Fanfiction: You Make My Heart Bleed
Title: You Make My Heart Bleed
Disclaimer:I don’t own anything about TVD. If I did, well things would have progressed far differently.
Rating: M or hard R
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries
Pairing: Jeremy Gilbert/Tyler Lockwood
Word Count: 5,332
Summary: What do you do when you just can’t anymore? What do you do when you love someone so much and they can’t give you that back? You bend. You keep going until you can’t anymore. And then you break.
A/N: This is for my Unmarriable Soulmate for our Ten Year Friendaversary. This is a !verse. It goes AU after Tyler leaves Mystic Falls with Jules. This is 1 in a series of 3 ONE SHOTS. There is a prequel and there is a sequel, this just happens to be the one I wanted to write first. I’m writing the prequel next and then the sequel, but anyways I really hope you guys like it. And Fluffy I hope you like it most of all. Also the song used is Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap.
You Make My Heart Bleed
Tyler trailed his lips down Jeremy’s collarbone, groaning as he felt the other boy’s erection growing against his thigh. “Do you know what you do to me?” He growled.
Jeremy cupped the front of Tyler’s pants and smirked, “I think I have some idea.” He rubbed the material of his jeans slowly and methodically. It was tantalizing. Tyler laid his head against Jeremy’s shoulder and sighed. Jeremy smiled and sped up his motions, “Do you like that?”
Growling, Tyler pushed the younger boy into the wall. The plaster made a whining sound, but didn’t crack this time which meant less wall for the boys to repair when they woke in the morning. “You know I do,” he purred into his ear as he ground the front of his jeans against Jeremy, “and I can tell that you like it too.”
Jeremy felt himself pulse as Tyler pulled down the zipper to his jeans. He wasn’t going to last long this time and he knew it. To avoid embarrassment he pulled the zipper of Tyler’s jeans down and slowly inched his hand into the other boy’s pants. Tyler’s breathing sped up to the point that Jeremy was worried that he might hyperventilate. When his hand made contact with Tyler’s member Tyler groaned in frustration. “What do you want me to do Tyler? Do you want me to do this?” He stroked slowly and methodically, smiling evilly when Tyler shook his head.
Jeremy’s hand sped up, “What about this?” He felt himself throbbing in his pants, his own erection begging for attention. He ignored the urge. This was about Tyler.
Tyler shook his head again and Jeremy smiled again, “What do you want me to do Tyler? Tell me,” he commanded.
Tyler tried his damndest to control his breathing, but he couldn’t. “You know what I want.” He panted from his place on Jeremy’s shoulder. His knees were bound to give out on him. They needed to move this to somewhere where he could sit and watch or, at the very least, hold himself up. Jeremy could probably do that by himself, but Tyler wanted all Jeremy’s his focus on him.
Jeremy firmly grabbed his dick, pumping even harder, “Tell me Tyler. Say my name and tell me. I want you to beg for it.” It had always been like this between them. Sex was a battle of he-man will. They never kept score though, if Jeremy guessed, they were pretty even. And tonight Tyler was going to be his bitch, that is, if he would just give in.
Tyler groaned at the added pressure. He never really liked guys, he still didn’t like guys. He only liked Jeremy. It was a weird sensation to like someone so much, when you’d never really noticed another guy before. And not only that, but to be so incredibly turned on by them, so incredibly turned on that no one else could do it for you like they did. It was all new to him.
He hissed at Jeremy’s request. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t like intimacy in these situations. He didn’t even like kissing in these situations. Yeah, they made out and even looked into each other’s eyes with so much lust that you could cut the tension with a knife. But somehow Jeremy always brought him out of his comfort zone, even if it was an absolute struggle. He looked up to Jeremy and kissed him hard.
Jeremy saw the conflict there. He knew that Tyler didn’t like the whole intimacy part of sex, but it was fun getting him to bend to his will. He kissed him hard, still stroking, tongues sliding across each other sensually, almost roughly. He bit Tyler’s lip and sucked on it to soothe the bite. This was how they liked it. Hard then sweet, the rough and tumble of it all made it interesting, but even more so it was the fact that the position of submissive and dominant was traded so often. That wasn’t to say it was given freely, but it happened. Breaking the kiss, his stomach warm and tingly, his head higher than when he’d ever smoked weed or done drugs, he looked at Tyler with a want in his eyes that took the other boy aback, “Tell me what you want Tyler.”
It sounded seductive and silky, almost like a compulsion from Caroline back when she’d tried to compel Matt. He focused on the physical pleasure he was feeling. “Jeremy,” he groaned throatily, “I want your mouth on my dick. Now.”
The tables had turned and Jeremy felt like he could explode at any moment. Shoving Tyler’s pants down and spinning him so that he was leaning against the wall Jeremy licked a long line from the base to tip of Tyler’s thick penis. Swirling his tongue around the tip he felt Tyler’s hand in his hair, grasping at the short strands and trying to roughly push Jeremy’s mouth onto his member.
Jeremy was having none of that. He took the tip of Tyler’s erection into his mouth and sucked lightly, tasting the precum that had accumulated during his thorough hand job.
Tyler felt his knees get weak and had to take his hands out of Jeremy’s hair to hold onto the molding in the middle of the wall. He couldn’t get over the image of Jeremy on his knees, head between his legs, sucking his cock. It was intoxicating. Now only if he would take all of him into his mouth, “Jeremy please,” he begged.
Jeremy decided that it was time to stop teasing him and in a quick motion took all of Tyler into his mouth and into his throat. Working his throat muscles around his cock it didn’t take long for Tyler to start pulsing into his mouth.
Tyler knew his release was imminent, he knew that he wasn’t going to last long, and he was right. As Jeremy hummed around his member Tyler’s world exploded.
****
Lying in bed later Jeremy stroked Tyler’s head. He was fast asleep. He thought about how they got here. It wasn’t a pretty story. He’d found an ad for an apartment in San Francisco, where he’d been living for the past four years. The lease on his apartment was up and the apartment was gorgeous. All he had to do was put up with a roommate. It didn’t occur to him that the Lockwood that was looking for a roommate could be Tyler. It wasn’t a common name, but as far as he knew from Jenna and Bonnie he was back in Mystic Falls after four years.
Jeremy had no interest in rekindling that friendship at the time. Tyler hadn’t been there when Jeremy had to watch his sister bleed out on a table while Klaus tried to break a curse that didn’t even exist. He didn’t have to watch Alaric take on Elijah, who switched sides at the last minute, and die. He didn’t have to watch Damon and Caroline leave because they couldn’t deal with the fact that Stefan had been burned at the stake as a vampire sacrifice. He didn’t even come to any of their funerals. They all mourned. They all needed each other. Caroline especially could have used Tyler when her mother and Matt told her to leave town with Damon or they’d stake them both. He’d hated him for leaving them all. They were all friends. They’d depended on each other. They’d needed each other. And Tyler wasn’t there for any of it.
