TO LOVE SOMEONE
Written for the Gift Challenge at merlin_land
Summary: Morgana tries to help Merlin through the pain of Arthur getting married.
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, Merlin/Morgana
Genre: Modern AU
Rating: PG (suggestion only)
Word Count: ~3000
TO LOVE SOMEONE
Morgana helped Merlin ride out his release before allowing her own pleasure to culminate and let loose.
Merlin gently rolled off, lying on his side, facing away from her. Morgana snuggled up to his back, wrapping her arms around him, cupping her hands tightly to his chest. She brushed a kiss to the back of his neck, and then trailed her lips across his shoulders.
“You thinking about him?” she asked, the words a whisper.
Merlin shuffled around to face her, his facial features soft, his lips spread into a rueful smile. Morgana never got tired of Merlin’s smile - even a half-hearted one - and it was always so hard not to fall into the blue depths of his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Merlin said and she knew he meant it. “I just--” He faltered for a moment. “I just can’t let him go, Morgana.”
Morgana knew she was Merlin’s substitute for Arthur but she hoped that, in time and with enough love given, Merlin would forget about her step-brother and would work toward a life with her.
“He’s going to marry Vivian, Merlin. You know he is.”
“I know,” Merlin murmured softly.
“And whatever is between you, he will push aside for the sake of a successful marriage.”
“I know.”
They both knew that whatever Arthur set his mind to do, he would. And that included marrying the daughter of his father’s good friend, Olaf, even if his heart belonged to someone else.
Morgana wished she didn’t have to continue, but knew it was necessary. “You have to move on, Merlin,” she told him, not allowing herself to look at the hurt she knew would be reflected in Merlin’s beautiful eyes. “It’s what Arthur wants.”
“I know,” Merlin said, his voice reflecting that hurt.
It was what Morgana wanted too. She wanted Merlin to be hers - all hers - and that would never happen unless Merlin could find a way to stop loving Arthur and move on. This would be difficult for Merlin but Morgana was willing to do everything she could to help him get through this.
Merlin sighed. “You’re going to take care of things for the wedding for me, right? I don’t think I’m up to pretending to be happy for Arthur. I can’t even face him, Morgana. I’m afraid if I see him, I’m never going to let him go.”
She brushed a kiss to Merlin’s forehead and snuggled into the warmth of his body. “Of course I’ll take care of everything, love,” she said, hoping that her love and support would at least chase some of the hurt away.
~~~~~
On Wednesday, Morgana stopped by the Pendragon mansion to pick up Merlin’s tux and to confirm details for the wedding on Sunday.
Merlin was, of course, Arthur’s best man. And though it seemed logical to everyone else - Uther, for one - that Arthur had asked Merlin to be by his side when he married Vivian, Morgana thought it was rather shitty on Arthur’s part to expect Merlin - who loved him beyond words - to support his marriage by agreeing to be his best man. Of course, not wanting to cause a rift between them, Merlin had agreed. Still, he was reluctant to be involved in the planning or details and this was why he had asked Morgana to take care of things for him.
“I thought Merlin would be coming to get his own tux,” Arthur commented when he saw Morgana.
“He’s really busy,” Morgana said as an excuse, though she knew Arthur wouldn’t buy it. He knew Merlin was purposely avoiding him.
“I’m sure he is,” Arthur remarked churlishly.
“Arthur, you can’t honestly expect him to be enthusiastic about your upcoming wedding,” Morgana said with a huff. “So I’m going to take care of everything for him.”
Arthur laughed harshly. “Of course, there’s no self-serving motive here for you, is there?” He looked hard at Morgana. “Or are we going to pretend you’re not sleeping with the man I love?”
“That’s not fair, Arthur,” Morgana retorted. “I love Merlin too.”
Arthur smiled but it was void of warmth. “But I’m the one Merlin loves, Morgana.”
Morgana hitched her chin up. “And you’ve broken his heart, Arthur!” she reminded him. “You don’t have to marry Vivian.”
