A New Shade of Hope 1/1 (Callie/Arizona)
*Pokes head into fandom tentatively* Hey everyone, I’m sure a few of you will know me from writing Callica fics, but after finding Arizona completely endearing during the last episode, I found myself liking the idea of her with Callie, and well, I thought I’d offer a little peace offering to the Calzona fans from me, just so you know that not all of us Callica fans are upset by Callie moving on. Anyway, enough of me rambling on, I’m a little nervous about this one, but I hope you like it :)
A New Shade of Hope
Hope...
It’s that little four lettered word that’s supposed to encourage you to keep your head held high no matter what the circumstances are. It’s a word spoken in good gesture when people will the best for you, anticipating that eventually, the world will keep spinning on its axis and land back in line, right where it was always meant to be.
Hope, Callie thought, was highly overrated. When she was younger, she found it endearing, like it offered her the illusion of the happy ending. But now as an adult, at the tender age of thirty four, she knew better than to pin all of her last wishes on hope.
When she’d first met George, she’d hoped indefinitely that he would be the one. She had let her imagination travel back to the childhood dream of being the princess who found their perfect prince charming. For awhile, hope had been all that she’d had to hold onto in their relationship; she’d hoped with all of her heart, that when she told him that she loved him that he would pull her close and whisper it back. She had hoped that when he proposed to her, that it hadn’t been out of hurt and denial over his father’s death, but instead because he genuinely wanted to spend his life with her. And when he confessed about his affair with Izzie Stevens, she had hoped that he would see it as the biggest regret he had ever made, that he would beg for her forgiveness, for a chance to make their marriage right.
He hadn’t done any of those things, and each time that he let her down, all of the hope that she’d been counting on dropped her closer to the ground, until finally she was face down in the dirt, all without a second look.
And then there’d been Erica. Callie felt her chest tighten a little and immediately pushed it away. With Erica things had been different than with George but she’d still retreated back into her desperate fantasy that hope would win out. Unfortunately she’d been wrong that time too; she’d hoped for something that she couldn’t have because she wasn’t ready, and in the process had hurt her best friend badly enough that she’d walked out of her life forever.
Callie picked up the shot in front of her on the bar and tossed the fiery liquid into her mouth, savouring the bitter flavour for a half a second before letting it burn a pathway down her throat and into her stomach.
It was days like these when she really wanted to kick hope’s ass. She was sitting alone, after a long shift at the hospital and the only thoughts running currently through her mind were of every person that she worked with, each of them in their own little bubbles of happiness and love; hope was finally working out for some people and she found herself resenting it entirely.
She felt the presence of a person sliding into the seat next to her own and turned her head to see Lexie Grey, just perfect.
“Hey, mind if I sit here?”
“No... I’m just over thinking...” Callie shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to dispel all of the thoughts in her head and downed another shot.
Lexie was a nice girl, she rambled a lot and she was kind of all over the place but for some reason she was strangely fond of her.
And so was Mark Sloan. Callie heard her own voice laughing in her head at the mere thought of Mark liking anyone for another reason than sex. She’d lost out on him as her sex buddy, and she wasn’t complaining, her head was perfectly clear for the first time in months and she knew that really that the problem was resentment for hope and her lingering loneliness.
There was no more time to suffer through messy thoughts of her marriage and there was definitely no more need for endless thoughts of confusion and panicking about whether her sexuality was actually straight or not; after all, both, along with her expectations of hope, had gotten her nowhere.
It was hard, hearing about how Derek Sheppard was planning to propose to Meredith Grey, it was hard hearing that Cristina had finally moved on from Burke and was making an attempt with Owen Hunt, and it was hard knowing that the only doctor at Seattle Grace that people thought would never settle down, was actually falling for the young girl sitting next to her.
A beat of silence passed between them before Lexie shifted in her seat and found Callie’s eyes, “You think he’ll tell him?”
Callie knew that she’d told Lexie earlier that she couldn’t be her confidant when it came to Mark, but at the same time she understood the younger woman’s need to talk to someone who wasn’t part of the relationship, someone unbiased, with a clear view; unfortunately that well needed confidant was her and she couldn’t take away somebody else’s hope, “If he’s not an idiot,” as she spoke the words she knew them to be true, she’d been an idiot enough recently to know that wasting time hiding the truth away about how you felt for somebody was pointless, and in the end only cost you further unhappiness.
