Saved by a Kiss
I didn’t know that I was going to do it today; I really didn’t plan it beforehand. I’ve been carrying a knife with me for weeks, just in case. Then a couple of hours ago, when I couldn’t stay anymore in my desolate room, I decided to go for a walk. My feet carried me to this mall and as I was crossing a pedestrian bridge an idea flashed across my mind. I waited for a sign, anything, that would keep me tied to this world, but only the sad, overcast sky seemed to be mourning a random, anonymous eighteen year-old boy who even though was surrounded by people, would die lonely and loveless.
I stepped to the barrier and crossed it without looking down. With my eyes raised to the sky, I took out the knife I hid in a pocket and watched the reflection of my eyes on the shiny steel surface. They looked glassy and lifeless like the eyes dolls have and the colour started fading away as well. A tear fell from the corner of my eye and it landed on the blade at the same time as an eerie scream cleaved the air from bellow.
Somebody noticed me and people started pointing their fingers in my direction. Damn, I have to decide quickly what to do next…
* * * * *
Dominic was eating at the Chinese fast-food with his cousin, Tiffany, who invited him to the mall because they hadn’t spent time together for a long time. They chatted cheerfully, telling each other about what they had been up to lately. Tiffany complained about the difficulties of getting used to working instead of abrading her desk at school. Her blonde cousin smiled understandingly; he had to drop out of school three years ago. He still worked at the same hotel as a receptionist, but luckily he liked his job and especially his fellow workers. They called him their “big brother” because he was always there to listen to them and soothe their heartaches, just as he was doing now with his cousin, who rewarded him with a bear hug after they finished their lunch.
They were walking on one of the many floors of the mall, doing more window-shopping than actual shopping - Tiffany because she didn’t have much money left, Dominic because he was too absorbed in his thoughts. Evoking childhood memories was not a good idea. Unlike most people, Dominic didn’t like to think about that dark period of his life, for it made him think about painful things. He knew that he needed to snap out of this weird state of mind, otherwise he would spoil Tiffany’s joy as well.
Dominic took a deep breath and erased the bad memories from his mind, instead he started thinking about all the good things that happened in the last three years. His eyes became a bit teary, but not because of sadness. He just simply remembered his nineteenth birthday from last December when his fellow workers surprised him with a huge cake. He’d never received so much love. Dominic realised that the law of love was quite simple: give a piece of love and you’ll get back tenfold. He flashed Tiffany with a bright smile and he was happy when she mirrored his gesture. It was this simple.
Having finished shopping, the two cousins decided to go home. However, they found a big crowd in front of the mall and since they couldn’t get out of it, they asked what happened. Every face reflected fear and shock; the elderly persons shock their heads disapprovingly, some were even blaming the government. Finally, someone heard Dominic’s question and the bystander pointed up and said:
“It’s that boy up there; he has a knife and he crossed the guardrail. He told the police and firemen that nobody loves him and he’ll jump off if they go closer.”
Dominic looked at his cousin with pain in his big, grey eyes. Tiffany answered with a frown and she swallowed nervously. She hooked on to Dominic and they both looked at the tiny, pale figure who was obviously becoming more and more excited. The question “why?” left everybody’s lips, but the blonde felt that this wasn’t enough: the crowd’s ignorance and impuissance would suffocate him any second.
It seemed like the whole world was spinning with Dom and an invisible power was constantly pressing a heavy weight on his lungs. The boy averted his eyes towards the crowd for a moment and Dominic thought that he saw the desire to be saved in the boy’s eyes, yet nobody moved a finger. It was time to act.
“He’s my friend. I know h-him, he’s my friend,” he stuttered and a few persons looked at him gaping.
As the uttered words spread in the agitated crowd, Tiffany looked with raised eyebrows at her cousin. She wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth, but she squeezed his arm protectively. The surrounding group of people encouraged Dom to run to the police and tell them to let him talk with the suicidal teenager. The young man felt many unknown pats on his shoulders and that fuelled his sudden decision.
He didn’t know what was in his mind or what he should do next. Honestly, he didn’t and couldn’t even think further; his brain only registered the cold air as he rushed up on the stairs that led him to the bridge. His impetus was suddenly halted by two surly policemen.
“I’m sorry, young man, but we can’t let you go farther.”
“But, please, let me, I know him, I’m his friend!” Dominic answered, out-of-breath.
When he noticed the hesitance in the eyes of the policemen, he added quickly:
“Please, let me, I’m his…boyfriend,” Dominic was relieved to see that this argument was convincing enough and he added, to be sure, another detail: “and he wants to kill himself because of me.”
