[One-shot] Another choice
Title: Another choice
Series: Castle Au
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: Kazunari finally realized there was only one thing he could never give Satoshi.
Beta-ed by potatoos ♥♥♥
A/N: For ichi_toshimiya's request and zero_shichi's request. I hope you'll like this dear ♥
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Satoshi didn’t know what the King was up to when he was called into his father’s private room on an early morning. He was barely awake, but Sho had knocked on the door and told him that the King wanted to meet him urgently so he should go change his clothes as soon as possible. Kazunari stirred on the bed and lazily opened his eyes. After giving Satoshi a questioning look, he sat up on the bed and rubbed his eyes sleepily.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” Satoshi said while donning on his formal clothes.
“Should I go with you?” Kazunari asked, though he didn’t look like he wanted to leave the bed so early in the morning, so Satoshi just smiled at him reassuringly.
“No, you should go back to sleep. It’s still early.”
Kazunari gave him a kittenish smile and Satoshi couldn’t help but place a slight kiss on Kazunari’s slightly pouting lips. Kazunari then lay down, and he was snoring away when Satoshi went out of their room as gently as he could and closed the door behind him.
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Though Satoshi had prepared for something extraordinary to happen, but never this. He had never expected that his father would suggest to him something like this, and though he knew that his father was right, he was still totally against the idea and was not going to change his mind. His face turned slightly red as he protested heatedly.
“Dad, I’ll never marry someone else!!!”
“Don’t be so stubborn!” His Dad had said, and he looked determined, like he had always been considering about this. He just didn’t tell Satoshi yet, because he knew that Satoshi loved Kazunari and would never marry anyone else. But why now? Why now, when finally Satoshi had Kazunari’s heart, when they could finally be together, that his father suggested such a cruel thing?
“I know you love him, son,” his father’s voice softened “And I already allowed you to marry him, didn’t I? But you have to have children for this country’s sake! And how could he bear you a child? Did you ever think of that? This is no joke, because we need someone to become the next Prince of this country!”
“Dad!” Satoshi could feel his heart beat thunderously inside his chest. He thought of Kazunari’s eyes, how sad they would be if he ever told Kazunari this… No. He didn’t want to hurt Kazunari, but what else he could do…? “I… I just can’t. It’d hurt him!”
“Son,” His father tried to be patient “He must’ve foreseen this before becoming your wife, right? That some day you’d have to marry a woman who would give you a child… And there’s no way he could protest about this! It’s your responsibility to us!”
“No…!” Satoshi defended, though he didn’t know what else he could say. He didn’t want to have a child with any other woman, but it was a fact that Kazunari would never get pregnant… The thought wrenched Satoshi’s heart, as he knew his promise to never hurt Kazunari was slowly broken, because he had no good reason to refuse this, because he was going to be King, and because there’s going to be another Prince to take over him…
Satoshi hated the idea, but hated himself more for not be able to come up with any solution. So when his father told him to go away and ‘just think about it’, he left the room with heavy steps as he thought of Kazunari. Kazunari loved him, and he didn’t want to hurt Kazunari’s feelings… Even though he loved only Kazunari, Kazunari would never forgive him if he slept with someone else just to have a child…
And worst, maybe Kazunari’s love for him would also be gone.
Just thinking of that made Satoshi feel suffocated.
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“How was it?” Kazunari asked when Satoshi returned. He looked deeply troubld, and Kazunari got up, wondering what was wrong with his husband. He scooted closer to Satoshi who had just sat down silently on their bed and hugged Satoshi gently from behind “Satoshi?”
Satoshi gave a small smile when he felt the familiar warmth from Kazunari’s hug. He turned back and took Kazunari in his arms, his face buried into Kazunari’s neck as if wanted to feel all of him, to never let him go and to stay here beside him forever.
He didn’t want Kazunari to be sad, never, so he chose to lie.
“Nothing,” Satoshi murmured “Just… some business.”
“Really?” Kazunari sounded unconvinced, but he didn’t ask more. Satoshi just nodded.
He wished he could gather Kazunari in his arms and protect him forever, to never let him face any of this. If he had to confront it alone he would, just to keep Kazunari safe beside him. But somehow, he thought with a twist in his stomach that he was powerless. This wasn’t only his problem, but the whole country’s.
Satoshi decided to just close his eyes and temporarily forgot all the other things beside Kazunari’s warmth at this moment.
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Satoshi could choose not to tell Kazunari anything, but the rumors were spreading as fast as light.
The day Kazunari found out about the truth, he felt like something had punched him in his face.
“Is that true?” He asked a female servant, who was talking to her friends about the rumors, and Kazunari had heard it by accident. But once he had discovered it, he could never pretend that he didn’t know.
“My… my highness?” Her voice raised an octave that she knew that she was in trouble. Prince Kazunari looked scarier than he had ever been.
“Is that true that Satoshi is going to marry someone else just to have a son?” Kazunari repeated with a surprisingly calm tone, and when the woman didn’t dare to utter a word, Kazunari just decided to ask Satoshi himself. Because this could never be true. This couldn’t be true. Satoshi had said that he loved him, right? And why would he ever think of having someone else? Why now, when they had decided to be with each other for the rest of their lives?
Though part of Kazunari understood. He understood why Satoshi was going to do that. He just didn’t want to admit that. He didn’t want to admit that he would never be enough for Satoshi, because he could never give Satoshi the only thing he needed the most.
A child.
Kazunari didn’t realize his eyes were burning, the tears were already there, but it looked stupid crying in front of people so he blinked it away angrily. He turned and ran, ignoring the panicked servants behind him and stormed out the hall and towards Satoshi’s fishing place, because he knew Satoshi was there. Satoshi was always there when he had to think clearly, and now, maybe Satoshi still had to think about this.
About his mistake to have Kazunari as his wife.
Kazunari would never want to admit that, but now the burning sensation wasn’t only within his heart but had already spread to his entire body, and he felt like an idiot living all the days without worrying about this - he should have guessed, he should have thought of this… Satoshi was nearly thirty, and he needed a son to be the Prince…
Kazunari hated that he was hurt, but he was and it hurt so much that it was hard to breathe.
Satoshi was sitting at his usual spot, his fishing rod lying on the floor, as if he hadn’t even started fishing yet. Kazunari caught his arms right when he reached him, and Satoshi was startled.
“Is that true?” He breathed heavily, the words that came out from his mouth was more bitter than he thought “You’re going to marry another girl?”
“Kazunari…” Satoshi looked scared, and the look gave Kazunari a painful wrench that he knew he was just making it harder for Satoshi. Because they both knew Satoshi had no choice “I…”
In a second, Kazunari wished Satoshi would deny it immediately. That it was just a rumor and Satoshi had never considered about that, and Satoshi would only love him and be with him forever. But the wavering look Satoshi was giving him told him the total opposite.
Satoshi was really considering this marriage.
Breathing suddenly became a hard task that Kazunari thought he couldn’t carry on anymore.
“So it’s true…” Kazunari whispered, his hand on Satoshi’s arm fell back to his side lifelessly. As if his heart was crushed into thousand of pieces, Kazunari felt the tears rolling down his cheeks.
“No, Kazu,” Satoshi looked like he had just snapped back to reality. He hastily wiped Kazunari’s tears away “No, I just… I just don’t know what to do now!”
