Kanjani8 - Third Wheel - Yoko/Maru
Title: Third Wheel
Fandom: Kanjani8
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yoko/Maru (and a tiny bit of MaruBaru)
Disclaimer: This is a fictional situation.
Notes: Written for 4evamangafan at k8_exchange. ♥
It’s not that Yoko’s sensitive. It’s that they really are ignoring him.
It all starts on that stupid onsen trip. The one he only barely agreed to go on in the first place, grudgingly ended up enjoying himself on the first ill-fated day.
The thing that Yoko should have been wary of is hanging out with Maru. He’s warm and open and it makes people gravitate to him, but then he’s also silly, so it often ends in some kind of groping. You’d think it would be worse on the stage, when they’re doing it for a reason, but with Maru it’s the same on as it is off. Although Yoko often finds himself outside of the action.
This is because they really are ignoring him.
The trip to the onsen is fine; they laugh together on the way there and are in good spirits when they check in to their rooms. Maru decides to explore the grounds first, while Yoko and Yasu are anxious to get into the hot springs, but they all converge together after a while, just in time for Yoko to start feeling woozy from the sake.
At first he thinks it’s his imagination; it seems like Maru and Yasu are getting closer and closer together in the water. But it isn’t his imagination at all when Yasu winds up halfway in Maru’s lap, cuddled against his chest, and they’re making kissyfaces and silly noises and seem completely lost in their own little world.
Something stings in his chest while he watches them and he squeezes his knees with his hands. He’s loathe to admit that he’s bothered by it, but there he is, glaring daggers at the both of them. It’s not that he’s jealous, no. It’s not that he wants them to come up and sit on his lap and snuggle against his chest. It’s that they’re not paying any attention to him and they clearly don’t need him to be here on this trip at all!
“Guys…?” he says, meekly. But the timing is unfortunate, as it comes out right when Yasu laughs, so no one hears him yet again. They’ll be here for the whole weekend and already on the first day he’s just an unnecessary piece of baggage.
After they’re good and soaked and ready for a meal, they all dry off and don robes. He can’t help but notice that Yasu and Maru are still acting like a couple on their honeymoon, helping each other get dressed and whispering so that they can only hear each other.
Yoko coughs. It takes them a moment to look up, but when they do, it’s awkward because he has nothing to say. Other than "Stop it!" but he doesn’t know if that would go over well.
“What’s wrong, Yuu-chin?” Maru asks, cutely. Yoko just grumbles something mostly inaudible, but he must look so pathetic that Maru comes and wraps an arm around his shoulders. It makes Yoko’s cheeks feel hot, and then an instant later it makes him feel incredibly stupid. So he slinks out of Maru’s grasp, but he still feels the warmth of Maru’s arm on his back even after he walks away.
---
The next incident also involves Maru. Yoko is beginning to notice a pattern. Maybe Maru does this intentionally. It would be just like him! But actually, no. No, it wouldn’t be like him at all. And that only makes it worse.
This time it’s Maru and Subaru and Yoko in the dressing room just before a show, all by themselves. Or maybe it’s just Subaru and Maru by themselves and Yoko has been rendered invisible; he’s not really sure.
Maru is lying on his back on the couch, up against the corner, and Subaru starts out perched on the armrest but ends up lying down against the length of Maru’s body somehow. It happens so fast that Yoko doesn’t even notice.
They start acting the way they do when they’re together, which is incomprehensible to anyone else. They’re sort of laughing and fooling around and they start pretending to kiss each other, making kissing noises with their mouths separated by Maru’s hand. Yoko changes into his opening costume in the corner while the two of them are still wearing the jeans that they arrived in. They keep fooling around for what feels like forever. But Yoko has known those two for so long that he’s used to it by now.
What he’s not used to is the two of them unabashedly making out right in front of him. Yoko does a double-take at first. He tries to rationalize what he’s seeing in front of him, but there is no other conclusion he can come to. There is tongue. And they’re still making those kissing noises while the couch groans under the weight of both of them.
Yoko looks around because maybe someone else is in the room and they can pinch him and let him know that this is indeed what he is seeing. But it’s just him, all alone.
“Um, hello?” Yoko says.
They don’t hear him, or they just don’t pay attention to him. It’s probably well beyond just playing around now, but he knows they’ll still play it off like they’re joking. Because that’s what they do. Yoko starts to feel a little hot in his cheeks again. The same way he did at the onsen. And he still doesn’t understand it completely because he’s not sure if he wants to be on the couch making out with his bandmates. He can’t imagine that leading anywhere other than completely awkward. It’s why he deflected Maru the one time he tried to give him a drunk kiss.
They’re so into what they’re doing on the couch that they also don’t hear when Hina opens the door without warning, shouting before he’s even inside the room.
“Are you guys com…” He stops short, looks at the couch, then at Yoko, then gives an awkward smile. “…ing?”
“About to,” Yoko mutters quietly.
Subaru laughs with his head back and Maru pushes him off playfully. Maybe Yoko’s making too big a deal out of it. Maybe they were just playing…
“Ready for the show, Yokocho?” Maru asks.
“Looks like you already put one on…” Yoko says before he can stop himself.
“Then we’re all warmed up!” Subaru winks, Maru laughs. And Yoko scowls.
