The Dance of Deception - 4/5 - Chapter Four - Deception (Part Two)
Chapter Four - Deception (Part One)
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Erica slumped down into her seat, throwing her tray onto the table in front of her. Callie still hadn’t returned her calls, hadn’t replied to any of her texts and was also missing from work again today. She sat forward, cupping her face in her hands and running them through her hair. This whole mess had gone from bad to worse in the blink of an eye and it was all her fault.
Her worry that Callie might be avoiding her had now turned from slight paranoia into complete and utter distress. After she’d left work last night she’d willed with everything she could that Callie really had been ill, and that she wasn’t avoiding coming into work because she didn’t want to face her after the blonde had made her confession.
But this was the second day Callie hadn’t turned up for her shift, and the blonde knew for a fact that Callie would rather lose an arm than miss too much work. Out of the whole time that they’d been friends Callie had only ever missed work for two days, and that was because Richard had sent her home with the flu.
Erica lifted her hands to rub her face again and groaned into the darkness they created, life officially sucked.
“Someone sounds a little cranky this morning,” she immediately lifted her hands away from her face and scowled at the sight of Mark, “Anything I can do to cheer you up? And I literally mean anything,” he smirked smugly and gave her a wink.
“Do you have to sit with me Sloan? There’s loads of other free tables in this cafeteria, can’t you go sit at one of them and bother someone else.”
“Aww come on Erica,” he reached out to touch her hand and smiled when she pulled it away, “Don’t be like that.”
Mark Sloan was just another thing to add to her list of things that she could use without in her life right now. She took a deep breath and looked at him, “I’m having a bad day, so I’m asking nicely, please go and sit somewhere else.”
“A bad day?” he shook his head and let out a laugh, “Don’t you mean a bad week, you’ve been bitchy and grumpy for awhile now, and I think I know why.”
She watched a smug smile form on his lips, “You don’t know anything about me or my life Sloan, so leave it alone,” she hissed in frustration.
“Of course I know about you,” he shrugged, “Well a little anyway. You’re blonde, blue eyed, bad attitude, sexy as hell and really you just want to spend the night with me while I-”
Erica pushed her chair from the table, “That’s it, I’m leaving. You’re a disgusting ape of a man and I wouldn’t sleep with you if you were the last guy on earth.”
Mark laughed and stood quickly, reaching out and grabbing her arm, “I’m just joking, relax Hahn,” he tugged at her gently until she sat back down, “Seriously though, what’s going on Erica? Are you and Callie still having your lover’s tiff? I know I haven’t seen her in for the last couple of days, so whatever you did to her must have been pretty bad if she’s avoiding work just so that she doesn’t have to see you.”
Erica pushed her chair back in anger, how dare he speak to her like he knew exactly what was going on between them. This whole thing was just a game to him and he was enjoying winding her up, “Fuck you Sloan.”
She stormed from the cafeteria in such a hurry that she felt her vision blur, she was so livid that it didn’t occur to her to look where she was going. As she blindly rounded the corner Erica felt the air leave her lunges and was grateful that whoever she’d bumped into had reached out and grabbed her, otherwise the force of their blow would have knocked her off her feet.
“I’m so sorry Dr Hahn, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Cristina swiftly removed her hand off of Erica’s arm as if touching the woman physically burnt her skin, “Are you okay?”
Erica nodded, “It’s okay Yang, it wasn’t your fault; I was the one who was storming through the hospital like a juvenile idiot,” she rubbed at her chest.
Cristina studied her for a second, noticing for the first time how truly tired and upset the blonde woman looked. She knew that asking would probably get her kicked off cardio for months, and yet she still felt compelled to ask, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Erica felt the sudden overwhelming reason to cry and ripped her eyes down to the floor, biting her bottom lip and willing all of the hurt and pain to leave her body. She felt Cristina reach out and rub her arm, trying to offer comfort and let out a half laugh as she lifted her watery gaze back to the younger doctor, “How ridiculous is it, that I’m having the worst week of my entire life and the one person who’s asking me if I’m okay is the one person who can’t stand me.”
