LJ Idol Week #15: Nimbus

[the_vernacular]

I cough, loudly. The bad kind of cough, the asthma cough, the one that wracks my chest with a dry pain

Comments

[yachiru]

I love how you start this. Very immediate.

[the_vernacular]

Thanks! This was sort of a stream of consciousness piece, so I didn't really know where it was going when I wrote that. It's sort of a jumble of different memories mixed up together, not in order.

[similiesslip]

I have asthma too so I also know that odd taste of albuterol.

This was my favorite line:

"the feeling of loving someone from afar, and adoring the perfection of them as if they are a work of art that you are only meant to admire, but never touch?"

Ah yes. I know it only too well.

I really liked this piece, the abandon of it. Sounds like a special memory:)

[the_vernacular]

It's several different memories, not necessarily in order! Thank you!

[myrna_bird]

I love '...the sneakers in the wet grass...tickles up against my ankles.' Just so real. Lovely job.

[the_vernacular]

Thank you! This was just my play-piece. I sort of relaxed and let go for it. It was a good contrast for me from last week.

[basric]

I enjoyed this very much. I love your phrasing. The segueing from one situation to the next. An excellent piece of writing.

[the_vernacular]

Thank you so much! I like that you mentioned the segueing because I very much wrote this in a stream of consciousness way, without thinking about structure or what should come next. It's all pulled from memories, but not in exact order.

[wyliekat]

And here was me thinking the shell thing was his spaceship. ;-}

[the_vernacular]

It might be! I don't know what it was. It sat in the foyer until my roommate threw a fit and made me get rid of it.