RUNNING IN CIRCLES
Title: Running In Circles
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, romance
Warning/s: yaoi, implied smut
Verse: expanded
Type/Status: One-Shot; Complete, 1,878W
Summary: Sungmin wonders why he keeps on holding on.
A/N: Unbeta'd. Sorry for the grammar mistakes and whatnot. T^T
~
Sungmin squeezed his eyes shut as he heard the door to their shared bedroom open and close, announcing the arrival of his roommate-slash-love interest. Yes, love interest, since he can't really say if Kyuhyun loved him back. Sure, they fooled around on a regular basis, had their fair share of intimate moments, and had learned to care for one another genuinely. Then again, who wouldn't care for the person who has been your roommate for six long years? Sungmin had no doubts about Kyuhyun's care and concern for him, and he forces himself to believe that he is okay with just that. Yet deep inside, he knows he wants more - Kyuhyun's love, that is.
He admits, he may be such a girl when he says he wants Kyuhyun to profess his love for him - if there is actually love in the first place, that is. After all, who doesn't want to be reassured of their loved one's feelings, right? They say actions speak louder than words. Sungmin agrees. Yet actions could only do so much. Mere actions can mean an entirely different thing from what they seem to be implying. Actions may portray an entirely different emotion than what the doer wishes to convey. Actions are just that, actions. Without words, they are next to nothing.
Of course, to say that actions are empty without words would be quite an exaggeration, but Sungmin couldn't help but feel that way. He of all people would understand, as he had been at the receiving end of one too many empty words that made him aware that words without actions are just as bad. All Sungmin wants is balance. Then again, you don't always get what you want.
Sungmin feels like a fish inside an aquarium. He can see what the people outside are doing, and he knows that his owners care for him because they feed him. But whenever they say something through the glass, he couldn't hear for the water will always dull the sound. He will never know for sure what lies ahead. The same way he doesn't know whether he should have self-respect and move on from being Kyuhyun's doormat, or whether he should hold on and hope that one day, Kyuhyun would finally change his ways and love him the way he knows he deserves to be loved. Because Sungmin knew he's worth it. He'll make sure he's worth it. He only hopes that Kyuhyun would realize it too.
Sungmin was jolted out of his reveries as he felt the bed dip and a weight settled on the other side of the bed, said weight getting closer to him as Kyuhyun edged in closer and hugged him from behind, his warmth bringing Sungmin a painful yet comforting feeling. Bittersweet, indeed.
"I came from Victoria's. We fooled around and..."
Sungmin swallowed the lump in his throat and squeezed his eyes shut to keep his tears from falling. Why Kyuhyun tells him about his escapades was beyond him. Sure, they weren't in a relationship or anything. But Kyuhyun of all people should know that Sungmin wasn't the type of person who would go for casual sex. He felt so frustrated that Kyuhyun could talk about his feelings so freely. Didn't he notice how Sungmin's mood will drop whenever he mentioned his date's name after they've recovered from their orgasm and was sane enough to actually talk? Did he not see how Sungmin would just jump him whenever he shares his views on who's hot these days? Perhaps, he would just think that Sungmin was just horny even though it was just the elder's way of shutting him up so he wouldn't hurt anymore from hearing Kyuhyun's interest in other people. Sure, it always ended in sex so that would seem to be the case. It was a routine they had made - and Sungmin just realized that he was the one fueling it. He was the reason they were running in circles.
But seriously, didn't Kyuhyun realize the meaning behind his actions? He would know that Sungmin likes him at the least, wouldn't he? Then it him. He was so preoccupied with reading into Kyuhyun's actions that he failed to consider that he himself failed to show how much he loved the other as well.
While Kyuhyun had always told him he loved him, even jokingly, whenever he did the younger favors like cooking him his favorite food or ironing his clothes, Sungmin never once did tell the younger that he loved him. Whenever Kyuhyun would squeeze his hand as they bow after a show, Sungmin would see to it that his face remains passive - afraid that Kyuhyun would feel the somersaults in his stomach resulting from his mere touch. Whenever Kyuhyun leans his head on Sungmin's shoulders, the elder would just shrug him off - afraid that he wouldn't be able to help himself and lean onto Kyuhyun's head as well. Oh, how he wanted to. God knows how he wanted to. But the image portrays so much that of a couple in love - which of course, they aren't. So Sungmin just walks away and leaves a confused Kyuhyun behind. Sungmin wasn't one to risk believing in false hopes anyway. And everytime they had sex - yes, sex - you couldn't really call it making love if only one party is emotionally involved, can you? Sungmin would always leave the bed and head for the bathroom whenever Kyuhyun edged in closer to spoon him from behind. Cuddling is for lovers and they were... not exactly that.