Arthur shook his head and Morgana was surprised to see the tears welling up in his eyes. “You know I do, Morgana,” he said to her. “I can’t be with Merlin - no matter how much I want to.”
“It’s your choice,” Morgana told him but she understood what Arthur meant. It was true that Arthur was an independent young man who was free to make any choice he wanted. But, it was also true that he was raised by a father who expected certain things of him and Arthur had spent his entire young life trying to please Uther, to make his father proud. Morgana understood the pressure Arthur felt - she sometimes felt it, too. Uther wanted Pendragon heirs and he wasn’t going to get them if Arthur chose Merlin. Still, it bothered Morgana that Arthur would choose to give up Merlin, hurting both of them in the process, for the sake of pleasing their father. Surely, love was powerful enough to triumph over that?
Arthur said nothing as he handed Morgana the bag containing Merlin’s tux and accessories.
“Don’t forget to remind Merlin about the rehearsal party on Friday,” Arthur told her as she carried the bagged tux to her car.
Morgana flashed him her best smile. “We’ll be there, Arthur,” she assured him.
~~~~~
As it turned out, Morgana was on time for the rehearsal party hosted by her step-father, but an hour after the guests had arrived, there was still no Merlin.
“Where’s Merlin?” Arthur asked, his voice squeaking with concern. He had managed to escape from Vivian and her father and had crossed the room to where Morgana was standing, alone.
“I don’t know,” Morgana answered truthfully. “He left a message saying he’d meet me here.” Morgana had a nagging feeling that Merlin had managed to dodge the rehearsal party.
Uther slid up to them, looking jovial. He clapped Arthur on the back, glancing around at the guests immediately in view. “Now where is my son’s best man?” he wondered, looking to Morgana, a definite clue that he believed Morgana and Merlin were a couple - obviously not thinking for a moment that Arthur’s best friend was - had been - his lover.
“He wasn’t feeling well and sends his regrets, I’m afraid,” Morgana fibbed, earning a surprised glance from Arthur. She had considered excusing Merlin as running late but something told her Merlin wasn’t coming.
“That’s too bad,” Uther said. “I hope he feels well for the wedding on Sunday.” Uther looked at his son. “You can’t get married without your best man,” he joked.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Morgana said quickly to help Arthur avoid having to make a response. She could tell he was upset that Merlin was not here and was feeling slightly uncomfortable with his father’s comments.
“Ah, there’s Olaf’s sister,” Uther said. He excused himself and made his way toward a tall brunette woman being greeted by Olaf.
Arthur looked at Morgana. “I thought you said you didn’t know where he was.”
“I don’t,” Morgana said, then defended, “I figured Uther would buy the ‘Merlin isn’t feeling well’ story better than ‘Merlin is missing because he’s heartbroken that the man he loves is getting married’ one.”
Arthur was about to return some surly retort when Morgana’s mobile chirped. It was Merlin.
“Where are you?” she breathed into the phone.
There was a pause and then Merlin, slurring his words somewhat, asked “Can you come get me?”
Arthur was close, hovering, trying to hear the conversation on Merlin’s end. “Let me talk to him,” he said, reaching for Morgana’s phone. Morgana pushed his hands away and moved out of his grasp. Arthur scowled at her.
“Of course,” she told Merlin. “Tell me where.”
Merlin managed to relate that he would be waiting outside a pub Morgana was familiar with. She had no doubt that Merlin had been at that pub since he had left work today, attempting to drink away his misery.
She closed her phone and rummaged through her handbag for her car keys. Arthur’s eyes were burning a hole through her and she wished she could avoid the questions he was about to bombard her with.
“Where is he? Is he okay? Are you going to get him? Are you coming back with him? Why wouldn’t you let me talk to him? “
“Enough, Arthur!” Morgana cut him off. “I’m going to get Merlin right now and take him home with me. He isn’t in any condition to come here tonight.”
“He’s drunk,” Arthur said, understanding. Morgana thought the look on Arthur’s face was actually guilt, which was appropriate because Arthur was the reason Merlin had been drinking. “What am I supposed to tell my father?”
