The Way To Each Other - Chapter Twelve
Title: The Way To Each Other
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: Epic (230,271)
Spoilers: This is AU. Some mentions of Seasons 1 & 2 events though handled differently than in canon.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn
Summary: Santana's life is far harder than it appears to the average viewer. Her dad's in jail and her mom turns tricks in their old family home. Worst yet, Santana herself has to do the same to keep her mom alive and food in her belly. Can Quinn save her? Or will Quinn's domineering father ruin everything? For the Glee Bang
Warnings (highlight to read): talks of suicide, angst, language, graphic het and femslash sex, non-con, dub-con, oral, vaginal, anal, pedophilia, sex work, underage prostitution, abuse, violence sexual and non, minor character death, self-harm, drug use, disease - HIV
Chapter 12
Christmas morning dawned bright and cold over a landscape of fresh fallen snow.
Quinn’s alarm on her phone went off where she’d tucked it under her pillow. She dragged it out from under her pillow and peered at it blearily in the pale glimmer of light sliding in through her shades before the reason she’d set the alarm dawned on her. Smiling brightly, she tossed the covers aside and swung her legs out of bed, shivering as her feet hit the cold wood of the floor. Reaching to her chair, she grabbed her robe, standing and pulling it on over her flannel pajamas.
Giving a final check that the small wrapped box was still safely tucked into the pocket of her robe, she eased open the door of her room, lifting it slightly to keep it from squeaking against the frame. Peeking out into the hall, she looked carefully up and down, listening for any signs of anyone else being up yet. Satisfied, she slipped out of her room, avoiding the board in the middle of the hall that squeaked whenever weight was put on it on her way down the hall to Santana’s room.
Once she reached there, she carefully turned the knob, easing the door open with a wince at the soft groan that emitted from the hinges. Scurrying across the cold floor with its large rag rug, she slipped into the warm bed behind her best friend, wrapping her cold body around her with a mischievous grin. “Merry Christmas, San,” she whispered into her ear, snuggling close so she couldn’t get away from her cold feet.
Santana squeaked as she felt cold feet touch her calves. "Fucking ice cube!" She tried to roll away only to realize that she would almost fall off the bed. So she groaned and cuddled closer and tried to get over the feeling that she'd never be warm again. "Santa better have brought you socks." She grumbled and moved so her head was resting on Quinn's neck. "Merry Christmas, Q." She whispered a few minutes later.
Quinn giggled. “I don’t know what Santa might have brought me, but I brought you something and I wanted to give it to you before everyone else was involved.” She dug the box out of her pocket and held it out to Santana with a shy smile, “ It’s just... I saw it and I thought of you. Go on, open it.”
"You didn't need to get me anything." She whispered as she opened her hand and looked at the box. She unwrapped it slowly and unsure about her movements before she moved to lift the lid. She gasped when she saw what was inside. "Oh... Quinn." She whispered, her hand coming to run against the silver locket.
“I know I didn’t,” Quinn blushed slightly at how Santana was reacting, “I just... you lost all your pretty things and I wanted you to have something special. I knew Cindy and Aunt Becca would never think to get you something like this since they don’t ever really wear jewelry beside their rings, but,” she bit her lip, shrugging, “I remembered you liked being pretty and I thought maybe this could help you feel pretty. It’s a locket and there’s an inscription,” She nodded at Santana to turn it over.
She flipped it over and looked at the inscription always with you she read then ran her fingers over the text. "Quinn," she whispered, looking up and smiling broadly, "Can you... put it on me?" She handed the necklace to her and pulled up her hair. "Please?"
“Sure,” Quinn nodded with a tiny smile as she wiggled around to crouch over Santana in the tiny bed so her arms would be free to hook it around her neck. She carefully clasped the silver chain and pulled back, her fingers trailing lightly over Santana’s skin. “I knew it would look good on you.” She lightly touched it, her first two fingers brushing over the gold cross on the front of the heart shaped locket, the others gently brushing Santana’s skin beside the locket. “The inscription’s true,” she murmured quietly, glancing up at Santana through her eyelashes with a shy smile, “I’m always with you. But especially when you wear this,” she flicked the locket open, showing the tiny picture of herself inside to Santana with a teasing grin, “see?”
"Narcissist," she smirked and leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss onto Quinn's lips. "I love it, thank you." She whispered as she closed it held it between her fingers. "I have something for you, too." She said softly, she leaned off the bed and pulled out book sized box and placed it on Quinn's lap. "I found this at that flea market we went to a few weeks back.. but inside... what's inside I've had forever."
Quinn opened the box carefully, partially afraid of damaging whatever might be in it but mostly just trying to control the thrill that ran through her realizing that someone actually gave her something without either asking what she wanted or just handing her a gift card. Setting the lid to the side, she smiled slowly at the tooled leather bound photo album inside. “Oh wow, San. This is beautiful.”
She pulled it out, setting the box with the lid and settling the album on her lap. The pages crackled softly as she opened it and turned them slowly. Her eyes slowly widened as she realized what she was looking at, her fingers pausing on a picture of her, Brittany and Santana posing together at the first day of cheerleading camp freshman year. She turned the page and gasped.
It was a picture of her and Santana, maybe three years old, sitting on a statue of a water buffalo at the zoo. Santana’s dad had a hand nearby just in case, but neither girl looked like they cared as they waved at the camera and just enjoyed being together. Quinn brushed at her eyes.
“San, I … I can’t take these from you,” she whispered, smiling longingly at the photos as she closed the book. “These are your photos. I can’t take them...”
"Yes you can." Santana said seriously, "Neither of us have anything and I wanted to share the one thing I was able to take from my house. I kept them all in an envelope in my bag for years and I wanted you to have them so we could maybe expand the album with new pictures?" She asked softly, "I want you to have them, Quinn, we might not have anything else but each other... so we can have these too."
"Are you sure?" Quinn sniffled, wiping at her cheeks. "I don't have any photos to add. My dad - Russell... He took them all. He even tore out the pages with you in them in my yearbooks." She splayed her hand over the cover of the album, "I never wanted to give them up, but he made me. I don't know what to say..."
"Um. I was thinking that we could put new pictures in it." She looked down nervously. "Together." She bit her lip and waited to see if Quinn would understand what she wanted to do.
"Well," Quinn smiled lopsidedly, "I do have one photo to add." She nodded back at her room, "It's in my room. I'll have to get it printed, but I think it's perfect." She teased, thinking of the picture on her phone of Santana asleep in the hey covered in kittens from her second day on the ranch as she quickly ran across the hall to get her phone and show it to Santana with a warm smile.
Santana looked at it, all see could see where the dark purple bruises. "Cool." She whispered, not wanting to insult Quinn on her addition. "We can put it in once we print it if you want." she swallowed and flipped the pages to close the book.
Quinn chewed on her lip, putting the phone away with a little sigh. "We don't have to. You, um... probably don't want to remember those days." She smiled lopsidedly, "Maybe we can take some pictures today for the book instead? It is our first Christmas together after all."
"No. I can't forget the bad things that happen to me," she said softly. She had been talking to Rebecca lately about her past. She wanted to ignore it and pretend it never happened, but Rebecca said that it wasn't healthy for her. "We should put it in. It's our new life, okay?" She asked as she leaned over and kissed Quinn's palm. "Wanna tell me a story for a bit before everyone else wakes up?" Santana asked innocently as she pulled Quinn down to lay with her. "I've never had a real Christmas morning before that I can remember."
"I'd love to," Quinn remarked, snuggling close to Santana to fit into the bed with her, "if I actually knew any. Christmas mornings at the Fabray Residence didn't involve stories and hugs so much as cameras and frilly dresses. It was just another photo op of the happy family who wasn't really a family at all." She shrugged with a rueful chuckle.
"But I have you now, right? And Aunt Becca and Cindy too. I don't need my parents or my sister, right?" She looked at Santana hopefully, wanting her to tell her that it would all be okay, that she shouldn't miss her family as much as she did.
"Damn," the smaller girl whispered as she cuddled into Quinn. "Maybe just tell me how we met? I like that story." She yawned and rested her head over Quinn's heart.
"San, we were three!" Quinn laughed, "I barely remember!" At Santana's sleepy mewl of protest she shrugged and gave in, her arms wrapping around her friend's shoulders and holding her.
"Oh, all right." She kissed the top of Santana's head, "As I remember it, I was playing in the sandbox at pre-school when one of the older kids - a big bully - came over and stole my favorite doll. I wanted him to give it back but he wouldn't. He just kept holding it up where I couldn't reach and laughing. I was so mad, I started crying, which just made him laugh even more."
"And then - out of nowhere! - came another little girl, even smaller than me and she started yelling at him and pounding on him with these tiny fists. I don't know if he got confused or if she actually hurt him, because I don't think either of us knew even half of what she was saying," Quinn teased, poking gentle fun at her best friend's childish Spanglish. "At any rate, he gave her my doll and when she turned to give it back to me I realized that she was the prettiest," she realized Santana was falling asleep and let her voice slowly trail off, "most amazing and awesome little girl I'd ever meet and we'd be best friends forever and two weeks, because forever isn't enough."
Cindy woke up early and went to do her chores of tending to the animals. She checked on the teenagers before she headed downstairs. Quinn's door was wide open and her bed empty so the dark haired woman peeked into Santana's room and smiled when she saw the girls wrapped up in each other. She chucked softly before going down to the living room and turning on the Christmas tree and the coffee. Rebecca would come down soon to put out the presents and make breakfast while Cindy tended to her clients and children in the barn.
She was just coming back in, trying to knock the snow and mud off her boots as quietly as she could when she heard the familiar sounds of her wife moving about in the kitchen. Smiling, she hooked her boots off with the boot jack and padded in to wrap her arms around the woman, kissing her cheek. "Our girls are sleeping together again. I like having kids here for the holidays. Remind me again why we don't have any of our own? You'd be hot all pregnant and stuff," she teased, hugging her.
Rebecca rolled her eyes with a fond smirk as she finished preparing their coffee, "Because if you recall my asshole brother would figure out and then we'd never get to see Quinn again."
"Oh, right. Remind me again why I can't just kill him so we can get our baby making on?" She laughed at the dirty look her wife shot her, kissing her neck, "Besides, he signed over custody of her to us so what's stopping us now?"
Rebecca stopped slightly and looked at her lover. "Are you actually talking about this or are you just being a pain in the ass?" she raised her eyebrow and put down her whisk. "Babe? Are you really wanting to have a baby?
Cindy shrugged. "I don't know. I really like having Santana and Quinn around though. I wish they were ours. We've been together long enough. If it wasn't for that ass of a brother, we could have had kids their age by now."
