Alien in the Generator (or Jack gets nekkid again.)
Title: Alien in the Generator. (or Jack gets nekkid again)
Characters: Jack/Ianto .... Sparky.
Genre: CRACK. Yep.
Length..... uh... yes. it has that. so does Jack.
Spoilers: nope.
Warnings: this may cause fits of giggling. its unbeta'd, unedited, and really really bad. you have been warned. Read at your own risk.
Summary: sariagray and I were bored. Don't ever let us get bored. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY DON'T LET US GET BORED AGAIN. This was email fic. She began it by writing a standard, normal, not scary paragraph. As we went back and forth, they got worse and worse.
A's/N. The parts in italics are mine. the parts in not italics are Saria's.
Button says- I'm sorry for having Jack nekkid by the second paragraph.
Ianto sat, pen poised above the paper, ready to strike. The soft hum of the power generators whirred white noise around him that he subconsciously blocked out. And then something changed. He froze in an attempt to figure out what had happened. Silence. Then he realized what was wrong; the generators had gone off.
He looked around, perplexed. The generators NEVER went off. Not unless the Hub went into lockdown, or there was an emergency, or the world was ending. He corrected himself mentally. The world was always ending. Laying the pen down, parallel with the edge of the page, naturally, he silently rose out of his chair, and carried himself with all of the grace of a lion up to the main body of the Hub. "Jack... the worlds not ending again, is it?"
"Huh?" The muffled shout barely reached his ears and he searched in vain for the man to whom it belonged.
"What's the matter?" This time, the voice was clear as crystal...and right in his ear. His body twitched slightly, the only indication of surprise that he allowed to show through his carefully-crafted persona of ease. Jack, face dirty as if he had been moonlighting as a chimney sweep, raised an eyebrow at him.
"Jack, why are the generators off?" Ianto's calm mask slipped... "Uhg, and what happened to you?"
Ianto grimaced as he saw the caked grime all over Captain Harkness' clothes. "Ok. Clothes. Now. I don't want you tracking mud all over the place." He was glad it was after-hours. Calmly, he stepped back from Jack and waited for both the offending garments and the explanation.
"What? Now?" Jack grinned wickedly as he put on mock-affronted airs. "Mr. Jones, I do believe you're taking advantage."
Ianto rolled his eyes. "Clothes. Now." He held out a hand and Jack, as usual, ignored it in favor of tossing his shirt over Ianto's head. "JACK!" he shouted, only it came out muffled by filthy cotton-silk blend.
"Don't you want to hear about the generators?" Jack's voice was all honey-sweet innocence.
Exasperated, Ianto sighed loudly. "Yes Jack. Tell me about the generators." He dodged the undershirt as it was thrown at him, and managed to catch the soiled pants. He rolled his eyes again as he noticed that AGAIN Jack wasn't wearing any underwear. AND was already excited. With another sigh, he collected the boots and socks and threw all of it into a collapsible hamper that appeared from nearby his desk, nearly out of nowhere.
"Prepared, huh?"
"In this job? Always pays to have a spare hamper around. Someone's always dirty here. Now talk. No sex until you tell me whats going on." He brushed the dust off of his suit jacket, sighing when he realized that it was going to need to be dry cleaned again.
Frowning, Jack ran a sooty hand through his sooty hair and Ianto had half a mind to march him straight to the showers.
"Look, it's not that big of a deal," Jack began, nervously looking at his feet. "Nothing bad happened. It was just running slow and I tried to clean it so you wouldn't have to and I think I blew a fuse."
"Blew a fuse?!" Ianto spluttered. "Jack, those were the backup generators. The whole Hub's running off of the one spare backup!"
"It was...a really big fuse?"
"Tell me, right now, exactly what you've done.
Jack shuffled a bit and had the decency to look ashamed. But no less excited, Ianto noticed. Jack's words came out quietly and hurriedly, "I tried to replace the filters and i think when I put them back in something else got in there, and it must have clogged everything up so the fuel's not cycling and.... and now we have an alien in the generator."
He tried to look at Ianto with his 'I'm the Captain' look, which failed miserably due to lack of clothing. Ianto nearly snickered at this, but he was too irritated. "You didn't think to check? Make sure it was clear? This is why no one else is supposed to go near any of the electronics in this place. Except for Tosh. She wouldn't have let something into the generator."
"But Tosh left for the night. And I thought I'd help. Anyway, maybe we got lucky and it's a mouse?"
