SCI -- Open Topic, Week 2

Feb 22, 2016 20:25

You weren’t exactly sure how it happened ( Read more... )

lji: second chance, literary nonfiction, trigger: domestic abuse, trigger: suicide

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Comments 23

favoritebean February 23 2016, 02:11:20 UTC
I had no idea that happened on the big day. I'm so sorry. Part of me thinks it's a tactic used to garner sympathy for her, but that's because I've known some abusers very capable of this kind of crap.

Gravitating to some sort of normalcy seems like the best bet. Good call.

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theun4givables February 23 2016, 02:15:36 UTC
The events of this post are something like a year old, now. We were summoned into court because she hadn't completed one of the requirements of the PFA within the allotted time. I didn't have to go, apparently -- as I found out later.

Thing is, she has a history of depression and suicidal ideation so I wasn't -- surprised? But it still caught me off guard, because she always claimed she would be so much ~happier~ and better off without me, and I always felt responsible for her and her happiness. And leaving was MY decision, not hers, even if ending the relationship wasn't mine.

It helped me to at least get my head on straighter. I don't know how much it helped me in the long run. I know I brought it up to Dr. A while I was in therapy -- why did I get that fucking upset I can't stand her etc. So that helped, too. But it was rough, the first bit after that court date.

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dmousey February 23 2016, 02:32:32 UTC
It was never your fault be`be` … I loves you. Lots and lots.

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theun4givables February 23 2016, 02:44:37 UTC
I know it wasn't. Even then I knew it wasn't.

Still hard to break the initial thought, though.

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murielle February 24 2016, 01:14:22 UTC
I am so glad I read the comments first. This is true, it happened to you. I can't even imagine what you went through to get to this point in time. I'm not going to make this less in any way by trying to relate, or comfort. I don't know you that well, and have never experienced what you did, but I can tell you this is one powerful account of your reactions and thoughts, that left me feeling for the protagonist (you) profoundly. I am not surprised by how very well it is written, or that you drew me in immediately because that's what I have learned to expect from your work. And this did not disappoint or leave me wanting in any sense at all.

Bravo! Bravo!

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theun4givables February 24 2016, 01:45:54 UTC
Thank you. :) This was a moment I hadn't realized I needed to put down on paper until I was tossing ideas back and forth with my best friend n3m3sis43. I kind of got stuck on it.

I hadn't realized that the events above happened little over a year ago until I started writing this. Things are... improved? idk. My mental health is a thousand times better, not spending every waking moment in the same space as her. I have no idea about hers. I haven't asked. I have no intention to ask.

I'm glad that it all comes through for someone who isn't familiar with my own story, though. <3

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kathrynrose February 24 2016, 02:02:48 UTC
This was very raw, and took a lot of courage to put out there.

::hugs::

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theun4givables February 24 2016, 02:06:19 UTC
*hugs back* Thanks. It's hard to admit it had that much of an effect on me. Part of me still feels like I shouldn't have reacted at all, but.. idk. It felt good to share, in a way.

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uselesstinrelic February 24 2016, 02:46:45 UTC
I'm new to this group but I love the really supportive vibe. It's no wonder you felt welcome to share something so personal. Best to you!

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theun4givables February 24 2016, 02:48:40 UTC
Idol is a great community. :) I've stuck around for years for a reason, y'know? Sharing the personal is hard but Idol is kind of my therapy, in a way. They've been with me through the end of my marriage and kept me sane. <3

Thanks! Good luck to you, too. <3

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uselesstinrelic February 24 2016, 03:42:19 UTC
That's really cool. That stuff is tough, sorry. I didn't have very much support during mine. Maybe I should have been hanging out here! XD <3

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