Y'know...
Title:Y’know…
Rating: PG
Pairings: various notsoninja!s
Summary: Yesung makes some observations.
A/N Totally not my view of things >.>
“Y’know….” Yesung said to Shindong one day as they both sat at the kitchen table. “Kyuhyun is a manwhore.”
Shindong choked on his coffee; Yesung thumped him on the back. After a minute, Shindong managed a, “What?”
“Well, think about it.” Yesung said. “Half of the time he’s off having special hugs with Sungminnie. And then the other half of the time he’s having special hugs from ‘Wookie. And then the other half of the time he’s with Zhou Mi! He has the most people of any of us.” Shindong thought for a moment. He figured this was going to be another one of Yesung’s weird conversations. He decided to just go with it. Ignoring Yesung’s obvious unawareness of the meaning of the word “half,” he said, “Huh. Y’know, I think you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Y’know why else he’s a mahwhore? He always has that stupid ‘I-know-I’m-sexy’ look. Its like he’s rubbing it in.” Yesung didn’t sound bitter; more just amused. Shindong thought. Kyuhyun did always have that look. He agreed.
“But… if Kyuhyun’s a manwhore, then what the hell is Heechul?” Shindong asked.
“Heechul? Oh, he’s a slut.” Yesung said dismissively. Shindong looked confused.
“What?”
“Heechul. He’s a slut, Isn’t it obvious? Yesung asked. No, it very well isn’t obvious, thought Shindong.
“I don’t see the difference. Aren’t manwhores and sluts the same thing?” He asked. Yesung rolled his eyes.
“No, they are not the same thing. Manwhores are people like Kyuhyun who go have special hugs with like ten billion people once in a while. Sluts are people like Heechul who have special hugs with one person like ten billion times. Duh.” He spoke with the air of explaining to a small child that one plus one equals two. Shindong remained silent for a while, struggling to work out Yesung’s logic.
“Ahh.…” he said after a while. “…And who would that one person be for Heechul?” Yesung gave him a Look.
“Hankyung. Duh. Don’t you ever pay attention, Shindong?” This slightly offended Shindong. Of course he paid attention. He just didn’t spend his time stalking the members’ relationships and labeling them. He decided to not voice his complaint, and to just keep asking questions. Why not learn something today?
“Oh, right.” He said. “Silly me. But I thought Heechul had Siwon too?” Yesung gave him another Look.
“Are you crazy? Siwon wouldn’t be caught dead with any of us. In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s kinda religious.”
“We’re all kinda religious, hyung. Except Heechul.”
“Well yeah, but Siwon even more so.”
Shindong nodded.
“So then… Kyu’s a manwhore... and Heechul’s a slut.” He said after a while. Yesung nodded.
“And Sungminnies a whore.” Shindong looked even more confused than before.
“…But. You said Kyuhyun was a whore? Because he had Sungminnie, ‘Wookie, and Zhou Mi. But Sungminnie only has Kyu. I don’t. How?”
“Ugh. Pay attention, will you? Sungmin is a whore, not a manwhore. Whores have sex with one person like ten billion times.” This confused Shindong even more.
“But… you said sluts had sex with one person like ten billion times.” Yesung sighed.
“Look. Sluts only have sex with one person because they’re like totally loyal and in love with that one person or whatever. Whores are like that, but with a whole lot more lust. Heechul fucks Hankyung every night more for the togetherness. Sungmin fucks Kyuhyun every night because he’s a horny little bastard. But he still loves Kyuhyun. Get it?”
Shindong didn’t get it.
“Oh, yeah, I get it.”
“Good.” Yesung smiled. After a while, Shindong spoke again.
“So what does that make Donghae and Kibum? I mean. They have sex like every other night too. But it like comes out of nowhere, one minute Donghae’ll be laughing and jabbering nonstop and Kibum’ll be studying or reading or something and then the next minute they’ll be fucking each other into the mattress.” Yesung laughed.
