Warning! This is my first attempt at AI fanfiction!!!
Title: uhhhhhh, I cant think of a title......Make one up yourselves!
Author: Wolviesbabe89
Summary: This takes place during the Tainted Love Ford music video. Its the car ride to the big fight against Carly and Co., but Michael has been crashing on Cook, Brooke's and Archie's couch and wants to tag along......mayhem insues......
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: I only wish this happened.....because that whould be awsome....
Warnings: The Mavid relationship is more of a friendship....sorry....please dont chase me out of the community with tourches!!
Cook and Brooke tore out of their house to their new SUV. Cook jumped into the drivers seat and fumbled with his keys. Well one key, but he has a lot of key chains its kind of a hobby of his, picking up key chains from different places he’s visited. He has about nine so far, all attached to one key.
“Awh, Brooke look.” He grinned at her as she, panic stricken, tried to buckle her seatbelt.
“What? What is it?” She squealed.
He just giggled and held up his favorite key chain. It was from he and Brookes trip to the Jersey Shore, it said : If your girlfriend asks you to kiss her where it smells take her to New Jersey and kiss her there !
David’s smile was quickly erased when she gave him that look, that look that tells him she is so not in the mood for him being quirkie. “Sorry.” He said quickly under his breath as he shoved the key into the ignition and turned it. He took the car out of park and turned around to look out the back as he slowly pulled out of the driveway.
“Waite! Hold on!” They heard called from the front stoop.
David hit the breaks causing the wheels to let out a squeal. Brooke and Cook looked to the front door. Barreling out of the front door was a tall, slim, pants less, Australian man. David and Brooke groaned and looked to one another.
“Don’t leave with out me!” Michael called as he tried to run across the front lawn and put his torn up jeans on at the same time.
David sighed and put the car back into park with an aggravated huff. Brooke took a second to calm her wrecked nerves, she slowly started to smooth down her wild blond hair and just rembered what her therapist told her, in through the nose out through the mouth, then count to ten.
Michael, while buttoning his fly, hopped in to the back seat. “Thanks for waking me, guys.” He said in a snaky tone.
“Sorry Mikie.” Brooke said half heartedly.
David took the car back out of park and pulled out of the driveway. Michael smiled as he sat in the back seat, “So,” he said, “ Where we going?”
“The mayor called,” David said as he flipped his red streaked bangs out of his eyes, “ Apparently Carly is causing a ruckus with her giant robot downtown.”
“Oh.” Michael said. It went quiet in the car, the air filled with tension. Michael reached across the center consul and fiddled with the radio.
“Hey!” Brooke exclaimed in surprise as the Australian man squeezed his torso in between her and David,” Now’s not the time!”
“What? Its too quiet.” He said as he flipped through various top 40 stations till he settled on a classic rock station. He sat back in his seat, tapping his foot, tapping his knee, and nodding his head along with the music.
Brooke took another deep breath to calm her nerves. It hasn’t been an easy month and a half being forced to live with Michael Johns, but if everything went well he’d be out of her poofy hair in a fortnight. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, now is not the time to be thinking about Michaels annoying quirks. She has to face off against her arch villain, again. The last time haddent ended well, she doesn’t like to get into the details but she and David are no longer welcome at the Blockbuster on 14th and Monroe. She shuddered at the thought, who knew Snowcaps could be fashioned into a weapon? Carly and her gang were crafty foes but if she didn’t want this life she never would have signed up for it.
“Oh my God!” Michael yelled.
“What ? What?” Brooke’s hands started to shake.
“ There’s a Chick-fil-a over there! Pull into the drive through Dave, I’m starveling.”
“What?” David exclaimed,” Are you?-What?”
“Dude, I’m hungry, pull in!”
“Mike, we don’t have time to go to Chick-fil-a!” David spat back, Brooke rested her shaking hands against her cold clammy forehead.
“Course we do!” Mike smiled,” Carly and her giant robot will still be there! It’ll be fine!”
“ She’s destroying half of the city as we speak! People could be hurt we need to help them!”
“Well you can start helping them, by helping me. By aiding me in filling my stomach.”
“Mickey!” Brooke said loudly, “We have to stop her! Like right now!”
“Oh, come on! It’ll take like 5 minutes if we go through the drive through!”
“People’s lives are at stake, man!” David yelled.
“Well, I cant help save the world on an empty stomach!”
“For the last time ,Mike, You don’t have Superpowers!”
“Doesn’t mean I cant help out!”
Brooke took another deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth, or was it the other way around? She rolled her eyes at herself. Her nerves were completely shot after a month and a half of Michael’s pranks and Carly’s god-damn robot running around the city .
“Mike.” She said, trying to sound patient,” No.”
“No to what?”
