Fic: Being Dean Winchester
Fic Title: Being Dean Winchester
Author: thinlizzy2
Fandom/Genre: SPN/Romance
Pairing(s): Dean/Cas, background Sam/Sarah and Bobby/Crowley
Rating: R
Word Count: 9198
Warnings: Sexual situations, shmoop and snark (shmark?) with a side of angst.
Summary: Dean and Cas' romantic getaway doesn't go as planned.
A/N: This is the second and last of my spn_reversebang fics. Now I can relax and actually READ some of the stuff that's up there. The amazing art for this one was done by the talented exhaledtroop and thanks yet again to the lovely durtydeefla82, the queen of beta readers!
Dean beamed at the happy couple as he lifted his glass in a salute. “Congrats, Sammy; you’ve finally found a girl willing to put up with you. Sarah - what can I say? You might just be the bravest woman in the world.” The guests laughed and Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. “To Mr. and Mrs. Winchester!”
The room echoed the toast and the waiters emerged to serve the first course. Dean was about it tuck into his salad (although, really Sam? Health food at a wedding?) when the maid of honor addressed him.
“That was a funny speech. You and your brother must have teased each other a lot as kids.”
“It didn’t stop then,” Dean admitted. “But I love the guy. I’m happy for him.”
The blonde moved closer. “That’s sweet. How about you? Anyone special in your life?”
Oh. It was that kind of conversation. It was flattering and all, but this was the third time tonight, and Dean was getting a bit sick of it. Still, it was to be expected what with him coming stag to his own brother’s wedding. “Yeah, I’m with someone. Just not tonight. Work commitments and all that.”
The woman smiled sympathetically and Dean tried to remember her name. He’d been introduced to her at the rehearsal dinner; he knew that, but he’ been too distracted by his worry over Cas’ absence to remember. He searched his mind, but all he could remember was that it had been something weird.
She shifted, discreetly tugging down her neckline a couple of inches. “You can’t be very important to her, if she couldn’t make time for this.”
Dean felt a flare of irritation. “Oh, I know I’m very important to him. He’s just got a really important job; that’s all. He’s a soldier, pretty high up. He’d be here if he could.” There. That was about as many masculine pronouns as he could fit into four sentences. If that didn’t warn the girl off, nothing would.
“Oh, that’s so sweet! You’ve got a boyfriend! And he’s in the army; that’s so brave of him. A gay soldier.” She looked all starry-eyed. “How did you two meet? Was it really romantic?”
Fuck, the last thing he wanted was to spend the evening talking to Becky 2.0. Dean decided to end this fast. “I stabbed him through the chest with a six-inch blade. After that, we were pretty much inseparable.”
Result. The girl blinked and swung around, starting a conversation with the man on her left. Dean picked up his fork and tried not to feel bad. He knew what he said was true; he was important to Cas. Nothing short of a crisis in Heaven would have kept the angel away today; it was just their luck that crises in Heaven were becoming pretty damn common. Still, as he watched Sam and Sarah forking mouthfuls of salad into each other’s mouths, he couldn’t help but feel a bit alone.
***
Okay, he was happy for Sam and all, but conga lines were a step too far. Dean excused himself as politely as possible and headed for the garden, Sammy’s drunken shouts of “Conga, conga, con-ga” following him as he went. Dean laughed as he stepped into the cool spring air. He’d promised Sam he wouldn’t bust his balls in front of Sarah’s family, but once he got his brother alone, it was going to be open season on mockery for a while. Hell, Sam getting Sarah’s garter caught in his teeth was going to be good for months of teasing all on its own.
“Here.” Dean spun around to see Bobby emerging from the ballroom with two glasses of beer. “It’s imported, but it’s not too bad. Better than that froufy wine, at any rate. I swear, the kid passes the bar exam, and all of a sudden he’s talking about vintages and tannins and I don’t know what.”
“Thanks.” Dean accepted the drink. “You having a good time?”
“It’s a good party. Nice to see Sam settled. I’ve gotta be honest; I had my doubts I’d ever see the day.”
“Makes two of us,” Dean agreed.
“So now you’re the only one I’ve gotta worry about. Cuts my workload by 50%, I reckon. Maybe that’ll do the ulcer some good.”
Dean chuckled. “You don’t need to worry about me, Bobby. I’m fine.”
“You’re not possessed by a demon or trying not to turn into an angel condom; I’ll give you that. But fine, Dean-o? Really? Kid, you’re lonely; you’ve been lonely for years. That ain’t fine from where I’m sitting.”
Dean groaned inwardly. He loved Bobby like a father; he always had. And it had been unexpectedly great to have someone to “come out” with. But ever since Crowley had agreed to give up the whole crossroads thing in favor of a life with Bobby that didn’t involve nonstop bickering, the older man had decided that Dean and Cas needed to be just as codependent and it was driving Dean nuts. “I’m not lonely. How could I be lonely when you never go away?”
“I’m just saying. Missing Christmas and your birthdays the last two years running was bad enough. But your brother’s wedding? You need to have a talk with that angel of yours, remind him what’s important.”
“Cas is running Heaven. That’s pretty damn important.” No matter how pissed off Dean was, he had to defend his lover.
“Yeah, and they’ve got all their goodies back. I haven’t needed to stock up on holy oil for ages. What’s he still got going on up there that matters more than this?”
Dean didn’t know, and he sure as hell didn’t want to spend his brother’s wedding speculating about it. He drained his glass. “Thanks Ann Landers. I’ll take that into consideration. For now though, this stuff’s pretty decent and it’s an open bar. Shall we?”
***
The bride and groom were long gone and only the hard core drinkers were still taking advantage of the open bar when Castiel finally showed up. Dean had tucked himself into his hotel bed two hours earlier but found himself unable to sleep; the bed was too soft and free of lumps.
“I can not apologize enough.” Dean sat up and spun around to find his lover perched on the edge of the bed. “I tried to get away many times, but it proved impossible.”
“You’re here now.” Dean reached over and gave him a sleepy kiss. “It’s good to see you.”
The angel returned the kiss wholeheartedly. “And you. Was it a nice wedding?”
“Really nice. We’ll have to watch the DVD together, once it’s finished.” He lay back down, pulling Cas into his arms. “I wish you could have been there.”
Castiel rested his head on Dean’s chest. “As do I. Sadly, my absence was unavoidable.”
“Are you okay?” Dean looked him up and down in the dim light. Castiel didn’t look injured, but that didn’t necessarily mean much. “You didn’t get hurt in whatever went down up there.”
“Not hurt, merely annoyed. I have spent the last three days in an unceasing argument over the correct language to be used in a particularly thorny biblical passage.”
“What?” Dean jumped to his feet, dislodging the resting angel. “You missed Sam’s wedding for that? I thought something important was going on.”
“This was important,” Castiel replied, clearly puzzled. “It will have a lasting impact on the way in which God’s message is perceived by generations to come and effect the way people choose to worship and give tribute to my father. What could possibly be more important than that?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Dean was furious. “Maybe Sam, your friend Sam, actually finding love and choosing to spend the rest of his life with someone amazing. Or possibly taking one night out from Bible study for our sakes, when you knew how important this wedding was to us. Sam was short an usher, Cas; some poor bridesmaid had to go down the aisle all by herself. And I had to dance in a weird little trio with Bobby and Crowley, which was not only pathetic but also made the maid of honor cream herself.”
“What?”
“Never mind.” Dean rubbed his tired eyes. “You should have been there.”
“I know.” Castiel hung his head. “If it helps, I have diverted a tropical storm that was heading towards Mexico. Sam and Sarah should now have excellent weather for their honeymoon.”
“Well... thanks.” Dean shrugged. “But Cas, that’s not enough. You know that.”
“I also sent a punch bowl. It’s from Tiffany’s.”
Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “Look, I know what’s going on in Heaven is important. I get that. But what’s going on here? That’s important too. And I need to know that you realize that.”
Castiel’s brow furrowed. “Of course what happens on Earth is important to me. You are here, after all.”
Okay, Dean officially couldn’t be pissed off anymore. “You’re such a damn sweet-talker”. He reached for the angel, tugging his trench coat off his shoulders. “Come here.”
“I am here.”
“Come more here.” Dean pulled Cas on top of him, It felt good to have the angel back in his arms. That didn’t happen enough anymore. “This is nice.”
“It is.” Castiel nuzzled at Dean’s neck. “It’s a shame I can’t remain here, but there is urgent business that apparently requires my immediate attention.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Dean exploded. He rolled Castiel off him. “You just turn up for the fight and leave again?”
“It was not my intention to fight.”
“So I was going to get a whole seven minutes of your time then? How flattering, Cas. Were you planning to leave a twenty on the nightstand before you went?”
“Are you in need of money?”
Dean groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Nevermind. Just go. I’ll see you when I see you.”
“I do wish I could stay longer.” Castiel sounded genuinely regretful. “But I have recently been made aware of a grave injustice. I can not allow it to continue unaddressed.”
Dean made one final last-ditch attempt to salvage the night. “And there’s no way anyone else can handle this? There’s not one angel, cupid or magical wood-sprite in Heaven besides you that can take this one on?”
“I’m afraid I may be the only being in existence capable of correcting this,” Castiel replied. He lay one hand on top of Dean’s. “I truly am sorry about the wedding.”
And then he was gone.
Dean sighed, lying back down on the much too comfortable bed. “Well, thanks for dropping in, honey.” The hunter spoke to the empty room. “I’ll aim the angel signal at a passing cloud next time I need you.”
***
Dean woke up in about as shitty a mood as he would have expected. But there were very few things that couldn’t be solved with a heaping plate of bacon and eggs, a strong cup of coffee and a smiling angel, all of which greeted him as he stepped out of the shower.
“Wow, that has to have been the quickest Heavenly emergency yet! What’s all this?”
“Step one.” Cas looked rather smugly pleased with himself, Dean couldn’t help but notice. “Please eat.”
Dean never had to be asked twice to enjoy a hot meal. He took a bite and groaned aloud with pleasure. The scrambled eggs were rich and buttery; the bacon was crispy and salty; everything was just how he liked it. He wolfed down several more mouthfuls before pausing to ask, “Step one of what?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that right now. Have some more toast.”
Dean’s fork froze halfway to his mouth. Why did he always forget that surprises from Heaven weren’t necessarily a good thing? “Why can’t you tell me? What’s going on?”
Castiel frowned. “I am trying to be mysterious and romantic, and telling you the details of my plan would spoil the surprise. So please stop asking and eat your breakfast.”
Dean couldn’t help but be touched. He finished his meal and followed Cas outside. He was stunned to see his suitcase, which he had left inside the hotel room, sitting in the back seat of the Impala.
“It’s all packed. I even added a few things.” Cas was obviously pleased with himself. “And I made a few adjustments to the car. Don’t worry,” he held up a hand to stop Dean’s inevitable protest that anyone had tinkered with his baby. “It will be fine, easy to put back to normal once our holiday is complete. But until then, it has unlimited gasoline and will be free of any mechanical difficulties.”
“Holiday?” Dean knew he was gaping like a fish, but he didn’t care.
“I have left Gabriel in charge of Heaven for the immediate future.” Cas winced. “He may not be the most... stable personality, but I trust his loyalties. As for you and I, we will spend some much-needed time together.”
“But...” Dean didn’t understand. “Last night? Your crisis?”
“Last night, I realized how badly I have been treating you. When we agreed to continue our relationship despite my duties in Heaven, you reminded me that you are an independent individual, not in need of excess amounts of companionship. I may have taken too much comfort in that, used it to reassure myself that my prolonged absences were excusable. They are not.” He cupped Dean’s face in his hands. “Dean, I am fighting for a better world for you. And if you are not happy in it, my efforts are wasted.”
