One Last Time, by jediknighttalin and fresh_tart, Kristin/Idina, NC17
Title: One Last Time
Authors: jediknighttalin and fresh_tart
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kristin/Idina
Notes: Angst. I think that about covers it LOL
Kristin weaved her way through the hallway, holding tight to Idina's hand. She put on a brave smile as she passed castmates and stage hands, murmuring avoidances whenever anyone tried to stop her to talk. Finally the door to her dressing room closed behind them, and she flipping the lock, sagging against the door, her eyes closed, both to hold back the tears and so she wouldn't have to look at the other woman.
Pulling her hand away reluctantly, Idina sank onto the pink couch, one of the few remnants of Kristin that decorated the small space. All her personal effects had been boxed up the day before, leaving only her stage makeup and a hairbrush, her couch and a couple of outfits draped over the vanity's chair. The lack of pink and ruffles made Idina's chest ache. The brunette rested her chin on one upturned palm, staring at the floor.
"I have to go," Kristin said, although whether she was trying to convince Idina or herself, she couldn't say.
"So go," Idina responded, her voice dull.
Swallowing a sob, Kristin managed to squeak, "I can't." She opened her eyes, rushing over to the couch to sit beside Idina, one hand going to the younger woman's cheek, gently forcing her to look at her. "I need you," she whispered tremulously.
Shrugging away from Kristin's touch, Idina murmured coldly, "You'll still be in New York. You can still see me anytime you want. Call Ticketmaster."
"But I won't have you, anymore," Kristin whispered. Her desperate gaze met Idina's flinty eyes.
The icy wall Idina had built over the last week, to spare herself the hurt of Kristin's departure, began to melt with the pain she saw in the blonde's cerulean gaze. "No," she admitted quietly, "you won't."
Kristin leaned forward, her lips hovering over Idina's, only her breath touching the other woman as a single tear streaked down her cheek. "Touch me one last time," she breathed. "Please, Idina."
Her voice cracking under the strain, Idina whispered, "I can't." But her fingers caressed the satin smooth skin of Kristin's cheek with reverent care.
"Please," Kristin whispered again, holding Idina's hand in her own and bringing it down to cup her breast. "I need you."
Those words broke through what little willpower Idina had, as they always had, any time Kristin uttered them. With a self-loathing groan, her fingers closed around Kristin's full breast, her thumb stroking over the blonde's nipple through Glinda's sheer yellow sundress.
Kristin's breath rushed from her lips and her eyes slipped shut, even as another tear fell. "Idina," she sighed, leaning up the barest amount to close the distance between their lips.
Idina couldn't listen to Kristin whispering her name in that sweet, high voice. She couldn't hear the way her lover put the emphasis on the second syllable, making her name sound like something pure, and completely new. "I-di-na." Her heart couldn't take that breathless sigh that meant nothing else but Idina's practiced fingers and agile tongue would satisfy Kristin. And so she leaned forward, pressing her longer body over Kristin's. Her mouth covered the blonde's, her tongue stroking hard into Kristin's mouth.
Whimpering, Kristin reached up, clutching Idina's shoulders, her fingernails digging into the dark fabric, and she wished, despite how certain she was that it would kill her, that she could feel Idina's skin sliding against her own. She broke the kiss with a sob as she began to cry in earnest, arching against the brunette.
There was no way Idina could do what Kristin had asked of her if she had to see that pain in her blue eyes. She dropped her head to Kristin's shoulder, reaching down and lifting the blonde's skirt. With one swift yank, Kristin's panties were around her ankles.
Kristin's hands began to restlessly slide over Idina's back, trying to pull the other woman into her, meld them together, heart, body and soul. "Please, Idina, please," she begged.
Without warning, Idina thrust two fingers into Kristin, wincing as she felt her nails sliding roughly against the inside of the blonde. She didn't apologize; Kristin was the one who wanted this, not her. But suddenly, Idina was arching against her, using her hips as leverage to push herself harder into Kristin.
An incoherent cry poured from Kristin's lips, and her fingers reached up to curl around the back of Idina's neck, twining with the dark strands of the wig. She pulled the brunette's head up, her tongue inside Idina's mouth before their lips touched.
Opening her eyes, Idina stared down at Kristin numbly. She braced her palm on the couch beside the blonde, giving her hand another sharp thrust. Her breath caught, and she rasped, "Fuck, you're beautiful."
Guilt and regret and disgust -- not toward Idina, but herself -- suddenly welled up in her, and Kristin turned her head to the side, away from Idina. "Don't say that," she whispered, even as her hips moved with the other woman's hand, bringing her closer and closer to release.