Rebecca turned around and wrapped her arms around the taller woman's neck. "Woman you drive me crazy." She whispered as she kissed her softly, "We have two teenagers now, and like 15 animals plus the practices... we are too busy for babies... but we can always practice the art of baby making." She smirked and nipped Cindy's lip.
Cindy laughed, growing slightly as she picked Rebecca up and spun her around. "I don't really need or want a baby but," she stopped, holding Rebecca close, "what would you say about adopting our girls?"
Rebecca wrapped her legs around the other woman and smiled, "Yeah. I'd like that." She smiled and ran her fingers through thick black hair before pulling it into a ponytail. "But I'm still wanting baby making practice." She smirked, "Can't let the girls get more action than the married people."
Cindy's hands squeezed Rebecca's ass as she moved her over against the counter. "Oh, you think I'm not to the task?" She kissed her hard, letting her hands run over her wife's thighs as she caught a full lower lip between her teeth and tugged with a low growl. "Think I won't take you right here on the counter?" she whispered into her ear, fingers creeping under the hem of her nightgown.
Rebecca squeaked as she let out a low moan her hips arching into the other woman's hands. "B-Babe." She groaned as she was near ready to give into her wife when she heard the shower running. "Th-the kids are up." She whispered kissing her one more time before pulling away from Cindy. "You're an evil woman."
"Hey," Cindy laughed, pulling her back to kiss her again, "you started it and maybe I want my Christmas present early?" She teased, slipping a hand beneath her wife's nightgown to cup her core through her panties. "I can be quick now and take my time later?" she suggested, stroking over the dampening fabric with her thumb, a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"Fuck." Rebecca gasped and let her head fall back against the door behind her head. "Fast, baby. Be fast." She whispered and spread her legs further as she could give her lover room. "God, I miss you. It's been too long." She moaned as she felt Cindy stroking her more quickly.
Cindy reached down to slide the cloth aside with one hand while she slid two fingers into her lover with the other. "Fuck," she whispered as the familiar warmth gripped her fingers, "I've been thinking about this for weeks." Her wrist twisted, thumb stroking the hard bud as she pumped in and out with a slick sound. "I love you so much," she whispered before she bit down on the pulse jumping under the pale, freckled skin of her lover's neck, dragging her fingers quickly back and forth over her g-spot as her thumb ground into her clit faster and faster.
"B-baby." Rebecca gasped as her nails gripped Cindy's shoulders. She rocked her hips frantically, her hips nearly pushing off the counter as she wantonly sought out her wife's fingers. "Harder, fuck... God, harder." She groaned as she tried to pull the other woman deeper inside.
It had been a while since they'd been intimate. Between work, the teenagers moving in and the stress of trying to settle everyone on they had lost themselves in being parents and not lovers.
Cindy nodded, her mouth too busy working the pale column of her lover's neck to answer verbally. She pulled nearly all of the way out of her, only to push back in with three fingers. She'd missed this, missed making love to her wife.
After a moment of stretching her with three, she managed to slide her pinkie in as well, almost her entire hand pounding wetly in and out of her wife as she pushed herself to move faster. Finally, vaguely hearing the sounds of water shutting off upstairs, she pulled her lips from the dark bruise forming on Rebecca's neck. "Come for me," she whispered, panting into her ear as her free hand released her panties to find and pinch a nipple almost painfully hard, rolling it between her fingers. "Come for me, love."
Rebecca's head fell back as she gasped and clamped down around Cindy's fingers. She bit her hip to calm her cry into the quiet kitchen. She panted as she shook under her wife's ministrations. After a few moments she slackened and whimpered at the loss of Cindy's fingers when she pulled out and re-adjusted her nightgown. "I love you, Cindy."
Cindy kissed her softly before moving to wash her hands at the sink. "I love you too." She smiled at the woman who stole her heart all of those years ago, "Want to go shower and clean up while I finish making breakfast?"
"Yes, ma'am. Don't wanna scar the baby-gays do we?" She smirked and slapped her wife's ass before quickly going up stairs.
A little while later Santana came down wearing baggy flannel pants and a long sleeved black thermal. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Hola," she whispered softly as she moved to the other counter to get two mugs out for her and Quinn's coffee.
"Good morning, sleepy," Cindy teased as she stirred the scrambled eggs. "How did you sleep? Nice and warm?"
"Uh-huh." Santana grumbled as she fixed the mugs. She took hers and moved to curl up in the stool at the island. "Despite the fact there is like five feet of snow outside." Santana grumbled as she looked out the snowy window, "I wanted to bring Beauty Christmas presents." She pouted as she looked out knowing that she shouldn't walk through that thick of snow with her hips until it got plowed.
Cindy laughed. "Santana, we live up here. If you want to see your favorite girl, if she really is your favorite, we can get you out to see her today, no worries. But why so grumpy?" she asked, dishing up a plate of bacon and eggs for the girl and setting it before her before fixing one for herself. "Did you and your bed have a falling out?"
"Not grumpy." She said softly as she played with her food. "I just... I just miss my parents today." She admitted honestly, "I never really did anything with them on Christmas but my dad used to have the day off and he's spend it watching movies and cuddling with me... I just kinda miss my mom and dad on days like this." She took a small bite, "Quinn misses her parents too, even though they suck."
Cindy brought her own plate over to the island, setting it down before giving Santana a hug. "I know Becca and I can't ever be your mom and dad, or Quinn's either, but we consider you part of our family, Santana. And," she bent over to meet Santana's eyes with a little smile, "we hope you'd like to be part of ours too."
Santana smiled softly, "I'd like that." she whispered softly, "I don't really belong to anyone... I wanna belong somewhere..." She looked up and met the older woman's eyes. "If... if i stay with you. My dad can't take my back right? If he gets out and finds me he can't take me back..." she looked worried for a moment thinking that she was gonna loose the family that had opened her arms and loved her. "I don't wanna lose you guys and Quinn."
"No way that could happen, pretty girl," Cindy scoffed, scooping her up in her arms and squeezing her tight. "You decide you want to be part of this family, you're in for life, got it? No getting out just because someone from your past shows up and says they got a former claim. You're ours and I'll protect you myself, alright?"
"Okay." She smiled as she heard Quinn come into the room and raise her eyebrow. "Coffee's on the counter, Q," Santana exclaimed as Quinn roamed to the counter to find caffeine.
"Why is San getting hugs?" Quinn asked as she grabbed her cup and moved to sleepily slump into the chair next to the girl.
"Because Santana's not lazy and gets up before noon." Cindy teased as she pressed a kiss to her niece’s head and headed over to the counter and fixed her a plate with extra bacon before sliding it onto the table in front of her. "Eat, sleepy girls, and we can open presents."
"Hey," Quinn yawned, picking up a piece of bacon and crunching it, "I was up way before noon. It's not my fault San's warm and put me back to sleep." She yawned again, "Anyway, it's Christmas, I should get hugs too."
Cindy laughed, "Well, I suppose. Since it's Christmas and all." She gave Quinn a hug, "Now dig in so we can get to those presents!"
Santana ate silently as she snuck glances over to Quinn and winked. She ate one piece of bacon before moving the other two of hers over to Quinn's plate. "I don't want bacon." She said, with a shrug as she drank some of her coffee and ate her eggs. "Thank you, Cindy. This is tasty." She finished eating and leaned back and rubbed her stomach.
Rebecca came in showered and dressed, her hair pulled back into a ponytail unknowingly showing off the hickey her wife had given her not long before. "How are my girls this Christmas day?" She asked with a bright smile, kissing both on the cheek as she came in, getting her own plate and eating, "Ready for presents and playing in the snow?"
Cindy took one look at the hickey and smirked proudly. Quinn's response was to muffle a laugh with a piece of bacon. Rebecca just smiled at the both of them, completely unaware.
"Wankey," Santana giggled as she got up and reached for Quinn's hand. When Quinn finished eating, she took the girl's hand and wrapped her arms around the blonde. "I know what you got for Christmas." She said knowingly as she hid behind Quinn's shoulder.
Rebecca looked between the three looking so confused that Quinn couldn't help but giggle, blushing as she did. "What? My clothes? No, these are old, Santana, I assure you."
Cindy just grinned, pleased as punch that her wife hadn't yet clued in. "Clothes are definitely not what she's referring to, love, but I am not in the slightest ashamed." She smiled, pulling Rebecca's plate out of her hands and setting it on the counter before pulling her into a kiss, ignoring the catcalls from the girls. "Because you’re the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on and I will never be ashamed of loving you as deeply and completely as I possibly can."
Santana blushed and she cuddled into Quinn. "Wankey, just wankey," she said out loud before she pressed a secret kiss to the side of the blonde’s neck. They watched the other women for a moment before Santana pulled Quinn into the other room. She turned the other girl around and looked her in the eyes before pressing her against the wall gently and kissing her pale lips teasingly as she let her fingers tangle with Quinn's.
Quinn didn't resist, and though her movements were tentative and shy when she began kissing back, she did respond to the kiss. It was still strange. The way Santana could make her smile just by walking in the room or sitting by her. The warm feeling she got when she saw her smiling or heard her laugh. The almost electric tingle that shot through her body when they kissed.
It was strange, but she tightened her fingers slightly to remind Santana that she was still with her, still following their slow and hesitant dance.
It was tentative - it always was - but Santana pressed soft closed mouth kisses to Quinn's lips. She was overwhelmed by her feelings for the other girl. She wanted her and felt that everything was okay when she was holding her or kissing her. Santana pulled away after about half a dozen kisses and smiled at the blonde. "I like Christmas."
Quinn opened her eyes slowly - she always closed them when Santana kissed her because looking at her was just too overwhelming - and smiled softly. "I thought you might. Come on, we still have family presents to open." She chuckled, straightening from the wall and tugging Santana towards the living room.
Santana followed along bashfully and plopped down onto the couch. She rested her legs up to not put much pressure on her hips as she watched everyone examine the tree. Santana was more than happy just to be warm and happy somewhere other than how she spent the last few Christmas. Holidays were always even busier for her when she would work, everyone was rougher and meaner to her during holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.
She sipped her coffee and tried to not think about her Christmas last year when Will Schuester came to see her with a few of his friends. She just looked down and tried to push it away.
"Hey, quit hogging the whole couch," Quinn pouted dragging over a couple of boxes labeled for San and her, "Head in my lap or feet but I want to sit here too!"
The injured girl rolled her eyes and moved so she could put her head in Quinn's lap not expecting to have anything under the tree with her name on it. She closed her eyes slightly at the comfort in her friend’s lap.
"Hey," Quinn whispered, shaking her gently, "don't go to sleep. These are for you," she added pointing at the biggest three boxes she'd dragged over. "Everyone gets presents under the tree on Christmas, San."
"Um. What?" She whispered, "I didn't... I don't have anything..." She was mildly panicking that she didn't have anything to give to the women who were letting her live with them. "I didn't know. I'm sorry!" Santana exclaimed as she looked between the boxes and everyone else. "I didn't have any money... and I couldn't get any and I didn't get you guys anything."