Sungmin realized that he has been escaping a lot. Then again, he couldn't blame himself for doing that. He only wants to elude the cruel reality. He has been asking the same questions for the longest time, yet he is afraid of the answers because that would mean that his 'what-ifs' would turn into what is. Sungmin is afraid - too afraid to admit his feelings because he felt that once he lets it out, he would be vulnerable - heart out in the open for Kyuhyun to rip out as he pleased. Then again, isn't falling in love about being vulnerable? About baring your soul for your lover to see; about being there for each other in times of troubles; about giving the other person a part of your being as you receive a part of his so that you become one.
"... and I couldn't get it up."
Sungmin wasn't even aware that Kyuhyun was still talking but that sentence sure did catch his attention. He knew they could very well be best friends given the circumstances. Well, best friends don't fuck each other but that's beside the point. Sungmin felt angry, and perhaps, a little sad that Kyuhyun was telling him things that hurt him, yet he has to suck it up because he has no right to be hurt in the first place, as they're not in a relationship and all. Still, the anger in him didn't seem to subside even when he took deep breaths so he did what he does best. Sungmin escapes.
He pries Kyuhyun's hands off his waist and starts to move out of the bed, struggling to get up as Kyuhyun merely tightened his hug, clinging to Sungmin like a child would to his mother's leg.
"Your erectile dysfunction is none of my business, Kyuhyun. Now, if you just want sex, give me five minutes to freshen up. I'll get back to you," Sungmin muttered dangerously, mentally congratulating himself since his voice didn't quiver one bit.
"Hyung, weren't you listening? I... I couldn't get it up..."
Sungmin started to walk away, only to halt in his steps when Kyuhyun continued.
"I couldn't get it up with others. You know I've tried dating so many women, right? Didn't you wonder why I always come to you after every date? It's because of that. Apparently, that didn't work so I tried men, thinking I was just gay... which I am, knowing what we do together, but that's beside the point. And when that still didn't work out, I asked Hyukjae hyung for advice and he offered to let me join in his sexy time with Donghae hyung, and you should very well know how those two are sex gods in their own right. Still, nothing! And earlier tonight, Victoria offered to help even though she said that it would be awkward to make out with us being best friends and all, but I still can't seem to get aroused. And you know what she said?"
By this time, Sungmin had left all pretense of wanting to leave and was facing Kyuhyun completely, mouth hanging slightly at the revelation he was hearing. He didn't need to verbalize his question for his face said it all, the look of confusion signaling Kyuhyun to go on.
Kyuhyun stood up from the bed and stepped towards where Sungmin was frozen on the spot, taking a lock of Sungmin's blond hair away from his face and tucking it behind his ear before he whispered the words that made Sungmin's heart stop then restart at an alarmingly fast speed.
"She told me to find someone I love, and I think I've found the one."
Sungmin's cheeks were a deep scarlet in color, blood rushing to his ears as he realized what Kyuhyun's words meant. Sungmin may not be the brightest of people but it doesn't really take a genius to put one and one together. Besides, Kyuhyun never really had erectile problems whenever they... yeah.
Sungmin gasped when Kyuhyun hugged him all of a sudden and buried his nose into his hair, making Sungmin's heart flutter as he bared his feelings for Sungmin, since Sungmin wouldn't do it himself.
"You better tell me you love me too, or else..." Kyuhyun spluttered, eyes growing wide like they always did whenever he's anxious.
"Or else what?" Sungmin challenged as he looked up at Kyuhyun, not even pretending to hide the smile plastered on his face.
"Or else... Or else... Ah! You'd be responsible for rendering me impotent. Yes, that's it!" Kyuhyun smirked in vindication, as if he had just proved the Continental Drift Theory or something of the same significance.
Sungmin couldn't help but guffaw at Kyuhyun's childishness as he pecked the younger's nose as a way of saying that he agreed. He know it's foolish yet he couldn't help but feel blessed. After all, how many people in this world gets to be presented with a biological reason as a means of confession? Oh, the happyjoyday.
~END~
P.S. Belated Happy Joy Day! I felt so bad for not doing anything for our KyuMin's day. Well, I tried to make a cover for the song Payphone and when I was about to post it, I decided that it sucked. Thus, this. Sorry it's... BLAH.
P.S.S. And Happy Birthday Drew!;)
P.S.S.S. This was supposed to be angst. I was gonna make Kyuhyun "cheat" repeatedly, thus the title "Running in Circles," but my poor shipping heart cannot handle. ;AAA; *isasissy*
P.S.S.S.S. I wrote this based on a personal experience so it may be... weird. OTL
P.S.S.S.S.S. Comment if you think that KyuMin is REAL!<3
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, romance
Warning/s: yaoi, implied smut
Verse: expanded
Type/Status: One-Shot; Complete, 1,878W
Summary: Sungmin wonders why he keeps on holding on.
