And he bled dirty red wine, and I drank gin, as the miles grew thick between us
So, I have reached the level of "I guess she's not going to be fired by the end of the month" and "she looks like she could be morally corruptible" at my job where people occasionally try to bribe me for favors. Usually, this is just attempted with flattery, or wheedling. Today, however, I received my first physical bribe.
It was a ham.
…am I doing this right? Do bribes generally start at the "baked meat" level? Did I skip some kind of monetary level? Does the monetary level start out with "bag with dollar sign on it" and then progress to "unmarked briefcase", or is it the other way around? When do they start offering me hookers and blow?
In a way, it's comforting. I used to worry a lot about being stupid. (You tend to do this when your college roommate is the valedictorian, and goes on to attend an Ivy League grad school.) In fact, I still do! But now I feel better about it all, because after working for two and a half years, my undergraduate GPA and activities have mattered fuck-all in comparison to just having good timing and lucky connections. Somehow I've managed to land in a job I really like, with a boss I really like, with a good salary, and I am at the point where people are giving me hams to curry my favor. I must be doing something right.
I did the five question meme with dev_chieftain, where you leave a comment and get five questions to answer. My answers are below the cut; leave a random comment and receive five questions, to be posted and answered at your own discretion or not at all!
Dev asked me--
1. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
Money and time no object? Lord, that's a tough one. I used to think driving across the United States would be the last thing I'd ever want to do, but now-- if I had the money, the time, and a good friend to share it with, I think that would be fun. I'd try to go so that I'd wind up at a beach several times, and take some long trips through the deserts. I'd hit everything, really, and not go in a straight line.
Internationally, I would quite like to visit Australia. The part of me that loves Indiana Jones movies would also want to wander through China and Tibet, but I fear I would not do as well as Indy. I'd get sideswiped by the giant rolling boulder about ten minutes into the journey.
2. What's the scariest experience you've ever had?
Oddly enough, not the sky-diving. Nor the creepy stalker in college. Nor being mugged. (The mugged story is actually less getting "mugged" than "shaken down", and it's kind of funny. I was so placid and compliant about the whole thing-- I couldn't think of anything else to be-- that the guy felt bad, gave me my money back, and told me to go home a different way. Also, I was, like, ten, so probably his conscience kicked in.)
It's hard to pin a single time down, or to define an experience as "scary" as opposed to "horrible". Most of my memorable bad experiences are horrible ones as opposed to scary, and hard to describe. I'm going to just go with the blanket answer of "going to bed from the age of four to the age of ten." I used to have nightmares all the time, and it took me a while to grow out of them.
3. What do you wish you were doing right now?
Eating bacon.
But since that one is right out, thanks very much, Lent, I'd like to either be reading my new Pat Barker book with a mug of cider, or playing Guitar Hero 3.
4. How long does it take you to fall asleep?
Oh man, forever. The weird thing is I used to be able to drop off like a light. Now it takes me a while, at least forty minutes. I used to be able to drink caffeine-laden sodas and coffee right before bed, then fall asleep without a problem; now they keep me twitchy and on the edge for hours. Most of it is mental, I suppose. These days, I have a much harder time turning my brain off before sleep; I just keep thinking of stuff I have to do. I have to consciously set my brain into something more soothing; it's like putting on Sesame Street for a fussy toddler.
It also depends on whether I've recently exercised, eaten, written, read something, or masturbated.
5. Favorite mineral or chemical?
I like the way you can get potassium to explode, but mercury is both pretty and poisonous! Plus, it rolls around in globs and defies texture descriptions. I guess, strictly speaking, those are elements, though? Now I'm stymied. All I can think about is that stupid jingle we used to have in high school chemistry class.
Poor Johnny used to drink a lot
Alas, not anymore
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
Jade. Jade is my favorite mineral.
Feel free to get questions. So, Superbowl, eh? I cheered for the Giants because Eli Manning looks like a kicked puppy, and it has been scientifically proved that I have a weird weakness for awkward brunets.
It is sort of grey and wet and temperate out right now-- pretty much exactly Lenten weather. But the sun's coming out a bit, so maybe it won't be so bad after all. I have somehow found myself being roped into attending a Baptist retreat in California (this happens way more often than you'd think), so now I have to make plans for that. Sometimes I think it would have been interesting if we'd settled in San Francisco with my dad's side of the family, but then I remember that if we had, I'd have an even weirder religious upbringing of simultaneous Baptist-Catholicism.
