Grumblings

[thehourspass]

Before I send the wrong impression, a disclaimer: I love my dad, and I am lucky to have him. I am glad he moved closer, and I know it was the right thing. /end disclaimer

But yesterday, he pissed me off so much. A little back story: The 29th of October was the 14 year anniversary of my mother's death. Its always a hard day for me and for my dad and

Comments

[erotophobic]

When I interviewed your dad for the elder paper I wrote my first year of social work school, I saw some moments of really unexpected honesty. He told me about how long it took him to accept Steve's diagnosis, and how your mom was far more understanding and accepting. He must know that that is the truth, but I think that sometimes, especially with older folks, people write stories about themselves that are based on reality but eventually become myth.

I also kind of wonder if your dad is still in many ways locked into his grief about losing your mom, and if belittling her is a way of trying to disconnect with that.

Not that that REALLY helps, because I know what it's like to have a dad that you love AND whom you have MAJOR esoteric/philosophical/emotional problems with, and you can understand and even accept things mentally but that doesn't make it any easier to separate from it.

[etherealdreamer]

Not that that REALLY helps, because I know what it's like to have a dad that you love AND whom you have MAJOR esoteric/philosophical/emotional problems with, and you can understand and even accept things mentally but that doesn't make it any easier to separate from it.

I feel like this about a lot of my family. You've said that more accurately than I ever could.

[thehourspass]

This is probably why we are all friends. I think we all have very similar (and also rather different) childhood experiences that make us relate to each other. And our experiences growing up have shaped who we are as adults, so we have the same outlook on life.

[thehourspass]

Thank you for sharing about your interview with him. Perhaps its easier to tell the truth to an outsider (though, you're hardly that!). Plus I think he likes you more than me! haha I KID.

I know for certain he is still grieving my mom, and his belittling is the way he deals with it. I mean, its what drove me out junior year; he was taking his anger/grief out on me. I can have sympathy for that reason. But you're right, that doesn't make it any easier. <3

[wonderbliss]

Hang in there, your sitation sounds a lot like one of my friends and what she deals with from time to time with her father.

[thehourspass]

Thanks!