Kanjani8 - Trust - Subaru/Yasu/Maru
Title: Trust
Fandom: Kanjani8
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Subaru/Yasu/Maru
Disclaimer: This is a fictional situation that never happened.
He shouldn't be watching.
He only sees it through a closing door, but Maru sticks the end of his shoe next to the door frame for just a moment. Just long enough to see Yasu's hand slip under Subaru's shirt. Subaru makes a noise that's almost too quiet for him to hear. It sounds like it starts somewhere in his chest and just vibrates in his throat. Then his mouth is against Yasu's, his hands traveling up Yasu's back and into his hair, and Maru has to let the door close.
He shouldn't be watching because it isn't for him to see. He's just an observer. At worst, a pervert, because he knows he won't be able to get the image out of his mind.
Fuck, he thinks, all the way down the stairs, and into the lobby of the photography studio. He nods at Ohkura as they meet in front of the door.
"Hey," Ohkura lifts his hand up so it's level with Maru's cheek. Then he brushes Maru's face with his thumb. Maru nearly jumps.
"Wha--"
"I think it was lipstick," Ohkura says. "Going on a date?"
Maru smiles, easily. "Could be worse. I could've walked out in the boa."
"At least we didn't have to get into the miniskirts?"
"Small favors, my friend," Maru says pulling his bag up higher on his shoulder and pushing against the door. "Not that I wouldn't have looked fantastic." Maru waggles his eyebrows.
Ohkura laughs, and it makes Maru feel good.
They stand on the sidewalk for a moment before Ohkura asks Maru to go out for drinks.
"Should we get those two?" Ohkura asks, and Maru knows he means Yasu and Subaru since everyone else has already left.
"I think they're... busy."
Ohkura looks up at the building then back at Maru. "Ah," he says.
They've all known about Yasu and Subaru for weeks, and it wasn't exactly a shock when they found out. It didn't change the group dynamic at all, and that made Maru wonder if it hadn't been going on longer than the two of them let on.
They walk to Ohkura's car, and Maru tosses his bag into the backseat. He can still see Yasu and Subaru in his mind. The image is sharp and he wonders if he can drink until it gets fuzzy.
---
Ohkura picks a bar that's sort of a restaurant. The menu is written on the coasters and all of the food is small and bite-sized. Maru wraps his hands around a cold glass, and he and Ohkura sit in comfortable silence.
Then Maru notices a small elevation in the floor near the corner with two amps and a drum kit on top of it.
Maru can tell Ohkura is already a little buzzed, because he's squinting as if Maru is on the other side of the room. Most of the people in the bar are much older than they are, and no one seems to recognize them. Ohkura's never brought Maru here before and can't count how many times they've been out drinking together.
They've settled into a pattern where, when the drinks are empty, they take turns walking over to the bar. But after three, the glasses sit dry on the table. Four boys walk over to the stage and Maru watches them set up their instruments, tune and tries to hear what they're saying to each other.
"Oy, oy," Ohkura mumbles, pointing at the empty glasses.
Maru hears the first chord while he's standing at the bar and his back is to the stage. It's a deep chord that resonates in his chest and makes his stomach feel warm. Then the drums kick in, and the singer screams above them. Maru just holds up two fingers to the bartender, he gives him the same two drinks that he came up for last time. Maru gets back to the table and puts a glass in Ohkura's waiting hand.
"Do you know these guys?" Maru asks, loud above the music.
Ohkura takes a long drink. "Nope," He says. "They're good."
They are, in a completely raw way. The singer doesn't hit all of the notes, but it doesn't matter. There is so much power in his voice that it's more like the notes aren't reaching him. Maru thinks about standing on that stage with Ohkura behind him and Subaru and Yasu to his side. He thinks about Subaru's voice filling the bar.
The singer reminds him of Subaru in the way that he isn't just singing a song. He leaves his sweat on the stage, and a piece of him stays in the room long after the sound of the last notes have faded.
Maru doesn't really think he deserves to be on a stage with the other three, but, since they let him, he tries to feel it, too. He tries to let the songs run through his body, and sometimes he does. Sometimes he gets a little taste of what Subaru must always feel like.
Ohkura drops him off at home and he stumbles to the door, scratching his key next to the doorknob and only opening it after a second try.
He turns on the TV and the radio at the same time and lies down on the couch, his hands in the waistband of his pants before he's even consciously thought about it.
The image of Subaru and Yasu hasn't become fuzzy - if anything it's sharper and brighter, and the noise that came from Subaru's mouth is louder. Maru thinks about Subaru singing with sweat falling out of his hair. He thinks about Subaru's hands on Yasu's back. Maru rubs his thighs. His skin is hot, and he puts one hand around his dick. He groans, but the sound is drowned out by all of the noise in the room. He doesn't realize until then just how turned on he is.
He closes his eyes and sees Yasu and Subaru against the wall of the dressing room and he's at the part where the door closed, but his mind fills in the details after that. He can see Yasu getting on his knees. He can see Subaru's legs spread and Yasu's hand slipping between them. He can see Yasu bent over the conference table and Subaru behind him with his jeans around his ankles.
Then Maru thinks about Yasu's blond hair between his own legs. He thinks about holding onto the back of Yasu's head while his lips slide up the length of his cock and he comes all over his hand and stomach with that image in his mind.
Maru feels like shit about it until he falls asleep, when he wakes up in the morning and for the entire next day.