Dominic had never seen the boy before, but realising that nobody did anything to save a poor, lost soul, he had to come up with something and this was the first idea that came across his mind. The men in the orange overalls looked at him curiously and he read on their antsy expressions that they wished he’d have luck. One of them even patted his back.
The blonde was only ten metres away now from the suicidal boy and he could observe him much better. Dominic noticed the thin, but strong arms which held the handrail with such force that the bluish veins became even more visible. The little body shivered as a gust of wind raved and Dominic watched the brunet locks dancing in the air, until a pale hand put them right behind a small ear. The rebel tufts fell back on his face, but this time their owner turned his face toward Dominic.
Dominic halted for a moment, but the teary, blue eyes didn’t seem to register him; their owner simply looked through him. The blonde felt the unbearable pressure: one bad move and everything would end in a catastrophe. A drop of sweat flowed down the side of his face and he rubbed it away nervously. Thinking that the teenager wasn’t attentive at his moves, he made two small leaps until there were only two metres between them, but his deep concentration was disturbed by a weak, but determined voice:
“Stop there. Don’t come closer.”
Dominic raised his eyes at the brunet with surprise, but the boy looked ahead at an indefinite point in the distance. Was he staring at the steeple of the church? Was he waiting for a miracle? Was he waiting for the alarm which would wake him up from this terrible nightmare? Deep down in his heart, the blonde hoped that he could be that alarm which would arouse the will to live in the boy…
Dominic gathered his courage and addressed his first words to the stranger: “I’m not trying to save you, I just want to talk.”
“Well, if the police sent you, you can go back because I don’t need you,” a firm voice answered sharply.
“I’m staying, so your demand is out of question,” Dominic stared at the thin body teary-eyed as he stepped closer, “I even lied for you.”
Just as Dominic expected, the brunet boy showed sudden interest: “What? What do you mean?”
“Well, I told the police that I know you…that you’re my friend, so the least you could do is to tell me your name,” Dominic said.
“Hmm, I don’t know why you did that, but it certainly wasn’t worth the effort,” the suicidal teenager stated bitterly.
“Let me decide that, okay? I did that because I wanted to talk to you. By the way, I’m Dominic,” the blonde said and extended his hand.
“Right. I won’t say that it’s a pleasure to meet you and I’m sorry, but I won’t shake your hand either because it might be a trick,” the young man answered, observing the blonde with suspicion.
“Your name, please!” Dom tried again.
The bit sterner voice snapped the suicidal boy out of his strange reverie and he answered with his eyes cast down, almost ashamed: “Matthew. Matt. Whichever you prefer.”
Dom breathed in with relief: “Matt, listen, I’m not trying to tell you off, because I can’t be much older than you…”
“I’m eighteen,” Matt answered and glanced confusedly at Dom before looking at the steeple again.
“Well then, I’m only a year older than you. Anyway, I know that you only adopted this…sardonic attitude to hide the pain…”
“Are you a fucking psychologist?!” Matt snapped at the shocked blonde.
“Matthew, that’s exactly what I’m talking about! You just shout and build walls around yourself…let light enter your life. Please, tell me what led you here, maybe I can help…”
A heavy, deafening silence fell on the two boys, while the policemen waited in an unnerving tension. They only heard the raised voices - and not the words - therefore they thought the lovers were quarrelling. Matthew looked behind his left shoulder at the hopefulness gleaming in Dom’s eyes; he frowned and bit his lower lip. Finally, he decided to open up and, slowly, he turned towards the blonde. The crowd below sighed with relief.
Matthew didn’t realise until then, but his whole body was shuddering with the force of the pain he repressed for years. He couldn’t stop the single tear which escaped from the corner of his right eye; he was actually surprised that he still had tears. His lips trembled, but the awful words eventually escaped: “Have you ever felt that the whole world has betrayed you? That everybody is laughing at your misery? Have you, Dominic? I have, every single day. I live in a prison of coldness with no sunshine or love,” the boy paused and wiped away the tear that slid down to his jaw, however, the new tears forming in his eyes prevented him from seeing that Dominic was on the brink of sobbing himself.
“Matt…”
“Dom, I’m not exaggerating! Nobody believes me, but it is true. The only person who ever showed affection towards me was my mum, but she died five years ago. Since then life’s been worse than hell. With Mum’s death, Dad lost his common sense - and I lost my home.” Matthew’s voice had a break in it, but desperation gave him power to talk further: “Not even a year later he met a woman. I knew from the first moment that she had no good intentions. She smiled smugly while spending Dad’s money and she pretended to care about me, but the truth is that my stepmother treated me worse than a dirty rag!”
The policemen and firemen asked the paramedics to go closer to the scene as the suicidal boy seemed to have a serious breakdown. Or maybe his boyfriend’s nerves would give up sooner because he was constantly weeping as well.
