[One-shot] When he wasn't looking (Part 2)
Title: When he wasn't looking (Part 2)
Pairing: Ohmiya, Juntoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, romance
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story @_@
Summary: Not all the time he noticed those messages Nino was sending him when he wasn't looking. When he finally did, was it too late already?
Beta-ed by potatoos , of course ♥ ♥ ♥
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The next morning, Ohno woke up before he felt Nino stirring beside him.
He opened his eyes and saw Nino opened his, too. Nino stared at him for a minute before he jumped up from his bed and his eyes widened in disbelief.
“Why are you here??” Nino asked, confused. Ohno looked at him, just as confused. Nino looked around, as if trying to recall something, but he failed miserably. Ohno frowned slightly.
“I’ve been here since last night.”
“What? Why didn’t you wake me up? I didn’t know you were here!” Nino looked abashed, and Ohno couldn’t help but chuckled quietly. Nino’s ears reddened obviously.
“You knew I was here, didn’t you? You talked to me!”
“What…?” Nino’s jaw dropped and he looked at Ohno, apparently recalled something from last night. “No way… I thought I was dreaming…!”
“No, you weren’t. Because I was here.” Ohno said. Nino’s face turned pale.
“Ohno-san, no, please forget it…” Nino pleaded, his lips trembling “I didn’t intend to say so, please forget whatever I said…”
“Why?” Ohno asked, feeling disappointed.
“Please… Just…” Nino almost cried.
“What if I don’t want to forget?” Ohno said stubbornly. Nino’s eyes widened at him.
“Ohno-san, you… don’t make it harder for me!” Nino looked away to hide the tears in his eyes “I’m sorry that… I’m sorry, but I can’t… I tried to forget you, I really did, but…”
“You tried to forget me?” Ohno asked, his voice softened. Nino looked scared.
“I’m sorry that I love you…!” Nino burst out, finally let go of his tears. He buried his face to his knee, avoiding Ohno’s stare on him. He had moved as far away from Ohno as possible, as now he was sitting close to the wall. His voice broken “I know I shouldn’t… I know you and Jun… But I can’t…”
“Nino…”
“Please… Please just forget all this, okay? I don’t want to bother you…”
“Nino!”
Nino stopped, his shoulder was still shaking. He knew Nino was crying, and he didn’t want to see Nino cry. Why had he always not noticed this? That Nino was broken, that Nino was holding inside his love for him? Why was he being so selfish?
“Nino, you don’t need to sorry about anything!” Ohno sat on the bed, scooted closer to Nino, who was still avoiding his look. “I don’t want to forget, because I…”
He swallowed. Because of what? Ohno Satoshi, what do you really feel about Nino?
“… Nino, please look at me.” Ohno said quietly, and Nino shook his head. He couldn’t face Ohno now, not when Ohno had known how much Nino loved him and how hurt he was when Ohno was with Jun. He just couldn’t face Ohno right now.
“Please,” Ohno said, and with gentle hands he lifted Nino’s head up. Looking at him was Nino’s eyes, full of tears and fear, and something that Ohno couldn’t put a name. Something like pleading and wishing and hoping, and also loving.
And Ohno didn’t think much as he just did what he wanted right now. He leaned in and kissed Nino’s eyes gently.
“You have Jun…” Nino mumbled, distracted by the way Ohno’s breath ghosting his face. Their faces were so close, and Nino couldn’t remember when was the last time he could feel their closeness as clearly as this.
“I know, but…” Ohno started. How could he say this and not freak Nino out or make Nino think he was just playing around? “… It’s you that I’m always thinking about.”
Nino’s sad eyes were so painful that Ohno didn’t want to see them ever again.
“Ohchan…” Nino said, his voice lowered to a breath “You know you can’t… You can’t do that to Jun…”
“But I can’t do this to you either.” Ohno bit his lips “I’m sorry I have never realized how much you had hurt… I wish I had realized your feelings sooner.”
“Ohchan, it’s too late saying that now.”
“But…”
Before he could finish, Nino had pulled him close, and their lips met almost immediately. Nino was kissing him desperately, he could tell, by the way Nino pleaded him silently for permission, by the way Nino caressed every corner of his mouth he was allowed to. As if it was the very first and last time Nino could kiss him like this, his arms around Ohno tightened and it was almost suffocating. For a moment, Ohno was caught off guard and he didn’t kiss Nino back, but when Nino’s tear rolled down and Ohno could feel the despair in Nino’s kiss, he returned it as passionate as he could.
Somehow, it felt right kissing Nino like this.
When Nino pulled back, he didn’t look at Ohno’s face. Ohno was still in a daze with the sudden realization, so he didn’t see Nino’s eyes closed in pain as he stood up from the bed, turning his back to Ohno and said brokenly.