---
The final straw is when Yoko starts to notice Maru doing it with Hina. Hina’s a special case because he doesn’t actually return any of Maru’s affection. Other than with a good smack, but maybe that’s affectionate to them. Yoko doesn’t know, nor does he want to know, but it’s maddening because he’s starting to realize that lately every time he’s left out, it has to do with Maru.
The three of them are out having dinner after a TV filming. They’re in a booth with Maru and Hina on one side and Yoko on the other. Maru keeps doing silly things for attention and Hina keeps giving it to him in the form of abuse, which only makes Maru grin brightly and do it all over again.
“Shin-chan~” Maru says. “Let’s go to Macau again.”
This makes Yoko’s cheeks hot in the other kind of way because Hina doesn’t even like Macau as much as he does! And how could he not be invited when he’s right there!
“Yeah, okay.” Hina grins at him. “What about next month?”
Yoko swears they’re going to start cuddling and kissing, too. Even though he knows that probably won’t happen. Although Hina’s on his third drink, and Yoko knows how he gets when he’s been drinking…
Maybe they are sitting a little closer than they usually do. Yoko shifts in his seat and tries to see them from a different angle. It looks like they are, to him. There is enough room to fit two other people on either side of them, at any rate.
“What?” Hina asks while Yoko is slouching into the table trying to see them from a lower point of view.
“Nothing…” Yoko says. “I need the bathroom.”
He wonders, as he’s walking to the back of the restaurant, if he can just slip out the back door right now. He doesn’t have to tell them why or where he went. He doesn’t owe that to them. He can do whatever he wants. He takes out his cell phone, just to send a quick message that he’s leaving, but then he wonders why he has to do that at all.
They won’t even notice that he’s gone!
He starts to leave, then remembers his wallet is still in the booth. The one time he didn’t leave it in his pocket, of course. Maybe he’ll go back to the booth and they’ll be so busy making out they won’t even see him getting his wallet. He plans his escape. Grab it and go. Even if they do pay attention to him.
When he arrives back at the booth, it’s just Maru sitting there alone.
“Where’d he go?” Yoko asks.
“Had to make a phone call,” Maru says. “Is something wrong?”
“No…” Yoko says. “But I’m leaving.”
“Why?” Maru blinks.
Remember the plan. Grab it and go.
“I dunno,” Yoko says. “Just have to.”
“Okay…” Maru says. He looks worried and the tone of his voice matches. “See you later?”
Yoko sighs. Maru looks up at him, concerned, and Yoko doesn’t know what to say. He wants to run. Grab it and go! The plan has already long since failed, and Yoko especially doesn’t want to be there when Hina gets back, because Hina’s so nosy he’ll want to know exactly where he’s going and why and if it sounds interesting maybe he can come along.
Yoko kicks the side of the booth a little. “Ow,” he says.
“You know, if there’s something wrong, you can tell me.”
“Good thing there isn’t anything wrong then.”
Yoko reaches into the booth to get his wallet. Hina is still nowhere to be seen, so he readies his escape. But as he’s coming up from the booth, Maru’s still looking at him in that sort of sad way and Yoko really, really wishes he’d use that face only when urgent matters called for it because it’s impossible to look at him and not feel terrible.
Yoko starts to feel hot again, for about the thousandth time in the last couple of weeks. The pattern hasn’t been lost on him: all of these situations definitely involve Maru. This is just the first time it’s only been the two of them. There isn’t anyone else there making him feel like a third wheel. It’s just Yoko, Maru, and all of the space between them.
Yoko takes his wallet and leaves.
---
The walk to the train station is longer than Yoko remembers it. The streets are also so crowded that Yoko can barely see where he’s going. He feels stupid and ridiculous and like he knew there was a reason why he always kept his work friends at work. This is obviously getting too complicated, so maybe it’s best if he just stops accepting invitations at all. But the thought of that gives him a slight pang in his stomach, which he does everything he can to ignore.
He’s almost to the station when he hears his name from behind.
“Yoko, I…” Maru says, and Yoko is struck by the fact that Maru doesn’t call him by any kind of cutesy nickname this time.
He waits for Maru to finish while what feels like a million people brush past them.
“I’m sorry,” Maru says. “If I did anything. I don’t know, you just haven’t seemed like yourself lately.”
The last thing he wants to do is hash this out, but Maru’s waiting for a reply, just standing there in the sea of people outside of the train station, waiting for Yoko to say something.
“I.. it’s okay,” Yoko says, not sure if he means it. Maybe it’s enough enough, for now.
Then they can leave it at that and it can all be over and done with. But Maru always has to do something incredibly stupid, even when he’s not meaning to. He puts both of his arms around Yoko and holds him tight. So tight that Yoko isn’t even sure he could break free if he wanted to.
“Okay, okay,” he says after a moment, suddenly feeling embarrassed, like they must look like a couple of lovers saying goodbye before a long separation. Maru releases him and Yoko falls back against the station wall.
“You better go,” Yoko says. “You don’t want to leave Shin-chan waiting.”
“Ah, he left anyway,” Maru says. “So I guess I have nowhere to go.”
“I’m going home,” Yoko says.
“Unless you want to do something…” Maru says at exactly the same time.
