Full Circle--Chapter 6/10 (Adult Only)
Title: Full Circle 6/10
Author: lvs2read
Characters: All the crew at various times
Pairing: Mal/Simon
Warnings: Description of past abuse
Rating: Adult Only
Timeline: Takes place within my AU world. One year after Beginnings, shortly after Exploration, and seven years before Family. Chapter 1 of this story can be found here, just be sure to read the warnings. All chapters are interlinked.
Summary: Mal learns a secret from Simon's past.
Translations: In mouseover and at end of text
Author's Notes: Many thanks to woodsong_1978 who told me to go ahead and write this evil plot bunny when I told her about it, and then held my hand all the way through. Thanks, hon! It's a much better story now than it was when I started. Thanks, too, to kispexi2, who wants kink to have meaning. Hope this does now, hon.
Chapter 6/10 Telling Secrets
After an evening of good wine, better food, and pleasant company, Mal and Simon were strolling hand-in-hand back to Serenity. No words were spoken. None were needed. It had been a rough month, but it looked like Simon was well on his way to trusting Mal again, and Mal couldn't be anything but grateful for that.
When they arrived at the cargo bay doors, Mal guided Simon to the side of the ship instead of going inside. Cupping Simon's face with his hands, he said, "Like to kiss you, if that's okay?"
"I'd like that, Mal." Stretching up and leaning down, their lips met in a kiss that was more tentative than their first one had been.
When Simon sighed in contentment, Mal deepened the kiss until they were both breathless. Mal pulled away first and, touching his forehead to Simon's, said, "I'm sorry, băo bèi. I meant to go slow, but …"
"Shh." Simon placed his fingers on Mal's lips. "If it had been too much, I would have stopped. Hold me?"
Mal pulled Simon into his arms, holding him gently. "I've missed you, liànrén," he whispered into Simon's hair.
Simon hugged him tighter. "I've missed you, too, Mal." Stepping back, he continued, "At the risk of ruining a wonderful evening, I have to tell you something. But you have to promise not to get angry. There's nothing you can do about what happened years ago, so there's no point in upsetting yourself."
"Can't promise. But I will promise to try not to."
"Fair enough." Simon hesitated and started to pace under Serenity's engine.
"You wanna go inside? Or you more comfortable out here?"
"What? Oh. Doesn't matter. I suppose out here's fine," Simon waved his hand distractedly before muttering, "Where do I start?"
"Take your time, Simon. We got all night."
"Yes, well… This all happened a long time ago. When I first went to MedAcad, actually. God, I was so young and … green… naïve… whatever." He continued to pace as he told his story. "Anyway, I met this man, not anyone from school, just a man. He was quite a bit older than me. Who wasn't? He was good-looking, witty and charming. To make a long story a little bit shorter, we became lovers." He glanced at Mal to see how he was reacting so far.
Mal just stood there, leaning against Serenity, arms crossed on his chest. He nodded at Simon as if to say 'Continue'.
Simon looked away and went on, "He wasn't my first. But he was my first adult relationship. So… In the beginning everything was fine. He treated me kindly. Made me feel good about myself. Made me feel good. Sure, he was domineering, but I just thought it was because he was older, had seen more of the 'verse than I had, knew things I didn't."
Simon stopped pacing and looked up at the night sky, away from Mal. "I remember the first time I didn't do something the way he wanted it done. I don't remember what the something was, but I do remember what happened. He said I needed to be 'disciplined'."
Simon snorted and Mal ground his teeth in growing awareness.
"He made me take off my clothes and lie across his knees, and then he held me down and spanked me. Spanked me with his bare hand, while I struggled to get away. Told me I was thoughtless and needed to learn self-control, but that if I stopped struggling, everything would be better. He didn't stop until I no longer felt pain, only pleasure. And then he… raped me, for lack of a better term. It wasn't lovemaking, that's for sure." Simon paused, shuddering as he breathed deep.
