LJ Idol Season 9, Week 25: A man of shibusa modestly exhalts excellence and thoroughness of thought.

[theun4givables]

Takahashi is forced to sit in a dark, desolate room. The chair he rests his laurels on is metal, uncomfortable and cold; its legs are uneven, causing him to teeter to the right. The air is stale and musty, sticking to the back of his throat as he eyes his interrogator. He does his best to keep his expression unreadable.

Comments

[medleymisty]

Oooh, interesting. Very evocative setting.

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :)

[bleodswean]

So much detail - you really clearly painted this scene with words! I've never seen this and I'm really impressed by it - as she purses naked lips together. A perfect character summation in a single visual.

[theun4givables]

This is probably one of my favorite comments I've ever received, and I'll tell you why:

Painting a scene and I are not friends. I am not a descriptive writer -- I can be very sparse with detail. Thing is, for this piece, I really tried to get inside Takahashi's head, and use the words he would use; notice the details he would notice. Like one would do in first person, but still with the distance of third.

This was quite an exercise for me, and I like the result. And I'm glad it impressed someone -- that I could come up with a single visual that summarized a character like Amanda so well. :)

So thank you. <3

[dmousey]

You make me proud kid! I was also impressed by the descriptive tone and your dialogue was wonderful also.

Oh and your interrogation scene reminded me of L&O, the ones with Katherine Erbe and Vincent DiNaphrio(sp?).

<3 <3 <3

[theun4givables]

Yay! :) Dialogue and I are bffs. Dialogue is my strong suit, and I know it. ;)

YES! That's precisely what I wanted! To remind people of L&O! Doesn't matter which one, as long as people were reminded of it. I have done my job. :D

(Thanks <3)

[eternal_ot]

Ah! My kinda genre..the one I love reading..so really enjoyed it..Nice set up and well written! Way to go with fiction..:D

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :) My brain's been itching to go the fiction route but it's been hard steering it away from the real life stuff, if only for a moment.

[halfshellvenus]

I liked how this seemed to be almost the anti-prompt, in that the tap-tap-tapping of that pencil slowly unhinged Takahashi until he was not as careful as he should have been.

[theun4givables]

The actual idea behind this post was, "Character who THINKS he's a man of shibusa but isn't." So it coming across as the anti-prompt is of no surprise, to me. ;)

I sometimes let characters tell me that they're the prompt and go from there -- and well, Takahashi wasn't exactly right about himself, hah. (Nothing about him is "modest," either, for example).

Thanks for reading/commenting. :)

[rayaso]

Nicely done! I enjoyed how the crime itself is revealed by the questions, and that a man who felt protected by words was brought down by a simple fact.

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :) I'm glad that you enjoyed how things were revealed! :D