Morgana let out a tired sigh. “Tell Uther that Merlin is sick,” she said, “and that he needs me to take care of him.” She tapped Arthur’s cheek. “And get back to your bride-to-be. It’s your party, remember?”
“Morgana,” Arthur said as she prepared to leave. “Call me when you get him home safely - please.”
~~~~~
To his credit, Merlin waited until they were safely behind the door of Morgana’s flat before he broke down completely.
He sobbed, mumbling about how much he loved Arthur and how he couldn’t live without him. Then his sobbing turned into anger and he shouted incoherent invectives concerning Arthur’s duty to his family and how he always did things just to please his father.
“He’s selfish, Morgana! So selfish! I love him and he just pushed me away to marry that bitch! He doesn’t love her! He loves me!” Merlin began sobbing again. “I love him, Morgana. God help me, I love him so much...”
Morgana hugged Merlin close and tried to soothe him. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry.”
She managed to convince Merlin to lie down in her bed, where he could do his sobbing more comfortably. She lay with him and held him for a while as he cried, feeling as emotionally wrought as Merlin. His pain was her pain. Finally, Merlin relaxed some, and Morgana excused herself, telling Merlin she would get him a glass of water.
She rang Arthur on her cell phone as she filled a glass with cold water.
“What took you so long to call?” Arthur barked when he answered. “I’ve been out of my mind with worry, Morgana.”
“Merlin’s okay, Arthur,” she said quietly into the phone. She didn’t want to risk Merlin overhearing. “He’s an emotional wreck right now but he’ll be okay.”
“Can I talk to him?” Arthur asked, hesitant, knowing what Morgana’s answer would likely be.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Morgana said. “He’s safe. He’s with me. That’s all you need to know.” She clicked the phone shut before Arthur could argue.
She carried the glass of water into the bedroom and held it out for Merlin. He drank greedily, parched from both the drinking and the sobbing.
“Thanks,” Merlin said, smiling at her and Morgana’s heart melted. “You’re so good to me, Morgana. What would I do without you?”
Morgana returned his smile. Then she slipped off her dress and crawled into the bed with Merlin, hugging him close. “Are you going to be okay?” she asked softly.
Merlin nodded. “I’ll be at the wedding on Sunday, if that’s what you’re worried about. I won’t let Arthur down.”
Morgana brushed his hair with her fingers and softly kissed his cheek. “I know you won’t. Now go to sleep, Merlin.
~~~~~
The clock read a quarter to seven when she heard the light knocking at her door. At this hour, it could be only one person. Morgana looked at Merlin. He was still sleeping soundly, oblivious to the knocking. She slid out of bed and reached for her robe. Then she padded to the door and pulled it open, not bothering to even look through the peephole.
As expected, it was Arthur.
“I want to see him, Morgana.” Arthur looked completely wrecked, desperate. Morgana doubted that he had even slept.
“No,” she said as strongly as she could. “He hurts, Arthur.”
“I hurt too.”
“I know you do. But you’re the one who made this decision and you have to live with it. You can’t keep stringing Merlin along. His heart can’t take it.”
“I don’t know if my heart can take not being with him.” Arthur raked a hand through his hair. “Is he sleeping?” he asked. “Will you let me just look at him for a moment? Please.”
Morgana wanted to tell Arthur ‘no’, but the pining tone of her step-brother’s request and Merlin’s earlier sobbing wrenched her heart so that she let Arthur peek inside her bedroom door to look at Merlin, still sound asleep.
Arthur just stood there, leaning against the door frame, gazing at Merlin. Then, apparently having his fill, he turned abruptly and let himself out Morgana’s flat.
~~~~~
Merlin was adjusting Arthur’s shirt collar and bow tie, and Morgana could plainly see both the utter love and the deep sorrow etched into his face. Arthur was returning Merlin’s look with one of intense love and longing, with a plea for forgiveness in his expression. He touched Merlin’s cheek, then pulled his face to his, resting cheek against cheek. Morgana’s heart swelled and then broke.