“You should go home,” Nino mumbled.
“Nino…” Ohno frowned, his mind hadn’t functioned properly. Nino was trying his best to not look too pathetic in front of Ohno, so he just put on his shirt and went wash his face when Ohno following him to the bathroom.
“Or I will give you a ride. We have filming together today, anyway.”
“Nino, we should tal…”
“We should forget about this!” Nino snapped, a hint of real anger in his voice. Maybe Nino was disappointed with himself, to let Ohno know it this way. Now everything was a mess between them. Ohno looked at Nino’s back, stunned, and retreated to Nino’s room. He waited for another half an hour before Nino went out and ready to go to the studio together, without any words exchanged between them anymore. Ohno was scared of bringing up the topic, and Nino seemed have no intention to talk about that either.
Ohno had never known that there was something inside Nino that had broken, together with that kiss, Nino had nothing to hold back anymore, and Nino was going to give up. Five months were enough to be hurt endlessly, to spend his days in the darkness and tears, and Nino was going to move on, no matter how hurt it could be for him.
Ohno didn’t know, so he didn’t have the chance to stop Nino either.
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When the rumor broke, Ohno couldn’t feel anything but frustration which was bubbling like poison in his chest. He stared at the newspaper for minutes before Jun sat beside him and peered to the title.
“Oh,” Jun chucked boringly “They did that again, huh? Poor Nino.”
“What?” Sho asked from his changing room, and ducked his head out when Aiba offered him his belt.
“The new rumor about Nino,” Aiba sighed and pushed his bag aside, plopped down onto the sofa with crossed arms. “They never know when to leave people alone.”
“But is it true, anyway?” Sho asked thoughtfully, walking out the changing room. His eyes darted around and caught Ohno staring at the newspaper blankly, and he frowned slightly. “Ohno-san?”
Ohno snapped up from the paper and looked at Sho, confused. “What?”
“You’re the closet with Nino,” Sho said “So is it true that he’s dating that girl?”
“I don’t know,” Ohno bit his lips “I didn’t hear anything from him…”
“I think he likes her a lot,” Aiba said “I know something about this, and he sometimes mentions about her. But even if they are dating, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
“Is she… a nice girl?” Ohno asked, feeling strange at his own voice. He didn’t know that his heart could beat this fast with the mention of Nino with some strange girl… like this. Didn’t Nino love him…? Or Nino had decided to stop that and now he had finally found a new one? So Ohno now was nothing but a friend to Nino?
“Hm… I think she is,” Aiba said after a while “At least, that’s what Nino tells me. He said he felt peaceful when he was with her.”
Ohno’s heart tightened, as if something was clawing and leaving wounds all over it. It was hard to not notice the pain spreading from his chest to his entire body. He put down the paper and leaned back, crossing his arms, acting as if it was nothing, but his pulse was racing furiously.
He felt peaceful when he was with her.
Aiba’s voice echoed in his mind, and he remembered Nino’s tears when he was in love with him. He could do nothing for Nino but make him cry time and again. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe Nino finding someone was for the best.
Though it was for the best, it still hurt knowing about it. Ohno closed his eyes, trying to erase the unreasonable tears tingling there.
He had Jun. He had chosen Jun in the first place, and who was he to feel hurt when Nino found someone?
He didn’t have the right to.
But still, it hurt.
The door opened and silence fell between them, and Nino stepped into the green room, his eyes were still sleepy and his hair was messy.
“Sorry, I overslept.” Nino informed and yawned. He looked better than the last time Ohno saw him - when he spent the night at Nino and looked at his face… Until now, the shared kiss was still lingering in Ohno’s mind, refusing to leave, and he knew that he wanted it to happen again. He was waiting for it to happen again, though he knew it was wrong. It was wrong for both Nino and Jun, the persons he loved the most, and he just couldn’t do that. He just couldn’t do that to them.
“Nino, is this true?” Jun waved the paper towards Nino, who looked at him with arched and curious eyes.
“What?” Nino grunted and came to take the paper. “Oh.”
The four pairs of eyes came to him and Nino rolled his eyes at his friends.
“Come on, guys, it’s not that weird I’m having a girlfriend!!”
“What? She’s really your girlfriend??” Three voices cried at once and Nino just shrugged with a smirk on his face.
“So? There are two couples in this group, and it’s only me who could have a girlfriend, right?”
“But you never tell us…” Sho started.
“I have no chance, that’s all.” Nino sighed “It’s not a big deal, okay? I’m sorry that they got the news too fast, I’ll be careful the next time.”
“You better be,” Aiba smiled and came to pat Nino’s back friendly “Anyway, our Kazu had grown up!”
