pretty good. a couple things though: 1. are you planning on this being a freeverse poem or not, if so then thats fine, but if not then you need to check your syllables because the ryming has to match the syllable count. 2. if this is a freeverse, dot be afraid to shorten your phrases....the last phrase (So Here Is A Warning U Might All Heed Leave Nothing Undone For It Maybe Too Late, Dont Be Like Me Who Regrets Whats Not Done Be Something Better Be Something Done...........) could resonably be made into 8 phrases instead of 2....just a though. your thing is well done, keep writing!
he made it seem like the last bit in his update was something more of an aside then part of a poem and were it to be a freeverse yeah he should shorten each line and add length but also to be a free verse he would also have to stop rhyming intentionally as much. sugestion: revising
another suggestion. English grammar! You capatalize proper nouns (i.e. names of people, places), the first word of a sentence, or the first word of each line in a poem. Or if you want to bend the rules a little... emphasized words (like maybe 1 or two in a whole writing source). Sorry, I'm picky.
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1. are you planning on this being a freeverse poem or not, if so then thats fine, but if not then you need to check your syllables because the ryming has to match the syllable count.
2. if this is a freeverse, dot be afraid to shorten your phrases....the last phrase (So Here Is A Warning U Might All Heed Leave Nothing Undone For It Maybe Too Late, Dont Be Like Me Who Regrets Whats Not Done Be Something Better Be Something Done...........)
could resonably be made into 8 phrases instead of 2....just a though.
your thing is well done, keep writing!
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