Any of my attempts of doing anything nice around my house always end up like this:



Time to put my head in the oven next to the Christmas goose.

Now keep those longhairs out of Stockbridge, MA!

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On 2nd thought, I've always been too fat to be a good climber. Maybe I can just mouth off on solid ground and still get beaned in the head with a glass bottle like that.

Thomas Vanek is on pace for 137 goals this season. If you read it here, it must be true.

Well, turning 30 yesterday I can now offically gripe about places not honoring my senior discounts and not getting unlimited refills on my 25 cent Burger King coffee. Fearing hip dysplasia and continuing morbid obesity, my new morning routine includes waking at 7:30 and going to the gym. One day hardly constitutes a routine but a precident has been

There's an "It's Pat" movie, why the HELL is there no Astronaut Jones movie?

We face a TERRIBLE future, America


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ALL HAIL the mighty, infallible Wikipedia!!!