“No to Chick-fill-a, no to you helping out, no to you borrowing our car, no to lending you $20, no to telling the cops you were home since 8 last night when I know damn well you were t-ping the entire neighborhood and pissing in Mr. Andersons azalea’s! No Mike! No, no, no ,no ,no!” Brooke let out a shaky breath, her nerves were nowhere near settled, but she did feel a small sense of relefe.”I’m sorry,” She said her voice cracking,” I just….I needed to get that out.”
Michael pouted , he knew he wasn’t the most gracious of house guests but he didn’t know he was pushing Brooke towards a complete and total nerves breakdown. But on the other hand, he was really, really hungry, and he was craving some waffle fries. He also knew Brooke’s one weakness, given her super sweet personality it wasn’t too hard to figure it out, that and he got her drunk one night and she told him, ‘God bless you beer pong.’ He thought and he smiled to himself.
Michaels eyes shifted and he leaned in close to Brooke. His head resting against her huge soft curls, his mouth right by her ear. “You know what they have there now, don’t cha?”
“N-no.”
“Milkshakes.” He grinned. Brookes eyes went wide, her lower lip quivered. She could see Carly’s robot off in the distance but her mind was now emerced in thoughts of that awesome dairy treat. She slowly turned her head to look at him. He continued to grin at her, his eyebrow’s raised, his head nodding.
David shook his head,” Dude, no!”
“Milkshakes?” Brooke whispered.
“Oh yeah,” Michael said,” They have vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, cookies and cream.”
Brooke gasped and grabbed David’s arm,” David please? Please can we go?”
“No! No we cant go!” David practilly yelled, “Giant robot!” He pointed at the hunking mass slowly vaporizing the city skyline. “Right there! People hurt! Need help! Ours if you forgot!”
Brooke shook herself out of her milkshake trance.”Oh, oh my gosh your right.” she rubbed her now aching forehead.
Michael sat back in his seat with a frown, and let out a defeated sigh. There was silent tension in the car till Brooke finally spoke up. “We can go afterwards right?”
“Yes, Brooke.” David said.
“Yay!” She smiled .
“Uggh! So how long is this going to take?” Michael asked.
“As long as it has to.” David answered.
Michael shook his head “This is so lame.”
“How,” David asked rolling his eyes, “How is this lame?”
“This isn’t lame, you guys are. Because your not letting me fight a giant robot and to top it all off your not going to feed me.”
“Waite, we feed you?” Brooke asked, “You expected us to pay for your Chick-fill-a?”
“Uh, yeah.” Michael said.
“Are you kidding me?” Brooke exclaimed.
“What? I don’t have a job!”
“Brooke, of course we were going to pay for his food,” David said sweetly, “Just like were supposed to pay for his porn!” He yelled to Michaels reflection in the rear view mirror.
“Oh, so were having this argument again?” Michael retorted, throwing his hands up in the air.
“Yes, were having this argument again. $25! $25 on our cable bill, and did you chip in? No! Seriously ,man, what were you thinking?”
“We’ll I thought you and I could watch it together!”
David slammed on the brakes and whipped his head around, with a look of utter shock and repulsion. “T- together?” He squeaked out, “Together?” He yelled out, firmer this time. Brooke started shaking again.
“Yes together!”
“The title,” David said, “Was Massive Meaty Men! I’m not watching anything with a title like that by myself, let alone with my best friend!”
“Oh, come on, it wasn’t a gay porn!”
“That’s not the entire issue Mike-”
“Oh my God! Its not like I asked you to join me in a circle-jerk!”
“Regardless, it was a porn, and I am not watching porn with you!”
“Why not?”
“Because its weird, okay!”
There was a short pause, Michael shook his head in disappointment, Brooke was busy trying to find her happy place in her mind.
“You,” Michael stated, “are so repressed.”
“No, your deranged!”
“Oh I am not.” Michael laughed.
David took a deep breath to calm himself down. “Brooke and I came home from grocery shopping to find you asleep with your hand down your pants, with Massive meaty men playing on the set!”
“Hey!” He shot back, “ I said I was sorry about that!”
‘Sorry cant cover it! Considering we found you in the living room, on our new couch ,” David shook his head, and looked to Brooke, who now had a sunken far away look in her eyes, “Look at what you did to poor Brooke! Look at her! Because of you she now involuntarily twitches! Look at her, she’s twitching right now!”
“Alright c’mon man, you know its been a while for me, if you know what I mean.”
David’s head snapped back to him, “Oh, oh I’m sorry , that’s a totally reasonable reason to jack it on your best friend’s couch, excuse me!”
“Hey, I don’t need your sass! If been rough for me, you know that, ever since Stacy left.”
“She’s in Fresno, looking after her sick Aunt!”
“Well, she still isn’t here, with me!” Michael turned to Brooke, “ Brooke please stick up for me!” He gave her a nudge causing her to jump in her seat. ”Brooke?”
Brooke looked at him and took a deep breath, “You see this hair, Michael? You see how big it is, how poofy and out of control it is? See, this isn’t from hours of crimping, and curling, teasing, hairspray, gel, and bobby pins. This hair is frizzy because you sleep naked!” She ended in a shout.