Dean kissed him deeply. He got angry at Cas sometimes, a lot of the time even, but the angel always managed to remind him exactly why he loved him so much. “So... road trip then?”
Castiel nodded. “Anywhere you want to go. Anything you want to see.”
“And if some trouble pops up in Heaven? If the decision-makers up there can’t agree on what color covers hymnals should have? What will you do then?”
“Dean, no one will bother me with that. It’s up to individual publishers. Also, it’s stupid.”
Dean laughed. “You know what I mean.”
“Gabriel has permission to contact me in the case of a genuine emergency. But I have forbidden him from doing so unless the matter is truly urgent. If that means hymnals are doomed to be leopard-print from now on, then so be it.”
Dean nodded. “Then there’s only one more issue.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s very important that you understand this.” He spoke sternly. “I get to drive.”
***
The gush of water was deafening; Dean needed to lean close to Cas just to be sure he would be heard. “It’s amazing, absolutely amazing.”
“It is, isn’t it? My father is a true artist.”
Dean might not have been the biggest fan of Castiel’s chronically deadbeat dad, but it was hard to argue in this case. Niagara Falls was truly spectacular. The water plummeted from the rocks in a foamy sheet; the mist created dozens of tiny rainbows as it hit the bottom. Droplets darkened Cas’ trenchcoat; Dean reached up to brush a few beads of water from his hair.
“Are you happy?” Cas’ mouth pressed against Dean’s ear and the hunter shivered as he licked the lobe. “Is this what you wanted?”
“It’s a damn good start,” Dean replied, tightening his grip around his lover’s waist. He wasn’t the sort to go for public embraces, but there was no one but the two of them around, and the waterfall wasn’t likely to object. So he could hold onto Cas, touch him whenever he wanted, kiss him for long lazy stretches of time and no one at all would see.
...That was actually kind of weird, really.
“Hey, Cas?”
“Yes?”
“You know how this is one of the biggest tourist attractions in the world? One of the seven wonders of the world, plus all the funfairs and bars and shit?”
“Yes...” There was a guilty look in Castiel’s eyes; Dean was definitely on to something.
“So... where is everybody?” They’d had a talk a couple of years ago after Cas, feeling a bit bad after his anniversary gift of frankensense hadn’t exactly been a hit, had turned back time to go shopping again. They had a rule now - no messing with the laws of the universe to get out of the boyfriend doghouse. So if Cas had zapped all the other tourists to some alternate dimension, Dean was obligated to be pissed off. Even if it was kind of sweet.
“I...”
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t want you to have to fight your way through crowds to see this. So I merely implanted a suggestion in the minds of the other potential visitors that they come tomorrow instead. Most of them are spending the day at the Niagara City Pie Eating Competition instead.”
“WHAT?” Dean’s mind was officially blown.
“I’m told it’s quite an enjoyable event. I can assure you, they are not suffering.”
“There’s a PIE EATING CONTEST and we’re here watching water? What the hell?” Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and hauled him back towards the car. “Water. Pie. And you choose water? I thought you knew me, man!”
Dean threw his head back against the pillows and groaned deeply as pleasure made his muscles limp. Cas gave his spent cock on final lick and emerged from under the blankets, his mouth slightly curling at the edges in what Dean had learned to recognize as his smile of satisfaction at a job well done.
“Thanks,” he panted, breath coming in short hard bursts.
“It was my pleasure,” the angel replied, and Dean still couldn’t help but laugh at Cas’ solicitous tone of voice.
“Hey, do you want me to-”
“If you like. I will only require a few moments to direct blood flow to my penis.”
Dean chuckled. The two of them worked out a while ago that while Cas was capable of orgasm and didn’t actually mind the sensation, it definitely wasn’t something he craved. At first, Dean was offended by that, but Cas assured him it had nothing to do with their emotional bond, and he’d learned not to take it personally. From time to time he liked Cas to come inside him or for Cas to have an orgasm while Dean was fucking him, and the angel obliged. It was less important now that he had found ways to satisfy his lover that were almost as enjoyable as getting him off.
“Would you like a massage, Cas? That’s what I was gonna say.”
“Oh. Yes, please.”
Castiel rolled over eagerly; Dean knew he adored this. He took his time, mapping out Cas’ back with his hands, pressing kisses to a little mole here or a cluster of freckles there before he began his ministrations. Cas groaned deeply and Dean heard the faint fluttering sound that he knew means that somewhere on the plane of existence where they were physical things, Cas’ wings were unfolding.
He wondered what Sam and Sarah were doing right then. Probably lying in a post-coital glow, talking about how many kids they were going to have. Dean knew Sam felt sorry for him; no matter how much his brother loved Cas, Sam constantly bitched that Dean seemed to spend his whole life waiting for the angel to turn up again. Even though he’d never admit it out loud, on some of his loneliest nights Dean felt the same way. But then Cas sighed deeply and Dean sensed those invisible wings trembling. He swung a leg over Castiel’s back so that he could deepen the massage.
Fuck, white picket fences and 2.3 kids. If it was a choice between the two, he’d always opt for what he had.
***
They were staring at some stained glass thing (not Dean’s idea, but Cas wanted to visit some big-deal historic churches and Dean had been willing to oblige in exchange for a promise to stop at IHOP afterwards) when Castiel suddenly winced.
“You okay?” Dean asked, concerned. Cas looking physically uncomfortable was pretty unusual, after all.
“I must step outside for a moment; please excuse me.”
Cas’ version of stepping outside was blinking out of sight, and Dean cursed. Running out the door, he could find no sign of the angel anywhere. He was just about to pull out his cell when Cas reappeared at his side, visibly annoyed.
“Gabriel has very loose definitions of emergencies. My apologies, Dean.”
“Is everything okay?”
“There is a certain pair of malcontents making some noise in Heaven. They have been dissatisfied for some time, and are apparently taking advantage of my absence to make their feelings known somewhat more voraciously.” Cas shrugged. “They have proven themselves to be largely ineffective in the past. Gabriel should be able to handle them by himself.”
“Are you sure?” Dean really didn’t want to call their trip to a halt; this last week was the most fun he could remember having in a long time. But he knew it would be a pretty bad idea to let the political structure of Heaven collapse while he and Cas were off looking at the world’s largest ball of twine.
“As difficult as this may be to believe, I think that in some aspects Gabriel might have issues with lacking confidence. It will do him some good to solve this issue independently.” He took Dean’s arm. “Would you like to see the rectory now, or are you ready to eat?”
“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Dean laughed, steering Cas towards the car and the promise of a chocolate chip short stack.
***
“No. No no no. Absolutely not.” Dean knew a guy had to be flexible in a relationship, but he had his limits and he wasn’t about to cross them.
“But you’re interested in vampires. You fight them all the time.” Cas looked utterly perplexed.
“Fighting vampires is one thing. Voluntarily going to a fucking Twilight movie is another. Jeez, I can’t believe they keep making those things. The actors must be getting grey pubes by now.”
“The first nine weren’t bad.”
“You’ve seen them?” Dean burst out laughing. The idea of Cas settling in with a popcorn, Sprite and Jumbo box of Red Vines to watch a bunch of douchevamps sparkle was hilarious.
“You sleep a lot.” Cas sounded so defensive. “Motels have pay per view.”
Dean laughed again. “Keep watching them then. Just make sure I’m unconscious first.” He reached for the paper. “While I’m awake, we see something less humiliating.”
He scanned the listings, and was just about to suggest the Star Trek: The Next Generation Reboot, when he heard a low-pitched keening sound from Cas. He looked up just in time to see the angel pitch forward onto the table, his face hitting the surface with sickening thud.
“Cas!” Dean scurried around to his lover’s side. He lifted Cas’ head, and the blood coming from his swollen nose and split lip terrified the hunter. Cas wasn’t meant to get hurt like this; it should take a hell of lot more to make an angel bleed.
“Can you call an ambulance?” Dean shouted to the waitress. “Something’s wrong with my boyfriend!” He shook Cas hard. “Come on; wake up!” There was no response. Dean was just about to look for a pulse when a sudden flash of white light behind his eyes knocked him backwards. He gasped once with the unexpected bolt of pain, and then he collapsed to the ground next to Cas’ chair.
***
Damn, he felt weird. Not hurt, really. Just off. Kind of super-charged, like a massive volt of electricity had suddenly got into his blood stream and was having the time of its sparky little life racing around in there.
What the hell was that beeping noise?
Dean forced his eyes open to be greeted by an unfamiliar ceiling. The source of the sound turned out to be a heart monitor, which was attached to a pair of electrodes on this chest.
Hospital then.
Dean searched his memory. What had happened? He was eating lunch with Cas; they had been talking about what movie to see and then- shit. Where was Cas?
“Cas?” He called out, hoping to see the angel manifest at the foot of the bed. “Cas, can you hear me?”
I’m here came the answer. I’m glad you’re awake; I’ve been trying to rouse you for quite some time.
“Where?” Dean looked frantically around the room. “Cas, I can’t see you.”
I’m in here. With a growing sense of dread, Dean watched his own hand lift off the blanket with no effort at all on his part. It tapped at his temple. And there’s no need to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts.
Oh, this was bad. Not quite ‘whole universe sliding into Hell' bad, but definitely bad enough. You’re in my head?
It would appear so.
Cas... how did that happen? Where’s your vessel?
I’m afraid I don’t know. I assume it’s somewhere in this hospital, but I find I’m unable to leave your body in search of it. As for how this happened, again, I have no idea. One moment I was in my vessel, and then I found myself in you. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
But... don’t you need my permission? Not that he wouldn’t have given it; Cas was the one angel he would let use him as a meatsuit if need be. But he hadn’t been asked.
I’m not certain if the usual rules apply in this situation. This is different from the typical occupation of a body. Normally, I would take control of all functions; with the original owner’s will being sublimated. But we seem to be in equal control of your body.
Dean waved his hands in circles in front of his eyes. Okay, that much was true and it was a relief. But they were still royally fucked.
You have no idea what happened?
None. I do believe, however, that it is prudent we correct the situation immediately.
***
Bobby’s extremely extensive library offered absolutely no clue as to what had happened to Dean and Castiel. The older hunter slammed shut a copy of “Involuntary Supernatural Possession for Dummies” with a frustrated snarl.
“You sure you didn’t somehow give permission for this, boy? It could make all the difference.”
“Bobby, I think I’d remember mentioning that I wouldn’t have a problem with being Cas’ meatsuit.”
“Ever say anything like ‘I want you inside me’?” He rolled his eyes at Dean’s rising blush. “Don’t bother playing the virgin with me, Dean. We’re both adults, and I need to know everything I can.”
Dean internally consulted with Cas. Is he right? Is there something I might have said that would trigger this?
I don’t believe so, came the answer in Dean’s head. The protocols for angelic possession are quite stringent and rigid. We are required to ask specifically for what we want, and to obtain undeniable permission. I don’t think sexual requests could ever qualify as such.
Dean summarized that for Bobby. “Fuck-talk doesn’t open the door.”
Bobby rubbed his eyes. “Okay, how about any of the other angels? Can they shed any light on this creepy little situation?”
“I have been unable to establish contact with my brothers or sisters.” Dean winced at Castiel’s voice coming out of his mouth; the angelic tones rasping along his human vocal cords made his throat sting. “This current situation has left me unable to access my angelic abilities. And even if they are trying to locate me, I believe the sigils on Dean’s ribs must make that impossible.”
Dude, just say ‘no’. Dean rubbed at his sore throat.
“Well then, as much as I hate to do it, I think we’re gonna have to call your brother back from his little love-in. We need his big juicy brain going over this as soon as possible.”