---
Shingo ties the tie around Maru's neck in the back of the studio. It isn't that he can't tie it himself, but Shingo says he looks sloppy and offers to fix it. They're all in dark suits, and the whole room smells like hair product. He looks up at the ceiling until Shingo says, "There."
"Well?" Maru asks.
"You look like a waiter," Shingo grins.
They sit in rows while the girl from the magazine explains the shoot to them. It isn't odd for Subaru's arm to be around Maru's neck, and he absently brings his hand up to close around Subaru's. It's early in the morning - one of those days where they pose for pictures for an hour or two and then have the rest of the day off. Maru still feels like he's blinking the sleep out of his eyes.
He notices Subaru's other hand on Yasu's thigh, and Yasu is leaning into Subaru. They're good together, he thinks. They fit.
Then Subaru leans into Maru until the three of them are like dominoes about to fall. Yasu laughs behind his hand and it's suddenly not as comfortable as it should be. Maru's shoulders tighten and his back stiffens and Subaru starts kneading the tight muscles, instinctively, only making it worse.
"They're suits," Subaru whispers while the briefing continues. "They're for staring into the camera. Or, y'know, wistfully off to the side."
Maru nods but keeps all his attention on the girl.
"What is it?" Subaru asks, still moving his fingers in small circles on Maru's back.
"Nothing," Maru says, squeezing Subaru's hand.
The shoot takes a better part of three hours, and it feels like they're posing for school pictures or for someone's wedding. Tilt your head this way, hold your arm that way, smile, don't smile.
It isn't very exciting, but Maru is grateful that they're not expected to be funny that day. He doesn't feel like forcing it. He could, probably. Most gags are just whatever he feels like doing at the time, but he has a few saved up for emergencies. If he was lucky, maybe only Subaru would notice his heart wasn't in it.
Thankfully, the last picture is just a simple shot of all of them lined up, elbows on shoulders, hands in pockets, and seven simple, relaxed smiles.
When they're finished, he leaves the building with only a few quick goodbyes so he doesn't accidentally see anything he isn't supposed to see.
---
"Are you busy, Ryu-chan?" Is the simple text message Maru sees on his phone. There are a few red hearts after the message and he knows it's from Yasu even before scrolling down to see the name.
Is he? He's watching an old concert DVD and trying to organize an impossibly disorganized bookshelf. Not really, he thinks, then sends a text with the same sentiment. Yasu arrives soon after with his guitar strapped to his back and a notebook cradled in his arm. He looks excited, like he's ready to jump right out of his skin.
"What?" Maru asks, half laughing and infected by Yasu's excitement.
"Will you play something with me?" Yasu is already pulling his guitar out of the case and the strap over his shoulder before Maru has closed the door behind him.
He keeps a small practice amp next to the couch, and he drags it across the floor so it's facing both of them. He pulls his bass from where it's leaning against the wall and plugs it in, then waits for Yasu to start. The first few chords are awkward while Maru tries to gain an understanding of the song - it's light and airy and he can see why Yasu needs the sounds of a bass to fill in the gaps. He plays on the off beats, then strays from the basic melody when he gets more comfortable with the chords. Yasu starts singing.
The song is unmistakably written by Yasu. The lyrics are simple and sweet, and Maru tries to complement them, even tries to hum a harmony and hums a little louder when Yasu looks at him, nodding furiously.
"What do you think?" Yasu asks, strumming out the last few chords.
He loves it, not only for the song itself, but for Yasu's love of playing it. "It's really good," Maru says, sincerely.
"I just kept hearing a bass part in my head and... I knew you'd be able to play it for me," Yasu says. "Thank you."
Then Yasu just starts strumming again, nothing in particular, just chords that sound good together, and Maru starts picking out notes, trying to experiment with a rhythm. They used to do this a lot when they were younger, just jam aimlessly, and their schedule has been so regimented lately that it's hard to find the time between rehearsals. He doesn't know how long the song goes on, but Yasu brings his arm up and then jabs his guitar pick into the strings. Maru is a bit behind him on the final note, but they meet somewhere at the end and Maru listens while the sound fades out.
"Ahh," Yasu sighs. "Sounded good, huh?"
Maru starts stretching out his hand, alternating between spreading his fingers and tightening into a fist. Yasu takes Maru's hand and starts kneading his thumbs into Maru's palm.
Music is a language that Maru understands pretty easily, but this is where it feels complicated. He tries to remember when it started to feel that way, but he knows it was the day of the photo shoot, the one with the silly boas and the really gaudy pants. The day he didn't let the door close all the way. But he can't pull his hand away from Yasu, even though he's pretty sure Yasu won't question him even if he does.
He looks at Yasu for too long, his fingers still spread out and Yasu still pressing two thumbs into the heel of his palm.
"Is there anything you want to write?" Yasu asks him.
He always wants to write nonsense, because he loves the way it feels when people laugh. It's fun and light and something he understands easily. He's never thought much about writing anything else. Subaru and Yasu are so good at it already, and he doesn't quite know what he'd want to say anyway.
Maru thinks about the singer that he and Ohkura saw at the bar so many nights ago. Maru was so focused on the sound of his voice that he didn't give much thought to the words, but he thinks they were about drowning or falling. Or that's what it seemed like to him. Maybe he'd want to write about that, but falling and having something to hold onto. Something to break the fall.