When they saw each other they’d ended up in a fistfight and Jeremy decided to not take the apartment. It was actually Tyler who came back and asked him to move in. Jeremy knew that it took a lot to do it, to apologize, because Tyler was, and always had been such a prideful person. It made Jeremy think Tyler had changed, not enough to forgive him, but enough to want to give him another chance to redeem himself.
It had been good at first, but then Jeremy had started to feel a growing attraction to him. He’d known he was bisexual since he’d broken up with Bonnie. He’d even wondered if he was gay sometimes, but, if he was, what was the explanation for Vicki, Anna, and Bonnie? He had felt something for them, something real. But once he and Tyler had started connecting, he realized he’d never felt like this before. What he felt for Tyler was like the beginning of the end. Caroline, Damon, and Bonnie warned him to be careful, but he’d never listened.
Their first kiss? He wasn’t even going to get into that mess. It was two years after that disaster and they’d been together for a year, unfortunately even that was flawed. Jeremy loved Tyler, but had yet to tell him that, and not only that but there were complications that he didn’t even want to get into. Tyler didn’t want to share them with the world. Jenna, Bonnie, Damon, Matt, and Caroline knew, but that was only because Jeremy talked to them on the regular.
Jeremy was getting tired of all the secrecy. He got out of Tyler’s bed and went into his own.
****
Jeremy woke up screaming. He had another dream about Elena, seeing her dead eyes and not being able to get to her in time. Tyler came rushing in. Jeremy looked at the clock and saw the time, one am. He could probably go to a bar if he wanted to, but Tyler didn’t like that. His jealously tended to get out of control sometimes, but it wasn’t like he slept with anyone else. Tyler, on the other hand, was a different story.
“Are you all right?” Tyler asked as he climbed into bed with Jeremy and held him to his side.
As Tyler stroked his hair, Jeremy shook his head. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy the moment, but he couldn’t. These moments were few and far between, but he couldn’t get Elena’s eyes out of his mind. He pulled away from Tyler. This wasn’t comforting and Jeremy was on the edge of starting a fight just for the hell of it. “I don’t want to talk about it. You should go back to your room.”
“Jeremy you woke up screaming. I want,” he swallowed nervously, “I want to be there for you.”
Jeremy threw the covers off of himself and stood up, looking around his room trying not to throw something. This was so frustrating! He didn’t know what do. “Just go. I don’t feel like talking and I don’t want to talk to you. I’ll call Bonnie or something. She was actually there,” he mumbled under his breath.
Unfortunately Tyler heard it, “I thought we were over this? Everyone else has forgiven me for it. If Damon can forgive me you can. And for that matter I was under the impression that you had forgiven me for it.” He stopped and looked at Jeremy, his eyes searching, “Your dream was about Elena wasn’t it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Jeremy reiterated as he yanked on a pair of his jeans and angrily put a shirt on.
“Why are you getting dressed?” Tyler asked, confused and hurt that Jeremy was acting like this. Damnit! He was concerned. He was opening up! He was showing that he cared. Jeremy could at least give him credit for that.
“I’m going out.”
“Why?”
“I need to get out of this fucking house, away from you and all the fucking memories.” Jeremy spat. He put on his brown leather jacket and headed towards the door.
Tyler grabbed his arm and kissed him. It was soft and Jeremy sighed into the kiss. They barely ever kissed like this, just to be there and comfort. Tyler broke away and stoked his cheek, “Please don’t go.” He kissed him again, holding his face in his hands, not deepening it just kissing him.
A tear dropped down Jeremy’s cheek, “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” Tyler asked as he kissed the tear away. His thumb caressed his face comfortingly. “This?” He kissed him again, eyes open, searching Jeremy’s for something he couldn’t quite place.
There was an intimacy in it that Jeremy had never experienced before. Kissing with his eyes gazing into Tyler’s, it was amazing and his heart almost broke. “Why do you do this?”
“Do what?”
Tyler stopped holding his face and led him to the couch, sitting him down and sitting beside him, “Act like you care about me.”
“I do.”
“Then why do we have an open relationship? Why do you fuck other people?”
“I only fuck other girls. And it’s only fucking girls. I don’t fuck any guy, but you.” Tyler said, as if that meant something different.
“That’s the problem.” Jeremy whispered.
Tyler was confused, “What do you mean? I don’t even bring them here.”
“But I don’t fuck you Tyler. Actually, I don’t screw anybody else. Period. Having sex with you is...” He took a deep breath, “It means more to me than it does to you. I love you and you don’t seem to get that.”
Tyler blanched. He wasn’t expecting that. He didn’t know what to say. His mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish and that was all the answer Jeremy needed. He pushed Tyler away.
“You keep hurting me and you don’t even realize it. Or maybe you do. I don’t know cause I can’t read you like I can read everyone else. So I’m done. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of meaningless sex. I’m just tired. So make up your mind Lockwood. You’re either all in or I’m out.” He knew Tyler didn’t deal well with ultimatums and he’d probably be angry and adverse about it. He steeled himself for his reaction. He hated that this felt like the end.
“Fine! Go. Just leave. Everyone else does anyways. Why shouldn’t you? I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be. I’m sorry that I’m not ready for what you are. But I care about you. You’re the one I come home to. Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
“You come home smelling like other people!” Jeremy shouted. “I don’t want to have sex when you smell like some girl’s perfume. I just don’t. So don’t act stupid because you know exactly what you’re doing. I hate that you almost never touch me just because. I don’t want you to hold me because I just had a nightmare or because you feel like you have to after we have sex. I want people to know that you’re mine and that’s one of the problems.” Tyler looked at him quizzically, so he continued, “I’m completely yours and you’re never mine.”
Tyler was scared. He didn’t know what to say or do. His breath same in short bursts, but he wasn’t turned on. He was absolutely terrified. He didn’t want to lose Jeremy. The thought made him sick, but then he thought about it. How dare he try to control him? How dare he try to give him an ultimatum? This wasn’t just about him. “Look, I need to think. If you want to go, just go because I can’t deal with this right now.” He looked at Jeremy. “I mean what the fuck man? How did we even get on this subject? I thought we were doing good.”
Jeremy headed for the door, but before he left he spoke, “Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe it’s what always was. We’re just on different pages.” He let the door shut.
Tyler hung his head. He hadn’t felt like this since he found out Caroline knew about Mason. He felt like his world was crashing down on him.
****
Jeremy put the earbuds in his ears, turning on his iPod, and laughing at the irony of the song that was playing. As the first line played he smiled incredulously and turned it up.
