Lilith - Good Omens fanfiction
Lilith
She had been many things over the course of her not quite lifetime. Creation, equal, ruler, wife, ex-wife (and what a day that had been.) child thief, child killer, demon, vampire, succubus, wife again, victim, feminist icon. Some would add mother, but she never really felt like one. Not like her half sister was, most certainly not.
She had wanted to be a mother, but after the demons, and you really can't be a mother to imps and will-o-wisps, they stopped letting her conceive. She'd volunteered for the first Child, after all He owed her. No dice. 'Daddy' had decided the blood would be too close, not that that had ever bothered Him before. Then He added some bullshit about being Pure. She'd gone off to sulk for a while, managed to convince War that the job would be much more fun as a woman. Easier too, in those days women were only so much decoration, no one took any notice of them, not really.
***
She spent some time in Africa, loved Rome for a very short time, then got bored and played with the Picts. That was where she ran into the Serpent. She'd never met that one, she'd split with Adam a while before he got up there, must've been nearly day ten by then, though He hadn't worked out how long a day was until the Sixth anyway.
"Sso, you're the prodigal Daughter, they ssay you're a ssslut." said the Serpent.
"They're wrong." She said, one hand on her dagger.
The serpent, who was really in a human form despite the eyes, fangs and tongue, pulled away. "All right, all right, just what they ssaid. Never believed it, anyway." he said, the lie obvious in the tone of disappointment.
Lilith crossed her arms across her breasts, bare as they were the gesture was mostly unnecessary.
"Sso how are you still up here? And not, you know, Up There?"
She looked at him, surprised.
"You don't think I should be Below?" She asked, curious.
"What? No! I mean, the big guy owes it to you, doesn't He? You gave Adam custody of Earth, no questions asked, right?"
That she had. That had been the whole reason for the split. Adam had been all for it. She, well, she didn't think they were the right ones for the job. Said the angels would be better.
Kinda hit a nerve there, apparently Sammael had thought the same thing a while back. Led to a big fight.
"Yes, I did give him the Earth to rule, that's why I'm still here. Every time I show up Above, it's 'Oh, hi, you want a new body? I'll tell Him. You remember Eve, don't you? Please, stay for supper, it's lamb.' and it's always bloody lamb, what is that about?"
"The brothers, I think. The ssacrifice and all that." The serpent said, disinterested.
***
She met the gate guardian some centuries later, in France. They'd seen each other before, back when she left the Garden, and they got along rather well. Despite birthing demons and all that, Lilith had never eaten from the Tree, so she had a lot in common with the Angel. For one thing, they neither of them understood why lust was a sin and chastity a virtue, when lust kept the species alive and chastity would kill it.
"He was a right bastard up until he had a kid. Really softened Him up, Josh did." She reflected, safe in the privacy of her hat shop. She was going by the name Lilian Meredith these days, the angel, who was far less creative, she simply referred to by his proper name.
"Maybe when the Morningstar gets his, he'll soften and this whole war thing will end." Aziraphale said in the hopeful tones of the innocent "Maybe you'll be his mother, you have the reputation for it." He was being kind, he and Eve were the only ones who knew how much she wanted a child to mother.
Lilith smiled. "It'll never happen, I didn't eat from the Tree, remember. I'm too pure. And they said I wasn't pure enough for Josh. Where's the middle ground, Aziraphale? When do -I- get a chance?"
"I don't know, Lilith," the angel sighed, patting her hand reassuringly. "But when you do, let me know. You know how to find me, right?"
"Yeah, look for the campy demon who can't stay on a horse."
"Oh, don't mention that around him, would you? It always puts him in a mood."
"What, that he appears to enjoy Greek boy-love or that he'll never make equestrian?" Deviously.
"The latter, of course." A pause. "Does he really seem like...?"
"Oh yes," She replied, green eyes shining as a cloth bluebell slid into place. "I wouldn't be surprised if he did, back in the day."