"I don't know," Maru says. "Something... strong, I think."
Yasu's thumbs stop kneading, and Maru's hand moves along Yasu's forearm until he's almost reached the elbow, then stops. He doesn't know why he did that, and his hand feels so heavy against Yasu's arm. Yasu doesn't even seem to notice.
"Something heavy?" Yasu asks. "Lots of drums? Lots of bass?"
"Strong in the words," Maru says, and it sounds just as stupid out loud as it had in his head, but Yasu smiles like he understands completely.
"I could help you," Yasu offers. "Maybe not with the words, I'm not good at words like that, but with the music part." Yasu's hand rests on top of Maru's, still heavy on Yasu's forearm. He squeezes Maru's fingers.
If it were a month ago, Maru could have done something really idiotic like lean forward and see if Yasu would let him. But would he? All of the years he's known Yasu, he's never wanted pull Yasu closer like this. He's already so close, they're already nearly on the same cushion of the couch with two bulky instruments between them, not moving despite the discomfort.
Then he thinks he knows why. Seeing Subaru and Yasu together makes him feel lonely.
Yasu is such a good guy - such a good person - and he doesn't deserve for Maru to be thinking of him like this.
"I'm a bad friend," Maru says.
Yasu keeps looking right at him. "You're a great friend."
"I'm not, I'm--"
"You're a great friend," Yasu says again.
---
"Hey," Yasu says, his arms folded underneath his chin and resting on Subaru's naked chest.
"Yeah?"
"I want to try something."
---
Subaru stands in his doorway with his hand around the necks of two bottles.
"Oy," Subaru says. "Why are you dressed like that? It's so early!"
He means Maru's pajama pants, thin tank top and hair pulled back into a clip. Subaru does have a point. It's only 5 pm. Yasu pokes his head over Subaru's shoulder with a big, bright smile.
"We were in the area!" Yasu says and Maru can't do anything else but step aside to let them in. He rubs his eyes.
Subaru plants himself on the couch and opens one of the bottles. He seems a little stiff, Maru notices, but this is awkward, them showing up unannounced. They don't normally do things like this.
"At least use a glass," Yasu says, he looks at Maru, and nods in the direction of the kitchen. "Is it ok?"
"Yeah," Maru says, not taking his eyes off of Subaru. Subaru gives him a lazy grin that creeps across his face like he isn't even meaning to.
Yasu comes back with three glasses and sits down on the floor, looking up at the other two on the couch.
"So... it's too early to be relaxing, but not too early to drink?" Maru asks, taking the glass from Yasu and feeling the cold liquid against his hand.
"It's never too early to drink," Subaru says.
Yasu pours a glass for himself and drinks it much faster than Maru expects.
"So, Yasu was thinking..." Subaru starts.
"Not just me!" Yasu's cheeks are faintly red and he looks like he's about to hit Subaru's knee, but his hand just rests there instead.
Maru looks from one to the other, nervously because they're acting so strange.
"Go on, then." It sounds like Subaru's voice, but everything in the room starts to melt together after the words come out. Yasu is in Maru's lap and Maru smells the liquor on his breath first, then tastes it when Yasu presses their lips together. It's completely surreal, especially with Subaru there, circling the bottle so the liquid sloshes around.
Maru doesn't know what to do. He knows what his body wants to do, but he isn't sure if it's right. The atmosphere in the room turns into something like a dream where it could be real, but the edges are fuzzy. He brings his hands up to Yasu's shoulders and pushes him back so he's a few inches away. "Woah, woah, woah," He says.
Yasu's expression is mostly unreadable, but he looks calm and still a little red. Maru feels Yasu's hands on the back of his neck, just resting there. "It's ok," Yasu says. "I promise."
"Show's getting a little boring over here," Subaru says in a deep, almost comical voice that struggles against the tension between the tree of them. Yasu is smiling, a little shyly. Yasu doesn't pull Maru closer to him, but Maru starts to move closer anyway. He considers Yasu for a moment. Then Subaru clears his throat, and Maru can feel the cushions next to him moving.
"Do it like this," Subaru says, pulling Yasu against him and kissing him hard enough to rock all three of them against each other. Maru's mouth hangs open and he thinks he could be content just to watch them like this, where they're letting him see, but then Subaru breaks the kiss and puts his hand on the back of Maru's head, pulling him close. Subaru kisses Maru more gently than he did Yasu, but it's still aggressive. It isn't the first time Subaru has kissed him, but it's been a long time. It's more intense than a playful kiss backstage or an absent peck outside of a bar. Subaru's mouth is hot, and the kiss gets sloppy when Yasu starts to roll his hips in Maru's lap.
"Yeah?" Subaru asks. Maru just nods. Subaru nudges Yasu and Maru's heads together and Yasu kisses him so naturally that Maru just lets himself kiss back. His hands have stayed on Yasu's shoulders this whole time and it still feels like he's holding Yasu at bay, but they're giving him permission. Both of them are letting him in. It feels genuinely good for a moment. Then he starts to wonder if this isn't about pity.