Yoko remembers the decision he’d made to keep work friends at work. But it was a split second decision anyway, wasn’t it? Maru gives him a big, stupid grin and Yoko tries with all of his might not to smile back.
But then Maru pokes him in the side and that finally does it.
“Fine, fine,” Yoko says. “Where do you want to go?”
---
They talk about going to see a movie for a while, but can’t decide on which one to see, so they end up just wandering around kind of aimlessly until Yoko starts to get hungry.
“But I thought we just ate!” Maru says.
“First of all, you of all people should not be criticizing my eating habits,” Yoko says. “And second… I didn’t have anything to eat.”
“Oh, yeah.”
Yoko doesn’t say anything further, but Maru directs him into the nearest ramen place they see. It’s crowded, but there is a table close to the corner. A dimly lit corner which is convenient for them as far as not being recognized. Yoko orders, but Maru doesn’t, then Yoko complains that he doesn’t want to eat by himself, so Maru orders a small bowl. He picks at it at first when it arrives, but it’s so tasty that he decides he is hungry enough for it after all. Yoko seems pleased.
They have a couple of drinks after they finish eating and Maru starts talking, the way he does when he’s had a few drinks. He tells Yoko a cute story about how his little sister brought home an equally little boyfriend and Maru may have scared the poor kid away from her forever. Even though he didn’t mean to. Yoko thinks about how he scrutinizes his brothers girlfriends sometimes. He wonders if they ever think about his dating life. Or his complete lack of one.
“I mean, I was just asking him a few questions,” Maru says, “and suddenly he was crying and running down the street!”
“You know you’re supposed to be a friendly idol, not someone who makes kids cry, right?”
“Stop it!” Maru says. “I already feel terrible!”
Yoko giggles, then after a while he’s just laughing right at Maru. Maru takes it, of course, but looks a little sheepish at the same time.
“Ah, little sisters grow up, don’t they.” Maru lifts his bowl up to his mouth, then when he sets it back down it’s empty.
After the rest of the ramen and a few more drinks, they leave the restaurant together. It’s much later outside than it was when they arrived. The street lights are out, and the sidewalks are less congested. But Maru sticks close to Yoko while they walk anyway.
“Hey, do you want to… come over and hang out for a while?” Maru asks. “To my hotel room, I mean…”
They’re in Osaka, which means Maru is in a hotel room. Why he doesn’t just get an apartment there, Yoko has no idea. But he supposes apartments in Osaka can be expensive, and Maru’s always said he likes the commute from Kyoto.
The way Maru asks him about coming over is strange - he seems shy and not Maru-like. Then Yoko understands when Maru speaks again.
“Hotel rooms are kind of lonely,” he says. “I mean… there isn’t anything about them that belongs to you.”
Yoko can hear the alcohol in his voice. But sometimes Maru just talks like this normally. Sometimes he gets started and he can’t stop.
But something inside of Yoko wants to say no and just call it a night. Maybe it’d serve Maru right for ignoring him all of those times. It’s been just the two of them all night, but if someone else was there, Yoko is sure he’d be a third wheel. If it were Subaru or Yasu, they’d be cuddling and acting like a new couple and if it were Hina they’d be planning vacations that have nothing to do with Yoko at all.
It would be pathetic to just leave. Even Yoko knows that. But the whole night is starting to feel like a pity night. Yoko’s bad at hiding his feelings, so Maru knew something was wrong, and this is his way of making Yoko feel better. It’s nice, but pity leaves a bitter taste.
But maybe Maru’s the pitiful one here. He’s the one who just admitted in so many words that he’s lonely. Is that the nature of their friendship? Pity dates?
“Sure,” Yoko says, without thinking any further. And he smiles when a smile spreads across Maru’s face.
---
Yoko sees why Maru finds the hotel room lonely - it’s completely uninviting. If the entire hotel looks this way, then Yoko wonders why Maru doesn’t just stay somewhere else. But Maru explains that he made reservations on short notice this time and the usual place he stays was all booked up.
The walls are drab and the room is cold. Maru’s been there for two days already, but it seems stale. There are candles set up around the room and Maru has some speakers set up in the corner. He puts on some music and gets them both glasses of water before sitting down next to Yoko on the floor.
“You should have some water after drinking that much,” Maru says, setting the glass down next to Yoko on the small table.
“When did you get so responsible?” Yoko laughs.
“I’m always responsible!” Maru says. Then he breaks out another bottle as soon as they’ve finished their water and Yoko giggles while he pours glasses for both of them.
“This is nice,” Maru says. “Just me and you… it’s not just me and you very often is it!”
Yoko’s tempted to say about a million things about how it isn’t by choice, but he figures that will be even worse than just not saying anything. And it’s not even true because it’s not like he’d hang out with Maru all the time if it were up to him. He doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe just to hang out with someone and not feel expendable, but he’s had that all evening and something still feels a little off.
They put on a movie, but Yoko doesn’t pay attention to it. They talk about that time they were filming on location and Maru asked three girls out within moments of each other and was rejected by all of them.
“It was like a new world record!” Yoko says. “Really, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it.”
“I’m still sad the third one said no!” Maru says. “She was the cutest one, but I was shy. Then when I got to her I was feeling more confident and then… rejected!”
“Not that it’s anything new for you,” Yoko says.
“Ouch,” Maru says. “I need a better selling point. Am I not cute enough? Not manly enough?”