Ianto's heart nearly melted at the idea that Jack had tried to help. Nearly. He sighed.
"Okay, so you tried to help with a simple cleaning job, and now we've barely any power. Do you know how to reset the fuse or should I call Tosh back in?
Jack shook his head. "I've done it long before Tosh was even born. I can manage that."
"Right. I'll get to work on the generator, then. You'd better hope it was just a mouse."
"Uhm, Ianto?"
"Yes Jack?"
"Clothes?"
With a smirk, Ianto shook his head. "No Jack. You'll only make them dirty... And I'm not about to do more of your laundry." He paused, considering, "Consider this your punishment. Your reward for trying to help make my job easier will come later." A perfect eyebrow arched as those words were spoken, the innuendo clear in the deep voice.
Jack pouted, but it was a good natured sort of pout. It was the pout that he knew Ianto couldn't resist. He knew that the reward would make all of this worth it. "At least would you fix the CCTV so that Tosh can't see me walking around in all my glory?"
"I will, yes, but you know that she'll just override anything I do anyway. So I'm really only doing it because you look adorable right now."
Jack frowned. "I don't think it's me she's looking for. I don't think she'll bother to override it. But, uh, thanks?"
Ianto smirked and shook his head. He quickly disabled the CCTV, setting it to a loop that Tosh would recognize as fake within an instant; he had to admit that he was particularly curious as to whether or not she would watch Jack or if it would bore her. When he was finished, he proceeded to the generator, small torch in hand. He slowly removed the pieces that he could so that he might get a better look. He sighed, hoping that most of the dirt and grime had already found itself on Jack, leaving little to muss up his clothing. He shined the light in, past the filter. He wasn't surprised that what he found wasn't anything so simple as a mouse. At least, not an earth mouse, at any rate. Two extremely large, watery eyes stared back at him. They were exceptionally large given the small round (blue!) frame. It appeared to be furry, and little sparks of electricity seemed to shoot from its body.
Ianto hurriedly pressed his comm. "Jack? You better come see this. And hurry!"
The alien looked curiously at Ianto, as Ianto looked even more curiously back at it. He had to admit, it was kinda cute in a "could possibly electrify you to death" sorta way. He decided to name the little guy "Sparky."
"Jaaaaack" Ianto called again, as he backed away from the critter, who had begun to wibble towards him.
Ianto backed directly into Jack's naked legs, and couldn't resist a slight smirk as he remembered that the Captain was still sans clothing. Smirk turned to frown as the creature wibbled nearer. He didn't know when he had created the word "wibble" but it seemed to accurately describe the movements of Sparky. "I've named him Sparky." Ianto said, standing up slightly less gracefully then usual, as he dodged the small animal. "What is it?"
Jack took a step around his clothed partner, and crouched down, holding a hand out. "Its called a 'Furtincelle'. They're actually mostly harmless, if you can stand a small jolt." He grinned as Sparky climbed onto his hand.
"And how much is a small jolt? I stay dead, remember?" Ianto eyed the creature suspiciously.
Jack frowned. "Yeah, thanks for the reminder. From this little guy? Like static electricity. Here." He thrust his hand out at Ianto, who instinctively backed away.
Chuckling, Jack pressed forward with the tiny Furtincelle. "C'mon," he goaded. "You've already named him Sparky."
"Wait," Ianto held up a hand. "How do we know it's a male?"
"Because he's blue," Jack scowled at him as if he were the dumbest person alive.
"So...you mean to tell me that...the females are...."
"Pink, yes." Jack nodded affirmatively and pushed his hand closer to Ianto. The tiny creature resting there looked up at Ianto with large, watery, sad eyes.
Ianto glanced at the "Einstein" look that Jack was now sporting and shoulders slumping, knew that his dignity was lost for the night. "Ok, Sparky... c'mere. Come to Uncle Ianto."
Jack raised an eyebrow at that, "Uncle Ianto, huh. I take it we're adopting this little ball of fuzz-tricity?" His eyes widened as Sparky jumped carefully from hand to hand and Ianto's finely styled hair stood on end.
Sea blue eyes rolled at Jack's reaction. "Comment, and die. You know that when Tosh and Gwen get a look at him they're never gonna want to give him up. Plus, " he grinned devilishly, which somehow fit the spikes on his head, "If you think our hair is funny like this .." he trailed off, letting the mental images swarm Jack's active imagination.
