Stellar - Jasmine's Story (Chapter 10)
If you are reading Stellar for the first time, here are the previous chapters:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
Jasmine sat at her desk, fingers threaded through her hair as her nails dug into her scalp. No matter how she crunched the numbers -- no matter how much she rearranged the bills, she knew there was no way. No way would she be able to get out of debt. No way of providing food for herself, her child.
She needed to short sell the house. Foreclosure stood just right around the corner; so did bankruptcy. Her stomach twisted, coiling itself into a tight knotted ball. Her daughter was sick, too. Not just with a simple cold, either. Test after test, doctor visit after doctor visit, it looked more and more like cancer.
Her little girl. Her baby girl, dying of cancer and no money to her name to get her the treatment she needed. The treatment that might save her little girl’s life. Tears stung at her eyes, one of her hands pulling away from her head and hovering over the phone she was never without.
Her business had failed. Her husband had left her. Her family didn’t speak to her. She couldn’t take out anymore loans. Couldn’t get help from anyone except herself. Instead of picking up her phone, her hand wrapped around a pen.
Papers were strewn about before her. Bills, some she hadn’t paid in months. Others, she’d worked out a deal -- gave them just enough money to keep the electricity on and a roof over her daughter’s head. Food in her daughter’s stomach. The knot in Jasmine’s stomach eased at that moment, as if to remind her that it hadn’t been full in at least a week.
The pen flew over a few pieces of paper, jotting down her signature without her mind’s consent. Tears welled up in her eyes. She could call her father. The man had more than enough money to help. Maybe he could spare her a few thousand, to help her keep afloat. To keep his granddaughter alive until her next birthday.
While the thought had crossed her mind, her hand never once picked up the phone. It sat on the corner of her desk, collecting additional dust.
She’d find a way out of this, and she’d do it alone. She had to.
***
“Mommy, can I go to Jessica’s birthday party?”
Jasmine looked up from her phone, frowning slightly to herself. Her daughter, Ashley, stood before her, a hopeful look on her face. Her big brown eyes were focused entirely on Jasmine, causing Jasmine’s stomach to twist. “When’s the party, honey?” she asked, putting her phone away. The job application could wait for a few more minutes.
“On Saturday!” Ashley chirped, climbing into her mother’s lap. “It’s at Chuckie Cheese, and --”
Jasmine’s stomach sank to the floor. They’d have to buy Jessica a birthday present. She’d have to drive Ashley to the party, likely remain there with her daughter -- not to mention money she’d likely have to spend on tokens. Ashley seemed to sense her mother’s dismay, her lips twisting into a frown. “I can’t go, can I, Mommy?” she asked, her bottom lip shaking.
Tears welled up in Jasmine’s eyes and her stomach twisted with guilt. “I’m sorry, Ashley,” she said, shaking her head. She brushed Ashley’s long chestnut hair behind her ear. “Mommy can’t afford it.”
Ashley’s lip quivered worse as her eyes hardened. She pushed herself out of her mother’s lap, arms tightly crossed over her chest. “I hate you!” she cried, stomping her foot. “You can’t afford anything! You’re the worst Mommy ever!”
Jasmine watched, mouth halfway open as her daughter then stormed out of the living room. She heard Ashley slam her bedroom door and closed her eyes, putting her face in her hands and willing her tears away. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered, her shoulders shaking. With a deep breath, Jasmine pulled her hands away from her face and looked up towards the ceiling.
She had thirty dollars to her name for the next week. Thirty dollars that was supposed to feed them both and keep the heat on, for a little while longer. Two dollars for a card, maybe five on a present, and maybe Jessica’s mother would cover the cost of tokens.
Jasmine glanced down at her hand, her wedding ring sitting idly on her right ring finger. Maybe she should sell it. She had held onto it, just in case she needed to make some extra cash and quickly.
Maybe now was the time.
***
She should have known.
The ring hadn’t been worth much. The couple hundred bucks would hold them out for another week, maybe two. If anything, she could pay off another portion of the heating bill and set aside her original thirty dollars for Jessica’s party. Ashley would be so happy -- she’d forgive Jasmine for saying no.
Jasmine’s hands tightened on the steering wheel, her nails digging into the pliant material. The trip to the pawnshop had been worth the money it cost in fuel, at the very least. She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she relaxed into her seat.
She glanced at the passenger seat, noticing the messy pile of resumes and cover letters strewn all over the seat. She pulled her eyes away from it, instead focusing her attention on the road in front of her. She’d find a job. She’d pull out of this. She’d get back on her feet.
Her phone felt like a flat, heavy stone in her pocket, reminding her that there was one more bill she could cut, to make the squeeze a little less severe. One more item she could sell, aside from her car.