Kazunari didn’t look at Satoshi in the eyes, but Satoshi made him, and he stared at those eyes he loved so much. Satoshi had that sad look that told him Satoshi was also not happy at all with this decision.
“I love you more than anyone else in the world,” Satoshi whispered, and Kazunari closed his eyes, feeling the pain rising, because he knew, love wasn’t enough. Love alone wasn’t enough to keep them together forever. There was still something else that was controlling their lives, and no matter how much they wanted to, they couldn’t fight against the whole world. “You must understand that.”
“I know,” Kazunari murmured. He knew. And he understood it clearly. But the pain just didn’t go away, because sometimes knowing something just made people hurt more than being oblivious “I know, Satoshi.”
“Please don’t be so sad,” Satoshi cried, and Kazunari couldn’t help but hugged Satoshi tightly. He knew he couldn’t do this to Satoshi. He couldn’t become Satoshi’s burden. He was putting Satoshi into an impasse, though he never wanted to do so. He wanted Satoshi to be happy. And by that, he had to sacrifice something that they both didn’t want to lose.
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That night when they were laying on their bed together, a deafening silence surrounded them. Kazunari listened to Satoshi’s even breathing beside him, his arms wrapped loosely around Satoshi’s waist. He stared into the darkness, feeling nothing except to wish for the night to not end, for them to be like this forever, for time to stop flowing, for the moment when Satoshi had to make his decision to never come. He couldn’t help but search for Satoshi’s hand - which took his nearly immediately when Kazunari’s fingertips touched it - to soothe the nerves bubbling inside him like poison.
Maybe, Kazunari thought, maybe…
Kazunari suddenly rolled onto his side and gazed into Satoshi’s eyes.
“Satoshi,” Kazunari whispered, and Satoshi turned to Kazunari. In the darkness of the night, Kazunari still saw Satoshi’s eyes gazing at him lovingly, but the sadness was there and Kazunari couldn’t bear it. He touched Satoshi’s eyes with his fingertips, his eyes closed on their own as he leaned in and kissed Satoshi softly on his lips.
“Take me,” Kazunari said in between kisses, and Satoshi’s eyes snapped open. Kazunari could sense the sudden tension in each of Satoshi’s muscle.
“What… are you sure?” Satoshi looked as though he couldn’t believe his ears, though his hand had already search for Kazunari’s warm skin under his shirt, and Satoshi was trembling, like he was doing something that he wasn’t allowed to. Kazunari sighed into the kiss as he pulled Satoshi closer, Satoshi’s hand felt amazing against his skin, because really, now the only thing that could help his wilted soul was Satoshi’s touches, and he wanted to feel them, he wanted Satoshi to take him right now. Because he had let Satoshi wait for so long.
He had been waiting for this for so long.
“Just make me yours,” Kazunari murmured in between kisses, and Satoshi lost all his ability to think properly. His hesitance was wiped away completely when Kazunari tugged at his shirt and tried to take it out, and Satoshi shuddered when their bare chests met each other. His hand searched for Kazunari’s desperately, and their fingers entwined together like a silent promise.
Suddenly, the world around them disappeared, leaving the two of them in their own world, with only happiness and tears all rolling together.
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The next day, Kazunari had gone.
Satoshi woke up without Kazunari’s warmth beside him, and at first, he didn’t think of it as a problem. Kazunari might want to be alone sometimes, and he would disappear like this, only show up at night when he had made up his mind.
But when Satoshi saw Kazunari’s paper on the table, with his uneven handwriting, Satoshi felt like his world had stopped somewhere between those words.
Satoshi,
Just do what you think is true. I won’t be a burden to you anymore.
I know you love me. And I love you too.
Please take care,
Kazu.
Kazunari had already made up his mind.
Kazunari had decided to leave Satoshi’s life, to give Satoshi an easier way to decide, to help Satoshi out of his own maze, to give him a solution.
And that only brought Satoshi to the verge of tears as his fear had finally come true.
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Kazunari thought that he was going the right way.
Or he had been going the right way, because now he had no idea where he was going.
Kazunari had taken his horse, early in the morning, forcing the servants to shut their mouths and left quietly and didn’t let anyone know where he was going. In fact, Kazunari didn’t know where he was going either. He just thought he needed to be away from Satoshi for a while, for both of them to think about this clearly, and for Satoshi to be able to decide. For what matter, Kazunari wanted to go to Jun’s country, but he got lost on the way and now he had no idea where he was heading towards.
Around Kazunari, the trees whispered and the birds chirped noisily. It was a peaceful morning, even the sunlight wasn’t burning like usual, but a warm sensation spread through Kazunari’s body from the patch of skin that was being warmed by the sunlight.
Despite everything around him, Kazunari’s heart couldn’t feel at peace at all, because Satoshi’s scent was still around him, reminding him just how much they loved each other and how much Satoshi meant to him, and how much he didn’t want to leave Satoshi. Their last night together would always be in Kazunari’s mind, because it was the first time he knew about Satoshi - a Satoshi that no one else could ever know, the Satoshi that was his and his only. Kazunari raised his palm to his face - this hand had been holding Satoshi’s for the whole night, and Kazunari kissed it slightly.
Where should he go from now? Kazunari looked around with a sigh. He was lost in a forest, with nothing but trees and wild animals running around him, with the odor of nature surrounding him welcomingly. He didn’t know whether he would be in Jun’s country when he had passed this forest and climbed over that hill? He wasn’t sure, but because he had no other choice now, Kazunari decided to just follow his instinct.
When he was on his way, he heard a sound. At first, it was small, but then it could be heard clearly, and Kazunari realized it was someone calling him. A woman’s voice. He frowned and stopped the horse. Someone was calling him, and he turned around to see a woman running toward him, her face red from exertion, and she stopped to breathe when Kazunari climbed down from the horse with a confused look on his face.
“Young boy, where are you going?” The woman asked, and Kazunari shook his head.
“It’s not really your business, is it?”
“No, but I have to tell you…” The woman’s breath slowed down as she smiled at him warmly “If you go any further you won’t be able to find any place to stay tonight. It takes a whole day to get out of this forest.”
“How do you know I want to get out of the forest?” Kazunari asked, and when the question came out his mouth, he suddenly felt stupid.
The woman arched an eyebrow, and then she just smiled.
“My house is nearby,” She said and gestured toward the left “You can stay for the night, and you could leave early in the morning tomorrow.”
Kazunari bit his lips. Should he agree? Because Kazunari wasn’t sure that he should believe her or not, but there was something in this woman that made Kazunari want to trust her already. She gave him the feeling of his mom, with her nice smile and her warm voice. Kazunari looked over the trees and pondered over the idea. He didn’t even know if Jun’s country was over there. Maybe he could spend the night here, and then he could consider and come up with another decision of where to go and what to do.
So finally, Kazunari nodded.
“Thank you.” He said.
The woman just smiled and hurried her way back to her house, and Kazunari took his horse and followed her. Just then, he realized something.
“Are you pregnant?”
The woman stopped and looked back at Kazunari, a faint pink colored her cheeks as she nodded in happiness.
“Congrats,” Kazunari faltered. He had never known what to say in this situation, and he looked abashed. The woman just smiled at him again.
“Thank you,” She said and slowed down her steps and walked side by side with Kazunari.