There was no denying that they were deeply in love with each other. Morgana knew Arthur loved Merlin with all his heart and that marrying Vivian was something he thought he had to do, even though his heart belonged - would always belong - to Merlin. And she knew Merlin - dear, sweet Merlin - loved Arthur, would always love Arthur. Merlin would never let Arthur go from his heart, no matter how much time passed or how much love and affection she gave him.
“It’s time,” she announced softly, reluctant to break the moment.
The two broke apart reluctantly, their bodies slumping, weary, expressing how much they both did not want this wedding to happen. They exited through the sidedoor to the garden, their hands touching, grasping, and then dropping apart as they made their way to the gazebo where the ceremony was to take place.
Morgana followed them into the garden, hurriedly taking her place beside her step-father, who was gazing proudly at his son on his wedding day.
She knew what she had to do.
The harpist began to play as Vivian, a beautiful sight in her elegant gown, started up the path to the gazebo to meet her groom. Morgana leaned into her step-father and whispered, “Arthur can’t marry Vivian, Uther. He doesn’t love her.”
Uther looked at her with surprise, a frown at his mouth. “What do you mean he doesn’t love her?”
“He loves someone else.”
“Who?” Uther queried, his brows pinching together. “Who does Arthur love?”
Morgana swallowed and took a deep breath. “Merlin,” she said. “He loves Merlin. He has always loved Merlin. And he will always love Merlin.”
Uther considered her for a moment. “If he loves Merlin, why is he marrying Vivian?”
“Because he thinks it is what you want,” Morgana told him. “For him to marry, to have an heir.”
The sound of the harp filled Uther’s momentary silence. “And what about you, Morgana?” Uther asked.
“Me?”
“I thought you and Merlin were...”
“I love Merlin,” Morgana said, “but Merlin loves Arthur.” She met Uther’s eyes, trying to keep her own from spilling over. “I want Merlin to be happy,” she told him. “And he isn’t going to be happy unless he’s with Arthur.”
Vivian had made her way to the gazebo where Arthur and Merlin were waiting. Arthur held out his hand to her and she took it, smiling.
Uther stood suddenly and shouted, “Stop!”
All eyes turned toward him - Vivian’s surprised, Olaf’s narrowed, Arthur’s searching, Merlin’s hopeful. Olaf and his wife got up from their seats.
“What is the meaning of this, Uther?” Olaf demanded.
“I’m afraid my son cannot marry your daughter,” Uther announced, which caused a fair amount of murmuring to start among the guests.
“Why the hell not?” Olaf wanted to know.
“Because Arthur does not love her,” Uther proclaimed, looking completely in control of the situation, as Morgana knew he would be. “He loves someone else.”
“Who?” Olaf questioned, looking around for the potential object of Arthur’s affection, by-passing Merlin completely.
“Merlin,” Uther said.
“Merlin?” Olaf and his wife both squawked.
“Merlin?” Vivian followed with a squeak.
Murmurs of “Merlin?” floated through the group of gathered guests.
“Merlin,” Arthur confirmed softly, looking first to his father for acceptance then to Morgana with silent gratitude. Uther nodded at his son, signalling his support. Arthur turned to Vivian and said, “I am sorry, Vivian. But my father is right. I can’t marry you. I love Merlin.”
Vivian’s expression went from surprise to shock to humiliation to anger. Then she rushed from the garden, her parents following in her wake.
Arthur and Merlin hugged each other close. They were in their own little world, oblivious to the chaos and gossip floating around them. Despite the deep ache in her chest, Morgana was happy for them, happy for Merlin.
Merlin caught her eye and smiled. He whispered something to Arthur, who reluctantly let go of him, and made his way over to Morgana.
“Thank you, Morgana,” Merlin said, his blue eyes shining with deep affection. “I know you wished it could have been different for us.”
Morgana touched his cheek. “We can’t help who we love, Merlin.”
Merlin knew she loved him. “No,” he said softly, kindly. “We can’t.” Merlin squeezed her hand and flashed his beautiful smile again before returning to Arthur, the one he would always love.