Here’s the day you hoped would never come, don’t feed me violins just run with me through rows of speeding cars
Jeremy walked down the street in his neighborhood. He didn’t have a car. He didn’t ever want one. He liked walking everywhere he wanted to go and if it was too far he could always use public transportation.
The paper cuts of cheating lovers, the coffee’s never strong enough, I know you think it’s more than just bad luck
He didn’t know what to think about what had transpired. He really wanted to call Bonnie or Caroline or even Damon. He could hear their voices in his head, consoling him, telling him there were other fish in the sea, saying that he deserved better. The thing was though that he didn’t want better. He wanted Tyler. He loved him so much. Leaving Tyler would be like leaving a part of him behind. Plus, he’d left his cell phone at the apartment.
There there baby it’s just textbook stuff. It’s in the abc’s of growing up.
In all of this, Jeremy couldn’t help but think about what he deserved and needed. He couldn’t keep living like this, living where he was constantly wondering if Tyler was with someone else, his heart breaking every damn time he came home smelling like someone else. Jeremy didn’t give a damn if he slept with another man or woman. Tyler was twenty-fucking-four years old. He could do as he pleased, except that he shouldn’t want to. The thing Jeremy gave a damn about was that it hurt, it made him feel like he wasn’t important, and that he was disposable. He didn’t want to be disposable. He wanted to be wanted, needed, and loved.
There there darling oh don’t lose your head
He thought about giving Tyler a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he should go to a bar or the gay club and have meaningless sex with someone. It would show him what Tyler really thought and felt, but the thought of it made Jeremy sick. He didn’t want someone else, he wanted Tyler, but I seemed like he would never get all of him.
Cause none of us are angels and you know I love you yes
He kept walking. He had a lot to think about.
****
The bass was thrumming a spectacular beat through his body. He couldn’t help but grind against the girl in front of him. She was pretty by any person’s standards. She was blonde haired, green eyed, and tanned. Tyler couldn’t keep his hands off of her…or at least that was what he was telling himself. Her name was Marie or Marlie or something, but he really couldn’t focus on that .
Truth was he was thinking about Jeremy. He was imagining Jeremy’s lean, hard body dancing up against him in this club instead of Marjorie or whatever her name was. The realization almost made him stop dancing. He had to do something to distract himself.
Tyler kissed the girl on the dance floor hard. He didn’t feel anything for her. Usually at this point he’d be hard and wanting, but he just felt empty. She ground against him, “What’s wrong baby? Don’t you want me?”
Tyler felt like throwing up. This was the exact wrong thing to do. He was going to come home drunk and smelling like another woman. He was going to hurt Jeremy. But, damnit! He wanted to. He wanted to cut him as deep as Jeremy’s words had cut him. It wasn’t even about himself and trying to forget anymore. It was about revenge, “Let’s go back to your place Marie.”
She squinted at him, “It’s Mary.” She let go of his hand and looked at him harshly, “Exactly how much have you had to drink and what kind of girl do you think I am?”
Tyler knew it was time to turn on the charm, “I think you’re a classy, beautiful lady who I would love nothing more than to fuck tonight and maybe take to breakfast tomorrow?” He kissed her hand.
She smiled before slapping him, “You’re hammered. You can’t even get it up with my ass all over you. What’s wrong with you? Are you gay?”
Tyler wanted to hit her, but his mother had raised him to never hit a woman and he owed it to her to respect that, “You’re a bitch. I like that.” He had to get his revenge.
Mary fluttered her eyelashes and whispered in his ear, “Baby you have no idea.” She then ground her heel into his foot before walking away.
“Fuck.” She wasn’t his only shot tonight, but damn it all if his heart just wasn’t in it. He was going to go home with another girl’s scent on him. He should probably get home and take a shower.
Maybe this was it.
Maybe he was realizing that it was Jeremy he wanted to be with and that he was it.
Maybe this was his…what did Caroline call it last time they talked? An epiphany? Yeah! That was it.
Maybe this was the big realization that Jeremy was the be all and end all for him.
But could he leave everything behind for one person? Was one person worth his freedom? He couldn’t answer that question. He needed more time to think.
****
Jeremy got back and turned the key. Looking around the kitchen he saw a note on the table.
J,
I needed to think. I’ll be at Twist. Don’t wait up.
Tyler
He slammed his hand into the plaster. It went right through. This was ridiculous. He was the one who was hurt and mad. He couldn’t believe that Tyler could just go out after that conversation and do what he always did. Tyler only went to Twist to find a girl to fuck.
This was it. This was the farthest he could bend before he broke. If Tyler came home tonight then they’d try to work things out. Only, if Tyler smelled like another person then Jeremy wouldn’t be able to do it. He didn’t want to leave him, but he couldn’t, no, he wouldn’t do this. He deserved better. Elena would be laying into him if she was still here.
He pulled out a bottle of Bacardi 151 and did two shots without a chaser. He’d have to have some liquid courage to deal with this.
One hour passed. It was three in the morning. He still wasn’t home. Jeremy did another shot.
Another half hour passed. Three thirty. Jeremy did another shot.
An hour and fifteen minutes passed. He couldn’t live like this.
Jeremy went to his room and called Damon. He’d be up. He was in New York. It was only one forty five there.
“Gilbert?” Damon asked, unsure of why he was calling.
Jeremy took a deep breath, “I know you and Caroline are about to go off the map again. I need a place to stay.”
“So I guess things with you and wolf-boy didn’t work out. I told you he was bad news. But oh well.” He snorted, “Caroline got a job as a model in Italy. We’re going to probably stay in Florence. I own a house there. There’s more than enough room for you to stay there.”
“I’ll get a job and pay you back, I promise.” Jeremy swore. He was throwing things haphazardly into bags. There were a lot of things he didn’t need, stuff he’d accrued over the two years of living in San Francisco. He did grab his dad’s guitar, Elena’s picture, Jenna’s wedding ring, Alaric’s ring, Stefan’s leather jacket, an armband Anna had given him for no reason, and some other mementos. The last thing he grabbed was a picture of everyone before Klaus had come to town. Jenna and Alaric had their arms around each other, Elena was sprawled across his, Damon, and Stefan’s laps, Caroline was between Tyler and Matt, standing behind the couch, and Bonnie was sitting beside him. It was his favorite picture other than the picture of his parents on their vow renewal.
Damon snorted, “I promised your sister I’d always take care of you and I always will. You’re free to get a job, but I won’t be taking any money from you.” And in true Damon Salvatore fashion he hung up
He didn’t grab anything he’d gotten from Tyler or Tyler’s room. He carefully packed everything in his two huge suitcases. He was ready to go, but before he went he needed something. He needed one last time.
