LJ Idol Season 9, Week 29: Gauntlet

[theun4givables]

Li approached the small, desolate island, chest bubbling just as the water did underneath his nose. The water filled his lungs; his legs had long since fused together in a long, fish-like tail, propelling him forward as he swam towards the tiny patch of land. Its jagged cliff-side faced him, an old, withered tree standing at the edge of it, its

Comments

[witches]

wow, this was amazing!

[theun4givables]

Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it. :)

[fodschwazzle]

Not gonna lie, was hoping the revenge would be directed at Jordine. In a way, there is a sense of that. It seems that Li would have a hard time directly injuring Jordine without dying himself. At least he's sending a message. This one has a good feel of emotion conveyed through actions.

[theun4givables]

He works up to that level of revenge. ;) He has to be indirect about it, though. She has a level of control he can't quite break -- especially not at this point in the story. However, going for their mother (who Jordine respected and looked up to) is definitely the first step he takes towards achieving his lofty goal of killing Jordine.

It's just that he's gotta whittle her down, slowly. Especially since I think his real goal is getting her to do the dirty work for him. I don't think he particularly likes killing. :)

Thank you! I was trying to work on a couple of things in this piece, especially emotion without stating them outright. So I'm glad that worked. :D

[i_17bingo]

I have a terrible relationship withy estranged sister, but I don't feel so bad about it now.

...that prints were found all over the small, one-family home. In blood. On the knife. On his son’s skin. His toys.

This is one of the most powerful ways of expressing the level of horror, the amount of loss, and the sheer anger of this event--all in a few lines. Wow.

Almost as much of a bunch in the gut as that ending. Almost.

[theun4givables]

Yeah, Li and Jordine's sibling "relationship" is just... yeah. xD

Awww, thank you! I'm glad that those few lines hit so hard.

<3 I wanted that ending to hit hard, too, so I'm glad it did. :)

Thank you for commenting. :D

[tsuki_no_bara]

i really really liked this. it's very vivid and tense.

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :) "Very vivid" is what I wanted to hear. :D

[bleodswean]

The ending was satisfying, a relief to the reader as well as to Li. Great job with building towards that inevitability!

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :) I thought for a moment he'd force her to hang herself -- but that was from a very old draft. Apparently, Li decided to be more direct, this time. ;)