Ficlet: Fears & Tears For You To See
Title Fears & Tears For You To See
Rating PG
Word Count 1,000
Spoilers For 3.17
Summary Mike and Blaine have a chat between two performances in the choir room.
Notes Because of this moment in last night's episode.
Blaine’s not quite sure when he and Mike became friends, but he’s glad they did. Because, sure, everyone may like Blaine, just like Kurt says, but when it comes down to it, they’re all really Kurt’s friends. He’d been close to Rachel during the play, but now she and Kurt are besties once more, talking about NYADA and New York every waking second of the day, and it’s just really starting to hit him. That he’s going to be stuck in McKinley next year alone, with people that aren’t even really his friends.
When Mike appears in the locker room door a few minutes after his performance, he’s not entirely surprised. One of the things he and Mike have been able to bond over was the fact that they’re both in the most stable relationships in New Directions, and quite possibly, the whole school. Sometimes Blaine will watch them when Mr. Schue is droning on about something, watch how in love they are, what a perfect match they are for each other. How Mike’s arm will drape around Tina’s shoulders and she’ll lean her head against his. Blaine and Kurt are usually never that affectionate in public, even in the choir room, but even still, sometimes Tina will be glancing their way out of the corner of her eye at how their bodies turn in towards each other. They’ll share a smile, and even though Blaine is closer to Mike, he’s reminded for just a moment that maybe he won’t be completely alone next year.
Today, he didn’t have those feelings.
He’s sitting on one of the benches when Mike finds him. He hasn’t been able to find it in himself to change out of his clothes and into his gym uniform, but at least he’s stopped crying. “So, what was all that about?” Mike asks, his tone neutral.
Blaine scrubs his fingers over his face to wipe away any errant tears. “There’s … this guy. He and Kurt have been texting. Chandler," Blaine pauses, making dramatic air quotes with his fingers, "is going to New York next year and he’s texting him instead of me. Practically hundreds of messages. We used to text that much and now …” Blaine trails off and buries his head in his hands again.
Mike sets his jaw, taking in the information and sitting down on the far end of the bench, still giving Blaine some space. “Have you been texting him?” Mike finally asks, his tone still impartial, and Blaine wonders how Mike learned to be so calm in the chaos of this school.
Blaine turns to look at Mike, confusion apparently showing on his face, because Mike clarifies. “Has he been ignoring your texts? Or are you both just not texting each other?”
Blaine looks away from Mike, staring at an invisible spot on one of the gym lockers in front of them. “I guess … I guess we haven’t been texting each other.”
Mike lets Blaine draw his own conclusions. “Blaine, whatever’s going on with this guy - you know Kurt loves you, right? I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want to throw away what you guys have because of some stupid texts.”
Blaine swallows the lump in his throat. He wants to ask Mike what happened after he left. Did Kurt run out the door too? Did Rachel run after him?
Did he just sit there like nothing had happened?
Blaine’s not so sure he wants to know after all.
They sit in silence for a few minutes, the locker room quiet aside from Blaine’s slightly erratic breathing. Finally, Blaine whispers, “I’m scared.”
“About?” Mike asks, resting his forearms on his knees and turning slightly towards Blaine.
“Kurt is so excited to get to New York, and start his life, and I know it has nothing to do with me, I know that deep down, but it still … hurts. Like what we have here is just biding time until the fall. When he gets to New York, he’ll meet all these new people, and I’ll just be … irrelevant. Irrelevant and alone. I mean, he didn’t even have to leave Ohio for that to happen.” Blaine feels the tears start to well in his eyes once more, and he wills them not to fall in front of Mike.
“Have you talked about it?” Mike asks, and Blaine doesn’t answer that, because of course not. If they’d talked about it instead of both pulling away from each other, they probably wouldn’t be here. He knows that, deep down, he knows that’s what Mike’s getting at, but right now it’s easier to be angry at Kurt for what he did than think about that. He’s angry and it hurts. “Tina and I talk about next year all the time. How it’s going to be hard work, but we’ll make it work anyways. Because we love each other. Like you and Kurt do. Anything else … just isn’t an option.”
Blaine can’t keep his fears from bubbling out his mouth. “But what if he doesn’t love me. After everything.” It’s a statement, not a question, because Blaine always has these niggling feelings at the back of his mind about how he’s not good enough for Kurt. It’s times like these that they boil to the surface and are so strong Blaine can’t see straight.
“He does.” Another statement, no room for doubt in it at all. “Trust me, he does.”
Blaine turns to face Mike then, wondering how he can be so sure but afraid to ask. He wonders if Mike is drawing from something similar that happened with Tina (if he is, they’d at least been smart enough to not sing about their feelings in front of the whole choir room), or how Mike’s just the eternal optimist, wanting to see the good in everyone.
When Kurt sings to him later, he can hear the silent told you he loves you in Mike’s backwards glance.