****
Tyler got home at six am to find Jeremy waiting for him in his bed. His eyes were glassy as if he had been crying. Tyler didn’t know what to do so he sat beside him and hugged him as hard as he could. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. Tyler looked up at Jeremy and sighed, “I don’t know what to do. I care about you, but I’m scared and I don’t know if I can promise you that I love you or that if one day I do, that I’ll love you for forever. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want that more than anything.” He took a deep breath, “There’s this huge part of me that wonders if we should just break it off now because it’d be easier in the long run.”
Jeremy snorted and tried to disengage himself from Tyler’s arms, but Tyler held on tight. Jeremy finally gave up fighting the embrace. It wasn’t worth the trouble and he missed him. He knew he’d miss him even more when he left.
He buried his head into Tyler’s shoulder. Tyler smelled like someone else. Jeremy couldn’t do this anymore, “You’re going to hurt me either way. You can’t make up your mind so you’re going to either keep doing what you’ve been doing or you’re going to break my heart by leaving me.”
Jeremy took a deep breath, “I can’t keep doing this anymore. You’ve made me bend as far as I can and I’m at my breaking point.” He thought for a moment, “No, scratch that, I’m already breaking. You’re not in this, not the way I want you to be and not the way I need you to be. I can’t do this anymore. I love you, but I’m done. I won’t do this again. I won’t wait for you. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
Tyler let him go and sat up, “What? When did you decide this?” A million questions poured out of his mouth, “Where are you going? Who are you going to be with? Why?” Then came the most unnerving question of all, “If you love me so much, then how can you leave me?”
Jeremy got up. He wasn’t going to continue this conversation, “Look I’m not going to tell you where I’m going. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk to you again. Maybe one day we can actually be friends, but I’m not making any kind of promises. I’m packed.” He paused, his throat clogged, “I’m sorry.”
As he went to his room Tyler chased after him, “So that’s it. You’re going to drop this bomb on me and just leave me here to be alone.” He grabbed his hands.
“I’m sure you’ll have one of your whores to keep you company.”
Tyler felt like he’d stabbed him in his heart. He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t do anything, but the one thing he thought might change his mind. He grabbed his face and kissed him softly. Jeremy kissed back. The kiss built up, their hands roaming each other’s bodies.
They moved together, their clothes unbearable, but the thought of parting even more so. “I want to make you feel special,” Tyler whispered into Jeremy’s ear. He never stopped kissing him as he led him to the bathroom.
Their mouths worked feverishly against each other. Undressing each other in a hurried fashion their lips never left each other until they were taking off their shirts and getting into the shower.
Jeremy washed Tyler gently, doing something they’d never done before. Tyler’d always been up for shower sex, but he didn’t like the intimacy of washing each other. Jeremy washed the scent of the other person off of him slowly and sensuously until all he could smell was soap and Tyler. He kissed him slowly as he brought him to hardness, soaping up his dick as Tyler washed him.
Jeremy watched the water sluice down Tyler’s hard body. He turned and ground his ass against Tyler, hoping he’d get the message. He continued to kiss Tyler softly, his head turned towards his mouth, his arm wrapped around Tyler’s neck to bring him closer.
Tyler felt the spray of the water beat on his back as he pushed a finger into Jeremy. They both moaned, Tyler at the tight heat and Jeremy at the sensation of his finger. “More,” he pleaded. Tyler inserted another finger, listening to Jeremy’s pants and moans, holding back his own moans so that he could hear Jeremy. It was almost always about him, but tonight was about Jeremy. “More.” Tyler slipped a third finger trying to adequately prepare him. They hadn’t done this many times. In their year of being together they’d done this a total of five times. Jeremy, they found out quickly, liked to bottom far more than Tyler did. Tyler could only bottom once. He felt too vulnerable to do it again.
Jeremy felt himself start to shake and cry. He was sure that Tyler thought it was from the pleasure, but Jeremy had other reasons. He felt Tyler enter him and cried out. It was an interesting mixture of pleasure and pain. He’d always loved doing this, he’d never felt closer to Tyler than he did in these moments.
Tyler hadn’t moved and they were still kissing. A part of him wondered why they didn’t do this more often. It felt better than any girl did. “Move,” Jeremy whispered when he felt ready. At first, it was fast and brutal. Jeremy was bent over, his hands braced against the wall. It felt amazing. Jeremy couldn’t hold onto himself and gave up on trying to get off. He felt it slapping his stomach with every movement. Jeremy lost himself in the moment. Then, Tyler hit something inside of him and all he could see were blurs of black dots in his vision. He screamed. The neighbors were going to hate Tyler in the morning.
Then something happened. Jeremy didn’t know what came over Tyler, but Tyler pulled him up against him, so that his back was against Tyler’s hard chest and he bit his neck, much like a vampire. Jeremy knew he was marking him. Suddenly he was sucking and kissing on the place where he’d bit him, trying to soothe it, moving slowly, almost lovingly in and out of him. His hand pumped him slowly and firmly. Jeremy couldn’t help the tears falling down his face, “I love you,” he whispered so that Tyler wouldn’t hear him over the water.
“Come with me. Please Jeremy,” Tyler pleaded. His voice was nothing more than a breathless whisper. It was chilling. Jeremy felt himself tighten and as he emptied himself on the shower wall, he felt Tyler come hard inside of him.
They stood that way for awhile. Tyler hugging him, holding him like he knew this was the last time. He turned him to look at him. “I’m sorry.” He said with tears in his eyes. Jeremy let his tears fall too. They kissed and got out of the shower, not bothering to dry off.
They lay in Jeremy’s bed, wet and unable to sleep. They were both tired, but they couldn’t bring themselves to let each other go.
Tyler broke the silence, “What am I going to do with all your stuff? I can’t…I can’t look at it every day. It’d be like a ghost in the house. I’d always be waiting for you to come back.”
“Sell it.” Jeremy said emotionlessly. He looked at Tyler, “I know you’re not going to say it back, but I want you to know that I love you, that I will always love you, and I’m not leaving because I stopped. I’m leaving because I can’t live like this anymore.” The emotion clogged up in his throat and he let out a sob. He started crying into Tyler’s chest. “I want to stay more than anything in this world.” He choked out.
“Then stay.”
“I can’t.” And with that, they fell asleep; Jeremy still crying into Tyler’s chest.
****
Tyler woke to an empty bed. He expected to see Jeremy getting ready or something like that. He expected him to say goodbye. He padded into the kitchen, still no Jeremy. He walked over to the front of the apartment and looked at the table under the jacket hooks. There was a key, a broken cell phone, and a note. He opened the note.
Tyler,
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t say goodbye. I wasn’t strong enough. I would have stayed if you asked me to and I just can’t. Not when you can’t promise me that you’re mine or even tell me that you love me. I love you. I’m changing my number. I’ll call you when I’m ready.”
-Jeremy
Tyler got out a bottle of vodka and poured it into a cup.
Jeremy was gone.