It's scary, sometimes, just how well Subaru understands him. He's just the smallest bit off, and Subaru knows without him having to say a word. Yasu's hands are still behind Maru's neck and he's kissing Maru slowly and gently and then Subaru's hand runs down the plane of Maru's back, smoothing down the fabric of his shirt. Does Subaru feel sorry for him? Subaru's hand moves back up and meets Yasu's. Maru thinks he can feel their fingers lacing together. He doesn't know why either of them are here with him like this, but he thinks about how Yasu told him that he's a great friend. Being a great friend has something to do with trust. Maru closes his eyes and decides to trust both of them.
Yasu is turned on. Maru can feel it and he's turned on too, but he waits for one of them to tell him what to do because he's so afraid of crossing a line. Subaru separates from them and leans back against the arm of the couch, his hand already halfway down his pants. Yasu keeps moving his hips in Maru's lap. Subaru watches them, and Maru hears a zipper off to the side. He moves his hands down Yasu's back until he's holding onto Yasu's ass. Yasu grinds hard into his lap and that makes Subaru groan.
"Do you want more?" Yasu whispers against his mouth in a way that's sexy completely by accident.
He doesn't even need to answer the question, because Yasu's fingers are teasing the elastic band of his pants. Maru's hips jerk involuntarily just at the thought of Yasu touching him. Subaru stands, shedding his clothes and leaving them hanging on the back of the couch. He gets behind Yasu and pulls Yasu's shirt up over his head. Then Yasu turns around and kisses Subaru while his hands stray into Maru's pants, and Maru is afraid he'll come right then and there so he has to hold onto Yasu's wrist.
"Not yet," He says, and Yasu understands.
Maru watches Yasu climb off of the couch and onto the floor where Subaru immediately straddles his waist and starts sucking hard on his neck. Yasu writhes under him and makes a noise that sounds a little like a squeak. Maru feels the guilt of keeping his toe in the doorway lifting and he knows they aren't doing this only for him, but they know he's watching, and that's incredible in itself. When Maru licks his dry lips, he tastes sweat. Subaru pulls Yasu's pants down to his thighs in a hurry, and Yasu squirms the rest of the way out of them. Maru starts to stroke himself - lightly because he's been almost there since Yasu first climbed into his lap and he wants to hold off all night if he can. Whatever happens, it's going to be over too quickly. He tries to memorize everything.
Yasu whispers something in Subaru's ear, then Subaru nods. Yasu hands Subaru a small tube from the pocket of his discarded pants and Subaru starts fiddling with it while Yasu gets up on his knees and settles between Maru's legs. His eyes look wild with excitement and he runs his tongue along his bottom lip. Yasu moans and it comes from somewhere between his throat and his chest. It's a voice that doesn't even sound like Yasu's at all. Subaru is on his knees behind Yasu, pushing his fingers into Yasu's ass and Yasu closes his eyes, just panting silently against Maru's thigh. Then Subaru thrusts into Yasu, and Yasu's eyes snap open. He growls in that low voice again, and wraps his fingers around Maru's cock.
It's that image, almost exactly, where he's holding the back of Yasu's head. The one that made him nearly sick to his stomach with guilt for almost two days. The only thing missing from it was Subaru, and now he understands why Subaru has to be a part of the image for it to make any sense. Yasu starts with his tongue at the base of his cock and works his way upwards, hungrily, then moves his tongue in circles around the head. Maru almost can't handle it, but he has to keep watching. The other part of the image that was missing was Yasu looking up and directly at his eyes. He watches Yasu's tongue slide down then back up one more time, then Yasu opens his mouth wide and takes half of Maru's cock inside.
Every time Subaru thrusts, it pushes Yasu's mouth a little further so that Maru is a little deeper. It only takes two more of Subaru's thrusts, and Maru can't hold out anymore.
"Yasu," Maru says, warning him even though it's nearly too late. Yasu's fingers dig into Maru's thighs, and Maru comes hard into Yasu's mouth. Yasu keeps looking at him, licking up every drop. Then he rests his head against Maru's thigh, breathing hard. Subaru's thrusting gets faster, harder, more frantic.
Maru thinks he might be able to get worked up again just watching them. Subaru has his arm wrapped around Yasu's waist, and he's stroking Yasu while he's pushing him hard into the couch. They look right, Maru thinks, just like he always has. He wonders how he looks with them.
Subaru comes on Yasu's back, breathing hard on his shoulder. Sweat falls down from his forehead onto Yasu's skin and right after that Yasu's breath hitches and he exhales deeply against Maru's thigh.
Subaru looks at Maru, his chest heaving.
"Mmm." Yasu collapses on the floor and Subaru curls up against him.
Subaru already looks completely spent and half asleep and he brings his hand up lazily and waves it in front of Maru.
"C'mere," He mumbles.
Maru lies next to him on the hard floor. Subaru smooths Maru's hair a few times before his hand falls slack next to his head.
---
When Maru wakes up, his back is cramped and twisted in an odd way. He doesn't want to move because Subaru is half on his chest and Yasu is wrapped around Subaru. Maru's arm is over his head and his hand twitches a little. He realizes that his fingertips are touching Yasu's.
He's thankful for the hot weather, as they're all naked on the hard floor. He watches the ceiling fan swirl above him.
Yasu's fingers twitch against his, but Maru still doesn't move. He doesn't want to disturb them.
Then he sees Yasu across from Subaru's chest, groggy but awake.
"Good morning," Yasu says, smiling too brightly for someone who's just woken up when the sun isn't all the way up.
Yasu draws lines with his fingertips against he back of Maru's hand.
Maru closes his eyes again, not ready to completely wake up yet.