"You are," Idina gasped, feeling arousal rush through her, despite her anger. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known." She raised her thumb, pressing it hard on Kristin's swollen nub.
Kristin shook her head quickly, eyes tightly shut, although her tears began to spill again in spite of that. She began to protest again, but as soon as Idina's thumb touched her, her orgasm swept her up, forcing a hoarse cry from her lips as she shuddered violently.
Idina watched as Kristin came, memorizing the sound, the taste of the blonde's skin beneath her lips, the heady scent of sweat and sex that mingled in the air of the dressing room like perfume.
Her breath coming in hitched gasps, Kristin was torn between wanting to push Idina away and hold her so tightly as to never let go. In the end, however, her erratic gaze focused on the clock hanging on her wall, and she realized that they only had three minutes to get back on stage. "Dee," she whispered, "we have go to."
Stricken, Idina pulled out of Kristin, her eyes casting around the room. Spotting a box of tissues, she grabbed a few, wiped her hand and flung them in the trash. "Right," she said, her voice smooth once more. "Gotta go."
Slowly standing on wobbly legs, Kristin wiped the tears from her cheeks, taking a deep breath to steady herself.
Idina stepped away from the couch, her back to Kristin. Squaring her shoulders, she strode to the door.
"Idina," Kristin called, hurrying after her and stopping her before she could open the door and leave. She slipped between the door and Idina, looking up at the taller woman with pained eyes. "I love you," she whispered, needing to say the words one last time before they walked away from each other.
Idina stared into Kristin's eyes for a long moment, but when she spoke, it was to the door, just above the blonde's head. "I love you, too," she said. In the months to come, she would thank God repeatedly that her composure held fast, allowing her to speak without an outward hint of the turmoil she felt in her stomach.
Kristin's lower lip trembled, and she bit down hard to hide it. Liquid eyes watched as she raised her hand, tracing a shaking finger over Idina's lips before gasping and pulling away, nearly running out of the dressing room, hand to her mouth to keep the tears at bay and try to hold herself together.
Following her out of the dressing room slowly, Idina shut the door behind her. The soft click of the latch shattered her, and the brunette began to sob silently, tears running down her cheeks. The green makeup didn't budge, even as Idina scrubbed at the teartracks while she stood in the wings, waiting for her second act cue. Across the way, she could just make out Kristin's slight form through the glare of the lights, and she fought to keep from crying again.
Idina's tears kept on throughout the second act. They poured down her cheeks when she had to hold Kristin in her arms and pretend her pain was Elphaba's. They came back during the curtain call, when she was forced to tell two thousand people what Kristin meant to her without using the word 'soulmate'.
She finally stilled them long enough to soldier through Kristin's farewell party, and her face stayed dry through the cab ride home, where she sat beside Taye, silent and stoic. Undressing and climbing into bed, Idina was unusually silent. She curled up on the far side of the bed, unsure if she could handle seeing Taye's face tonight as he worried over her, like he had every night for weeks.
Laying on his side, watching the slight shift of the tense muscles of Idina's back, Taye helplessly wondered what to do. Finally he reached out with a hesitating hand, smoothing it over his wife's waist. "I'm here," was all he said, voice steady and supportive.
That was all it took to open the floodgates again. Idina rolled over, curling into Taye, her knees drawn up tight, a tiny ball of pain. She sobbed uncontrollably, her tears dampening his dark skin. "She's gone," Idina whispered, for once not caring what he would think of her attachment to Kristin. Let him be suspicious tomorrow; she was on the verge of confessing everything, anyway, to salve the ulcer she was sure she was developing from lying to one of her best friends.
Taye smoothed his hands over Idina's back, murmuring nonsense into her ear, as he didn't know what else to do. He had never really understood the relationship Idina and Kristin shared, and had only just figured out what it was sexual when he saw his wife's reaction to the news of Kristin leaving Wicked. Although, of course, it bothered him, to know he was sharing his wife with someone else, he had decided to let it run its course, so to speak, since Idina kept coming home to him. "She's still in New York," he said softly, pushing aside the thoughts of Idina and Kristin together. He cared too much about the brunette in his arms to wish her anything but happiness, and her current state of heartbreak was tearing at his own heart. "You can still see her."
"It's not the same. She's not my Glinda," Idina's pain tumbled out into Taye's strong embrace, melting into the scent of sandalwood as it filled her nose, soothing her when all she wanted to do was die from the hurt.
"But she's still yours."
Her body tensed, and stilled, and Idina didn't move a muscle for the longest sixty seconds she'd ever counted. Finally, she whispered, "Baby, I'm sorry."