And it was all his fault.
Fin.
Disclaimer:I don’t own anything about TVD. If I did, well things would have progressed far differently.
Rating: M or hard R
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries
Pairing: Jeremy Gilbert/Tyler Lockwood
Word Count: 5,332
Summary: What do you do when you just can’t anymore? What do you do when you love someone so much and they can’t give you that back? You bend. You keep going until you can’t anymore. And then you break.
A/N: This is for my Unmarriable Soulmate for our Ten Year Friendaversary. This is a !verse. It goes AU after Tyler leaves Mystic Falls with Jules. This is 1 in a series of 3 ONE SHOTS. There is a prequel and there is a sequel, this just happens to be the one I wanted to write first. I’m writing the prequel next and then the sequel, but anyways I really hope you guys like it. And Fluffy I hope you like it most of all. Also the song used is Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap.
You Make My Heart Bleed
Tyler trailed his lips down Jeremy’s collarbone, groaning as he felt the other boy’s erection growing against his thigh. “Do you know what you do to me?” He growled.
Jeremy cupped the front of Tyler’s pants and smirked, “I think I have some idea.” He rubbed the material of his jeans slowly and methodically. It was tantalizing. Tyler laid his head against Jeremy’s shoulder and sighed. Jeremy smiled and sped up his motions, “Do you like that?”
Growling, Tyler pushed the younger boy into the wall. The plaster made a whining sound, but didn’t crack this time which meant less wall for the boys to repair when they woke in the morning. “You know I do,” he purred into his ear as he ground the front of his jeans against Jeremy, “and I can tell that you like it too.”
Jeremy felt himself pulse as Tyler pulled down the zipper to his jeans. He wasn’t going to last long this time and he knew it. To avoid embarrassment he pulled the zipper of Tyler’s jeans down and slowly inched his hand into the other boy’s pants. Tyler’s breathing sped up to the point that Jeremy was worried that he might hyperventilate. When his hand made contact with Tyler’s member Tyler groaned in frustration. “What do you want me to do Tyler? Do you want me to do this?” He stroked slowly and methodically, smiling evilly when Tyler shook his head.
Jeremy’s hand sped up, “What about this?” He felt himself throbbing in his pants, his own erection begging for attention. He ignored the urge. This was about Tyler.
Tyler shook his head again and Jeremy smiled again, “What do you want me to do Tyler? Tell me,” he commanded.
Tyler tried his damndest to control his breathing, but he couldn’t. “You know what I want.” He panted from his place on Jeremy’s shoulder. His knees were bound to give out on him. They needed to move this to somewhere where he could sit and watch or, at the very least, hold himself up. Jeremy could probably do that by himself, but Tyler wanted all Jeremy’s his focus on him.
Jeremy firmly grabbed his dick, pumping even harder, “Tell me Tyler. Say my name and tell me. I want you to beg for it.” It had always been like this between them. Sex was a battle of he-man will. They never kept score though, if Jeremy guessed, they were pretty even. And tonight Tyler was going to be his bitch, that is, if he would just give in.
Tyler groaned at the added pressure. He never really liked guys, he still didn’t like guys. He only liked Jeremy. It was a weird sensation to like someone so much, when you’d never really noticed another guy before. And not only that, but to be so incredibly turned on by them, so incredibly turned on that no one else could do it for you like they did. It was all new to him.
He hissed at Jeremy’s request. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t like intimacy in these situations. He didn’t even like kissing in these situations. Yeah, they made out and even looked into each other’s eyes with so much lust that you could cut the tension with a knife. But somehow Jeremy always brought him out of his comfort zone, even if it was an absolute struggle. He looked up to Jeremy and kissed him hard.
Jeremy saw the conflict there. He knew that Tyler didn’t like the whole intimacy part of sex, but it was fun getting him to bend to his will. He kissed him hard, still stroking, tongues sliding across each other sensually, almost roughly. He bit Tyler’s lip and sucked on it to soothe the bite. This was how they liked it. Hard then sweet, the rough and tumble of it all made it interesting, but even more so it was the fact that the position of submissive and dominant was traded so often. That wasn’t to say it was given freely, but it happened. Breaking the kiss, his stomach warm and tingly, his head higher than when he’d ever smoked weed or done drugs, he looked at Tyler with a want in his eyes that took the other boy aback, “Tell me what you want Tyler.”
It sounded seductive and silky, almost like a compulsion from Caroline back when she’d tried to compel Matt. He focused on the physical pleasure he was feeling. “Jeremy,” he groaned throatily, “I want your mouth on my dick. Now.”
The tables had turned and Jeremy felt like he could explode at any moment. Shoving Tyler’s pants down and spinning him so that he was leaning against the wall Jeremy licked a long line from the base to tip of Tyler’s thick penis. Swirling his tongue around the tip he felt Tyler’s hand in his hair, grasping at the short strands and trying to roughly push Jeremy’s mouth onto his member.
Jeremy was having none of that. He took the tip of Tyler’s erection into his mouth and sucked lightly, tasting the precum that had accumulated during his thorough hand job.
Tyler felt his knees get weak and had to take his hands out of Jeremy’s hair to hold onto the molding in the middle of the wall. He couldn’t get over the image of Jeremy on his knees, head between his legs, sucking his cock. It was intoxicating. Now only if he would take all of him into his mouth, “Jeremy please,” he begged.
Jeremy decided that it was time to stop teasing him and in a quick motion took all of Tyler into his mouth and into his throat. Working his throat muscles around his cock it didn’t take long for Tyler to start pulsing into his mouth.
Tyler knew his release was imminent, he knew that he wasn’t going to last long, and he was right. As Jeremy hummed around his member Tyler’s world exploded.
****
Lying in bed later Jeremy stroked Tyler’s head. He was fast asleep. He thought about how they got here. It wasn’t a pretty story. He’d found an ad for an apartment in San Francisco, where he’d been living for the past four years. The lease on his apartment was up and the apartment was gorgeous. All he had to do was put up with a roommate. It didn’t occur to him that the Lockwood that was looking for a roommate could be Tyler. It wasn’t a common name, but as far as he knew from Jenna and Bonnie he was back in Mystic Falls after four years.
Jeremy had no interest in rekindling that friendship at the time. Tyler hadn’t been there when Jeremy had to watch his sister bleed out on a table while Klaus tried to break a curse that didn’t even exist. He didn’t have to watch Alaric take on Elijah, who switched sides at the last minute, and die. He didn’t have to watch Damon and Caroline leave because they couldn’t deal with the fact that Stefan had been burned at the stake as a vampire sacrifice. He didn’t even come to any of their funerals. They all mourned. They all needed each other. Caroline especially could have used Tyler when her mother and Matt told her to leave town with Damon or they’d stake them both. He’d hated him for leaving them all. They were all friends. They’d depended on each other. They’d needed each other. And Tyler wasn’t there for any of it.