“Is it… uncomfortable?” Kazunari blurted out before he could hold himself back. The woman shrugged.
“It’s very uncomfortable,” She rubbed her tummy tenderly “But thinking that my child is there, it’s no longer that uncomfortable.”
“Oh…” Kazunari nodded. He couldn’t understand the feeling of having a person inside your tummy, no matter how hard he had imagined. He had thought about this, when he had pondered over and over the idea of how to have a child with Satoshi - but he knew that he could never, just because he was a man. Now all the pregnant-thing just reminded him of Satoshi, and he tried to shove it away, because really, he didn’t want to think about this upsetting thing anymore.
“But you know,” The woman continued, didn’t notice Kazunari’s trouble face “It’s weird, but at the same time very familiar. Someone is growing inside you, and you know that that’s you and your loved one’s treasure.”
“Who is the father?” Kazunari asked, and in a second he thought he saw the woman’s sad eyes.
“He’s gone.”
“What?” Kazunari frowned.
“He doesn’t want this,” The woman explained “He says he has a fiancée and now he can’t marry me.”
“How could he…?” Kazunari said angrily. This man had a child for himself and then he just didn’t want to admit it? When… when there was someone like him, craving for one and could never have!
“But it’s okay, really,” The woman added hastily “I’m happy enough with this. I love this child and will raise him, and he will know how great it is to be born.”
Kazunari almost asked ‘alone?’, but he knew it would only cut into this nice woman’s wound, so he just kept his mouth shut. An unexplainable envy aroused inside him, and Kazunari suddenly felt the need to find that stupid man and punched him on his face, telling him to treasure his precious child, because there were people who couldn’t have one themselves.
They approached the house in silence. It was only a small wooden house located at a vacant area of the forest. Around the house was a small garden with flowers, and Kazunari could see the well at the back of the house. A small noise and then a big dog ran out of the house and it stopped when it saw Kazunari, and then it barked angrily.
“It’s okay, Satoshi!”
Kazunari almost choked on his breath when the woman scratched the back of the dog coaxingly.
“Excuse me?” He didn’t realize his voice had risen, and the woman looked at him, surprised.
“This is my only friend here, his name is Satoshi.”
“What? You use a person’s name for… a dog?” Kazunari only realized that it was a rude question when he had already asked it. But the woman just smiled softly.
“He’s just like a person to me.”
Kazunari looked at the dog in abashment. He didn’t dare to come any closer, because it was staring at him as if he was its enemy and Kazunari didn’t want to die yet. So he stayed away from the dog, but it kept following him (very likely it was making sure he wouldn’t touch any of its stuff) everywhere.
The dinner was delicious. Kazunari didn’t remember when was the last time he had eaten something as great as this. The woman kept asking Kazunari where he was going lately and why, and Kazunari just smiled and tried to evade the questions by asking his own chain of questions.
“Are you happy?” He asked when they came back to the topic of the child, and the woman’s eyes sparkled in undeniable happiness.
“Of course I am.” She said cheerfully “I’m going to have a child, and how great it sounds!”
Kazunari smiled sadly, and as if the woman sensed it, she asked in concern.
“Why do you look so sad?”
“Ah, no…” Kazunari was about to brush the question off like all the others, but suddenly he got tired. He wanted to talk to someone about this thing which had been bugging his mind for a while, and it was burning inside him, so he just let himself being honest for the first time with this woman. “Actually, I… I have a problem.”
The woman blinked and smiled, encouraging him to continue. Kazunari took a deep breath.
“I can’t bear my beloved person a child, and that’s why I’m leaving him.”
“He made you leave him?” The woman rolled her eyes.
“No! It’s… my decision only.” Kazunari sighed. Satoshi might be hurt and might be trying to find him right now. Thinking about Satoshi only made his heart squirm.
“But why did you leave? Do you love him?”
“I love him!” Kazunari immediately answered “I love him very much…!”
“Then why is it a matter?” The woman shook her head “You two can live together without a child.”
“But he has to have one.” Kazunari bit his lips “He needs a son to inherit his… business, and I can’t… so, I left him… Maybe he would get married with another woman and…”
“And have a child with her?” The woman said softly, and those words stabbed Kazunari’s heart stronger than he had thought.
“Look, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” She said after a while “Do you think he wants a child with a person he doesn’t love when it’s the reason for you to leave him?”
Kazunari shook his head. He knew Satoshi wouldn’t be happy, but what else could he do? Satoshi was the Prince, and a Prince had responsibilities of a Prince to have another Prince.
“You guys should go through this together,” She continued “There is always another choice, if you look for it really hard. Don’t give up so soon.”
“But…” Kazunari was about to protest when the woman suddenly clutching her belly and her face turned sour. Kazunari immediately came beside her to support her. The dog stood up from its spot few seconds ago and ran to her also “What’s wrong?”
“My belly…” She breathed, and her face crumbled “Oh my God, I think I’m going to give birth soon…”
“What??!!!” Kazunari’s face turned pale, as the woman tried to move to the bed to lie down “Wait… Can’t you wait until morning?!”
“Are you stupid?!!” The woman snapped as she rolled onto the bed, her face turned red and she looked like she was going to break down. Sweat was all over her face and she was trembling badly. Satoshi - the dog ran to her and started licking her face, and it whined when it saw its owner in such bad pain.
“Wait …doctor! Where can we get a doctor??!” Kazunari panicked as he looked at the woman, all desperate and helpless.
“The village…” The woman panted heavily as she tried to talk “… one hour to the south…”
“One hour???!! It’ll be too long!!! You can’t wait that long, can you??” Kazunari scratched his head desperately.
The woman nodded weakly, and Kazunari looked outside. It was raining heavily, and he could smell the scent of wet earth rushed into his nose. He looked back at the woman, who was still in pain, as he took her hand and squeezed firmly.
“I’ll come back with a doctor,” he said, and the woman smiled at him as she nodded. He stood up and went outside, after making sure she was kept warm under the layers and the dog was beside her. He climbed up his horse and started running towards the village.
He had never been this panicky in his whole life, and he had never felt this important in his whole life either. He ran and tried to concentrate, making sure that he was still going the right path. The woman’s warm smile appeared again in his mind, and somehow he missed his mom so much.
His mom had died giving birth to him.
He wiped his eyes with his palm, and never once in his life was he this determined. He had to do it, he had to bring the doctor back, he had to help her like how she had helped him with her kind words.
She had told him that he could be with Satoshi. She had told him that they could still find a way to be together.
So he ran, and ran, until he found his vision blurring, the rain was heavier with each of the horse’s steps, but Kazunari didn’t slow down. He couldn’t.
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The woman was still groaning in pain when Kazunari came back. He couldn’t believe it. He had made it. He had brought the doctor - who hadn’t been informed anything but Kazunari’s panicky incoherent words, and being dragged here at midnight - and he was examining the woman carefully.
“Okay, try to breathe,” The doctor said coaxingly, and the woman cried again. Kazunari could only pray, because he couldn’t say if anything was okay, because the woman looked like she was going to die at any time now. Giving birth might be the most hurtful work on Earth, Kazunari thought.
“You’re the father?” The doctor asked hurriedly, and Kazunari startled.