Except she knew if she dropped her phone bill -- that if she sold her phone, then she’d have no way to complete applications short of hiking it to the library. No, the phone was cheaper than an internet connection, and provided her with a way to receive calls from prospective jobs.
If any job would call her, ever. Jasmine shook her head, brushing that thought aside. She’d find a job. She’d find a job, start working, and start paying her bills in full, and on time. Amongst the applications in the car sat one application for state assistance -- one she had started filling out weeks ago but never finished. She should, at the very least, finish that one, too.
Despite that thought, she couldn’t bring herself to take the small stack of papers inside when at home. Would they even approve her, anyway? She didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to think that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t be able to pull herself out of this mess by herself.
As she neared the house, she glanced at the temperature gauge for the engine. It rose higher than normal, edging towards the little red line at the top. Jasmine chewed her lip and turned on the heat, hoping doing so would back it down some.
She needed to get that checked. Even for short, routine trips in the car she would have to check the radiator fluid before heading out. It would always be low, no matter how much more she put in. A leak. She knew it had to be a leak, but what if there was something else wrong?
When the temperature backed down a little, she breathed a sigh of relief. Felt her hands relax their grip on the steering wheel before signaling the turn onto her street. As she pulled into the driveway, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.
Ashley would be home from school, soon. Maybe when she got back, she and Jasmine could go out shopping for Jessica’s present. Sighing, Jasmine stepped out of her car, shutting the door behind her softly. She made her way up the back steps slowly, her body aching and shoulders sagging.
Maybe while she waited for Ashley to get home, she could fill out another job application.
***
She couldn’t believe it.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as her breath caught in her throat. She had managed to pull over on the side of the road safely. With the sound she heard and the fact that she couldn’t push the car to move any further, she knew.
Jasmine choked back her tears and shot her daughter the best reassuring look she could muster. “I’ll call Jessica’s mom,” she said, pulling out her phone. “I’ll be just a second, sweetie.”
Ashley nodded, her eyes wide and round with fear. She fidgeted in her seat, tightening her arms around the wrapped present she held in her lap as Jasmine stepped out of the car. She nearly stumbled, losing her balance for a moment as the weight on her shoulders threatened to topple her over. She made the phone call to Jessica’s mother as quickly as possible and begged the other woman to come and pick up her daughter.
Once she finished with that call, Jasmine tried to still her hands. She searched for a towing service, her eyes filling with tears and blurring her vision. Once she completed the second phone call, she slipped back into the car and gave Ashley another smile. “Sheila said she was on her way, Ash,” she murmured, putting a hand on her daughter’s shoulder and squeezing. “I’m going to stay here with the car, okay? I need to get it taken to a mechanic.”
Ashley nodded, her slight pout disappearing somewhat. Her eyes brightened and she leaned in close to her mother. “Don’t worry, Mom!” she said, kissing Jasmine’s cheek “Everything’s gonna be alright, I promise.”
Jasmine smiled back at her daughter before turning her head away from her, her smile fading somewhat. “I hope so, baby,” she said, her hand falling away from her daughter’s shoulder. “So what kind of games are you going to play while you’re at Chuckie Cheese?”
Ashley’s bright eyes lit up again at that, and Jasmine managed to keep her tears in check while her daughter rambled about the various games she intended to play and the toys she intended to win. Her daughter’s enthusiasm was infectious, causing Jasmine’s smile to strengthen a little just as Sheila pulled up behind them. “Looks like your ride to the party is here, Ash,” Jasmine said, cutting her little girl off and climbing out of the driver’s seat.
Sheila gave Jasmine a pitying look. “What’s wrong with it?” she asked, gesturing to the car.
“It overheated,” Jasmine stated plainly, helping her daughter out of the car and guiding her towards Sheila.
“It’s not the head gasket, is it?”
Jasmine’s throat constricted, making it difficult for her to swallow or speak. She cleared her throat, her hands tightening on Ashley’s shoulders. “I don’t know,” she answered finally, dropping her eyes away from Sheila’s. “Anyway, thank you so much for picking up Ashley for me. She’s been really looking forward to this party all week.”
“It’s not a problem,” Sheila said with a dismissive wave of her hand. She smiled at Ashley. “Ready to have some fun, Ashley?” Ashley vigorously nodded her head. “Then go ahead and get in the car, okay? Remember to put on your seatbelt!” Jasmine watched as Ashley then climbed into Sheila’s car, her eyes burning. “I can keep her overnight, too, if that’s alright with you,” Sheila said once Ashley had climbed into the car. “That way you don’t have to worry about picking her up. I’ll bring her home, too.”