Ten metres away, Matt rocked back and forth as if he were trying to make his memory erase the painful images. He whispered the last words of his confession with his eyes closed: “Then Dad married her and a month ago the impostor ran away with our fortune, leaving huge debts for us to pay. We’re practically broke and I had to drop out of school to start working in order to survive.”
The brunet paused again to sop up his tears and with an air of dignity, he said to Dominic: “Well, I’m tired. There’s nothing I can live for, I lost everything. Dad’s in a mental hospital and I’m living in a filthy chamber with two other boys. I can’t do this anymore! I give up the battle. After all, death can’t be worse...”
Dominic was in a very bad state himself. His heart sank from the first words Matthew uttered and every tear those beautiful blue eyes squeezed out made him feel guilty. He was angry at the world, angry that nobody tried to be kind and give the boy a bit of love. If even the beams of hope died in Matthew’s sapphire eyes, then the cause was lost. But Dominic refused to see another ruined life. He himself had rebuilt it many times and the last time, he did it for real and promised that he would never ever let anything destroy it. Now he had the chance to persuade a hurt soul - in whom he saw his younger self - that life was worth the effort.
“Dominic, don’t try to save me,” Matthew grumbled, despondent.
“I’m not trying; I just want to let you know how reckless you are. Your life experience is similar to mine, so I understand you,” Dominic declared with a small, sad smile and tears staining his cheeks.
He started rolling up his shirt’s sleeve and he extended his arms, so that Matthew could see the fine, red marks of the razor blade on the delicate skin of his forearms. If possible, the brunet sniffled even louder at the sight, the shock of the realisation hitting him hard. The crowd and the police were confused about the boys’ discussion: they had no idea what they could be talking about.
“I’m familiar with the concept of a broken home,” Dominic started his story, hoping that his example would deter Matt from his initial purpose. “I also have a little sister who was born deaf-mute and we had to witness the quarrels of our parents. We never had a real childhood and then Dad became an alcoholic. Believe me, I tried taking my life many times: I took pills, I tried jumping off buildings and finally, I started cutting myself, so that the pain I caused with the blade would take my mind off family issues. But I couldn’t leave my poor, defenceless sister alone. I dropped out of school and started working, so that I could support us.”
Matthew could not believe what he’d just heard with his own ears. This handsome young man had to suffer? He would have never guessed it; Dominic looked so successful and blessed by life! He took the blonde’s right forearm and inspected it while asking himself why would such a nice and good man have to suffer. He shred a few tears over the red marks as if the tiny droplets could heal the permanent sorrow in Dom’s heart. Then a new thought crossed his mind: if Dom fought to stay in this world - although, honestly, he looked more like a divine being - then couldn’t he do the same?
Matthew looked at Dom curiously and his frown changed to a brilliant smile. Dominic was surprised and, despite the tears stinging his eyes, he smiled back. Matt was beautiful even crying, but the smile made him downright otherworldly. Without realising what he was doing, Dominic put his arms around Matt’s neck and sealed their lips together. Behind the saltiness of their mixed tears, Dominic tasted the sweet, rosy lips and he opened his mouth slightly when Matthew put his knife-holding hand on his waist.
Dominic was not afraid at all. He knew that he saved a life and that was the most important thing. However, the kiss ended suddenly when the firemen rushed there, pulled them apart and brought Matthew behind the handrail. The boy threw away the knife immediately and let the paramedics take care of him, while his thoughts were still whirling around the best present he’d ever received. He looked for Dominic, but his saviour, just like a celestial miracle, disappeared before anyone could stop him.
However, Matthew had a plan about how to contact him and he smiled to himself. The seed of joy to live life had already started blooming in him and he needed the light of Dominic to nourish the delicate sprig. The brunet closed his eyes as the policemen carried him to the station.
* * * * *
An hour later, Dominic closed the door and leaned against it with a tired smile. He turned off his mind; too many things happened on that afternoon. He took a hot bath and just relaxed, but the image of blue eyes brimming with tears didn’t let him fall asleep. He shuffled around in his small apartment until the telephone rang. He ran to the device and picked it up impatiently.
“H-Hello?”
“Dominic Howard? Major Nichols talking. We have a young man here, Matthew Bellamy, who refuses to cooperate and says he’s only willing to talk to you. Sir, would you be kind enough to come to the station as soon as possible?”
Dom smiled and had to stifle his laughter. He left his apartment with a grin plastered on his face. Later, when a policeman led him in the room where Matthew was kept, his smile became even broader. Matthew ran towards him and thin arms encircled his waist with desperation. Dominic stroked Matt’s back and pressed a kiss to the dark mess of his hair. He looked into the sapphire eyes and wondered if Matt was the only one who had been saved that afternoon…