“No, I…”
“She’s in a very bad state right now,” The doctor said, he didn’t slow down in checking the woman’s temperature, pulse and tried to make place for the baby. Kazunari could tell somehow, because the woman looked exhausted now, her hand clutching the bed sheet tightly, and her face was pale as she breathed so fast that she couldn’t utter a word. “There are only two choices: save the mother, or save the child.”
“What?!!” No, Kazunari wanted to shout, because her will was to live with her child. It wouldn’t make any sense if only one of them was alive.
“If she tries to get the child out, she could be bleeding to death,” The doctor said quickly “And here we have nothing to stop the bleeding.”
“But…” Kazunari’s head spun around. He started to get dizzy. The cold was seeping into him, and he found everything spinning around him.
“My child…” The woman breathed, and Kazunari immediately came to take her hand “Save my child…”
“But you…” Kazunari’s heart fell.
“Just save… the child…” She whispered, and Kazunari still saw the happiness inside her deep brown eyes “… Please…”
“I can’t…” Kazunari didn’t realize that he was crying until he felt hot on his face “No, you can’t die…”
“Please…” She murmured, and her voice lowered, until it was hard to hear “… take care… of it…”
Kazunari could stop the tears from rolling - it was the first time he had cried for a stranger - not really a stranger, because she had helped him so much, but - He couldn’t think clearly when everything just suddenly went dark as he fell into unconsciousness.
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The next time he woke up, he was in a strange room.
He didn’t remember how he got there at all. He stared at the feeling, and slowly, the memory came back from when he left the palace and then first met the nice woman, she was going to give birth, he was taking the doctor back from the village… and her decision to save her child and not herself…
Kazunari jumped on his bed. How long had he been sleeping? How was she? How was the child? How did he end up here…
“You should rest more,” A voice resounded from his left side, and Kazunari’s pulse quickened as he realized the familiar voice - the voice he had been yearning to hear since he left the palace, the voice that sounded tired, angry, and maybe disappointed at him - the voice he still hadn’t had enough courage to face its owner yet. Slowly, he turned his head towards the source of that voice and found himself staring at the person he loved the most in the world.
“How is she?” Was the first thing Kazunari could say. Satoshi sat down beside Kazunari, and his eyes were so sad that it hurt Kazunari inside.
“I’m sorry…” Satoshi whispered, and Kazunari’s tears rolled down again. Satoshi pulled him into a hug, and Kazunari welcomed Satoshi’s warmth around him almost immediately. He wrapped his arms around Satoshi, and tried to feel Satoshi’s solid body against him. His tears kept rolling and he didn’t know that he could cry so much in only a few days.
“You did your best to save her,” Satoshi said, and Kazunari just shook his head. He couldn’t help her, after all. She was the one who helped him so much, but he couldn’t help her back…
“The child is alive, though…” Satoshi added, and Kazunari immediately pulled back, his eyes once again hopeful.
“Really?” Kazunari asked in awe.
“Yes,” Satoshi smiled softly as he brushed away the strand of hair on Kazunari’s forehead “You did well, Kazu. You saved him.”
“It’s a boy?” Kazunari still couldn’t believe it… The child was still alive…
“Yes,” Satoshi chuckled.
Kazunari smiled the first genuine smile, he didn’t know why, but he kept smiling and smiling, until the happiness was there again and he felt like he could burst out crying any moment.
But then, he realized something. He snapped his head up and stared at Satoshi.
“Why are you here?”
“Hm?” Satoshi took Kazunari’s hand in his and played with his fingers “You think I’d let my wife disappear and not look for him?”
“But… how did you know…” Kazunari stuttered. Satoshi needed only two days to find him? What a failure he was running away.
“A friend of mine told me he saw you near this village… last night,” Satoshi said “When you’re looking for the doctor. I immediately came here, but you weren’t here anymore.”
“I asked the doctor’s wife and knew that you took him to a small house in the forest, and it took me a while to reach here. The doctor couldn’t be happier to see us, because he didn’t know how to take care of both of you - you had fainted because of the cold and maybe exertion, and she… she was bleeding badly.”
Kazunari bit his lips. That was when he didn’t remember anything around him…
“And I brought you back here after leaving Sho there to help the doctor. You were having a fever all night long.”
Satoshi leaned towards Kazunari and pressed their foreheads together.
“You’re still having a fever now.”
Kazunari closed his eyes and enjoyed their closeness. This was what he wanted, what he always missed since he left Satoshi.
“Please rest well,” Satoshi whispered as he linked their hands together “You don’t know how much you’d scared me. I… I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”
“I’m sorry…” Kazunari murmured, but Satoshi shook his head.
“Don’t be so. I’m so happy that you’re safe.”
And Kazunari lay down on Satoshi’s lap, his hand refusing to let go of Satoshi’s. He closed his eyes, and suddenly, the woman’s voice echoed again in his mind. ‘Take care of the child’.
Kazunari’s eyes snapped open as he stared at Satoshi, who was looking back at him as if he knew what Kazunari was about to ask.
“Satoshi…” Kazunari breathed, and Satoshi smiled.
“Hm?”
“Can we…” Kazunari gulped. He didn’t know if it was okay. If Satoshi would agreed. But if… But if it was possible, then he had a way to get over their problem… They both had a chance. “… Can we, you know…?”
Satoshi grinned, and Kazunari could tell his heart was warmed up just by that grin.
“Yes,” Satoshi leaned down and kissed Kazunari’s forehead gently “Yes, we can.”
And Kazunari felt like crying. Was it real? Even in his dream, he could never think of this… It was more than just happiness, and he felt like his heart could jump out of this chest.
“We have a child,” Kazunari cried, and Satoshi’s hand came to Kazunari’s as they entwined their fingers together “Oh my God, we have a child…!”
Satoshi smiled and brought Kazunari’s hand to his lips as he kissed his knuckles softly, one by one.
“So stop thinking about running away from me, will you?” Satoshi teased softly, but Kazunari didn’t mind. He got up and threw himself into Satoshi’s welcoming arms, and for the first time in his life he felt like he could die from happiness. He buried his face to Satoshi’s neck, his tears wet Satoshi’s shirt, but none of them even cared.
“We will raise him together,” Satoshi murmured to Kazunari’s ear, his hand rubbing Kazunari’s back soothingly “And he’d become the greatest Prince ever.”
And all Kazunari could do was to nod. His voice had lost on the way from his heart to his throat, so he just kept on holding Satoshi tightly, feeling the happiness surrounding him after days of darkness.
And once again, he heard the woman’s voice, together with her smile in his mind.
‘There is always another choice, if you look for it really hard. Don’t give up so easily.’
Thank you, Kazunari could only mumble, thank you. And he felt like it would never enough to say thank you to her.
To the mother of their child.
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A/N: So... What do you think? I didn't think I'd write Ohmiya!Child one day, just because I've never thought of it and I'm still a little... uncomfortable with mpreg, so I choose another way for them to have a child :P Hope you like it ♥♥♥
And this is where I need your guys' help again T_____T As I said, I'm terrible at personal name (yes, I am), so I want to ask you... What should the child's name be?? It's a boy, okay, but I can't come up with anything but Kazutoshi and Satonari (bad, I know T_T). Can you please help me? Or is Arashi good? Something that relates to Ohmiya/Arashi, but also suitable for a child?
Thank you so much for your help!