“Thank you,” Jasmine breathed, relief washing over her. “She needs to spend more time with kids her age, anyway. She doesn’t really get the chance to.”
“I know,” Sheila said, a slight frown on her face. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help, okay?”
Jasmine nodded. “I will,” she said, watching as Sheila then climbed back into her own car and drove away. Once Sheila’s car was out of sight, Jasmine sat down in the driver’s seat, pillowing her head on her arms, which rested against the steering wheel. She moaned, her shoulders shaking as the tears came unbidden.
When the tow truck came, she tried to pull herself together. She pushed her long hair behind her ears and swallowed back her tears. She sat in silence with the tow-truck driver, instead focusing on the lights and buildings they passed by until they ended up at her mechanic’s. When the driver offered her a ride back to her house, she shook her head.
“I’ll walk, thanks. It’s not that far,” she said, offering him a smile. She overhead the mechanic mumbling to himself as he began looking the car over, the words head gasket ringing in her ears loud and clear.
Head gasket meant engine work.
Jasmine squared her shoulders and brushed aside her tears, handing the car mechanic her key as she gave him her contact information. Left the office with a promise of a phone call in a few days, once the mechanic had time to look everything over.
She nodded wordlessly, her hair falling in front of her face as she then stepped out onto the road. It was a few miles to her house, and the sun would be setting, soon. She had the whole night to herself, thanks to Sheila’s offer. She could go home and relax. Go home and start looking for a new car, one she could somehow afford when she couldn’t even afford to fix the engine of another.
As she walked, sobs wracked her body, making it difficult to walk in a steady line. She hugged herself. It’ll get better, her mind whispered. Jasmine just shook her head. “No, it won’t,” she murmured under her breath.
Her daughter was likely dying.
She had no money to feed them, let alone give her daughter the treatment she deserved. Ever since her husband had left, she hadn’t heard word from him at all, let alone seen any child support. And now? Now she had to either fix a car or buy a new one.
At some point, she stepped onto an overpass. Jasmine stopped, her tears clearing up as she glanced down at the rushing traffic down below. It could be all over in a heartbeat. All she’d have to do is climb over the short railing and jump. Time it so that a car would hit her just as she’d hit the ground.
The thought had barely finished crossing her mind as she swung her leg over the railing and held herself up on the perilous edge of the overpass. She held her breath and closed her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Ashley.”
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
Jasmine sat at her desk, fingers threaded through her hair as her nails dug into her scalp. No matter how she crunched the numbers -- no matter how much she rearranged the bills, she knew there was no way. No way would she be able to get out of debt. No way of providing food for herself, her child.
She needed to short sell the house. Foreclosure stood just right around the corner; so did bankruptcy. Her stomach twisted, coiling itself into a tight knotted ball. Her daughter was sick, too. Not just with a simple cold, either. Test after test, doctor visit after doctor visit, it looked more and more like cancer.
Her little girl. Her baby girl, dying of cancer and no money to her name to get her the treatment she needed. The treatment that might save her little girl’s life. Tears stung at her eyes, one of her hands pulling away from her head and hovering over the phone she was never without.
Her business had failed. Her husband had left her. Her family didn’t speak to her. She couldn’t take out anymore loans. Couldn’t get help from anyone except herself. Instead of picking up her phone, her hand wrapped around a pen.
Papers were strewn about before her. Bills, some she hadn’t paid in months. Others, she’d worked out a deal -- gave them just enough money to keep the electricity on and a roof over her daughter’s head. Food in her daughter’s stomach. The knot in Jasmine’s stomach eased at that moment, as if to remind her that it hadn’t been full in at least a week.
The pen flew over a few pieces of paper, jotting down her signature without her mind’s consent. Tears welled up in her eyes. She could call her father. The man had more than enough money to help. Maybe he could spare her a few thousand, to help her keep afloat. To keep his granddaughter alive until her next birthday.
While the thought had crossed her mind, her hand never once picked up the phone. It sat on the corner of her desk, collecting additional dust.
She’d find a way out of this, and she’d do it alone. She had to.
***
“Mommy, can I go to Jessica’s birthday party?”
Jasmine looked up from her phone, frowning slightly to herself. Her daughter, Ashley, stood before her, a hopeful look on her face. Her big brown eyes were focused entirely on Jasmine, causing Jasmine’s stomach to twist. “When’s the party, honey?” she asked, putting her phone away. The job application could wait for a few more minutes.
