[Rant]: Fantasy Warnings

[thefourthvine]

I love love love authors who use warnings, largely because I rely on them. But, in addition to the big important warnings, I think we all also have fantasy warnings. Or, okay, I do. Here are just a few of the ones I long to see on stories - or, hey, I'd like to slap them on myself, sometimes

Comments

[minim_calibre]

Ahahahaha!

You know what I want? I want WARNING: this story will be so aggressively mediocre that you will at no point get the thrill of finding a Truly Bad Fic OR the satisfaction of something with actual emotional content.

But I'm still scarred by the multi-chapter, perfect grammar and spelling, epically boring NC-17 Dawn Summers Loses Her Virginity Carefully and With Adequate Protection to an OMC (And Then Has Sex Again in Great Dull Detail For 28 Chapters) story I once read.

It was like I'd stumbled into a fan produced safer sex pamphlet.

(Yet I couldn't STOP reading it. I felt like maybe, maybe, I'd get to the point. Somewhere. Apparently, if there was one, it wasn't in that story.)

[fish_echo]

(Yet I couldn't STOP reading it. I felt like maybe, maybe, I'd get to the point. Somewhere. Apparently, if there was one, it wasn't in that story.)

I do this too!** I thought I was the only one who was unable to use the back button! I'm only just learning that it is *perfectly okay* to give up on a story. (Or if need be, skip to the last chapter and see if there's been any character development. And if there hasn't, well then, I feel remarkably like I've read the whole thing.)

**Not with this story, in particular, thank goodness. And please to not be providing a link, or I will read it just to see if it's as bad as you say.

[minim_calibre]

You are fortunate that this was YEARS ago, and it would take me at least 15 minutes to find it again! You are spared the link.

I have a hard time just clicking out of a story. Especially when I'm reading while I'm in transit. I figure, the page has loaded on my phone, I might as well read it. Which is NOT A GOOD PLAN.

[minim_calibre]

I bet it's this.

(ninja, vanish!)

[jillsjourney]

I agree with this post 157439%.

[thefourthvine]

*beams* Thank you!

[nimnod]

I can't work the life of me work out the original adjective for spicy fingers! And I need to!

[fish_echo]

My guess is 'hot'?

[labellementeuse]

I'm thinking it's the phrase "hot hands." I can't get "haunting ears", though - or glamorous and presentable penis. (Which actually almost does sound like Fraser to me. Presentable, anyway.)

[codfisch]

"Strong" is a synonym for spicy. Or it could be "tasty"!

"Elegant" for glamorous and "clean" for presentable, maybe? LOL

[seperis]

*slowly laughing to death on the floor*

All true. This is love. And like, a thesis possibility for fanfic writers.

[thefourthvine]

*eyes you worriedly*

You are breathing, right? Because with you, I'm always afraid laughter actually COULD kill you.

But, yay! I am glad you approve. And I stand ready to be a primary source should anyone wish to do the kind of thesis that will likely not result in a degree.

[dafnagreer]

My issue is when I read a story and hope the writer has never had sex or been in a relationship. Because, look, it's not supposed to be like that.

THIS. I mean, iawtp 100% anyway, but this in particular. Yes. Please get help. Run far away from whoever told you that was what real relationships are like.

[simplysly]

Or the first time gay sex. Once read a Snarry where Snape explained to Harry what he could expect for his first time. Apparently, because it was the first time, Harry would definitely, without a doubt, bleed just a little, but don't worry, it would never happen again.

I mean, I was fourteen when I was reading it, and even then I knew that your ass? is not in possession of a hymen. Really this time. I promise.

TMI

[pure_entropy]

Hey, I know where you're coming from. I've seen some really badly written first-time slash. This will be TMI. The first time I had anal sex, I did bleed. My best friend, who is gay, bled a /lot/ his first time being a bottom. If you're too drunk to remember to use lube, you can do some serious damage, or at least stretch the skin until it bleeds a little. Just because there's not a hymen to break doesn't mean you can't bleed from abrupt, unprepared for anal sex.

Re: TMI

[simplysly]

Yes, I know all that. The fic indicated though that no matter how thoroughly prepared someone was, and no matter how unprepared they were in the future, it was only the first time that they would bleed, and only a small, insignificant amount at that.