Yoko giggles behind his glass.
“Maybe I need to learn from Shin-chan,” he says. “He doesn’t even ask them out, they just follow him!”
“Maybe he pays them…”
“No, no!” Maru laughs. “He just says ‘let’s go out together’ and they go with him!”
“That guy…” Yoko says. “I don’t know why they’d want to go with him anywhere! It must be weird having a date with him.”
“I wonder what he’s like on a date,” Maru says. “He must be pretty good at it… he goes on enough of them.”
“But does he go out with the same girls more than once?” Yoko asks.
“Ah, that really would be the test!”
Maru pours another glass. “It’s half gone,” he says, thoughtfully.
Yoko’s cheeks start to feel sore from laughing. The drab room doesn’t seem so bad anymore, not with all of those drinks in him, anyway. Or maybe it’s because of the company. He remembers Maru saying “there isn’t anything about it that belongs to you” but Yoko might mistake this for Maru’s home if he didn’t know otherwise.
“So how come we never go anywhere together?” Maru asks.
“Huh?”
“I mean… Shin-chan and I are always going on trips. How come we never go on trips?”
“We did!” Yoko says, then realizes how loud it came out. “I mean, we did. That one time. We went to Macau, remember?”
“Oohh!” Maru says. “I remember that. I barely saw you the whole time because you were busy gambling.”
“Something wrong with that?” Yoko grumbles.
“Not at all~” Maru gives him a big, drunk grin and Yoko starts to regret drinking this much with Maru. He doesn’t know how Maru does it, but he keeps getting closer to the root of the problem. He’d be impressed, except that it’s making him kind of uncomfortable.
“Then let’s go together,” Maru says. “Me and you, okay?”
“Where should we go?”
“You like Vegas, right?”
“That’s a long trip!”
Maru shrugs. “I like long trips.”
Yoko imagines what it would be like overseas with Maru, just the two of them. They’d probably stay a while, no use going that far just to stay a few days. What would it be like with just Maru? Yoko figures he’d probably gamble on his own anyway, Maru’s not really into that. They’d probably do just like they’re doing now, have some drinks and probably some good food. Maybe they’d sightsee. Maru would take about a million pictures. The hotel rooms would probably be nice. He pictures the huge balcony and the plush beds. He pictures Maru on his back lying on one of them and slowly climbing on to-
Yoko puts his glass back down on the table. Obviously he’s had more than enough to drink.
“What?” Maru asks.
Yoko doesn’t answer him.
“What’s wrong? You look… freaked out all of a sudden.”
“No...” Yoko says. “But I should probably go.”
“You can’t go! You’ve had too much to drink. There are two beds, okay? You’re staying here.” Maru says it cheerfully, but if he’d known what just entered Yoko’s mind…
Well he probably wouldn’t care even if he did know. Because he’s Maru and is generally unfazed by these kinds of things. He also doesn’t have a problem with that kind of thing, as evidenced by the show Yoko got from him and Subaru.
Then everything starts to make sense, and Yoko wishes it wouldn’t. Not in that way because it just makes everything more annoyingly complicated.
Maru’s just staring at him, kind of expectantly. Yoko figures he should say something, but there isn’t anything to say. Or there isn’t anything he’s willing to say. He’s not going to embarrass himself to say it.
“Let’s go,” Yoko says. “To Vegas… sometime.”
“Really?” Maru asks, beaming. “Okay, let’s go!” He says the last part in English and Yoko giggles by reflex, then realizes afterward that it made him feel a little more relaxed.
Maru is good at that. Even when he’s not meaning to make anyone feel better, he does it by accident.
Another thing he’s good at is reading people. He just senses atmosphere and knows how to change it. In a way, Yoko wishes Maru would figure it out so he didn’t have to humiliate himself. Luckily, he’s too groggy to do anything stupid, too afraid to say anything at all. How does Maru confess to everyone he likes without even letting the rejection bother him? Although Yoko has a feeling he might not be rejected. And that’s the scariest part.
“Hey, Yokocho?” Maru asks.
“Yeah?”
“Would it be okay if… um.” Maru fumbles with his glass as he sets it down on the table. Then he sits up on his knees and inches a little closer to where Yoko is sitting. He wishes he could stop his cheeks from getting hot, as he doesn’t even know what Maru’s planning to do. But then all of his fears come true when Maru gets closer, puts both of his hands on Yoko’s shoulders, and kisses him on the lips.
At first Yoko doesn’t know what to do, so he doesn’t do anything at all. Then Maru’s lips open up, so he opens his too, and they’re kissing slowly, then faster and all Yoko can do is go along with it. They stay like that for a while, then Yoko stops first. It feels like he pulls away, but it must only be within an inch because he can still feel Maru's breath.
“I'm going to sleep,” Maru says.
“Wait--”
“We don't have to talk about it,” Maru says, grinning. “Let's just go to sleep.”
For a moment they stay there reluctant to move, but they finally separate. Maru's fingers slide off of his shoulders slowly, as if he's not quite ready to let go yet, and Yoko's not sure if he really him to either, but he's not going to grab on and hold him there or anything. Maru gets a futon for him to sleep on, and when Yoko lies down on his back, the room spins until Maru shuts off the light.
