I like it very much! I really like the fact that Dan is the one in control here. But the format of the drabble makes it a bit difficult to read. What do you think about this?? Just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore and delete. :)
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Elijah stopped his fingers as he heard the bathroom door being opened. He swiveled around on the bed and dropped the game cube as he watched Dan emerging, wrapped in a huge towel, his damp hair tousled like he was still in character.
"Had a nice shower, Dan?" O god, do you have to sound like some parental figure, Wood?Daniel made his way over to the bed, rubbing his hair with a tip of his towel
( ... )
Thanks ever so much- that really is constructive critisism! It looks so much better, the way you edited it. I'm so new to to world of LJ.. can you tell me how I can alter the post after I already submitted it??
No problem. Just remember that it looks better if a story (or anything you write) is made up of paragraphs, and not just loose sentences on top of each other. Whenever one of your characters says something, start a new paragraph. Make sure not to have two (or more) characters speak in the same paragraph. These are all tools to make your story look more attractive, and easier to read. And remember: practice makes makes perfect!
To edit your post: at the top of the post, there's a button with a blue pencil, that says: edit entry. Click that and make whatever changes you want to make. :)
Comments 5
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Elijah stopped his fingers as he heard the bathroom door being opened. He swiveled around on the bed and dropped the game cube as he watched Dan emerging, wrapped in a huge towel, his damp hair tousled like he was still in character.
"Had a nice shower, Dan?" O god, do you have to sound like some parental figure, Wood?Daniel made his way over to the bed, rubbing his hair with a tip of his towel ( ... )
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It looks so much better, the way you edited it.
I'm so new to to world of LJ.. can you tell me how I can alter the
post after I already submitted it??
Reply
To edit your post: at the top of the post, there's a button with a blue pencil, that says: edit entry. Click that and make whatever changes you want to make. :)
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was still in character.
Hmmm... wet hair! ;-p
It was lovely! :->
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It was nerve-wracking, posting my first
(especially since English isn't my first language..),
am so glad you liked it!
*hugs*
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