Michael rolled his eyes, “C’mon Brooke, the human wang is a beautiful thing.”
Brooke shook her head wildly, “No! No its not!”
“I thought you were on my side!”
“David,” Brooke said turning to him,” your causing a traffic jam, keep driving.”
“Oh sorry, “ daivd turned back around, flipping his bangs out of his eyes and started driving again.
“So, your completely on David’s side Brooke?” Michael asked, a slight hint of hurt in his voice.
“Mikie, I love you, we both do, you are our favorite person ever, but dear God, you are a horrible house guest!” Brooke said as sweetly as she could.
“Awwh, I love you guys too!.” He smiled , there was a short pause, “Hey, Brooke I forgot to ask, did you know that David rooted through your underwear drawer last week?”
David slammed down on the brakes once again, his eyes bugged out, he turned pale and his mouth fell open, beads of cold sweat started to form on his forehead. He slowly looked to Brooke, she was frozen solid her eyes as wide as his, her mouth firmly shut. Michael leaned back in his seat , hands behind his head, with a grin on his face.
“Brooke,” David started, “Let me explain.”
Brooke couldn’t believe her ears.
“I- I was looking for my word search booklet that you borrowed and, I ..I thought maybe you put it in a drawer and I opened one and I accidentally found your…unmentionables. I’m so, so sorry Brooke.” His heart was pounding in his ears, as he watched Brooke’s unchanging expression for what felt like an eternity. Slowly she nodded her head.
“Okay, okay. I’m not mad, it was an accident.” She said calmly, she collected herself and managed to smile as she patted his hand,” Its okay.” She turned back around and took another deep breath. David smiled, his hands shaking less.
“Oh you are so full of it dude!” Michael said.
Brooke looked from David, who just got even pailer, to Michael. “What do you mean? David , whats he talking about?”
David looked to Michael , he shook his head wildly as Michael pulled out his cell phone, “Dude, c’mon!” He said quietly as Mike flipped open his phone.
“Your not telling her everything.” He grinned.
“What?” Brookes eyes went wide.
David looked at her, “I….I didn’t exactly shut the drawer immediately after I found out it had your underwear in it.”
Brooke’s eyes narrowed, “What did you do?”
“He did this.” Michael said as he held up his phone to her. On the screen was a picture of David holding up a pair of light pink and white stripped boy short panties with a large Hello Kitty face on the hip. He had a goofy smile on his face and held up a thumbs up.
“David!’ She yelled, being all the more horrified by the fact that she was now wearing said panties right now. “What the hell! Why would you do that?”
“He thought they were stupid.” Michael said egging her on, enjoying the slight shade of green David was now turning.
“But,” She said quietly, “ There my favorite pair.”
“He laughed at them!”
“You laughed?”
“I’m sorry! I just, it was weird, I didn’t know , I wouldn’t think of you wearing anything with Hello Kitty on it. Brooke I’m sorry, it was just I was kind of drunk that night, and I was being stupid. I’m sorry Brooke, look you can rummage through my underwear drawer if you want! I’m just truly sorry and I didn’t even rember doing it till Michael showed me that picture. I’m sorry.”
Brooke frowned, not quite sure how to feel.
“Oh, um I have one more picture to show you.” Michael said with a huge grin on his face.
“Dude no!”
“Look!” He laughed, Brooke let out a gasp and covered her mouth with her hands, letting out an ‘Oh my God!’
“I’m sorry Brooke! I told you I was kinda drunk, and well,” he shrugged, “I’m stupid I know! Brooke please just don’t be mad at me, I just thought it would be funny!”
Brooke looked up at him, looking confused, so did Michael, David cringed” Oh man I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t have put them on but-”
“What? You put them on?” She screamed. “Eww! Eww! Oh my god!” She smacked him three times about the arms and torso.
David managed to cover his head with his arms “ I’m sorry! Owh! I’m sorry! Stop pummeling me! It really hurts!”
“Ewh! Just ewh! You both really suck right now you know that!” Brooke said as she folded her arms across her chest.
“David I didn’t take a picture that time.” Michael said as he showed him the picture on the screen, it was of Brooke’s hamster, Scrambles, with a tiny hat on it head.
David started shaking and collapsed into his car seat.
Michael shut his phone with a snap and sat back, “So, Chick-fiila?”
“Sure, “ David said quickly as he started driving again , and drove to the near by Chick-filla and turned into the Drive through.
* * * * * * * * * * *
“Look Carly,” David said as he sat on the hood of his car, with an angry brunette Irish women staring daggers at him, her arms folded across her chest. She was standing in front of the foot of her giant robot, Jason and Syesha ,her henchmen, stood on either side of her. “I’m sorry , but the Guild of Calamitous Intent clearly states that : If the number of the Arching team, I.e. you guys, out numbers the Archie’s, as in my guys, due to incapacitation for reasons unrelated to, or not caused by the Archer its considered an unfair advantage and there for unlawful and goes against Guild rules.” David said with a smug look on his face while he bit into a chicken nugget.