Mal growled low in his throat, but was still in control of himself when Simon looked at him.
"Shall I go on?" Simon asked.
"If you need to."
"Yes, now that I've started I really think I do. I'll spare you the sordid details, though. Suffice it to say that that wasn't the last time I was 'disciplined'. And every time, it became… stricter?… harsher?" He shrugged and continued, "He called me names--slut, whore, bastard, idiot. He used different things to 'discipline' me--hair brush, paddle, riding crop, belt. And when I wouldn't stop struggling, he tied me down so I couldn't move. And every time, every time, there was unwanted pleasure after the pain. Pleasure from the pain. From the fucking. From the kissing afterwards. From knowing that I'd pleased him by handling his 'discipline'."
By the time he finished, Simon was visibly shaking, arms wrapped around himself, trying to maintain control.
Mal swallowed the bitterness he felt rising in himself and walked over to stand next to Simon. "Can I hold you?"
"Oh, God. Please do!" He felt Mal's arms slip loosely around him, and he leaned into the warm embrace. Tears started to fall down his face, but he wiped them away. Not now. I can do this. I have to do this.
He felt more than heard Mal's whispered, "Is that all?"
He shook his head and continued, "Almost. The last time he 'disciplined' me, I ended up in the hospital with broken ribs and internal bleeding, not to mention two black eyes and bruises over most of my body. You see, that time he used his fists.
"My father had him arrested for assault and I never saw him again. By the time I was out of the hospital, he was in prison. I never told anyone about our sexual relationship, though I'm sure most of my fellow students knew. They just didn't care. I heard more than one whispered 'Jumped up smart ass got his'.
"After that I threw myself into my studies. I had no interest in pursuing a sexual relationship with anyone, although I did eventually become seriously involved with someone. But that's another story. And not one that matters any more." He turned in Mal's embrace, wrapping his arms around Mal's waist, and holding on like he never wanted to let go.
"Can I ask you somethin'?" Mal asked quietly, his chin resting on the top of Simon's head.
"Anything."
"Why'd you stay? Why didn't you leave that yī gè fŭhuàzhe pofù hé yī gè húnwú yāo guài láizì shēnchù de dìyù de bèn tāmā de húndàn érzi?"
"I told you. I was young and stupid. I didn't know I could. And even if I'd known I could, I wouldn't have known how. So, in a sense, it's a good thing he beat me half to death. At least I got away from him. I vowed then never to let anyone else tie me up and cause me pain. And then…" If possible, he hugged Mal even tighter.
"And then I did it. Oh, God, Simon," Mal groaned, "I am so very sorry."
"You didn't know." He rubbed his cheek against Mal's chest.
"But I should've asked. I should've paid attention."
"Even if you'd asked, I probably wouldn't have been able to explain why, even though I trusted you, I couldn't let you tie me up. And if you'd mentioned disciplining me… I don't know. Maybe it's better it happened this way. At least now you know the whole sordid story." He tipped his head back and asked in all seriousness, "Nĭ yī rán ài wŏ ma?"
Mal cupped Simon's face in both his hands as he said, "How could I not? For a Core-bred rich kid, you've had a hell of a life. But it's made you the man you are today. Yes, Simon, wŏ ài nĭ. So much it hurts, and I'll do anythin' I can to make up for the pain I've caused." He claimed Simon's mouth in a tender, but passionate, kiss, pouring into it all his love and sorrow.
When they broke apart, Simon asked, "Make love to me?"
"My pleasure, băo bèi. My pleasure."
băo bèi=sweetheart
liànrén=lover
yī gè fŭhuàzhe pofù hé yī gè húnwú yāo guài láizì shēnchù de dìyù de bèn tāmā de húndàn érzi= stupid fucking bastard son of a rotting bitch and a soulless devil from the depths of hell
Nĭ yī rán ài wŏ ma?=Do you still love me?
wŏ ài nĭ=I love you.
