A slow hurt- and it breaks us

[seeyousoonthen]

Joe was gone and Savannah had been told she was in charge of the Children's Office. After a bit of a panic attack she had jumped right in and taken over. That was what a person did, after all. You pulled yourself together and went on. Tim had helped her through the worst of her depression back home and Peter had helped her here. She had had the

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[polly_okeefe]

Working in the Children's Office, I'd known Joe as a colleague and, increasingly, as a friend. It was a blow to see him go, so I'm not surprised to see Savannah, who'd risen to the occasion when all of us were standing around, confused, in tears.

"Hey," I whispered. I reached out, offering a hug.

[seeyousoonthen]

"Oh, Polly," she said softly. Her words were so meek compared to the force of her hug. The baby kicked as she pressed against the other young woman and held on as she tried to breathe through this newest little crying fit.

[polly_okeefe]

I held Savannah, my own eyes tearing up. But the sudden touch on my abdomen -- it felt like a light punch -- made me perk up. I pulled back a bit and looked down. "Was that...?"

[seeyousoonthen]

Savannah wiped her cheeks and nodded. She had to take a deep breath and exhale slowly before she trusted herself to speak.

"It's been doing that for a few weeks now," she said. "I mean, that you can feel. I've been feeling it for a while longer."

[illuxinated]

Generally speaking, Lux wasn't an emotional person, at least not where other people could see. It wasn't a great habit, but she tended to hold things in, to stew on them. Her pride was entirely too fierce to often allow herself to be vulnerable where other people could see.

That didn't mean she was cold or unfeeling, though, and what kind of person would it make her if she just walked on by someone crying like it didn't matter or concern her? At first it likely seemed she was intent on doing that very thing, as she passed into the adjacent room without a word. She returns quickly, though, with tissues in hand, which she offers to the other blonde.

"Can I get somebody for you or something?"

[seeyousoonthen]

Savannah knew she was making a spectacle of herself but she just couldn't help it. It was the loss, and maybe it was hormones, and maybe it was an accumulation of denial. Whatever it was, it had fractured her enough to cry in public.

She took the tissues with a grateful look and smiled through the tears.

"That's so kind of you, but no. I'll be all right in just a minute. I just keep leaking," she said, wiping her eyes. "A good friend disappeared."

It seemed that around here that was all you had to say. Disappeared. People understood that.

[illuxinated]

"Oh." Lux sinks into an adjacent chair and bites briefly against her bottom lip. "I'm really sorry."

So far, Lux has been lucky. The only person she's known much who has disappeared is Tim. The past month, she's watched Jason try to cope with the loss and can't help but wonder what it would be like if it was her in his place. If Baze or Jason were simply not there anymore, she just doesn't know what she'd do.

[seeyousoonthen]

Savannah inhaled but it was a stuttering, shaky sound. Oh how she hated to cry but it was needed. It would purge the weight of this sadness and she would feel better. Between the letter and the tears she would feel lighter.

"Thank you," she said. "I'm such a mess. It will get better, I know. I know that. I've never been good with goodbyes."

[starchilde_lost]

Emotions were raw, living things. As a telepath and empath, she'd gotten pretty good at blocking out the emotions of others so she could function. It was one of the only things she'd been glad to lose. But the sorrow of the girl in the rec room? She didn't need her powers to feel that.

She felt it every day she woke up and her mother was gone.

"Hey, you need anything?" She didn't want to intrude, some people preferred their sorrow solitary, but she couldn't walk by and say nothing.

[seeyousoonthen]

Savannah sniffled and looked up. She shook her head slowly, sadly.

"Just time, I suppose," she replied. "A good friend just disappeared and it hurts." She saw no reason to fib or sugar coat the truth of it. She wasn't one to lie, anyway.

[starchilde_lost]

Rachel almost walked away, but the nagging voice in her head wouldn't let her. "My mom was here... she left, too. Hurts like hell."