In that moment, Blaine starts to believe him.
Rating PG
Word Count 1,000
Spoilers For 3.17
Summary Mike and Blaine have a chat between two performances in the choir room.
Notes Because of this moment in last night's episode.
Blaine’s not quite sure when he and Mike became friends, but he’s glad they did. Because, sure, everyone may like Blaine, just like Kurt says, but when it comes down to it, they’re all really Kurt’s friends. He’d been close to Rachel during the play, but now she and Kurt are besties once more, talking about NYADA and New York every waking second of the day, and it’s just really starting to hit him. That he’s going to be stuck in McKinley next year alone, with people that aren’t even really his friends.
When Mike appears in the locker room door a few minutes after his performance, he’s not entirely surprised. One of the things he and Mike have been able to bond over was the fact that they’re both in the most stable relationships in New Directions, and quite possibly, the whole school. Sometimes Blaine will watch them when Mr. Schue is droning on about something, watch how in love they are, what a perfect match they are for each other. How Mike’s arm will drape around Tina’s shoulders and she’ll lean her head against his. Blaine and Kurt are usually never that affectionate in public, even in the choir room, but even still, sometimes Tina will be glancing their way out of the corner of her eye at how their bodies turn in towards each other. They’ll share a smile, and even though Blaine is closer to Mike, he’s reminded for just a moment that maybe he won’t be completely alone next year.
Today, he didn’t have those feelings.
He’s sitting on one of the benches when Mike finds him. He hasn’t been able to find it in himself to change out of his clothes and into his gym uniform, but at least he’s stopped crying. “So, what was all that about?” Mike asks, his tone neutral.
Blaine scrubs his fingers over his face to wipe away any errant tears. “There’s … this guy. He and Kurt have been texting. Chandler," Blaine pauses, making dramatic air quotes with his fingers, "is going to New York next year and he’s texting him instead of me. Practically hundreds of messages. We used to text that much and now …” Blaine trails off and buries his head in his hands again.
Mike sets his jaw, taking in the information and sitting down on the far end of the bench, still giving Blaine some space. “Have you been texting him?” Mike finally asks, his tone still impartial, and Blaine wonders how Mike learned to be so calm in the chaos of this school.
Blaine turns to look at Mike, confusion apparently showing on his face, because Mike clarifies. “Has he been ignoring your texts? Or are you both just not texting each other?”
Blaine looks away from Mike, staring at an invisible spot on one of the gym lockers in front of them. “I guess … I guess we haven’t been texting each other.”
Mike lets Blaine draw his own conclusions. “Blaine, whatever’s going on with this guy - you know Kurt loves you, right? I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want to throw away what you guys have because of some stupid texts.”
Blaine swallows the lump in his throat. He wants to ask Mike what happened after he left. Did Kurt run out the door too? Did Rachel run after him?
Did he just sit there like nothing had happened?
Blaine’s not so sure he wants to know after all.
They sit in silence for a few minutes, the locker room quiet aside from Blaine’s slightly erratic breathing. Finally, Blaine whispers, “I’m scared.”
“About?” Mike asks, resting his forearms on his knees and turning slightly towards Blaine.
“Kurt is so excited to get to New York, and start his life, and I know it has nothing to do with me, I know that deep down, but it still … hurts. Like what we have here is just biding time until the fall. When he gets to New York, he’ll meet all these new people, and I’ll just be … irrelevant. Irrelevant and alone. I mean, he didn’t even have to leave Ohio for that to happen.” Blaine feels the tears start to well in his eyes once more, and he wills them not to fall in front of Mike.
“Have you talked about it?” Mike asks, and Blaine doesn’t answer that, because of course not. If they’d talked about it instead of both pulling away from each other, they probably wouldn’t be here. He knows that, deep down, he knows that’s what Mike’s getting at, but right now it’s easier to be angry at Kurt for what he did than think about that. He’s angry and it hurts. “Tina and I talk about next year all the time. How it’s going to be hard work, but we’ll make it work anyways. Because we love each other. Like you and Kurt do. Anything else … just isn’t an option.”
Blaine can’t keep his fears from bubbling out his mouth. “But what if he doesn’t love me. After everything.” It’s a statement, not a question, because Blaine always has these niggling feelings at the back of his mind about how he’s not good enough for Kurt. It’s times like these that they boil to the surface and are so strong Blaine can’t see straight.
“He does.” Another statement, no room for doubt in it at all. “Trust me, he does.”
Blaine turns to face Mike then, wondering how he can be so sure but afraid to ask. He wonders if Mike is drawing from something similar that happened with Tina (if he is, they’d at least been smart enough to not sing about their feelings in front of the whole choir room), or how Mike’s just the eternal optimist, wanting to see the good in everyone.
When Kurt sings to him later, he can hear the silent told you he loves you in Mike’s backwards glance.
In that moment, Blaine starts to believe him.