Taye shook his head slightly. "If you love her, don't be sorry."
Finally moving her head back slightly, Idina met his sympathetic eyes with her own red-rimmed ones. "You're too good to me. Why are you still here?"
Tucking a strand of hair behind Idina's ear, Taye pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Because I love you enough to wait, and hope that I'm the one you love enough to stay with."
Her heart breaking all over again, Idina shook her head, unable to speak. Tears fell, and she pressed one hand to Taye's broad chest.
Taye's heart suddenly stilled, and he wanted to voice the question rolling around in his head -- Will you stay or leave? -- but his body wasn't obeying his brain's commands, and all he could do was continue rubbing Idina's back.
"I love you," Idina squeaked out. "I could never live without you. That's why I don't know how I can keep being this stupid. But Taye," the words just spilled out, "she's...I can't...God."
"You love her," Taye said softly. "I understand." I love you. "If you need," he spoke haltingly, forcing the words out past his selfish desires. "some time, or to go see her... I'll be here when you get back."
"Maybe," Idina murmured, sniffling. "Someday." When I can breathe again.
***
Kristin lay on her bed, flat on her back, hands resting, loosely clasped, on her stomach. The sound of her deep, even breathing filled the room. She stared at the ceiling, willing herself to feel numb, because even that terrifying feeling would be better than the tearing pain she was currently feeling.
Maddie yipped from the side of the bed, and Kristin's surprised gasp broke the rhythm of her breathing, and suddenly the room was filled with chaotic noises: Maddie scratching at the side of the bed to be let up, the rapid rush of blood in Kristin's ears, the ever-present New York traffic floating up from the street.
"Okay, baby," she murmured, sitting up to reach over the side of the bed and pull the dog up to lay with her. "You can come up."
Maddie yipped again, then licked Kristin's nose before curling up on a pillow and promptly falling asleep. Kristin watched her, wondering how she could sleep at a time like this. Didn't she know that her mama needed a cuddle? Didn't she know that her mama needed... anything? Falling back onto the bed, Kristin rolled to her side, curling up, then gasped loudly, tears springing to her eyes. Distraction makes the pain go away, and until that moment, she had managed to keep her attention off herself, but now she ached and burned, and if she closed her eyes -- Don't close your eyes -- she could still feel Idina's fingers inside her.
Authors: jediknighttalin and fresh_tart
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kristin/Idina
Notes: Angst. I think that about covers it LOL
Kristin weaved her way through the hallway, holding tight to Idina's hand. She put on a brave smile as she passed castmates and stage hands, murmuring avoidances whenever anyone tried to stop her to talk. Finally the door to her dressing room closed behind them, and she flipping the lock, sagging against the door, her eyes closed, both to hold back the tears and so she wouldn't have to look at the other woman.
Pulling her hand away reluctantly, Idina sank onto the pink couch, one of the few remnants of Kristin that decorated the small space. All her personal effects had been boxed up the day before, leaving only her stage makeup and a hairbrush, her couch and a couple of outfits draped over the vanity's chair. The lack of pink and ruffles made Idina's chest ache. The brunette rested her chin on one upturned palm, staring at the floor.
"I have to go," Kristin said, although whether she was trying to convince Idina or herself, she couldn't say.
"So go," Idina responded, her voice dull.
Swallowing a sob, Kristin managed to squeak, "I can't." She opened her eyes, rushing over to the couch to sit beside Idina, one hand going to the younger woman's cheek, gently forcing her to look at her. "I need you," she whispered tremulously.
Shrugging away from Kristin's touch, Idina murmured coldly, "You'll still be in New York. You can still see me anytime you want. Call Ticketmaster."
"But I won't have you, anymore," Kristin whispered. Her desperate gaze met Idina's flinty eyes.
The icy wall Idina had built over the last week, to spare herself the hurt of Kristin's departure, began to melt with the pain she saw in the blonde's cerulean gaze. "No," she admitted quietly, "you won't."
Kristin leaned forward, her lips hovering over Idina's, only her breath touching the other woman as a single tear streaked down her cheek. "Touch me one last time," she breathed. "Please, Idina."
Her voice cracking under the strain, Idina whispered, "I can't." But her fingers caressed the satin smooth skin of Kristin's cheek with reverent care.
"Please," Kristin whispered again, holding Idina's hand in her own and bringing it down to cup her breast. "I need you."
Those words broke through what little willpower Idina had, as they always had, any time Kristin uttered them. With a self-loathing groan, her fingers closed around Kristin's full breast, her thumb stroking over the blonde's nipple through Glinda's sheer yellow sundress.