When they saw each other they’d ended up in a fistfight and Jeremy decided to not take the apartment. It was actually Tyler who came back and asked him to move in. Jeremy knew that it took a lot to do it, to apologize, because Tyler was, and always had been such a prideful person. It made Jeremy think Tyler had changed, not enough to forgive him, but enough to want to give him another chance to redeem himself.
It had been good at first, but then Jeremy had started to feel a growing attraction to him. He’d known he was bisexual since he’d broken up with Bonnie. He’d even wondered if he was gay sometimes, but, if he was, what was the explanation for Vicki, Anna, and Bonnie? He had felt something for them, something real. But once he and Tyler had started connecting, he realized he’d never felt like this before. What he felt for Tyler was like the beginning of the end. Caroline, Damon, and Bonnie warned him to be careful, but he’d never listened.
Their first kiss? He wasn’t even going to get into that mess. It was two years after that disaster and they’d been together for a year, unfortunately even that was flawed. Jeremy loved Tyler, but had yet to tell him that, and not only that but there were complications that he didn’t even want to get into. Tyler didn’t want to share them with the world. Jenna, Bonnie, Damon, Matt, and Caroline knew, but that was only because Jeremy talked to them on the regular.
Jeremy was getting tired of all the secrecy. He got out of Tyler’s bed and went into his own.
****
Jeremy woke up screaming. He had another dream about Elena, seeing her dead eyes and not being able to get to her in time. Tyler came rushing in. Jeremy looked at the clock and saw the time, one am. He could probably go to a bar if he wanted to, but Tyler didn’t like that. His jealously tended to get out of control sometimes, but it wasn’t like he slept with anyone else. Tyler, on the other hand, was a different story.
“Are you all right?” Tyler asked as he climbed into bed with Jeremy and held him to his side.
As Tyler stroked his hair, Jeremy shook his head. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy the moment, but he couldn’t. These moments were few and far between, but he couldn’t get Elena’s eyes out of his mind. He pulled away from Tyler. This wasn’t comforting and Jeremy was on the edge of starting a fight just for the hell of it. “I don’t want to talk about it. You should go back to your room.”
“Jeremy you woke up screaming. I want,” he swallowed nervously, “I want to be there for you.”
Jeremy threw the covers off of himself and stood up, looking around his room trying not to throw something. This was so frustrating! He didn’t know what do. “Just go. I don’t feel like talking and I don’t want to talk to you. I’ll call Bonnie or something. She was actually there,” he mumbled under his breath.
Unfortunately Tyler heard it, “I thought we were over this? Everyone else has forgiven me for it. If Damon can forgive me you can. And for that matter I was under the impression that you had forgiven me for it.” He stopped and looked at Jeremy, his eyes searching, “Your dream was about Elena wasn’t it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Jeremy reiterated as he yanked on a pair of his jeans and angrily put a shirt on.
“Why are you getting dressed?” Tyler asked, confused and hurt that Jeremy was acting like this. Damnit! He was concerned. He was opening up! He was showing that he cared. Jeremy could at least give him credit for that.
“I’m going out.”
“Why?”
“I need to get out of this fucking house, away from you and all the fucking memories.” Jeremy spat. He put on his brown leather jacket and headed towards the door.
Tyler grabbed his arm and kissed him. It was soft and Jeremy sighed into the kiss. They barely ever kissed like this, just to be there and comfort. Tyler broke away and stoked his cheek, “Please don’t go.” He kissed him again, holding his face in his hands, not deepening it just kissing him.
A tear dropped down Jeremy’s cheek, “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” Tyler asked as he kissed the tear away. His thumb caressed his face comfortingly. “This?” He kissed him again, eyes open, searching Jeremy’s for something he couldn’t quite place.
There was an intimacy in it that Jeremy had never experienced before. Kissing with his eyes gazing into Tyler’s, it was amazing and his heart almost broke. “Why do you do this?”
“Do what?”
Tyler stopped holding his face and led him to the couch, sitting him down and sitting beside him, “Act like you care about me.”
“I do.”
“Then why do we have an open relationship? Why do you fuck other people?”
“I only fuck other girls. And it’s only fucking girls. I don’t fuck any guy, but you.” Tyler said, as if that meant something different.
“That’s the problem.” Jeremy whispered.
Tyler was confused, “What do you mean? I don’t even bring them here.”
“But I don’t fuck you Tyler. Actually, I don’t screw anybody else. Period. Having sex with you is...” He took a deep breath, “It means more to me than it does to you. I love you and you don’t seem to get that.”
Tyler blanched. He wasn’t expecting that. He didn’t know what to say. His mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish and that was all the answer Jeremy needed. He pushed Tyler away.
“You keep hurting me and you don’t even realize it. Or maybe you do. I don’t know cause I can’t read you like I can read everyone else. So I’m done. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of meaningless sex. I’m just tired. So make up your mind Lockwood. You’re either all in or I’m out.” He knew Tyler didn’t deal well with ultimatums and he’d probably be angry and adverse about it. He steeled himself for his reaction. He hated that this felt like the end.
“Fine! Go. Just leave. Everyone else does anyways. Why shouldn’t you? I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be. I’m sorry that I’m not ready for what you are. But I care about you. You’re the one I come home to. Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
“You come home smelling like other people!” Jeremy shouted. “I don’t want to have sex when you smell like some girl’s perfume. I just don’t. So don’t act stupid because you know exactly what you’re doing. I hate that you almost never touch me just because. I don’t want you to hold me because I just had a nightmare or because you feel like you have to after we have sex. I want people to know that you’re mine and that’s one of the problems.” Tyler looked at him quizzically, so he continued, “I’m completely yours and you’re never mine.”
Tyler was scared. He didn’t know what to say or do. His breath same in short bursts, but he wasn’t turned on. He was absolutely terrified. He didn’t want to lose Jeremy. The thought made him sick, but then he thought about it. How dare he try to control him? How dare he try to give him an ultimatum? This wasn’t just about him. “Look, I need to think. If you want to go, just go because I can’t deal with this right now.” He looked at Jeremy. “I mean what the fuck man? How did we even get on this subject? I thought we were doing good.”
Jeremy headed for the door, but before he left he spoke, “Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe it’s what always was. We’re just on different pages.” He let the door shut.
Tyler hung his head. He hadn’t felt like this since he found out Caroline knew about Mason. He felt like his world was crashing down on him.
****
Jeremy put the earbuds in his ears, turning on his iPod, and laughing at the irony of the song that was playing. As the first line played he smiled incredulously and turned it up.