Series: Castle Au
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: Kazunari finally realized there was only one thing he could never give Satoshi.
Beta-ed by potatoos ♥♥♥
A/N: For ichi_toshimiya's request and zero_shichi's request. I hope you'll like this dear ♥
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Satoshi didn’t know what the King was up to when he was called into his father’s private room on an early morning. He was barely awake, but Sho had knocked on the door and told him that the King wanted to meet him urgently so he should go change his clothes as soon as possible. Kazunari stirred on the bed and lazily opened his eyes. After giving Satoshi a questioning look, he sat up on the bed and rubbed his eyes sleepily.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” Satoshi said while donning on his formal clothes.
“Should I go with you?” Kazunari asked, though he didn’t look like he wanted to leave the bed so early in the morning, so Satoshi just smiled at him reassuringly.
“No, you should go back to sleep. It’s still early.”
Kazunari gave him a kittenish smile and Satoshi couldn’t help but place a slight kiss on Kazunari’s slightly pouting lips. Kazunari then lay down, and he was snoring away when Satoshi went out of their room as gently as he could and closed the door behind him.
---------------------------
Though Satoshi had prepared for something extraordinary to happen, but never this. He had never expected that his father would suggest to him something like this, and though he knew that his father was right, he was still totally against the idea and was not going to change his mind. His face turned slightly red as he protested heatedly.
“Dad, I’ll never marry someone else!!!”
“Don’t be so stubborn!” His Dad had said, and he looked determined, like he had always been considering about this. He just didn’t tell Satoshi yet, because he knew that Satoshi loved Kazunari and would never marry anyone else. But why now? Why now, when finally Satoshi had Kazunari’s heart, when they could finally be together, that his father suggested such a cruel thing?
“I know you love him, son,” his father’s voice softened “And I already allowed you to marry him, didn’t I? But you have to have children for this country’s sake! And how could he bear you a child? Did you ever think of that? This is no joke, because we need someone to become the next Prince of this country!”
“Dad!” Satoshi could feel his heart beat thunderously inside his chest. He thought of Kazunari’s eyes, how sad they would be if he ever told Kazunari this… No. He didn’t want to hurt Kazunari, but what else he could do…? “I… I just can’t. It’d hurt him!”
“Son,” His father tried to be patient “He must’ve foreseen this before becoming your wife, right? That some day you’d have to marry a woman who would give you a child… And there’s no way he could protest about this! It’s your responsibility to us!”
“No…!” Satoshi defended, though he didn’t know what else he could say. He didn’t want to have a child with any other woman, but it was a fact that Kazunari would never get pregnant… The thought wrenched Satoshi’s heart, as he knew his promise to never hurt Kazunari was slowly broken, because he had no good reason to refuse this, because he was going to be King, and because there’s going to be another Prince to take over him…
Satoshi hated the idea, but hated himself more for not be able to come up with any solution. So when his father told him to go away and ‘just think about it’, he left the room with heavy steps as he thought of Kazunari. Kazunari loved him, and he didn’t want to hurt Kazunari’s feelings… Even though he loved only Kazunari, Kazunari would never forgive him if he slept with someone else just to have a child…
And worst, maybe Kazunari’s love for him would also be gone.
Just thinking of that made Satoshi feel suffocated.
------------------------
“How was it?” Kazunari asked when Satoshi returned. He looked deeply troubld, and Kazunari got up, wondering what was wrong with his husband. He scooted closer to Satoshi who had just sat down silently on their bed and hugged Satoshi gently from behind “Satoshi?”
Satoshi gave a small smile when he felt the familiar warmth from Kazunari’s hug. He turned back and took Kazunari in his arms, his face buried into Kazunari’s neck as if wanted to feel all of him, to never let him go and to stay here beside him forever.
He didn’t want Kazunari to be sad, never, so he chose to lie.
“Nothing,” Satoshi murmured “Just… some business.”
“Really?” Kazunari sounded unconvinced, but he didn’t ask more. Satoshi just nodded.
He wished he could gather Kazunari in his arms and protect him forever, to never let him face any of this. If he had to confront it alone he would, just to keep Kazunari safe beside him. But somehow, he thought with a twist in his stomach that he was powerless. This wasn’t only his problem, but the whole country’s.
Satoshi decided to just close his eyes and temporarily forgot all the other things beside Kazunari’s warmth at this moment.
-------------------------
Satoshi could choose not to tell Kazunari anything, but the rumors were spreading as fast as light.
The day Kazunari found out about the truth, he felt like something had punched him in his face.
“Is that true?” He asked a female servant, who was talking to her friends about the rumors, and Kazunari had heard it by accident. But once he had discovered it, he could never pretend that he didn’t know.
“My… my highness?” Her voice raised an octave that she knew that she was in trouble. Prince Kazunari looked scarier than he had ever been.
“Is that true that Satoshi is going to marry someone else just to have a son?” Kazunari repeated with a surprisingly calm tone, and when the woman didn’t dare to utter a word, Kazunari just decided to ask Satoshi himself. Because this could never be true. This couldn’t be true. Satoshi had said that he loved him, right? And why would he ever think of having someone else? Why now, when they had decided to be with each other for the rest of their lives?
Though part of Kazunari understood. He understood why Satoshi was going to do that. He just didn’t want to admit that. He didn’t want to admit that he would never be enough for Satoshi, because he could never give Satoshi the only thing he needed the most.
A child.
Kazunari didn’t realize his eyes were burning, the tears were already there, but it looked stupid crying in front of people so he blinked it away angrily. He turned and ran, ignoring the panicked servants behind him and stormed out the hall and towards Satoshi’s fishing place, because he knew Satoshi was there. Satoshi was always there when he had to think clearly, and now, maybe Satoshi still had to think about this.
About his mistake to have Kazunari as his wife.
Kazunari would never want to admit that, but now the burning sensation wasn’t only within his heart but had already spread to his entire body, and he felt like an idiot living all the days without worrying about this - he should have guessed, he should have thought of this… Satoshi was nearly thirty, and he needed a son to be the Prince…
Kazunari hated that he was hurt, but he was and it hurt so much that it was hard to breathe.
Satoshi was sitting at his usual spot, his fishing rod lying on the floor, as if he hadn’t even started fishing yet. Kazunari caught his arms right when he reached him, and Satoshi was startled.
“Is that true?” He breathed heavily, the words that came out from his mouth was more bitter than he thought “You’re going to marry another girl?”
“Kazunari…” Satoshi looked scared, and the look gave Kazunari a painful wrench that he knew he was just making it harder for Satoshi. Because they both knew Satoshi had no choice “I…”
In a second, Kazunari wished Satoshi would deny it immediately. That it was just a rumor and Satoshi had never considered about that, and Satoshi would only love him and be with him forever. But the wavering look Satoshi was giving him told him the total opposite.
Satoshi was really considering this marriage.
Breathing suddenly became a hard task that Kazunari thought he couldn’t carry on anymore.
“So it’s true…” Kazunari whispered, his hand on Satoshi’s arm fell back to his side lifelessly. As if his heart was crushed into thousand of pieces, Kazunari felt the tears rolling down his cheeks.
“No, Kazu,” Satoshi looked like he had just snapped back to reality. He hastily wiped Kazunari’s tears away “No, I just… I just don’t know what to do now!”