And Yoko doesn't quite know how, but that night he sleeps better than he has in weeks.
Fandom: Kanjani8
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yoko/Maru (and a tiny bit of MaruBaru)
Disclaimer: This is a fictional situation.
Notes: Written for 4evamangafan at k8_exchange. ♥
It’s not that Yoko’s sensitive. It’s that they really are ignoring him.
It all starts on that stupid onsen trip. The one he only barely agreed to go on in the first place, grudgingly ended up enjoying himself on the first ill-fated day.
The thing that Yoko should have been wary of is hanging out with Maru. He’s warm and open and it makes people gravitate to him, but then he’s also silly, so it often ends in some kind of groping. You’d think it would be worse on the stage, when they’re doing it for a reason, but with Maru it’s the same on as it is off. Although Yoko often finds himself outside of the action.
This is because they really are ignoring him.
The trip to the onsen is fine; they laugh together on the way there and are in good spirits when they check in to their rooms. Maru decides to explore the grounds first, while Yoko and Yasu are anxious to get into the hot springs, but they all converge together after a while, just in time for Yoko to start feeling woozy from the sake.
At first he thinks it’s his imagination; it seems like Maru and Yasu are getting closer and closer together in the water. But it isn’t his imagination at all when Yasu winds up halfway in Maru’s lap, cuddled against his chest, and they’re making kissyfaces and silly noises and seem completely lost in their own little world.
Something stings in his chest while he watches them and he squeezes his knees with his hands. He’s loathe to admit that he’s bothered by it, but there he is, glaring daggers at the both of them. It’s not that he’s jealous, no. It’s not that he wants them to come up and sit on his lap and snuggle against his chest. It’s that they’re not paying any attention to him and they clearly don’t need him to be here on this trip at all!
“Guys…?” he says, meekly. But the timing is unfortunate, as it comes out right when Yasu laughs, so no one hears him yet again. They’ll be here for the whole weekend and already on the first day he’s just an unnecessary piece of baggage.
After they’re good and soaked and ready for a meal, they all dry off and don robes. He can’t help but notice that Yasu and Maru are still acting like a couple on their honeymoon, helping each other get dressed and whispering so that they can only hear each other.
Yoko coughs. It takes them a moment to look up, but when they do, it’s awkward because he has nothing to say. Other than "Stop it!" but he doesn’t know if that would go over well.
“What’s wrong, Yuu-chin?” Maru asks, cutely. Yoko just grumbles something mostly inaudible, but he must look so pathetic that Maru comes and wraps an arm around his shoulders. It makes Yoko’s cheeks feel hot, and then an instant later it makes him feel incredibly stupid. So he slinks out of Maru’s grasp, but he still feels the warmth of Maru’s arm on his back even after he walks away.
---
The next incident also involves Maru. Yoko is beginning to notice a pattern. Maybe Maru does this intentionally. It would be just like him! But actually, no. No, it wouldn’t be like him at all. And that only makes it worse.
This time it’s Maru and Subaru and Yoko in the dressing room just before a show, all by themselves. Or maybe it’s just Subaru and Maru by themselves and Yoko has been rendered invisible; he’s not really sure.
Maru is lying on his back on the couch, up against the corner, and Subaru starts out perched on the armrest but ends up lying down against the length of Maru’s body somehow. It happens so fast that Yoko doesn’t even notice.
They start acting the way they do when they’re together, which is incomprehensible to anyone else. They’re sort of laughing and fooling around and they start pretending to kiss each other, making kissing noises with their mouths separated by Maru’s hand. Yoko changes into his opening costume in the corner while the two of them are still wearing the jeans that they arrived in. They keep fooling around for what feels like forever. But Yoko has known those two for so long that he’s used to it by now.
What he’s not used to is the two of them unabashedly making out right in front of him. Yoko does a double-take at first. He tries to rationalize what he’s seeing in front of him, but there is no other conclusion he can come to. There is tongue. And they’re still making those kissing noises while the couch groans under the weight of both of them.
Yoko looks around because maybe someone else is in the room and they can pinch him and let him know that this is indeed what he is seeing. But it’s just him, all alone.
“Um, hello?” Yoko says.
They don’t hear him, or they just don’t pay attention to him. It’s probably well beyond just playing around now, but he knows they’ll still play it off like they’re joking. Because that’s what they do. Yoko starts to feel a little hot in his cheeks again. The same way he did at the onsen. And he still doesn’t understand it completely because he’s not sure if he wants to be on the couch making out with his bandmates. He can’t imagine that leading anywhere other than completely awkward. It’s why he deflected Maru the one time he tried to give him a drunk kiss.
They’re so into what they’re doing on the couch that they also don’t hear when Hina opens the door without warning, shouting before he’s even inside the room.
“Are you guys com…” He stops short, looks at the couch, then at Yoko, then gives an awkward smile. “…ing?”
“About to,” Yoko mutters quietly.
Subaru laughs with his head back and Maru pushes him off playfully. Maybe Yoko’s making too big a deal out of it. Maybe they were just playing…
“Ready for the show, Yokocho?” Maru asks.
“Looks like you already put one on…” Yoko says before he can stop himself.
“Then we’re all warmed up!” Subaru winks, Maru laughs. And Yoko scowls.