Here’s the day you hoped would never come, don’t feed me violins just run with me through rows of speeding cars
Jeremy walked down the street in his neighborhood. He didn’t have a car. He didn’t ever want one. He liked walking everywhere he wanted to go and if it was too far he could always use public transportation.
The paper cuts of cheating lovers, the coffee’s never strong enough, I know you think it’s more than just bad luck
He didn’t know what to think about what had transpired. He really wanted to call Bonnie or Caroline or even Damon. He could hear their voices in his head, consoling him, telling him there were other fish in the sea, saying that he deserved better. The thing was though that he didn’t want better. He wanted Tyler. He loved him so much. Leaving Tyler would be like leaving a part of him behind. Plus, he’d left his cell phone at the apartment.
There there baby it’s just textbook stuff. It’s in the abc’s of growing up.
In all of this, Jeremy couldn’t help but think about what he deserved and needed. He couldn’t keep living like this, living where he was constantly wondering if Tyler was with someone else, his heart breaking every damn time he came home smelling like someone else. Jeremy didn’t give a damn if he slept with another man or woman. Tyler was twenty-fucking-four years old. He could do as he pleased, except that he shouldn’t want to. The thing Jeremy gave a damn about was that it hurt, it made him feel like he wasn’t important, and that he was disposable. He didn’t want to be disposable. He wanted to be wanted, needed, and loved.
There there darling oh don’t lose your head
He thought about giving Tyler a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he should go to a bar or the gay club and have meaningless sex with someone. It would show him what Tyler really thought and felt, but the thought of it made Jeremy sick. He didn’t want someone else, he wanted Tyler, but I seemed like he would never get all of him.
Cause none of us are angels and you know I love you yes
He kept walking. He had a lot to think about.
****
The bass was thrumming a spectacular beat through his body. He couldn’t help but grind against the girl in front of him. She was pretty by any person’s standards. She was blonde haired, green eyed, and tanned. Tyler couldn’t keep his hands off of her…or at least that was what he was telling himself. Her name was Marie or Marlie or something, but he really couldn’t focus on that .
Truth was he was thinking about Jeremy. He was imagining Jeremy’s lean, hard body dancing up against him in this club instead of Marjorie or whatever her name was. The realization almost made him stop dancing. He had to do something to distract himself.
Tyler kissed the girl on the dance floor hard. He didn’t feel anything for her. Usually at this point he’d be hard and wanting, but he just felt empty. She ground against him, “What’s wrong baby? Don’t you want me?”
Tyler felt like throwing up. This was the exact wrong thing to do. He was going to come home drunk and smelling like another woman. He was going to hurt Jeremy. But, damnit! He wanted to. He wanted to cut him as deep as Jeremy’s words had cut him. It wasn’t even about himself and trying to forget anymore. It was about revenge, “Let’s go back to your place Marie.”
She squinted at him, “It’s Mary.” She let go of his hand and looked at him harshly, “Exactly how much have you had to drink and what kind of girl do you think I am?”
Tyler knew it was time to turn on the charm, “I think you’re a classy, beautiful lady who I would love nothing more than to fuck tonight and maybe take to breakfast tomorrow?” He kissed her hand.
She smiled before slapping him, “You’re hammered. You can’t even get it up with my ass all over you. What’s wrong with you? Are you gay?”
Tyler wanted to hit her, but his mother had raised him to never hit a woman and he owed it to her to respect that, “You’re a bitch. I like that.” He had to get his revenge.
Mary fluttered her eyelashes and whispered in his ear, “Baby you have no idea.” She then ground her heel into his foot before walking away.
“Fuck.” She wasn’t his only shot tonight, but damn it all if his heart just wasn’t in it. He was going to go home with another girl’s scent on him. He should probably get home and take a shower.
Maybe this was it.
Maybe he was realizing that it was Jeremy he wanted to be with and that he was it.
Maybe this was his…what did Caroline call it last time they talked? An epiphany? Yeah! That was it.
Maybe this was the big realization that Jeremy was the be all and end all for him.
But could he leave everything behind for one person? Was one person worth his freedom? He couldn’t answer that question. He needed more time to think.
****
Jeremy got back and turned the key. Looking around the kitchen he saw a note on the table.
J,
I needed to think. I’ll be at Twist. Don’t wait up.
Tyler
He slammed his hand into the plaster. It went right through. This was ridiculous. He was the one who was hurt and mad. He couldn’t believe that Tyler could just go out after that conversation and do what he always did. Tyler only went to Twist to find a girl to fuck.
This was it. This was the farthest he could bend before he broke. If Tyler came home tonight then they’d try to work things out. Only, if Tyler smelled like another person then Jeremy wouldn’t be able to do it. He didn’t want to leave him, but he couldn’t, no, he wouldn’t do this. He deserved better. Elena would be laying into him if she was still here.
He pulled out a bottle of Bacardi 151 and did two shots without a chaser. He’d have to have some liquid courage to deal with this.
One hour passed. It was three in the morning. He still wasn’t home. Jeremy did another shot.
Another half hour passed. Three thirty. Jeremy did another shot.
An hour and fifteen minutes passed. He couldn’t live like this.
Jeremy went to his room and called Damon. He’d be up. He was in New York. It was only one forty five there.
“Gilbert?” Damon asked, unsure of why he was calling.
Jeremy took a deep breath, “I know you and Caroline are about to go off the map again. I need a place to stay.”
“So I guess things with you and wolf-boy didn’t work out. I told you he was bad news. But oh well.” He snorted, “Caroline got a job as a model in Italy. We’re going to probably stay in Florence. I own a house there. There’s more than enough room for you to stay there.”
“I’ll get a job and pay you back, I promise.” Jeremy swore. He was throwing things haphazardly into bags. There were a lot of things he didn’t need, stuff he’d accrued over the two years of living in San Francisco. He did grab his dad’s guitar, Elena’s picture, Jenna’s wedding ring, Alaric’s ring, Stefan’s leather jacket, an armband Anna had given him for no reason, and some other mementos. The last thing he grabbed was a picture of everyone before Klaus had come to town. Jenna and Alaric had their arms around each other, Elena was sprawled across his, Damon, and Stefan’s laps, Caroline was between Tyler and Matt, standing behind the couch, and Bonnie was sitting beside him. It was his favorite picture other than the picture of his parents on their vow renewal.
Damon snorted, “I promised your sister I’d always take care of you and I always will. You’re free to get a job, but I won’t be taking any money from you.” And in true Damon Salvatore fashion he hung up
He didn’t grab anything he’d gotten from Tyler or Tyler’s room. He carefully packed everything in his two huge suitcases. He was ready to go, but before he went he needed something. He needed one last time.