“Those two are like fetish whores. Or kink whores. ….They’re fetishkinkwhores.” Shindong was silent for a moment.
“…Fetishkinkwhores? The fuck is a fetishkinkwhore?” Yesung laughed some more.
“See. Donghae gets horny when Kibum gets annoyed or angry. Because it makes Kibum flex his arms. And Donghae thinks Kibum has like the sexiest arms in the world. …Which is true,” He explained. Shindong nodded slowly. “So he just babbles on without even realizing he’s doing it, and he doesn’t even realize that Kibum’s getting annoyed until it’s too late. And then he gets all needy and lusty and moan-y. And you kinda can’t stop Donghae when he gets like that, and he just goes on and on and presses all up against Kibum and whispers in his ear and all that. And by that time he’s willing to let Kibum do whatever he wants to him, as long as they have sex. And Kibum gets off on being in control or whatever. And then….well, you know.” He finished. Shindong thought about all this and agreed. This conversation was turning out to be more informative than he had thought.
“So then. Kyu’s a manwhore, Sungminnie’s a regular whore, Kibum and Donghae are… fetishkinkwhores, and Heechul’s a slut.”
“That’s right,” Yesung said, nodding.
“So then. What are Kangin and Eeteuk?”
“Married,” said Yesung simply. Shindong thought. That didn’t need any more explanation, really. He always did say Eeteuk and Kangin were the mother and father of the group.
“So what are Zhou Mi and Henry?”
Yesung thought.
“Well. Zhou Mi’s a whore, just like Sungminnie. But Henry and Hyukjae are straight. .So. I suppose Henry is more like. That ‘forever alone’ face thing, y’know? I suppose he would have tons of girls falling at his feet, but Umma Eeteuk over there has some stupid idea in his head that he needs to protect Henry’s ‘innocence.’ Like he’s ever been innocent,” he said with a laugh. Shindong laughed too, but then stopped suddenly.
“Wait-Eunhyuk’s straight? Whatever happened to Donghae?” Yesung gave him the biggest Look yet.
“Hyukjae and Donghae? Are you kidding me? Those two idiots are too mature to be together. Donghae relies on Kibum to keep him relatively mature. Walk over to them when they’re sitting together and say ‘penis.’ They will not stop laughing for like half an hour.” Shindong made a mental note to try that later. Yesung continued on his rant: “Hyukjae and Donghae are like best friends, not lover-type people. They only kiss sometimes to cheer each other up when one of them is feeling all emo. And another thing-”
“I get it, hyung,” Shindong said, cutting across Yesung. They sat there for a while as Shindong tried to understand everything he had learned that day, and as Yesung swayed to a song only he could hear. After a few minutes, Shindong realized that he had forgotten someone. “What about ‘Wookie?”” He asked. Yesung suddenly went on the defensive.
“What about ‘Wookie? What are you saying? There’s nothing wrong with him!” Shindong edged away in his chair before replying.
“Nothing! I wasn’t saying anything bad, I was just wondering. You said half the time he was with Kyu, right? So isn’t he with you the other half of the time? And doesn’t he like. Love you both or something like that? Why doesn’t he pick one?”
“Ohh. He’s submissive. He can’t really say no to someone he loves when their hand is down his pants. And he kind of likes it, anyway. Y’know. Being controlled. And he always yells at us for little things anyway, so he has his little revenges.”
“Ahh…” Shindong stared at Yesung, who was stirring his coffee. Something seemed a bit off to him about Yesung’s description of Ryeowook. He sat there ad tried to figure it out. According to Yesung, Ryeowook had sex with two people a lot of times because he loved them, was filled with lust, and liked being controlled. Shindong finally spoke after about ten minutes.
“So…. What you’re saying is…. Ryeowook is a married-man-fetishkink-whore-slut?”
He dodged the coffee cup Yesung threw at him and fled the room.
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Aaaaand this is fail. Woo!