Dean hated to bother Sam on his honeymoon, but he knew Bobby was right. “I’ll call him.”
“Good. And in the meantime... Crowley!”
“You called, dear?” The demon appeared in the room and set down his bottle of scotch.
“Stairs, Crowley, and doors. You keep popping in and out like that, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.”
Crowley poured some scotch into his glass. “I promise to be a most attentive nurse. Spongebaths three times a day, whether you need them or not.”
Bobby snorted. “Fantastic. But in the meantime, can you sniff around your old gang and see if anyone knows anything about the mess these two idjits have got themselves into?”
“There’s not a large number of them willing to talk to me these days and those that will tend to be out of the loop, but I’ll do my best.” He knocked back his drink. “I may be a few days.”
“Check in every night and stay safe,” Bobby warned him. Crowley gave him a brief smile and then vanished.
“Okay.” Bobby turned to Dean. “You call your brother; I’ll see what I can do about getting the accidental tourist’s proper vessel transferred to a hospital near here. It might be handy to have it nearby.” He clapped Dean hard on the shoulder. “And don’t worry, boys. We’ll get this fixed.”
Dean winced and rubbed his shoulder. “Jeez, Bobby. You been working out or something?”
“Don’t be such a delicate flower. You’ve got bigger things to worry about.” The older hunter left the room.
Dean knew Bobby was right, but he still yanked his sleeve up check out the spot that hurt much more than it should have. He shuddered when he saw the livid purple bruise, one of the first signs of the physical decay that he knew always happened when an angel took an inappropriate vessel.
***
Although he was going to keep trying, so far Crowley’s investigations had turned up nothing but some vague rumors of unrest in Heaven.
That had worried Castiel, but it still didn’t take him long to return to his more immediately pressing concern of what his possession was doing to Dean’s body. Dean had to bite down hard on his tongue several times to keep Cas from telling Bobby what was happening.
He’s worried enough. And he’s doing everything he can. There’s no need to scare him.
It wasn’t all bad news though. Sam had got the first plane back and was currently hitting the books, internet and dusty old manuscripts equally hard all at once.
Dean had tried to help, but his body’s reaction to being Castiel’s vessel made him weary and sick. When he vomited all over a stack of leather-bound books, he could practically see the wheels in his younger brother's overly quick brain whirling towards the right conclusion. Dean had mumbled something about having drunk for two the night before and tried to stay away from the library ever since.
It didn’t matter. Sam was on it. And sure, Dean might tease his brother every chance he got, but for research there was no one half as good as Sam. If anyone could find a way, it would be him.
Dean’s faith was rewarded on Sam’s third day of investigating. The younger man came downstairs looking exhausted but triumphant.
“I’ve got nothing on the kind of situation you two have going on.” He took a cup of coffee from Sarah with a grateful smile. “Thanks honey. But I found a spell that might work. It’s just a kind of generic possession removal, but it was designed to transfer the possessing spirit, unharmed, into a suitable empty vessel. Once we get a hold of yours Cas, it just might work.”
“It won’t hurt Cas, will it?”
“That’s hardly the most important thing right now.” Castiel spoke before Dean could clamp his mouth shut and stop him. “It is vital that we act before-” Dean shoved an entire piece of toast into his mouth to stop the angel from telling Sam about his symptoms. He nearly choked to death on the thing, but he managed to keep Cas from spilling the beans.
Do you think this will work? he asked Cas later as the two of them read over the ancient document. Can we just shift you?
There was a long pause before the voice in his head answered. I don’t see why not.
You’re lying to me. Dean was certain of it. You can’t fool the guy whose brain you’re sharing.
It’s just that this is a pagan spell. It’s never been used on an angel before. But I don’t think an angel has ever been in my specific situation in the past. I can see no reason why the spell should fail to expel me from your body.
That made sense, and Dean knew it was their best shot. Nonetheless, as he switched off the lights and prepared for sleep, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of unease that there was still something Cas wasn’t telling him.
***
It took two days to get the materials they needed for their ritual and one more for Jimmy Novak’s comatose body to arrive in South Dakota. By that point, Cas had become convinced that even using Dean’s voice was speeding up his deterioration, the angel was mostly silent outside of Dean’s head. Nonetheless, when Bobby’s contact at the hospital confirmed that Jimmy had turned up, the angel piped up to demand to go there immediately.
“We can’t yet, Cas.” Sam was clearly uncomfortable addressing someone else wearing Dean’s face, but he soldiered through. “There will be tons of people around. We’ll go at night.”
"It must be as soon as possible," Castiel insisted. "I don't wish to waste a moment."
Sam narrowed his eyes. "Neither do I."
Dean was just as eager to get the whole thing over with. His nose was bleeding so much that he’d he'd had to make up some bullshit about adult-onset allergies and he'd worked out that the dull, unceasing ache in his lower back was coming from his kidneys when he'd pissed blood that morning. When they headed to the hospital a bit before midnight, he couldn't wait to get it over with.
He never thought he'd be grateful for hospital understaffing, but there were only a couple of nurses on duty in the ward where Jimmy's body was being kept, and they were easy to avoid.
Seeing the body he associated with Cas all laid out and helpless made his chest clench up, even though he knew the angel wasn't in it. He told himself that Cas would be back where he belonged, sitting up and in Dean's arms as soon as possible.
Sam mixed the ingredients in a large bowl, and Dean was glad he didn't need to drink the resulting brown sludge. His brother dropped a match into the bowl, and Dean stepped forward to inhale the smoke. He jumped away as lightning bolts of agony shot through his veins.
"Holy shit! Is it supposed to hurt that much?"
Sam scanned the manuscript. "It says there might be some discomfort."
"Discomfort?" Dean was still shaking. "It felt like it was turning me inside out."
Sam winced in sympathy. "I'm sorry, man. I don't think we can do anything about it. Can you take it?"
Dean knew he had no choice. He stepped back in front of the flaming bowl. The pain hit him hard. He concentrated on the sound of his own breathing, his heart hammering hard in his ears. He'd never known pain like this in his whole life. It wasn't just his body, he realized, although that felt like it was being ripped apart. It was a deeper pain than that, a shredding, devouring sensation right in the center of his grace.
His grace?
He lurched away from the bowl just as Sam was about to add another pinch of Wendigo blood.
"Sam! Sam, you've got to stop."
His brother swore. "Dean, I know it hurts, but-"
"It's not the pain! Sam, it's killing Cas!"
The angel seized control of their shared body then, and Dean found himself dragged across the room and his head shoved into the vapors once more. Castiel's voice snarled from Dean's throat.
"Keep going."
"Um..." Sam still held the powdered blood between his fingers. "Can we talk about this killing you thing first?"
"My being in this body is killing Dean!" He dragged up the hunters sleeves to show Sam the open welts covering his arms.
"I knew it!" Sam kicked the wall angrily. "He said he was fine but I knew something was up."
"They're all over his body," Castiel informed him. "Finish the ritual, Sam."
"Don't!" Dean barely managed to get the word out.
"Dean..." Sam looked completely miserable. "Cas, how long does Dean have?"
"A couple of days at best. Sam, finish this!"
Dean could see the horror in his brother's eyes. He knew Sam cared about Cas, but he wouldn't save the angel by letting his brother die. He added the blood to the mixture and the pain doubled.
"I'm so sorry, Cas." Sam reached for the next ingredient.
Panic bloomed in Dean's belly, even more potent than the pain. He couldn't let this happen. It took everything he had, but he managed to pull himself away from the bowl one more time. His legs gave way, and he collapsed to the ground, his head pumping against a plastic bin. With his hunter's instinct, he realized it was a sharps jar, chock-full of potential weapons. Seizing the opportunity, he wrenched off the lid and pulled out a used syringe.
He'd never have been able to do it if Castiel had been at full strength, but the ritual was having an even harder effect on the angel than it was on him. Forcing back Cas' control, he primed the needle and held it to his own jugular.
"Stop it, Sam! Pour it out!"
"Dean, what the hell are you doing?" He'd never heard Sam sound so furious.
"Air bubble in the blood stream. Immediate death." Dean hated threatening his brother, but this was the only tool he had. "He dies, I'm going with him."
"Cas?" Sam appealed to the angel. "Cas, can you-"
"I've got him reined in. I’ll do it, Sam; I mean it!" It was taking all of Dean's strength to keep the needle at his throat but Sam didn't need to know that. "Sammy, what would you do if it was Sarah?"
Something flashed in Sam's eyes then and Dean knew he understood. Still, his brother shook his head. "If you had to choose between me and Sarah, what would you do?"
Dean waved the needle at his brother and then - fighting Castiel the whole way - returned it to his own neck. "You don't have to make that choice. I'll honestly do it Sam."
Swearing loudly, Sam blew out the flame and overturned the bowl. The mixture sloshed onto the floor, wasted. Dean followed after it, his knees giving out as everything went black.
***
He woke up swaddled in blankets in Bobby's master bedroom. Fuck, he ached.
Cas?, he thought desperately. You still here?
I'm here. The sorrow in the voice made his eyes sting.
Where are the others?
Doing research. They're trying to find another way, but I think even they know that there isn't one. Dean, you really shouldn't have-
Yeah, I should. I'm not going to let you die, Cas; there's no way.
But I have to let you die?
Believe it or not, that's the lesser of two evils to me.
There was a long sigh in his head. I do understand that.
Dean yearned to give his lover a kiss. So... how long do you figure I have?
Today. Tonight. Possibly tomorrow.
That little, huh? And what happens to me after that?
I wish I knew.
What happens to you?
Wherever you go, I will follow.
In spite of the seriousness of the situation, Dean couldn't help but smile. Until death do we part, my ass. Sam and Sarah are lightweights compared to us, huh?
He felt Castiel's amusement. May I make love to you, Dean?
Jeez, Dean wished that were possible. I don't really think I'm up for rubbing one out right now.
That won't be necessary. Just lie still.
As if he had a choice. But he shut his eyes and waited to see what Castiel had in mind.
The first sensations took him by surprise. There were gentle flutterings in his consciousness, familiar and strange at the same time. Cas?
Trust me.
The fluttering sensation spread into little pockets of pleasure like tightly furled buds opening up. Moments of joy that Dean had long forgotten spilled through his mind in a rush of memory.
The thrill of riding his first bike down a steep hill and hearing the tires whoosh against the sun-baked pavement.
A snowball sailing in a perfect arc towards its intended target, more snow crunching under his ducky-faced boots.
Beers and steaks on the deck with Bobby after an entirely successful hunt, the older man laughing and ruffling his hair.
Sam laughing openly, head thrown back and teeth exposed in a rare, carefree moment.
Joy flooded through him, curling his toes with the sheer, pure pleasure. And in the center of it all was Cas, his happiness blending seamlessly with Dean's.
The simple, perfect beauty of the Garden of Eden at the end of the sixth day.
Music, the first time it was ever played, and the discovery of exactly what hearing is for.
Being chosen, over so many stronger, more experienced angels, to be the one to retrieve Dean Winchester.
Flexing the fingers of the first body he'd had in thousands of years and feeling an unfamiliar thrill that he wouldn't recognize as excitement until much later.
The first time they kissed, said they loved each other, knew it was for real.
It just kept spiraling up and up, and Dean was thrilled to be swept along with it. When the sensations finally ebbed away, Dean didn't grieve. He just lay back, awed by what he'd felt.
That's what it's like for me. Castiel's voice was softer than Dean would have believed was possible. Every time we have sex, that's what I feel. I know it always frustrated you that it was so unimportant to me that I have orgasms. But Dean, you have given me so much pleasure.
I guess it doesn't matter, really. In the end, they're just bodies.
That is true. Nonetheless, I wish so much I could hold you right now.