"Thank you," Maru says.
Fandom: Kanjani8
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Subaru/Yasu/Maru
Disclaimer: This is a fictional situation that never happened.
He shouldn't be watching.
He only sees it through a closing door, but Maru sticks the end of his shoe next to the door frame for just a moment. Just long enough to see Yasu's hand slip under Subaru's shirt. Subaru makes a noise that's almost too quiet for him to hear. It sounds like it starts somewhere in his chest and just vibrates in his throat. Then his mouth is against Yasu's, his hands traveling up Yasu's back and into his hair, and Maru has to let the door close.
He shouldn't be watching because it isn't for him to see. He's just an observer. At worst, a pervert, because he knows he won't be able to get the image out of his mind.
Fuck, he thinks, all the way down the stairs, and into the lobby of the photography studio. He nods at Ohkura as they meet in front of the door.
"Hey," Ohkura lifts his hand up so it's level with Maru's cheek. Then he brushes Maru's face with his thumb. Maru nearly jumps.
"Wha--"
"I think it was lipstick," Ohkura says. "Going on a date?"
Maru smiles, easily. "Could be worse. I could've walked out in the boa."
"At least we didn't have to get into the miniskirts?"
"Small favors, my friend," Maru says pulling his bag up higher on his shoulder and pushing against the door. "Not that I wouldn't have looked fantastic." Maru waggles his eyebrows.
Ohkura laughs, and it makes Maru feel good.
They stand on the sidewalk for a moment before Ohkura asks Maru to go out for drinks.
"Should we get those two?" Ohkura asks, and Maru knows he means Yasu and Subaru since everyone else has already left.
"I think they're... busy."
Ohkura looks up at the building then back at Maru. "Ah," he says.
They've all known about Yasu and Subaru for weeks, and it wasn't exactly a shock when they found out. It didn't change the group dynamic at all, and that made Maru wonder if it hadn't been going on longer than the two of them let on.
They walk to Ohkura's car, and Maru tosses his bag into the backseat. He can still see Yasu and Subaru in his mind. The image is sharp and he wonders if he can drink until it gets fuzzy.
---
Ohkura picks a bar that's sort of a restaurant. The menu is written on the coasters and all of the food is small and bite-sized. Maru wraps his hands around a cold glass, and he and Ohkura sit in comfortable silence.
Then Maru notices a small elevation in the floor near the corner with two amps and a drum kit on top of it.
Maru can tell Ohkura is already a little buzzed, because he's squinting as if Maru is on the other side of the room. Most of the people in the bar are much older than they are, and no one seems to recognize them. Ohkura's never brought Maru here before and can't count how many times they've been out drinking together.
They've settled into a pattern where, when the drinks are empty, they take turns walking over to the bar. But after three, the glasses sit dry on the table. Four boys walk over to the stage and Maru watches them set up their instruments, tune and tries to hear what they're saying to each other.
"Oy, oy," Ohkura mumbles, pointing at the empty glasses.
Maru hears the first chord while he's standing at the bar and his back is to the stage. It's a deep chord that resonates in his chest and makes his stomach feel warm. Then the drums kick in, and the singer screams above them. Maru just holds up two fingers to the bartender, he gives him the same two drinks that he came up for last time. Maru gets back to the table and puts a glass in Ohkura's waiting hand.
"Do you know these guys?" Maru asks, loud above the music.
Ohkura takes a long drink. "Nope," He says. "They're good."
They are, in a completely raw way. The singer doesn't hit all of the notes, but it doesn't matter. There is so much power in his voice that it's more like the notes aren't reaching him. Maru thinks about standing on that stage with Ohkura behind him and Subaru and Yasu to his side. He thinks about Subaru's voice filling the bar.
The singer reminds him of Subaru in the way that he isn't just singing a song. He leaves his sweat on the stage, and a piece of him stays in the room long after the sound of the last notes have faded.
Maru doesn't really think he deserves to be on a stage with the other three, but, since they let him, he tries to feel it, too. He tries to let the songs run through his body, and sometimes he does. Sometimes he gets a little taste of what Subaru must always feel like.
Ohkura drops him off at home and he stumbles to the door, scratching his key next to the doorknob and only opening it after a second try.
He turns on the TV and the radio at the same time and lies down on the couch, his hands in the waistband of his pants before he's even consciously thought about it.
The image of Subaru and Yasu hasn't become fuzzy - if anything it's sharper and brighter, and the noise that came from Subaru's mouth is louder. Maru thinks about Subaru singing with sweat falling out of his hair. He thinks about Subaru's hands on Yasu's back. Maru rubs his thighs. His skin is hot, and he puts one hand around his dick. He groans, but the sound is drowned out by all of the noise in the room. He doesn't realize until then just how turned on he is.
He closes his eyes and sees Yasu and Subaru against the wall of the dressing room and he's at the part where the door closed, but his mind fills in the details after that. He can see Yasu getting on his knees. He can see Subaru's legs spread and Yasu's hand slipping between them. He can see Yasu bent over the conference table and Subaru behind him with his jeans around his ankles.
Then Maru thinks about Yasu's blond hair between his own legs. He thinks about holding onto the back of Yasu's head while his lips slide up the length of his cock and he comes all over his hand and stomach with that image in his mind.
Maru feels like shit about it until he falls asleep, when he wakes up in the morning and for the entire next day.