---
The final straw is when Yoko starts to notice Maru doing it with Hina. Hina’s a special case because he doesn’t actually return any of Maru’s affection. Other than with a good smack, but maybe that’s affectionate to them. Yoko doesn’t know, nor does he want to know, but it’s maddening because he’s starting to realize that lately every time he’s left out, it has to do with Maru.
The three of them are out having dinner after a TV filming. They’re in a booth with Maru and Hina on one side and Yoko on the other. Maru keeps doing silly things for attention and Hina keeps giving it to him in the form of abuse, which only makes Maru grin brightly and do it all over again.
“Shin-chan~” Maru says. “Let’s go to Macau again.”
This makes Yoko’s cheeks hot in the other kind of way because Hina doesn’t even like Macau as much as he does! And how could he not be invited when he’s right there!
“Yeah, okay.” Hina grins at him. “What about next month?”
Yoko swears they’re going to start cuddling and kissing, too. Even though he knows that probably won’t happen. Although Hina’s on his third drink, and Yoko knows how he gets when he’s been drinking…
Maybe they are sitting a little closer than they usually do. Yoko shifts in his seat and tries to see them from a different angle. It looks like they are, to him. There is enough room to fit two other people on either side of them, at any rate.
“What?” Hina asks while Yoko is slouching into the table trying to see them from a lower point of view.
“Nothing…” Yoko says. “I need the bathroom.”
He wonders, as he’s walking to the back of the restaurant, if he can just slip out the back door right now. He doesn’t have to tell them why or where he went. He doesn’t owe that to them. He can do whatever he wants. He takes out his cell phone, just to send a quick message that he’s leaving, but then he wonders why he has to do that at all.
They won’t even notice that he’s gone!
He starts to leave, then remembers his wallet is still in the booth. The one time he didn’t leave it in his pocket, of course. Maybe he’ll go back to the booth and they’ll be so busy making out they won’t even see him getting his wallet. He plans his escape. Grab it and go. Even if they do pay attention to him.
When he arrives back at the booth, it’s just Maru sitting there alone.
“Where’d he go?” Yoko asks.
“Had to make a phone call,” Maru says. “Is something wrong?”
“No…” Yoko says. “But I’m leaving.”
“Why?” Maru blinks.
Remember the plan. Grab it and go.
“I dunno,” Yoko says. “Just have to.”
“Okay…” Maru says. He looks worried and the tone of his voice matches. “See you later?”
Yoko sighs. Maru looks up at him, concerned, and Yoko doesn’t know what to say. He wants to run. Grab it and go! The plan has already long since failed, and Yoko especially doesn’t want to be there when Hina gets back, because Hina’s so nosy he’ll want to know exactly where he’s going and why and if it sounds interesting maybe he can come along.
Yoko kicks the side of the booth a little. “Ow,” he says.
“You know, if there’s something wrong, you can tell me.”
“Good thing there isn’t anything wrong then.”
Yoko reaches into the booth to get his wallet. Hina is still nowhere to be seen, so he readies his escape. But as he’s coming up from the booth, Maru’s still looking at him in that sort of sad way and Yoko really, really wishes he’d use that face only when urgent matters called for it because it’s impossible to look at him and not feel terrible.
Yoko starts to feel hot again, for about the thousandth time in the last couple of weeks. The pattern hasn’t been lost on him: all of these situations definitely involve Maru. This is just the first time it’s only been the two of them. There isn’t anyone else there making him feel like a third wheel. It’s just Yoko, Maru, and all of the space between them.
Yoko takes his wallet and leaves.
---
The walk to the train station is longer than Yoko remembers it. The streets are also so crowded that Yoko can barely see where he’s going. He feels stupid and ridiculous and like he knew there was a reason why he always kept his work friends at work. This is obviously getting too complicated, so maybe it’s best if he just stops accepting invitations at all. But the thought of that gives him a slight pang in his stomach, which he does everything he can to ignore.
He’s almost to the station when he hears his name from behind.
“Yoko, I…” Maru says, and Yoko is struck by the fact that Maru doesn’t call him by any kind of cutesy nickname this time.
He waits for Maru to finish while what feels like a million people brush past them.
“I’m sorry,” Maru says. “If I did anything. I don’t know, you just haven’t seemed like yourself lately.”
The last thing he wants to do is hash this out, but Maru’s waiting for a reply, just standing there in the sea of people outside of the train station, waiting for Yoko to say something.
“I.. it’s okay,” Yoko says, not sure if he means it. Maybe it’s enough enough, for now.
Then they can leave it at that and it can all be over and done with. But Maru always has to do something incredibly stupid, even when he’s not meaning to. He puts both of his arms around Yoko and holds him tight. So tight that Yoko isn’t even sure he could break free if he wanted to.
“Okay, okay,” he says after a moment, suddenly feeling embarrassed, like they must look like a couple of lovers saying goodbye before a long separation. Maru releases him and Yoko falls back against the station wall.
“You better go,” Yoko says. “You don’t want to leave Shin-chan waiting.”
“Ah, he left anyway,” Maru says. “So I guess I have nowhere to go.”
“I’m going home,” Yoko says.
“Unless you want to do something…” Maru says at exactly the same time.
Yoko remembers the decision he’d made to keep work friends at work. But it was a split second decision anyway, wasn’t it? Maru gives him a big, stupid grin and Yoko tries with all of his might not to smile back.
