Comments | thekamisama: Meet Billy

thekamisama

Meet Billy

Jun 29, 2006 18:14

I will not subject anyone with a weak will to read my little story- bomb below, so the LJ cut Nazi's win this round.

( Some of you might find this tale offensive, you have been warned! )

story ideas, offensive, supervillians

Comments 8

bleakdesolation June 29 2006, 23:34:08 UTC

I am an editor. :) Here are my suggestions in the order that they appear in your paragraph.

Pastime = one word.
I see a few sentence fragments, but they appear to be for effect, so leave 'em.
Hyphenate "simple-minded."
Lowercase "principal" unless you use the guy's name with it.
Worldwide = one word.
Supervillain = one word.
Put a semicolon after "Wisconsin" instead of the comma.
Put a period after "world."

To quote the country song: I like it! I love it! I want some more of it!

bleakdesolation June 29 2006, 23:34:40 UTC

Story, not paragraph. It has several paragraphs. DER. lol

thekamisama June 30 2006, 00:06:01 UTC

thank you! I will correct it, sometime. maybe in the morning after I get back from work

klaproth_1 June 30 2006, 01:14:03 UTC

Billy, go mop dwey flo.

thekamisama June 30 2006, 01:33:52 UTC

Billy does not represent any other persons in the fine janitorial profession

bleakdesolation July 1 2006, 07:41:09 UTC

AHAHAHAHA look at yr icon

neur0vanity July 1 2006, 17:26:45 UTC

Totally makes me think of pulp magazines. Dementia and very black comedy. I dig.

thekamisama July 2 2006, 01:53:14 UTC

Thanks, I might try a few more of these, I get ideas for little stories or scenes. But I always doubted my ability, not being "taught" writing and all. So the encouragement is appreciated.