His response wasn't quite what Ianto was expecting. Jack blinked and looked at him, eyebrow raised, with confusion etched on his face.
"Huh? I don't know where you come up with these things."
Ianto frowned. "What do you mean?"
"First the stopwatch, now this! I have no idea what you're talking about sometimes!"
Ianto's frown turned into something that resembled a pout. "But you got the stopwatch!"
"No," Jack explained. "I got the innuendo surrounding the stopwatch. I just thought I'd play along. I really had no idea what you were talking about. And I still don't. But put the furtincelle down; he's getting antsy."
Ianto rolled his eyes again. "Jack. I meant, picture Tosh and Gwen after they've touched this little guy. There was no innuendo. Really, not everything has to do with sex."
"Says the man who won't give me my clothing. Now put him down."
"Jack, we're going to have to find a place for him, otherwise he's just going to go straight for the generators again. I think he probably feeds off of electricity. Maybe he's some sort of conductor. I'm going to head into the Archives and see if I can't find a bit more about him, umless you know where we can keep him..."
"Well, there's always the containment boxes...."
Ianto frowned and Jack nodded, sighing as he ran his hand through his hair.
"Oh! I know! We can build one of those potato batteries and let him get the electricity that way!"
"Jack! That is the...actually, that might work. I've still got all the shopping from this afternoon up in your office. I'm sure I bought potatoes. What else do we need?"
"Bits of copper, uh, galvanized nails, a plate, and a few pieces of copper wire! We can just attach it to him."
The furtincelle looked up at them curiously.
"All right. You take Sparky and work on getting him fed. I'll head to the Archives."
Ianto handed the alien over and headed down to the Archives. As he passed Jack, he leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, completing the circuit and getting shocked in the process. Jack grinned.
As Ianto made his way into the Archives, he wondered about his life, briefly. It was when he had small fuzzy electric aliens being attached to batteries by his naked, immortal male lover who also happened to be his boss that he always began to wonder about his life. It was just a thing. He wandered through the passageways and dark hallways of his Archives, going to the correct section without even needing to think about it. He went to the Fs-Fz cabinet and knelt down, pulling out the file on the little electric creature.
Jack, meanwhile had pulled out all of the equipment needed to make a battery to attach to the Furtincelle and spread it all over the table in the boardroom in a way that would make Ianto go into conniptions. Working slightly more carefully then usual, due to his current state. After a two potatoes had been smished and subsequently strewn in bits across the table and a few chairs, he finally had gotten the battery set up and connected to the critter, who cooed happily as it wibbled around showing off its new accessory to the world.
Now, Ianto knew that Archive-maintenance prior to his arrival had been lax at best. But this? This was ridiculous. “Furtincelle. Electric alien creatures; blue furtincelle are male, pink are female. The survive on a diet based solely on electricity. Mostly Harmless. Unless you let them near your source of power.” Sighing, he carried the file back up to Jack in the boardroom. What he saw was even more infuriating than the paucity of information in the file. Strewn about the table were bits and pieces of potato, wire clippings, and shards of copper sheeting. He glanced around. Okay, not just on the table. On the chairs, the floor, and even the ceiling. He collapsed into the nearest potato-free chair and sighed.
“Put your clothes back on,” he muttered as he closed his eyes and rubbed at them with his free hand.
“You all right?” Jack stepped over worriedly, knowing he was in trouble, and placed a warm, tentative hand on his shoulder. “You need to get some sleep.”
"I can't sleep now, Jack. Look at the boardroom. I'm not sure how you managed to get potato on the ceiling of all places.... Only you. You know I can only put up with this from you, right?" Ianto was glaring at Jack. It was a glare that spoke volumes. I love you. I hate you. Why do I put up with you.
Jack's returned the glare with a look of concern, "Ianto, down to my bunk. Get some sleep and I'll be down in a bit. I'll clean up. I had every intention to, you just came in too early."
"Oh yeah, thats the other thing... the file on the Furnicelle is useless. So we're on our own with this one." He locked his stormy eyes on Jack's and the electricity in the look could have fed the creature for months. Jack's eyes pleaded with him.
He sighed in defeat. "Fine Jack. You win this time. Just... just make sure that all of the potato is gone. I don't want it to start to smell in here. And find a place to put him.. And make sure there are no nails on the floor, and..."
Jack cut him off. "Ianto. My bed. Now. I've been cleaning since long before you were around."