“Shit,” Jason said slowly,” I think my eyes just crossed.”
”Meaning what, David?” Syesha asked.
He swallowed. “Meaning, you cant fight us, well,” he said, pausing to take a sip of soda, “Not today at least.”
“Incapacitated? How are you guys incapacitated?” Carly asked.
“Well,” He pointed to Brooke, “She is having a bizarre reaction to her milkshakes, causing her to moan, groan , and loose all sense of reality, I’m mean look at her.” The Archers turned to look at her, she was sitting against the front tire legs spread out, she was surrounded by about four empty cups and was drinking her fifth in a rather obscene fashion, groaning after every sip.
“Ewwh,” Jason started., “That’s just-” He was interrupted by another loud groan.”ewwh.”
“Okay, “ Carly said nodding,” What about him” She pointed to Michael.
“Oh, him? Uhhh, he’s….Australian.”
Carly paused, “So?”
“Well,” Michael said as he bit into his chicken sandwich,” With the conversion of the metric system to your unit of measurements I’m rendered extremely confused when it comes to buying various fruits and meats at local markets.”
They all stared at him, well everyone except Brooke who was now writhing on the ground.
“What are you talking about?” Syesha asked.
“Shut up that’s what!” He yelled with a mouth full of chicken sandwich.
“Okay,” Carly started, “I understand, he’s deranged.”
David took another sip of soda, “Yup.”
“So is that why he’s also not wearing pants?”
“I happen to enjoy my chicken more by being pant less, thank you very much.”
Carly sighed and pulled her day planner out of her back pocket, “All right,’ She said as she flipped through her day planner, “Oh okay,” She said finding a free date, “How about the 15th?”
“Cant, I have to take Archie to a thing.” David said.
“Oh okay, how about the 19th?”
“Cant,” She heard Brooke mummer quietly , ‘I have a therapist appointment.”
‘Clearly.” Carly mumbled, ”Alright the 20th.”
“Sounds good to me.” David said.
“Alright then. I’ll see you guys on the 20th. Later.” The three of them and Carlys giant robot started walking away.
David sighed and took another sip of soda. “You know what.”
“What,” Michael asked.
“ We completely forgot to take Archie with us.”
“Oh well, what’s the worst that could happen?’
* * * * * * * * * * *
“Oh my God!” David exclaimed as he walked through the front door, dropping Brooke, who he was helping from the car. The scene in the house was indescribable, toilet paper strung from every light fixture, red plastic cups littered the floor and tables, snacks ground into the carpet, empty liquor bottles everywhere, bras hanging from the ceiling fan, swear word written on every wall with red lipstick, Michaels many porno mags strone about, one of the drapes in the living room was on fire, the microwave and toaster were both smashed and laying on the coffee table for no real reason what’s so ever. David shook his head, “What the hell-” His jaw dropped further as a lone goat walked out of the kitchen and out the back door. “What the….We we were only gone for an hour!”
“Archie!” Michael called , stepping over Brooke,” Archie where are you?”
They heard one of the bedroom doors open up stares.
“Archie is that you?” David called.
‘Oh My God!” Michael screamed, “Where’s the TV?”
Suddenly Archie came down the stairs in a red smoking jacket. “Hello all.” He grinned.” Lovely weather.”
“What the hell happened in here?” David asked.
“Why is the TV gone?” Michael screamed, “I was going to watch something with that!”
Archie just smiled, “Gents, I have an announcement to make.” He smiled,” I am now a man! I have made it with a women.”
The anger that was once across David and Michaels face now vanished and they both smiled at him.
“Wow man, way to go.” Michael smiled, nodding his head in approval.
“Yeah, great job, “ David smiled, “Oh um would you mind getting the fire extinguisher ?”
“Oh yeah,” Archie said , “The curtains.”
“Yeah, go!” David yelled, as Archie took off towards the kitchen. David shook his head, so did Michael. “I thought we raised him right.” he muttered.
“They rooted through my porn! They took the TV! There was porn on that too! And a good one was coming on tonight too!” Michael stared off in to space with a majestic look on his face, “ The witches of Breatswick.”
David glared at him, “I cant believe people actually think I want you to suck my dick.” David walked off to grab a broom from the kitchen as Archie ran in with the fire extinguisher.
“Why do you always have to make things weird?” Michael asked as he picked up his copy of Busty Asians. He flipped it open and plopped down on the couch. He read his porno as David and Archie cleaned the house, Brooke woke up several hours later in the front doorway with a cheeto stuck to her forehead. Archie was punished severely and Michaels wife finally came home from Fresno, her Aunt is fine. David once again was caught in Brookes underwear drawer after she moved it to prevent another incident, this time David had he her panties on his head. Brooke is still in therapy.