Dean wanted that too. But all he could do was wrap his arms around his own chest and try to hang on to the happiness he’d just remembered he had.
***
Sam appeared at the door shortly after, carrying a tray with a cheeseburger, a thick wedge of pie and a creamy-headed beer. His brother must really be worried, Dean realized, if he was going to condone Dean eating that.
"Do you think you can eat?" Sam hovered in the doorway like he was afraid he might be disturbing Dean's beauty sleep. "I figured it would help to keep your strength up."
"Couldn't hurt." Dean spoke out loud for the first time since the hospital and felt the scabs in his face crack and bead. He hadn't been nearly this bad the day before; wrestling Cas for control must have really done a number on him. "Fuck. Don't bring me a mirror, okay? I wanna die thinking I'm still gorgeous."
"Here." Sam pulled out a jar of greenish paste and smeared some on Dean's face. "It won't heal them, but it should stop the bleeding and do a bit for the pain."
Dean made a face. "This stuff smells like come, Sam. I thought you were researching, not playing with yourself."
"Shut up and eat." Sam helped him sit up and perched on the side of the bed.
Dean took a bite and almost groaned with delight. "You should seriously consider a job preparing last meals. This is awesome."
"Sarah made it."
"Where is she?"
"She and Bobby are still looking through the possibilities. I just... needed a break."
"I'm glad you're here." He finished the burger in four more giant bites. "Tell them to give it a rest, okay? I'd kinda like to hang out with them today."
"They'll find something."
Dean reached over and pinched his brother's cheeks. "You're such a bright-eyed little optimist."
"Fuck off." Sam pulled Dean's hand away from his face, but kept it clutched in his own. "Jerk."
"Bitch." Dean started on the pie.
"Dean..." Sam's tone had changed and Dean knew what was coming. "Listen to me."
"I've been thinking about Steel Magnolias."
Sam blinked. "Okay dude, I know you're gay and all but there's a time and a place for Sally Fields and this isn't it."
"No, seriously. You know that scene where’s Shelby dying and everyone's all gathered around her bed crying for about nine hours? And then she finally kicks it, and they all cry more and more and then I throw up? Let's so not do that, okay? Please."
"Fair enough." Sam stroked the hand he was holding. "When did you watch Steel Magnolias?"
"Believe it or not, it's Cas' favorite movie."
"Honestly?" Sam laughed. "Not The Ten Commandments or something?"
"Nope, but he also likes Twilight."
They are highly enjoyable movies! Dean could almost hear Cas blushing.
Quiet, you. I'm talking.
"All right, no dramatic mourning scene." Sam fussed with the blankets. "Anything you want to do instead?"
"Kick some demon ass! Get me a wheelchair with a built-in salt thrower."
Sam laughed. "Hell's not even going to want you anymore. You're too much of a pain in the ass."
"All part of the plan." He sighed. "It's just such a stupid way to die. I mean, all the time I spent wanting Cas to be around more, even praying that something would happen and he'd have come back to stay, and then I die because I can't get rid of him? Full marks for irony, huh?”
WHAT?
The voice in Dean's head was so loud he clapped his hands over his ears. It didn't help.
Prayer? You PRAYED for this? The angel took control of Dean's voice. "Sam, are you listening? He prayed for this."
"I didn't mean it for it to be like this," Dean objected, but neither of them were listening to him at this point.
"Cas, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sam sounded hopeful for the first time since he came in.
"Exactly. Your research - you've been looking at curses and spells, correct? Things witches or demons could have done to make this happen?"
"Yeah. Or failing that, something that might have gone wrong with your possession of your own vessel that forced you into Dean. But that's not the problem at all, is it?"
"Guys?" Dean cut in. "Anyone want to share the diagnosis with the patient?"
Sam was on his feet and pacing. "If we're right, someone either highly bitter or extremely incompetent has answered your prayers. And we need to find them and get them to undo it. I'm going to summon Crowley. Get him to stop knocking demon heads together and find an angel we can trust. Cas, any suggestions?"
"Gabriel. Have him find Gabriel."
"Gabriel, right. Dean, you rest here. No dying until we get this sorted, understand?"
"I'll do my best."
Dean settled back against the pillows, feeling genuinely hopefully. Prayer, of all things. He sent an annoyed thought at Cas. Your family really are a massive bag of dicks, you know that?
The hurt reply came back: Steel Magnolias is a classic.
***
"I'm sorry, bro. I think you're barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, Ezekial and Haemal were getting snarky, but I hauled them in front of the big throne and read them the riot act. Since then, I think they've been trying to stay in the good books. I've even seen them making nice with Jamaerah, that poor creature."
"We really don't have time for Heavenly gossip right now," Sam reminded him. "Can you fix this?"
Gabriel shook his head. "Whoever did this, they're the ones that have to make it right."
Dean rubbed at his burning eyes. He'd known it was stupid to get his hopes up, but he'd really thought they were onto something. Bobby stared at the ground in disappointment and Dean could tell Sam was seconds away from tears.
"Wait a minute." Sarah spoke up. "What was that name?"
"What, Jamaerah?"
"Who's she?"
"She's officially the Angel of manifestation. You know, she creates space for people's dreams to become reality." Gabriel explained. "But she's a bit... scatty. You know how dreams don't usually come true? And when they do, they're usually way more crap than you thought they were gonna be? Yeah, that's why."
Sam stared at his wife. "Sarah? Do you really think?"
She nodded. "Excuse me. I need to make a telephone call."
***
The holy oil had already been laid down when Sarah's maid of honour came bouncing through the door. "This was such a good idea! I'm so up for a Queer as Fok marathon" Her smile wilted when Sam threw down the match. "Sar? What's up?"
"Listen to me, Jamaerah." Dean's sister-in-law spoke slowly and clearly. "This is very, very important. Are you actually the Angel of manifestation?"
The woman's eyes lit up. "I knew it! We're soul-sisters! No one's ever guessed before!" She noticed Dean and her lip curled up in disgust. "Whoa! What happened to you?"
"I'm slowly rotting from within." If he lived through this, he was definitely going to find Sarah some new friends.
"Oh, that's so sad! But where's Castiel? Why isn't he here holding your hand and mopping your brow?" She beamed at Sam. "I fixed it for him, you know? Cas should be totally attached to him now. So where is he?"
"I'm in here." Dean could feel Castiel's fury in every inch of his body. He concentrated on holding Cas back from throttling the other angel. Not that she didn't have it coming, but it was his hands that would get burned in the fire.
"Well, that's your problem!" Jamaerah rolled her eyes. "He's not a suitable vessel for you. Get out of him and get on with the nursing!"
"Thank you; I was aware of that." Dean noted mentally that Castiel's capacity for sarcasm was improving. "Jamaerah, was this Ezekial and Haemal's idea, by any chance?"
"Well... yeah." The other angel knitted her brow. "It was kinda weird, actually. I'd never really talked to those two before, but after I got back from the wedding, suddenly they got all friendly. They asked about you, Dean. I've gotta be honest; I had no idea Cas was your guy, but once I found out I knew I had to help. Then Ham and Zeke showed me your prayer and I knew what to do."
"I'm so going to kill those two." Gabriel promised.
"No," Castiel snarled. "I will kill them. Then I will resurrect them and kill them again. After that, you may do as you like."
"I'm going to want a shot at them too," Dean put in.
"And me," Sam growled.
"Fine, we'll all take turns," Castiel promised. "But first, Jamaerah, can you get me out of here?"
"Sure, sure, no problem. As soon as you put out the fire."
Gabriel doused the flames as Jamaerah knelt in front of Dean. She lifted her hand to his forehead, but paused before she touched him. "Hey boss? After I do this, are you just gonna go back to normal?"
"I certainly hope so."
"No, I mean are going to keep being such a shitty boyfriend? I mean, Dean's a great guy. He's sweet and hot and totally into you. If he were my man, I'd be here all the time."
Well, this was embarrassing. Dean could feel Cas searching for words inside his head. He decided to put the angel out of his misery. "Listen, like I should have told you at Sam's wedding, it's none of your business. I don't care what you think of my love life. I'm a lot more interested in not dying, if that's all right with you. So would you mind?"
Jamaerah sniffed. "Wow, that was kind of rude." She tapped Dean's forehead. "There, done. And you really ought to be nicer to people if you want them to help you."
Dean barely heard her. His relief at the easing pain was tempered by the panic of feeling Cas leave his mind. "Cas?" He looked around frantically. "Where are you?"
"I'm right here." Dean twisted around to see Castiel, wearing his trench coat and a relieved smile, appear by the window. Relief flooded through him as his lover rushed over and folded him into his arms.
"Well, this is nauseating." Gabriel stretched languidly. "Jamaerah, if you wouldn't mind returning to Heaven with us, I'm sure little brother is going to want to take your statement. Castiel, whenever you're ready..."
"You take care of it." Cas refused to take his eyes off Dean's face. "I'm taking a personal day."
"Cas, will you stop hovering?" Dean laughed. "I told you, I'm fine!"
"You are not fine." Castiel was obstinate. "Your sleeping habits have still not returned to their pattern before your ordeal, and I remain concerned about your blood sugar levels."
"My blood sugar levels are high because you keep bringing all my favorite food but you won't let me work any of it off hunting. And as for not sleeping..." He cocked an eyebrow. Cas had been very devoted to making sure Dean enjoyed life.
"I still feel you need care."
"And I know you're needed in Heaven."
"Gabriel is very capable."
"But he's not you. I get it now; it's important that it's you up there. I mean, you take one holiday and a whole conspiracy goes down." Dean stroked Castiel's cheek. "Listen, I've loved having you here. Once we got past the part where it nearly killed me, it was great. But every time Gabe shows up here, you drag him outside like you don't want me to hear the bad news and worry. And that makes me worry more. You've got to go back, don't you?"
"Dean... yes. But I want you to know, I have no intentions of letting things be as they were before. You will remain my first priority; I will take every opportunity to return to you here."
"I believe you."
"And, if you have no objections, I would like to propose something that would allow us to maintain better contact while I'm not able to remain here." The angel stroked Dean's temple. "I would like to leave a piece of my consciousness here."
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Dude, didn't we already do this? The whole stomach churning, skin flaking, various fluids ooziing bit. It was no fun the first time around."
"I do remember. I am certainly never going to inhabit your body willingly again. What I am talking about is simply leaving a shred of my grace in your mind. It would allow us to be aware of each other, even when I must be away from you."
Dean swallowed hard. What the angel was suggesting sounded pretty major. A little part of someone else, with him all the time? Was he ready for that with Castiel?
Then again, if not now then when? If not with Cas, then who? Never and no one.
"I'm not going to start falling apart again?"
"I believe there is absolutely no risk. And it will not affect my own abilities. If it does any harm to you, I will end the connection."
Dean swallowed hard. "All right then. Go."
"You're certain?"
"Cas - do it."
He waited for the pain he remembered, the sickening feeling of his body trying to shuck something from the inside. It didn't come. First, he felt nothing at all. Then there was warmth.
"Is that it?"
"No." Castiel kissed him gently on the forehead, and Dean's eyes widened in surprise. He felt, for the first time, utterly and totally aware.
Cas loved him. He loved Dean enough to attempt what has never been done. A lone angel was trying to marshal the forces of Heaven and change what hasn't changed since Lucifer fell. All because he loved humanity, and he loved it through Dean. Dean drank that in and sent his own love back. Castiel shivered at the power of it, and Dean felt worthy.
He had no idea how long they stood there, but when Cas whispered that he should go, Dean only nodded. "I'll see you soon."
In the next moment, Castiel was gone. Dean breathed deeply and then reached for his gun. He had been itching to hunt for ages now. He called for Sam, smiling at the voice whispering in his mind.
