Gray Morning Rewrite -- Chapter 1

[theun4givables]

So uh... my plan to wait to do this until Camp NaNo? Yeah, totally ain't happening now. For those of you who were around during my first run-through of Gray Morning might remember this. The vast majority of this is written from scratch, except towards the end. I lifted a lot of that dialogue word-for-word, but still altered the descriptions as I

Comments

[theun4givables]

Dude you don't even know how many times I messaged Sarah going WHY CAN'T THEY STAY LIKE THIS??? WHY??? CAN'T?? THEY?? STAY?? LIKE?? THIS??

I mean seriously, I even dedicated a facebook post to how much this is going to hurt me.

I was thinking it might be two but I did some soul searching and realized that GM was really the only one that was ever meant to be its own full-fledged book. I never had a solid plot that felt "good" to me for a book that takes place before this one and if I were to do another book, I think it'd have to be a sequel to this one. If that is even remotely possible.

[n3m3sis43]

It is going to hurt. I'm pre-emptively sad already. Their dynamic came through really well in this chapter. And I should say more stuff here but I already messaged you with most of it and my kid's lying down with his head halfway on my keyboard, so um. Bbbbbbbsssssss.

Oh, and I will note to two crit-like things I mentioned for future reference:
- loved the transition between the two sections
- found the reference to Hajime as Savin's "dad" in a Savin POV kinda... you know, jarring
- lololol the begging (okay, that wasn't really crit)

[theun4givables]

<3 I know, I don't like hurting my bbs either but damnit, they're gonna have to hurt if there's gonna be a book.

The transition is honestly one of my favorite things about this chapter.

Already changed it in the master doc that Savin says "father" instead of "dad," because yeah.

And lololol they couldn't help it I swear.

[alien_writings]

They were so happy! Happy and functional! Happy with each other! Without drama! ...until the ending section, anyway. Poor Savin. ;_;

I think this part did a good job setting up their characters, and I couldn't help wondering if Jazz's line about the paparazzi only caring about him if he were cheating on Savin was foreshadowing, given what I know about your story.

Having an illustration of Jazz and Savin as a functional couple is a good idea, partly because it will give readers a reason to feel bad when they fall apart, instead of just thinking "break up, already!" or something like that.

[theun4givables]

I know! I KNOW. I don't know how to handle this it hurts so much knowing I'm just gonna rip these two bastards apart they were so cute why??? Also, that was drama that they were facing TOGETHER not letting it rip them apart ughhhhhh.

The line is more or less unintentional (which is my best kind of) foreshadowing. And yes, I want this to set up their characters well and their relationship well because otherwise why would anyone care? Because exactly -- I don't want readers thinking "Just break up already!" while reading this. I want them to be just as sad as I am writing this, damnit.