A/N: Unbeta'd. Sorry for the grammar mistakes and whatnot. T^T
~
Sungmin squeezed his eyes shut as he heard the door to their shared bedroom open and close, announcing the arrival of his roommate-slash-love interest. Yes, love interest, since he can't really say if Kyuhyun loved him back. Sure, they fooled around on a regular basis, had their fair share of intimate moments, and had learned to care for one another genuinely. Then again, who wouldn't care for the person who has been your roommate for six long years? Sungmin had no doubts about Kyuhyun's care and concern for him, and he forces himself to believe that he is okay with just that. Yet deep inside, he knows he wants more - Kyuhyun's love, that is.
He admits, he may be such a girl when he says he wants Kyuhyun to profess his love for him - if there is actually love in the first place, that is. After all, who doesn't want to be reassured of their loved one's feelings, right? They say actions speak louder than words. Sungmin agrees. Yet actions could only do so much. Mere actions can mean an entirely different thing from what they seem to be implying. Actions may portray an entirely different emotion than what the doer wishes to convey. Actions are just that, actions. Without words, they are next to nothing.
Of course, to say that actions are empty without words would be quite an exaggeration, but Sungmin couldn't help but feel that way. He of all people would understand, as he had been at the receiving end of one too many empty words that made him aware that words without actions are just as bad. All Sungmin wants is balance. Then again, you don't always get what you want.
Sungmin feels like a fish inside an aquarium. He can see what the people outside are doing, and he knows that his owners care for him because they feed him. But whenever they say something through the glass, he couldn't hear for the water will always dull the sound. He will never know for sure what lies ahead. The same way he doesn't know whether he should have self-respect and move on from being Kyuhyun's doormat, or whether he should hold on and hope that one day, Kyuhyun would finally change his ways and love him the way he knows he deserves to be loved. Because Sungmin knew he's worth it. He'll make sure he's worth it. He only hopes that Kyuhyun would realize it too.
Sungmin was jolted out of his reveries as he felt the bed dip and a weight settled on the other side of the bed, said weight getting closer to him as Kyuhyun edged in closer and hugged him from behind, his warmth bringing Sungmin a painful yet comforting feeling. Bittersweet, indeed.
"I came from Victoria's. We fooled around and..."
Sungmin swallowed the lump in his throat and squeezed his eyes shut to keep his tears from falling. Why Kyuhyun tells him about his escapades was beyond him. Sure, they weren't in a relationship or anything. But Kyuhyun of all people should know that Sungmin wasn't the type of person who would go for casual sex. He felt so frustrated that Kyuhyun could talk about his feelings so freely. Didn't he notice how Sungmin's mood will drop whenever he mentioned his date's name after they've recovered from their orgasm and was sane enough to actually talk? Did he not see how Sungmin would just jump him whenever he shares his views on who's hot these days? Perhaps, he would just think that Sungmin was just horny even though it was just the elder's way of shutting him up so he wouldn't hurt anymore from hearing Kyuhyun's interest in other people. Sure, it always ended in sex so that would seem to be the case. It was a routine they had made - and Sungmin just realized that he was the one fueling it. He was the reason they were running in circles.
But seriously, didn't Kyuhyun realize the meaning behind his actions? He would know that Sungmin likes him at the least, wouldn't he? Then it him. He was so preoccupied with reading into Kyuhyun's actions that he failed to consider that he himself failed to show how much he loved the other as well.
While Kyuhyun had always told him he loved him, even jokingly, whenever he did the younger favors like cooking him his favorite food or ironing his clothes, Sungmin never once did tell the younger that he loved him. Whenever Kyuhyun would squeeze his hand as they bow after a show, Sungmin would see to it that his face remains passive - afraid that Kyuhyun would feel the somersaults in his stomach resulting from his mere touch. Whenever Kyuhyun leans his head on Sungmin's shoulders, the elder would just shrug him off - afraid that he wouldn't be able to help himself and lean onto Kyuhyun's head as well. Oh, how he wanted to. God knows how he wanted to. But the image portrays so much that of a couple in love - which of course, they aren't. So Sungmin just walks away and leaves a confused Kyuhyun behind. Sungmin wasn't one to risk believing in false hopes anyway. And everytime they had sex - yes, sex - you couldn't really call it making love if only one party is emotionally involved, can you? Sungmin would always leave the bed and head for the bathroom whenever Kyuhyun edged in closer to spoon him from behind. Cuddling is for lovers and they were... not exactly that.