THE END!!!!!
Author: Wolviesbabe89
Summary: This takes place during the Tainted Love Ford music video. Its the car ride to the big fight against Carly and Co., but Michael has been crashing on Cook, Brooke's and Archie's couch and wants to tag along......mayhem insues......
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: I only wish this happened.....because that whould be awsome....
Warnings: The Mavid relationship is more of a friendship....sorry....please dont chase me out of the community with tourches!!
Cook and Brooke tore out of their house to their new SUV. Cook jumped into the drivers seat and fumbled with his keys. Well one key, but he has a lot of key chains its kind of a hobby of his, picking up key chains from different places he’s visited. He has about nine so far, all attached to one key.
“Awh, Brooke look.” He grinned at her as she, panic stricken, tried to buckle her seatbelt.
“What? What is it?” She squealed.
He just giggled and held up his favorite key chain. It was from he and Brookes trip to the Jersey Shore, it said : If your girlfriend asks you to kiss her where it smells take her to New Jersey and kiss her there !
David’s smile was quickly erased when she gave him that look, that look that tells him she is so not in the mood for him being quirkie. “Sorry.” He said quickly under his breath as he shoved the key into the ignition and turned it. He took the car out of park and turned around to look out the back as he slowly pulled out of the driveway.
“Waite! Hold on!” They heard called from the front stoop.
David hit the breaks causing the wheels to let out a squeal. Brooke and Cook looked to the front door. Barreling out of the front door was a tall, slim, pants less, Australian man. David and Brooke groaned and looked to one another.
“Don’t leave with out me!” Michael called as he tried to run across the front lawn and put his torn up jeans on at the same time.
David sighed and put the car back into park with an aggravated huff. Brooke took a second to calm her wrecked nerves, she slowly started to smooth down her wild blond hair and just rembered what her therapist told her, in through the nose out through the mouth, then count to ten.
Michael, while buttoning his fly, hopped in to the back seat. “Thanks for waking me, guys.” He said in a snaky tone.
“Sorry Mikie.” Brooke said half heartedly.
David took the car back out of park and pulled out of the driveway. Michael smiled as he sat in the back seat, “So,” he said, “ Where we going?”
“The mayor called,” David said as he flipped his red streaked bangs out of his eyes, “ Apparently Carly is causing a ruckus with her giant robot downtown.”
“Oh.” Michael said. It went quiet in the car, the air filled with tension. Michael reached across the center consul and fiddled with the radio.
“Hey!” Brooke exclaimed in surprise as the Australian man squeezed his torso in between her and David,” Now’s not the time!”
“What? Its too quiet.” He said as he flipped through various top 40 stations till he settled on a classic rock station. He sat back in his seat, tapping his foot, tapping his knee, and nodding his head along with the music.
Brooke took another deep breath to calm her nerves. It hasn’t been an easy month and a half being forced to live with Michael Johns, but if everything went well he’d be out of her poofy hair in a fortnight. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, now is not the time to be thinking about Michaels annoying quirks. She has to face off against her arch villain, again. The last time haddent ended well, she doesn’t like to get into the details but she and David are no longer welcome at the Blockbuster on 14th and Monroe. She shuddered at the thought, who knew Snowcaps could be fashioned into a weapon? Carly and her gang were crafty foes but if she didn’t want this life she never would have signed up for it.
“Oh my God!” Michael yelled.
“What ? What?” Brooke’s hands started to shake.
“ There’s a Chick-fil-a over there! Pull into the drive through Dave, I’m starveling.”
“What?” David exclaimed,” Are you?-What?”
“Dude, I’m hungry, pull in!”
“Mike, we don’t have time to go to Chick-fil-a!” David spat back, Brooke rested her shaking hands against her cold clammy forehead.
“Course we do!” Mike smiled,” Carly and her giant robot will still be there! It’ll be fine!”
“ She’s destroying half of the city as we speak! People could be hurt we need to help them!”
“Well you can start helping them, by helping me. By aiding me in filling my stomach.”
“Mickey!” Brooke said loudly, “We have to stop her! Like right now!”
“Oh, come on! It’ll take like 5 minutes if we go through the drive through!”
“People’s lives are at stake, man!” David yelled.
“Well, I cant help save the world on an empty stomach!”
“For the last time ,Mike, You don’t have Superpowers!”
“Doesn’t mean I cant help out!”
Brooke took another deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth, or was it the other way around? She rolled her eyes at herself. Her nerves were completely shot after a month and a half of Michael’s pranks and Carly’s god-damn robot running around the city .
“Mike.” She said, trying to sound patient,” No.”
“No to what?”
“No to Chick-fill-a, no to you helping out, no to you borrowing our car, no to lending you $20, no to telling the cops you were home since 8 last night when I know damn well you were t-ping the entire neighborhood and pissing in Mr. Andersons azalea’s! No Mike! No, no, no ,no ,no!” Brooke let out a shaky breath, her nerves were nowhere near settled, but she did feel a small sense of relefe.”I’m sorry,” She said her voice cracking,” I just….I needed to get that out.”