Very soon.
Author: thinlizzy2
Fandom/Genre: SPN/Romance
Pairing(s): Dean/Cas, background Sam/Sarah and Bobby/Crowley
Rating: R
Word Count: 9198
Warnings: Sexual situations, shmoop and snark (shmark?) with a side of angst.
Summary: Dean and Cas' romantic getaway doesn't go as planned.
A/N: This is the second and last of my spn_reversebang fics. Now I can relax and actually READ some of the stuff that's up there. The amazing art for this one was done by the talented exhaledtroop and thanks yet again to the lovely durtydeefla82, the queen of beta readers!
Dean beamed at the happy couple as he lifted his glass in a salute. “Congrats, Sammy; you’ve finally found a girl willing to put up with you. Sarah - what can I say? You might just be the bravest woman in the world.” The guests laughed and Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. “To Mr. and Mrs. Winchester!”
The room echoed the toast and the waiters emerged to serve the first course. Dean was about it tuck into his salad (although, really Sam? Health food at a wedding?) when the maid of honor addressed him.
“That was a funny speech. You and your brother must have teased each other a lot as kids.”
“It didn’t stop then,” Dean admitted. “But I love the guy. I’m happy for him.”
The blonde moved closer. “That’s sweet. How about you? Anyone special in your life?”
Oh. It was that kind of conversation. It was flattering and all, but this was the third time tonight, and Dean was getting a bit sick of it. Still, it was to be expected what with him coming stag to his own brother’s wedding. “Yeah, I’m with someone. Just not tonight. Work commitments and all that.”
The woman smiled sympathetically and Dean tried to remember her name. He’d been introduced to her at the rehearsal dinner; he knew that, but he’ been too distracted by his worry over Cas’ absence to remember. He searched his mind, but all he could remember was that it had been something weird.
She shifted, discreetly tugging down her neckline a couple of inches. “You can’t be very important to her, if she couldn’t make time for this.”
Dean felt a flare of irritation. “Oh, I know I’m very important to him. He’s just got a really important job; that’s all. He’s a soldier, pretty high up. He’d be here if he could.” There. That was about as many masculine pronouns as he could fit into four sentences. If that didn’t warn the girl off, nothing would.
“Oh, that’s so sweet! You’ve got a boyfriend! And he’s in the army; that’s so brave of him. A gay soldier.” She looked all starry-eyed. “How did you two meet? Was it really romantic?”
Fuck, the last thing he wanted was to spend the evening talking to Becky 2.0. Dean decided to end this fast. “I stabbed him through the chest with a six-inch blade. After that, we were pretty much inseparable.”
Result. The girl blinked and swung around, starting a conversation with the man on her left. Dean picked up his fork and tried not to feel bad. He knew what he said was true; he was important to Cas. Nothing short of a crisis in Heaven would have kept the angel away today; it was just their luck that crises in Heaven were becoming pretty damn common. Still, as he watched Sam and Sarah forking mouthfuls of salad into each other’s mouths, he couldn’t help but feel a bit alone.
***
Okay, he was happy for Sam and all, but conga lines were a step too far. Dean excused himself as politely as possible and headed for the garden, Sammy’s drunken shouts of “Conga, conga, con-ga” following him as he went. Dean laughed as he stepped into the cool spring air. He’d promised Sam he wouldn’t bust his balls in front of Sarah’s family, but once he got his brother alone, it was going to be open season on mockery for a while. Hell, Sam getting Sarah’s garter caught in his teeth was going to be good for months of teasing all on its own.
“Here.” Dean spun around to see Bobby emerging from the ballroom with two glasses of beer. “It’s imported, but it’s not too bad. Better than that froufy wine, at any rate. I swear, the kid passes the bar exam, and all of a sudden he’s talking about vintages and tannins and I don’t know what.”
“Thanks.” Dean accepted the drink. “You having a good time?”
“It’s a good party. Nice to see Sam settled. I’ve gotta be honest; I had my doubts I’d ever see the day.”
“Makes two of us,” Dean agreed.
“So now you’re the only one I’ve gotta worry about. Cuts my workload by 50%, I reckon. Maybe that’ll do the ulcer some good.”
Dean chuckled. “You don’t need to worry about me, Bobby. I’m fine.”
“You’re not possessed by a demon or trying not to turn into an angel condom; I’ll give you that. But fine, Dean-o? Really? Kid, you’re lonely; you’ve been lonely for years. That ain’t fine from where I’m sitting.”
Dean groaned inwardly. He loved Bobby like a father; he always had. And it had been unexpectedly great to have someone to “come out” with. But ever since Crowley had agreed to give up the whole crossroads thing in favor of a life with Bobby that didn’t involve nonstop bickering, the older man had decided that Dean and Cas needed to be just as codependent and it was driving Dean nuts. “I’m not lonely. How could I be lonely when you never go away?”
“I’m just saying. Missing Christmas and your birthdays the last two years running was bad enough. But your brother’s wedding? You need to have a talk with that angel of yours, remind him what’s important.”
“Cas is running Heaven. That’s pretty damn important.” No matter how pissed off Dean was, he had to defend his lover.
“Yeah, and they’ve got all their goodies back. I haven’t needed to stock up on holy oil for ages. What’s he still got going on up there that matters more than this?”
Dean didn’t know, and he sure as hell didn’t want to spend his brother’s wedding speculating about it. He drained his glass. “Thanks Ann Landers. I’ll take that into consideration. For now though, this stuff’s pretty decent and it’s an open bar. Shall we?”
***
The bride and groom were long gone and only the hard core drinkers were still taking advantage of the open bar when Castiel finally showed up. Dean had tucked himself into his hotel bed two hours earlier but found himself unable to sleep; the bed was too soft and free of lumps.
“I can not apologize enough.” Dean sat up and spun around to find his lover perched on the edge of the bed. “I tried to get away many times, but it proved impossible.”
“You’re here now.” Dean reached over and gave him a sleepy kiss. “It’s good to see you.”
The angel returned the kiss wholeheartedly. “And you. Was it a nice wedding?”
“Really nice. We’ll have to watch the DVD together, once it’s finished.” He lay back down, pulling Cas into his arms. “I wish you could have been there.”
Castiel rested his head on Dean’s chest. “As do I. Sadly, my absence was unavoidable.”
“Are you okay?” Dean looked him up and down in the dim light. Castiel didn’t look injured, but that didn’t necessarily mean much. “You didn’t get hurt in whatever went down up there.”
“Not hurt, merely annoyed. I have spent the last three days in an unceasing argument over the correct language to be used in a particularly thorny biblical passage.”
“What?” Dean jumped to his feet, dislodging the resting angel. “You missed Sam’s wedding for that? I thought something important was going on.”
“This was important,” Castiel replied, clearly puzzled. “It will have a lasting impact on the way in which God’s message is perceived by generations to come and effect the way people choose to worship and give tribute to my father. What could possibly be more important than that?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Dean was furious. “Maybe Sam, your friend Sam, actually finding love and choosing to spend the rest of his life with someone amazing. Or possibly taking one night out from Bible study for our sakes, when you knew how important this wedding was to us. Sam was short an usher, Cas; some poor bridesmaid had to go down the aisle all by herself. And I had to dance in a weird little trio with Bobby and Crowley, which was not only pathetic but also made the maid of honor cream herself.”
“What?”
“Never mind.” Dean rubbed his tired eyes. “You should have been there.”
“I know.” Castiel hung his head. “If it helps, I have diverted a tropical storm that was heading towards Mexico. Sam and Sarah should now have excellent weather for their honeymoon.”
“Well... thanks.” Dean shrugged. “But Cas, that’s not enough. You know that.”
“I also sent a punch bowl. It’s from Tiffany’s.”
Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “Look, I know what’s going on in Heaven is important. I get that. But what’s going on here? That’s important too. And I need to know that you realize that.”
Castiel’s brow furrowed. “Of course what happens on Earth is important to me. You are here, after all.”
Okay, Dean officially couldn’t be pissed off anymore. “You’re such a damn sweet-talker”. He reached for the angel, tugging his trench coat off his shoulders. “Come here.”
“I am here.”
“Come more here.” Dean pulled Cas on top of him, It felt good to have the angel back in his arms. That didn’t happen enough anymore. “This is nice.”
“It is.” Castiel nuzzled at Dean’s neck. “It’s a shame I can’t remain here, but there is urgent business that apparently requires my immediate attention.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Dean exploded. He rolled Castiel off him. “You just turn up for the fight and leave again?”
“It was not my intention to fight.”
“So I was going to get a whole seven minutes of your time then? How flattering, Cas. Were you planning to leave a twenty on the nightstand before you went?”
“Are you in need of money?”
Dean groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Nevermind. Just go. I’ll see you when I see you.”
“I do wish I could stay longer.” Castiel sounded genuinely regretful. “But I have recently been made aware of a grave injustice. I can not allow it to continue unaddressed.”
Dean made one final last-ditch attempt to salvage the night. “And there’s no way anyone else can handle this? There’s not one angel, cupid or magical wood-sprite in Heaven besides you that can take this one on?”
“I’m afraid I may be the only being in existence capable of correcting this,” Castiel replied. He lay one hand on top of Dean’s. “I truly am sorry about the wedding.”
And then he was gone.
Dean sighed, lying back down on the much too comfortable bed. “Well, thanks for dropping in, honey.” The hunter spoke to the empty room. “I’ll aim the angel signal at a passing cloud next time I need you.”
***
Dean woke up in about as shitty a mood as he would have expected. But there were very few things that couldn’t be solved with a heaping plate of bacon and eggs, a strong cup of coffee and a smiling angel, all of which greeted him as he stepped out of the shower.
“Wow, that has to have been the quickest Heavenly emergency yet! What’s all this?”
“Step one.” Cas looked rather smugly pleased with himself, Dean couldn’t help but notice. “Please eat.”
Dean never had to be asked twice to enjoy a hot meal. He took a bite and groaned aloud with pleasure. The scrambled eggs were rich and buttery; the bacon was crispy and salty; everything was just how he liked it. He wolfed down several more mouthfuls before pausing to ask, “Step one of what?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that right now. Have some more toast.”
Dean’s fork froze halfway to his mouth. Why did he always forget that surprises from Heaven weren’t necessarily a good thing? “Why can’t you tell me? What’s going on?”
Castiel frowned. “I am trying to be mysterious and romantic, and telling you the details of my plan would spoil the surprise. So please stop asking and eat your breakfast.”
Dean couldn’t help but be touched. He finished his meal and followed Cas outside. He was stunned to see his suitcase, which he had left inside the hotel room, sitting in the back seat of the Impala.
“It’s all packed. I even added a few things.” Cas was obviously pleased with himself. “And I made a few adjustments to the car. Don’t worry,” he held up a hand to stop Dean’s inevitable protest that anyone had tinkered with his baby. “It will be fine, easy to put back to normal once our holiday is complete. But until then, it has unlimited gasoline and will be free of any mechanical difficulties.”
“Holiday?” Dean knew he was gaping like a fish, but he didn’t care.
“I have left Gabriel in charge of Heaven for the immediate future.” Cas winced. “He may not be the most... stable personality, but I trust his loyalties. As for you and I, we will spend some much-needed time together.”
“But...” Dean didn’t understand. “Last night? Your crisis?”
“Last night, I realized how badly I have been treating you. When we agreed to continue our relationship despite my duties in Heaven, you reminded me that you are an independent individual, not in need of excess amounts of companionship. I may have taken too much comfort in that, used it to reassure myself that my prolonged absences were excusable. They are not.” He cupped Dean’s face in his hands. “Dean, I am fighting for a better world for you. And if you are not happy in it, my efforts are wasted.”