Kazunari didn’t look at Satoshi in the eyes, but Satoshi made him, and he stared at those eyes he loved so much. Satoshi had that sad look that told him Satoshi was also not happy at all with this decision.
“I love you more than anyone else in the world,” Satoshi whispered, and Kazunari closed his eyes, feeling the pain rising, because he knew, love wasn’t enough. Love alone wasn’t enough to keep them together forever. There was still something else that was controlling their lives, and no matter how much they wanted to, they couldn’t fight against the whole world. “You must understand that.”
“I know,” Kazunari murmured. He knew. And he understood it clearly. But the pain just didn’t go away, because sometimes knowing something just made people hurt more than being oblivious “I know, Satoshi.”
“Please don’t be so sad,” Satoshi cried, and Kazunari couldn’t help but hugged Satoshi tightly. He knew he couldn’t do this to Satoshi. He couldn’t become Satoshi’s burden. He was putting Satoshi into an impasse, though he never wanted to do so. He wanted Satoshi to be happy. And by that, he had to sacrifice something that they both didn’t want to lose.
----------------------
That night when they were laying on their bed together, a deafening silence surrounded them. Kazunari listened to Satoshi’s even breathing beside him, his arms wrapped loosely around Satoshi’s waist. He stared into the darkness, feeling nothing except to wish for the night to not end, for them to be like this forever, for time to stop flowing, for the moment when Satoshi had to make his decision to never come. He couldn’t help but search for Satoshi’s hand - which took his nearly immediately when Kazunari’s fingertips touched it - to soothe the nerves bubbling inside him like poison.
Maybe, Kazunari thought, maybe…
Kazunari suddenly rolled onto his side and gazed into Satoshi’s eyes.
“Satoshi,” Kazunari whispered, and Satoshi turned to Kazunari. In the darkness of the night, Kazunari still saw Satoshi’s eyes gazing at him lovingly, but the sadness was there and Kazunari couldn’t bear it. He touched Satoshi’s eyes with his fingertips, his eyes closed on their own as he leaned in and kissed Satoshi softly on his lips.
“Take me,” Kazunari said in between kisses, and Satoshi’s eyes snapped open. Kazunari could sense the sudden tension in each of Satoshi’s muscle.
“What… are you sure?” Satoshi looked as though he couldn’t believe his ears, though his hand had already search for Kazunari’s warm skin under his shirt, and Satoshi was trembling, like he was doing something that he wasn’t allowed to. Kazunari sighed into the kiss as he pulled Satoshi closer, Satoshi’s hand felt amazing against his skin, because really, now the only thing that could help his wilted soul was Satoshi’s touches, and he wanted to feel them, he wanted Satoshi to take him right now. Because he had let Satoshi wait for so long.
He had been waiting for this for so long.
“Just make me yours,” Kazunari murmured in between kisses, and Satoshi lost all his ability to think properly. His hesitance was wiped away completely when Kazunari tugged at his shirt and tried to take it out, and Satoshi shuddered when their bare chests met each other. His hand searched for Kazunari’s desperately, and their fingers entwined together like a silent promise.
Suddenly, the world around them disappeared, leaving the two of them in their own world, with only happiness and tears all rolling together.
----------------------
The next day, Kazunari had gone.
Satoshi woke up without Kazunari’s warmth beside him, and at first, he didn’t think of it as a problem. Kazunari might want to be alone sometimes, and he would disappear like this, only show up at night when he had made up his mind.
But when Satoshi saw Kazunari’s paper on the table, with his uneven handwriting, Satoshi felt like his world had stopped somewhere between those words.
Satoshi,
Just do what you think is true. I won’t be a burden to you anymore.
I know you love me. And I love you too.
Please take care,
Kazu.
Kazunari had already made up his mind.
Kazunari had decided to leave Satoshi’s life, to give Satoshi an easier way to decide, to help Satoshi out of his own maze, to give him a solution.
And that only brought Satoshi to the verge of tears as his fear had finally come true.
-------------------
Kazunari thought that he was going the right way.
Or he had been going the right way, because now he had no idea where he was going.
Kazunari had taken his horse, early in the morning, forcing the servants to shut their mouths and left quietly and didn’t let anyone know where he was going. In fact, Kazunari didn’t know where he was going either. He just thought he needed to be away from Satoshi for a while, for both of them to think about this clearly, and for Satoshi to be able to decide. For what matter, Kazunari wanted to go to Jun’s country, but he got lost on the way and now he had no idea where he was heading towards.
Around Kazunari, the trees whispered and the birds chirped noisily. It was a peaceful morning, even the sunlight wasn’t burning like usual, but a warm sensation spread through Kazunari’s body from the patch of skin that was being warmed by the sunlight.
Despite everything around him, Kazunari’s heart couldn’t feel at peace at all, because Satoshi’s scent was still around him, reminding him just how much they loved each other and how much Satoshi meant to him, and how much he didn’t want to leave Satoshi. Their last night together would always be in Kazunari’s mind, because it was the first time he knew about Satoshi - a Satoshi that no one else could ever know, the Satoshi that was his and his only. Kazunari raised his palm to his face - this hand had been holding Satoshi’s for the whole night, and Kazunari kissed it slightly.
Where should he go from now? Kazunari looked around with a sigh. He was lost in a forest, with nothing but trees and wild animals running around him, with the odor of nature surrounding him welcomingly. He didn’t know whether he would be in Jun’s country when he had passed this forest and climbed over that hill? He wasn’t sure, but because he had no other choice now, Kazunari decided to just follow his instinct.
When he was on his way, he heard a sound. At first, it was small, but then it could be heard clearly, and Kazunari realized it was someone calling him. A woman’s voice. He frowned and stopped the horse. Someone was calling him, and he turned around to see a woman running toward him, her face red from exertion, and she stopped to breathe when Kazunari climbed down from the horse with a confused look on his face.
“Young boy, where are you going?” The woman asked, and Kazunari shook his head.
“It’s not really your business, is it?”
“No, but I have to tell you…” The woman’s breath slowed down as she smiled at him warmly “If you go any further you won’t be able to find any place to stay tonight. It takes a whole day to get out of this forest.”
“How do you know I want to get out of the forest?” Kazunari asked, and when the question came out his mouth, he suddenly felt stupid.
The woman arched an eyebrow, and then she just smiled.
“My house is nearby,” She said and gestured toward the left “You can stay for the night, and you could leave early in the morning tomorrow.”
Kazunari bit his lips. Should he agree? Because Kazunari wasn’t sure that he should believe her or not, but there was something in this woman that made Kazunari want to trust her already. She gave him the feeling of his mom, with her nice smile and her warm voice. Kazunari looked over the trees and pondered over the idea. He didn’t even know if Jun’s country was over there. Maybe he could spend the night here, and then he could consider and come up with another decision of where to go and what to do.
So finally, Kazunari nodded.
“Thank you.” He said.
The woman just smiled and hurried her way back to her house, and Kazunari took his horse and followed her. Just then, he realized something.
“Are you pregnant?”
The woman stopped and looked back at Kazunari, a faint pink colored her cheeks as she nodded in happiness.
“Congrats,” Kazunari faltered. He had never known what to say in this situation, and he looked abashed. The woman just smiled at him again.
“Thank you,” She said and slowed down her steps and walked side by side with Kazunari.