“Of course I have!” Nino protested, and the smile formed on his lips showed them that Nino was gradually back to his old self.
From his seat, Ohno eyed Nino quietly from the start. His heart constricted seeing Nino’s smile, and he knew what he was feeling was not important anymore. Nino was happy, that was all he could wish for, and even though - the pain returned as if someone had stabbed in his chest - even though he was not the one that could make Nino happy, it was still fine.
He didn’t look at Nino longer to notice the bags under Nino’s eyes, to notice Nino’s smile dropped almost immediately when the managers came and called them to get ready. He didn’t look at Nino longer to see how Nino’s eyes became hollow after that, as Nino quietly took his clothes and went to the changing room. He didn’t look at Nino longer to see Nino shooting a furtive look at him, and looked away immediately after that with undeniable sad eyes.
He didn’t look at Nino longer to realize that it was all a lie, that Nino was still in love with him and everything he was doing was just to make Ohno believe that he had been over him, and Ohno could no longer be worried about him.
He didn’t look at Nino, so he didn’t know. And because he didn’t know, the hurt in his chest couldn’t lessen and he found like he had lost something that was the most important to him.
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When he suggested to break up, Jun looked at him with astonished yet hurt eyes that Ohno thought he couldn’t bear with them anymore.
“Why?” Jun’s voice broke, and Ohno avoided his stare as much as possible. Jun was still gentle, but the way his lips tightened while waiting for Ohno’s answer, Ohno knew Jun was losing his temper.
“Because…” Ohno started. Because of what? Even that, Ohno couldn’t explain it himself. Because my mind was too occupied with Nino these days that I barely thought about you? Because the one I was missing everyday was Nino but not you? Or the one who made my heart beat in strange way, the one who could warm my heart just by his slightest care was Nino, not you?
He just couldn’t tell Jun that.
“I think,” Ohno swallowed hard “We need to keep some distance. I don’t understand my feelings anymore.”
“Is it because of Nino?” Jun gritted his teeth. Ohno’s eyes widened at the younger guy. There was hurt, also disappointment and anger in Jun’s eyes. He needed to look away before nodding. He couldn’t hide anything from Jun.
“But he has a girlfriend.” Jun’s voice was shaking, and Ohno felt guilt rising up like bile in his throat.
“I know,” he mumbled. Jun stared at him in disbelief. Ohno continued when he felt Jun’s intense gaze on him. “I… I just don’t want to hurt you, Jun.”
“This hurt me!” Jun snapped, but immediately shut up when he saw Ohno’s sad eyes on him.
“Lying to you would hurt you more,” Ohno said, a little tired. He took a deep breath before continued “Jun, I’m sorry, I don’t deserve your love. Please… find someone who loves you… more than I ever did.”
Jun bit his lips, his eyes were still looking straight at Ohno, and Ohno could see the tears were there. But Jun refused to cry. Jun was always strong, and crying wasn’t his type, so he turned and stormed away, leaving Ohno behind, lost and exhausted all of sudden.
Maybe it was his punishment, he thought bitterly. He had hurt both persons he loved the most, and now he was all alone, with the unspeakable love in his heart, feeling lonely and all cold by his side.
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The green room was dark when he returned. Everyone had gone home. He had waited to make sure that Jun had gone home too, as he didn’t want to face any of them right now. He wanted to be alone. Maybe he would go fishing tomorrow, to back to his calm self and until then he could think properly. Now every feeling was mixed inside him, churning and rolling, and it suffocated him. He didn’t want to think, he didn’t want to talk anymore.
He switched on the light, and when his eyes adjust to the sudden brightness in the room, his heart nearly jumped out of his ribcages when he saw someone was still sitting there on the sofa.
Nino was staring at him with unreadable eyes. Angry, maybe.
He retreated a step backwards, but there was no use turning back right now. Nino stood up and came to him, his eyes was glued to Ohno, glaring in frustration.
“Why?” Nino grinded his teeth. “Why, Ohchan?”
“What…?” Ohno stuttered, automatically stepping back.
“Jun told us what happened. Why?” Nino’s eyes fired with anger, and Ohno felt like his tired heart sighing. Get out of here, was all he could think of.
“Don’t think of running away!” Nino snapped, his arm already reached out and pulled the door close. Ohno heard the click behind him, sweat rolled down on his face.
“Now, tell me,” Nino demanded harshly “Why?”
“Why what?” Ohno asked defensively. Nino took another step toward and Ohno retreated again, his back touched the door behind.
“Why did you do that?” Nino repeated, no longer holding himself back.
“Did what? Breaking up with Jun??” Ohno raised his voice, and he found himself being strangely calm. He knew he would have to confront this, sooner or later, though he didn’t want to face it so soon.