Rating: PG
Pairings: various notsoninja!s
Summary: Yesung makes some observations.
A/N Totally not my view of things >.>
“Y’know….” Yesung said to Shindong one day as they both sat at the kitchen table. “Kyuhyun is a manwhore.”
Shindong choked on his coffee; Yesung thumped him on the back. After a minute, Shindong managed a, “What?”
“Well, think about it.” Yesung said. “Half of the time he’s off having special hugs with Sungminnie. And then the other half of the time he’s having special hugs from ‘Wookie. And then the other half of the time he’s with Zhou Mi! He has the most people of any of us.” Shindong thought for a moment. He figured this was going to be another one of Yesung’s weird conversations. He decided to just go with it. Ignoring Yesung’s obvious unawareness of the meaning of the word “half,” he said, “Huh. Y’know, I think you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Y’know why else he’s a mahwhore? He always has that stupid ‘I-know-I’m-sexy’ look. Its like he’s rubbing it in.” Yesung didn’t sound bitter; more just amused. Shindong thought. Kyuhyun did always have that look. He agreed.
“But… if Kyuhyun’s a manwhore, then what the hell is Heechul?” Shindong asked.
“Heechul? Oh, he’s a slut.” Yesung said dismissively. Shindong looked confused.
“What?”
“Heechul. He’s a slut, Isn’t it obvious? Yesung asked. No, it very well isn’t obvious, thought Shindong.
“I don’t see the difference. Aren’t manwhores and sluts the same thing?” He asked. Yesung rolled his eyes.
“No, they are not the same thing. Manwhores are people like Kyuhyun who go have special hugs with like ten billion people once in a while. Sluts are people like Heechul who have special hugs with one person like ten billion times. Duh.” He spoke with the air of explaining to a small child that one plus one equals two. Shindong remained silent for a while, struggling to work out Yesung’s logic.
“Ahh.…” he said after a while. “…And who would that one person be for Heechul?” Yesung gave him a Look.
“Hankyung. Duh. Don’t you ever pay attention, Shindong?” This slightly offended Shindong. Of course he paid attention. He just didn’t spend his time stalking the members’ relationships and labeling them. He decided to not voice his complaint, and to just keep asking questions. Why not learn something today?
“Oh, right.” He said. “Silly me. But I thought Heechul had Siwon too?” Yesung gave him another Look.
“Are you crazy? Siwon wouldn’t be caught dead with any of us. In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s kinda religious.”
“We’re all kinda religious, hyung. Except Heechul.”
“Well yeah, but Siwon even more so.”
Shindong nodded.
“So then… Kyu’s a manwhore... and Heechul’s a slut.” He said after a while. Yesung nodded.
“And Sungminnies a whore.” Shindong looked even more confused than before.
“…But. You said Kyuhyun was a whore? Because he had Sungminnie, ‘Wookie, and Zhou Mi. But Sungminnie only has Kyu. I don’t. How?”
“Ugh. Pay attention, will you? Sungmin is a whore, not a manwhore. Whores have sex with one person like ten billion times.” This confused Shindong even more.
“But… you said sluts had sex with one person like ten billion times.” Yesung sighed.
“Look. Sluts only have sex with one person because they’re like totally loyal and in love with that one person or whatever. Whores are like that, but with a whole lot more lust. Heechul fucks Hankyung every night more for the togetherness. Sungmin fucks Kyuhyun every night because he’s a horny little bastard. But he still loves Kyuhyun. Get it?”
Shindong didn’t get it.
“Oh, yeah, I get it.”
“Good.” Yesung smiled. After a while, Shindong spoke again.
“So what does that make Donghae and Kibum? I mean. They have sex like every other night too. But it like comes out of nowhere, one minute Donghae’ll be laughing and jabbering nonstop and Kibum’ll be studying or reading or something and then the next minute they’ll be fucking each other into the mattress.” Yesung laughed.