But then Maru pokes him in the side and that finally does it.
“Fine, fine,” Yoko says. “Where do you want to go?”
---
They talk about going to see a movie for a while, but can’t decide on which one to see, so they end up just wandering around kind of aimlessly until Yoko starts to get hungry.
“But I thought we just ate!” Maru says.
“First of all, you of all people should not be criticizing my eating habits,” Yoko says. “And second… I didn’t have anything to eat.”
“Oh, yeah.”
Yoko doesn’t say anything further, but Maru directs him into the nearest ramen place they see. It’s crowded, but there is a table close to the corner. A dimly lit corner which is convenient for them as far as not being recognized. Yoko orders, but Maru doesn’t, then Yoko complains that he doesn’t want to eat by himself, so Maru orders a small bowl. He picks at it at first when it arrives, but it’s so tasty that he decides he is hungry enough for it after all. Yoko seems pleased.
They have a couple of drinks after they finish eating and Maru starts talking, the way he does when he’s had a few drinks. He tells Yoko a cute story about how his little sister brought home an equally little boyfriend and Maru may have scared the poor kid away from her forever. Even though he didn’t mean to. Yoko thinks about how he scrutinizes his brothers girlfriends sometimes. He wonders if they ever think about his dating life. Or his complete lack of one.
“I mean, I was just asking him a few questions,” Maru says, “and suddenly he was crying and running down the street!”
“You know you’re supposed to be a friendly idol, not someone who makes kids cry, right?”
“Stop it!” Maru says. “I already feel terrible!”
Yoko giggles, then after a while he’s just laughing right at Maru. Maru takes it, of course, but looks a little sheepish at the same time.
“Ah, little sisters grow up, don’t they.” Maru lifts his bowl up to his mouth, then when he sets it back down it’s empty.
After the rest of the ramen and a few more drinks, they leave the restaurant together. It’s much later outside than it was when they arrived. The street lights are out, and the sidewalks are less congested. But Maru sticks close to Yoko while they walk anyway.
“Hey, do you want to… come over and hang out for a while?” Maru asks. “To my hotel room, I mean…”
They’re in Osaka, which means Maru is in a hotel room. Why he doesn’t just get an apartment there, Yoko has no idea. But he supposes apartments in Osaka can be expensive, and Maru’s always said he likes the commute from Kyoto.
The way Maru asks him about coming over is strange - he seems shy and not Maru-like. Then Yoko understands when Maru speaks again.
“Hotel rooms are kind of lonely,” he says. “I mean… there isn’t anything about them that belongs to you.”
Yoko can hear the alcohol in his voice. But sometimes Maru just talks like this normally. Sometimes he gets started and he can’t stop.
But something inside of Yoko wants to say no and just call it a night. Maybe it’d serve Maru right for ignoring him all of those times. It’s been just the two of them all night, but if someone else was there, Yoko is sure he’d be a third wheel. If it were Subaru or Yasu, they’d be cuddling and acting like a new couple and if it were Hina they’d be planning vacations that have nothing to do with Yoko at all.
It would be pathetic to just leave. Even Yoko knows that. But the whole night is starting to feel like a pity night. Yoko’s bad at hiding his feelings, so Maru knew something was wrong, and this is his way of making Yoko feel better. It’s nice, but pity leaves a bitter taste.
But maybe Maru’s the pitiful one here. He’s the one who just admitted in so many words that he’s lonely. Is that the nature of their friendship? Pity dates?
“Sure,” Yoko says, without thinking any further. And he smiles when a smile spreads across Maru’s face.
---
Yoko sees why Maru finds the hotel room lonely - it’s completely uninviting. If the entire hotel looks this way, then Yoko wonders why Maru doesn’t just stay somewhere else. But Maru explains that he made reservations on short notice this time and the usual place he stays was all booked up.
The walls are drab and the room is cold. Maru’s been there for two days already, but it seems stale. There are candles set up around the room and Maru has some speakers set up in the corner. He puts on some music and gets them both glasses of water before sitting down next to Yoko on the floor.
“You should have some water after drinking that much,” Maru says, setting the glass down next to Yoko on the small table.
“When did you get so responsible?” Yoko laughs.
“I’m always responsible!” Maru says. Then he breaks out another bottle as soon as they’ve finished their water and Yoko giggles while he pours glasses for both of them.
“This is nice,” Maru says. “Just me and you… it’s not just me and you very often is it!”
Yoko’s tempted to say about a million things about how it isn’t by choice, but he figures that will be even worse than just not saying anything. And it’s not even true because it’s not like he’d hang out with Maru all the time if it were up to him. He doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe just to hang out with someone and not feel expendable, but he’s had that all evening and something still feels a little off.
They put on a movie, but Yoko doesn’t pay attention to it. They talk about that time they were filming on location and Maru asked three girls out within moments of each other and was rejected by all of them.
“It was like a new world record!” Yoko says. “Really, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it.”
“I’m still sad the third one said no!” Maru says. “She was the cutest one, but I was shy. Then when I got to her I was feeling more confident and then… rejected!”
“Not that it’s anything new for you,” Yoko says.
“Ouch,” Maru says. “I need a better selling point. Am I not cute enough? Not manly enough?”