Jack watched Ianto retreat hesitantly, defeated by exhaustion, before turning his gaze on the tiny creature. It buzzed at him softly and looked at him with questioning eyes.
“I’m in trouble,” he explained. He was slightly disheartened when the creature seemed to nod its agreement.
Sighing, he set to work cleaning. It didn’t take long and he soon had the place relatively spotless. He took the tiny creature down to the cells. They’d have a meeting tomorrow about where he would be kept in the future (he knew the girls would protest heavily at keeping him in such sad confinement). Finally, his chores done, he proceeded to his bunker, hoping Ianto was fast asleep.
Ianto was not fast asleep. In fact, Jack thought Ianto was making it a point to be as far from fast asleep as humanly possible. He was pacing so hard that Jack feared that he might dig through the concrete in the bunker. He glanced up as Jack tentatively climbed down the ladder. Neither man even bothered to consider the fact that Ianto could reduce Jack to 'tentative'. Jack wasn't tentative. He was tenacious and loud and exuberant and in charge.
And right now, he was in trouble. He shuffled his feet as he stood in front of the ladder, pointedly not looking at Ianto.
For his part, Ianto stopped pacing, and stood in front of Jack. He put a hand under the man's chin and raised his head so their eyes met.
"I'm sorry..."
"I'm sorry!"
Both spoke at once... one sheepish, one hesitant. The former, Ianto, spoke again. "Jack... I over-reacted. This whole day... its just been too much. I know you were just trying to help. And I know you have your way of doing things."
Jack sighed and gave a little smile. “I don’t let you rest enough. I just…I need you by my side, and I overwork you, and then I try your patience on top of it.”
Ianto chuckled. “Are you calling me old? You don’t overwork me. I overwork myself.” He sunk down onto the bed and looked at him pointedly. “And I’m impressed. You managed all of that without clothes. What did you do with our friend?”
"He's in the cells. Don't worry, I put him far from Janet. Wouldn't want her to get accidentally electrocuted. And I've managed things without clothes that you wouldn't believe! There was this time on this planet waaay out...."
Ianto reached up, grabbed Jack's wrist and pulled him down to the bed, effectively cutting off another sexploit story with a steamy kiss. "Don't need to know, Jack." He growled against his lips. "Lets make our own stories."
Characters: Jack/Ianto .... Sparky.
Genre: CRACK. Yep.
Length..... uh... yes. it has that. so does Jack.
Spoilers: nope.
Warnings: this may cause fits of giggling. its unbeta'd, unedited, and really really bad. you have been warned. Read at your own risk.
Summary: sariagray and I were bored. Don't ever let us get bored. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY DON'T LET US GET BORED AGAIN. This was email fic. She began it by writing a standard, normal, not scary paragraph. As we went back and forth, they got worse and worse.
A's/N. The parts in italics are mine. the parts in not italics are Saria's.
Button says- I'm sorry for having Jack nekkid by the second paragraph.
Ianto sat, pen poised above the paper, ready to strike. The soft hum of the power generators whirred white noise around him that he subconsciously blocked out. And then something changed. He froze in an attempt to figure out what had happened. Silence. Then he realized what was wrong; the generators had gone off.
He looked around, perplexed. The generators NEVER went off. Not unless the Hub went into lockdown, or there was an emergency, or the world was ending. He corrected himself mentally. The world was always ending. Laying the pen down, parallel with the edge of the page, naturally, he silently rose out of his chair, and carried himself with all of the grace of a lion up to the main body of the Hub. "Jack... the worlds not ending again, is it?"
"Huh?" The muffled shout barely reached his ears and he searched in vain for the man to whom it belonged.
"What's the matter?" This time, the voice was clear as crystal...and right in his ear. His body twitched slightly, the only indication of surprise that he allowed to show through his carefully-crafted persona of ease. Jack, face dirty as if he had been moonlighting as a chimney sweep, raised an eyebrow at him.
"Jack, why are the generators off?" Ianto's calm mask slipped... "Uhg, and what happened to you?"
Ianto grimaced as he saw the caked grime all over Captain Harkness' clothes. "Ok. Clothes. Now. I don't want you tracking mud all over the place." He was glad it was after-hours. Calmly, he stepped back from Jack and waited for both the offending garments and the explanation.
"What? Now?" Jack grinned wickedly as he put on mock-affronted airs. "Mr. Jones, I do believe you're taking advantage."