“On Saturday!” Ashley chirped, climbing into her mother’s lap. “It’s at Chuckie Cheese, and --”
Jasmine’s stomach sank to the floor. They’d have to buy Jessica a birthday present. She’d have to drive Ashley to the party, likely remain there with her daughter -- not to mention money she’d likely have to spend on tokens. Ashley seemed to sense her mother’s dismay, her lips twisting into a frown. “I can’t go, can I, Mommy?” she asked, her bottom lip shaking.
Tears welled up in Jasmine’s eyes and her stomach twisted with guilt. “I’m sorry, Ashley,” she said, shaking her head. She brushed Ashley’s long chestnut hair behind her ear. “Mommy can’t afford it.”
Ashley’s lip quivered worse as her eyes hardened. She pushed herself out of her mother’s lap, arms tightly crossed over her chest. “I hate you!” she cried, stomping her foot. “You can’t afford anything! You’re the worst Mommy ever!”
Jasmine watched, mouth halfway open as her daughter then stormed out of the living room. She heard Ashley slam her bedroom door and closed her eyes, putting her face in her hands and willing her tears away. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered, her shoulders shaking. With a deep breath, Jasmine pulled her hands away from her face and looked up towards the ceiling.
She had thirty dollars to her name for the next week. Thirty dollars that was supposed to feed them both and keep the heat on, for a little while longer. Two dollars for a card, maybe five on a present, and maybe Jessica’s mother would cover the cost of tokens.
Jasmine glanced down at her hand, her wedding ring sitting idly on her right ring finger. Maybe she should sell it. She had held onto it, just in case she needed to make some extra cash and quickly.
Maybe now was the time.
***
She should have known.
The ring hadn’t been worth much. The couple hundred bucks would hold them out for another week, maybe two. If anything, she could pay off another portion of the heating bill and set aside her original thirty dollars for Jessica’s party. Ashley would be so happy -- she’d forgive Jasmine for saying no.
Jasmine’s hands tightened on the steering wheel, her nails digging into the pliant material. The trip to the pawnshop had been worth the money it cost in fuel, at the very least. She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she relaxed into her seat.
She glanced at the passenger seat, noticing the messy pile of resumes and cover letters strewn all over the seat. She pulled her eyes away from it, instead focusing her attention on the road in front of her. She’d find a job. She’d pull out of this. She’d get back on her feet.
Her phone felt like a flat, heavy stone in her pocket, reminding her that there was one more bill she could cut, to make the squeeze a little less severe. One more item she could sell, aside from her car.
Except she knew if she dropped her phone bill -- that if she sold her phone, then she’d have no way to complete applications short of hiking it to the library. No, the phone was cheaper than an internet connection, and provided her with a way to receive calls from prospective jobs.
If any job would call her, ever. Jasmine shook her head, brushing that thought aside. She’d find a job. She’d find a job, start working, and start paying her bills in full, and on time. Amongst the applications in the car sat one application for state assistance -- one she had started filling out weeks ago but never finished. She should, at the very least, finish that one, too.
Despite that thought, she couldn’t bring herself to take the small stack of papers inside when at home. Would they even approve her, anyway? She didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to think that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t be able to pull herself out of this mess by herself.
As she neared the house, she glanced at the temperature gauge for the engine. It rose higher than normal, edging towards the little red line at the top. Jasmine chewed her lip and turned on the heat, hoping doing so would back it down some.
She needed to get that checked. Even for short, routine trips in the car she would have to check the radiator fluid before heading out. It would always be low, no matter how much more she put in. A leak. She knew it had to be a leak, but what if there was something else wrong?
When the temperature backed down a little, she breathed a sigh of relief. Felt her hands relax their grip on the steering wheel before signaling the turn onto her street. As she pulled into the driveway, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.
Ashley would be home from school, soon. Maybe when she got back, she and Jasmine could go out shopping for Jessica’s present. Sighing, Jasmine stepped out of her car, shutting the door behind her softly. She made her way up the back steps slowly, her body aching and shoulders sagging.
Maybe while she waited for Ashley to get home, she could fill out another job application.
***
She couldn’t believe it.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as her breath caught in her throat. She had managed to pull over on the side of the road safely. With the sound she heard and the fact that she couldn’t push the car to move any further, she knew.
Jasmine choked back her tears and shot her daughter the best reassuring look she could muster. “I’ll call Jessica’s mom,” she said, pulling out her phone. “I’ll be just a second, sweetie.”
Ashley nodded, her eyes wide and round with fear. She fidgeted in her seat, tightening her arms around the wrapped present she held in her lap as Jasmine stepped out of the car. She nearly stumbled, losing her balance for a moment as the weight on her shoulders threatened to topple her over. She made the phone call to Jessica’s mother as quickly as possible and begged the other woman to come and pick up her daughter.