Cristina smiled a little, “It’s a little weird, I must admit,” she nodded her head towards the coffee cart, “Let me buy you a coffee Dr Hahn,” Erica opened her mouth to protest, feeling stupid and embarrassed by her inability to hide her emotion, but instead felt herself being dragged towards the coffee cart.
Erica took the coffee that Yang handed to her and took a long sip; the younger woman was staring at her as if she was awaiting some kind of explanation, “I’m sorry about this Yang,” the blonde lifted her hand to her face, snivelling as she hurried to wipe away the tears escaping her eyes.
Cristina looked away briefly, giving the older woman a few seconds to compose herself before turning back to her, “Look, this really isn’t any of my business, and not to mention it’s definitely not my place to say but...”
“But?” Erica prompted, looking at her questioningly.
“Is this about your fight with Callie?” She let out a deep breath as the words left her mouth and tried desperately to figure out the unreadable expression in Erica’s blue eyes, “I’m sorry, that was totally inappropriate, I never should have asked.”
Erica felt a pang in her chest and a lump forming in her throat but immediately pushed it down, “Don’t be sorry Yang,” she offered her a smile, “Never apologise for something that you know without doubt that you’re right about.”
“So it is about Callie?”
The blonde nodded, “How is she? She’s not retuning any of my calls and I don’t-” Erica stopped herself, “I just want to know if she’s okay?”
Cristina nodded, “Callie’s fine. She’s lying in bed at the apartment faking an illness,” she saw Erica wince and continued, “But I get the impression that really she’s just sulking about your fight,” Cristina reached down and grabbed her pager, “I’m sorry but I have to go, it’s Bailey,” Erica nodded in response and gave her a small smile as she hurried down the stairs; maybe Yang wasn’t so bad after all.
Erica headed to the locker room and grabbed her things; luckily she didn’t have any surgeries booked for that afternoon, and the way she was feeling today, she’d be glad to leave the hospital as soon as possible.
As soon as she was home, she dumped her things down on the floor and grabbed hold of the house phone, dialling the number to Callie and Cristina’s apartment off by heart and lifting the receiver to her ear. She breathed in and out deeply as each murmur of ringing filled her ears, and she willed Callie to pick up, since she knew she was home.
“Hey,” the blonde felt her heart swell at the sound of Callie’s voice and opened her mouth to respond, “You’ve reached Callie and Cristina, unfortunately we’re not home at the moment, so please leave us your name and number and we’ll get straight back to you.”
Erica couldn’t help the tears from flooding out of her eyes as she disconnected her call and placed the phone back on the stand. Callie was completely ignoring her home phone, which meant that she wasn’t even willing to risk answering in case the blonde’s voice came through the line.
Erica slumped down the wall, and pulled her legs up to her chest, sobbing into her hands; she was missing her best friend like crazy, and everything that had lead them to this point was her fault; she felt completely defeated and utterly alone.
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Callie turned onto her side again, mumbling a curse into the air as she fidgeted, trying to get comfortable. She’d spent the day in bed again, hiding away from all of her problems, especially the problems that came in an Erica Hahn shape.
Suddenly she felt the cool air hit her skin as the bed cover was abruptly pulled away from her body, “Hey!” she shot Cristina an evil look and tugged at the sheet, “What the hell are you doing Cristina?!”
Cristina tugged harder at the sheet until she pulled if free from Callie’s grasp, “Look Torres, you need to get your pathetic ass out of bed and go and talk to Hahn right now-”
“This is nothing to do with you!”
“Wrong! This stupid fight of yours is getting way out of hand Callie,” she took a breath to calm her breathing, “She talked to me today, like actually talked to me without any yelling or belittling comments... and she was all sad and... and weepy!” she took in the surprise on her roommate’s face before continuing, “She’s a mess Callie, I’ve never seen anyone look as pained as Hahn did today. It was freaky,” she shuddered at the memory and gave Callie a stern look, “So, you need to go and fix this, because I can’t handle crying Hahn. I miss her being bad assed and bitchy and well... Hahn like!” she grabbed Callie’s feet and pushed them out of the bed, “So get up and go and sort whatever is going on between you out; fix it, whatever the cost.”