Sungmin realized that he has been escaping a lot. Then again, he couldn't blame himself for doing that. He only wants to elude the cruel reality. He has been asking the same questions for the longest time, yet he is afraid of the answers because that would mean that his 'what-ifs' would turn into what is. Sungmin is afraid - too afraid to admit his feelings because he felt that once he lets it out, he would be vulnerable - heart out in the open for Kyuhyun to rip out as he pleased. Then again, isn't falling in love about being vulnerable? About baring your soul for your lover to see; about being there for each other in times of troubles; about giving the other person a part of your being as you receive a part of his so that you become one.
"... and I couldn't get it up."
Sungmin wasn't even aware that Kyuhyun was still talking but that sentence sure did catch his attention. He knew they could very well be best friends given the circumstances. Well, best friends don't fuck each other but that's beside the point. Sungmin felt angry, and perhaps, a little sad that Kyuhyun was telling him things that hurt him, yet he has to suck it up because he has no right to be hurt in the first place, as they're not in a relationship and all. Still, the anger in him didn't seem to subside even when he took deep breaths so he did what he does best. Sungmin escapes.
He pries Kyuhyun's hands off his waist and starts to move out of the bed, struggling to get up as Kyuhyun merely tightened his hug, clinging to Sungmin like a child would to his mother's leg.
"Your erectile dysfunction is none of my business, Kyuhyun. Now, if you just want sex, give me five minutes to freshen up. I'll get back to you," Sungmin muttered dangerously, mentally congratulating himself since his voice didn't quiver one bit.
"Hyung, weren't you listening? I... I couldn't get it up..."
Sungmin started to walk away, only to halt in his steps when Kyuhyun continued.
"I couldn't get it up with others. You know I've tried dating so many women, right? Didn't you wonder why I always come to you after every date? It's because of that. Apparently, that didn't work so I tried men, thinking I was just gay... which I am, knowing what we do together, but that's beside the point. And when that still didn't work out, I asked Hyukjae hyung for advice and he offered to let me join in his sexy time with Donghae hyung, and you should very well know how those two are sex gods in their own right. Still, nothing! And earlier tonight, Victoria offered to help even though she said that it would be awkward to make out with us being best friends and all, but I still can't seem to get aroused. And you know what she said?"
By this time, Sungmin had left all pretense of wanting to leave and was facing Kyuhyun completely, mouth hanging slightly at the revelation he was hearing. He didn't need to verbalize his question for his face said it all, the look of confusion signaling Kyuhyun to go on.
Kyuhyun stood up from the bed and stepped towards where Sungmin was frozen on the spot, taking a lock of Sungmin's blond hair away from his face and tucking it behind his ear before he whispered the words that made Sungmin's heart stop then restart at an alarmingly fast speed.
"She told me to find someone I love, and I think I've found the one."
Sungmin's cheeks were a deep scarlet in color, blood rushing to his ears as he realized what Kyuhyun's words meant. Sungmin may not be the brightest of people but it doesn't really take a genius to put one and one together. Besides, Kyuhyun never really had erectile problems whenever they... yeah.
Sungmin gasped when Kyuhyun hugged him all of a sudden and buried his nose into his hair, making Sungmin's heart flutter as he bared his feelings for Sungmin, since Sungmin wouldn't do it himself.
"You better tell me you love me too, or else..." Kyuhyun spluttered, eyes growing wide like they always did whenever he's anxious.
"Or else what?" Sungmin challenged as he looked up at Kyuhyun, not even pretending to hide the smile plastered on his face.
"Or else... Or else... Ah! You'd be responsible for rendering me impotent. Yes, that's it!" Kyuhyun smirked in vindication, as if he had just proved the Continental Drift Theory or something of the same significance.
Sungmin couldn't help but guffaw at Kyuhyun's childishness as he pecked the younger's nose as a way of saying that he agreed. He know it's foolish yet he couldn't help but feel blessed. After all, how many people in this world gets to be presented with a biological reason as a means of confession? Oh, the happyjoyday.
~END~
P.S. Belated Happy Joy Day! I felt so bad for not doing anything for our KyuMin's day. Well, I tried to make a cover for the song Payphone and when I was about to post it, I decided that it sucked. Thus, this. Sorry it's... BLAH.
P.S.S. And Happy Birthday Drew!;)
P.S.S.S. This was supposed to be angst. I was gonna make Kyuhyun "cheat" repeatedly, thus the title "Running in Circles," but my poor shipping heart cannot handle. ;AAA; *isasissy*
P.S.S.S.S. I wrote this based on a personal experience so it may be... weird. OTL
P.S.S.S.S.S. Comment if you think that KyuMin is REAL!<3