Cuz I'm afraid to be alone

[thisisnotmylj]

I miss this journal. I miss writing and I miss people giving me feedback. I miss the feeling that people care what I have to say. Lately, I've been feeling like I might as well be mute. Because no one gives a fuck what I say anyway. If they are listening to me, it's only until the end of the commercial on their favorite tv show or until they feel

Comments

[spatulistic]

Out of curiosity, where do you work?

[thisisnotmylj]

I work for a fun little internet company called kasamba. You can check it out at www.kasamba.com. It's a fun place and everyone can join. I recommend it. I do customer support (tech stuff). It's super fantastic.

[thisisnotmylj]

It's okay because after years of dealing with misery and disappointments and all the rest of lifes usual bullshit, I'm used to it and therefore immune? Or maybe I'm just used to it. Life sucks and then you die. It doesn't get better. I need to just be grateful for what I do have and not be a whiney bitch just because I don't have anything I really want. Someone should just kill me already and get it over with. heh.

What's new with you?

[thisisnotmylj]

bullshit is everywhere, eh? If i had to define life, there would be the definition. Absolute and complete bullshit. That's all it is.

[aaronp]

Oh Malli... I miss you! You need to be on MSN more often, so maybe when I'm online I'll run into you :(

[thisisnotmylj]

oh aaron... I was thinking about you today and how I haven't talked to you in so long and how you were one of my favorite people and I said to myself "wow, i really have lost everyone i ever cared about in one way or another." And i was going to email you but then I realized I'm in a hurry to go to work and anyway, I checked my email and I saw that you replied to this post and I decided to take a second and respond back. Just so you know, I'm on msn alot. I've always got it on at work. So maybe you should be online more and then we can chat. I guess it's the time difference. This is one of my worst enemies as it prevents me from talking to anyone I like. That's life, huh. Okay, I really do have to go to work. Perhaps I will email you later. I wanna know what's been up with you in the months since we last talked. Take care. I'm out.

~m.e.

[_plaid_]

What happened to fun?
It's sitting in Plantation, Florida... waiting for someone "fun" to come back so Florida fun can take care of Israel fun and make sure she doesn't feel so sad and lonely.
And so Florida fun can make sure Israel fun doesn't feel that she needs to do heroine or codeine to not cry.
Florida fun set a date for the wedding by the way, the big ceremony.

April 26 2008, do you think your parents would let you come down and stay in Florida for a bit, maybe a couple weeks or something before the wedding, you could even stay with me in the apartment and if you felt like sticking around for a bit after the ceremony you could stay in the apartment with my kitty while we go on our honeymoon so we can hang out more when we get back

I wish we had started hanging out way before you moved to Israel.

[thisisnotmylj]

Aww... I miss you! And I wish we could hang out... maybe I will be able to come to the wedding. That sounds like a fun fantastic time! Long way away so we'll see what's happening. I'm hoping that in the summer I will be able to go to the U.S. because a friend of mine is getting married in N.C. Maybe I can come to Florida for a few days to visit and we can do fun stuff?

Israel is so boring and sad and lonely and I have no friends and all I do is work and never have fun ever. I'm so sick of it. I need friends and fun and all that.

So what's been happening with you, chickie? All is good and stuff? You should send me emails and tell me all about life in Florida since I miss it so.

Miss you lots. Kisses.

~m.e.

[_plaid_]

Well you should save up for like a year or so and then move back, it's not like you couldn't find a suitable place to work and I could help you find an apartment or hell maybe we'll be in a 2 bedroom at the time...and you can be happy...

[thisisnotmylj]

well, i'm working my ass off so I'm hoping that I can save up enough money to find my way to somewhere that makes me a little less miserable than I am now. Maybe someday.

[lil_msblasphemy]

:(