My best defense

[thedeath_of_you]

Botan glanced out the window as she took the tea tray from a servant. It had been a rather quiet day at the shop. Seemed like the season for new clothes had died down. In fact, it had been so quiet that the staff had taken off at midday

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[desert_gaara]

Taking a month off after Botan's and his wedding had come with a price: work had piled up in a way he could hardly believe. At first he had though that he'd catch up relatively quickly, but the more he got done, the more he found he needed to do. And it seemed the everything needed to be done Right This Minute, Preferably Yesterday.

He looked at the clock and sighed deeply, rubbing his tired eyes. It was almost mean, that he had had a time when he got to sleep, but was now unable to do so again. He hated the monster inside him, but he had to admit that it was an useful one.

Well, it was definitely about time he headed home, he thought, and packed up a stack of papers and folders. He could continue with this after Botan had gone to sleep for the night.

Not long after he stepped through the door. More rooms had been opened up to their quarters; a sewing studio for Botan, and a simple office for himself. Since he needed something to occupy his nights again, anyway, he usually spent them working.

Always working.

[desert_gaara]

"Please, stop." His voice was quiet, tired, and fearful. He sat absolutely still, head bowed as if he was still looking into his teacup, but his eyes were closed. In the dim evening light, the shadows around his eyes made it look like two dark holes went right into his skull.

"...talk to me."

[thedeath_of_you]

She stopped and looked at her husband across the table. She wanted to leave, she truly just wanted to drop the subject entirely. But, how he could never deny her anything? It went both ways.

The woman settled back down. "All right. I will. Just...just don't always be so ready to blame yourself."

[desert_gaara]

"Unless there's something I don't know about, its..." All my damn fault. Isn't it? "Please, just tell me what's wrong."

[thedeath_of_you]

"It's been bothering me for a while now, b-but,"

She gulped.

"When you're late...I feel...I feel...I don't know what I feel! But you have duties, and I know that, I always did. So, I don't know why I feel that way."

[desert_gaara]

"Yes, I have duties to Suna. But don't I have duties to you as well?"

[thedeath_of_you]

"Yes, you do. But so do I, to you. I can't be so selfish."

She shook her head.

"I don't know why it affects me so much. I'm no stranger to long hours back in Spirit World. Koenma-sama used to do it all the time." Well, with Koenma-sama, it was obviously different, Botan.

[desert_gaara]

Yes, that was so different that Gaara just had to point it out, and almost had to smirk.

"Botan, you weren't married to Koenma-sama. He was your boss. Me, I'm not your boss, but I am your husband."

It almost annoyed him, that she was so self-sacrificing about this.

"You have every right to be selfish."

[thedeath_of_you]

"I admit it wasn't a good comparison, but you get what I' going for."

If Botan wasn't in such a somber mood, she would have puffed her cheeks out in childish annoyance. When couples fought, weren't they supposed to blame the other?

She paused.

"I have every right, but it's not right."

[desert_gaara]

"Why not?" Really, he was dying to know the answer to that one. When he was the first to admit he'd been neglecting her, why would it be wrong to think that, too?

[thedeath_of_you]

She frowned. "Because it's just not! I mean, it's not like you've been staying out on purpose. I know that...I just don't like feeling selfish."

[desert_gaara]

"Botan..." This was going to be hard to say, because there were so many ways for him to say the wrong things, and for her to misunderstand him. "I know I've been neglecting you. I know. You have every right to be angry with me or to be hurt. If anything, your patience has been amazing."

[thedeath_of_you]

"My patience?" She sighed. "It's not so much my patience as my hoping if I ignored it, it'd go away."

"I can't say I'm not a little angry at you, but getting angry at you made me angry at me, which made it all worse."

[desert_gaara]

"You have no need what so ever yo be angry at yourself. I'm not." But then, he had nothing to be angry at her for, and he was angry at himself, as well, so he could perhaps be called a hypocrite. But then, he was the one who kept on coming home so late.

"You know that I love you, yes? And that I've never meant to make you sad? Or angry?"

[thedeath_of_you]

"I know that! That's why I was angry at myself. You were never doing anything to hurt me..."

She leaned against the table in melancholy. "And now I feel like I'm just attacking you."

[desert_gaara]

"No, you are attacking yourself." This, he decided, was annoying him. But he knew better than to let that show at the moment. "Attacking me would make sense, because while I didn't mean to, I did hurt you."