“Is it… uncomfortable?” Kazunari blurted out before he could hold himself back. The woman shrugged.
“It’s very uncomfortable,” She rubbed her tummy tenderly “But thinking that my child is there, it’s no longer that uncomfortable.”
“Oh…” Kazunari nodded. He couldn’t understand the feeling of having a person inside your tummy, no matter how hard he had imagined. He had thought about this, when he had pondered over and over the idea of how to have a child with Satoshi - but he knew that he could never, just because he was a man. Now all the pregnant-thing just reminded him of Satoshi, and he tried to shove it away, because really, he didn’t want to think about this upsetting thing anymore.
“But you know,” The woman continued, didn’t notice Kazunari’s trouble face “It’s weird, but at the same time very familiar. Someone is growing inside you, and you know that that’s you and your loved one’s treasure.”
“Who is the father?” Kazunari asked, and in a second he thought he saw the woman’s sad eyes.
“He’s gone.”
“What?” Kazunari frowned.
“He doesn’t want this,” The woman explained “He says he has a fiancée and now he can’t marry me.”
“How could he…?” Kazunari said angrily. This man had a child for himself and then he just didn’t want to admit it? When… when there was someone like him, craving for one and could never have!
“But it’s okay, really,” The woman added hastily “I’m happy enough with this. I love this child and will raise him, and he will know how great it is to be born.”
Kazunari almost asked ‘alone?’, but he knew it would only cut into this nice woman’s wound, so he just kept his mouth shut. An unexplainable envy aroused inside him, and Kazunari suddenly felt the need to find that stupid man and punched him on his face, telling him to treasure his precious child, because there were people who couldn’t have one themselves.
They approached the house in silence. It was only a small wooden house located at a vacant area of the forest. Around the house was a small garden with flowers, and Kazunari could see the well at the back of the house. A small noise and then a big dog ran out of the house and it stopped when it saw Kazunari, and then it barked angrily.
“It’s okay, Satoshi!”
Kazunari almost choked on his breath when the woman scratched the back of the dog coaxingly.
“Excuse me?” He didn’t realize his voice had risen, and the woman looked at him, surprised.
“This is my only friend here, his name is Satoshi.”
“What? You use a person’s name for… a dog?” Kazunari only realized that it was a rude question when he had already asked it. But the woman just smiled softly.
“He’s just like a person to me.”
Kazunari looked at the dog in abashment. He didn’t dare to come any closer, because it was staring at him as if he was its enemy and Kazunari didn’t want to die yet. So he stayed away from the dog, but it kept following him (very likely it was making sure he wouldn’t touch any of its stuff) everywhere.
The dinner was delicious. Kazunari didn’t remember when was the last time he had eaten something as great as this. The woman kept asking Kazunari where he was going lately and why, and Kazunari just smiled and tried to evade the questions by asking his own chain of questions.
“Are you happy?” He asked when they came back to the topic of the child, and the woman’s eyes sparkled in undeniable happiness.
“Of course I am.” She said cheerfully “I’m going to have a child, and how great it sounds!”
Kazunari smiled sadly, and as if the woman sensed it, she asked in concern.
“Why do you look so sad?”
“Ah, no…” Kazunari was about to brush the question off like all the others, but suddenly he got tired. He wanted to talk to someone about this thing which had been bugging his mind for a while, and it was burning inside him, so he just let himself being honest for the first time with this woman. “Actually, I… I have a problem.”
The woman blinked and smiled, encouraging him to continue. Kazunari took a deep breath.
“I can’t bear my beloved person a child, and that’s why I’m leaving him.”
“He made you leave him?” The woman rolled her eyes.
“No! It’s… my decision only.” Kazunari sighed. Satoshi might be hurt and might be trying to find him right now. Thinking about Satoshi only made his heart squirm.
“But why did you leave? Do you love him?”
“I love him!” Kazunari immediately answered “I love him very much…!”
“Then why is it a matter?” The woman shook her head “You two can live together without a child.”
“But he has to have one.” Kazunari bit his lips “He needs a son to inherit his… business, and I can’t… so, I left him… Maybe he would get married with another woman and…”
“And have a child with her?” The woman said softly, and those words stabbed Kazunari’s heart stronger than he had thought.
“Look, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” She said after a while “Do you think he wants a child with a person he doesn’t love when it’s the reason for you to leave him?”
Kazunari shook his head. He knew Satoshi wouldn’t be happy, but what else could he do? Satoshi was the Prince, and a Prince had responsibilities of a Prince to have another Prince.
“You guys should go through this together,” She continued “There is always another choice, if you look for it really hard. Don’t give up so soon.”
“But…” Kazunari was about to protest when the woman suddenly clutching her belly and her face turned sour. Kazunari immediately came beside her to support her. The dog stood up from its spot few seconds ago and ran to her also “What’s wrong?”
“My belly…” She breathed, and her face crumbled “Oh my God, I think I’m going to give birth soon…”
“What??!!!” Kazunari’s face turned pale, as the woman tried to move to the bed to lie down “Wait… Can’t you wait until morning?!”
“Are you stupid?!!” The woman snapped as she rolled onto the bed, her face turned red and she looked like she was going to break down. Sweat was all over her face and she was trembling badly. Satoshi - the dog ran to her and started licking her face, and it whined when it saw its owner in such bad pain.
“Wait …doctor! Where can we get a doctor??!” Kazunari panicked as he looked at the woman, all desperate and helpless.
“The village…” The woman panted heavily as she tried to talk “… one hour to the south…”
“One hour???!! It’ll be too long!!! You can’t wait that long, can you??” Kazunari scratched his head desperately.
The woman nodded weakly, and Kazunari looked outside. It was raining heavily, and he could smell the scent of wet earth rushed into his nose. He looked back at the woman, who was still in pain, as he took her hand and squeezed firmly.
“I’ll come back with a doctor,” he said, and the woman smiled at him as she nodded. He stood up and went outside, after making sure she was kept warm under the layers and the dog was beside her. He climbed up his horse and started running towards the village.
He had never been this panicky in his whole life, and he had never felt this important in his whole life either. He ran and tried to concentrate, making sure that he was still going the right path. The woman’s warm smile appeared again in his mind, and somehow he missed his mom so much.
His mom had died giving birth to him.
He wiped his eyes with his palm, and never once in his life was he this determined. He had to do it, he had to bring the doctor back, he had to help her like how she had helped him with her kind words.
She had told him that he could be with Satoshi. She had told him that they could still find a way to be together.
So he ran, and ran, until he found his vision blurring, the rain was heavier with each of the horse’s steps, but Kazunari didn’t slow down. He couldn’t.
--------------------------
The woman was still groaning in pain when Kazunari came back. He couldn’t believe it. He had made it. He had brought the doctor - who hadn’t been informed anything but Kazunari’s panicky incoherent words, and being dragged here at midnight - and he was examining the woman carefully.
“Okay, try to breathe,” The doctor said coaxingly, and the woman cried again. Kazunari could only pray, because he couldn’t say if anything was okay, because the woman looked like she was going to die at any time now. Giving birth might be the most hurtful work on Earth, Kazunari thought.
“You’re the father?” The doctor asked hurriedly, and Kazunari startled.