Aziraphale made a face to show his disapproval, but said nothing. Lilith may not have known the facts, but the Angel most certainly did. "And... do I?" Ah-ha! So that was why he pressed it.
"Yes, somewhat. You give off a very feminine feel, if you weren't so attached to the masculine form, I'd say you should be a woman for a while." After all, it worked for War.
"How do you know Crowley, Lilith? You seem like such a nice girl, not the type to associate with the likes of him."
Now that was something that had never come up before. True, she'd only run into either of them, or War, or Famine, or Pestilence - or was it Pollution now? A couple of times over the centuries, Death, of course, being an entirely different story. But when she spoke with Crowley, she had always been less nice, more rude, blunt and to the point. She also picked up slang that wouldn't come into use for centuries. Around Aziraphale, Lilith was quiet, polite, philosophical. It was the same with the other angels and demons she'd found. They had a greater influence on her than on other humans. One more thing she blamed on never eating The Fruit.
"Oh, I've been on and off this Earth as long as you both have, you learn to appreciate anything remotely permanent."
Aziraphale smiled wistfully. "Yes, I suppose you do. Good day, Lilian, perhaps I'll see you again soon." The angel left the shop, no doubt to meet with the serpent.
***
"So Lil, hows it going? Pity they didn't pick you for the Anti-Christ. If I'da known how soon it'd be, I'da put in a word for you Below. Still, you're lucky, when this is over, whoever wins'll make you into a hero." The serpent was distracted.
"You don't want it to end, do you?" Lilith said softly, pouring a glass of sparkling water for herself. She'd taken to France, it was Home as far as she was concerned.
"No, I don't. It's like I said to Aziraphale the other day-"
"You two are so lucky." Interrupted Lilith.
"Wha?" The demon was puzzled. He'd stopped mid-gesture with his fork, and the bite of chicken he'd been waving around flew off and hit someone at the bar. He blamed it on the guy sitting next to him and Crowley grinning at the unintentional Bad Deed he'd just done.
"You have each other, so perfectly matched." Crowley wasn't sure about that, look at the angel's taste in clothes, for example. "Makes me jealous, I never had that, not even with Adam. You're even better than him and Eve, and she was made for him." Now Crowley was looking uncomfortable. He'd been reminded that, special as she was, Lil was still a human. "That goes beyond sex, or lust, or love, it's pure understanding is what it is." She saw Crowley go red when she said sex, and translucent at 'love'. Unconsciously she slipped into Hebrew, maybe to comfort him or just to make the conversation more private. "I wish I had someone that I knew and who knew me so well."
The strangled noise that emerged from the demon turned a few heads. "I don't know him!" He responded in the same language. "You hear what happened to a town for the mere suggestion of 'knowing' angels?"
Realising what Crowley had interpreted that as, Lilith burst into laughter. "It's not funny, it was a great town, and I've never been back since those two burned it down!"
"Crowley, sweetie, I meant know, understand, not 'to know', honestly, if you'd ever done that, well, you'd tell me, right?" She pouted.
"Who've you been hanging around with, Lil? I'd swear you were part succubi. bus. Whatever."
"Just you and the few others who stick around for more than a few decades. Do you remember that incident with the Englishman, the one who kept coming back as his son every twenty years or so? They tried to get him as a witch again, less than 50 years ago."
"I know," Grinning. "I was there." This hardly surprised Lilith. The conversation continued in that vein until they'd caught up on all the news between their last meeting, and Crowley had convinced her to try a blond next time, it had been a while since she'd changed things up. After promising to do so, Lilith gave the demon a friendly kiss on the cheek and paid the bill. For both of them, since Crowley never would. Anyway, she had the money, as editor for a well recognised newspaper.
***
"What the crap is going on?" She shouted over the roar of metaphysical powerhouses.
"Hell is going on, babe!" She didn't know the demon with one hand on her arse, but she did know a few choice words in Hebrew that made it recoil as if burned. The angels weren't much better, the sanctimonious pricks, but she finally got the gist. Last Battle, eh?