Ianto rolled his eyes. "Clothes. Now." He held out a hand and Jack, as usual, ignored it in favor of tossing his shirt over Ianto's head. "JACK!" he shouted, only it came out muffled by filthy cotton-silk blend.
"Don't you want to hear about the generators?" Jack's voice was all honey-sweet innocence.
Exasperated, Ianto sighed loudly. "Yes Jack. Tell me about the generators." He dodged the undershirt as it was thrown at him, and managed to catch the soiled pants. He rolled his eyes again as he noticed that AGAIN Jack wasn't wearing any underwear. AND was already excited. With another sigh, he collected the boots and socks and threw all of it into a collapsible hamper that appeared from nearby his desk, nearly out of nowhere.
"Prepared, huh?"
"In this job? Always pays to have a spare hamper around. Someone's always dirty here. Now talk. No sex until you tell me whats going on." He brushed the dust off of his suit jacket, sighing when he realized that it was going to need to be dry cleaned again.
Frowning, Jack ran a sooty hand through his sooty hair and Ianto had half a mind to march him straight to the showers.
"Look, it's not that big of a deal," Jack began, nervously looking at his feet. "Nothing bad happened. It was just running slow and I tried to clean it so you wouldn't have to and I think I blew a fuse."
"Blew a fuse?!" Ianto spluttered. "Jack, those were the backup generators. The whole Hub's running off of the one spare backup!"
"It was...a really big fuse?"
"Tell me, right now, exactly what you've done.
Jack shuffled a bit and had the decency to look ashamed. But no less excited, Ianto noticed. Jack's words came out quietly and hurriedly, "I tried to replace the filters and i think when I put them back in something else got in there, and it must have clogged everything up so the fuel's not cycling and.... and now we have an alien in the generator."
He tried to look at Ianto with his 'I'm the Captain' look, which failed miserably due to lack of clothing. Ianto nearly snickered at this, but he was too irritated. "You didn't think to check? Make sure it was clear? This is why no one else is supposed to go near any of the electronics in this place. Except for Tosh. She wouldn't have let something into the generator."
"But Tosh left for the night. And I thought I'd help. Anyway, maybe we got lucky and it's a mouse?"
Ianto's heart nearly melted at the idea that Jack had tried to help. Nearly. He sighed.
"Okay, so you tried to help with a simple cleaning job, and now we've barely any power. Do you know how to reset the fuse or should I call Tosh back in?
Jack shook his head. "I've done it long before Tosh was even born. I can manage that."
"Right. I'll get to work on the generator, then. You'd better hope it was just a mouse."
"Uhm, Ianto?"
"Yes Jack?"
"Clothes?"
With a smirk, Ianto shook his head. "No Jack. You'll only make them dirty... And I'm not about to do more of your laundry." He paused, considering, "Consider this your punishment. Your reward for trying to help make my job easier will come later." A perfect eyebrow arched as those words were spoken, the innuendo clear in the deep voice.
Jack pouted, but it was a good natured sort of pout. It was the pout that he knew Ianto couldn't resist. He knew that the reward would make all of this worth it. "At least would you fix the CCTV so that Tosh can't see me walking around in all my glory?"
"I will, yes, but you know that she'll just override anything I do anyway. So I'm really only doing it because you look adorable right now."
Jack frowned. "I don't think it's me she's looking for. I don't think she'll bother to override it. But, uh, thanks?"
Ianto smirked and shook his head. He quickly disabled the CCTV, setting it to a loop that Tosh would recognize as fake within an instant; he had to admit that he was particularly curious as to whether or not she would watch Jack or if it would bore her. When he was finished, he proceeded to the generator, small torch in hand. He slowly removed the pieces that he could so that he might get a better look. He sighed, hoping that most of the dirt and grime had already found itself on Jack, leaving little to muss up his clothing. He shined the light in, past the filter. He wasn't surprised that what he found wasn't anything so simple as a mouse. At least, not an earth mouse, at any rate. Two extremely large, watery eyes stared back at him. They were exceptionally large given the small round (blue!) frame. It appeared to be furry, and little sparks of electricity seemed to shoot from its body.
Ianto hurriedly pressed his comm. "Jack? You better come see this. And hurry!"
The alien looked curiously at Ianto, as Ianto looked even more curiously back at it. He had to admit, it was kinda cute in a "could possibly electrify you to death" sorta way. He decided to name the little guy "Sparky."
