should be so proud...I certainly am now, especially since the ideas just plunked into my lap over the weekend. But I do *so* appreciate your taking the time to read them and leave such extensive ( ... )
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