Chapter 7
Author: lvs2read
Characters: All the crew at various times
Pairing: Mal/Simon
Warnings: Description of past abuse
Rating: Adult Only
Timeline: Takes place within my AU world. One year after Beginnings, shortly after Exploration, and seven years before Family. Chapter 1 of this story can be found here, just be sure to read the warnings. All chapters are interlinked.
Summary: Mal learns a secret from Simon's past.
Translations: In mouseover and at end of text
Author's Notes: Many thanks to woodsong_1978 who told me to go ahead and write this evil plot bunny when I told her about it, and then held my hand all the way through. Thanks, hon! It's a much better story now than it was when I started. Thanks, too, to kispexi2, who wants kink to have meaning. Hope this does now, hon.
Chapter 6/10 Telling Secrets
After an evening of good wine, better food, and pleasant company, Mal and Simon were strolling hand-in-hand back to Serenity. No words were spoken. None were needed. It had been a rough month, but it looked like Simon was well on his way to trusting Mal again, and Mal couldn't be anything but grateful for that.
When they arrived at the cargo bay doors, Mal guided Simon to the side of the ship instead of going inside. Cupping Simon's face with his hands, he said, "Like to kiss you, if that's okay?"
"I'd like that, Mal." Stretching up and leaning down, their lips met in a kiss that was more tentative than their first one had been.
When Simon sighed in contentment, Mal deepened the kiss until they were both breathless. Mal pulled away first and, touching his forehead to Simon's, said, "I'm sorry, băo bèi. I meant to go slow, but …"
"Shh." Simon placed his fingers on Mal's lips. "If it had been too much, I would have stopped. Hold me?"
Mal pulled Simon into his arms, holding him gently. "I've missed you, liànrén," he whispered into Simon's hair.
Simon hugged him tighter. "I've missed you, too, Mal." Stepping back, he continued, "At the risk of ruining a wonderful evening, I have to tell you something. But you have to promise not to get angry. There's nothing you can do about what happened years ago, so there's no point in upsetting yourself."
"Can't promise. But I will promise to try not to."
"Fair enough." Simon hesitated and started to pace under Serenity's engine.
"You wanna go inside? Or you more comfortable out here?"
"What? Oh. Doesn't matter. I suppose out here's fine," Simon waved his hand distractedly before muttering, "Where do I start?"
"Take your time, Simon. We got all night."
"Yes, well… This all happened a long time ago. When I first went to MedAcad, actually. God, I was so young and … green… naïve… whatever." He continued to pace as he told his story. "Anyway, I met this man, not anyone from school, just a man. He was quite a bit older than me. Who wasn't? He was good-looking, witty and charming. To make a long story a little bit shorter, we became lovers." He glanced at Mal to see how he was reacting so far.
Mal just stood there, leaning against Serenity, arms crossed on his chest. He nodded at Simon as if to say 'Continue'.
Simon looked away and went on, "He wasn't my first. But he was my first adult relationship. So… In the beginning everything was fine. He treated me kindly. Made me feel good about myself. Made me feel good. Sure, he was domineering, but I just thought it was because he was older, had seen more of the 'verse than I had, knew things I didn't."
Simon stopped pacing and looked up at the night sky, away from Mal. "I remember the first time I didn't do something the way he wanted it done. I don't remember what the something was, but I do remember what happened. He said I needed to be 'disciplined'."
Simon snorted and Mal ground his teeth in growing awareness.
"He made me take off my clothes and lie across his knees, and then he held me down and spanked me. Spanked me with his bare hand, while I struggled to get away. Told me I was thoughtless and needed to learn self-control, but that if I stopped struggling, everything would be better. He didn't stop until I no longer felt pain, only pleasure. And then he… raped me, for lack of a better term. It wasn't lovemaking, that's for sure." Simon paused, shuddering as he breathed deep.