"Jaaaaack" Ianto called again, as he backed away from the critter, who had begun to wibble towards him.
Ianto backed directly into Jack's naked legs, and couldn't resist a slight smirk as he remembered that the Captain was still sans clothing. Smirk turned to frown as the creature wibbled nearer. He didn't know when he had created the word "wibble" but it seemed to accurately describe the movements of Sparky. "I've named him Sparky." Ianto said, standing up slightly less gracefully then usual, as he dodged the small animal. "What is it?"
Jack took a step around his clothed partner, and crouched down, holding a hand out. "Its called a 'Furtincelle'. They're actually mostly harmless, if you can stand a small jolt." He grinned as Sparky climbed onto his hand.
"And how much is a small jolt? I stay dead, remember?" Ianto eyed the creature suspiciously.
Jack frowned. "Yeah, thanks for the reminder. From this little guy? Like static electricity. Here." He thrust his hand out at Ianto, who instinctively backed away.
Chuckling, Jack pressed forward with the tiny Furtincelle. "C'mon," he goaded. "You've already named him Sparky."
"Wait," Ianto held up a hand. "How do we know it's a male?"
"Because he's blue," Jack scowled at him as if he were the dumbest person alive.
"So...you mean to tell me that...the females are...."
"Pink, yes." Jack nodded affirmatively and pushed his hand closer to Ianto. The tiny creature resting there looked up at Ianto with large, watery, sad eyes.
Ianto glanced at the "Einstein" look that Jack was now sporting and shoulders slumping, knew that his dignity was lost for the night. "Ok, Sparky... c'mere. Come to Uncle Ianto."
Jack raised an eyebrow at that, "Uncle Ianto, huh. I take it we're adopting this little ball of fuzz-tricity?" His eyes widened as Sparky jumped carefully from hand to hand and Ianto's finely styled hair stood on end.
Sea blue eyes rolled at Jack's reaction. "Comment, and die. You know that when Tosh and Gwen get a look at him they're never gonna want to give him up. Plus, " he grinned devilishly, which somehow fit the spikes on his head, "If you think our hair is funny like this .." he trailed off, letting the mental images swarm Jack's active imagination.
His response wasn't quite what Ianto was expecting. Jack blinked and looked at him, eyebrow raised, with confusion etched on his face.
"Huh? I don't know where you come up with these things."
Ianto frowned. "What do you mean?"
"First the stopwatch, now this! I have no idea what you're talking about sometimes!"
Ianto's frown turned into something that resembled a pout. "But you got the stopwatch!"
"No," Jack explained. "I got the innuendo surrounding the stopwatch. I just thought I'd play along. I really had no idea what you were talking about. And I still don't. But put the furtincelle down; he's getting antsy."
Ianto rolled his eyes again. "Jack. I meant, picture Tosh and Gwen after they've touched this little guy. There was no innuendo. Really, not everything has to do with sex."
"Says the man who won't give me my clothing. Now put him down."
"Jack, we're going to have to find a place for him, otherwise he's just going to go straight for the generators again. I think he probably feeds off of electricity. Maybe he's some sort of conductor. I'm going to head into the Archives and see if I can't find a bit more about him, umless you know where we can keep him..."
"Well, there's always the containment boxes...."
Ianto frowned and Jack nodded, sighing as he ran his hand through his hair.
"Oh! I know! We can build one of those potato batteries and let him get the electricity that way!"
"Jack! That is the...actually, that might work. I've still got all the shopping from this afternoon up in your office. I'm sure I bought potatoes. What else do we need?"
"Bits of copper, uh, galvanized nails, a plate, and a few pieces of copper wire! We can just attach it to him."
The furtincelle looked up at them curiously.
"All right. You take Sparky and work on getting him fed. I'll head to the Archives."
Ianto handed the alien over and headed down to the Archives. As he passed Jack, he leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, completing the circuit and getting shocked in the process. Jack grinned.
As Ianto made his way into the Archives, he wondered about his life, briefly. It was when he had small fuzzy electric aliens being attached to batteries by his naked, immortal male lover who also happened to be his boss that he always began to wonder about his life. It was just a thing. He wandered through the passageways and dark hallways of his Archives, going to the correct section without even needing to think about it. He went to the Fs-Fz cabinet and knelt down, pulling out the file on the little electric creature.