THE END
Summary: Morgana tries to help Merlin through the pain of Arthur getting married.
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin, Merlin/Morgana
Genre: Modern AU
Rating: PG (suggestion only)
Word Count: ~3000
TO LOVE SOMEONE
Morgana helped Merlin ride out his release before allowing her own pleasure to culminate and let loose.
Merlin gently rolled off, lying on his side, facing away from her. Morgana snuggled up to his back, wrapping her arms around him, cupping her hands tightly to his chest. She brushed a kiss to the back of his neck, and then trailed her lips across his shoulders.
“You thinking about him?” she asked, the words a whisper.
Merlin shuffled around to face her, his facial features soft, his lips spread into a rueful smile. Morgana never got tired of Merlin’s smile - even a half-hearted one - and it was always so hard not to fall into the blue depths of his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Merlin said and she knew he meant it. “I just--” He faltered for a moment. “I just can’t let him go, Morgana.”
Morgana knew she was Merlin’s substitute for Arthur but she hoped that, in time and with enough love given, Merlin would forget about her step-brother and would work toward a life with her.
“He’s going to marry Vivian, Merlin. You know he is.”
“I know,” Merlin murmured softly.
“And whatever is between you, he will push aside for the sake of a successful marriage.”
“I know.”
They both knew that whatever Arthur set his mind to do, he would. And that included marrying the daughter of his father’s good friend, Olaf, even if his heart belonged to someone else.
Morgana wished she didn’t have to continue, but knew it was necessary. “You have to move on, Merlin,” she told him, not allowing herself to look at the hurt she knew would be reflected in Merlin’s beautiful eyes. “It’s what Arthur wants.”
“I know,” Merlin said, his voice reflecting that hurt.
It was what Morgana wanted too. She wanted Merlin to be hers - all hers - and that would never happen unless Merlin could find a way to stop loving Arthur and move on. This would be difficult for Merlin but Morgana was willing to do everything she could to help him get through this.
Merlin sighed. “You’re going to take care of things for the wedding for me, right? I don’t think I’m up to pretending to be happy for Arthur. I can’t even face him, Morgana. I’m afraid if I see him, I’m never going to let him go.”
She brushed a kiss to Merlin’s forehead and snuggled into the warmth of his body. “Of course I’ll take care of everything, love,” she said, hoping that her love and support would at least chase some of the hurt away.
~~~~~
On Wednesday, Morgana stopped by the Pendragon mansion to pick up Merlin’s tux and to confirm details for the wedding on Sunday.
Merlin was, of course, Arthur’s best man. And though it seemed logical to everyone else - Uther, for one - that Arthur had asked Merlin to be by his side when he married Vivian, Morgana thought it was rather shitty on Arthur’s part to expect Merlin - who loved him beyond words - to support his marriage by agreeing to be his best man. Of course, not wanting to cause a rift between them, Merlin had agreed. Still, he was reluctant to be involved in the planning or details and this was why he had asked Morgana to take care of things for him.
“I thought Merlin would be coming to get his own tux,” Arthur commented when he saw Morgana.
“He’s really busy,” Morgana said as an excuse, though she knew Arthur wouldn’t buy it. He knew Merlin was purposely avoiding him.
“I’m sure he is,” Arthur remarked churlishly.
“Arthur, you can’t honestly expect him to be enthusiastic about your upcoming wedding,” Morgana said with a huff. “So I’m going to take care of everything for him.”
Arthur laughed harshly. “Of course, there’s no self-serving motive here for you, is there?” He looked hard at Morgana. “Or are we going to pretend you’re not sleeping with the man I love?”
“That’s not fair, Arthur,” Morgana retorted. “I love Merlin too.”
Arthur smiled but it was void of warmth. “But I’m the one Merlin loves, Morgana.”
Morgana hitched her chin up. “And you’ve broken his heart, Arthur!” she reminded him. “You don’t have to marry Vivian.”