****
Tyler got home at six am to find Jeremy waiting for him in his bed. His eyes were glassy as if he had been crying. Tyler didn’t know what to do so he sat beside him and hugged him as hard as he could. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. Tyler looked up at Jeremy and sighed, “I don’t know what to do. I care about you, but I’m scared and I don’t know if I can promise you that I love you or that if one day I do, that I’ll love you for forever. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want that more than anything.” He took a deep breath, “There’s this huge part of me that wonders if we should just break it off now because it’d be easier in the long run.”
Jeremy snorted and tried to disengage himself from Tyler’s arms, but Tyler held on tight. Jeremy finally gave up fighting the embrace. It wasn’t worth the trouble and he missed him. He knew he’d miss him even more when he left.
He buried his head into Tyler’s shoulder. Tyler smelled like someone else. Jeremy couldn’t do this anymore, “You’re going to hurt me either way. You can’t make up your mind so you’re going to either keep doing what you’ve been doing or you’re going to break my heart by leaving me.”
Jeremy took a deep breath, “I can’t keep doing this anymore. You’ve made me bend as far as I can and I’m at my breaking point.” He thought for a moment, “No, scratch that, I’m already breaking. You’re not in this, not the way I want you to be and not the way I need you to be. I can’t do this anymore. I love you, but I’m done. I won’t do this again. I won’t wait for you. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
Tyler let him go and sat up, “What? When did you decide this?” A million questions poured out of his mouth, “Where are you going? Who are you going to be with? Why?” Then came the most unnerving question of all, “If you love me so much, then how can you leave me?”
Jeremy got up. He wasn’t going to continue this conversation, “Look I’m not going to tell you where I’m going. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk to you again. Maybe one day we can actually be friends, but I’m not making any kind of promises. I’m packed.” He paused, his throat clogged, “I’m sorry.”
As he went to his room Tyler chased after him, “So that’s it. You’re going to drop this bomb on me and just leave me here to be alone.” He grabbed his hands.
“I’m sure you’ll have one of your whores to keep you company.”
Tyler felt like he’d stabbed him in his heart. He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t do anything, but the one thing he thought might change his mind. He grabbed his face and kissed him softly. Jeremy kissed back. The kiss built up, their hands roaming each other’s bodies.
They moved together, their clothes unbearable, but the thought of parting even more so. “I want to make you feel special,” Tyler whispered into Jeremy’s ear. He never stopped kissing him as he led him to the bathroom.
Their mouths worked feverishly against each other. Undressing each other in a hurried fashion their lips never left each other until they were taking off their shirts and getting into the shower.
Jeremy washed Tyler gently, doing something they’d never done before. Tyler’d always been up for shower sex, but he didn’t like the intimacy of washing each other. Jeremy washed the scent of the other person off of him slowly and sensuously until all he could smell was soap and Tyler. He kissed him slowly as he brought him to hardness, soaping up his dick as Tyler washed him.
Jeremy watched the water sluice down Tyler’s hard body. He turned and ground his ass against Tyler, hoping he’d get the message. He continued to kiss Tyler softly, his head turned towards his mouth, his arm wrapped around Tyler’s neck to bring him closer.
Tyler felt the spray of the water beat on his back as he pushed a finger into Jeremy. They both moaned, Tyler at the tight heat and Jeremy at the sensation of his finger. “More,” he pleaded. Tyler inserted another finger, listening to Jeremy’s pants and moans, holding back his own moans so that he could hear Jeremy. It was almost always about him, but tonight was about Jeremy. “More.” Tyler slipped a third finger trying to adequately prepare him. They hadn’t done this many times. In their year of being together they’d done this a total of five times. Jeremy, they found out quickly, liked to bottom far more than Tyler did. Tyler could only bottom once. He felt too vulnerable to do it again.
Jeremy felt himself start to shake and cry. He was sure that Tyler thought it was from the pleasure, but Jeremy had other reasons. He felt Tyler enter him and cried out. It was an interesting mixture of pleasure and pain. He’d always loved doing this, he’d never felt closer to Tyler than he did in these moments.
Tyler hadn’t moved and they were still kissing. A part of him wondered why they didn’t do this more often. It felt better than any girl did. “Move,” Jeremy whispered when he felt ready. At first, it was fast and brutal. Jeremy was bent over, his hands braced against the wall. It felt amazing. Jeremy couldn’t hold onto himself and gave up on trying to get off. He felt it slapping his stomach with every movement. Jeremy lost himself in the moment. Then, Tyler hit something inside of him and all he could see were blurs of black dots in his vision. He screamed. The neighbors were going to hate Tyler in the morning.
Then something happened. Jeremy didn’t know what came over Tyler, but Tyler pulled him up against him, so that his back was against Tyler’s hard chest and he bit his neck, much like a vampire. Jeremy knew he was marking him. Suddenly he was sucking and kissing on the place where he’d bit him, trying to soothe it, moving slowly, almost lovingly in and out of him. His hand pumped him slowly and firmly. Jeremy couldn’t help the tears falling down his face, “I love you,” he whispered so that Tyler wouldn’t hear him over the water.
“Come with me. Please Jeremy,” Tyler pleaded. His voice was nothing more than a breathless whisper. It was chilling. Jeremy felt himself tighten and as he emptied himself on the shower wall, he felt Tyler come hard inside of him.
They stood that way for awhile. Tyler hugging him, holding him like he knew this was the last time. He turned him to look at him. “I’m sorry.” He said with tears in his eyes. Jeremy let his tears fall too. They kissed and got out of the shower, not bothering to dry off.
They lay in Jeremy’s bed, wet and unable to sleep. They were both tired, but they couldn’t bring themselves to let each other go.
Tyler broke the silence, “What am I going to do with all your stuff? I can’t…I can’t look at it every day. It’d be like a ghost in the house. I’d always be waiting for you to come back.”
“Sell it.” Jeremy said emotionlessly. He looked at Tyler, “I know you’re not going to say it back, but I want you to know that I love you, that I will always love you, and I’m not leaving because I stopped. I’m leaving because I can’t live like this anymore.” The emotion clogged up in his throat and he let out a sob. He started crying into Tyler’s chest. “I want to stay more than anything in this world.” He choked out.
“Then stay.”
“I can’t.” And with that, they fell asleep; Jeremy still crying into Tyler’s chest.
****
Tyler woke to an empty bed. He expected to see Jeremy getting ready or something like that. He expected him to say goodbye. He padded into the kitchen, still no Jeremy. He walked over to the front of the apartment and looked at the table under the jacket hooks. There was a key, a broken cell phone, and a note. He opened the note.
Tyler,
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t say goodbye. I wasn’t strong enough. I would have stayed if you asked me to and I just can’t. Not when you can’t promise me that you’re mine or even tell me that you love me. I love you. I’m changing my number. I’ll call you when I’m ready.”
-Jeremy
Tyler got out a bottle of vodka and poured it into a cup.
Jeremy was gone.
And it was all his fault.
Fin.