Callie watched Cristina turn on her heel and leave her room, slamming the door behind her on her way out. She couldn’t believe that Erica had talked to Cristina, her best friend didn’t hate her roommate but Cristina’s over eager, ass kissing approach to surgery drove the blonde doctor to distraction; to think of Erica getting over her dislike for Cristina enough to cry in front of her was such a painful thought that Callie couldn’t comprehend it at all... and knowing that she was the reason behind Erica’s vulnerability and hurt was killing her.
Callie moved from the bed and frantically searched for her jeans, she knew she had to do something, Cristina was right, this couldn’t go on any longer, and she had to be the one to make the next move. Erica had taken a chance and put herself out there, and now, it was her time to do the same.
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Erica lifted her head from its resting place on the couch and listened carefully, she was pretty sure she’d heard her doorbell ring, but not many people other than Callie knew where she lived, and there was no way the dark-haired woman would be ringing at her door. After a few seconds of pure silence she glimpsed back at the TV and shook her head, she must have been imaging the whole thing; there wasn’t anyone at her door.
The piercing sound of the doorbell filled the living room and this time was followed by a chorus of knocks. Erica slowly pushed herself up from the couch, if this was some salesman trying to sell her something at, she glanced at the clock as she headed towards the door - 10.43pm - she was going to burst into a flaming rage; all she wanted to do tonight, was be left alone to her wallowing.
Without bothering to look through the peep-hole, Erica grabbed held of the handle and swung the door open, ready to tell whoever was on the other side to leave her alone. Her brain stopped mid thought and her mouth opened and closed a couple of times like a goldfish when she caught sight of her dark-haired best friend standing in front of her, her gaze skittish, and her body hunched up nervously.
“Hey...” Callie couldn’t help but take in the sight of the blonde before her, she was dressed in a pair of old grey sweats, with her favourite old black t-shirt with a picture of snoopy on; her hair looked ruffled, in that adorable way that bed head did, and her crystal blue eyes were hidden behind her thick, black, square-rimmed glasses. The dark-haired woman didn’t fail to notice the puffiness surrounding those blue eyes she knew so well, an obvious sign of the tears that had been cried.
Erica let out a breath as Callie’s dark eyes locked onto hers, “What are you doing here Callie? What do you want?”
Callie understood the hint of anger mixed in with the hurt that was laced in Erica’s voice, but she couldn’t help but want to take it all away, “When I left here the other night, after you said- after you said what you did,” she noticed the blonde glance away from her and took a slight step forward, willing blue eyes to meet her own; when they finally did, she continued, “I drove around in the rain for hours. I kept replaying that night over and over again in my head, trying to make sense of it all,” she noticed the blonde take a step back and reached out to touch her arm.
“Cal-”
Callie ignored the blonde’s pleading tone, “But I realised then that the answer wasn’t in the sex,” she grasped Erica’s hand and begged with her eyes for the blonde to just listen to her, “The answer was in us; in our friendship. It’s always been there, hasn’t it? This unspoken attraction that’s never acted on or acknowledged because we’re too afraid that we’ll ruin our friendship if we do-”
“It’s already ruined,” Erica dropped her eyes to the floor and tried to pull her hand away, but the younger woman wouldn’t let her.
“No it’s not; you know that’s not true. Erica look at me,” she waited until the blonde’s teary blue eyes settled back on her own before giving her a small smile, “We both know that you’re just saying that because you’re scared of what will happen if we stop pretending that acting on our feelings will destroy us-”
“Cal-”
“I’m done with being scared Erica,” she felt tears building in her eyes and let out a deep breath, “I’m tired of pretending that what I feel for you is just friendship. I’m crazy about you Erica, and I know that you’re crazy about me,” she smiled when she saw a look of confusion flicker through blue eyes, “I want us to have our shot, because leaving what we have unexplored is the worst thing we could ever do, and I know that I’ll regret it every single day of my life if we don’t. I want to be with you Erica,” she saw the blonde’s expression soften and ran her thumb over her knuckles, “All you have to do is say that you want to be with me too?”