“No, I…”
“She’s in a very bad state right now,” The doctor said, he didn’t slow down in checking the woman’s temperature, pulse and tried to make place for the baby. Kazunari could tell somehow, because the woman looked exhausted now, her hand clutching the bed sheet tightly, and her face was pale as she breathed so fast that she couldn’t utter a word. “There are only two choices: save the mother, or save the child.”
“What?!!” No, Kazunari wanted to shout, because her will was to live with her child. It wouldn’t make any sense if only one of them was alive.
“If she tries to get the child out, she could be bleeding to death,” The doctor said quickly “And here we have nothing to stop the bleeding.”
“But…” Kazunari’s head spun around. He started to get dizzy. The cold was seeping into him, and he found everything spinning around him.
“My child…” The woman breathed, and Kazunari immediately came to take her hand “Save my child…”
“But you…” Kazunari’s heart fell.
“Just save… the child…” She whispered, and Kazunari still saw the happiness inside her deep brown eyes “… Please…”
“I can’t…” Kazunari didn’t realize that he was crying until he felt hot on his face “No, you can’t die…”
“Please…” She murmured, and her voice lowered, until it was hard to hear “… take care… of it…”
Kazunari could stop the tears from rolling - it was the first time he had cried for a stranger - not really a stranger, because she had helped him so much, but - He couldn’t think clearly when everything just suddenly went dark as he fell into unconsciousness.
---------------------------
The next time he woke up, he was in a strange room.
He didn’t remember how he got there at all. He stared at the feeling, and slowly, the memory came back from when he left the palace and then first met the nice woman, she was going to give birth, he was taking the doctor back from the village… and her decision to save her child and not herself…
Kazunari jumped on his bed. How long had he been sleeping? How was she? How was the child? How did he end up here…
“You should rest more,” A voice resounded from his left side, and Kazunari’s pulse quickened as he realized the familiar voice - the voice he had been yearning to hear since he left the palace, the voice that sounded tired, angry, and maybe disappointed at him - the voice he still hadn’t had enough courage to face its owner yet. Slowly, he turned his head towards the source of that voice and found himself staring at the person he loved the most in the world.
“How is she?” Was the first thing Kazunari could say. Satoshi sat down beside Kazunari, and his eyes were so sad that it hurt Kazunari inside.
“I’m sorry…” Satoshi whispered, and Kazunari’s tears rolled down again. Satoshi pulled him into a hug, and Kazunari welcomed Satoshi’s warmth around him almost immediately. He wrapped his arms around Satoshi, and tried to feel Satoshi’s solid body against him. His tears kept rolling and he didn’t know that he could cry so much in only a few days.
“You did your best to save her,” Satoshi said, and Kazunari just shook his head. He couldn’t help her, after all. She was the one who helped him so much, but he couldn’t help her back…
“The child is alive, though…” Satoshi added, and Kazunari immediately pulled back, his eyes once again hopeful.
“Really?” Kazunari asked in awe.
“Yes,” Satoshi smiled softly as he brushed away the strand of hair on Kazunari’s forehead “You did well, Kazu. You saved him.”
“It’s a boy?” Kazunari still couldn’t believe it… The child was still alive…
“Yes,” Satoshi chuckled.
Kazunari smiled the first genuine smile, he didn’t know why, but he kept smiling and smiling, until the happiness was there again and he felt like he could burst out crying any moment.
But then, he realized something. He snapped his head up and stared at Satoshi.
“Why are you here?”
“Hm?” Satoshi took Kazunari’s hand in his and played with his fingers “You think I’d let my wife disappear and not look for him?”
“But… how did you know…” Kazunari stuttered. Satoshi needed only two days to find him? What a failure he was running away.
“A friend of mine told me he saw you near this village… last night,” Satoshi said “When you’re looking for the doctor. I immediately came here, but you weren’t here anymore.”
“I asked the doctor’s wife and knew that you took him to a small house in the forest, and it took me a while to reach here. The doctor couldn’t be happier to see us, because he didn’t know how to take care of both of you - you had fainted because of the cold and maybe exertion, and she… she was bleeding badly.”
Kazunari bit his lips. That was when he didn’t remember anything around him…
“And I brought you back here after leaving Sho there to help the doctor. You were having a fever all night long.”
Satoshi leaned towards Kazunari and pressed their foreheads together.
“You’re still having a fever now.”
Kazunari closed his eyes and enjoyed their closeness. This was what he wanted, what he always missed since he left Satoshi.
“Please rest well,” Satoshi whispered as he linked their hands together “You don’t know how much you’d scared me. I… I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”
“I’m sorry…” Kazunari murmured, but Satoshi shook his head.
“Don’t be so. I’m so happy that you’re safe.”
And Kazunari lay down on Satoshi’s lap, his hand refusing to let go of Satoshi’s. He closed his eyes, and suddenly, the woman’s voice echoed again in his mind. ‘Take care of the child’.
Kazunari’s eyes snapped open as he stared at Satoshi, who was looking back at him as if he knew what Kazunari was about to ask.
“Satoshi…” Kazunari breathed, and Satoshi smiled.
“Hm?”
“Can we…” Kazunari gulped. He didn’t know if it was okay. If Satoshi would agreed. But if… But if it was possible, then he had a way to get over their problem… They both had a chance. “… Can we, you know…?”
Satoshi grinned, and Kazunari could tell his heart was warmed up just by that grin.
“Yes,” Satoshi leaned down and kissed Kazunari’s forehead gently “Yes, we can.”
And Kazunari felt like crying. Was it real? Even in his dream, he could never think of this… It was more than just happiness, and he felt like his heart could jump out of this chest.
“We have a child,” Kazunari cried, and Satoshi’s hand came to Kazunari’s as they entwined their fingers together “Oh my God, we have a child…!”
Satoshi smiled and brought Kazunari’s hand to his lips as he kissed his knuckles softly, one by one.
“So stop thinking about running away from me, will you?” Satoshi teased softly, but Kazunari didn’t mind. He got up and threw himself into Satoshi’s welcoming arms, and for the first time in his life he felt like he could die from happiness. He buried his face to Satoshi’s neck, his tears wet Satoshi’s shirt, but none of them even cared.
“We will raise him together,” Satoshi murmured to Kazunari’s ear, his hand rubbing Kazunari’s back soothingly “And he’d become the greatest Prince ever.”
And all Kazunari could do was to nod. His voice had lost on the way from his heart to his throat, so he just kept on holding Satoshi tightly, feeling the happiness surrounding him after days of darkness.
And once again, he heard the woman’s voice, together with her smile in his mind.
‘There is always another choice, if you look for it really hard. Don’t give up so easily.’
Thank you, Kazunari could only mumble, thank you. And he felt like it would never enough to say thank you to her.
To the mother of their child.
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A/N: So... What do you think? I didn't think I'd write Ohmiya!Child one day, just because I've never thought of it and I'm still a little... uncomfortable with mpreg, so I choose another way for them to have a child :P Hope you like it ♥♥♥
And this is where I need your guys' help again T_____T As I said, I'm terrible at personal name (yes, I am), so I want to ask you... What should the child's name be?? It's a boy, okay, but I can't come up with anything but Kazutoshi and Satonari (bad, I know T_T). Can you please help me? Or is Arashi good? Something that relates to Ohmiya/Arashi, but also suitable for a child?
Thank you so much for your help!