Lexie caught sight of the tears brimming behind the Ortho resident’s eyes, “Are you okay?”
Callie knew she was only asking because it was in her kind nature and not because she wished to cause further pain by making the past more vivid; she averted her gaze and shook her head, “Erm... erm...I don’t- I’m fine.”
Callie pushed herself up from her stool and hurried away from the crowded bar, seeking what little comfort she could in the quiet of the ladies restroom. She grabbed a piece of toilet paper and moved to stare back at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. As she dabbed the tears away from her eyes she wondered exactly at what point in her life did the world decide to give up hope on her, at what point did it decide that she would stay knocked down and defeated.
She didn’t register the sound of the door opening and clicking shut again, didn’t take any notice of the pretty blonde standing behind her until the sound of a gentle voice reached her ears.
“Hey.”
Callie looked over her reflection’s shoulder and caught her first real glimpse of the woman behind her, “Hey...”
“Ortho right?”
“Yeah, right. Hi,” Callie continued wiping at her eyes, wishing that this friendly stranger would leave her alone so that she could just have a minute to herself.
“I’m Arizona Robbins, Peds’ surgery. I’ve seen you at the hospital...” she trailed off a bit, realising that the tears she’d noticed in the bar weren’t quite as dried up as she thought, “Are you okay?”
Callie caught the change of tone in the woman’s voice and turned to face her, gesturing dismissively, “You know, I’m fine... I’m fine, I’m-”
“People talk. Where we work, they talk; A lot,” she glanced off into the distance and shook her head at the thought of the endless gossip before returning her eyes to the dark-haired woman in front of her, “So for the sake of being honest I think I should tell you that I know things about you,” she glanced away again briefly before offering Callie a small smile and letting out an amused breath, “Because people talk.”
Callie’s eyes narrowed as the meaning behind Arizona’s words sank in, “Oh, you mean?” the blonde nodded a little to affirm her thoughts, “Terrific...” Callie lowered her voice and dropped her gaze to the floor; the gossip mill of Seattle Grace was sharing out her private life once again among its eager staff.
“It is actually; the talk,” she bopped her knees a little until Callie’s dark eyes lifted back up to meet her own, “People really like you over there, they respect you, and they’re concerned, and interested... they really like you,” she paused for a moment, seemingly thinking over her next words as Callie watched her from her position of leaning against the sink, “Some of them really like you,” she dropped her voice and let out a nervous breath, “You just, you look upset, and I thought that you should know that the talk is good,” she offered Callie a reassuring smile, “And when you’re not upset, when you’re over being upset, there will be people lining up for you,” she nodded her head as Callie studied her, as if not only to reassure the dark-haired woman of her words, but also herself.
Callie let out a laugh, as if what the blonde was saying was the most ridiculous thing ever, “You want to give me some names?”
Arizona stared at her with a flicker of disbelief flashing through her eyes before tilting her head to the side; taking a step forward she glided her fingers across Callie’s soft skin, cupping her cheek carefully in her hand and pressing their lips together in a lingering kiss full of answers. Pulling back she dropped her hand and held Callie’s curious gaze, “I think you’ll know,” she waited until a smile of realisation crossed the other woman’s lips before letting out a playful laugh and taking a couple of backward steps towards the door as she held her eyes and smile.
Callie watched Arizona pull open the door and disappear back into the bar, leaving her alone with a massive smile on her face; it was funny how things could go from bad one minute to looking pretty good the next.
She counted to one hundred before taking a deep shaky breath and letting herself wander back into the bar. She eased behind Arizona, ignoring the woman’s eyes on her body as she passed, but never letting the smile slip from her face.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lexie asked when she’d settled back into her seat.
Callie turned to give the young woman a smile and nodded her head, “Yeah,” she glanced over at Arizona and caught the blonde’s woman’s eyes, “I will be,” she flashed her a smile before dropping her eyes away.
It was funny really, just when she felt ready to give up on hope, it crept back into her life and gave her something to smile at, even if it was only for a little while.