Yoko giggles behind his glass.
“Maybe I need to learn from Shin-chan,” he says. “He doesn’t even ask them out, they just follow him!”
“Maybe he pays them…”
“No, no!” Maru laughs. “He just says ‘let’s go out together’ and they go with him!”
“That guy…” Yoko says. “I don’t know why they’d want to go with him anywhere! It must be weird having a date with him.”
“I wonder what he’s like on a date,” Maru says. “He must be pretty good at it… he goes on enough of them.”
“But does he go out with the same girls more than once?” Yoko asks.
“Ah, that really would be the test!”
Maru pours another glass. “It’s half gone,” he says, thoughtfully.
Yoko’s cheeks start to feel sore from laughing. The drab room doesn’t seem so bad anymore, not with all of those drinks in him, anyway. Or maybe it’s because of the company. He remembers Maru saying “there isn’t anything about it that belongs to you” but Yoko might mistake this for Maru’s home if he didn’t know otherwise.
“So how come we never go anywhere together?” Maru asks.
“Huh?”
“I mean… Shin-chan and I are always going on trips. How come we never go on trips?”
“We did!” Yoko says, then realizes how loud it came out. “I mean, we did. That one time. We went to Macau, remember?”
“Oohh!” Maru says. “I remember that. I barely saw you the whole time because you were busy gambling.”
“Something wrong with that?” Yoko grumbles.
“Not at all~” Maru gives him a big, drunk grin and Yoko starts to regret drinking this much with Maru. He doesn’t know how Maru does it, but he keeps getting closer to the root of the problem. He’d be impressed, except that it’s making him kind of uncomfortable.
“Then let’s go together,” Maru says. “Me and you, okay?”
“Where should we go?”
“You like Vegas, right?”
“That’s a long trip!”
Maru shrugs. “I like long trips.”
Yoko imagines what it would be like overseas with Maru, just the two of them. They’d probably stay a while, no use going that far just to stay a few days. What would it be like with just Maru? Yoko figures he’d probably gamble on his own anyway, Maru’s not really into that. They’d probably do just like they’re doing now, have some drinks and probably some good food. Maybe they’d sightsee. Maru would take about a million pictures. The hotel rooms would probably be nice. He pictures the huge balcony and the plush beds. He pictures Maru on his back lying on one of them and slowly climbing on to-
Yoko puts his glass back down on the table. Obviously he’s had more than enough to drink.
“What?” Maru asks.
Yoko doesn’t answer him.
“What’s wrong? You look… freaked out all of a sudden.”
“No...” Yoko says. “But I should probably go.”
“You can’t go! You’ve had too much to drink. There are two beds, okay? You’re staying here.” Maru says it cheerfully, but if he’d known what just entered Yoko’s mind…
Well he probably wouldn’t care even if he did know. Because he’s Maru and is generally unfazed by these kinds of things. He also doesn’t have a problem with that kind of thing, as evidenced by the show Yoko got from him and Subaru.
Then everything starts to make sense, and Yoko wishes it wouldn’t. Not in that way because it just makes everything more annoyingly complicated.
Maru’s just staring at him, kind of expectantly. Yoko figures he should say something, but there isn’t anything to say. Or there isn’t anything he’s willing to say. He’s not going to embarrass himself to say it.
“Let’s go,” Yoko says. “To Vegas… sometime.”
“Really?” Maru asks, beaming. “Okay, let’s go!” He says the last part in English and Yoko giggles by reflex, then realizes afterward that it made him feel a little more relaxed.
Maru is good at that. Even when he’s not meaning to make anyone feel better, he does it by accident.
Another thing he’s good at is reading people. He just senses atmosphere and knows how to change it. In a way, Yoko wishes Maru would figure it out so he didn’t have to humiliate himself. Luckily, he’s too groggy to do anything stupid, too afraid to say anything at all. How does Maru confess to everyone he likes without even letting the rejection bother him? Although Yoko has a feeling he might not be rejected. And that’s the scariest part.
“Hey, Yokocho?” Maru asks.
“Yeah?”
“Would it be okay if… um.” Maru fumbles with his glass as he sets it down on the table. Then he sits up on his knees and inches a little closer to where Yoko is sitting. He wishes he could stop his cheeks from getting hot, as he doesn’t even know what Maru’s planning to do. But then all of his fears come true when Maru gets closer, puts both of his hands on Yoko’s shoulders, and kisses him on the lips.
At first Yoko doesn’t know what to do, so he doesn’t do anything at all. Then Maru’s lips open up, so he opens his too, and they’re kissing slowly, then faster and all Yoko can do is go along with it. They stay like that for a while, then Yoko stops first. It feels like he pulls away, but it must only be within an inch because he can still feel Maru's breath.
“I'm going to sleep,” Maru says.
“Wait--”
“We don't have to talk about it,” Maru says, grinning. “Let's just go to sleep.”
For a moment they stay there reluctant to move, but they finally separate. Maru's fingers slide off of his shoulders slowly, as if he's not quite ready to let go yet, and Yoko's not sure if he really him to either, but he's not going to grab on and hold him there or anything. Maru gets a futon for him to sleep on, and when Yoko lies down on his back, the room spins until Maru shuts off the light.
And Yoko doesn't quite know how, but that night he sleeps better than he has in weeks.