---
Shingo ties the tie around Maru's neck in the back of the studio. It isn't that he can't tie it himself, but Shingo says he looks sloppy and offers to fix it. They're all in dark suits, and the whole room smells like hair product. He looks up at the ceiling until Shingo says, "There."
"Well?" Maru asks.
"You look like a waiter," Shingo grins.
They sit in rows while the girl from the magazine explains the shoot to them. It isn't odd for Subaru's arm to be around Maru's neck, and he absently brings his hand up to close around Subaru's. It's early in the morning - one of those days where they pose for pictures for an hour or two and then have the rest of the day off. Maru still feels like he's blinking the sleep out of his eyes.
He notices Subaru's other hand on Yasu's thigh, and Yasu is leaning into Subaru. They're good together, he thinks. They fit.
Then Subaru leans into Maru until the three of them are like dominoes about to fall. Yasu laughs behind his hand and it's suddenly not as comfortable as it should be. Maru's shoulders tighten and his back stiffens and Subaru starts kneading the tight muscles, instinctively, only making it worse.
"They're suits," Subaru whispers while the briefing continues. "They're for staring into the camera. Or, y'know, wistfully off to the side."
Maru nods but keeps all his attention on the girl.
"What is it?" Subaru asks, still moving his fingers in small circles on Maru's back.
"Nothing," Maru says, squeezing Subaru's hand.
The shoot takes a better part of three hours, and it feels like they're posing for school pictures or for someone's wedding. Tilt your head this way, hold your arm that way, smile, don't smile.
It isn't very exciting, but Maru is grateful that they're not expected to be funny that day. He doesn't feel like forcing it. He could, probably. Most gags are just whatever he feels like doing at the time, but he has a few saved up for emergencies. If he was lucky, maybe only Subaru would notice his heart wasn't in it.
Thankfully, the last picture is just a simple shot of all of them lined up, elbows on shoulders, hands in pockets, and seven simple, relaxed smiles.
When they're finished, he leaves the building with only a few quick goodbyes so he doesn't accidentally see anything he isn't supposed to see.
---
"Are you busy, Ryu-chan?" Is the simple text message Maru sees on his phone. There are a few red hearts after the message and he knows it's from Yasu even before scrolling down to see the name.
Is he? He's watching an old concert DVD and trying to organize an impossibly disorganized bookshelf. Not really, he thinks, then sends a text with the same sentiment. Yasu arrives soon after with his guitar strapped to his back and a notebook cradled in his arm. He looks excited, like he's ready to jump right out of his skin.
"What?" Maru asks, half laughing and infected by Yasu's excitement.
"Will you play something with me?" Yasu is already pulling his guitar out of the case and the strap over his shoulder before Maru has closed the door behind him.
He keeps a small practice amp next to the couch, and he drags it across the floor so it's facing both of them. He pulls his bass from where it's leaning against the wall and plugs it in, then waits for Yasu to start. The first few chords are awkward while Maru tries to gain an understanding of the song - it's light and airy and he can see why Yasu needs the sounds of a bass to fill in the gaps. He plays on the off beats, then strays from the basic melody when he gets more comfortable with the chords. Yasu starts singing.
The song is unmistakably written by Yasu. The lyrics are simple and sweet, and Maru tries to complement them, even tries to hum a harmony and hums a little louder when Yasu looks at him, nodding furiously.
"What do you think?" Yasu asks, strumming out the last few chords.
He loves it, not only for the song itself, but for Yasu's love of playing it. "It's really good," Maru says, sincerely.
"I just kept hearing a bass part in my head and... I knew you'd be able to play it for me," Yasu says. "Thank you."
Then Yasu just starts strumming again, nothing in particular, just chords that sound good together, and Maru starts picking out notes, trying to experiment with a rhythm. They used to do this a lot when they were younger, just jam aimlessly, and their schedule has been so regimented lately that it's hard to find the time between rehearsals. He doesn't know how long the song goes on, but Yasu brings his arm up and then jabs his guitar pick into the strings. Maru is a bit behind him on the final note, but they meet somewhere at the end and Maru listens while the sound fades out.
"Ahh," Yasu sighs. "Sounded good, huh?"
Maru starts stretching out his hand, alternating between spreading his fingers and tightening into a fist. Yasu takes Maru's hand and starts kneading his thumbs into Maru's palm.
Music is a language that Maru understands pretty easily, but this is where it feels complicated. He tries to remember when it started to feel that way, but he knows it was the day of the photo shoot, the one with the silly boas and the really gaudy pants. The day he didn't let the door close all the way. But he can't pull his hand away from Yasu, even though he's pretty sure Yasu won't question him even if he does.
He looks at Yasu for too long, his fingers still spread out and Yasu still pressing two thumbs into the heel of his palm.
"Is there anything you want to write?" Yasu asks him.
He always wants to write nonsense, because he loves the way it feels when people laugh. It's fun and light and something he understands easily. He's never thought much about writing anything else. Subaru and Yasu are so good at it already, and he doesn't quite know what he'd want to say anyway.
Maru thinks about the singer that he and Ohkura saw at the bar so many nights ago. Maru was so focused on the sound of his voice that he didn't give much thought to the words, but he thinks they were about drowning or falling. Or that's what it seemed like to him. Maybe he'd want to write about that, but falling and having something to hold onto. Something to break the fall.