“Those two are like fetish whores. Or kink whores. ….They’re fetishkinkwhores.” Shindong was silent for a moment.
“…Fetishkinkwhores? The fuck is a fetishkinkwhore?” Yesung laughed some more.
“See. Donghae gets horny when Kibum gets annoyed or angry. Because it makes Kibum flex his arms. And Donghae thinks Kibum has like the sexiest arms in the world. …Which is true,” He explained. Shindong nodded slowly. “So he just babbles on without even realizing he’s doing it, and he doesn’t even realize that Kibum’s getting annoyed until it’s too late. And then he gets all needy and lusty and moan-y. And you kinda can’t stop Donghae when he gets like that, and he just goes on and on and presses all up against Kibum and whispers in his ear and all that. And by that time he’s willing to let Kibum do whatever he wants to him, as long as they have sex. And Kibum gets off on being in control or whatever. And then….well, you know.” He finished. Shindong thought about all this and agreed. This conversation was turning out to be more informative than he had thought.
“So then. Kyu’s a manwhore, Sungminnie’s a regular whore, Kibum and Donghae are… fetishkinkwhores, and Heechul’s a slut.”
“That’s right,” Yesung said, nodding.
“So then. What are Kangin and Eeteuk?”
“Married,” said Yesung simply. Shindong thought. That didn’t need any more explanation, really. He always did say Eeteuk and Kangin were the mother and father of the group.
“So what are Zhou Mi and Henry?”
Yesung thought.
“Well. Zhou Mi’s a whore, just like Sungminnie. But Henry and Hyukjae are straight. .So. I suppose Henry is more like. That ‘forever alone’ face thing, y’know? I suppose he would have tons of girls falling at his feet, but Umma Eeteuk over there has some stupid idea in his head that he needs to protect Henry’s ‘innocence.’ Like he’s ever been innocent,” he said with a laugh. Shindong laughed too, but then stopped suddenly.
“Wait-Eunhyuk’s straight? Whatever happened to Donghae?” Yesung gave him the biggest Look yet.
“Hyukjae and Donghae? Are you kidding me? Those two idiots are too mature to be together. Donghae relies on Kibum to keep him relatively mature. Walk over to them when they’re sitting together and say ‘penis.’ They will not stop laughing for like half an hour.” Shindong made a mental note to try that later. Yesung continued on his rant: “Hyukjae and Donghae are like best friends, not lover-type people. They only kiss sometimes to cheer each other up when one of them is feeling all emo. And another thing-”
“I get it, hyung,” Shindong said, cutting across Yesung. They sat there for a while as Shindong tried to understand everything he had learned that day, and as Yesung swayed to a song only he could hear. After a few minutes, Shindong realized that he had forgotten someone. “What about ‘Wookie?”” He asked. Yesung suddenly went on the defensive.
“What about ‘Wookie? What are you saying? There’s nothing wrong with him!” Shindong edged away in his chair before replying.
“Nothing! I wasn’t saying anything bad, I was just wondering. You said half the time he was with Kyu, right? So isn’t he with you the other half of the time? And doesn’t he like. Love you both or something like that? Why doesn’t he pick one?”
“Ohh. He’s submissive. He can’t really say no to someone he loves when their hand is down his pants. And he kind of likes it, anyway. Y’know. Being controlled. And he always yells at us for little things anyway, so he has his little revenges.”
“Ahh…” Shindong stared at Yesung, who was stirring his coffee. Something seemed a bit off to him about Yesung’s description of Ryeowook. He sat there ad tried to figure it out. According to Yesung, Ryeowook had sex with two people a lot of times because he loved them, was filled with lust, and liked being controlled. Shindong finally spoke after about ten minutes.
“So…. What you’re saying is…. Ryeowook is a married-man-fetishkink-whore-slut?”
He dodged the coffee cup Yesung threw at him and fled the room.
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Aaaaand this is fail. Woo!