All We'd Ever Need [Morgan/Reid]
Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me
I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me
Spencer rose slowly from the bed after another sleepless night. Tugging at the shirt he wore, Derek’s shirt, he glanced at the photograph next to his bed sighing before rising to start a new day. Maybe today would be the day that things would stop hurting, that the pain would not be there anymore. Looking at himself in the mirror, his hair disheveled and the dark circles under his eyes even more prominent.
Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say
I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need
Shaking his head he turned away from the mirror before he could see the single tear run down his face. Today wasn’t that day. Climbing into his shower the warm water mixed with the tears that continued to fall down his face. It had been three weeks, three long agonizing weeks, since he had packed up Derek’s stuff leaving it in the front room of his place. It had gone on too long; he kept telling himself, there wasn’t a future to be had between the two of them. Spencer was sick of hiding and Derek wasn’t ready to quit. And yet when Spencer had handed over the box of stuff, shoving it into Derek’s arms, the words he had longed to hear, the words he kept telling himself to talk him out of doing what he was, never came. Instead he watched as Derek turned around and walked out the door without a word.
My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me
“Mhmm, I know. I can’t wait either. Yeah, that’s fine. See you tonight.” Derek hung up his phone as he strolled into the bullpen. Dropping the phone onto his desk he reached for his coffee mug when a voice broke his thoughts.
“Hot date tonight? Bout time you got over what’s her name.” Emily. Sitting there smiling at him, he knew she had heard the end of his conversation. Derek paused for a second, trying to find the right words to say. A flash of something in the corner of his eye caught his attention as he saw Spencer hovering grabbing his own mug of the desk.
Turning his attention back to Emily he flashed his trademark smile before answering, “Second date. Met her at a club last week and we ended up back at my place. Couldn’t keep my hands off her.” As Emily let out a whistle Spencer went rushing pass mumbling something. The look on Spencer’s face that Derek barely managed to see before the young genesis took off was enough to tell him that Spencer had in fact hear Derek. Inside Derek was breaking but he continued to flash a smile at Emily, “Now if you excuse me.” He headed for the kitchenette but stopped seeing Spencer adding cream and sugar to his coffee and instead turning his direction toward Garcia’s office, empty mug still in hand.
And I've kept all the words you said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me
Derek shut the door behind him leaning against it as he closed his eyes. He had been putting off that appointment for weeks now and the feeling he was feeling now was reason enough for knowing why he did. Emotionally drained, he wasn’t sure how in an hour that therapist had managed to exhaust him more than a day spent chasing down an unsub did. Pushing off from the door Derek headed into his bedroom. Dropping onto the bed face first he buried his head into his pillow. The hand hanging off the bed hit something underneath and Derek reached for it. Grasping the notebook he pulled it up to his face sighing. Spencer’s notebook.
But if you're happy I'll get through somehow
But the truth is that I've been screaming out
He had lied to Emily that morning lied for the pure fact that Spencer was right there. But maybe more so he had been lying to himself. Spencer didn’t seem to be letting on that he had been upset by what had taken place that night three weeks ago. In fact he had seemed more sure of himself than Derek had seen him in a long time. So if Spencer had been fine with the breakup Derek should be too. That was part of the reason he hadn’t put up a fight with what Spencer was telling him that night. He didn’t think anything would have made a difference in Spencer’s mind, Spencer had most likely gone over every reason for why they should still be together and if he was still shoving the box of Derek’s belonging at him then none of those reasons must have been good enough.
I should've been chasing you
You should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
Oh you should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe you could've made me believe
That what we had girl
Oh that what we had, what we had
It was all we'd ever need
It was all we'd ever need
Derek found himself outside of Spencer’s apartment that night. Staring at the door he longed to tell the man on the other side he was in love with him. Longed to go back to that night when Spencer handed over the box and instead of walking away put up a fight, Shown Spencer how good the two of them could have been, how they were what the other needed. Now standing here in front of the door Derek couldn’t find it in him to just knock, to see how Spencer was doing. Resting his hand flat against the door he sighed closing his eyes as tears threatened to fall. Taking a deep breath he moved away from that door, apartment 318, and with every step his heart broke more and more.
Inside apartment 318 Spencer was sitting on his couch, a blanket around him as his arms were wrapped around himself. In front of him on the coffee table sat that picture from his nightstand. The only one of the two of them he hadn’t been able to destroy. He longed to go back to that day when it had been taken. Any day would have been better than today. Glancing up at the clock he knew Derek was out on that date. Closing his eyes he fought to keep from picturing Derek and his date. A tear rolled down his cheek before he could bat it away. The sound of something on his door drove him away from the thought of Derek on that date. Could it be? Cautiously he moved toward the door not hearing the noise again. A quick peek through the peephole yielded no results. Spencer pulled open the door stepping out into the hallway as he glanced either way to see what could have made the noise. The only thing he was rewarded with was the sight of the door to the stairwell at the end of his hall closing. He sighed resting his head against his door, he had really believed for a second maybe Derek had been there, that he had realized that girl wasn’t for him but Spencer was. Shaking his head Spencer headed back into the apartment more dejected than he had been. It really was over.