Nino arched his eyebrows, waiting for the answer. Ohno swallowed the lump in his throat.
“I think you know the reason,” He stated calmly, and Nino’s eyes wavered for a moment. He could see the hope which was hidden behind the harsh look.
“I don’t know,” Nino said slowly.
“After that day,” Ohno’s voice softened “After that day when you kissed me…”
Nino looked scared of the mention of that memory. Ohno gathered all his courage when he continued.
“…I can’t forget about you.”
Nino’s eyes widened, and in a second Ohno thought Nino was going to run away, just like that time. But Nino stood root to the floor, his eyes searching for Ohno’s, asking for something Ohno couldn’t quite decipher.
“You know, I…” Ohno tried to search for the right word. He had failed in telling Nino once, and he wasn’t going to let it happen again “I think, something has changed between me and Jun. I… keep thinking about you, to the point that I can’t say it’s friendship anymore. Me and Jun, we may love each other that we wanted to be together for the moment…”
Nino stiffened, and stepped back, but Ohno caught his arm tightly.
“… But I want to be with you forever, Nino.”
Nino’s breath seemed stop at the moment. Ohno continued sadly.
“Even though I know you have a girlfriend and you have forgotten about me, I still want to be with you. I… won’t ask you to stay with me,” Ohno quickly added “I just… I just want to stay beside you as much as I’m allowed to.”
Nino didn’t say a thing and also he didn’t move. Ohno’s heart fell at the lack of reaction, his hand dropped and left Nino’s, and he withdrew his hand with a sad smile.
“I’m helpless being in love with you like that.”
And he knew it was over. There was nothing between them at the very beginning, and it had never been anything between them all these years. There might be love for each other, there might be affection, but it had never developed to anything that he wanted it to become. It was his fault, after all, and he knew he must accept it, no matter how hard it was.
“I’m sorry,” He said and turned away, before he felt a pair of strong arms pulling him back and pressed him to the wall behind. Nino was so closed to him, his breath ghosting over his cheeks, his hands put by his sides to prevent him from turning around again. Nino breathed, his voice was not more than a whisper.
“I gave up on you because it was Jun,” Nino breathed “I couldn’t… because it was you and Jun.”
“Nino?” Ohno noticed how Nino was trembling, and Nino leaned closer to him until their chest met, and Nino was hugging him, his arms clung around him desperately.
“I won’t let you go,” Nino whispered “I won’t let you go, Ohchan, I don’t want to let you go …!”
“But, Nino, your girlfriend…” Ohno started.
“It was a lie,” Nino said, his face buried into the crook of Ohno’s neck “It was all a lie, Ohchan. I don’t have one. She’s just a friend.”
“But…”
“I told her to be my girlfriend, because I knew you would be worried knowing that I still love you.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me…?” Ohno cried, his arms around Nino tightened.
“You had Jun, and not in my sweetest dream I could imagine that you’d love me back.” Nino whispered, there was hint of a smile in his voice.
“I’m sorry,” Ohno said, but Nino cut him off.
“Shh, don’t apologise,” Nino kissed Ohno’s ear lightly “Just say you love me.”
“I love you,” Ohno smiled, he repeated with an urgent voice, worried that if he stopped, Nino would disappear somehow. “I love you, Nino.”
And Nino grinned, Ohno felt like the sun had finally risen after countless rainy days. It warmed him to his core, and he hugged Nino tighter, his eyes tingling with tears and he cried in happiness. He felt Nino’s lips searching for his, and after a long time of wanting and wishing, once again their lips met welcomingly. And this time, it took Ohno no time to kiss Nino back, as he searched for the warmth he had been longing for for such a long time. Nino smiled into the kiss, his eyes closed, and they tried to make up for the time they weren’t together as the kisses turned desperate and fierce at the same time. Neither of them wanted to stop - they wanted to keep kissing like this forever, didn’t want to once again feel the loneliness when they pulled away from each other.
When they finally parted, both were breathing hard, but happy smiles were evident on their faces. Nino leaned into him, their foreheads touching, and Ohno felt like he was the happiest person in the world when Nino whispered the words back, just as sweetly.
And this time, he finally noticed, how much Nino loved him and how his love had never changed after those times. He finally noticed the lovely look Nino was giving him, finally noticed how much Nino wanted this, just as much as him. He finally noticed Nino’s hand reaching for his back, and pulled him closer until they were glued together, until their warmth overlapped and Ohno could smell Nino’s scent, the familiar scent that he loved so much.
He finally realized what he needed, and this time, he would never let it go again.
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A/N: Well, Juntoshi's fan please don't kill me, okay? XD
Part 1