Cindy looked at Santana with disbelief, "Santana, honestly? Do little kids have to give stuff to their parents to get gifts? You're the youngest and you've lost the most. The fact that you're here with us doing as much better as you are is present enough for me, kiddo."
"My wife's right, Santana," Rebecca added from her seat in one of the armchairs, "Consider this your welcome into this unusual little family. You are a welcome addition. You make our Quinnie smile," Quinn blushed, ducking her head, "are invaluable to Cindy in helping with Beauty and those dastardly little kittens, and the only one out of the three of you willing to actually talk to me when you're troubled! I already love you. I don't need a present from you to know that."
Quinn just shrugged sheepishly when Santana looked at her. "I just wanted to blow the last of the money Daddy left me on the person I knew I could make happiest while pissing him off the most."
"Why do I feel like I'm gonna get ganged up on a lot?" she asked as she sat up and pouted slightly, "But, thank you. I don't think.. I’ve ever really gotten a present before so this is kinda amazing." She smiled as her hand moved to stroke her new necklace around her neck.
"You deserve it after all you've been through," Quinn whispered softly leaning over and kissing the corner of her lips with a shy blush. "You deserve a real family now. Life owes you at least that much."
"Maybe," she replied and silently watched as Cindy and Rebecca exchanged presents to each other with teasing kisses. Santana opened a box full of clothing, including winter stuff since she was still borrowing Quinn's jacket.
"Now you can come out in the snow with us." Cindy called over to the little brunette.
"Definitely," Quinn insisted. She nudged the bulky package from her towards Santana, encouraging her to open it. Inside was a heavy, red, down-filled parka that would reach to Santana's knees when she put it on and a set of gloves, hat and scarf all in black. "I hate it when you're cold," she admitted with a shy smile. "You always seemed cold in Lima and I couldn't do anything. But I don't ever want you to be cold here with us."
"Thank you." She whispered before leaning over and kissing her cheek. "I love it. Thank you so much." She said as she pulled away and ran her fingers over the item.
"Quinnie’s turn!" Rebecca smiled as she pulled out a large rectangle box from next to her. "This is both practical and fun." She smiled and pushed it towards her. Cindy watched with a smile, snapping pictures with her camera as the girls opened presents. Inside Quinn's gift was a new MacBook pro laptop so she could continue school and have a laptop since her dad took hers.
Quinn stared at it in shock. "I... I," she looked up at Rebecca and Cindy's smiling faces, "oh my gosh, Aunt Becca... This..."
"Don't you dare say it's too much," Cindy scolded, "We can afford it and you don't get to say boo after giving Santana a hard time about not complaining about accepting gifts."
Rebecca smiled and looked at her niece. "This way you can teach your aunt how to create a webpage, since you're so very good at that kinda stuff," she joked as she ribbed on her wife, "and you can get your school work done." She leaned back and wrapped her arms around the darker women's waist.
"Hey!" Cindy protested and begrudgingly leaned back into the woman's embrace. "I'm not that bad... okay yeah I am, but a think a website could be cool... and maybe Santana can have a baby animal page once the kid and foal are born."
"That's awesome, Q." Santana smiled and looked over the contents with her friend, when she heard talk of the foal she looked up, "Pony?"
Cindy laughed, "Yes, Pony. And you ought to be thinking of names since that little foal is going to be born soon. If you want, you can take photos of it and keep an online page updated as it grows."
Santana looked perplexed for a moment as she looked at Cindy. "I can't call it Pony?" She asked with a slight pout, "Caballito?" she smirked and looked at Quinn with a sly wink. She knew she had to give the foal a proper name, but she liked calling the baby Pony.
"Well," Cindy raised a brow, "I suppose you can call it Pony if you want, though it may get confusing if we ever get an actual pony in the barns. Now, if the children are all done with their gifts... Who's up for snowy recreation? I've got a sled in the barn that I've been dying to break in."
Santana laughed, "I know I need to name it... I'll figure out a good one." She said as she stood up and offered her hand to Quinn. "Let's go get changed to go outside." She smiled and picked up her new snow clothing. She limped up the stairs and got into the bedroom and looked around for suitable clothing for the outdoors.
Quinn laughed, coming in behind the excited Santana after a stop in her own room. "Try jeans, a sweater and that long underwear you got when it first started snowing," she suggested, dropping her own clothes on the bed and starting to change. "I'll help if you need me to, okay?"
Santana watched Quinn for a moment before starting to change herself. She pulled on the long underwear and she slid it over her legs. She pulled on an underarmour turtleneck and then sat down on the bed and looked at the jeans, she waited for Quinn to finished getting dressed before pouting at the girl. "Help me, please?" she asked as she held out her baggy jeans.
"Isn't that what best friends are for?" Quinn teased taking the jeans and kneeling in front of Santana to help her slide her legs into them. Her fingers skimmed unconsciously along her friend's legs as she helped her. "This doesn't hurt, right?" she asked concernedly, sliding her hands under her hips to help lift her.
Santana's breath caught and she nodded as she lifted her hips. She bit her lip and watched Quinn as she helped her get dressed, "T-thanks," She whispered, looking at her friend with a semi-veiled gaze of want.
Quinn smiled up at her - blushing slightly as she realized how San was looking at her - and patted her thighs before sitting back on her heels. "Do you need help getting into your snow pants or boots?"
"Uh..." She shook her head trying to get her head back to normal. "Um. I can put on my pants and try my shoes." She stood up and slid pants on struggled to lace up her new waterproof boots. She groaned a bit as she struggled with her laces and bending over at that angle but she wanted to do it herself.
"San, just put your foot up on the bed," Quinn suggested, watching worriedly as Santana bent over. "Or I can tie them. I know you hurt more when it's cold. It's not a big deal..."
Santana sat down on the bed and worked to swing her legs up. "I just wanna not be like this anymore." she sighed, "it just reminds me of all the bad shit."
Quinn moved to help her get her legs up on the bed. "It won't be like this forever, San. You're already better than you were when you got here. We'll keep swimming, you'll learn to ride and work the horses and soon you'll be back to your normal snarky, athletic self," she teased, giving Santana a wink. "Now, do you want my help or not?"
"Yes," she said softly. "I just don't know... Like I don't even know who I am anymore, Quinn," she admitted, as she watched the blonde tie her boots. "I'm just kinda a broken shell and I don't know how to stop feeling like that..."
Quinn finished tying the boots and gave her friend's ankles a pat. "You just keep going and let your friends and family help when you need it. You're going to get better, Santana. I know it."
Santana reached over and stroked Quinn's face. "So will you, beautiful." she said softly. "We're getting better together." She smiled and got up to pull on the jacket. "How does it look?" she asked as she spun around. "I feel like a pillow."
Quinn laughed, pulling on her own cream-colored coat. "Well, you do make a very good pillow," she teased before smiling softly. "You look beautiful, Santana," her words were soft and sincere, "you always do."
The darker girl smiled and pressed a kiss to Quinn's head. "Let go play," She smiled and headed down the stairs.
Santana was busy making a snowman with Rebecca while Cindy and Quinn frolicked in the snow over to the barn. "Thank you for making this the best Christmas I've had," She said softly as she pushed the top snowball onto the head of the piles.
"You're more than welcome, Santana," Rebecca replied, carefully packing snow into the joints of their creation so it wouldn't fall apart. "This is the first Christmas that Cindy and I have ever gotten to share with anyone else, really." She smiled fondly over at her wife, "She loves children but we never could have any of our own with Russell ready to cut off access to Quinn and her sister if he ever realized we were more than friends."
She pulled a carrot and a handful of large buttons out of her coat pocket. "Then you and she came to join us and now," she smiled over the snowman's shoulder at Santana, "it feels a lot more like a real Christmas to us too. I'd truly like it if we could have the two of you at all festive events in the future. You make them better."
"I'd like that too." She whispered, she looked up and she smiled. "I think you would make amazing parents, by the way. I think it's amazing that you were willing to stay in contact with Quinn despite what you two wanted is kinda amazing." She popped a carrot in the nose of the snowman. "She's really lucky to have you and so am I."
"Well," she reached over and ruffled Santana's hair, "the closest we'll come to finding out is the two of you. It's a bit late in life for us to be raising babies with everything else we have to handle around here. And Quinn is special. It's hard not to stay in touch with her when you know the life she had to lead under her father's thumb."
"Now, you can think what you like and I won't stop you," Rebecca looked at Santana pointedly, well aware of her tendency to disbelieve positive things in her life, "but Cindy and I happen to think that we are the lucky ones, Santana. We thought we'd never share our lives with anyone but each other and now we've got not just one but two wonderful and beautiful girls to share our home with and call our family. And that," she popped the final button into the snowman's mouth, "is the most amazing gift anyone could receive."
"I never thought I'd belong anywhere." Santana said as she wrapped an old scarf around the snowman. "I feel like I belong here though. It makes me feel like I'm at a real home..." She whispered, "I never really felt like I had one of those before." Santana looked up, "When I get better mobility I'll be able to pull my weight more."
Rebecca raised a brow as she set the beat up old fedora on the snowman's head. "You already do pull your weight around here, Santana. And this is your home. As long as you want it to be." She offered a smile that reminded Santana of the blonde girl playing with Cindy, "You belong here."
"Thank you." She smiled and stood back to look at the creation. "That is one ugly snowman." She said proudly as she looked over to Rebecca. After a few seconds a whipping sound and a thump hit the back of Santana's coat then Rebecca's. "Hey!" they both exclaimed turning around to see Cindy's tongue out and Quinn giggling.
"Mean!" Santana yelled as she tried to move towards Quinn, grabbing some snow to pack a ball on her way. She threw it and hit Quinn in the shoulder.
"Hey!" Quinn yelled, laughing as she packed another ball and side-armed it at her friend before ducking into a trench Cindy and her had dug while the other two were building their snowman.
Cindy smirked wickedly and tried to heave a ball almost the side of her head at Rebecca only to have it slip out of her hands at the last moment and break open on her own head. "Shit! Fuck it's cold!"
"Language!" Rebecca yelled over as she lobbed several more balls at the girls. "Santana, be careful!" She exclaimed as she saw the girl fall in the snow when her legs couldn't fight through the drifts. She saw her go down face first and then sit up slowly, not realizing that she had knocked her nose and it was bleeding slightly. "Hey, Q? Check on your girl..." She exclaimed as she moved towards the bunker.
Santana sat up and sniffled. It had hurt like a bitch struggling with the snow but when she suddenly felt her body fall into the snow it'd sent a sharp pain through her healing hips and wrist as she tried to catch herself and she sat in the waist deep pile trying to not cry.