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me
I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me
Spencer rose slowly from the bed after another sleepless night. Tugging at the shirt he wore, Derek’s shirt, he glanced at the photograph next to his bed sighing before rising to start a new day. Maybe today would be the day that things would stop hurting, that the pain would not be there anymore. Looking at himself in the mirror, his hair disheveled and the dark circles under his eyes even more prominent.
Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say
I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need
Shaking his head he turned away from the mirror before he could see the single tear run down his face. Today wasn’t that day. Climbing into his shower the warm water mixed with the tears that continued to fall down his face. It had been three weeks, three long agonizing weeks, since he had packed up Derek’s stuff leaving it in the front room of his place. It had gone on too long; he kept telling himself, there wasn’t a future to be had between the two of them. Spencer was sick of hiding and Derek wasn’t ready to quit. And yet when Spencer had handed over the box of stuff, shoving it into Derek’s arms, the words he had longed to hear, the words he kept telling himself to talk him out of doing what he was, never came. Instead he watched as Derek turned around and walked out the door without a word.
My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me
“Mhmm, I know. I can’t wait either. Yeah, that’s fine. See you tonight.” Derek hung up his phone as he strolled into the bullpen. Dropping the phone onto his desk he reached for his coffee mug when a voice broke his thoughts.
“Hot date tonight? Bout time you got over what’s her name.” Emily. Sitting there smiling at him, he knew she had heard the end of his conversation. Derek paused for a second, trying to find the right words to say. A flash of something in the corner of his eye caught his attention as he saw Spencer hovering grabbing his own mug of the desk.
Turning his attention back to Emily he flashed his trademark smile before answering, “Second date. Met her at a club last week and we ended up back at my place. Couldn’t keep my hands off her.” As Emily let out a whistle Spencer went rushing pass mumbling something. The look on Spencer’s face that Derek barely managed to see before the young genesis took off was enough to tell him that Spencer had in fact hear Derek. Inside Derek was breaking but he continued to flash a smile at Emily, “Now if you excuse me.” He headed for the kitchenette but stopped seeing Spencer adding cream and sugar to his coffee and instead turning his direction toward Garcia’s office, empty mug still in hand.
And I've kept all the words you said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me
Derek shut the door behind him leaning against it as he closed his eyes. He had been putting off that appointment for weeks now and the feeling he was feeling now was reason enough for knowing why he did. Emotionally drained, he wasn’t sure how in an hour that therapist had managed to exhaust him more than a day spent chasing down an unsub did. Pushing off from the door Derek headed into his bedroom. Dropping onto the bed face first he buried his head into his pillow. The hand hanging off the bed hit something underneath and Derek reached for it. Grasping the notebook he pulled it up to his face sighing. Spencer’s notebook.
But if you're happy I'll get through somehow
But the truth is that I've been screaming out
He had lied to Emily that morning lied for the pure fact that Spencer was right there. But maybe more so he had been lying to himself. Spencer didn’t seem to be letting on that he had been upset by what had taken place that night three weeks ago. In fact he had seemed more sure of himself than Derek had seen him in a long time. So if Spencer had been fine with the breakup Derek should be too. That was part of the reason he hadn’t put up a fight with what Spencer was telling him that night. He didn’t think anything would have made a difference in Spencer’s mind, Spencer had most likely gone over every reason for why they should still be together and if he was still shoving the box of Derek’s belonging at him then none of those reasons must have been good enough.
I should've been chasing you
You should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
Oh you should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe you could've made me believe
That what we had girl
Oh that what we had, what we had
It was all we'd ever need
It was all we'd ever need
Derek found himself outside of Spencer’s apartment that night. Staring at the door he longed to tell the man on the other side he was in love with him. Longed to go back to that night when Spencer handed over the box and instead of walking away put up a fight, Shown Spencer how good the two of them could have been, how they were what the other needed. Now standing here in front of the door Derek couldn’t find it in him to just knock, to see how Spencer was doing. Resting his hand flat against the door he sighed closing his eyes as tears threatened to fall. Taking a deep breath he moved away from that door, apartment 318, and with every step his heart broke more and more.
Inside apartment 318 Spencer was sitting on his couch, a blanket around him as his arms were wrapped around himself. In front of him on the coffee table sat that picture from his nightstand. The only one of the two of them he hadn’t been able to destroy. He longed to go back to that day when it had been taken. Any day would have been better than today. Glancing up at the clock he knew Derek was out on that date. Closing his eyes he fought to keep from picturing Derek and his date. A tear rolled down his cheek before he could bat it away. The sound of something on his door drove him away from the thought of Derek on that date. Could it be? Cautiously he moved toward the door not hearing the noise again. A quick peek through the peephole yielded no results. Spencer pulled open the door stepping out into the hallway as he glanced either way to see what could have made the noise. The only thing he was rewarded with was the sight of the door to the stairwell at the end of his hall closing. He sighed resting his head against his door, he had really believed for a second maybe Derek had been there, that he had realized that girl wasn’t for him but Spencer was. Shaking his head Spencer headed back into the apartment more dejected than he had been. It really was over.