Arthur shook his head and Morgana was surprised to see the tears welling up in his eyes. “You know I do, Morgana,” he said to her. “I can’t be with Merlin - no matter how much I want to.”
“It’s your choice,” Morgana told him but she understood what Arthur meant. It was true that Arthur was an independent young man who was free to make any choice he wanted. But, it was also true that he was raised by a father who expected certain things of him and Arthur had spent his entire young life trying to please Uther, to make his father proud. Morgana understood the pressure Arthur felt - she sometimes felt it, too. Uther wanted Pendragon heirs and he wasn’t going to get them if Arthur chose Merlin. Still, it bothered Morgana that Arthur would choose to give up Merlin, hurting both of them in the process, for the sake of pleasing their father. Surely, love was powerful enough to triumph over that?
Arthur said nothing as he handed Morgana the bag containing Merlin’s tux and accessories.
“Don’t forget to remind Merlin about the rehearsal party on Friday,” Arthur told her as she carried the bagged tux to her car.
Morgana flashed him her best smile. “We’ll be there, Arthur,” she assured him.
~~~~~
As it turned out, Morgana was on time for the rehearsal party hosted by her step-father, but an hour after the guests had arrived, there was still no Merlin.
“Where’s Merlin?” Arthur asked, his voice squeaking with concern. He had managed to escape from Vivian and her father and had crossed the room to where Morgana was standing, alone.
“I don’t know,” Morgana answered truthfully. “He left a message saying he’d meet me here.” Morgana had a nagging feeling that Merlin had managed to dodge the rehearsal party.
Uther slid up to them, looking jovial. He clapped Arthur on the back, glancing around at the guests immediately in view. “Now where is my son’s best man?” he wondered, looking to Morgana, a definite clue that he believed Morgana and Merlin were a couple - obviously not thinking for a moment that Arthur’s best friend was - had been - his lover.
“He wasn’t feeling well and sends his regrets, I’m afraid,” Morgana fibbed, earning a surprised glance from Arthur. She had considered excusing Merlin as running late but something told her Merlin wasn’t coming.
“That’s too bad,” Uther said. “I hope he feels well for the wedding on Sunday.” Uther looked at his son. “You can’t get married without your best man,” he joked.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Morgana said quickly to help Arthur avoid having to make a response. She could tell he was upset that Merlin was not here and was feeling slightly uncomfortable with his father’s comments.
“Ah, there’s Olaf’s sister,” Uther said. He excused himself and made his way toward a tall brunette woman being greeted by Olaf.
Arthur looked at Morgana. “I thought you said you didn’t know where he was.”
“I don’t,” Morgana said, then defended, “I figured Uther would buy the ‘Merlin isn’t feeling well’ story better than ‘Merlin is missing because he’s heartbroken that the man he loves is getting married’ one.”
Arthur was about to return some surly retort when Morgana’s mobile chirped. It was Merlin.
“Where are you?” she breathed into the phone.
There was a pause and then Merlin, slurring his words somewhat, asked “Can you come get me?”
Arthur was close, hovering, trying to hear the conversation on Merlin’s end. “Let me talk to him,” he said, reaching for Morgana’s phone. Morgana pushed his hands away and moved out of his grasp. Arthur scowled at her.
“Of course,” she told Merlin. “Tell me where.”
Merlin managed to relate that he would be waiting outside a pub Morgana was familiar with. She had no doubt that Merlin had been at that pub since he had left work today, attempting to drink away his misery.
She closed her phone and rummaged through her handbag for her car keys. Arthur’s eyes were burning a hole through her and she wished she could avoid the questions he was about to bombard her with.
“Where is he? Is he okay? Are you going to get him? Are you coming back with him? Why wouldn’t you let me talk to him? “
“Enough, Arthur!” Morgana cut him off. “I’m going to get Merlin right now and take him home with me. He isn’t in any condition to come here tonight.”
“He’s drunk,” Arthur said, understanding. Morgana thought the look on Arthur’s face was actually guilt, which was appropriate because Arthur was the reason Merlin had been drinking. “What am I supposed to tell my father?”