Quinn popped up from the trench with a worried expression. "Oh my gosh, is she okay?" She scrambled up out of the trench as best she could with the wall crumbling under her hands and knees. "San? San, are you okay?"
She finally slipped and stumbled all the way through the snow to Santana's side. Pulling off her gloves, she dropped to her knees beside her friend. "Oh my gosh. San, you're bleeding," she unzipped her coat and pulled out a handkerchief, starting to daub at Santana's nose, "Are you hurt bad? Please tell me if you're okay. I didn't make you fall did I?"
Santana's lip quivered and looked up, "I'm-I'm okay." She said, mostly just jostled now that the initial pain was ebbing back into normal levels. "My stupid legs wouldn't let me move and the snow took me down." She pouted and wrapped her arms around Quinn. "I'm okay, I'm just bad at walking. You didn't do anything."
"The snow's heavy and hard to walk in even if you're fine," Quinn pointed out, "I shouldn't have made you think you had to run. I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around Santana and did her best to get her feet under her so she could lift them both to standing.
"Want to try Cindy's sled instead? I could pull you if you want," she smiled once they were standing, but didn't pull away from the close hug, "or we could try hooking it to Brody with a rope and see if he'll tug you around."
"You pull me." She whispered as she clung to her friend, "That really fucking hurt. Stupid snow." She said her voice shaking as she spoke. "Let's sled then go in the hot tub because I can't feel my body."
Quinn turned around and crouched so San could get on her back. "We could get in the hot tub now and sled later if you want. The snow isn't going anywhere after all."
Santana giggled slightly and climbed on Quinn. "Hot tub." She husked as she let Quinn carry her to the house. Once inside, Santana kissed Quinn's cheek and headed to her room. "Meet you out there?" She asked as she started removing her snow clothing.
When Quinn nodded Santana went into her room and pulled off her new snow clothing and put on her green bikini. She pulled on her robe and pleated her long hair into a braid. Carefully walking down the stairs, she headed to the back porch where she saw Quinn already resting in the hot water.
When Quinn saw Santana taking off her robe and climbing into the hot tub in just her bikini, for a moment, she couldn't hide the desire in her eyes for her friend. After a couple of seconds though she looked down at the water as a fiery blush spread over her cheeks, embarrassed to have almost been caught ogling the one person who deserved so much better from her. Once again, a feeling of shame spread through her - all she could think was she was no different than anyone who had wanted the beautiful girl before and Santana deserved so much better.
"You're lucky you can't hide a blush, because my ego couldn't handle you not liking how i look." Santana stated as she slid into the water next to Quinn. She looked at the blonde and pressed a kiss to her lips, "I like when you look at me. Please don't hide it."
Quinn shook her head, playing with her fingers under the water, unable to meet Santana's eyes. "You deserve better than that," she mumbled, ashamed of herself for staring, "you're more than your looks, San. Not that you aren't beautiful, because you are...but you're more and I shouldn't stare just because you're amazing to look at." She sighed, her shoulders slumping, "I'm sorry..."
The other girl sighed and did the only thing she knew how to do. She moved in the water before she slid onto Quinn's lap, she winced slightly at the stretch in her pelvis, the slid her arms around the blonde’s neck. "Look at me." She demanded and when Quinn looked into her eyes she looked pointedly, "You can always look at me, I know you care about me more than anyone else before you. I know you care about me and I need you to look at me like that so I know I don't disgust you."
"You don't disgust me," Quinn whispered, her eyes never leaving Santana's, her guard down leaving her vulnerable as her arms slid carefully around Santana's waist, "you never could. But you deserve better, San. You're still healing. You deserve to not have to deal with me or anyone else staring at you like you're just a beautiful body."
Santana ran her fingers in Quinn's hair. "I know you're uncomfortable with how you feel..." She tried to understand, but she also wanted Quinn to realize that she needed the looks to remind her that she was normal. "You are the only person who makes me feel beautiful, Quinn. You make me feel so whole and normal..." She pressed a soft kiss to Quinn's lips, she needed Quinn to know it was okay.
"I," Quinn began, only to stop with a soft sigh, squeezing Santana gently around the waist, "I just want you to be comfortable, San. I never want you to feel like you're not normal or not the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, but I don't want you to think I just want you for," she shook her head, "for sex! You're so much more important..."
"I don't think I'm going to be ready to have sex anytime soon anyway," Santana whispered. "I.. I don't think I'm gonna be ready for a while and I need you to know that. I still have to get tests back, and heal before I can even think about being with you like that." She honestly told her friend. "I... I want you, I do want you, but I want you, us to be okay before we even think about it okay?" She whispered, resting her forehead against Quinn's.
"I'm not ready for sex," Quinn admitted, "I'm barely ready for... this. What we're doing... whatever it is. I've never even thought about being close to someone in an intimate fashion out of anything but a sense of obligation before you. I really don't know if I'll ever really be ready..."
She sighed softly, moving to rest her head in the crook of Santana's neck. "I don't want you to feel you have to do anything because of me. I'm not like that. I won't push you. Not like that. Not now, not ever."
"Thank you." She whispered, hugging her tighter and staying in the other girls lap. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready again, ether." She stated, "I am trying to push away all of my instincts when I'm with you. I don't know how to understand what I'm feeling when I'm with you. But, this?" she pulled away and kissed her softly, "This is fucking amazing, Q. I never thought I'd wanna kiss anyone, or hold anyone or fuck even cuddle with anyone. I never thought anyone would want that from me, but you do." she looked down to Quinn and pressed another kiss to the girls lips, for the first time she let her lips part and she took Quinn's lip into her mouth.
Quinn's eyes opened wide with surprise. None of their kisses before had been like this. This was something else, something more. She didn't have a way to describe it or even a reference for how it was making her feel.
She whimpered softly at the light suction Santana was applying to her lower lip. It didn't quite hurt, but it felt strange. None of the boys she'd tried dating had ever done something like that, not even Finn. She wasn't at all certain how to react, so she tried to just let Santana do what she wanted to do.
The darker girl shivered slightly, half from her jolt of lust and half from the chill of her exposed back. She ran her tongue over the girl's lip before pulling away and pressing another kiss to the blonde's lips. "I need you to react, Quinn. When I was.. I didn't react I just laid there and took it. I need you to be enjoying this as much as I am."
"I don't know how," she admitted miserably, feeling anxious and self-conscious about the entire thing, her heart racing for more of the wrong reasons than the right ones. When Santana told her she needed her to respond, she just felt a jolt of almost panic, taking a blow to her self-worth and confidence because she just didn't know.
She didn't know how to respond to how far Santana was pushing, didn't know what was appropriate or what would be the right reaction. Santana wasn't Finn or one of her short term "boyfriends" from middle school. She was important and Quinn desperately didn't want to mess anything up or hurt or offend her by doing the wrong thing.
"Okay," Santana whispered, "We can not do anything if you want, I just wanted to kiss you for a bit." she leaned back slightly and watched Quinn's face, "This is all new to me too, I'm just trying... I'm trying to be okay with all of this and I'm listening to my heart." She said honestly as she traced her fingers over Quinn's collarbone. "I can stop if you want."
"I don't mind you kissing me, I just," Quinn still sounded miserable and a little upset, "I just wasn't expecting that and...and then you needed me to react and I don't know how but I should. I'm sorry I don't know, San. I should know how to do this stuff. I'm nearly seventeen!"
She couldn't look at Santana while she was upset. She just wanted the anxious tightness in her chest to go away. "I should know how to do this stuff. I should just know! I just feel useless like I can't do anything right. I'm sorry..."
Santana nodded and ran her fingers through the blonde’s hair and she sank down lower in the hot tub. "You are not useless at all, I love kissing you... I've never kissed anyone before so I just don't know if I'm doing it right or anything. I just... I want to know you're okay." she sighed and snuggled into the girl and rested her head on the girl's shoulder. "How about we just hold each other, we're really good at that and it makes us happy."
Quinn trembled slightly as she nodded, adjusting her grip as Santana settled in her lap. "I'm sorry I ruined the moment, San," she whispered, unhappy with herself for making Santana unhappy. "I didn't mean to. I don't know why I can't figure this out right." She swallowed, blinking and resting her cheek on Santana's head, "I don't know how to do any of this right, let alone kissing you."
"You didn't." She said, "I think it's perfect." Santana kissed above Quinn's heart and hugged her tighter. "I... I think we have a lot of things to figure out. It's new to both of us. You've saved my life more than once and I owe you everything, so we can figure all of this out, okay?"
"You don't owe me anything," Quinn whispered, hugging San close and sliding down in the hot tub so the warm water lapped against her friend's chin. "You're the only one who ever really tried to protect me. The only one who cared when I was upset because my parents yelled at me for being too fat or not pretty enough." She turned her head to press a kiss to the top of Santana's head, whispering into her hair, "The only one who never stopped believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. I'm the one who owes you, San. Because I wouldn't be here a lot more times over than I could ever return the favor if it wasn't for you."
"So we can figure this out, but please don't ever think you owe me anything."
"You're amazing and I think you're beautiful and I love that I'm the one who gets to help save you. We save each other, it's what we do." She whispered as she moved to tangle their fingers together. "We will get our shit together someday." Santana replied, "We'll be okay. I have to believe that we will."
"Definitely," Quinn murmured, offering a small smile as she squeezed their interlaced fingers. "If Lima couldn't keep us down, how could anything else, right?"
"Totally." She whispered as she cuddled closer and closed her eyes. "I like Christmas, it's my favorite now."
"Really?" Quinn laughed softly, "Just wait for New Year's then. Might get better, you never know."
"As long as you're there," She said softly, "I'll be fine." Santana nuzzled Quinn's neck before pulling away. "We should get out. I kinda wanna nap before helping with dinner if that's okay..."
Quinn nodded, shifting her grip again to have an arm behind Santana's back and one under her knees. "Okay, just let me see if I can pull this off." With off, she straightened her legs and back, standing with Santana in her arms and water streaming from them both. "Not bad for a former cheerleading captain if I say so myself," she smirked, carefully walking up the steps out of the tub and over to their robes before setting Santana on her feet. "I'm fine with you napping before dinner, if," she glanced down shyly, her cheeks coloring with a faint blush, "you don't mind me joining you?"
"Strong and beautiful." She winked as she pulled on her robe. "Let’s go nap and let the aunts do whatever it is they do..." She smiled and tugged Quinn up to the blonde’s room. She quickly changed and got dressed into a new set of pajamas before lying in Quinn's bed.
"I really don't want to think about that," Quinn pointed out with a pout as she changed - not even aware of Santana being able to see her as she did so - and closed the blinds to darken the room. Crawling into bed behind Santana, she yawned tiredly and wrapped herself around the smaller girl. "Sleep well, San..."
"Night, Q." she whispered as she cuddled into the blonde and drifted off.
