It Hurts When I Do This

[the_panic_light]

This is my second entry for brigits_flame. Any and all comments most gratefully received! The topic was:

Comments

[tabi_no_sora]

This is absolutely remarkable.

I am stunned by the good-ness of this. How did you come up with the idea? Or did it just happen?

Now I am going to read it again. *re-reads*

[the_panic_light]

Oh, thank you! Thank you thank you!

Well, my topic was "It hurts when I do this", that came from the writing community I'm a part of. The rest...I haven't a clue where it came from.

I'm feeling quite emotional about it, actually.

OH. On a language geek note, the fact that the character is called Berndt Dauern is intentional:

Berndt Dauern
B. Dauern
Bedauern

"bedauern" is the German verb "to regret". HA! How naff.

Thank you for your kind comments! xx

[wickedmommy]

Masterfully done.

[the_panic_light]

Wow, thank you so much! :)

[kay_brooke]

Fantastic entry, with great language and imagery. Good luck this week!

[the_panic_light]

Thank you very much! :)

[forallyouare]

this was amazing. you have a gift for description. i liked the pace of the story as you slowly unfurled the plot

[the_panic_light]

Thank you so much! :)

[ebeda]

Wow. Just. Wow. Make this a novel and I'll gladly pay you for it. It works very, very well in this short format, but... there is serious potential here, to state the obvious.

In the interests of giving worthwhile, specific feedback: you create a vivid, rich world and strong characters without bogging the reader down or slowing the pace and flow of the story. Your use of language is clever but unpretentious. I'm completely impressed and utterly humbled by this story.

[the_panic_light]

Your comments are really important to me - I really value your feedback. And I just want to say...thank you! You've been really kind, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. That is, after all, why I write. :)