Except it wasn't, and soon the skies were empty again. Confused and relived, Lilith decided to hitch a ride to England, the dullness there would be good on her nerves. Maybe kill a few years before getting a new body and heading back to Paris.
***
"So are you two sleeping together yet?" She asked her dinner companions, six months after the End That Wasn't. One of the pair choked, the other spilled all three glasses of water without touching them, before pounding on his companion's back to restore airflow.
"Lilith, whatever prompted you to ask such an, an -absurd- question?" Said one.
"Lil! What did I tell you before about that subject?" Said the other.
Once again the first wife of Adam pouted. "But you'd be so perfect together! And it's not like you'd get in trouble or anything, I asked last time I was Up There, not naming any names or course," She was babbling, unable to see the shocked and mortified looks on the faces of the angel and demon. "Josh started laughing, said he'd never thought of it before, Adam fell out of his chair and Eve turned bright red, but the Magdalene was all for it, and He just smiled and nodded and then Metatron asked for the potatoes and Mother Theresa started a food fight. It was certainly one of the better dinners, probably because Gabriel wasn't there and... why are you looking at me like that, Crowley?"
"Who started a food fight?" Crowley obviously was so surprised at the idea of FUN in Heaven he'd forgotten the original subject.
"Well, really it was Michael's comment about women's obsession with buggery that started it, but she was the one who lobbed the roll at him."
Crowley looked dumbfounded. "A food fight. In Heaven. Started by Mother Theresa, the woman twoscore demons failed to tempt and if Aziraphale's telling the truth, didn't need a single angel to become someone the Catholic Church is almost willing to break it's own rules about sainthood for."
"Of course I'm telling the truth, she had one from one of the lower choirs looking after her and giving answers to her most desperate prayers, but we never had to even nudge her to do Good." Aziraphale seemed only slightly offended at the idea of him lying, he was obviously impressed enough by the woman himself to not take it personally. She was one of the better examples of humanity, probably the best in at least a hundred years, though some would argue for a certain pope over her. "So who else was at this dinner, did you get to chose or was it just whoever was around and interested?"
She named a few names, some got chuckles, others nods, and one evoked a response of "He's in HEAVEN??!" from both individuals. Crowley was so disappointed Lilith felt the need to cheer him up. "You guys got Disney, you know, no need to pout. Anyway, the conclusion was that not only was it not wrong, so long as it was for love both parties would be likely to get His blessing and protection. Oh and," Frowning now. "No one would be able to spy on you." It was thankful no one had bothered to refill the spilled water glasses, because over they tipped again.
"Spy on us?" Sputtered the angel.
"You damned perverts!" Shouted the demon.
Residents of nearby tables who had previously been unable to properly overhear anything being said by the trio near the window turned and stared, then hurriedly returned their attention to their meals at the sight of a livid demon and thoroughly offended angel. The woman dining with them simply continued to eat her salmon as if nothing strange was going on and waited for a more polite comment. None was forthcoming, so tactics had to change. After five minutes of silence she began again.
"Aziraphale, you've become even more poofy since I last saw you, if that's even possible, and you, Anthony J. Crowley, couldn't be more flaming if I took a match to you. Not to mention how utterly transparent you both are, the way you keep stealing food off each other's plates, managing to brush hands every time you reach for something, for Gods sake," Crowley winced. "You're like a pair of lovestruck teenagers and Lord knows we've all seen enough of them." She took a breath, noting the 'look' the pair were giving each other. "If, the next time I see either or both of you, you haven't been screwing like weasels in heat, I will Do Something About It."
With that, Lilith gathered up her bag, placed a few bills on the table to cover her share and left the stunned pair of man shaped beings to simply stare at each other for a time.
Someone near the door commented to her as she left,
THEY'LL NEED ANOTHER PUSH.
Lilith shook her head. "As long as it's for love. " She then wondered why she said it and who she was speaking to.
***
Ten years later, in Paris, a blonde going by the name of Lisbet Devino received a postcard that asked if she was still interested in being a mother, and assured her that love really was eternal.