Dean kissed him deeply. He got angry at Cas sometimes, a lot of the time even, but the angel always managed to remind him exactly why he loved him so much. “So... road trip then?”
Castiel nodded. “Anywhere you want to go. Anything you want to see.”
“And if some trouble pops up in Heaven? If the decision-makers up there can’t agree on what color covers hymnals should have? What will you do then?”
“Dean, no one will bother me with that. It’s up to individual publishers. Also, it’s stupid.”
Dean laughed. “You know what I mean.”
“Gabriel has permission to contact me in the case of a genuine emergency. But I have forbidden him from doing so unless the matter is truly urgent. If that means hymnals are doomed to be leopard-print from now on, then so be it.”
Dean nodded. “Then there’s only one more issue.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s very important that you understand this.” He spoke sternly. “I get to drive.”
***
The gush of water was deafening; Dean needed to lean close to Cas just to be sure he would be heard. “It’s amazing, absolutely amazing.”
“It is, isn’t it? My father is a true artist.”
Dean might not have been the biggest fan of Castiel’s chronically deadbeat dad, but it was hard to argue in this case. Niagara Falls was truly spectacular. The water plummeted from the rocks in a foamy sheet; the mist created dozens of tiny rainbows as it hit the bottom. Droplets darkened Cas’ trenchcoat; Dean reached up to brush a few beads of water from his hair.
“Are you happy?” Cas’ mouth pressed against Dean’s ear and the hunter shivered as he licked the lobe. “Is this what you wanted?”
“It’s a damn good start,” Dean replied, tightening his grip around his lover’s waist. He wasn’t the sort to go for public embraces, but there was no one but the two of them around, and the waterfall wasn’t likely to object. So he could hold onto Cas, touch him whenever he wanted, kiss him for long lazy stretches of time and no one at all would see.
...That was actually kind of weird, really.
“Hey, Cas?”
“Yes?”
“You know how this is one of the biggest tourist attractions in the world? One of the seven wonders of the world, plus all the funfairs and bars and shit?”
“Yes...” There was a guilty look in Castiel’s eyes; Dean was definitely on to something.
“So... where is everybody?” They’d had a talk a couple of years ago after Cas, feeling a bit bad after his anniversary gift of frankensense hadn’t exactly been a hit, had turned back time to go shopping again. They had a rule now - no messing with the laws of the universe to get out of the boyfriend doghouse. So if Cas had zapped all the other tourists to some alternate dimension, Dean was obligated to be pissed off. Even if it was kind of sweet.
“I...”
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t want you to have to fight your way through crowds to see this. So I merely implanted a suggestion in the minds of the other potential visitors that they come tomorrow instead. Most of them are spending the day at the Niagara City Pie Eating Competition instead.”
“WHAT?” Dean’s mind was officially blown.
“I’m told it’s quite an enjoyable event. I can assure you, they are not suffering.”
“There’s a PIE EATING CONTEST and we’re here watching water? What the hell?” Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and hauled him back towards the car. “Water. Pie. And you choose water? I thought you knew me, man!”
Dean threw his head back against the pillows and groaned deeply as pleasure made his muscles limp. Cas gave his spent cock on final lick and emerged from under the blankets, his mouth slightly curling at the edges in what Dean had learned to recognize as his smile of satisfaction at a job well done.
“Thanks,” he panted, breath coming in short hard bursts.
“It was my pleasure,” the angel replied, and Dean still couldn’t help but laugh at Cas’ solicitous tone of voice.
“Hey, do you want me to-”
“If you like. I will only require a few moments to direct blood flow to my penis.”
Dean chuckled. The two of them worked out a while ago that while Cas was capable of orgasm and didn’t actually mind the sensation, it definitely wasn’t something he craved. At first, Dean was offended by that, but Cas assured him it had nothing to do with their emotional bond, and he’d learned not to take it personally. From time to time he liked Cas to come inside him or for Cas to have an orgasm while Dean was fucking him, and the angel obliged. It was less important now that he had found ways to satisfy his lover that were almost as enjoyable as getting him off.
“Would you like a massage, Cas? That’s what I was gonna say.”
“Oh. Yes, please.”
Castiel rolled over eagerly; Dean knew he adored this. He took his time, mapping out Cas’ back with his hands, pressing kisses to a little mole here or a cluster of freckles there before he began his ministrations. Cas groaned deeply and Dean heard the faint fluttering sound that he knew means that somewhere on the plane of existence where they were physical things, Cas’ wings were unfolding.
He wondered what Sam and Sarah were doing right then. Probably lying in a post-coital glow, talking about how many kids they were going to have. Dean knew Sam felt sorry for him; no matter how much his brother loved Cas, Sam constantly bitched that Dean seemed to spend his whole life waiting for the angel to turn up again. Even though he’d never admit it out loud, on some of his loneliest nights Dean felt the same way. But then Cas sighed deeply and Dean sensed those invisible wings trembling. He swung a leg over Castiel’s back so that he could deepen the massage.
Fuck, white picket fences and 2.3 kids. If it was a choice between the two, he’d always opt for what he had.
***
They were staring at some stained glass thing (not Dean’s idea, but Cas wanted to visit some big-deal historic churches and Dean had been willing to oblige in exchange for a promise to stop at IHOP afterwards) when Castiel suddenly winced.
“You okay?” Dean asked, concerned. Cas looking physically uncomfortable was pretty unusual, after all.
“I must step outside for a moment; please excuse me.”
Cas’ version of stepping outside was blinking out of sight, and Dean cursed. Running out the door, he could find no sign of the angel anywhere. He was just about to pull out his cell when Cas reappeared at his side, visibly annoyed.
“Gabriel has very loose definitions of emergencies. My apologies, Dean.”
“Is everything okay?”
“There is a certain pair of malcontents making some noise in Heaven. They have been dissatisfied for some time, and are apparently taking advantage of my absence to make their feelings known somewhat more voraciously.” Cas shrugged. “They have proven themselves to be largely ineffective in the past. Gabriel should be able to handle them by himself.”
“Are you sure?” Dean really didn’t want to call their trip to a halt; this last week was the most fun he could remember having in a long time. But he knew it would be a pretty bad idea to let the political structure of Heaven collapse while he and Cas were off looking at the world’s largest ball of twine.
“As difficult as this may be to believe, I think that in some aspects Gabriel might have issues with lacking confidence. It will do him some good to solve this issue independently.” He took Dean’s arm. “Would you like to see the rectory now, or are you ready to eat?”
“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Dean laughed, steering Cas towards the car and the promise of a chocolate chip short stack.
***
“No. No no no. Absolutely not.” Dean knew a guy had to be flexible in a relationship, but he had his limits and he wasn’t about to cross them.
“But you’re interested in vampires. You fight them all the time.” Cas looked utterly perplexed.
“Fighting vampires is one thing. Voluntarily going to a fucking Twilight movie is another. Jeez, I can’t believe they keep making those things. The actors must be getting grey pubes by now.”
“The first nine weren’t bad.”
“You’ve seen them?” Dean burst out laughing. The idea of Cas settling in with a popcorn, Sprite and Jumbo box of Red Vines to watch a bunch of douchevamps sparkle was hilarious.
“You sleep a lot.” Cas sounded so defensive. “Motels have pay per view.”
Dean laughed again. “Keep watching them then. Just make sure I’m unconscious first.” He reached for the paper. “While I’m awake, we see something less humiliating.”
He scanned the listings, and was just about to suggest the Star Trek: The Next Generation Reboot, when he heard a low-pitched keening sound from Cas. He looked up just in time to see the angel pitch forward onto the table, his face hitting the surface with sickening thud.
“Cas!” Dean scurried around to his lover’s side. He lifted Cas’ head, and the blood coming from his swollen nose and split lip terrified the hunter. Cas wasn’t meant to get hurt like this; it should take a hell of lot more to make an angel bleed.
“Can you call an ambulance?” Dean shouted to the waitress. “Something’s wrong with my boyfriend!” He shook Cas hard. “Come on; wake up!” There was no response. Dean was just about to look for a pulse when a sudden flash of white light behind his eyes knocked him backwards. He gasped once with the unexpected bolt of pain, and then he collapsed to the ground next to Cas’ chair.
***
Damn, he felt weird. Not hurt, really. Just off. Kind of super-charged, like a massive volt of electricity had suddenly got into his blood stream and was having the time of its sparky little life racing around in there.
What the hell was that beeping noise?
Dean forced his eyes open to be greeted by an unfamiliar ceiling. The source of the sound turned out to be a heart monitor, which was attached to a pair of electrodes on this chest.
Hospital then.
Dean searched his memory. What had happened? He was eating lunch with Cas; they had been talking about what movie to see and then- shit. Where was Cas?
“Cas?” He called out, hoping to see the angel manifest at the foot of the bed. “Cas, can you hear me?”
I’m here came the answer. I’m glad you’re awake; I’ve been trying to rouse you for quite some time.
“Where?” Dean looked frantically around the room. “Cas, I can’t see you.”
I’m in here. With a growing sense of dread, Dean watched his own hand lift off the blanket with no effort at all on his part. It tapped at his temple. And there’s no need to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts.
Oh, this was bad. Not quite ‘whole universe sliding into Hell' bad, but definitely bad enough. You’re in my head?
It would appear so.
Cas... how did that happen? Where’s your vessel?
I’m afraid I don’t know. I assume it’s somewhere in this hospital, but I find I’m unable to leave your body in search of it. As for how this happened, again, I have no idea. One moment I was in my vessel, and then I found myself in you. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
But... don’t you need my permission? Not that he wouldn’t have given it; Cas was the one angel he would let use him as a meatsuit if need be. But he hadn’t been asked.
I’m not certain if the usual rules apply in this situation. This is different from the typical occupation of a body. Normally, I would take control of all functions; with the original owner’s will being sublimated. But we seem to be in equal control of your body.
Dean waved his hands in circles in front of his eyes. Okay, that much was true and it was a relief. But they were still royally fucked.
You have no idea what happened?
None. I do believe, however, that it is prudent we correct the situation immediately.
***
Bobby’s extremely extensive library offered absolutely no clue as to what had happened to Dean and Castiel. The older hunter slammed shut a copy of “Involuntary Supernatural Possession for Dummies” with a frustrated snarl.
“You sure you didn’t somehow give permission for this, boy? It could make all the difference.”
“Bobby, I think I’d remember mentioning that I wouldn’t have a problem with being Cas’ meatsuit.”
“Ever say anything like ‘I want you inside me’?” He rolled his eyes at Dean’s rising blush. “Don’t bother playing the virgin with me, Dean. We’re both adults, and I need to know everything I can.”
Dean internally consulted with Cas. Is he right? Is there something I might have said that would trigger this?
I don’t believe so, came the answer in Dean’s head. The protocols for angelic possession are quite stringent and rigid. We are required to ask specifically for what we want, and to obtain undeniable permission. I don’t think sexual requests could ever qualify as such.
Dean summarized that for Bobby. “Fuck-talk doesn’t open the door.”
Bobby rubbed his eyes. “Okay, how about any of the other angels? Can they shed any light on this creepy little situation?”
“I have been unable to establish contact with my brothers or sisters.” Dean winced at Castiel’s voice coming out of his mouth; the angelic tones rasping along his human vocal cords made his throat sting. “This current situation has left me unable to access my angelic abilities. And even if they are trying to locate me, I believe the sigils on Dean’s ribs must make that impossible.”
Dude, just say ‘no’. Dean rubbed at his sore throat.
“Well then, as much as I hate to do it, I think we’re gonna have to call your brother back from his little love-in. We need his big juicy brain going over this as soon as possible.”
Dean hated to bother Sam on his honeymoon, but he knew Bobby was right. “I’ll call him.”
