Moritz

[the_sweetshrink]

Sweets was working his way through a stack of paperwork, trying to be clear about his sessions with Delirium before he moved on to someone easier like Webster or Willie. He heard the door open and before he even saw who was there, he had the file folder closed. When he saw the face in the doorway he smiled, rose from his seat, and went to greet him

Comments

[onlythedusk]

Moritz smiles nervously, holding his hand out in greeting. "Yes -- good to see you as well. Thank you again, for this. I hope it will help." Melchior can't help him, this time, which is an unsettling feeling in and of itself. "How... does this work, exactly? How do we start?"

[onlythedusk]

"I love him more than anything," he nods, his smile widening.

"Oh god -- I do not remember exactly, but we were quite young. It was a small village, we all grew up together. Played together, the boys and the girls both. But then we went to school, and we did not see the girls as much. The other boys went their own ways, but Melchi stayed." He was the only one, really. But he was all Moritz needed.

[the_sweetshrink]

"And that has carried over to this new place?" he asked, just to clarify. It was rather obvious that it had...and possibly then some.

[onlythedusk]

"Yes..." Moritz answers, his smile turning a little shy as he ducks his head and blushes. "Melchi has helped me through quite a lot of things. He still helps me with school. He's taught me many things. But..."

Moritz chews at his lip, picking at the fabric of the chair. "But sometimes I feel like it is not quite enough. I am very happy with him, but I still do not always feel... right. Feel happy. Does this make sense?"

[the_sweetshrink]

"Insecure?" he supplied. "That's perfectly normal in relationships. I think even more so here. Or is it different...more specific?"

[onlythedusk]

"Not exactly this, no. A little of it, perhaps. But just..." He frowns, biting harder at his lip and pushing his hair out of his face (though it falls right back where it was before). "Not happy. Not with Melchior, I love him. But I just feel..."

Damn, he can't think of the words in English. "Verloren, entleert. Wie ich verletze." Moritz sighs and rubs at his face. "Sometimes I just wish to hide somewhere. To sleep and not wake up. Not to die again but -- " He looks at Dr. Sweets a little pleadingly, "Do you see what I am saying?"

Typist Translation: Lost, empty. Like I hurt.

[the_sweetshrink]

"I do," he replied gently. He was by no means fluent, but he caught the gist of what the words Moritz had chosen meant.

"What do you do when you feel like that, Moritz? Do you act on it? Ignore it?"

[onlythedusk]

"I hide in my room, sometimes, under the covers. I do not always sleep, sometimes I just lay there. If I feel like that, I do not go to school, or do the work I should. It does not really matter here, anyway. The teachers do not punish you. I think, perhaps, Melchi is disappointed when I do not go..."

Moritz uncurls and shifts a little, hiding behind his hair to avoid looking at the doctor. "I think about dying again, sometimes. I miss it. The quiet. Not having to think or feel or do anything or be anything. I can float. Just turn into cobwebs and float over the rooftops..."

[the_sweetshrink]

Thinking about dying wasn't the same as considering suicide, so he didn't feel the need to suggest observation. Sweets instead leaned back in his chair comfortably and cocked his head to the side.

"Is that what it was like? Like floating?"

[onlythedusk]

"Some of the time. I felt light, but not in the way that -- a wind could knock me over. The wind just went through me, but I didn't feel it. I did not feel the sun, either. Just cold. Sometimes, though -- " He looks the slightest bit excited, "Sometimes I could push myself. I could make myself solid. But it took quite a bit of effort. I could not do it for long."

Typist: I saw a commercial for Bones the other day. Sweets was there for like, two seconds. I got excited.

[the_sweetshrink]

"Ethereal," Sweets supplied. "And that feeling, that...sensation...you find comfort in that. Familiarity?"

[onlythedusk]

"I suppose I do, yes. Most of the time it feels easier than living. Just... drifting about. Like a dead leaf. But when I was dead, I missed living. And now that I am living..." He laughs, softly and without humour. "What a strange thing I am."

[the_sweetshrink]

"Your not, not really. Change is hard and a desire for what you had before in normal," Sweets assured him. "Plus, people are never happy with what they have. Or, rather, it's the rare individual who is happy. People in general? No. It's why we strive to move forward and achieve goals, and why we are warmed by nostalgia. I'm actually pleased to hear you say that, Moritz."

[onlythedusk]

"You're pleased to hear me say I miss being dead?" Moritz gives his doctor a puzzled look, shifting in his chair to face Dr. Sweets properly. "I thought... you were supposed to be happy with what you had. That is what my father always told me."

[the_sweetshrink]

"If everyone was happy with what they had, no one would strive for something better," he answered simply. "It's human nature to want something more or better or different. I can almost guarantee that your father wanted more. Being happy with what your with is a coping mechanism in most cases."