Uncomfortable
Timothy McGee was near tears sitting in the exam room. He was sitting on the table shirtless with heart monitors connected to him and other EEG machines. He was desperately trying to cover his stomach up but failing miserably. He felt so exposed and he hated being shirtless. Even around his boyfriend it was like pulling teeth to get the young man to be shirtless during intimate times. Now it was just torture.
He jumped when Anthony DiNozzo walked back into the room. Tim scooted away like Tony was going to do something to him and tried even harder to cover himself up. The lump in his throat was growing and the hot tears were stinging his eyes.
Tony, however wasn’t an idiot and saw his lover’s emotions like they were tangible and physically there to see. Shutting the door behind him, Tony walked over to the exam table and spoke softly. “Hey. Tim. What’s the matter, babe?”
Tim shook his head, hot tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. He tightly bound his arms around his stomach and looked down. “I don’t want to be here.”
“Sweetie, it’s just for precautions. You’ll be out of here in no time,” Tony reached over for Tim’s hand, but the younger man flinched away, keeping his arms tight around himself. “Tim. What’s wrong with you?”
“You know what’s wrong,” Tim retorted tearfully.
Tony looked at his boyfriend and wiped away a tear. He did know what was wrong. Even before they ever started dating, he knew how Tim was about his self image. And it was all his fault. Even though now he told Tim countless times how beautiful and sexy he looked, the younger agent didn’t adhere to it. He genuinely believed himself to be less than he was in looks. Tony hadn’t been able to prove it to Tim otherwise. But he kept trying.
“Hey come on,” Tony reached over and gently (but with force) pried Tim’s arms away from his middle and held his hands. “It’s just a test. Nobody is going to look at you.”
“You are,” Tim kept his head down, tears streaming.
“Because you’re my boyfriend and I love you,” Tony rubbed Tim’s arm soothingly. “I know this is uncomfortable for you but you-“
“‘Look great’ I know. That’s what you always say,” Tim tried pulling his arms back.
“That’s because it’s true, Timothy,” Tony sternly, but gently told his boyfriend. “You look amazing. I love you and I think you’re the most beautiful and sexiest man on the planet. I know this makes you uncomfortable and it’s pulling teeth to see your amazing body, but when I can I love it.” He softly ran a hand over Tim’s soft and smooth chest. “You look gorgeous. And I’m going to keep telling you that everyday for the rest of your life until you agree with me.” Tony pulled his hand back and lifted Tim’s chin looking at his pained lover’s tearful eyes. “I love you so much and it hurts me that I hurt you. But that’s past now. I’m never going to be that man again. I never meant those hurtful things I said to you. I always thought you were gorgeous and beautiful. I was just insecure with myself, my body, and my own sexuality that I had to pick at the one thing I knew that I loved and that was you. I regret it. All of it. But I need you to know and see one day how gorgeous of a man you are. And not JUST your body. Your wonderful eyes, your contagious smile…you’re adorable, hot, and sexy all in one.” He smiled and kissed Tim’s forehead. “Everything I’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend, you’ve got.”
Tim sat in silence for a moment looking at Tony, wiping his cheeks free of tears. He sniffed softly and hugged his boyfriend’s arm. “I’m trying, Tony. I’m just so uncomfortable with myself. All I see if just…nothing. Nothing but being ugly and fat.”
“You’re not, Tim,” Tony softly kissed the top of his head. “You’re so not. You’re everything I just told you and a whole hell of a lot more. I understand you’ve been hurt and you have a hard time believing me, but one day you will. And even when you do believe me, I’ll never ever stop telling you how gorgeous you are and how much you mean to me.”
Tim nodded, knowing that he was damn lucky to have a loving and understanding boyfriend like Tony. He had forgave the older man for everything he had said and done to him in the past, but it still crept up on him and hurt. Even before Tony throughout his childhood and teen years he had been picked on and demeaned for his weight. It was just sunk into his mind and concreted into his heart that he was anything but appealing. Somehow, though, the encouragement and love from Tony was making it better one day at a time. And that’s all Tim could have ever asked for.