"I don't know," Maru says. "Something... strong, I think."
Yasu's thumbs stop kneading, and Maru's hand moves along Yasu's forearm until he's almost reached the elbow, then stops. He doesn't know why he did that, and his hand feels so heavy against Yasu's arm. Yasu doesn't even seem to notice.
"Something heavy?" Yasu asks. "Lots of drums? Lots of bass?"
"Strong in the words," Maru says, and it sounds just as stupid out loud as it had in his head, but Yasu smiles like he understands completely.
"I could help you," Yasu offers. "Maybe not with the words, I'm not good at words like that, but with the music part." Yasu's hand rests on top of Maru's, still heavy on Yasu's forearm. He squeezes Maru's fingers.
If it were a month ago, Maru could have done something really idiotic like lean forward and see if Yasu would let him. But would he? All of the years he's known Yasu, he's never wanted pull Yasu closer like this. He's already so close, they're already nearly on the same cushion of the couch with two bulky instruments between them, not moving despite the discomfort.
Then he thinks he knows why. Seeing Subaru and Yasu together makes him feel lonely.
Yasu is such a good guy - such a good person - and he doesn't deserve for Maru to be thinking of him like this.
"I'm a bad friend," Maru says.
Yasu keeps looking right at him. "You're a great friend."
"I'm not, I'm--"
"You're a great friend," Yasu says again.
---
"Hey," Yasu says, his arms folded underneath his chin and resting on Subaru's naked chest.
"Yeah?"
"I want to try something."
---
Subaru stands in his doorway with his hand around the necks of two bottles.
"Oy," Subaru says. "Why are you dressed like that? It's so early!"
He means Maru's pajama pants, thin tank top and hair pulled back into a clip. Subaru does have a point. It's only 5 pm. Yasu pokes his head over Subaru's shoulder with a big, bright smile.
"We were in the area!" Yasu says and Maru can't do anything else but step aside to let them in. He rubs his eyes.
Subaru plants himself on the couch and opens one of the bottles. He seems a little stiff, Maru notices, but this is awkward, them showing up unannounced. They don't normally do things like this.
"At least use a glass," Yasu says, he looks at Maru, and nods in the direction of the kitchen. "Is it ok?"
"Yeah," Maru says, not taking his eyes off of Subaru. Subaru gives him a lazy grin that creeps across his face like he isn't even meaning to.
Yasu comes back with three glasses and sits down on the floor, looking up at the other two on the couch.
"So... it's too early to be relaxing, but not too early to drink?" Maru asks, taking the glass from Yasu and feeling the cold liquid against his hand.
"It's never too early to drink," Subaru says.
Yasu pours a glass for himself and drinks it much faster than Maru expects.
"So, Yasu was thinking..." Subaru starts.
"Not just me!" Yasu's cheeks are faintly red and he looks like he's about to hit Subaru's knee, but his hand just rests there instead.
Maru looks from one to the other, nervously because they're acting so strange.
"Go on, then." It sounds like Subaru's voice, but everything in the room starts to melt together after the words come out. Yasu is in Maru's lap and Maru smells the liquor on his breath first, then tastes it when Yasu presses their lips together. It's completely surreal, especially with Subaru there, circling the bottle so the liquid sloshes around.
Maru doesn't know what to do. He knows what his body wants to do, but he isn't sure if it's right. The atmosphere in the room turns into something like a dream where it could be real, but the edges are fuzzy. He brings his hands up to Yasu's shoulders and pushes him back so he's a few inches away. "Woah, woah, woah," He says.
Yasu's expression is mostly unreadable, but he looks calm and still a little red. Maru feels Yasu's hands on the back of his neck, just resting there. "It's ok," Yasu says. "I promise."
"Show's getting a little boring over here," Subaru says in a deep, almost comical voice that struggles against the tension between the tree of them. Yasu is smiling, a little shyly. Yasu doesn't pull Maru closer to him, but Maru starts to move closer anyway. He considers Yasu for a moment. Then Subaru clears his throat, and Maru can feel the cushions next to him moving.
"Do it like this," Subaru says, pulling Yasu against him and kissing him hard enough to rock all three of them against each other. Maru's mouth hangs open and he thinks he could be content just to watch them like this, where they're letting him see, but then Subaru breaks the kiss and puts his hand on the back of Maru's head, pulling him close. Subaru kisses Maru more gently than he did Yasu, but it's still aggressive. It isn't the first time Subaru has kissed him, but it's been a long time. It's more intense than a playful kiss backstage or an absent peck outside of a bar. Subaru's mouth is hot, and the kiss gets sloppy when Yasu starts to roll his hips in Maru's lap.
"Yeah?" Subaru asks. Maru just nods. Subaru nudges Yasu and Maru's heads together and Yasu kisses him so naturally that Maru just lets himself kiss back. His hands have stayed on Yasu's shoulders this whole time and it still feels like he's holding Yasu at bay, but they're giving him permission. Both of them are letting him in. It feels genuinely good for a moment. Then he starts to wonder if this isn't about pity.
It's scary, sometimes, just how well Subaru understands him. He's just the smallest bit off, and Subaru knows without him having to say a word. Yasu's hands are still behind Maru's neck and he's kissing Maru slowly and gently and then Subaru's hand runs down the plane of Maru's back, smoothing down the fabric of his shirt. Does Subaru feel sorry for him? Subaru's hand moves back up and meets Yasu's. Maru thinks he can feel their fingers lacing together. He doesn't know why either of them are here with him like this, but he thinks about how Yasu told him that he's a great friend. Being a great friend has something to do with trust. Maru closes his eyes and decides to trust both of them.