Mal growled low in his throat, but was still in control of himself when Simon looked at him.
"Shall I go on?" Simon asked.
"If you need to."
"Yes, now that I've started I really think I do. I'll spare you the sordid details, though. Suffice it to say that that wasn't the last time I was 'disciplined'. And every time, it became… stricter?… harsher?" He shrugged and continued, "He called me names--slut, whore, bastard, idiot. He used different things to 'discipline' me--hair brush, paddle, riding crop, belt. And when I wouldn't stop struggling, he tied me down so I couldn't move. And every time, every time, there was unwanted pleasure after the pain. Pleasure from the pain. From the fucking. From the kissing afterwards. From knowing that I'd pleased him by handling his 'discipline'."
By the time he finished, Simon was visibly shaking, arms wrapped around himself, trying to maintain control.
Mal swallowed the bitterness he felt rising in himself and walked over to stand next to Simon. "Can I hold you?"
"Oh, God. Please do!" He felt Mal's arms slip loosely around him, and he leaned into the warm embrace. Tears started to fall down his face, but he wiped them away. Not now. I can do this. I have to do this.
He felt more than heard Mal's whispered, "Is that all?"
He shook his head and continued, "Almost. The last time he 'disciplined' me, I ended up in the hospital with broken ribs and internal bleeding, not to mention two black eyes and bruises over most of my body. You see, that time he used his fists.
"My father had him arrested for assault and I never saw him again. By the time I was out of the hospital, he was in prison. I never told anyone about our sexual relationship, though I'm sure most of my fellow students knew. They just didn't care. I heard more than one whispered 'Jumped up smart ass got his'.
"After that I threw myself into my studies. I had no interest in pursuing a sexual relationship with anyone, although I did eventually become seriously involved with someone. But that's another story. And not one that matters any more." He turned in Mal's embrace, wrapping his arms around Mal's waist, and holding on like he never wanted to let go.
"Can I ask you somethin'?" Mal asked quietly, his chin resting on the top of Simon's head.
"Anything."
"Why'd you stay? Why didn't you leave that yī gè fŭhuàzhe pofù hé yī gè húnwú yāo guài láizì shēnchù de dìyù de bèn tāmā de húndàn érzi?"
"I told you. I was young and stupid. I didn't know I could. And even if I'd known I could, I wouldn't have known how. So, in a sense, it's a good thing he beat me half to death. At least I got away from him. I vowed then never to let anyone else tie me up and cause me pain. And then…" If possible, he hugged Mal even tighter.
"And then I did it. Oh, God, Simon," Mal groaned, "I am so very sorry."
"You didn't know." He rubbed his cheek against Mal's chest.
"But I should've asked. I should've paid attention."
"Even if you'd asked, I probably wouldn't have been able to explain why, even though I trusted you, I couldn't let you tie me up. And if you'd mentioned disciplining me… I don't know. Maybe it's better it happened this way. At least now you know the whole sordid story." He tipped his head back and asked in all seriousness, "Nĭ yī rán ài wŏ ma?"
Mal cupped Simon's face in both his hands as he said, "How could I not? For a Core-bred rich kid, you've had a hell of a life. But it's made you the man you are today. Yes, Simon, wŏ ài nĭ. So much it hurts, and I'll do anythin' I can to make up for the pain I've caused." He claimed Simon's mouth in a tender, but passionate, kiss, pouring into it all his love and sorrow.
When they broke apart, Simon asked, "Make love to me?"
"My pleasure, băo bèi. My pleasure."
băo bèi=sweetheart
liànrén=lover
yī gè fŭhuàzhe pofù hé yī gè húnwú yāo guài láizì shēnchù de dìyù de bèn tāmā de húndàn érzi= stupid fucking bastard son of a rotting bitch and a soulless devil from the depths of hell
Nĭ yī rán ài wŏ ma?=Do you still love me?
wŏ ài nĭ=I love you.
Chapter 7