LJ Idol Season 9, Week 28: The Copernican Principle

[theun4givables]

Li stood at the threshold of his home, his long, thin nose wrinkling at the scent of iron filling the air. His heart thumped erratically against his ribs, his mouth going dry at the eerie stillness of the living room. Toys were scattered all over the floor, blocks lined in a row, just like Timmy would have done, except --

Comments

[jexia]

$@#&*%(@#$ so good.

[theun4givables]

:D :D :D

Thanks. <3

[n3m3sis42]

I love this creepy bitch. Really, really glad you decided to go with this instead of nonfiction this week. I'm still amused that your story decided to protagonist-jump on you, but this is a really awesome, tight piece and I'm kinda jelly. XD

It's unfortunate that I have forever ruined knife-throwing for myself, but you executed that bit so much more skillfully than I was able to do. I definitely envy your ability to write actions and motion fluidly.

<3 <3 <3

Now give me an amazing last-minute idea.

[theun4givables]

I'm glad you accidentally planted this idea in my head with like, one sentence. xD The nonfiction just isn't working for me anymore, y'know? lol And yeah, I'm amused that I protagonist jumped, too, but, well... I guess this is why we're friends. xD

Thank you. <3 You have nothing to be jealous of, though. =p

And I don't think I executed it any better, it's just that these two characters lend to a more serious tone than Calla and Devin. ;) And god, you SHOULDN'T envy that, because I sometimes think I overdo the actions. xD

<3 <3 <3

Tryinggggg. :D

[tonithegreat]

Nice! This was gripping. I want to know more.

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :) And you and me both, hah. I've had these two for a long time but their story apparently is changing quite a bit. (I didn't expect Jordine to be so erm, willing to feel up her brother, hah).

[i_17bingo]

Well that was uncalled for!

You did an excellent job of communicating Li's desperation here; as well as his escalating sense of horror--he knew what had happened, but he put off believing it as long as possible.

[theun4givables]

Agreed! Jordine apparently disagrees with us both, however. ;)

Thank you. :) I was stretching myself a bit; I haven't written something like this in quite a while.

[swirlsofblue]

The sense of foreboding is built absolutely brilliantly and beautifully here, I especially adore the evocative nature of the first paragraph as well as it's superb imagery.

Love that twist of him being a water-person and it being his sister dragging him back. Love the portrayal of her darkness, very creepy and magnificent, love that interpretation of her wanting to make herself his world by killing all those in her path, stunning.

[theun4givables]

Thank you! I am trying to get a handle of imagery; it's been a weakness of mine for a long time. :)

Thank you. <3 <3 <3 I love Jordine, and she always had this really creepy streak, but I hadn't explored it in so long... So I'm glad that all of these things worked for you. :)