Michael pouted , he knew he wasn’t the most gracious of house guests but he didn’t know he was pushing Brooke towards a complete and total nerves breakdown. But on the other hand, he was really, really hungry, and he was craving some waffle fries. He also knew Brooke’s one weakness, given her super sweet personality it wasn’t too hard to figure it out, that and he got her drunk one night and she told him, ‘God bless you beer pong.’ He thought and he smiled to himself.
Michaels eyes shifted and he leaned in close to Brooke. His head resting against her huge soft curls, his mouth right by her ear. “You know what they have there now, don’t cha?”
“N-no.”
“Milkshakes.” He grinned. Brookes eyes went wide, her lower lip quivered. She could see Carly’s robot off in the distance but her mind was now emerced in thoughts of that awesome dairy treat. She slowly turned her head to look at him. He continued to grin at her, his eyebrow’s raised, his head nodding.
David shook his head,” Dude, no!”
“Milkshakes?” Brooke whispered.
“Oh yeah,” Michael said,” They have vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, cookies and cream.”
Brooke gasped and grabbed David’s arm,” David please? Please can we go?”
“No! No we cant go!” David practilly yelled, “Giant robot!” He pointed at the hunking mass slowly vaporizing the city skyline. “Right there! People hurt! Need help! Ours if you forgot!”
Brooke shook herself out of her milkshake trance.”Oh, oh my gosh your right.” she rubbed her now aching forehead.
Michael sat back in his seat with a frown, and let out a defeated sigh. There was silent tension in the car till Brooke finally spoke up. “We can go afterwards right?”
“Yes, Brooke.” David said.
“Yay!” She smiled .
“Uggh! So how long is this going to take?” Michael asked.
“As long as it has to.” David answered.
Michael shook his head “This is so lame.”
“How,” David asked rolling his eyes, “How is this lame?”
“This isn’t lame, you guys are. Because your not letting me fight a giant robot and to top it all off your not going to feed me.”
“Waite, we feed you?” Brooke asked, “You expected us to pay for your Chick-fill-a?”
“Uh, yeah.” Michael said.
“Are you kidding me?” Brooke exclaimed.
“What? I don’t have a job!”
“Brooke, of course we were going to pay for his food,” David said sweetly, “Just like were supposed to pay for his porn!” He yelled to Michaels reflection in the rear view mirror.
“Oh, so were having this argument again?” Michael retorted, throwing his hands up in the air.
“Yes, were having this argument again. $25! $25 on our cable bill, and did you chip in? No! Seriously ,man, what were you thinking?”
“We’ll I thought you and I could watch it together!”
David slammed on the brakes and whipped his head around, with a look of utter shock and repulsion. “T- together?” He squeaked out, “Together?” He yelled out, firmer this time. Brooke started shaking again.
“Yes together!”
“The title,” David said, “Was Massive Meaty Men! I’m not watching anything with a title like that by myself, let alone with my best friend!”
“Oh, come on, it wasn’t a gay porn!”
“That’s not the entire issue Mike-”
“Oh my God! Its not like I asked you to join me in a circle-jerk!”
“Regardless, it was a porn, and I am not watching porn with you!”
“Why not?”
“Because its weird, okay!”
There was a short pause, Michael shook his head in disappointment, Brooke was busy trying to find her happy place in her mind.
“You,” Michael stated, “are so repressed.”
“No, your deranged!”
“Oh I am not.” Michael laughed.
David took a deep breath to calm himself down. “Brooke and I came home from grocery shopping to find you asleep with your hand down your pants, with Massive meaty men playing on the set!”
“Hey!” He shot back, “ I said I was sorry about that!”
‘Sorry cant cover it! Considering we found you in the living room, on our new couch ,” David shook his head, and looked to Brooke, who now had a sunken far away look in her eyes, “Look at what you did to poor Brooke! Look at her! Because of you she now involuntarily twitches! Look at her, she’s twitching right now!”
“Alright c’mon man, you know its been a while for me, if you know what I mean.”
David’s head snapped back to him, “Oh, oh I’m sorry , that’s a totally reasonable reason to jack it on your best friend’s couch, excuse me!”
“Hey, I don’t need your sass! If been rough for me, you know that, ever since Stacy left.”
“She’s in Fresno, looking after her sick Aunt!”
“Well, she still isn’t here, with me!” Michael turned to Brooke, “ Brooke please stick up for me!” He gave her a nudge causing her to jump in her seat. ”Brooke?”
Brooke looked at him and took a deep breath, “You see this hair, Michael? You see how big it is, how poofy and out of control it is? See, this isn’t from hours of crimping, and curling, teasing, hairspray, gel, and bobby pins. This hair is frizzy because you sleep naked!” She ended in a shout.
