Your responsibility to strangers? (Weight loss)

[thistle_chaser]

Last week when I donated blood, I had a conversation with the tech drawing it. She told me how good my veins were, and I told her I thought that must be because I had lost weight, that they used to have to take it from the back of my hand because they could never find one at my elbow. She asked me how much I had lost, and I told her. As usual, she

Comments

[tersa]

I've been reading too much of a particular blog, but--you have zero responsibility to strangers to support their weight loss efforts by invalidating your own feelings about it.

[thistle_chaser]

Yeah, that's a good point. It's just the weight loss struggle is so hard, I hate making it harder for anyone. I'll just continue to try to keep the subject from coming up, since I generally don't want to talk about it much anyway. (Back in high school, I had some teacher who lost hundreds of pounds, and that became the only thing she ever talked about. It's not wrong to talk about it if you want to, but to me it's just not a subject I want to dwell on.)

[wow_hazmat]

In terms of talking to someone who's also on the weight loss quest, I think you do better by being honest. I think too many people think that if they lose weight everything is 100% magically better in every way. Or that weight loss surgery is an easy fix. 'Cause neither of those things are true.

[thistle_chaser]

Agreed, neither are true. And I think you're right, it's better that she knows ahead of time.

I'm glad I made this post, now I feel less like I have to put on a sunny face for everyone who asks.

[hamsterwoman]

I definitely don't think anyone has responsibility to lie about their own experiences to make people feel better -- definitely not strangers, and one could choose the path of a "little white lie" if one chooses, but I don't think one is ever obligated to do so.

The other thing is, I think genuine data is good? Like, if the tech is trying to lose weight, I'm sure she sees plenty of data about how losing weight has changed people's lives for the better -- there is no shortage of that narrative out there. And if some people's experiences, like yours, do differ from that, I don't think it's a bad thing to be aware of it.

I guess there are times when positivity is more useful than candid data, but I don't think life-long behavioral changes are one of those circumstances... Maybe that's just me, though, being a fundamentally lazy and change-averse person...

[thistle_chaser]

I think you're right. In the long run, it's probably better that she gets to see that it's not all sunshine and roses.

Thanks for the comment! I feel more comfortable talking to people about it now. And who knows, if they catch me on a good day, maybe I'll be able to honestly tell them how great and wonderful it is. Bad days will be more balanced between good and bad.

[manue7a]

Would it be possible to regain your weight?

I think if someone asks they must be aware of getting an answer, not necessarily what they would like to hear.

[thistle_chaser]

Unfortunately it's not just possible, it's common... People lose all their weight, a hundred pounds or a lot more, and they can quickly gain it all back if they're not very very careful.

And you're right, I suppose they shouldn't expect just the answer they want to hear.

[manue7a]

Damn.

[gmth]

I think it's important that people know that just losing weight doesn't make your life perfect. Maybe the disappointment you saw in her face was her coming to the hard realization maybe she shouldn't keep putting off that thing she's been wanting to do but waiting until she loses the weight. Which is a great outcome, IMO.

[thistle_chaser]

That's a really important thing. I guess on some level, I thought losing the weight would vastly improve my life, but instead it's just the same life somewhat easier in some ways (and harder in others).

Agreed, I hope she got that from it!

[resonant]

Losing weight was uncomfortable for me. I'd grown used to having built-in cushioning, and I never could sleep or sit comfortably until I gained it back.

[thistle_chaser]

It does have its benefits! I never sit comfortably anymore, my tailbone always hits the back of the chair and such. Plus I think it's why I'm endlessly cold.

Ah well! There are ups and downs to everything.

[thistle_chaser]

Yeeeep. Even when it's like 70-72 out, I wear two pairs of socks and slippers/shoes! And that's with a sweater. And my hands are usually always cold, too! Ugh.