Erica felt more tears escaping her eyes as the meaning behind Callie’s words truly hit her. She let a small smile grace her lips, “You don’t need me to answer Cal; you should already know what I want.”
Callie broke out into a beautiful smile and tugged at the blonde’s hand at the same time that she took a step forward; her hand going to Erica’s cheek as she sealed their new beginning with a slow, gentle kiss.
Callie pulled away; loving the stunning smile that had crept into the blonde’s face and pulled her into her arms; holding her as close as possible and breathing her in, “God I’ve missed you,” she breathed out against the skin of Erica’s neck and brushed a kiss against the spot her lips were resting.
“I’ve missed you too, so much Callie,” she moved back in Callie’s arms, only further enough to lock their eyes. The intense look she received made her chest swell in affection and she let out a nervous breath as she looked down at herself; lifting a hand to wipe at her eyes, “I wish you’d warned me that you were coming, I look like crap.”
Callie immediately noticed the blonde’s shyness and reached out to tuck a piece of stray hair behind her ear, “That’s funny, because I was just thinking that you’ve never looked more beautiful.”
The blonde chuckled, “You must have really low standards then Cal. I mean look at me, I’m wearing sweats, an old t-shirt and my reading glasses; I look like shit.”
Callie couldn’t help herself; she flashed the blonde a smile and grabbed at her t-shirt; pulling her forward and crushing their lips together. She moaned into Erica’s mouth when the older woman nipped at her bottom lip and easily slid their tongues together; kissing Erica Hahn sober was way better than kissing her drunk.
Erica still looked a little shy when they pulled back and Callie realised that she liked this new side to her best friend, turned something more, “I think you look cute in your glasses,” she placed another kiss on the blonde’s lips, “Sexy as hell actually.”
Erica moved to drape her arms around the younger woman’s neck and smirked, “Since when do you have a thing for girls in glasses Torres?”
Callie shook her head, “I don’t; not for girls in glasses, only the one,” she dipped her head forward and captured the blonde’s lips again, “Aren’t you going to invite me in Hahn? It’s kind of cold out here and we need to make up on a lot of lost time.”
Erica took a step back, moving out of Callie’s arms and holding out her hand; when the dark-haired woman linked their fingers together the blonde led them into the living room. Callie tugged at her hand and she turned to face her with a questioning expression.
“What’s up?” she mentally held her breath, preparing herself in case Callie changed her mind.
Callie looked at the TV and then back at her, “Were you watching the second batman movie without me?” Erica smirked and nodded her head, “Oh that’s so not allowed Hahn and you know it. Superhero films are my thing, you have to watch them with me.”
Erica watched as Callie moved onto the couch, and patted the spot between her legs, “Get over here already, I want to watch the film,” Erica rolled her eyes and moved timidly to sit between Callie’s outstretched legs; the younger woman instantly pulling her back against her chest and wrapping her arms tightly around her, holding her close.
Callie nuzzled the side of Erica’s neck, placing gentle kisses, before lifting her lips to her ears, “I’m sorry it took me so long to come to you. You know me; I had to go through my little freak out first before I could see how I truly felt,” she felt Erica’s arms move to cover her own and kissed her neck again, “I always knew Erica, I’m sorry I was so scared.”
Erica looked back at her over her shoulder, “Don’t be, I’m the one that should be sorry, I was so terrified that I freaked out and threw you out all in the space of a couple of hours,” Callie smiled in amusement, “I’m really glad that you’re here now Callie.”
“So am I. I’m glad we finally made it here together,” She let Erica shift in her arms and kiss her properly before they snuggled down together to watch batman.
Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, and you watch every single movement of the dance carefully, if you focus on what each step, twirl, and spin means, you can see past the distraction they create with their endless rotations of deception and see what really lies behind it all; the truth.