Michael rolled his eyes, “C’mon Brooke, the human wang is a beautiful thing.”
Brooke shook her head wildly, “No! No its not!”
“I thought you were on my side!”
“David,” Brooke said turning to him,” your causing a traffic jam, keep driving.”
“Oh sorry, “ daivd turned back around, flipping his bangs out of his eyes and started driving again.
“So, your completely on David’s side Brooke?” Michael asked, a slight hint of hurt in his voice.
“Mikie, I love you, we both do, you are our favorite person ever, but dear God, you are a horrible house guest!” Brooke said as sweetly as she could.
“Awwh, I love you guys too!.” He smiled , there was a short pause, “Hey, Brooke I forgot to ask, did you know that David rooted through your underwear drawer last week?”
David slammed down on the brakes once again, his eyes bugged out, he turned pale and his mouth fell open, beads of cold sweat started to form on his forehead. He slowly looked to Brooke, she was frozen solid her eyes as wide as his, her mouth firmly shut. Michael leaned back in his seat , hands behind his head, with a grin on his face.
“Brooke,” David started, “Let me explain.”
Brooke couldn’t believe her ears.
“I- I was looking for my word search booklet that you borrowed and, I ..I thought maybe you put it in a drawer and I opened one and I accidentally found your…unmentionables. I’m so, so sorry Brooke.” His heart was pounding in his ears, as he watched Brooke’s unchanging expression for what felt like an eternity. Slowly she nodded her head.
“Okay, okay. I’m not mad, it was an accident.” She said calmly, she collected herself and managed to smile as she patted his hand,” Its okay.” She turned back around and took another deep breath. David smiled, his hands shaking less.
“Oh you are so full of it dude!” Michael said.
Brooke looked from David, who just got even pailer, to Michael. “What do you mean? David , whats he talking about?”
David looked to Michael , he shook his head wildly as Michael pulled out his cell phone, “Dude, c’mon!” He said quietly as Mike flipped open his phone.
“Your not telling her everything.” He grinned.
“What?” Brookes eyes went wide.
David looked at her, “I….I didn’t exactly shut the drawer immediately after I found out it had your underwear in it.”
Brooke’s eyes narrowed, “What did you do?”
“He did this.” Michael said as he held up his phone to her. On the screen was a picture of David holding up a pair of light pink and white stripped boy short panties with a large Hello Kitty face on the hip. He had a goofy smile on his face and held up a thumbs up.
“David!’ She yelled, being all the more horrified by the fact that she was now wearing said panties right now. “What the hell! Why would you do that?”
“He thought they were stupid.” Michael said egging her on, enjoying the slight shade of green David was now turning.
“But,” She said quietly, “ There my favorite pair.”
“He laughed at them!”
“You laughed?”
“I’m sorry! I just, it was weird, I didn’t know , I wouldn’t think of you wearing anything with Hello Kitty on it. Brooke I’m sorry, it was just I was kind of drunk that night, and I was being stupid. I’m sorry Brooke, look you can rummage through my underwear drawer if you want! I’m just truly sorry and I didn’t even rember doing it till Michael showed me that picture. I’m sorry.”
Brooke frowned, not quite sure how to feel.
“Oh, um I have one more picture to show you.” Michael said with a huge grin on his face.
“Dude no!”
“Look!” He laughed, Brooke let out a gasp and covered her mouth with her hands, letting out an ‘Oh my God!’
“I’m sorry Brooke! I told you I was kinda drunk, and well,” he shrugged, “I’m stupid I know! Brooke please just don’t be mad at me, I just thought it would be funny!”
Brooke looked up at him, looking confused, so did Michael, David cringed” Oh man I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t have put them on but-”
“What? You put them on?” She screamed. “Eww! Eww! Oh my god!” She smacked him three times about the arms and torso.
David managed to cover his head with his arms “ I’m sorry! Owh! I’m sorry! Stop pummeling me! It really hurts!”
“Ewh! Just ewh! You both really suck right now you know that!” Brooke said as she folded her arms across her chest.
“David I didn’t take a picture that time.” Michael said as he showed him the picture on the screen, it was of Brooke’s hamster, Scrambles, with a tiny hat on it head.
David started shaking and collapsed into his car seat.
Michael shut his phone with a snap and sat back, “So, Chick-fiila?”
“Sure, “ David said quickly as he started driving again , and drove to the near by Chick-filla and turned into the Drive through.
* * * * * * * * * * *
“Look Carly,” David said as he sat on the hood of his car, with an angry brunette Irish women staring daggers at him, her arms folded across her chest. She was standing in front of the foot of her giant robot, Jason and Syesha ,her henchmen, stood on either side of her. “I’m sorry , but the Guild of Calamitous Intent clearly states that : If the number of the Arching team, I.e. you guys, out numbers the Archie’s, as in my guys, due to incapacitation for reasons unrelated to, or not caused by the Archer its considered an unfair advantage and there for unlawful and goes against Guild rules.” David said with a smug look on his face while he bit into a chicken nugget.