Once she finished with that call, Jasmine tried to still her hands. She searched for a towing service, her eyes filling with tears and blurring her vision. Once she completed the second phone call, she slipped back into the car and gave Ashley another smile. “Sheila said she was on her way, Ash,” she murmured, putting a hand on her daughter’s shoulder and squeezing. “I’m going to stay here with the car, okay? I need to get it taken to a mechanic.”
Ashley nodded, her slight pout disappearing somewhat. Her eyes brightened and she leaned in close to her mother. “Don’t worry, Mom!” she said, kissing Jasmine’s cheek “Everything’s gonna be alright, I promise.”
Jasmine smiled back at her daughter before turning her head away from her, her smile fading somewhat. “I hope so, baby,” she said, her hand falling away from her daughter’s shoulder. “So what kind of games are you going to play while you’re at Chuckie Cheese?”
Ashley’s bright eyes lit up again at that, and Jasmine managed to keep her tears in check while her daughter rambled about the various games she intended to play and the toys she intended to win. Her daughter’s enthusiasm was infectious, causing Jasmine’s smile to strengthen a little just as Sheila pulled up behind them. “Looks like your ride to the party is here, Ash,” Jasmine said, cutting her little girl off and climbing out of the driver’s seat.
Sheila gave Jasmine a pitying look. “What’s wrong with it?” she asked, gesturing to the car.
“It overheated,” Jasmine stated plainly, helping her daughter out of the car and guiding her towards Sheila.
“It’s not the head gasket, is it?”
Jasmine’s throat constricted, making it difficult for her to swallow or speak. She cleared her throat, her hands tightening on Ashley’s shoulders. “I don’t know,” she answered finally, dropping her eyes away from Sheila’s. “Anyway, thank you so much for picking up Ashley for me. She’s been really looking forward to this party all week.”
“It’s not a problem,” Sheila said with a dismissive wave of her hand. She smiled at Ashley. “Ready to have some fun, Ashley?” Ashley vigorously nodded her head. “Then go ahead and get in the car, okay? Remember to put on your seatbelt!” Jasmine watched as Ashley then climbed into Sheila’s car, her eyes burning. “I can keep her overnight, too, if that’s alright with you,” Sheila said once Ashley had climbed into the car. “That way you don’t have to worry about picking her up. I’ll bring her home, too.”
“Thank you,” Jasmine breathed, relief washing over her. “She needs to spend more time with kids her age, anyway. She doesn’t really get the chance to.”
“I know,” Sheila said, a slight frown on her face. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help, okay?”
Jasmine nodded. “I will,” she said, watching as Sheila then climbed back into her own car and drove away. Once Sheila’s car was out of sight, Jasmine sat down in the driver’s seat, pillowing her head on her arms, which rested against the steering wheel. She moaned, her shoulders shaking as the tears came unbidden.
When the tow truck came, she tried to pull herself together. She pushed her long hair behind her ears and swallowed back her tears. She sat in silence with the tow-truck driver, instead focusing on the lights and buildings they passed by until they ended up at her mechanic’s. When the driver offered her a ride back to her house, she shook her head.
“I’ll walk, thanks. It’s not that far,” she said, offering him a smile. She overhead the mechanic mumbling to himself as he began looking the car over, the words head gasket ringing in her ears loud and clear.
Head gasket meant engine work.
Jasmine squared her shoulders and brushed aside her tears, handing the car mechanic her key as she gave him her contact information. Left the office with a promise of a phone call in a few days, once the mechanic had time to look everything over.
She nodded wordlessly, her hair falling in front of her face as she then stepped out onto the road. It was a few miles to her house, and the sun would be setting, soon. She had the whole night to herself, thanks to Sheila’s offer. She could go home and relax. Go home and start looking for a new car, one she could somehow afford when she couldn’t even afford to fix the engine of another.
As she walked, sobs wracked her body, making it difficult to walk in a steady line. She hugged herself. It’ll get better, her mind whispered. Jasmine just shook her head. “No, it won’t,” she murmured under her breath.
Her daughter was likely dying.
She had no money to feed them, let alone give her daughter the treatment she deserved. Ever since her husband had left, she hadn’t heard word from him at all, let alone seen any child support. And now? Now she had to either fix a car or buy a new one.
At some point, she stepped onto an overpass. Jasmine stopped, her tears clearing up as she glanced down at the rushing traffic down below. It could be all over in a heartbeat. All she’d have to do is climb over the short railing and jump. Time it so that a car would hit her just as she’d hit the ground.
The thought had barely finished crossing her mind as she swung her leg over the railing and held herself up on the perilous edge of the overpass. She held her breath and closed her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Ashley.”