Chapter Thirteen
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: Epic (230,271)
Spoilers: This is AU. Some mentions of Seasons 1 & 2 events though handled differently than in canon.
Pairing: Santana/Quinn
Summary: Santana's life is far harder than it appears to the average viewer. Her dad's in jail and her mom turns tricks in their old family home. Worst yet, Santana herself has to do the same to keep her mom alive and food in her belly. Can Quinn save her? Or will Quinn's domineering father ruin everything? For the Glee Bang
Warnings (highlight to read): talks of suicide, angst, language, graphic het and femslash sex, non-con, dub-con, oral, vaginal, anal, pedophilia, sex work, underage prostitution, abuse, violence sexual and non, minor character death, self-harm, drug use, disease - HIV
Chapter 12
Christmas morning dawned bright and cold over a landscape of fresh fallen snow.
Quinn’s alarm on her phone went off where she’d tucked it under her pillow. She dragged it out from under her pillow and peered at it blearily in the pale glimmer of light sliding in through her shades before the reason she’d set the alarm dawned on her. Smiling brightly, she tossed the covers aside and swung her legs out of bed, shivering as her feet hit the cold wood of the floor. Reaching to her chair, she grabbed her robe, standing and pulling it on over her flannel pajamas.
Giving a final check that the small wrapped box was still safely tucked into the pocket of her robe, she eased open the door of her room, lifting it slightly to keep it from squeaking against the frame. Peeking out into the hall, she looked carefully up and down, listening for any signs of anyone else being up yet. Satisfied, she slipped out of her room, avoiding the board in the middle of the hall that squeaked whenever weight was put on it on her way down the hall to Santana’s room.
Once she reached there, she carefully turned the knob, easing the door open with a wince at the soft groan that emitted from the hinges. Scurrying across the cold floor with its large rag rug, she slipped into the warm bed behind her best friend, wrapping her cold body around her with a mischievous grin. “Merry Christmas, San,” she whispered into her ear, snuggling close so she couldn’t get away from her cold feet.
Santana squeaked as she felt cold feet touch her calves. "Fucking ice cube!" She tried to roll away only to realize that she would almost fall off the bed. So she groaned and cuddled closer and tried to get over the feeling that she'd never be warm again. "Santa better have brought you socks." She grumbled and moved so her head was resting on Quinn's neck. "Merry Christmas, Q." She whispered a few minutes later.
Quinn giggled. “I don’t know what Santa might have brought me, but I brought you something and I wanted to give it to you before everyone else was involved.” She dug the box out of her pocket and held it out to Santana with a shy smile, “ It’s just... I saw it and I thought of you. Go on, open it.”
"You didn't need to get me anything." She whispered as she opened her hand and looked at the box. She unwrapped it slowly and unsure about her movements before she moved to lift the lid. She gasped when she saw what was inside. "Oh... Quinn." She whispered, her hand coming to run against the silver locket.
“I know I didn’t,” Quinn blushed slightly at how Santana was reacting, “I just... you lost all your pretty things and I wanted you to have something special. I knew Cindy and Aunt Becca would never think to get you something like this since they don’t ever really wear jewelry beside their rings, but,” she bit her lip, shrugging, “I remembered you liked being pretty and I thought maybe this could help you feel pretty. It’s a locket and there’s an inscription,” She nodded at Santana to turn it over.
She flipped it over and looked at the inscription always with you she read then ran her fingers over the text. "Quinn," she whispered, looking up and smiling broadly, "Can you... put it on me?" She handed the necklace to her and pulled up her hair. "Please?"
“Sure,” Quinn nodded with a tiny smile as she wiggled around to crouch over Santana in the tiny bed so her arms would be free to hook it around her neck. She carefully clasped the silver chain and pulled back, her fingers trailing lightly over Santana’s skin. “I knew it would look good on you.” She lightly touched it, her first two fingers brushing over the gold cross on the front of the heart shaped locket, the others gently brushing Santana’s skin beside the locket. “The inscription’s true,” she murmured quietly, glancing up at Santana through her eyelashes with a shy smile, “I’m always with you. But especially when you wear this,” she flicked the locket open, showing the tiny picture of herself inside to Santana with a teasing grin, “see?”
"Narcissist," she smirked and leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss onto Quinn's lips. "I love it, thank you." She whispered as she closed it held it between her fingers. "I have something for you, too." She said softly, she leaned off the bed and pulled out book sized box and placed it on Quinn's lap. "I found this at that flea market we went to a few weeks back.. but inside... what's inside I've had forever."
Quinn opened the box carefully, partially afraid of damaging whatever might be in it but mostly just trying to control the thrill that ran through her realizing that someone actually gave her something without either asking what she wanted or just handing her a gift card. Setting the lid to the side, she smiled slowly at the tooled leather bound photo album inside. “Oh wow, San. This is beautiful.”
She pulled it out, setting the box with the lid and settling the album on her lap. The pages crackled softly as she opened it and turned them slowly. Her eyes slowly widened as she realized what she was looking at, her fingers pausing on a picture of her, Brittany and Santana posing together at the first day of cheerleading camp freshman year. She turned the page and gasped.
It was a picture of her and Santana, maybe three years old, sitting on a statue of a water buffalo at the zoo. Santana’s dad had a hand nearby just in case, but neither girl looked like they cared as they waved at the camera and just enjoyed being together. Quinn brushed at her eyes.
“San, I … I can’t take these from you,” she whispered, smiling longingly at the photos as she closed the book. “These are your photos. I can’t take them...”
"Yes you can." Santana said seriously, "Neither of us have anything and I wanted to share the one thing I was able to take from my house. I kept them all in an envelope in my bag for years and I wanted you to have them so we could maybe expand the album with new pictures?" She asked softly, "I want you to have them, Quinn, we might not have anything else but each other... so we can have these too."
"Are you sure?" Quinn sniffled, wiping at her cheeks. "I don't have any photos to add. My dad - Russell... He took them all. He even tore out the pages with you in them in my yearbooks." She splayed her hand over the cover of the album, "I never wanted to give them up, but he made me. I don't know what to say..."
"Um. I was thinking that we could put new pictures in it." She looked down nervously. "Together." She bit her lip and waited to see if Quinn would understand what she wanted to do.
"Well," Quinn smiled lopsidedly, "I do have one photo to add." She nodded back at her room, "It's in my room. I'll have to get it printed, but I think it's perfect." She teased, thinking of the picture on her phone of Santana asleep in the hey covered in kittens from her second day on the ranch as she quickly ran across the hall to get her phone and show it to Santana with a warm smile.
Santana looked at it, all see could see where the dark purple bruises. "Cool." She whispered, not wanting to insult Quinn on her addition. "We can put it in once we print it if you want." she swallowed and flipped the pages to close the book.
Quinn chewed on her lip, putting the phone away with a little sigh. "We don't have to. You, um... probably don't want to remember those days." She smiled lopsidedly, "Maybe we can take some pictures today for the book instead? It is our first Christmas together after all."
"No. I can't forget the bad things that happen to me," she said softly. She had been talking to Rebecca lately about her past. She wanted to ignore it and pretend it never happened, but Rebecca said that it wasn't healthy for her. "We should put it in. It's our new life, okay?" She asked as she leaned over and kissed Quinn's palm. "Wanna tell me a story for a bit before everyone else wakes up?" Santana asked innocently as she pulled Quinn down to lay with her. "I've never had a real Christmas morning before that I can remember."
"I'd love to," Quinn remarked, snuggling close to Santana to fit into the bed with her, "if I actually knew any. Christmas mornings at the Fabray Residence didn't involve stories and hugs so much as cameras and frilly dresses. It was just another photo op of the happy family who wasn't really a family at all." She shrugged with a rueful chuckle.
"But I have you now, right? And Aunt Becca and Cindy too. I don't need my parents or my sister, right?" She looked at Santana hopefully, wanting her to tell her that it would all be okay, that she shouldn't miss her family as much as she did.
"Damn," the smaller girl whispered as she cuddled into Quinn. "Maybe just tell me how we met? I like that story." She yawned and rested her head over Quinn's heart.
"San, we were three!" Quinn laughed, "I barely remember!" At Santana's sleepy mewl of protest she shrugged and gave in, her arms wrapping around her friend's shoulders and holding her.
"Oh, all right." She kissed the top of Santana's head, "As I remember it, I was playing in the sandbox at pre-school when one of the older kids - a big bully - came over and stole my favorite doll. I wanted him to give it back but he wouldn't. He just kept holding it up where I couldn't reach and laughing. I was so mad, I started crying, which just made him laugh even more."
"And then - out of nowhere! - came another little girl, even smaller than me and she started yelling at him and pounding on him with these tiny fists. I don't know if he got confused or if she actually hurt him, because I don't think either of us knew even half of what she was saying," Quinn teased, poking gentle fun at her best friend's childish Spanglish. "At any rate, he gave her my doll and when she turned to give it back to me I realized that she was the prettiest," she realized Santana was falling asleep and let her voice slowly trail off, "most amazing and awesome little girl I'd ever meet and we'd be best friends forever and two weeks, because forever isn't enough."
Cindy woke up early and went to do her chores of tending to the animals. She checked on the teenagers before she headed downstairs. Quinn's door was wide open and her bed empty so the dark haired woman peeked into Santana's room and smiled when she saw the girls wrapped up in each other. She chucked softly before going down to the living room and turning on the Christmas tree and the coffee. Rebecca would come down soon to put out the presents and make breakfast while Cindy tended to her clients and children in the barn.
She was just coming back in, trying to knock the snow and mud off her boots as quietly as she could when she heard the familiar sounds of her wife moving about in the kitchen. Smiling, she hooked her boots off with the boot jack and padded in to wrap her arms around the woman, kissing her cheek. "Our girls are sleeping together again. I like having kids here for the holidays. Remind me again why we don't have any of our own? You'd be hot all pregnant and stuff," she teased, hugging her.
Rebecca rolled her eyes with a fond smirk as she finished preparing their coffee, "Because if you recall my asshole brother would figure out and then we'd never get to see Quinn again."
"Oh, right. Remind me again why I can't just kill him so we can get our baby making on?" She laughed at the dirty look her wife shot her, kissing her neck, "Besides, he signed over custody of her to us so what's stopping us now?"
Rebecca stopped slightly and looked at her lover. "Are you actually talking about this or are you just being a pain in the ass?" she raised her eyebrow and put down her whisk. "Babe? Are you really wanting to have a baby?
Cindy shrugged. "I don't know. I really like having Santana and Quinn around though. I wish they were ours. We've been together long enough. If it wasn't for that ass of a brother, we could have had kids their age by now."
Rebecca turned around and wrapped her arms around the taller woman's neck. "Woman you drive me crazy." She whispered as she kissed her softly, "We have two teenagers now, and like 15 animals plus the practices... we are too busy for babies... but we can always practice the art of baby making." She smirked and nipped Cindy's lip.