“Good. And in the meantime... Crowley!”
“You called, dear?” The demon appeared in the room and set down his bottle of scotch.
“Stairs, Crowley, and doors. You keep popping in and out like that, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.”
Crowley poured some scotch into his glass. “I promise to be a most attentive nurse. Spongebaths three times a day, whether you need them or not.”
Bobby snorted. “Fantastic. But in the meantime, can you sniff around your old gang and see if anyone knows anything about the mess these two idjits have got themselves into?”
“There’s not a large number of them willing to talk to me these days and those that will tend to be out of the loop, but I’ll do my best.” He knocked back his drink. “I may be a few days.”
“Check in every night and stay safe,” Bobby warned him. Crowley gave him a brief smile and then vanished.
“Okay.” Bobby turned to Dean. “You call your brother; I’ll see what I can do about getting the accidental tourist’s proper vessel transferred to a hospital near here. It might be handy to have it nearby.” He clapped Dean hard on the shoulder. “And don’t worry, boys. We’ll get this fixed.”
Dean winced and rubbed his shoulder. “Jeez, Bobby. You been working out or something?”
“Don’t be such a delicate flower. You’ve got bigger things to worry about.” The older hunter left the room.
Dean knew Bobby was right, but he still yanked his sleeve up check out the spot that hurt much more than it should have. He shuddered when he saw the livid purple bruise, one of the first signs of the physical decay that he knew always happened when an angel took an inappropriate vessel.
***
Although he was going to keep trying, so far Crowley’s investigations had turned up nothing but some vague rumors of unrest in Heaven.
That had worried Castiel, but it still didn’t take him long to return to his more immediately pressing concern of what his possession was doing to Dean’s body. Dean had to bite down hard on his tongue several times to keep Cas from telling Bobby what was happening.
He’s worried enough. And he’s doing everything he can. There’s no need to scare him.
It wasn’t all bad news though. Sam had got the first plane back and was currently hitting the books, internet and dusty old manuscripts equally hard all at once.
Dean had tried to help, but his body’s reaction to being Castiel’s vessel made him weary and sick. When he vomited all over a stack of leather-bound books, he could practically see the wheels in his younger brother's overly quick brain whirling towards the right conclusion. Dean had mumbled something about having drunk for two the night before and tried to stay away from the library ever since.
It didn’t matter. Sam was on it. And sure, Dean might tease his brother every chance he got, but for research there was no one half as good as Sam. If anyone could find a way, it would be him.
Dean’s faith was rewarded on Sam’s third day of investigating. The younger man came downstairs looking exhausted but triumphant.
“I’ve got nothing on the kind of situation you two have going on.” He took a cup of coffee from Sarah with a grateful smile. “Thanks honey. But I found a spell that might work. It’s just a kind of generic possession removal, but it was designed to transfer the possessing spirit, unharmed, into a suitable empty vessel. Once we get a hold of yours Cas, it just might work.”
“It won’t hurt Cas, will it?”
“That’s hardly the most important thing right now.” Castiel spoke before Dean could clamp his mouth shut and stop him. “It is vital that we act before-” Dean shoved an entire piece of toast into his mouth to stop the angel from telling Sam about his symptoms. He nearly choked to death on the thing, but he managed to keep Cas from spilling the beans.
Do you think this will work? he asked Cas later as the two of them read over the ancient document. Can we just shift you?
There was a long pause before the voice in his head answered. I don’t see why not.
You’re lying to me. Dean was certain of it. You can’t fool the guy whose brain you’re sharing.
It’s just that this is a pagan spell. It’s never been used on an angel before. But I don’t think an angel has ever been in my specific situation in the past. I can see no reason why the spell should fail to expel me from your body.
That made sense, and Dean knew it was their best shot. Nonetheless, as he switched off the lights and prepared for sleep, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of unease that there was still something Cas wasn’t telling him.
***
It took two days to get the materials they needed for their ritual and one more for Jimmy Novak’s comatose body to arrive in South Dakota. By that point, Cas had become convinced that even using Dean’s voice was speeding up his deterioration, the angel was mostly silent outside of Dean’s head. Nonetheless, when Bobby’s contact at the hospital confirmed that Jimmy had turned up, the angel piped up to demand to go there immediately.
“We can’t yet, Cas.” Sam was clearly uncomfortable addressing someone else wearing Dean’s face, but he soldiered through. “There will be tons of people around. We’ll go at night.”
"It must be as soon as possible," Castiel insisted. "I don't wish to waste a moment."
Sam narrowed his eyes. "Neither do I."
Dean was just as eager to get the whole thing over with. His nose was bleeding so much that he’d he'd had to make up some bullshit about adult-onset allergies and he'd worked out that the dull, unceasing ache in his lower back was coming from his kidneys when he'd pissed blood that morning. When they headed to the hospital a bit before midnight, he couldn't wait to get it over with.
He never thought he'd be grateful for hospital understaffing, but there were only a couple of nurses on duty in the ward where Jimmy's body was being kept, and they were easy to avoid.
Seeing the body he associated with Cas all laid out and helpless made his chest clench up, even though he knew the angel wasn't in it. He told himself that Cas would be back where he belonged, sitting up and in Dean's arms as soon as possible.
Sam mixed the ingredients in a large bowl, and Dean was glad he didn't need to drink the resulting brown sludge. His brother dropped a match into the bowl, and Dean stepped forward to inhale the smoke. He jumped away as lightning bolts of agony shot through his veins.
"Holy shit! Is it supposed to hurt that much?"
Sam scanned the manuscript. "It says there might be some discomfort."
"Discomfort?" Dean was still shaking. "It felt like it was turning me inside out."
Sam winced in sympathy. "I'm sorry, man. I don't think we can do anything about it. Can you take it?"
Dean knew he had no choice. He stepped back in front of the flaming bowl. The pain hit him hard. He concentrated on the sound of his own breathing, his heart hammering hard in his ears. He'd never known pain like this in his whole life. It wasn't just his body, he realized, although that felt like it was being ripped apart. It was a deeper pain than that, a shredding, devouring sensation right in the center of his grace.
His grace?
He lurched away from the bowl just as Sam was about to add another pinch of Wendigo blood.
"Sam! Sam, you've got to stop."
His brother swore. "Dean, I know it hurts, but-"
"It's not the pain! Sam, it's killing Cas!"
The angel seized control of their shared body then, and Dean found himself dragged across the room and his head shoved into the vapors once more. Castiel's voice snarled from Dean's throat.
"Keep going."
"Um..." Sam still held the powdered blood between his fingers. "Can we talk about this killing you thing first?"
"My being in this body is killing Dean!" He dragged up the hunters sleeves to show Sam the open welts covering his arms.
"I knew it!" Sam kicked the wall angrily. "He said he was fine but I knew something was up."
"They're all over his body," Castiel informed him. "Finish the ritual, Sam."
"Don't!" Dean barely managed to get the word out.
"Dean..." Sam looked completely miserable. "Cas, how long does Dean have?"
"A couple of days at best. Sam, finish this!"
Dean could see the horror in his brother's eyes. He knew Sam cared about Cas, but he wouldn't save the angel by letting his brother die. He added the blood to the mixture and the pain doubled.
"I'm so sorry, Cas." Sam reached for the next ingredient.
Panic bloomed in Dean's belly, even more potent than the pain. He couldn't let this happen. It took everything he had, but he managed to pull himself away from the bowl one more time. His legs gave way, and he collapsed to the ground, his head pumping against a plastic bin. With his hunter's instinct, he realized it was a sharps jar, chock-full of potential weapons. Seizing the opportunity, he wrenched off the lid and pulled out a used syringe.
He'd never have been able to do it if Castiel had been at full strength, but the ritual was having an even harder effect on the angel than it was on him. Forcing back Cas' control, he primed the needle and held it to his own jugular.
"Stop it, Sam! Pour it out!"
"Dean, what the hell are you doing?" He'd never heard Sam sound so furious.
"Air bubble in the blood stream. Immediate death." Dean hated threatening his brother, but this was the only tool he had. "He dies, I'm going with him."
"Cas?" Sam appealed to the angel. "Cas, can you-"
"I've got him reined in. I’ll do it, Sam; I mean it!" It was taking all of Dean's strength to keep the needle at his throat but Sam didn't need to know that. "Sammy, what would you do if it was Sarah?"
Something flashed in Sam's eyes then and Dean knew he understood. Still, his brother shook his head. "If you had to choose between me and Sarah, what would you do?"
Dean waved the needle at his brother and then - fighting Castiel the whole way - returned it to his own neck. "You don't have to make that choice. I'll honestly do it Sam."
Swearing loudly, Sam blew out the flame and overturned the bowl. The mixture sloshed onto the floor, wasted. Dean followed after it, his knees giving out as everything went black.
***
He woke up swaddled in blankets in Bobby's master bedroom. Fuck, he ached.
Cas?, he thought desperately. You still here?
I'm here. The sorrow in the voice made his eyes sting.
Where are the others?
Doing research. They're trying to find another way, but I think even they know that there isn't one. Dean, you really shouldn't have-
Yeah, I should. I'm not going to let you die, Cas; there's no way.
But I have to let you die?
Believe it or not, that's the lesser of two evils to me.
There was a long sigh in his head. I do understand that.
Dean yearned to give his lover a kiss. So... how long do you figure I have?
Today. Tonight. Possibly tomorrow.
That little, huh? And what happens to me after that?
I wish I knew.
What happens to you?
Wherever you go, I will follow.
In spite of the seriousness of the situation, Dean couldn't help but smile. Until death do we part, my ass. Sam and Sarah are lightweights compared to us, huh?
He felt Castiel's amusement. May I make love to you, Dean?
Jeez, Dean wished that were possible. I don't really think I'm up for rubbing one out right now.
That won't be necessary. Just lie still.
As if he had a choice. But he shut his eyes and waited to see what Castiel had in mind.
The first sensations took him by surprise. There were gentle flutterings in his consciousness, familiar and strange at the same time. Cas?
Trust me.
The fluttering sensation spread into little pockets of pleasure like tightly furled buds opening up. Moments of joy that Dean had long forgotten spilled through his mind in a rush of memory.
The thrill of riding his first bike down a steep hill and hearing the tires whoosh against the sun-baked pavement.
A snowball sailing in a perfect arc towards its intended target, more snow crunching under his ducky-faced boots.
Beers and steaks on the deck with Bobby after an entirely successful hunt, the older man laughing and ruffling his hair.
Sam laughing openly, head thrown back and teeth exposed in a rare, carefree moment.
Joy flooded through him, curling his toes with the sheer, pure pleasure. And in the center of it all was Cas, his happiness blending seamlessly with Dean's.
The simple, perfect beauty of the Garden of Eden at the end of the sixth day.
Music, the first time it was ever played, and the discovery of exactly what hearing is for.
Being chosen, over so many stronger, more experienced angels, to be the one to retrieve Dean Winchester.
Flexing the fingers of the first body he'd had in thousands of years and feeling an unfamiliar thrill that he wouldn't recognize as excitement until much later.
The first time they kissed, said they loved each other, knew it was for real.
It just kept spiraling up and up, and Dean was thrilled to be swept along with it. When the sensations finally ebbed away, Dean didn't grieve. He just lay back, awed by what he'd felt.
That's what it's like for me. Castiel's voice was softer than Dean would have believed was possible. Every time we have sex, that's what I feel. I know it always frustrated you that it was so unimportant to me that I have orgasms. But Dean, you have given me so much pleasure.
I guess it doesn't matter, really. In the end, they're just bodies.
That is true. Nonetheless, I wish so much I could hold you right now.