“Shit,” Jason said slowly,” I think my eyes just crossed.”
”Meaning what, David?” Syesha asked.
He swallowed. “Meaning, you cant fight us, well,” he said, pausing to take a sip of soda, “Not today at least.”
“Incapacitated? How are you guys incapacitated?” Carly asked.
“Well,” He pointed to Brooke, “She is having a bizarre reaction to her milkshakes, causing her to moan, groan , and loose all sense of reality, I’m mean look at her.” The Archers turned to look at her, she was sitting against the front tire legs spread out, she was surrounded by about four empty cups and was drinking her fifth in a rather obscene fashion, groaning after every sip.
“Ewwh,” Jason started., “That’s just-” He was interrupted by another loud groan.”ewwh.”
“Okay, “ Carly said nodding,” What about him” She pointed to Michael.
“Oh, him? Uhhh, he’s….Australian.”
Carly paused, “So?”
“Well,” Michael said as he bit into his chicken sandwich,” With the conversion of the metric system to your unit of measurements I’m rendered extremely confused when it comes to buying various fruits and meats at local markets.”
They all stared at him, well everyone except Brooke who was now writhing on the ground.
“What are you talking about?” Syesha asked.
“Shut up that’s what!” He yelled with a mouth full of chicken sandwich.
“Okay,” Carly started, “I understand, he’s deranged.”
David took another sip of soda, “Yup.”
“So is that why he’s also not wearing pants?”
“I happen to enjoy my chicken more by being pant less, thank you very much.”
Carly sighed and pulled her day planner out of her back pocket, “All right,’ She said as she flipped through her day planner, “Oh okay,” She said finding a free date, “How about the 15th?”
“Cant, I have to take Archie to a thing.” David said.
“Oh okay, how about the 19th?”
“Cant,” She heard Brooke mummer quietly , ‘I have a therapist appointment.”
‘Clearly.” Carly mumbled, ”Alright the 20th.”
“Sounds good to me.” David said.
“Alright then. I’ll see you guys on the 20th. Later.” The three of them and Carlys giant robot started walking away.
David sighed and took another sip of soda. “You know what.”
“What,” Michael asked.
“ We completely forgot to take Archie with us.”
“Oh well, what’s the worst that could happen?’
* * * * * * * * * * *
“Oh my God!” David exclaimed as he walked through the front door, dropping Brooke, who he was helping from the car. The scene in the house was indescribable, toilet paper strung from every light fixture, red plastic cups littered the floor and tables, snacks ground into the carpet, empty liquor bottles everywhere, bras hanging from the ceiling fan, swear word written on every wall with red lipstick, Michaels many porno mags strone about, one of the drapes in the living room was on fire, the microwave and toaster were both smashed and laying on the coffee table for no real reason what’s so ever. David shook his head, “What the hell-” His jaw dropped further as a lone goat walked out of the kitchen and out the back door. “What the….We we were only gone for an hour!”
“Archie!” Michael called , stepping over Brooke,” Archie where are you?”
They heard one of the bedroom doors open up stares.
“Archie is that you?” David called.
‘Oh My God!” Michael screamed, “Where’s the TV?”
Suddenly Archie came down the stairs in a red smoking jacket. “Hello all.” He grinned.” Lovely weather.”
“What the hell happened in here?” David asked.
“Why is the TV gone?” Michael screamed, “I was going to watch something with that!”
Archie just smiled, “Gents, I have an announcement to make.” He smiled,” I am now a man! I have made it with a women.”
The anger that was once across David and Michaels face now vanished and they both smiled at him.
“Wow man, way to go.” Michael smiled, nodding his head in approval.
“Yeah, great job, “ David smiled, “Oh um would you mind getting the fire extinguisher ?”
“Oh yeah,” Archie said , “The curtains.”
“Yeah, go!” David yelled, as Archie took off towards the kitchen. David shook his head, so did Michael. “I thought we raised him right.” he muttered.
“They rooted through my porn! They took the TV! There was porn on that too! And a good one was coming on tonight too!” Michael stared off in to space with a majestic look on his face, “ The witches of Breatswick.”
David glared at him, “I cant believe people actually think I want you to suck my dick.” David walked off to grab a broom from the kitchen as Archie ran in with the fire extinguisher.
“Why do you always have to make things weird?” Michael asked as he picked up his copy of Busty Asians. He flipped it open and plopped down on the couch. He read his porno as David and Archie cleaned the house, Brooke woke up several hours later in the front doorway with a cheeto stuck to her forehead. Archie was punished severely and Michaels wife finally came home from Fresno, her Aunt is fine. David once again was caught in Brookes underwear drawer after she moved it to prevent another incident, this time David had he her panties on his head. Brooke is still in therapy.
THE END!!!!!