Morgana let out a tired sigh. “Tell Uther that Merlin is sick,” she said, “and that he needs me to take care of him.” She tapped Arthur’s cheek. “And get back to your bride-to-be. It’s your party, remember?”
“Morgana,” Arthur said as she prepared to leave. “Call me when you get him home safely - please.”
~~~~~
To his credit, Merlin waited until they were safely behind the door of Morgana’s flat before he broke down completely.
He sobbed, mumbling about how much he loved Arthur and how he couldn’t live without him. Then his sobbing turned into anger and he shouted incoherent invectives concerning Arthur’s duty to his family and how he always did things just to please his father.
“He’s selfish, Morgana! So selfish! I love him and he just pushed me away to marry that bitch! He doesn’t love her! He loves me!” Merlin began sobbing again. “I love him, Morgana. God help me, I love him so much...”
Morgana hugged Merlin close and tried to soothe him. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry.”
She managed to convince Merlin to lie down in her bed, where he could do his sobbing more comfortably. She lay with him and held him for a while as he cried, feeling as emotionally wrought as Merlin. His pain was her pain. Finally, Merlin relaxed some, and Morgana excused herself, telling Merlin she would get him a glass of water.
She rang Arthur on her cell phone as she filled a glass with cold water.
“What took you so long to call?” Arthur barked when he answered. “I’ve been out of my mind with worry, Morgana.”
“Merlin’s okay, Arthur,” she said quietly into the phone. She didn’t want to risk Merlin overhearing. “He’s an emotional wreck right now but he’ll be okay.”
“Can I talk to him?” Arthur asked, hesitant, knowing what Morgana’s answer would likely be.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Morgana said. “He’s safe. He’s with me. That’s all you need to know.” She clicked the phone shut before Arthur could argue.
She carried the glass of water into the bedroom and held it out for Merlin. He drank greedily, parched from both the drinking and the sobbing.
“Thanks,” Merlin said, smiling at her and Morgana’s heart melted. “You’re so good to me, Morgana. What would I do without you?”
Morgana returned his smile. Then she slipped off her dress and crawled into the bed with Merlin, hugging him close. “Are you going to be okay?” she asked softly.
Merlin nodded. “I’ll be at the wedding on Sunday, if that’s what you’re worried about. I won’t let Arthur down.”
Morgana brushed his hair with her fingers and softly kissed his cheek. “I know you won’t. Now go to sleep, Merlin.
~~~~~
The clock read a quarter to seven when she heard the light knocking at her door. At this hour, it could be only one person. Morgana looked at Merlin. He was still sleeping soundly, oblivious to the knocking. She slid out of bed and reached for her robe. Then she padded to the door and pulled it open, not bothering to even look through the peephole.
As expected, it was Arthur.
“I want to see him, Morgana.” Arthur looked completely wrecked, desperate. Morgana doubted that he had even slept.
“No,” she said as strongly as she could. “He hurts, Arthur.”
“I hurt too.”
“I know you do. But you’re the one who made this decision and you have to live with it. You can’t keep stringing Merlin along. His heart can’t take it.”
“I don’t know if my heart can take not being with him.” Arthur raked a hand through his hair. “Is he sleeping?” he asked. “Will you let me just look at him for a moment? Please.”
Morgana wanted to tell Arthur ‘no’, but the pining tone of her step-brother’s request and Merlin’s earlier sobbing wrenched her heart so that she let Arthur peek inside her bedroom door to look at Merlin, still sound asleep.
Arthur just stood there, leaning against the door frame, gazing at Merlin. Then, apparently having his fill, he turned abruptly and let himself out Morgana’s flat.
~~~~~
Merlin was adjusting Arthur’s shirt collar and bow tie, and Morgana could plainly see both the utter love and the deep sorrow etched into his face. Arthur was returning Merlin’s look with one of intense love and longing, with a plea for forgiveness in his expression. He touched Merlin’s cheek, then pulled his face to his, resting cheek against cheek. Morgana’s heart swelled and then broke.