She came forward and sat nearby, giving the girl space, but staying close enough. Talking about Jean was still raw, but getting better. Not quickly, but it was getting better.

"I'm sorry."

[seeyousoonthen]

She took a deep breath to try to pull herself together. What sort of first impression was it to be so tearful and sad?

"Oh, thank you," she said earnestly, the mountain country twangy accent ringing in every word she said. "I'm so sorry about your momma. That's just terrible. This place can seem so cruel."

Savannah gathered up her pages and put them all together neatly and laid them aside.

"I'm Savannah," she added since she hadn't seen the girl before, and she would have remembered.

[youlosetrack]

He's just showered, washing away the sweat and grime from the morning's exertions, and the only thing on Mace's mind is some food and finding a good spot to sit down and relax in for a while. (If there's one thing having a broken leg has taught him, it's the value of actually resting for once.) But when he leaves the cool bedroom hallway for the rec room, he spots Savannah easily.

And a moment later, he almost wishes he hadn't

Mace has no idea what to do with crying women. Or crying men. He's tempted to keep on going, but it's Savannah, and try as he might, he can't pretend he doesn't see her there. With a near silent grunt of annoyance at himself, Mace goes over to the table she's at, pulls out the chair next to her and sits down without a word, crutches still in hand as he looks her over.

He has no fucking clue what to say.

[seeyousoonthen]

She took a shuddering breath and tried to pull herself together since she had company. Savannah swiped at her eyes and cheeks to dry the tears she'd let fall freely.

"Oh! Mace," she said, then swallowed hard. "I hardly heard you. And you caught me in such a state. How...how are you doing?"

That felt right, asking after him. At the moment she'd rather listen than think on the way her fingers ached or the pages she'd filled with words or the way she was just heartsick. It was always easier to be a friend than sit with her own flaws.

[youlosetrack]

Mace watches her a moment, uneasy and unsure. "I'm fine. Had a good morning."

His natural reticence and concern for Savannah snuff out anything else he may have to say on the matter. That hardly makes him want to ask her to spill her feelings, however.

[seeyousoonthen]

He was just so direct. So plain and upfront. Every time they spoke she could only think that Mace and John would have likely gotten along well. It was just a feeling, an idea of opposites being drawn to one another. If her own outlook was like the bright stars in the night sky she thought that Mace might see only the haunted dark space in between those glittering points. That was what she had thought of John, too.

"That's good," she said, still drying her eyes so she wasn't such a spectacle. "I was just writing." She would never admit to just how often writing a letter could bring her to tears.

[with_diamonds]

It wasn't like Lucy tended to make a habit of prying into other people's business. Chances were, if someone was upset, even in public, they were just as likely to want to be left alone as to have someone offer support. With the other girl sitting there in tears, though, she just didn't have the heart to walk right past, instead stopping at the table and leaning against its surface, the distance of a couple of chairs away. "Hey," she said quietly, teeth pressing to her lower lip. There was a letter there, but she didn't want to read it; it wasn't her place to. "Are you alright? Do you need anything?"

[seeyousoonthen]

Through her tears, Savannah laughed softly.

"I just feel like such a mess. I don't know what I need...but thank you," she said as she wiped her eyes dry. She looked up at the girl and managed a soft, sad smile. "A very good friend just disappeared and I'm still a bit...upset."

[with_diamonds]

"Believe me, I've been there," Lucy said knowingly, lips curving in a faint smile of her own, more sympathetic than anything else. Around here, that tended to be the case more often than not, and no matter how many times she herself had been through it, she was pretty sure it never actually got any easier. Sliding into a nearby seat, she drew in a breath and held it. "I know sorry doesn't help, but for what it's worth, I don't think anyone's gonna blame you for being a mess." There were certainly far worse ways of dealing with such things. She knew; she'd tried them.

[seeyousoonthen]

She sighed in relief and her smile grew a fraction.

"I'm not one to carry on like this but I started writing and it just happened," Savannah explained. "It's not the first time, but it's tough. I'mm Savannah, by the way."