Yasu is turned on. Maru can feel it and he's turned on too, but he waits for one of them to tell him what to do because he's so afraid of crossing a line. Subaru separates from them and leans back against the arm of the couch, his hand already halfway down his pants. Yasu keeps moving his hips in Maru's lap. Subaru watches them, and Maru hears a zipper off to the side. He moves his hands down Yasu's back until he's holding onto Yasu's ass. Yasu grinds hard into his lap and that makes Subaru groan.
"Do you want more?" Yasu whispers against his mouth in a way that's sexy completely by accident.
He doesn't even need to answer the question, because Yasu's fingers are teasing the elastic band of his pants. Maru's hips jerk involuntarily just at the thought of Yasu touching him. Subaru stands, shedding his clothes and leaving them hanging on the back of the couch. He gets behind Yasu and pulls Yasu's shirt up over his head. Then Yasu turns around and kisses Subaru while his hands stray into Maru's pants, and Maru is afraid he'll come right then and there so he has to hold onto Yasu's wrist.
"Not yet," He says, and Yasu understands.
Maru watches Yasu climb off of the couch and onto the floor where Subaru immediately straddles his waist and starts sucking hard on his neck. Yasu writhes under him and makes a noise that sounds a little like a squeak. Maru feels the guilt of keeping his toe in the doorway lifting and he knows they aren't doing this only for him, but they know he's watching, and that's incredible in itself. When Maru licks his dry lips, he tastes sweat. Subaru pulls Yasu's pants down to his thighs in a hurry, and Yasu squirms the rest of the way out of them. Maru starts to stroke himself - lightly because he's been almost there since Yasu first climbed into his lap and he wants to hold off all night if he can. Whatever happens, it's going to be over too quickly. He tries to memorize everything.
Yasu whispers something in Subaru's ear, then Subaru nods. Yasu hands Subaru a small tube from the pocket of his discarded pants and Subaru starts fiddling with it while Yasu gets up on his knees and settles between Maru's legs. His eyes look wild with excitement and he runs his tongue along his bottom lip. Yasu moans and it comes from somewhere between his throat and his chest. It's a voice that doesn't even sound like Yasu's at all. Subaru is on his knees behind Yasu, pushing his fingers into Yasu's ass and Yasu closes his eyes, just panting silently against Maru's thigh. Then Subaru thrusts into Yasu, and Yasu's eyes snap open. He growls in that low voice again, and wraps his fingers around Maru's cock.
It's that image, almost exactly, where he's holding the back of Yasu's head. The one that made him nearly sick to his stomach with guilt for almost two days. The only thing missing from it was Subaru, and now he understands why Subaru has to be a part of the image for it to make any sense. Yasu starts with his tongue at the base of his cock and works his way upwards, hungrily, then moves his tongue in circles around the head. Maru almost can't handle it, but he has to keep watching. The other part of the image that was missing was Yasu looking up and directly at his eyes. He watches Yasu's tongue slide down then back up one more time, then Yasu opens his mouth wide and takes half of Maru's cock inside.
Every time Subaru thrusts, it pushes Yasu's mouth a little further so that Maru is a little deeper. It only takes two more of Subaru's thrusts, and Maru can't hold out anymore.
"Yasu," Maru says, warning him even though it's nearly too late. Yasu's fingers dig into Maru's thighs, and Maru comes hard into Yasu's mouth. Yasu keeps looking at him, licking up every drop. Then he rests his head against Maru's thigh, breathing hard. Subaru's thrusting gets faster, harder, more frantic.
Maru thinks he might be able to get worked up again just watching them. Subaru has his arm wrapped around Yasu's waist, and he's stroking Yasu while he's pushing him hard into the couch. They look right, Maru thinks, just like he always has. He wonders how he looks with them.
Subaru comes on Yasu's back, breathing hard on his shoulder. Sweat falls down from his forehead onto Yasu's skin and right after that Yasu's breath hitches and he exhales deeply against Maru's thigh.
Subaru looks at Maru, his chest heaving.
"Mmm." Yasu collapses on the floor and Subaru curls up against him.
Subaru already looks completely spent and half asleep and he brings his hand up lazily and waves it in front of Maru.
"C'mere," He mumbles.
Maru lies next to him on the hard floor. Subaru smooths Maru's hair a few times before his hand falls slack next to his head.
---
When Maru wakes up, his back is cramped and twisted in an odd way. He doesn't want to move because Subaru is half on his chest and Yasu is wrapped around Subaru. Maru's arm is over his head and his hand twitches a little. He realizes that his fingertips are touching Yasu's.
He's thankful for the hot weather, as they're all naked on the hard floor. He watches the ceiling fan swirl above him.
Yasu's fingers twitch against his, but Maru still doesn't move. He doesn't want to disturb them.
Then he sees Yasu across from Subaru's chest, groggy but awake.
"Good morning," Yasu says, smiling too brightly for someone who's just woken up when the sun isn't all the way up.
Yasu draws lines with his fingertips against he back of Maru's hand.
Maru closes his eyes again, not ready to completely wake up yet.
"Thank you," Maru says.