Jack, meanwhile had pulled out all of the equipment needed to make a battery to attach to the Furtincelle and spread it all over the table in the boardroom in a way that would make Ianto go into conniptions. Working slightly more carefully then usual, due to his current state. After a two potatoes had been smished and subsequently strewn in bits across the table and a few chairs, he finally had gotten the battery set up and connected to the critter, who cooed happily as it wibbled around showing off its new accessory to the world.
Now, Ianto knew that Archive-maintenance prior to his arrival had been lax at best. But this? This was ridiculous. “Furtincelle. Electric alien creatures; blue furtincelle are male, pink are female. The survive on a diet based solely on electricity. Mostly Harmless. Unless you let them near your source of power.” Sighing, he carried the file back up to Jack in the boardroom. What he saw was even more infuriating than the paucity of information in the file. Strewn about the table were bits and pieces of potato, wire clippings, and shards of copper sheeting. He glanced around. Okay, not just on the table. On the chairs, the floor, and even the ceiling. He collapsed into the nearest potato-free chair and sighed.
“Put your clothes back on,” he muttered as he closed his eyes and rubbed at them with his free hand.
“You all right?” Jack stepped over worriedly, knowing he was in trouble, and placed a warm, tentative hand on his shoulder. “You need to get some sleep.”
"I can't sleep now, Jack. Look at the boardroom. I'm not sure how you managed to get potato on the ceiling of all places.... Only you. You know I can only put up with this from you, right?" Ianto was glaring at Jack. It was a glare that spoke volumes. I love you. I hate you. Why do I put up with you.
Jack's returned the glare with a look of concern, "Ianto, down to my bunk. Get some sleep and I'll be down in a bit. I'll clean up. I had every intention to, you just came in too early."
"Oh yeah, thats the other thing... the file on the Furnicelle is useless. So we're on our own with this one." He locked his stormy eyes on Jack's and the electricity in the look could have fed the creature for months. Jack's eyes pleaded with him.
He sighed in defeat. "Fine Jack. You win this time. Just... just make sure that all of the potato is gone. I don't want it to start to smell in here. And find a place to put him.. And make sure there are no nails on the floor, and..."
Jack cut him off. "Ianto. My bed. Now. I've been cleaning since long before you were around."
Jack watched Ianto retreat hesitantly, defeated by exhaustion, before turning his gaze on the tiny creature. It buzzed at him softly and looked at him with questioning eyes.
“I’m in trouble,” he explained. He was slightly disheartened when the creature seemed to nod its agreement.
Sighing, he set to work cleaning. It didn’t take long and he soon had the place relatively spotless. He took the tiny creature down to the cells. They’d have a meeting tomorrow about where he would be kept in the future (he knew the girls would protest heavily at keeping him in such sad confinement). Finally, his chores done, he proceeded to his bunker, hoping Ianto was fast asleep.
Ianto was not fast asleep. In fact, Jack thought Ianto was making it a point to be as far from fast asleep as humanly possible. He was pacing so hard that Jack feared that he might dig through the concrete in the bunker. He glanced up as Jack tentatively climbed down the ladder. Neither man even bothered to consider the fact that Ianto could reduce Jack to 'tentative'. Jack wasn't tentative. He was tenacious and loud and exuberant and in charge.
And right now, he was in trouble. He shuffled his feet as he stood in front of the ladder, pointedly not looking at Ianto.
For his part, Ianto stopped pacing, and stood in front of Jack. He put a hand under the man's chin and raised his head so their eyes met.
"I'm sorry..."
"I'm sorry!"
Both spoke at once... one sheepish, one hesitant. The former, Ianto, spoke again. "Jack... I over-reacted. This whole day... its just been too much. I know you were just trying to help. And I know you have your way of doing things."
Jack sighed and gave a little smile. “I don’t let you rest enough. I just…I need you by my side, and I overwork you, and then I try your patience on top of it.”
Ianto chuckled. “Are you calling me old? You don’t overwork me. I overwork myself.” He sunk down onto the bed and looked at him pointedly. “And I’m impressed. You managed all of that without clothes. What did you do with our friend?”
"He's in the cells. Don't worry, I put him far from Janet. Wouldn't want her to get accidentally electrocuted. And I've managed things without clothes that you wouldn't believe! There was this time on this planet waaay out...."
Ianto reached up, grabbed Jack's wrist and pulled him down to the bed, effectively cutting off another sexploit story with a steamy kiss. "Don't need to know, Jack." He growled against his lips. "Lets make our own stories."