Kristin's breath rushed from her lips and her eyes slipped shut, even as another tear fell. "Idina," she sighed, leaning up the barest amount to close the distance between their lips.
Idina couldn't listen to Kristin whispering her name in that sweet, high voice. She couldn't hear the way her lover put the emphasis on the second syllable, making her name sound like something pure, and completely new. "I-di-na." Her heart couldn't take that breathless sigh that meant nothing else but Idina's practiced fingers and agile tongue would satisfy Kristin. And so she leaned forward, pressing her longer body over Kristin's. Her mouth covered the blonde's, her tongue stroking hard into Kristin's mouth.
Whimpering, Kristin reached up, clutching Idina's shoulders, her fingernails digging into the dark fabric, and she wished, despite how certain she was that it would kill her, that she could feel Idina's skin sliding against her own. She broke the kiss with a sob as she began to cry in earnest, arching against the brunette.
There was no way Idina could do what Kristin had asked of her if she had to see that pain in her blue eyes. She dropped her head to Kristin's shoulder, reaching down and lifting the blonde's skirt. With one swift yank, Kristin's panties were around her ankles.
Kristin's hands began to restlessly slide over Idina's back, trying to pull the other woman into her, meld them together, heart, body and soul. "Please, Idina, please," she begged.
Without warning, Idina thrust two fingers into Kristin, wincing as she felt her nails sliding roughly against the inside of the blonde. She didn't apologize; Kristin was the one who wanted this, not her. But suddenly, Idina was arching against her, using her hips as leverage to push herself harder into Kristin.
An incoherent cry poured from Kristin's lips, and her fingers reached up to curl around the back of Idina's neck, twining with the dark strands of the wig. She pulled the brunette's head up, her tongue inside Idina's mouth before their lips touched.
Opening her eyes, Idina stared down at Kristin numbly. She braced her palm on the couch beside the blonde, giving her hand another sharp thrust. Her breath caught, and she rasped, "Fuck, you're beautiful."
Guilt and regret and disgust -- not toward Idina, but herself -- suddenly welled up in her, and Kristin turned her head to the side, away from Idina. "Don't say that," she whispered, even as her hips moved with the other woman's hand, bringing her closer and closer to release.
"You are," Idina gasped, feeling arousal rush through her, despite her anger. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known." She raised her thumb, pressing it hard on Kristin's swollen nub.
Kristin shook her head quickly, eyes tightly shut, although her tears began to spill again in spite of that. She began to protest again, but as soon as Idina's thumb touched her, her orgasm swept her up, forcing a hoarse cry from her lips as she shuddered violently.
Idina watched as Kristin came, memorizing the sound, the taste of the blonde's skin beneath her lips, the heady scent of sweat and sex that mingled in the air of the dressing room like perfume.
Her breath coming in hitched gasps, Kristin was torn between wanting to push Idina away and hold her so tightly as to never let go. In the end, however, her erratic gaze focused on the clock hanging on her wall, and she realized that they only had three minutes to get back on stage. "Dee," she whispered, "we have go to."
Stricken, Idina pulled out of Kristin, her eyes casting around the room. Spotting a box of tissues, she grabbed a few, wiped her hand and flung them in the trash. "Right," she said, her voice smooth once more. "Gotta go."
Slowly standing on wobbly legs, Kristin wiped the tears from her cheeks, taking a deep breath to steady herself.
Idina stepped away from the couch, her back to Kristin. Squaring her shoulders, she strode to the door.
"Idina," Kristin called, hurrying after her and stopping her before she could open the door and leave. She slipped between the door and Idina, looking up at the taller woman with pained eyes. "I love you," she whispered, needing to say the words one last time before they walked away from each other.
Idina stared into Kristin's eyes for a long moment, but when she spoke, it was to the door, just above the blonde's head. "I love you, too," she said. In the months to come, she would thank God repeatedly that her composure held fast, allowing her to speak without an outward hint of the turmoil she felt in her stomach.
Kristin's lower lip trembled, and she bit down hard to hide it. Liquid eyes watched as she raised her hand, tracing a shaking finger over Idina's lips before gasping and pulling away, nearly running out of the dressing room, hand to her mouth to keep the tears at bay and try to hold herself together.
Following her out of the dressing room slowly, Idina shut the door behind her. The soft click of the latch shattered her, and the brunette began to sob silently, tears running down her cheeks. The green makeup didn't budge, even as Idina scrubbed at the teartracks while she stood in the wings, waiting for her second act cue. Across the way, she could just make out Kristin's slight form through the glare of the lights, and she fought to keep from crying again.
