Comments | thewrite_place: Prompt Set 5: Fun

with_2ls in thewrite_place

Prompt Set 5: Fun

Apr 02, 2009 10:19

( “What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”)
-Dave Barry

Maj. General Jack O'Neill
Stargate SG-1
366

[concrit] yes please!, [stargate: sg-1] jack o'neill

Comments 3

Concrit, hope you don't mind... mabofwinterdark April 3 2009, 05:52:23 UTC

Your Jack is one of the ones that really always sounds like Jack O'Neill to me. Discussing his use of humor to cope with the situations he goes through shows a really nice understanding of his psychology. It was hard for me to really find anything I'd suggest you work on. What I would say is that the ending of the first paragraph felt a little bit abrupt, like there was a little more to say to transition more smoothly to the next thought. It would have been nice to get a little bit of why he would be bitter in his own personal life, but was wrapped up really well in the comparison of the positive he preferred to the negative aspects of the reality he is all too aware of.

Anyway, hopeful that's a help.

Re: Concrit, hope you don't mind... with_2ls April 3 2009, 12:13:12 UTC

I was working on this during class when I should of been taking notes, so it'll all very rough. It's also rough because Jack went quiet when a really bad Jack muse showed up so I was trying to use this to wake him up and get him going again. He might smooth out again when I get his ass more active. I'm glad it sounds like Jack though. I was unsure because he's been quiet for so long.

Thanks!

Re: Concrit, hope you don't mind... mabofwinterdark April 3 2009, 20:44:42 UTC

You're really welcome, and I completely understand about rough. Most of what I send out there is. And I look forward to it. There've been a few Jacks about that make me cringe so a more active well written muse is very much enjoyed.