She had been many things over the course of her not quite lifetime. Creation, equal, ruler, wife, ex-wife (and what a day that had been.) child thief, child killer, demon, vampire, succubus, wife again, victim, feminist icon. Some would add mother, but she never really felt like one. Not like her half sister was, most certainly not.
She had wanted to be a mother, but after the demons, and you really can't be a mother to imps and will-o-wisps, they stopped letting her conceive. She'd volunteered for the first Child, after all He owed her. No dice. 'Daddy' had decided the blood would be too close, not that that had ever bothered Him before. Then He added some bullshit about being Pure. She'd gone off to sulk for a while, managed to convince War that the job would be much more fun as a woman. Easier too, in those days women were only so much decoration, no one took any notice of them, not really.
***
She spent some time in Africa, loved Rome for a very short time, then got bored and played with the Picts. That was where she ran into the Serpent. She'd never met that one, she'd split with Adam a while before he got up there, must've been nearly day ten by then, though He hadn't worked out how long a day was until the Sixth anyway.
"Sso, you're the prodigal Daughter, they ssay you're a ssslut." said the Serpent.
"They're wrong." She said, one hand on her dagger.
The serpent, who was really in a human form despite the eyes, fangs and tongue, pulled away. "All right, all right, just what they ssaid. Never believed it, anyway." he said, the lie obvious in the tone of disappointment.
Lilith crossed her arms across her breasts, bare as they were the gesture was mostly unnecessary.
"Sso how are you still up here? And not, you know, Up There?"
She looked at him, surprised.
"You don't think I should be Below?" She asked, curious.
"What? No! I mean, the big guy owes it to you, doesn't He? You gave Adam custody of Earth, no questions asked, right?"
That she had. That had been the whole reason for the split. Adam had been all for it. She, well, she didn't think they were the right ones for the job. Said the angels would be better.
Kinda hit a nerve there, apparently Sammael had thought the same thing a while back. Led to a big fight.
"Yes, I did give him the Earth to rule, that's why I'm still here. Every time I show up Above, it's 'Oh, hi, you want a new body? I'll tell Him. You remember Eve, don't you? Please, stay for supper, it's lamb.' and it's always bloody lamb, what is that about?"
"The brothers, I think. The ssacrifice and all that." The serpent said, disinterested.
***
She met the gate guardian some centuries later, in France. They'd seen each other before, back when she left the Garden, and they got along rather well. Despite birthing demons and all that, Lilith had never eaten from the Tree, so she had a lot in common with the Angel. For one thing, they neither of them understood why lust was a sin and chastity a virtue, when lust kept the species alive and chastity would kill it.
"He was a right bastard up until he had a kid. Really softened Him up, Josh did." She reflected, safe in the privacy of her hat shop. She was going by the name Lilian Meredith these days, the angel, who was far less creative, she simply referred to by his proper name.
"Maybe when the Morningstar gets his, he'll soften and this whole war thing will end." Aziraphale said in the hopeful tones of the innocent "Maybe you'll be his mother, you have the reputation for it." He was being kind, he and Eve were the only ones who knew how much she wanted a child to mother.
Lilith smiled. "It'll never happen, I didn't eat from the Tree, remember. I'm too pure. And they said I wasn't pure enough for Josh. Where's the middle ground, Aziraphale? When do -I- get a chance?"
"I don't know, Lilith," the angel sighed, patting her hand reassuringly. "But when you do, let me know. You know how to find me, right?"
"Yeah, look for the campy demon who can't stay on a horse."
"Oh, don't mention that around him, would you? It always puts him in a mood."
"What, that he appears to enjoy Greek boy-love or that he'll never make equestrian?" Deviously.
"The latter, of course." A pause. "Does he really seem like...?"
"Oh yes," She replied, green eyes shining as a cloth bluebell slid into place. "I wouldn't be surprised if he did, back in the day."
Aziraphale made a face to show his disapproval, but said nothing. Lilith may not have known the facts, but the Angel most certainly did. "And... do I?" Ah-ha! So that was why he pressed it.