Cindy laughed, growing slightly as she picked Rebecca up and spun her around. "I don't really need or want a baby but," she stopped, holding Rebecca close, "what would you say about adopting our girls?"
Rebecca wrapped her legs around the other woman and smiled, "Yeah. I'd like that." She smiled and ran her fingers through thick black hair before pulling it into a ponytail. "But I'm still wanting baby making practice." She smirked, "Can't let the girls get more action than the married people."
Cindy's hands squeezed Rebecca's ass as she moved her over against the counter. "Oh, you think I'm not to the task?" She kissed her hard, letting her hands run over her wife's thighs as she caught a full lower lip between her teeth and tugged with a low growl. "Think I won't take you right here on the counter?" she whispered into her ear, fingers creeping under the hem of her nightgown.
Rebecca squeaked as she let out a low moan her hips arching into the other woman's hands. "B-Babe." She groaned as she was near ready to give into her wife when she heard the shower running. "Th-the kids are up." She whispered kissing her one more time before pulling away from Cindy. "You're an evil woman."
"Hey," Cindy laughed, pulling her back to kiss her again, "you started it and maybe I want my Christmas present early?" She teased, slipping a hand beneath her wife's nightgown to cup her core through her panties. "I can be quick now and take my time later?" she suggested, stroking over the dampening fabric with her thumb, a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"Fuck." Rebecca gasped and let her head fall back against the door behind her head. "Fast, baby. Be fast." She whispered and spread her legs further as she could give her lover room. "God, I miss you. It's been too long." She moaned as she felt Cindy stroking her more quickly.
Cindy reached down to slide the cloth aside with one hand while she slid two fingers into her lover with the other. "Fuck," she whispered as the familiar warmth gripped her fingers, "I've been thinking about this for weeks." Her wrist twisted, thumb stroking the hard bud as she pumped in and out with a slick sound. "I love you so much," she whispered before she bit down on the pulse jumping under the pale, freckled skin of her lover's neck, dragging her fingers quickly back and forth over her g-spot as her thumb ground into her clit faster and faster.
"B-baby." Rebecca gasped as her nails gripped Cindy's shoulders. She rocked her hips frantically, her hips nearly pushing off the counter as she wantonly sought out her wife's fingers. "Harder, fuck... God, harder." She groaned as she tried to pull the other woman deeper inside.
It had been a while since they'd been intimate. Between work, the teenagers moving in and the stress of trying to settle everyone on they had lost themselves in being parents and not lovers.
Cindy nodded, her mouth too busy working the pale column of her lover's neck to answer verbally. She pulled nearly all of the way out of her, only to push back in with three fingers. She'd missed this, missed making love to her wife.
After a moment of stretching her with three, she managed to slide her pinkie in as well, almost her entire hand pounding wetly in and out of her wife as she pushed herself to move faster. Finally, vaguely hearing the sounds of water shutting off upstairs, she pulled her lips from the dark bruise forming on Rebecca's neck. "Come for me," she whispered, panting into her ear as her free hand released her panties to find and pinch a nipple almost painfully hard, rolling it between her fingers. "Come for me, love."
Rebecca's head fell back as she gasped and clamped down around Cindy's fingers. She bit her hip to calm her cry into the quiet kitchen. She panted as she shook under her wife's ministrations. After a few moments she slackened and whimpered at the loss of Cindy's fingers when she pulled out and re-adjusted her nightgown. "I love you, Cindy."
Cindy kissed her softly before moving to wash her hands at the sink. "I love you too." She smiled at the woman who stole her heart all of those years ago, "Want to go shower and clean up while I finish making breakfast?"
"Yes, ma'am. Don't wanna scar the baby-gays do we?" She smirked and slapped her wife's ass before quickly going up stairs.
A little while later Santana came down wearing baggy flannel pants and a long sleeved black thermal. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Hola," she whispered softly as she moved to the other counter to get two mugs out for her and Quinn's coffee.
"Good morning, sleepy," Cindy teased as she stirred the scrambled eggs. "How did you sleep? Nice and warm?"
"Uh-huh." Santana grumbled as she fixed the mugs. She took hers and moved to curl up in the stool at the island. "Despite the fact there is like five feet of snow outside." Santana grumbled as she looked out the snowy window, "I wanted to bring Beauty Christmas presents." She pouted as she looked out knowing that she shouldn't walk through that thick of snow with her hips until it got plowed.
Cindy laughed. "Santana, we live up here. If you want to see your favorite girl, if she really is your favorite, we can get you out to see her today, no worries. But why so grumpy?" she asked, dishing up a plate of bacon and eggs for the girl and setting it before her before fixing one for herself. "Did you and your bed have a falling out?"
"Not grumpy." She said softly as she played with her food. "I just... I just miss my parents today." She admitted honestly, "I never really did anything with them on Christmas but my dad used to have the day off and he's spend it watching movies and cuddling with me... I just kinda miss my mom and dad on days like this." She took a small bite, "Quinn misses her parents too, even though they suck."
Cindy brought her own plate over to the island, setting it down before giving Santana a hug. "I know Becca and I can't ever be your mom and dad, or Quinn's either, but we consider you part of our family, Santana. And," she bent over to meet Santana's eyes with a little smile, "we hope you'd like to be part of ours too."
Santana smiled softly, "I'd like that." she whispered softly, "I don't really belong to anyone... I wanna belong somewhere..." She looked up and met the older woman's eyes. "If... if i stay with you. My dad can't take my back right? If he gets out and finds me he can't take me back..." she looked worried for a moment thinking that she was gonna loose the family that had opened her arms and loved her. "I don't wanna lose you guys and Quinn."
"No way that could happen, pretty girl," Cindy scoffed, scooping her up in her arms and squeezing her tight. "You decide you want to be part of this family, you're in for life, got it? No getting out just because someone from your past shows up and says they got a former claim. You're ours and I'll protect you myself, alright?"
"Okay." She smiled as she heard Quinn come into the room and raise her eyebrow. "Coffee's on the counter, Q," Santana exclaimed as Quinn roamed to the counter to find caffeine.
"Why is San getting hugs?" Quinn asked as she grabbed her cup and moved to sleepily slump into the chair next to the girl.
"Because Santana's not lazy and gets up before noon." Cindy teased as she pressed a kiss to her niece’s head and headed over to the counter and fixed her a plate with extra bacon before sliding it onto the table in front of her. "Eat, sleepy girls, and we can open presents."
"Hey," Quinn yawned, picking up a piece of bacon and crunching it, "I was up way before noon. It's not my fault San's warm and put me back to sleep." She yawned again, "Anyway, it's Christmas, I should get hugs too."
Cindy laughed, "Well, I suppose. Since it's Christmas and all." She gave Quinn a hug, "Now dig in so we can get to those presents!"
Santana ate silently as she snuck glances over to Quinn and winked. She ate one piece of bacon before moving the other two of hers over to Quinn's plate. "I don't want bacon." She said, with a shrug as she drank some of her coffee and ate her eggs. "Thank you, Cindy. This is tasty." She finished eating and leaned back and rubbed her stomach.
Rebecca came in showered and dressed, her hair pulled back into a ponytail unknowingly showing off the hickey her wife had given her not long before. "How are my girls this Christmas day?" She asked with a bright smile, kissing both on the cheek as she came in, getting her own plate and eating, "Ready for presents and playing in the snow?"
Cindy took one look at the hickey and smirked proudly. Quinn's response was to muffle a laugh with a piece of bacon. Rebecca just smiled at the both of them, completely unaware.
"Wankey," Santana giggled as she got up and reached for Quinn's hand. When Quinn finished eating, she took the girl's hand and wrapped her arms around the blonde. "I know what you got for Christmas." She said knowingly as she hid behind Quinn's shoulder.
Rebecca looked between the three looking so confused that Quinn couldn't help but giggle, blushing as she did. "What? My clothes? No, these are old, Santana, I assure you."
Cindy just grinned, pleased as punch that her wife hadn't yet clued in. "Clothes are definitely not what she's referring to, love, but I am not in the slightest ashamed." She smiled, pulling Rebecca's plate out of her hands and setting it on the counter before pulling her into a kiss, ignoring the catcalls from the girls. "Because you’re the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on and I will never be ashamed of loving you as deeply and completely as I possibly can."
Santana blushed and she cuddled into Quinn. "Wankey, just wankey," she said out loud before she pressed a secret kiss to the side of the blonde’s neck. They watched the other women for a moment before Santana pulled Quinn into the other room. She turned the other girl around and looked her in the eyes before pressing her against the wall gently and kissing her pale lips teasingly as she let her fingers tangle with Quinn's.
Quinn didn't resist, and though her movements were tentative and shy when she began kissing back, she did respond to the kiss. It was still strange. The way Santana could make her smile just by walking in the room or sitting by her. The warm feeling she got when she saw her smiling or heard her laugh. The almost electric tingle that shot through her body when they kissed.
It was strange, but she tightened her fingers slightly to remind Santana that she was still with her, still following their slow and hesitant dance.
It was tentative - it always was - but Santana pressed soft closed mouth kisses to Quinn's lips. She was overwhelmed by her feelings for the other girl. She wanted her and felt that everything was okay when she was holding her or kissing her. Santana pulled away after about half a dozen kisses and smiled at the blonde. "I like Christmas."
Quinn opened her eyes slowly - she always closed them when Santana kissed her because looking at her was just too overwhelming - and smiled softly. "I thought you might. Come on, we still have family presents to open." She chuckled, straightening from the wall and tugging Santana towards the living room.
Santana followed along bashfully and plopped down onto the couch. She rested her legs up to not put much pressure on her hips as she watched everyone examine the tree. Santana was more than happy just to be warm and happy somewhere other than how she spent the last few Christmas. Holidays were always even busier for her when she would work, everyone was rougher and meaner to her during holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.
She sipped her coffee and tried to not think about her Christmas last year when Will Schuester came to see her with a few of his friends. She just looked down and tried to push it away.
"Hey, quit hogging the whole couch," Quinn pouted dragging over a couple of boxes labeled for San and her, "Head in my lap or feet but I want to sit here too!"
The injured girl rolled her eyes and moved so she could put her head in Quinn's lap not expecting to have anything under the tree with her name on it. She closed her eyes slightly at the comfort in her friend’s lap.
"Hey," Quinn whispered, shaking her gently, "don't go to sleep. These are for you," she added pointing at the biggest three boxes she'd dragged over. "Everyone gets presents under the tree on Christmas, San."
"Um. What?" She whispered, "I didn't... I don't have anything..." She was mildly panicking that she didn't have anything to give to the women who were letting her live with them. "I didn't know. I'm sorry!" Santana exclaimed as she looked between the boxes and everyone else. "I didn't have any money... and I couldn't get any and I didn't get you guys anything."