Dean wanted that too. But all he could do was wrap his arms around his own chest and try to hang on to the happiness he’d just remembered he had.
***
Sam appeared at the door shortly after, carrying a tray with a cheeseburger, a thick wedge of pie and a creamy-headed beer. His brother must really be worried, Dean realized, if he was going to condone Dean eating that.
"Do you think you can eat?" Sam hovered in the doorway like he was afraid he might be disturbing Dean's beauty sleep. "I figured it would help to keep your strength up."
"Couldn't hurt." Dean spoke out loud for the first time since the hospital and felt the scabs in his face crack and bead. He hadn't been nearly this bad the day before; wrestling Cas for control must have really done a number on him. "Fuck. Don't bring me a mirror, okay? I wanna die thinking I'm still gorgeous."
"Here." Sam pulled out a jar of greenish paste and smeared some on Dean's face. "It won't heal them, but it should stop the bleeding and do a bit for the pain."
Dean made a face. "This stuff smells like come, Sam. I thought you were researching, not playing with yourself."
"Shut up and eat." Sam helped him sit up and perched on the side of the bed.
Dean took a bite and almost groaned with delight. "You should seriously consider a job preparing last meals. This is awesome."
"Sarah made it."
"Where is she?"
"She and Bobby are still looking through the possibilities. I just... needed a break."
"I'm glad you're here." He finished the burger in four more giant bites. "Tell them to give it a rest, okay? I'd kinda like to hang out with them today."
"They'll find something."
Dean reached over and pinched his brother's cheeks. "You're such a bright-eyed little optimist."
"Fuck off." Sam pulled Dean's hand away from his face, but kept it clutched in his own. "Jerk."
"Bitch." Dean started on the pie.
"Dean..." Sam's tone had changed and Dean knew what was coming. "Listen to me."
"I've been thinking about Steel Magnolias."
Sam blinked. "Okay dude, I know you're gay and all but there's a time and a place for Sally Fields and this isn't it."
"No, seriously. You know that scene where’s Shelby dying and everyone's all gathered around her bed crying for about nine hours? And then she finally kicks it, and they all cry more and more and then I throw up? Let's so not do that, okay? Please."
"Fair enough." Sam stroked the hand he was holding. "When did you watch Steel Magnolias?"
"Believe it or not, it's Cas' favorite movie."
"Honestly?" Sam laughed. "Not The Ten Commandments or something?"
"Nope, but he also likes Twilight."
They are highly enjoyable movies! Dean could almost hear Cas blushing.
Quiet, you. I'm talking.
"All right, no dramatic mourning scene." Sam fussed with the blankets. "Anything you want to do instead?"
"Kick some demon ass! Get me a wheelchair with a built-in salt thrower."
Sam laughed. "Hell's not even going to want you anymore. You're too much of a pain in the ass."
"All part of the plan." He sighed. "It's just such a stupid way to die. I mean, all the time I spent wanting Cas to be around more, even praying that something would happen and he'd have come back to stay, and then I die because I can't get rid of him? Full marks for irony, huh?”
WHAT?
The voice in Dean's head was so loud he clapped his hands over his ears. It didn't help.
Prayer? You PRAYED for this? The angel took control of Dean's voice. "Sam, are you listening? He prayed for this."
"I didn't mean it for it to be like this," Dean objected, but neither of them were listening to him at this point.
"Cas, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sam sounded hopeful for the first time since he came in.
"Exactly. Your research - you've been looking at curses and spells, correct? Things witches or demons could have done to make this happen?"
"Yeah. Or failing that, something that might have gone wrong with your possession of your own vessel that forced you into Dean. But that's not the problem at all, is it?"
"Guys?" Dean cut in. "Anyone want to share the diagnosis with the patient?"
Sam was on his feet and pacing. "If we're right, someone either highly bitter or extremely incompetent has answered your prayers. And we need to find them and get them to undo it. I'm going to summon Crowley. Get him to stop knocking demon heads together and find an angel we can trust. Cas, any suggestions?"
"Gabriel. Have him find Gabriel."
"Gabriel, right. Dean, you rest here. No dying until we get this sorted, understand?"
"I'll do my best."
Dean settled back against the pillows, feeling genuinely hopefully. Prayer, of all things. He sent an annoyed thought at Cas. Your family really are a massive bag of dicks, you know that?
The hurt reply came back: Steel Magnolias is a classic.
***
"I'm sorry, bro. I think you're barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, Ezekial and Haemal were getting snarky, but I hauled them in front of the big throne and read them the riot act. Since then, I think they've been trying to stay in the good books. I've even seen them making nice with Jamaerah, that poor creature."
"We really don't have time for Heavenly gossip right now," Sam reminded him. "Can you fix this?"
Gabriel shook his head. "Whoever did this, they're the ones that have to make it right."
Dean rubbed at his burning eyes. He'd known it was stupid to get his hopes up, but he'd really thought they were onto something. Bobby stared at the ground in disappointment and Dean could tell Sam was seconds away from tears.
"Wait a minute." Sarah spoke up. "What was that name?"
"What, Jamaerah?"
"Who's she?"
"She's officially the Angel of manifestation. You know, she creates space for people's dreams to become reality." Gabriel explained. "But she's a bit... scatty. You know how dreams don't usually come true? And when they do, they're usually way more crap than you thought they were gonna be? Yeah, that's why."
Sam stared at his wife. "Sarah? Do you really think?"
She nodded. "Excuse me. I need to make a telephone call."
***
The holy oil had already been laid down when Sarah's maid of honour came bouncing through the door. "This was such a good idea! I'm so up for a Queer as Fok marathon" Her smile wilted when Sam threw down the match. "Sar? What's up?"
"Listen to me, Jamaerah." Dean's sister-in-law spoke slowly and clearly. "This is very, very important. Are you actually the Angel of manifestation?"
The woman's eyes lit up. "I knew it! We're soul-sisters! No one's ever guessed before!" She noticed Dean and her lip curled up in disgust. "Whoa! What happened to you?"
"I'm slowly rotting from within." If he lived through this, he was definitely going to find Sarah some new friends.
"Oh, that's so sad! But where's Castiel? Why isn't he here holding your hand and mopping your brow?" She beamed at Sam. "I fixed it for him, you know? Cas should be totally attached to him now. So where is he?"
"I'm in here." Dean could feel Castiel's fury in every inch of his body. He concentrated on holding Cas back from throttling the other angel. Not that she didn't have it coming, but it was his hands that would get burned in the fire.
"Well, that's your problem!" Jamaerah rolled her eyes. "He's not a suitable vessel for you. Get out of him and get on with the nursing!"
"Thank you; I was aware of that." Dean noted mentally that Castiel's capacity for sarcasm was improving. "Jamaerah, was this Ezekial and Haemal's idea, by any chance?"
"Well... yeah." The other angel knitted her brow. "It was kinda weird, actually. I'd never really talked to those two before, but after I got back from the wedding, suddenly they got all friendly. They asked about you, Dean. I've gotta be honest; I had no idea Cas was your guy, but once I found out I knew I had to help. Then Ham and Zeke showed me your prayer and I knew what to do."
"I'm so going to kill those two." Gabriel promised.
"No," Castiel snarled. "I will kill them. Then I will resurrect them and kill them again. After that, you may do as you like."
"I'm going to want a shot at them too," Dean put in.
"And me," Sam growled.
"Fine, we'll all take turns," Castiel promised. "But first, Jamaerah, can you get me out of here?"
"Sure, sure, no problem. As soon as you put out the fire."
Gabriel doused the flames as Jamaerah knelt in front of Dean. She lifted her hand to his forehead, but paused before she touched him. "Hey boss? After I do this, are you just gonna go back to normal?"
"I certainly hope so."
"No, I mean are going to keep being such a shitty boyfriend? I mean, Dean's a great guy. He's sweet and hot and totally into you. If he were my man, I'd be here all the time."
Well, this was embarrassing. Dean could feel Cas searching for words inside his head. He decided to put the angel out of his misery. "Listen, like I should have told you at Sam's wedding, it's none of your business. I don't care what you think of my love life. I'm a lot more interested in not dying, if that's all right with you. So would you mind?"
Jamaerah sniffed. "Wow, that was kind of rude." She tapped Dean's forehead. "There, done. And you really ought to be nicer to people if you want them to help you."
Dean barely heard her. His relief at the easing pain was tempered by the panic of feeling Cas leave his mind. "Cas?" He looked around frantically. "Where are you?"
"I'm right here." Dean twisted around to see Castiel, wearing his trench coat and a relieved smile, appear by the window. Relief flooded through him as his lover rushed over and folded him into his arms.
"Well, this is nauseating." Gabriel stretched languidly. "Jamaerah, if you wouldn't mind returning to Heaven with us, I'm sure little brother is going to want to take your statement. Castiel, whenever you're ready..."
"You take care of it." Cas refused to take his eyes off Dean's face. "I'm taking a personal day."
"Cas, will you stop hovering?" Dean laughed. "I told you, I'm fine!"
"You are not fine." Castiel was obstinate. "Your sleeping habits have still not returned to their pattern before your ordeal, and I remain concerned about your blood sugar levels."
"My blood sugar levels are high because you keep bringing all my favorite food but you won't let me work any of it off hunting. And as for not sleeping..." He cocked an eyebrow. Cas had been very devoted to making sure Dean enjoyed life.
"I still feel you need care."
"And I know you're needed in Heaven."
"Gabriel is very capable."
"But he's not you. I get it now; it's important that it's you up there. I mean, you take one holiday and a whole conspiracy goes down." Dean stroked Castiel's cheek. "Listen, I've loved having you here. Once we got past the part where it nearly killed me, it was great. But every time Gabe shows up here, you drag him outside like you don't want me to hear the bad news and worry. And that makes me worry more. You've got to go back, don't you?"
"Dean... yes. But I want you to know, I have no intentions of letting things be as they were before. You will remain my first priority; I will take every opportunity to return to you here."
"I believe you."
"And, if you have no objections, I would like to propose something that would allow us to maintain better contact while I'm not able to remain here." The angel stroked Dean's temple. "I would like to leave a piece of my consciousness here."
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Dude, didn't we already do this? The whole stomach churning, skin flaking, various fluids ooziing bit. It was no fun the first time around."
"I do remember. I am certainly never going to inhabit your body willingly again. What I am talking about is simply leaving a shred of my grace in your mind. It would allow us to be aware of each other, even when I must be away from you."
Dean swallowed hard. What the angel was suggesting sounded pretty major. A little part of someone else, with him all the time? Was he ready for that with Castiel?
Then again, if not now then when? If not with Cas, then who? Never and no one.
"I'm not going to start falling apart again?"
"I believe there is absolutely no risk. And it will not affect my own abilities. If it does any harm to you, I will end the connection."
Dean swallowed hard. "All right then. Go."
"You're certain?"
"Cas - do it."
He waited for the pain he remembered, the sickening feeling of his body trying to shuck something from the inside. It didn't come. First, he felt nothing at all. Then there was warmth.
"Is that it?"
"No." Castiel kissed him gently on the forehead, and Dean's eyes widened in surprise. He felt, for the first time, utterly and totally aware.
Cas loved him. He loved Dean enough to attempt what has never been done. A lone angel was trying to marshal the forces of Heaven and change what hasn't changed since Lucifer fell. All because he loved humanity, and he loved it through Dean. Dean drank that in and sent his own love back. Castiel shivered at the power of it, and Dean felt worthy.
He had no idea how long they stood there, but when Cas whispered that he should go, Dean only nodded. "I'll see you soon."
In the next moment, Castiel was gone. Dean breathed deeply and then reached for his gun. He had been itching to hunt for ages now. He called for Sam, smiling at the voice whispering in his mind.
Very soon.