My Lenten resolution this year is to maintain job integrity and to not be bribed by various meats, no matter how delicious.
It was a ham.
…am I doing this right? Do bribes generally start at the "baked meat" level? Did I skip some kind of monetary level? Does the monetary level start out with "bag with dollar sign on it" and then progress to "unmarked briefcase", or is it the other way around? When do they start offering me hookers and blow?
In a way, it's comforting. I used to worry a lot about being stupid. (You tend to do this when your college roommate is the valedictorian, and goes on to attend an Ivy League grad school.) In fact, I still do! But now I feel better about it all, because after working for two and a half years, my undergraduate GPA and activities have mattered fuck-all in comparison to just having good timing and lucky connections. Somehow I've managed to land in a job I really like, with a boss I really like, with a good salary, and I am at the point where people are giving me hams to curry my favor. I must be doing something right.
I did the five question meme with dev_chieftain, where you leave a comment and get five questions to answer. My answers are below the cut; leave a random comment and receive five questions, to be posted and answered at your own discretion or not at all!
Dev asked me--
1. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
Money and time no object? Lord, that's a tough one. I used to think driving across the United States would be the last thing I'd ever want to do, but now-- if I had the money, the time, and a good friend to share it with, I think that would be fun. I'd try to go so that I'd wind up at a beach several times, and take some long trips through the deserts. I'd hit everything, really, and not go in a straight line.
Internationally, I would quite like to visit Australia. The part of me that loves Indiana Jones movies would also want to wander through China and Tibet, but I fear I would not do as well as Indy. I'd get sideswiped by the giant rolling boulder about ten minutes into the journey.
2. What's the scariest experience you've ever had?
Oddly enough, not the sky-diving. Nor the creepy stalker in college. Nor being mugged. (The mugged story is actually less getting "mugged" than "shaken down", and it's kind of funny. I was so placid and compliant about the whole thing-- I couldn't think of anything else to be-- that the guy felt bad, gave me my money back, and told me to go home a different way. Also, I was, like, ten, so probably his conscience kicked in.)
It's hard to pin a single time down, or to define an experience as "scary" as opposed to "horrible". Most of my memorable bad experiences are horrible ones as opposed to scary, and hard to describe. I'm going to just go with the blanket answer of "going to bed from the age of four to the age of ten." I used to have nightmares all the time, and it took me a while to grow out of them.
3. What do you wish you were doing right now?
Eating bacon.
But since that one is right out, thanks very much, Lent, I'd like to either be reading my new Pat Barker book with a mug of cider, or playing Guitar Hero 3.
4. How long does it take you to fall asleep?
Oh man, forever. The weird thing is I used to be able to drop off like a light. Now it takes me a while, at least forty minutes. I used to be able to drink caffeine-laden sodas and coffee right before bed, then fall asleep without a problem; now they keep me twitchy and on the edge for hours. Most of it is mental, I suppose. These days, I have a much harder time turning my brain off before sleep; I just keep thinking of stuff I have to do. I have to consciously set my brain into something more soothing; it's like putting on Sesame Street for a fussy toddler.
It also depends on whether I've recently exercised, eaten, written, read something, or masturbated.
5. Favorite mineral or chemical?
I like the way you can get potassium to explode, but mercury is both pretty and poisonous! Plus, it rolls around in globs and defies texture descriptions. I guess, strictly speaking, those are elements, though? Now I'm stymied. All I can think about is that stupid jingle we used to have in high school chemistry class.
Poor Johnny used to drink a lot
Alas, not anymore
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
Jade. Jade is my favorite mineral.
Feel free to get questions. So, Superbowl, eh? I cheered for the Giants because Eli Manning looks like a kicked puppy, and it has been scientifically proved that I have a weird weakness for awkward brunets.
It is sort of grey and wet and temperate out right now-- pretty much exactly Lenten weather. But the sun's coming out a bit, so maybe it won't be so bad after all. I have somehow found myself being roped into attending a Baptist retreat in California (this happens way more often than you'd think), so now I have to make plans for that. Sometimes I think it would have been interesting if we'd settled in San Francisco with my dad's side of the family, but then I remember that if we had, I'd have an even weirder religious upbringing of simultaneous Baptist-Catholicism.
My Lenten resolution this year is to maintain job integrity and to not be bribed by various meats, no matter how delicious.