Cindy looked at Santana with disbelief, "Santana, honestly? Do little kids have to give stuff to their parents to get gifts? You're the youngest and you've lost the most. The fact that you're here with us doing as much better as you are is present enough for me, kiddo."
"My wife's right, Santana," Rebecca added from her seat in one of the armchairs, "Consider this your welcome into this unusual little family. You are a welcome addition. You make our Quinnie smile," Quinn blushed, ducking her head, "are invaluable to Cindy in helping with Beauty and those dastardly little kittens, and the only one out of the three of you willing to actually talk to me when you're troubled! I already love you. I don't need a present from you to know that."
Quinn just shrugged sheepishly when Santana looked at her. "I just wanted to blow the last of the money Daddy left me on the person I knew I could make happiest while pissing him off the most."
"Why do I feel like I'm gonna get ganged up on a lot?" she asked as she sat up and pouted slightly, "But, thank you. I don't think.. I’ve ever really gotten a present before so this is kinda amazing." She smiled as her hand moved to stroke her new necklace around her neck.
"You deserve it after all you've been through," Quinn whispered softly leaning over and kissing the corner of her lips with a shy blush. "You deserve a real family now. Life owes you at least that much."
"Maybe," she replied and silently watched as Cindy and Rebecca exchanged presents to each other with teasing kisses. Santana opened a box full of clothing, including winter stuff since she was still borrowing Quinn's jacket.
"Now you can come out in the snow with us." Cindy called over to the little brunette.
"Definitely," Quinn insisted. She nudged the bulky package from her towards Santana, encouraging her to open it. Inside was a heavy, red, down-filled parka that would reach to Santana's knees when she put it on and a set of gloves, hat and scarf all in black. "I hate it when you're cold," she admitted with a shy smile. "You always seemed cold in Lima and I couldn't do anything. But I don't ever want you to be cold here with us."
"Thank you." She whispered before leaning over and kissing her cheek. "I love it. Thank you so much." She said as she pulled away and ran her fingers over the item.
"Quinnie’s turn!" Rebecca smiled as she pulled out a large rectangle box from next to her. "This is both practical and fun." She smiled and pushed it towards her. Cindy watched with a smile, snapping pictures with her camera as the girls opened presents. Inside Quinn's gift was a new MacBook pro laptop so she could continue school and have a laptop since her dad took hers.
Quinn stared at it in shock. "I... I," she looked up at Rebecca and Cindy's smiling faces, "oh my gosh, Aunt Becca... This..."
"Don't you dare say it's too much," Cindy scolded, "We can afford it and you don't get to say boo after giving Santana a hard time about not complaining about accepting gifts."
Rebecca smiled and looked at her niece. "This way you can teach your aunt how to create a webpage, since you're so very good at that kinda stuff," she joked as she ribbed on her wife, "and you can get your school work done." She leaned back and wrapped her arms around the darker women's waist.
"Hey!" Cindy protested and begrudgingly leaned back into the woman's embrace. "I'm not that bad... okay yeah I am, but a think a website could be cool... and maybe Santana can have a baby animal page once the kid and foal are born."
"That's awesome, Q." Santana smiled and looked over the contents with her friend, when she heard talk of the foal she looked up, "Pony?"
Cindy laughed, "Yes, Pony. And you ought to be thinking of names since that little foal is going to be born soon. If you want, you can take photos of it and keep an online page updated as it grows."
Santana looked perplexed for a moment as she looked at Cindy. "I can't call it Pony?" She asked with a slight pout, "Caballito?" she smirked and looked at Quinn with a sly wink. She knew she had to give the foal a proper name, but she liked calling the baby Pony.
"Well," Cindy raised a brow, "I suppose you can call it Pony if you want, though it may get confusing if we ever get an actual pony in the barns. Now, if the children are all done with their gifts... Who's up for snowy recreation? I've got a sled in the barn that I've been dying to break in."
Santana laughed, "I know I need to name it... I'll figure out a good one." She said as she stood up and offered her hand to Quinn. "Let's go get changed to go outside." She smiled and picked up her new snow clothing. She limped up the stairs and got into the bedroom and looked around for suitable clothing for the outdoors.
Quinn laughed, coming in behind the excited Santana after a stop in her own room. "Try jeans, a sweater and that long underwear you got when it first started snowing," she suggested, dropping her own clothes on the bed and starting to change. "I'll help if you need me to, okay?"
Santana watched Quinn for a moment before starting to change herself. She pulled on the long underwear and she slid it over her legs. She pulled on an underarmour turtleneck and then sat down on the bed and looked at the jeans, she waited for Quinn to finished getting dressed before pouting at the girl. "Help me, please?" she asked as she held out her baggy jeans.
"Isn't that what best friends are for?" Quinn teased taking the jeans and kneeling in front of Santana to help her slide her legs into them. Her fingers skimmed unconsciously along her friend's legs as she helped her. "This doesn't hurt, right?" she asked concernedly, sliding her hands under her hips to help lift her.
Santana's breath caught and she nodded as she lifted her hips. She bit her lip and watched Quinn as she helped her get dressed, "T-thanks," She whispered, looking at her friend with a semi-veiled gaze of want.
Quinn smiled up at her - blushing slightly as she realized how San was looking at her - and patted her thighs before sitting back on her heels. "Do you need help getting into your snow pants or boots?"
"Uh..." She shook her head trying to get her head back to normal. "Um. I can put on my pants and try my shoes." She stood up and slid pants on struggled to lace up her new waterproof boots. She groaned a bit as she struggled with her laces and bending over at that angle but she wanted to do it herself.
"San, just put your foot up on the bed," Quinn suggested, watching worriedly as Santana bent over. "Or I can tie them. I know you hurt more when it's cold. It's not a big deal..."
Santana sat down on the bed and worked to swing her legs up. "I just wanna not be like this anymore." she sighed, "it just reminds me of all the bad shit."
Quinn moved to help her get her legs up on the bed. "It won't be like this forever, San. You're already better than you were when you got here. We'll keep swimming, you'll learn to ride and work the horses and soon you'll be back to your normal snarky, athletic self," she teased, giving Santana a wink. "Now, do you want my help or not?"
"Yes," she said softly. "I just don't know... Like I don't even know who I am anymore, Quinn," she admitted, as she watched the blonde tie her boots. "I'm just kinda a broken shell and I don't know how to stop feeling like that..."
Quinn finished tying the boots and gave her friend's ankles a pat. "You just keep going and let your friends and family help when you need it. You're going to get better, Santana. I know it."
Santana reached over and stroked Quinn's face. "So will you, beautiful." she said softly. "We're getting better together." She smiled and got up to pull on the jacket. "How does it look?" she asked as she spun around. "I feel like a pillow."
Quinn laughed, pulling on her own cream-colored coat. "Well, you do make a very good pillow," she teased before smiling softly. "You look beautiful, Santana," her words were soft and sincere, "you always do."
The darker girl smiled and pressed a kiss to Quinn's head. "Let go play," She smiled and headed down the stairs.
Santana was busy making a snowman with Rebecca while Cindy and Quinn frolicked in the snow over to the barn. "Thank you for making this the best Christmas I've had," She said softly as she pushed the top snowball onto the head of the piles.
"You're more than welcome, Santana," Rebecca replied, carefully packing snow into the joints of their creation so it wouldn't fall apart. "This is the first Christmas that Cindy and I have ever gotten to share with anyone else, really." She smiled fondly over at her wife, "She loves children but we never could have any of our own with Russell ready to cut off access to Quinn and her sister if he ever realized we were more than friends."
She pulled a carrot and a handful of large buttons out of her coat pocket. "Then you and she came to join us and now," she smiled over the snowman's shoulder at Santana, "it feels a lot more like a real Christmas to us too. I'd truly like it if we could have the two of you at all festive events in the future. You make them better."
"I'd like that too." She whispered, she looked up and she smiled. "I think you would make amazing parents, by the way. I think it's amazing that you were willing to stay in contact with Quinn despite what you two wanted is kinda amazing." She popped a carrot in the nose of the snowman. "She's really lucky to have you and so am I."
"Well," she reached over and ruffled Santana's hair, "the closest we'll come to finding out is the two of you. It's a bit late in life for us to be raising babies with everything else we have to handle around here. And Quinn is special. It's hard not to stay in touch with her when you know the life she had to lead under her father's thumb."
"Now, you can think what you like and I won't stop you," Rebecca looked at Santana pointedly, well aware of her tendency to disbelieve positive things in her life, "but Cindy and I happen to think that we are the lucky ones, Santana. We thought we'd never share our lives with anyone but each other and now we've got not just one but two wonderful and beautiful girls to share our home with and call our family. And that," she popped the final button into the snowman's mouth, "is the most amazing gift anyone could receive."
"I never thought I'd belong anywhere." Santana said as she wrapped an old scarf around the snowman. "I feel like I belong here though. It makes me feel like I'm at a real home..." She whispered, "I never really felt like I had one of those before." Santana looked up, "When I get better mobility I'll be able to pull my weight more."
Rebecca raised a brow as she set the beat up old fedora on the snowman's head. "You already do pull your weight around here, Santana. And this is your home. As long as you want it to be." She offered a smile that reminded Santana of the blonde girl playing with Cindy, "You belong here."
"Thank you." She smiled and stood back to look at the creation. "That is one ugly snowman." She said proudly as she looked over to Rebecca. After a few seconds a whipping sound and a thump hit the back of Santana's coat then Rebecca's. "Hey!" they both exclaimed turning around to see Cindy's tongue out and Quinn giggling.
"Mean!" Santana yelled as she tried to move towards Quinn, grabbing some snow to pack a ball on her way. She threw it and hit Quinn in the shoulder.
"Hey!" Quinn yelled, laughing as she packed another ball and side-armed it at her friend before ducking into a trench Cindy and her had dug while the other two were building their snowman.
Cindy smirked wickedly and tried to heave a ball almost the side of her head at Rebecca only to have it slip out of her hands at the last moment and break open on her own head. "Shit! Fuck it's cold!"
"Language!" Rebecca yelled over as she lobbed several more balls at the girls. "Santana, be careful!" She exclaimed as she saw the girl fall in the snow when her legs couldn't fight through the drifts. She saw her go down face first and then sit up slowly, not realizing that she had knocked her nose and it was bleeding slightly. "Hey, Q? Check on your girl..." She exclaimed as she moved towards the bunker.
Santana sat up and sniffled. It had hurt like a bitch struggling with the snow but when she suddenly felt her body fall into the snow it'd sent a sharp pain through her healing hips and wrist as she tried to catch herself and she sat in the waist deep pile trying to not cry.