There was no denying that they were deeply in love with each other. Morgana knew Arthur loved Merlin with all his heart and that marrying Vivian was something he thought he had to do, even though his heart belonged - would always belong - to Merlin. And she knew Merlin - dear, sweet Merlin - loved Arthur, would always love Arthur. Merlin would never let Arthur go from his heart, no matter how much time passed or how much love and affection she gave him.
“It’s time,” she announced softly, reluctant to break the moment.
The two broke apart reluctantly, their bodies slumping, weary, expressing how much they both did not want this wedding to happen. They exited through the sidedoor to the garden, their hands touching, grasping, and then dropping apart as they made their way to the gazebo where the ceremony was to take place.
Morgana followed them into the garden, hurriedly taking her place beside her step-father, who was gazing proudly at his son on his wedding day.
She knew what she had to do.
The harpist began to play as Vivian, a beautiful sight in her elegant gown, started up the path to the gazebo to meet her groom. Morgana leaned into her step-father and whispered, “Arthur can’t marry Vivian, Uther. He doesn’t love her.”
Uther looked at her with surprise, a frown at his mouth. “What do you mean he doesn’t love her?”
“He loves someone else.”
“Who?” Uther queried, his brows pinching together. “Who does Arthur love?”
Morgana swallowed and took a deep breath. “Merlin,” she said. “He loves Merlin. He has always loved Merlin. And he will always love Merlin.”
Uther considered her for a moment. “If he loves Merlin, why is he marrying Vivian?”
“Because he thinks it is what you want,” Morgana told him. “For him to marry, to have an heir.”
The sound of the harp filled Uther’s momentary silence. “And what about you, Morgana?” Uther asked.
“Me?”
“I thought you and Merlin were...”
“I love Merlin,” Morgana said, “but Merlin loves Arthur.” She met Uther’s eyes, trying to keep her own from spilling over. “I want Merlin to be happy,” she told him. “And he isn’t going to be happy unless he’s with Arthur.”
Vivian had made her way to the gazebo where Arthur and Merlin were waiting. Arthur held out his hand to her and she took it, smiling.
Uther stood suddenly and shouted, “Stop!”
All eyes turned toward him - Vivian’s surprised, Olaf’s narrowed, Arthur’s searching, Merlin’s hopeful. Olaf and his wife got up from their seats.
“What is the meaning of this, Uther?” Olaf demanded.
“I’m afraid my son cannot marry your daughter,” Uther announced, which caused a fair amount of murmuring to start among the guests.
“Why the hell not?” Olaf wanted to know.
“Because Arthur does not love her,” Uther proclaimed, looking completely in control of the situation, as Morgana knew he would be. “He loves someone else.”
“Who?” Olaf questioned, looking around for the potential object of Arthur’s affection, by-passing Merlin completely.
“Merlin,” Uther said.
“Merlin?” Olaf and his wife both squawked.
“Merlin?” Vivian followed with a squeak.
Murmurs of “Merlin?” floated through the group of gathered guests.
“Merlin,” Arthur confirmed softly, looking first to his father for acceptance then to Morgana with silent gratitude. Uther nodded at his son, signalling his support. Arthur turned to Vivian and said, “I am sorry, Vivian. But my father is right. I can’t marry you. I love Merlin.”
Vivian’s expression went from surprise to shock to humiliation to anger. Then she rushed from the garden, her parents following in her wake.
Arthur and Merlin hugged each other close. They were in their own little world, oblivious to the chaos and gossip floating around them. Despite the deep ache in her chest, Morgana was happy for them, happy for Merlin.
Merlin caught her eye and smiled. He whispered something to Arthur, who reluctantly let go of him, and made his way over to Morgana.
“Thank you, Morgana,” Merlin said, his blue eyes shining with deep affection. “I know you wished it could have been different for us.”
Morgana touched his cheek. “We can’t help who we love, Merlin.”
Merlin knew she loved him. “No,” he said softly, kindly. “We can’t.” Merlin squeezed her hand and flashed his beautiful smile again before returning to Arthur, the one he would always love.
THE END