Idina's tears kept on throughout the second act. They poured down her cheeks when she had to hold Kristin in her arms and pretend her pain was Elphaba's. They came back during the curtain call, when she was forced to tell two thousand people what Kristin meant to her without using the word 'soulmate'.
She finally stilled them long enough to soldier through Kristin's farewell party, and her face stayed dry through the cab ride home, where she sat beside Taye, silent and stoic. Undressing and climbing into bed, Idina was unusually silent. She curled up on the far side of the bed, unsure if she could handle seeing Taye's face tonight as he worried over her, like he had every night for weeks.
Laying on his side, watching the slight shift of the tense muscles of Idina's back, Taye helplessly wondered what to do. Finally he reached out with a hesitating hand, smoothing it over his wife's waist. "I'm here," was all he said, voice steady and supportive.
That was all it took to open the floodgates again. Idina rolled over, curling into Taye, her knees drawn up tight, a tiny ball of pain. She sobbed uncontrollably, her tears dampening his dark skin. "She's gone," Idina whispered, for once not caring what he would think of her attachment to Kristin. Let him be suspicious tomorrow; she was on the verge of confessing everything, anyway, to salve the ulcer she was sure she was developing from lying to one of her best friends.
Taye smoothed his hands over Idina's back, murmuring nonsense into her ear, as he didn't know what else to do. He had never really understood the relationship Idina and Kristin shared, and had only just figured out what it was sexual when he saw his wife's reaction to the news of Kristin leaving Wicked. Although, of course, it bothered him, to know he was sharing his wife with someone else, he had decided to let it run its course, so to speak, since Idina kept coming home to him. "She's still in New York," he said softly, pushing aside the thoughts of Idina and Kristin together. He cared too much about the brunette in his arms to wish her anything but happiness, and her current state of heartbreak was tearing at his own heart. "You can still see her."
"It's not the same. She's not my Glinda," Idina's pain tumbled out into Taye's strong embrace, melting into the scent of sandalwood as it filled her nose, soothing her when all she wanted to do was die from the hurt.
"But she's still yours."
Her body tensed, and stilled, and Idina didn't move a muscle for the longest sixty seconds she'd ever counted. Finally, she whispered, "Baby, I'm sorry."
Taye shook his head slightly. "If you love her, don't be sorry."
Finally moving her head back slightly, Idina met his sympathetic eyes with her own red-rimmed ones. "You're too good to me. Why are you still here?"
Tucking a strand of hair behind Idina's ear, Taye pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Because I love you enough to wait, and hope that I'm the one you love enough to stay with."
Her heart breaking all over again, Idina shook her head, unable to speak. Tears fell, and she pressed one hand to Taye's broad chest.
Taye's heart suddenly stilled, and he wanted to voice the question rolling around in his head -- Will you stay or leave? -- but his body wasn't obeying his brain's commands, and all he could do was continue rubbing Idina's back.
"I love you," Idina squeaked out. "I could never live without you. That's why I don't know how I can keep being this stupid. But Taye," the words just spilled out, "she's...I can't...God."
"You love her," Taye said softly. "I understand." I love you. "If you need," he spoke haltingly, forcing the words out past his selfish desires. "some time, or to go see her... I'll be here when you get back."
"Maybe," Idina murmured, sniffling. "Someday." When I can breathe again.
***
Kristin lay on her bed, flat on her back, hands resting, loosely clasped, on her stomach. The sound of her deep, even breathing filled the room. She stared at the ceiling, willing herself to feel numb, because even that terrifying feeling would be better than the tearing pain she was currently feeling.
Maddie yipped from the side of the bed, and Kristin's surprised gasp broke the rhythm of her breathing, and suddenly the room was filled with chaotic noises: Maddie scratching at the side of the bed to be let up, the rapid rush of blood in Kristin's ears, the ever-present New York traffic floating up from the street.
"Okay, baby," she murmured, sitting up to reach over the side of the bed and pull the dog up to lay with her. "You can come up."
Maddie yipped again, then licked Kristin's nose before curling up on a pillow and promptly falling asleep. Kristin watched her, wondering how she could sleep at a time like this. Didn't she know that her mama needed a cuddle? Didn't she know that her mama needed... anything? Falling back onto the bed, Kristin rolled to her side, curling up, then gasped loudly, tears springing to her eyes. Distraction makes the pain go away, and until that moment, she had managed to keep her attention off herself, but now she ached and burned, and if she closed her eyes -- Don't close your eyes -- she could still feel Idina's fingers inside her.