"Yes, somewhat. You give off a very feminine feel, if you weren't so attached to the masculine form, I'd say you should be a woman for a while." After all, it worked for War.
"How do you know Crowley, Lilith? You seem like such a nice girl, not the type to associate with the likes of him."
Now that was something that had never come up before. True, she'd only run into either of them, or War, or Famine, or Pestilence - or was it Pollution now? A couple of times over the centuries, Death, of course, being an entirely different story. But when she spoke with Crowley, she had always been less nice, more rude, blunt and to the point. She also picked up slang that wouldn't come into use for centuries. Around Aziraphale, Lilith was quiet, polite, philosophical. It was the same with the other angels and demons she'd found. They had a greater influence on her than on other humans. One more thing she blamed on never eating The Fruit.
"Oh, I've been on and off this Earth as long as you both have, you learn to appreciate anything remotely permanent."
Aziraphale smiled wistfully. "Yes, I suppose you do. Good day, Lilian, perhaps I'll see you again soon." The angel left the shop, no doubt to meet with the serpent.
***
"So Lil, hows it going? Pity they didn't pick you for the Anti-Christ. If I'da known how soon it'd be, I'da put in a word for you Below. Still, you're lucky, when this is over, whoever wins'll make you into a hero." The serpent was distracted.
"You don't want it to end, do you?" Lilith said softly, pouring a glass of sparkling water for herself. She'd taken to France, it was Home as far as she was concerned.
"No, I don't. It's like I said to Aziraphale the other day-"
"You two are so lucky." Interrupted Lilith.
"Wha?" The demon was puzzled. He'd stopped mid-gesture with his fork, and the bite of chicken he'd been waving around flew off and hit someone at the bar. He blamed it on the guy sitting next to him and Crowley grinning at the unintentional Bad Deed he'd just done.
"You have each other, so perfectly matched." Crowley wasn't sure about that, look at the angel's taste in clothes, for example. "Makes me jealous, I never had that, not even with Adam. You're even better than him and Eve, and she was made for him." Now Crowley was looking uncomfortable. He'd been reminded that, special as she was, Lil was still a human. "That goes beyond sex, or lust, or love, it's pure understanding is what it is." She saw Crowley go red when she said sex, and translucent at 'love'. Unconsciously she slipped into Hebrew, maybe to comfort him or just to make the conversation more private. "I wish I had someone that I knew and who knew me so well."
The strangled noise that emerged from the demon turned a few heads. "I don't know him!" He responded in the same language. "You hear what happened to a town for the mere suggestion of 'knowing' angels?"
Realising what Crowley had interpreted that as, Lilith burst into laughter. "It's not funny, it was a great town, and I've never been back since those two burned it down!"
"Crowley, sweetie, I meant know, understand, not 'to know', honestly, if you'd ever done that, well, you'd tell me, right?" She pouted.
"Who've you been hanging around with, Lil? I'd swear you were part succubi. bus. Whatever."
"Just you and the few others who stick around for more than a few decades. Do you remember that incident with the Englishman, the one who kept coming back as his son every twenty years or so? They tried to get him as a witch again, less than 50 years ago."
"I know," Grinning. "I was there." This hardly surprised Lilith. The conversation continued in that vein until they'd caught up on all the news between their last meeting, and Crowley had convinced her to try a blond next time, it had been a while since she'd changed things up. After promising to do so, Lilith gave the demon a friendly kiss on the cheek and paid the bill. For both of them, since Crowley never would. Anyway, she had the money, as editor for a well recognised newspaper.
***
"What the crap is going on?" She shouted over the roar of metaphysical powerhouses.
"Hell is going on, babe!" She didn't know the demon with one hand on her arse, but she did know a few choice words in Hebrew that made it recoil as if burned. The angels weren't much better, the sanctimonious pricks, but she finally got the gist. Last Battle, eh?