Quinn popped up from the trench with a worried expression. "Oh my gosh, is she okay?" She scrambled up out of the trench as best she could with the wall crumbling under her hands and knees. "San? San, are you okay?"
She finally slipped and stumbled all the way through the snow to Santana's side. Pulling off her gloves, she dropped to her knees beside her friend. "Oh my gosh. San, you're bleeding," she unzipped her coat and pulled out a handkerchief, starting to daub at Santana's nose, "Are you hurt bad? Please tell me if you're okay. I didn't make you fall did I?"
Santana's lip quivered and looked up, "I'm-I'm okay." She said, mostly just jostled now that the initial pain was ebbing back into normal levels. "My stupid legs wouldn't let me move and the snow took me down." She pouted and wrapped her arms around Quinn. "I'm okay, I'm just bad at walking. You didn't do anything."
"The snow's heavy and hard to walk in even if you're fine," Quinn pointed out, "I shouldn't have made you think you had to run. I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around Santana and did her best to get her feet under her so she could lift them both to standing.
"Want to try Cindy's sled instead? I could pull you if you want," she smiled once they were standing, but didn't pull away from the close hug, "or we could try hooking it to Brody with a rope and see if he'll tug you around."
"You pull me." She whispered as she clung to her friend, "That really fucking hurt. Stupid snow." She said her voice shaking as she spoke. "Let's sled then go in the hot tub because I can't feel my body."
Quinn turned around and crouched so San could get on her back. "We could get in the hot tub now and sled later if you want. The snow isn't going anywhere after all."
Santana giggled slightly and climbed on Quinn. "Hot tub." She husked as she let Quinn carry her to the house. Once inside, Santana kissed Quinn's cheek and headed to her room. "Meet you out there?" She asked as she started removing her snow clothing.
When Quinn nodded Santana went into her room and pulled off her new snow clothing and put on her green bikini. She pulled on her robe and pleated her long hair into a braid. Carefully walking down the stairs, she headed to the back porch where she saw Quinn already resting in the hot water.
When Quinn saw Santana taking off her robe and climbing into the hot tub in just her bikini, for a moment, she couldn't hide the desire in her eyes for her friend. After a couple of seconds though she looked down at the water as a fiery blush spread over her cheeks, embarrassed to have almost been caught ogling the one person who deserved so much better from her. Once again, a feeling of shame spread through her - all she could think was she was no different than anyone who had wanted the beautiful girl before and Santana deserved so much better.
"You're lucky you can't hide a blush, because my ego couldn't handle you not liking how i look." Santana stated as she slid into the water next to Quinn. She looked at the blonde and pressed a kiss to her lips, "I like when you look at me. Please don't hide it."
Quinn shook her head, playing with her fingers under the water, unable to meet Santana's eyes. "You deserve better than that," she mumbled, ashamed of herself for staring, "you're more than your looks, San. Not that you aren't beautiful, because you are...but you're more and I shouldn't stare just because you're amazing to look at." She sighed, her shoulders slumping, "I'm sorry..."
The other girl sighed and did the only thing she knew how to do. She moved in the water before she slid onto Quinn's lap, she winced slightly at the stretch in her pelvis, the slid her arms around the blonde’s neck. "Look at me." She demanded and when Quinn looked into her eyes she looked pointedly, "You can always look at me, I know you care about me more than anyone else before you. I know you care about me and I need you to look at me like that so I know I don't disgust you."
"You don't disgust me," Quinn whispered, her eyes never leaving Santana's, her guard down leaving her vulnerable as her arms slid carefully around Santana's waist, "you never could. But you deserve better, San. You're still healing. You deserve to not have to deal with me or anyone else staring at you like you're just a beautiful body."
Santana ran her fingers in Quinn's hair. "I know you're uncomfortable with how you feel..." She tried to understand, but she also wanted Quinn to realize that she needed the looks to remind her that she was normal. "You are the only person who makes me feel beautiful, Quinn. You make me feel so whole and normal..." She pressed a soft kiss to Quinn's lips, she needed Quinn to know it was okay.
"I," Quinn began, only to stop with a soft sigh, squeezing Santana gently around the waist, "I just want you to be comfortable, San. I never want you to feel like you're not normal or not the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, but I don't want you to think I just want you for," she shook her head, "for sex! You're so much more important..."
"I don't think I'm going to be ready to have sex anytime soon anyway," Santana whispered. "I.. I don't think I'm gonna be ready for a while and I need you to know that. I still have to get tests back, and heal before I can even think about being with you like that." She honestly told her friend. "I... I want you, I do want you, but I want you, us to be okay before we even think about it okay?" She whispered, resting her forehead against Quinn's.
"I'm not ready for sex," Quinn admitted, "I'm barely ready for... this. What we're doing... whatever it is. I've never even thought about being close to someone in an intimate fashion out of anything but a sense of obligation before you. I really don't know if I'll ever really be ready..."
She sighed softly, moving to rest her head in the crook of Santana's neck. "I don't want you to feel you have to do anything because of me. I'm not like that. I won't push you. Not like that. Not now, not ever."
"Thank you." She whispered, hugging her tighter and staying in the other girls lap. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready again, ether." She stated, "I am trying to push away all of my instincts when I'm with you. I don't know how to understand what I'm feeling when I'm with you. But, this?" she pulled away and kissed her softly, "This is fucking amazing, Q. I never thought I'd wanna kiss anyone, or hold anyone or fuck even cuddle with anyone. I never thought anyone would want that from me, but you do." she looked down to Quinn and pressed another kiss to the girls lips, for the first time she let her lips part and she took Quinn's lip into her mouth.
Quinn's eyes opened wide with surprise. None of their kisses before had been like this. This was something else, something more. She didn't have a way to describe it or even a reference for how it was making her feel.
She whimpered softly at the light suction Santana was applying to her lower lip. It didn't quite hurt, but it felt strange. None of the boys she'd tried dating had ever done something like that, not even Finn. She wasn't at all certain how to react, so she tried to just let Santana do what she wanted to do.
The darker girl shivered slightly, half from her jolt of lust and half from the chill of her exposed back. She ran her tongue over the girl's lip before pulling away and pressing another kiss to the blonde's lips. "I need you to react, Quinn. When I was.. I didn't react I just laid there and took it. I need you to be enjoying this as much as I am."
"I don't know how," she admitted miserably, feeling anxious and self-conscious about the entire thing, her heart racing for more of the wrong reasons than the right ones. When Santana told her she needed her to respond, she just felt a jolt of almost panic, taking a blow to her self-worth and confidence because she just didn't know.
She didn't know how to respond to how far Santana was pushing, didn't know what was appropriate or what would be the right reaction. Santana wasn't Finn or one of her short term "boyfriends" from middle school. She was important and Quinn desperately didn't want to mess anything up or hurt or offend her by doing the wrong thing.
"Okay," Santana whispered, "We can not do anything if you want, I just wanted to kiss you for a bit." she leaned back slightly and watched Quinn's face, "This is all new to me too, I'm just trying... I'm trying to be okay with all of this and I'm listening to my heart." She said honestly as she traced her fingers over Quinn's collarbone. "I can stop if you want."
"I don't mind you kissing me, I just," Quinn still sounded miserable and a little upset, "I just wasn't expecting that and...and then you needed me to react and I don't know how but I should. I'm sorry I don't know, San. I should know how to do this stuff. I'm nearly seventeen!"
She couldn't look at Santana while she was upset. She just wanted the anxious tightness in her chest to go away. "I should know how to do this stuff. I should just know! I just feel useless like I can't do anything right. I'm sorry..."
Santana nodded and ran her fingers through the blonde’s hair and she sank down lower in the hot tub. "You are not useless at all, I love kissing you... I've never kissed anyone before so I just don't know if I'm doing it right or anything. I just... I want to know you're okay." she sighed and snuggled into the girl and rested her head on the girl's shoulder. "How about we just hold each other, we're really good at that and it makes us happy."
Quinn trembled slightly as she nodded, adjusting her grip as Santana settled in her lap. "I'm sorry I ruined the moment, San," she whispered, unhappy with herself for making Santana unhappy. "I didn't mean to. I don't know why I can't figure this out right." She swallowed, blinking and resting her cheek on Santana's head, "I don't know how to do any of this right, let alone kissing you."
"You didn't." She said, "I think it's perfect." Santana kissed above Quinn's heart and hugged her tighter. "I... I think we have a lot of things to figure out. It's new to both of us. You've saved my life more than once and I owe you everything, so we can figure all of this out, okay?"
"You don't owe me anything," Quinn whispered, hugging San close and sliding down in the hot tub so the warm water lapped against her friend's chin. "You're the only one who ever really tried to protect me. The only one who cared when I was upset because my parents yelled at me for being too fat or not pretty enough." She turned her head to press a kiss to the top of Santana's head, whispering into her hair, "The only one who never stopped believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. I'm the one who owes you, San. Because I wouldn't be here a lot more times over than I could ever return the favor if it wasn't for you."
"So we can figure this out, but please don't ever think you owe me anything."
"You're amazing and I think you're beautiful and I love that I'm the one who gets to help save you. We save each other, it's what we do." She whispered as she moved to tangle their fingers together. "We will get our shit together someday." Santana replied, "We'll be okay. I have to believe that we will."
"Definitely," Quinn murmured, offering a small smile as she squeezed their interlaced fingers. "If Lima couldn't keep us down, how could anything else, right?"
"Totally." She whispered as she cuddled closer and closed her eyes. "I like Christmas, it's my favorite now."
"Really?" Quinn laughed softly, "Just wait for New Year's then. Might get better, you never know."
"As long as you're there," She said softly, "I'll be fine." Santana nuzzled Quinn's neck before pulling away. "We should get out. I kinda wanna nap before helping with dinner if that's okay..."
Quinn nodded, shifting her grip again to have an arm behind Santana's back and one under her knees. "Okay, just let me see if I can pull this off." With off, she straightened her legs and back, standing with Santana in her arms and water streaming from them both. "Not bad for a former cheerleading captain if I say so myself," she smirked, carefully walking up the steps out of the tub and over to their robes before setting Santana on her feet. "I'm fine with you napping before dinner, if," she glanced down shyly, her cheeks coloring with a faint blush, "you don't mind me joining you?"
"Strong and beautiful." She winked as she pulled on her robe. "Let’s go nap and let the aunts do whatever it is they do..." She smiled and tugged Quinn up to the blonde’s room. She quickly changed and got dressed into a new set of pajamas before lying in Quinn's bed.
"I really don't want to think about that," Quinn pointed out with a pout as she changed - not even aware of Santana being able to see her as she did so - and closed the blinds to darken the room. Crawling into bed behind Santana, she yawned tiredly and wrapped herself around the smaller girl. "Sleep well, San..."
"Night, Q." she whispered as she cuddled into the blonde and drifted off.
Chapter Thirteen