Feb 04, 2009 13:14
Harry and I came back the other night. You weren't there.
I know you don't like me all the time, or even most of the time. And I'm quite sure you don't like me right now. But I'd like to speak with you.
He's miserable. But you knew that already.
Leave a comment
Comments 38
Bugger off, Lupin.
Reply
Let me help.
Reply
Reply
Look, we all know that he's acting like a child. We all know that he's acting like a little boy-- some regressed fifth-year version of himself where he's still shouting to get his way. Only he's stopped shouting and he's.. just pushing people away. He thinks he's helping you and he's too wrapped up in hating himself to realize he's being a complete and total prat.
Reply
You're keeping Harry away from you because you're worried about getting hurt again. Isn't he worth getting hurt? Isn't he worth some pain? Don't you love him enough to work through this? How hard have you really tried?
The answer is: Not hard enough, because Harry deserves more.
Reply
You have no idea how long I've been trying to 'work through' this, and I love him more than you can possibly fathom, since you believe me incapable of such emotion in the first place. I'm not you. I won't continually get kicked in the teeth to make someone else happy.
And you know what? I bloody well deserve more.
For the record, I'm not alone. I have your son sleeping not ten feet from me.
Reply
I don't believe you incapable of love, I believe you incapable of receiving it. You want to.. twist it into something else, so that when they inevitably betray you, it won't hurt so much. That's what's happening now. You think Harry's betraying you so you're pretending like he only depends on you, like he never loved you, because it hurts less.
You both deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be with one another, if that's what you want. But you're both keeping that from happening because you're so scared of getting hurt! He's been through so much-- we all have. No one wants more pain. But you can't have love without pain, that's sort of how it works. No darkness without light, and all that.
And my son is not who we're talking about. Don't bring him into this.
Reply
This isn't about betrayal, Lupin. It's about needing more than a body in my bed. If I wanted someone for mere sex, I would have stayed with House. I want more than that, and at the moment, Harry isn't capable of it.
Merlin, I see him every bloody day and he can barely look at me and leaves the room as soon as possible. I can't change what he feels, or doesn't feel for me, and I'm weary of trying and getting nothing in return.
Reply
Leave a comment