Except it wasn't, and soon the skies were empty again. Confused and relived, Lilith decided to hitch a ride to England, the dullness there would be good on her nerves. Maybe kill a few years before getting a new body and heading back to Paris.
***
"So are you two sleeping together yet?" She asked her dinner companions, six months after the End That Wasn't. One of the pair choked, the other spilled all three glasses of water without touching them, before pounding on his companion's back to restore airflow.
"Lilith, whatever prompted you to ask such an, an -absurd- question?" Said one.
"Lil! What did I tell you before about that subject?" Said the other.
Once again the first wife of Adam pouted. "But you'd be so perfect together! And it's not like you'd get in trouble or anything, I asked last time I was Up There, not naming any names or course," She was babbling, unable to see the shocked and mortified looks on the faces of the angel and demon. "Josh started laughing, said he'd never thought of it before, Adam fell out of his chair and Eve turned bright red, but the Magdalene was all for it, and He just smiled and nodded and then Metatron asked for the potatoes and Mother Theresa started a food fight. It was certainly one of the better dinners, probably because Gabriel wasn't there and... why are you looking at me like that, Crowley?"
"Who started a food fight?" Crowley obviously was so surprised at the idea of FUN in Heaven he'd forgotten the original subject.
"Well, really it was Michael's comment about women's obsession with buggery that started it, but she was the one who lobbed the roll at him."
Crowley looked dumbfounded. "A food fight. In Heaven. Started by Mother Theresa, the woman twoscore demons failed to tempt and if Aziraphale's telling the truth, didn't need a single angel to become someone the Catholic Church is almost willing to break it's own rules about sainthood for."
"Of course I'm telling the truth, she had one from one of the lower choirs looking after her and giving answers to her most desperate prayers, but we never had to even nudge her to do Good." Aziraphale seemed only slightly offended at the idea of him lying, he was obviously impressed enough by the woman himself to not take it personally. She was one of the better examples of humanity, probably the best in at least a hundred years, though some would argue for a certain pope over her. "So who else was at this dinner, did you get to chose or was it just whoever was around and interested?"
She named a few names, some got chuckles, others nods, and one evoked a response of "He's in HEAVEN??!" from both individuals. Crowley was so disappointed Lilith felt the need to cheer him up. "You guys got Disney, you know, no need to pout. Anyway, the conclusion was that not only was it not wrong, so long as it was for love both parties would be likely to get His blessing and protection. Oh and," Frowning now. "No one would be able to spy on you." It was thankful no one had bothered to refill the spilled water glasses, because over they tipped again.
"Spy on us?" Sputtered the angel.
"You damned perverts!" Shouted the demon.
Residents of nearby tables who had previously been unable to properly overhear anything being said by the trio near the window turned and stared, then hurriedly returned their attention to their meals at the sight of a livid demon and thoroughly offended angel. The woman dining with them simply continued to eat her salmon as if nothing strange was going on and waited for a more polite comment. None was forthcoming, so tactics had to change. After five minutes of silence she began again.
"Aziraphale, you've become even more poofy since I last saw you, if that's even possible, and you, Anthony J. Crowley, couldn't be more flaming if I took a match to you. Not to mention how utterly transparent you both are, the way you keep stealing food off each other's plates, managing to brush hands every time you reach for something, for Gods sake," Crowley winced. "You're like a pair of lovestruck teenagers and Lord knows we've all seen enough of them." She took a breath, noting the 'look' the pair were giving each other. "If, the next time I see either or both of you, you haven't been screwing like weasels in heat, I will Do Something About It."
With that, Lilith gathered up her bag, placed a few bills on the table to cover her share and left the stunned pair of man shaped beings to simply stare at each other for a time.
Someone near the door commented to her as she left,
THEY'LL NEED ANOTHER PUSH.
Lilith shook her head. "As long as it's for love. " She then wondered why she said it and who she was speaking to.
***
Ten years later, in Paris, a blonde going by the name of Lisbet Devino received a postcard that asked if she was still interested in being a mother, and assured her that love really was eternal.